DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and
Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are
copyright (c) 2013 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.
I Know Why YouÕre Lonely
by Djinn
Chapel
walked down the corridors of what should have been DeckerÕs Enterprise, making her way slowly,
trying to decide if she was going to stay aboard or not. Her destination and how she was received
at it would help her decide. She
turned the corner, headed toward guest quarters.
Where
Spock was staying until SonakÕs quarters were cleared
out for him.
She
rang the chime on the room heÕd been assigned—she knew heÕd been assigned
these rooms because sheÕd looked that info up. She had a lot more access as a doctor
than as a nurse.
Which
didnÕt mean she was supposed to use it for finding out where unrequited crushes
were being temporarily billeted, but given what heÕd said to her when sheÕd been
getting him on his feet after the meld with VÕger,
she didnÕt care.
SheÕd
been going about her business, trying to get him back up to Jim as soon as she
could, as Jim had ordered her to do.
ThereÕd been nothing unprofessional in her manner. Nothing to indicate that goddamn squeak
sheÕd let out at seeing Spock when he first arrived had been anything other
than surprise. And
a little bit of pleasure.
But mostly surprise.
Spock
had reached over as she worked, his voice low and still strangely harsh. ÒI will wish to talk to you when this is
over.Ó
ÒWhat
if this ends with us all dying?Ó
She gave him a half smile.
ÒThen
neither of us will be in a position to care. But failing that end to this crisis, I
wish to talk to you.Ó
ÒFair
enough.Ó She shot him full of a second
combo of meds that would get him on his feet and keep him there. ÒCare to give a preview of this
discussion.Ó
ÒSome
feelings are less simple than others.Ó
She
pursed her lips. ÒSure you donÕt
want to have that convo with the captain?
You two looked pretty cozy, all smiles and clasped hands.Ó
ÒI
am certain, Christine.Ó
HeÕd
pulled out the big gun: her first name.
ÒFine,Ó
sheÕd said. ÒWhen this is all over,
assuming we survive.Ó
ÒCome
to my quarters. I presume I will be
assigned some.Ó
And
he had been, as sheÕd found out with a simple search. And now he was opening the door,
standing in front of it, staring at her with an expression she couldnÕt
read.
Finally,
he moved aside.
ÒYou
want me to come in? To your
quarters?Ó
He
nodded, looking impatient when she didnÕt come in.
ÒFor
what purpose?Ó
ÒThat
should be obvious.Ó
ÒWow,
IÕd say your feelings are extremely simple, Spock. Insulting even. I havenÕt seen you in how long? You think IÕll just come in and hop
aboard?Ó
ÒYou
will not?Ó
ÒShockingly,
IÕll pass. Now, if you want to go
get coffee—Ó
ÒI
do not drink coffee.Ó
ÒItÕs
a figure of speech, you dolt.Ó She
smiled as pleasantly as she could, saw he was confused by the
disconnect between her words and her expression. ÒIf you want to reconnect emotionally,
IÕm all for it. If you just want to
screw, IÕll pass.Ó
He
seemed to have to think about it, so she said gently, ÒGood night, Spock.Ó
He
reached out before she could turn away.
ÒAre you upset?Ó
She
shook her head.
ÒYou
answered too quickly. Are you angry
or sad? You once loved me. Do you no longer feel that way?Ó
She
took a deep breath. Then she laid
her hand on his cheek, and he surprised her by leaning into it. Holy hell, he must be horny.
ÒI
may always love you, Spock. But
that doesnÕt mean IÕm an idiot. Or
that I want to volunteer my heart for a trampling.Ó She let her hand drop. ÒGood night.Ó
ÒAre
you staying on the ship?Ó
ÒTonight? I wasnÕt planning on jumping out an
airlock once I leave you.Ó
He
smiled. An actual
smile. Good God, this VÕger thing was creepy. ÒI meant for the long term.Ó
ÒI havenÕt decided yet.Ó
ÒAm
I the only variable in that decision?Ó
ÒNope.Ó She stifled a yawn. ÒIÕm tired, Spock. ItÕs been a hell of a day. Can we say goodnight now?Ó
He
nodded.
She
turned and walked back to her quarters.
Part of her was extremely disappointed she was not going to give Spock a
ride—when would she ever have the chance again? But the majority of her was throwing a
ÒChristine is my heroÓ parade.
##
She
saw Jim in the mess the next day, walked over to his booth once sheÕd gotten
her food, and asked, ÒIs this seat taken?Ó
He
looked up in surprise. ÒSit.Ó He smiled as she got settled. ÒI sort of thought you werenÕt talking
to me.Ó
ÒIÕm
sort of not.Ó
ÒThen
this is going to be a very dull breakfast.Ó He went back to his eggs, a silly grin
on his face.
ÒOkay
fine, IÕll get over the fact that you demoted me without cause and start
talking to you again.Ó She bit back
the smile that his grin always forced out of her. ÒSo IÕm trying to figure out if IÕm
going to stay on the ship.Ó
He
nodded, as if this was not a surprise.
ÒCastlestone and Navarro already contacted me
about the possibility of transferring you to their ships as CMO.Ó
ÒNice
of them to ask me first.Ó
ÒYou
know how this works, Chris. They
feel me out first, then they go to you. Once youÕre more of a player, theyÕll
feel you out first.Ó He pursed his
lips as if thinking about what heÕd just said. ÒIn a non nasty way, of course.Ó Again the grin.
She
laughed. ÒSo what did you tell
them?Ó
ÒI
told them I wasnÕt sure what you were going to do, but IÕd tell you about their
offers. Which was true and now I
have. What do you want to do?Ó
She
shrugged.
ÒActually,
I know what you want to do. I saw
you headed in the direction of guest quarters last night. HowÕd that work out for you?Ó His tone was just shy of mocking.
ÒDonÕt
act like that. YouÕre the one who
didnÕt want to sleep with me because IÕm in love with your best friend. I would have gladly been your sex buddy
when we were both on Earth.Ó
ÒMaybe
I wanted more than a sex buddy? Even
if Spock was gone—permanently, it seemed back then—it felt empty to
know the woman I liked was never going to love me best.Ó
ÒYeah,
well consider me delivered comeuppance.
He was more than willing to be my sex buddy. I just shouldnÕt expect any
emotion. I passed. So it didnÕt work out all that
well.Ó She shook her head and went
back to her bagel.
ÒIÕm
sorry. At least you got him halfway
there.Ó
ÒI
caught him post-VÕger on a horny moment. ThatÕs hardly getting him halfway.Ó She took a deep breath. ÒDo you want me to stay on the ship?Ó
ÒI
do. I enjoy having you around. And you wonÕt lecture me the same way
Bones will when I show up with weird rashes from adventures in opening
diplomatic relations.Ó
She
laughed. ÒNo, youÕre right. I wonÕt.Ó
He
reached over, squeezed her hand quickly, then let it
go. ÒYouÕre my friend. There were times on Earth I wished you
were more, but that didnÕt happen.
And now weÕre on the ship, so IÕm sort of glad it didnÕt. Easier to not mess in my nest.Ó
ÒYes,
Jan fully briefed me on that policy.Ó
He
made a Òwhat can you do?Ó expression.
ÒSheÕs never been on board with that policy.Ó
ÒSheÕs
in love with you.Ó
ÒI
know. ItÕs no doubt why sheÕs
already put in her transfer papers.Ó
He pushed his plate away, sipped his coffee. ÒSo what do you want to do? This really isnÕt about what I want.Ó
ÒMaybe
I should go. Navarro seems nice.Ó
ÒHeÕs
a good guy. Decent
to his crew. His shipÕs on an interesting mission—not as interesting as
my girlÕs here, but then what is?Ó
She
grinned. ÒThe stupid part of me
wants to stay. The stupid part of
me thinks I can make Spock love me as much as I love him.Ó
ÒIs
it stupid to be romantic?Ó
ÒYeah,
Jim, I think it is.Ó She held her
coffee mug up to him, waited till he clinked his against it. ÒGod help me, IÕm staying.Ó
ÒI
knew that. And for what itÕs worth,
I hope you get what you want.Ó
##
Chapel
thought Captain Cupid was doing everything in his power to help her get what
she wanted. She found herself on an
awful lot of landing parties that included Spock. But if Jim expected her to launch some
kind of Òland SpockÓ campaign, he was missing the point.
SheÕd
been there. SheÕd done that. SheÕd earned the fucking reputation of
pathetic sap. So, she was in love
with a man who didnÕt love her?
Plenty of women could say that.
It didnÕt need to make her an idiot.
Instead
she nodded and was polite and made conversation when necessary—and pretty
much avoided Spock any other time.
There
were lots of new crewmembers to get to know on this refitted ship. Eager young kids. Older hands who
had worked many years to get to the Enterprise.
All interesting, and none of
them making her heartstrings sound furiously, which she counted as a godsend.
She
was pondering this in the lab, analyzing results from the latest landing party,
when the door opened and Spock walked in.
She expected him to go to anyone else but her, to do anything else but
take the seat next to her.
ÒMake
yourself at home.Ó
ÒYou
are avoiding me.Ó
ÒYou
are getting better at reading what is right in front of you.Ó She gave him a snotty smile.
ÒYou
say you are not angry at me. Yet
sarcasm, as Doctor McCoy explains it, is often a cover for anger.Ó
ÒYou
asked Len to explain sarcasm to you?Ó
ÒPrecisely. ItÕs his nearly his second language, is
it not? Who better?Ó
She
had to admit that made sense, even if sheÕd never admit it to him. Instead she went back to studying the
results.
ÒI
insulted you the last time we talked.Ó
ÒThe
last time we talked, you asked me for a tricorder. No insult there.Ó
ÒThe
last time we had a conversation of import, I insulted you.Ó
She
turned to look at him. ÒActually,
you didnÕt. You just told me what
you wanted. What you wanted and
what I wanted happened to be different things. I said no. End of story.Ó
ÒIt
is not the end of the story.Ó
ÒBig
damn ego, Spock. How do you know I
havenÕt found someone else?Ó
ÒBecause
you could have had Jim and you didnÕt take him. If you didnÕt take Jim, why would anyone
else do?Ó
ÒHe
told you that?Ó
ÒHe
did not have to. He has a certain
way of looking at you—of talking about you. I know you do not think much of my
command of the social niceties, Christine, but I can recognize a man who wants
a woman he canÕt have.Ó He leaned
in. ÒWhy canÕt he have you?Ó
She
leaned in so their lips were very close.
ÒBecause he doesnÕt shit in his own nest. What makes you think this has anything
to do with you?Ó
ÒBecause
I know him and I know you.Ó He
settled his hand over hers; his grip was like durasteel. ÒIf I move ever so slightly, we will be
kissing.Ó
She
dropped her other hand to her lap.
ÒAnd if I move my hand—ever so slightly—youÕll be singing
soprano. Do you understand that
reference?Ó
ÒYes.Ó He let go of her hand and eased away
slightly.
ÒWhat
the hell do you want, Spock?Ó She
looked around the lab. No one was
paying any attention to them. They were having their weird little war
very, very quietly. ÒDo you want me
to tell you I love you? Fine. I do. So what? Now go away and let me finish my work or
you can explain to the man who tasked me with this—oh wait, that would be
you—why I didnÕt finish.Ó
ÒI
can extend the deadline if you will come back to my quarters with me.Ó
ÒWhatÕs
your rush? Afraid the VÕger effect will wear off before youÕve had a chance to
play with your Christine doll?Ó
ÒDo
you not want to...play?Ó
ÒI
do want to. I very much want
to. IÕm curious as hell what it
would be like to go back there with you.
But it sounds pretty empty, all told. I donÕt relish waking up next to you and
finding youÕre not interested in having me there—or worse, discovering
that waking up next to you isnÕt in the cards, that youÕd rather I leave once
youÕre done playing.Ó
ÒIn
what way have I said I would do any of those things?Ó
ÒWell,
I have to extrapolate from what I know of
you, donÕt I? Because
I donÕt know you. So, no, IÕm not going back to your
goddamn quarters. Now get out
before I reconsider my decision not to transfer off this ship.Ó
He
stood up slowly. ÒWe shared
consciousness. How is that not
knowing me?Ó
ÒYour
consciousness was stuck in mine.
You hovered in the background like a big ball of Spockness
keeping to yourself. It wasnÕt as
if we merged.Ó
He
looked down. ÒAnd we have never
melded. We could—Ó
She
held up her hand. ÒSpock, please.Ó
He
turned and walked out of the lab.
When
she got back to her quarters, there was a message from him with one word on
it. ÒCoffee?Ó
She
smiled and sent back a three-word reply.
ÒWhere and when?Ó
##
Chapel
sat down in the mess with Spock. It
was after the dinner rush, during a happy hour in the rec lounge. They had the mess nearly to
themselves. As she thought Spock
wanted it.
ÒKind
of lonely in here,Ó she said as she busied herself putting milk and sugar in
her coffee.
He
seemed fascinated by her preparations.
ÒWill there be any coffee left when you are
done?Ó
She laughed. ÒYes.Ó
He
was drinking water, which he sipped slowly. ÒWould you prefer to be in the rec
lounge with your friends?Ó
ÒI
didnÕt say that.Ó
ÒYou
did not not
say that, either.Ó
ÒTrue.Ó She stirred the coffee until she was
sure the sugar was fully dissolved.
ÒIÕm fine here with you.Ó
ÒGood.Ó He leaned back, and his expression
looked slightly troubled. ÒI wish
to ask a question that may anger you.Ó
She
laughed. ÒYou? Anger me? Never.Ó
His
look lightened. ÒSo I may proceed?Ó
ÒFortune
favors the brave.Ó
ÒThat
is JimÕs saying.Ó
ÒHeÕs
my friend, Spock. Some things may
have rubbed off.Ó She cocked an
eyebrow, knew it was a creditable version of his own
look. ÒIs that what you want to ask
me about?Ó
ÒNo,
but I reserve the right to revisit that topic.Ó
She
rolled her eyes. ÒThis isnÕt a
parliamentary debate, lover.Ó
ÒI
am not your lover. If I were, we
would not be here.Ó
ÒWell,
we still might be here. It just
might not be as awkward.Ó She
thought about it. ÒOr, knowing you,
it might be even more awkward. Tons
more awkward.Ó
ÒMay
I ask my question?Ó
ÒSure.Ó
ÒYou
have told me—on multiple occasions—that you love me. Is that not true?Ó
ÒIt
is.Ó
ÒAnd
you have told me that it would be ill advised for you to have sex with me
because you do not know me.Ó
ÒThatÕs
a slightly haphazard paraphrasing of my words.Ó
ÒFeel
free to edit.Ó
ÒI
said I didnÕt want to sleep with you if you donÕt have feelings for me that go
past lust. Or if I didnÕt actually
say it, thatÕs what I meant.Ó
ÒAh. Very well. So you wish for my feelings to match
yours?Ó
She
nodded. Then she realized he had a
look on his face that she had seen several times when he was playing chess with
Jim in the rec lounge. Usually just
before he won.
Crap. Where was he going with this?
ÒBut...you
have said—repeatedly—that we do not know each other. Is that not correct?Ó
ÒYesssss.Ó She
studied him. Saw where he was going
with this too late. ÒBut—Ó
ÒBut
nothing, Christine. How can you
love me if you do not know me? How
can your feelings be any truer than mine?Ó
ÒYouÕre
using logic to disprove love.
ThatÕs fairly obscene.Ó
ÒOnly
because you are on the side of love.
You have been using it to disprove lust and it caused you no dissonance
at all.Ó
She
opened another sugar packet, was about to pour it into her coffee when he
reached over and stopped her.
ÒI
believe you have enough sugar for four humans in that cup.Ó
She
let him take the sugar packet away.
ÒLove and lust are different.Ó
ÒThey
are both emotions.Ó
ÒThey
are different kinds of emotions.Ó
ÒI
agree. And I would postulate that
lust is the more likely emotion to run true when based on a lack of knowledge
of the person involved. I see you,
I am drawn to what I see, and I desire you. That is lust. Love...is not love something more?Ó
She
could feel her smile growing angry—and frustrated. Where was all this damn insight coming
from? VÕger?
ÒAre
you sure what you feel is not just lust, Christine?Ó
ÒLust
doesnÕt last this long, Spock.Ó
ÒThan
perhaps a crush. Leonard explained
those to me, too.Ó
ÒDid
you tell him this was about me?
Because I am going to ki—Ó
ÒI
did not. I only couched it in terms
of VÕger leaving me with confusion and questions, and
as he was the most emotional human I knew, he seemed the one to answer my
questions.Ó
She
stared at him. Saw no duplicity in
his expression. Then again, he was
a damn Vulcan. He could be lying six ways from Sunday and she might not know it. ÒWhat is your point?Ó
ÒI
would postulate this question. How
do you know your love, based on no interaction or reciprocated interest in me,
is any more real than my desire, spurred on by a life-changing event?Ó
ÒKnow? These are emotions. I feel it.Ó
ÒAnd
I feel desire. Desire
that has not gone away in the last few weeks. Desire that I do not feel in the same
way for other women.Ó
ÒAha,
but you do feel it for other women.Ó
ÒI
notice them. I compare them
favorably or unfavorably to you, but it makes no difference. I am drawn to you. However I rank them compared to you, you
are the one I want.Ó
ÒSo
who ranks higher?Ó
ÒWhat?Ó
ÒWho
ranks higher than I do?Ó She
crossed her arms and tapped her foot, although she realized he couldnÕt see her
doing that.
ÒLieutenant
Caldoza is quite beautiful. Ensign Rivers. I am unsure whether I find Nyota more
attractive or not.Ó
She
let her eyebrows go up in a way that should have told him he was nearing
quicksand and buried mines.
ÒI
believe Commander Latonna would be your equal if she
was more intelligent. Her inability
to employ agile thinking drops her in attractiveness. There are still many more new members of
the crew I have not met yet.Ó
ÒSo
there may be tons of women on this crew that are way prettier than I am? ThatÕs what youÕre saying. To the woman you want to bed? Think carefully about your answer, Spock.Ó
He
met her eyes. ÒI have told
you. From a purely physical
standpoint they are perhaps more attractive. That does not mean that I want them more
or at all. I am drawn to you. This is a simple thing.Ó
ÒBut
you think IÕm prettier than at least half the female crew?Ó God damn, would he throw her a fucking
bone?
ÒI
would say you are more attractive than seventy six point eight two percent.Ó
ÒWoo
hoo, IÕd make quorum.Ó She sighed and leaned back. ÒYou realize youÕve stripped all the
romance out of this interaction.Ó
ÒDid
you expect romance? You should have
let Jim pursue you if that was the case.Ó
ÒWow,
you really can circle back.Ó She
got up, went to get herself more coffee, took his glass without asking and
filled it, too.
ÒThank
you,Ó he said softly.
ÒI
was up.Ó She tried to bury herself
in the ritual of milk and sugar, but he eased the mug away from her, added the
milk and sugar for her, even stirred it just right.
ÒYou
were not involved with Jim? I do
not wish to hurt my best friend.Ó
ÒI
wasnÕt. HeÕs my friend. I love him—but as a friend.Ó
ÒDoes
he love you as more?Ó
She
gave Jim the courtesy of thinking about that. ÒHe could have. But we never—you were always in
the way. He likes to come first.Ó
Spock
nodded, as if all the things she could have said, that made the most sense. Then he passed her back her mug.
ÒWhy
do you want me, Spock? You went
five years without wanting me.Ó
ÒGol. VÕger. Two...diametrically
opposed forces. One ripping the emotion from me—by my own choice. The other forcing all the emotion back
and asking me why, how, what did it all mean—also my own decision to
experience it. And at the end of
it, while you might think I would be somewhere in the middle, I was not. VÕger won the
battle, overcoming everything the priestess at Gol
tried to do. I was left with
longing. I was left full of
emotions.Ó He held his hand out to
her. ÒI was left lonely.Ó
She
slid her hand his way, gripped his hand tightly, closed
her eyes as he slipped his fingers between hers. ÒBut why me?Ó
ÒWell,
that is what we will find out. I
will find out what I want from you, and you will find out why you love
me—or even if you do.Ó
ÒYou
think I donÕt?Ó
He
was doing interesting things to her palm with his thumb. ÒI have had time to analyze you. I think you are a woman who needs to be
devoted to something. But not
necessarily to something that demands much of her. I wonder—I am concerned, to be
honest—that you will not want what you think you desire. As I once said to a friend of mine:
ÔHaving is not so satisfying a thing as wanting.ÕÓ
ÒYou
donÕt think much of me.Ó
ÒOn
the contrary, it is an eminently logical way to feel love without any form of
commitment in your life. Moreover,
you appear to others to be devoted and faithful—a paragon of womanhood.Ó
She
laughed loudly. ÒI appear to others
to be a doormat who loves men who donÕt love me.Ó
ÒBut
I am a fine catch. Intelligent,
powerful, Vulcan royalty.Ó
ÒYouÕre
royalty? Are you rich?Ó
ÒI
am. So you see. An excellent man to fixate on.Ó
ÒNever
realized that about the rich part.
DonÕt usually like rich men.
They treat their women like shit.Ó
His
mouth ticked up, nearly into a real smile.
ÒI will attempt not to do that to you.Ó
ÒIÕm
not with you.Ó
ÒNot
yet.Ó He gave her
a very self satisfied look.
ÒMaybe
not ever.Ó
ÒThere
are always possibilities.Ó
ÒYes,
ones that donÕt include you, darling.Ó
She sipped her coffee, not willing to let him know how much she was enjoying
this conversation. He was raising a
number of interesting things, being open, and being fun in the process.
Truth
be told: she wouldnÕt have believed he had it in him.
##
Chapel
hustled her team of doctors, nurses, and security officers newly dubbed as
corpsmen into the transporter room.
Jim was waiting with Len by the transporter station. Spock was already on the pad.
ÒHan
and Calder are getting sickbay ready,Ó she told Len.
He
motioned her over, showed her the readings heÕd pulled up. ÒIÕve been talking to the meds on the
planet. TheyÕve got their hands
full with their own people. WeÕre
just to get the Federation people out.Ó
ÒWhat
arenÕt you saying?Ó
ÒThis
embassy was a hard one to establish.
Not a lot of interspecies trust.
They arenÕt touching our people.
They donÕt want us near theirs.
Nowhere near theirs.Ó
ÒNo
matter what?Ó
ÒIÕm
afraid so. I hate situations like
this.Ó
ÒWhich
is why youÕre having me lead the med team, isnÕt it?Ó She smiled at him gently. ÒYou couldnÕt help yourself if one of
them needed you.Ó Then she
frowned. ÒBut I can.Ó
ÒYouÕre
more pragmatic than I am, and we both know it. Big green elfman
notwithstanding.Ó
ÒOh,
heÕll keep me on the straight and narrow.
I assume heÕs fully briefed on the status quo down there?Ó
ÒThat
he is.Ó
She
turned, saw that the team had assembled, sliding folding
gurneys, with large med backpacks slung over their shoulders. ÒOkay, then.Ó She waited with the half of the team
that would go on second beam out, got on the pad as soon as the first team
disappeared. They were beamed out
once Jim got the all clear from Spock.
The
first thing that met them was the overwhelming smell of
charred—everything. Wood,
metal, and flesh.
ÒIf
youÕre going to throw up, do it now,Ó she said, and saw Spock glance over at
her in what looked like surprise.
She
swallowed hard, and his eyes softened.
Then she heard the sound of someone behind her puking and moved
away—that sound never failed to make her want to
throw up, too.
ÒListen
to me. Only going to say this
once. We work on Federation
personnel only. It will cause the
mother of all diplomatic crises if we treat any of the locals. Got it?Ó
Everyone
nodded, except the woman throwing up, who gave a thumbs
up.
ÒOkay,
letÕs head out.Ó
She
realized Spock was waiting for her, caught up with him and asked softly, ÒWhat
happened here?Ó
ÒAn
incendiary device went off in the main plaza. There is no radiation, fortunately.Ó
ÒThank
God. Those damn suits slow down
everything.Ó
He
nodded. ÒThe Federation embassy is
not centrally located so there are survivors. But the damage to the cityÕs main plaza,
as you can see, is extreme.Ó
ÒWhy
do people do this?Ó
They
stood for a moment, looking over the twisted and burnt landscape.
ÒI
do not know,Ó Spock said, almost in a whisper. ÒWhat do you need me to do for you? Officially I am here to run interference
with the Zelonans and serve as a liaison with the
families of any injured Federation officials.Ó
ÒIt
sounds like you have a full plate. Just
watch our backs.Ó She smiled
tightly.
He nodded and led them away from the main blast area to a spot less heavily hit
but still full of broken glass, ruined transports, and injured people. Chapel motioned for her team to get to
work. Fortunately, the Zelonans were physically distinct from Federation species,
so it was easy to tell who their patients were.
They
worked through the day, sending some—a very few—home after
repairing broken limbs and abraded tissue, and arranging for transport on the Enterprise for the rest. Chapel watched
her team as she worked, getting to know how they operated, together and as
individuals. Who was slow—who
went quickly, but maybe too fast.
Who looked like this was too much to take—and it wasnÕt Nurse
Johnson, the one whoÕd been throwing up initially. She turned out to be the most stalwart
of the bunch.
Chapel
caught up with her when she was taking a quick break.
ÒSorry
about the vomit. I wasnÕt expecting
the smell.Ó
ÒDonÕt
worry about it. Our bodies react the
way they react. YouÕve run rings
around the others.Ó
ÒJust
trying to show that I deserve to be on the Enterprise,
Doctor.Ó
ÒWell,
I already knew that.Ó Chapel
grinned at her. ÒI picked the
staff.Ó
ÒI
thought you were the CMO but then suddenly Doctor McCoy was and—Ó
ÒItÕll
only make your head hurt if you try to figure it out. Deputy is fine with me.Ó
ÒSo
McCoy is okay?Ó
Johnson
was looking at her with an expression that told Chapel she had the womanÕs
loyalty from here on out. If she
told her Len was a sack of shit, the woman would believe her. ÒMcCoy is great. I worked as his head nurse for years and
IÕm staying on to work with him again.
So...?Ó
ÒI
guess heÕs okay, then. I didnÕt
realize youÕd been a nurse.Ó
ÒYep. So I understand what you go
through. And IÕll try not to be
that kind of doctor.Ó She grinned.
ÒWell,
for the record, you havenÕt been yet.
We like you.Ó
We. So Johnson spoke for the nurses—or
thought she did. Good to know.
Johnson
glanced at something behind ChapelÕs back.
ÒDoctor, I think Commander Spock wants you.Ó
Chapel
almost laughed—out of the mouth of babes. She looked over, and when Spock saw that
she was paying attention, he cocked his head for her to come over. ÒI think youÕre right. Let me go see what our first officer
wants.Ó
She
walked over to him, smiled and said, ÒYou gestured enigmatically?Ó
He
almost smiled but there was fatigue in his eyes—more than she expected
for someone who had basically had nothing much to do so far. ÒWhat is your status?Ó
ÒWe
have three patients left in various stages of triage. All being sent up to
the ship for transport. The
families havenÕt come yet, have they?Ó
ÒThey
have not. I believe the Zelonans are restricting information. There will be a deluge when they finally
release the news.Ó
ÒPeople
couldnÕt have missed hearing a blast from an explosion this big.Ó
ÒNo. But if theyÕve been told to stay in
their residences because there is a continued threat...Ó
ÒAh. Yes.Ó She sighed. ÒI hate things like this.Ó She touched his arm. ÒHow can I help you? You look so tired and youÕve
done—Ó
ÒNothing. I have done nothing.Ó
She
agreed but found herself defending him.
ÒYouÕve soaked up the atmosphere here. YouÕve watched us work. YouÕve smelled burned flesh with nothing
to do to distract you. YouÕre tired
because this is horrible. YouÕre
tired because VÕger left you open to feeling the full
awfulness of it.Ó
ÒI
believe you are right.Ó
ÒSo
how can I help?Ó
ÒI
will need you and one other person.
We will have to arrange guest quarters for those traveling to the
Federation medical facility with their family members. And then ensure they have boarded the
ship before we can depart, as many will show up here initially not realizing
they will be leaving.Ó
ÒJohnson
can stay. If Len needs us back,
though, you may have to make due with other staff.Ó
ÒVery
well.Ó He leaned ever so slightly
against her, as if he was drawing some kind of comfort from the contact. ÒI have coordinated our plans with the
ship. A bank of
guest quarters have been downloaded to those.Ó He pointed to three padds sitting on a
bench near them. ÒWe can reserve
them as we go. I have other padds
for the family members to fill out if they need any special
accommodations.Ó He indicated a
container full of smaller padds—the kind instructors used in classrooms.
ÒGotcha.Ó
He
was still leaning against her.
ÒAre
you all right?Ó
He
seemed to realize what he was doing, straightened up. ÒI am fine.Ó
ÒSo
that wasnÕt whateverÕs going on between us, was it?Ó
ÒI
am a professional, Christine. This
is hardly the time for that.Ó
ÒJust
had to check.Ó She heard her name
being called.
ÒGo. I am fine. Finish what you are doing.Ó
ÒIÕll
brief Johnson while IÕm at it.
YouÕll like her. SheÕs
efficient.Ó
He
nodded and went back to his vigil, waiting for people who seemed determined not
to come, staring out at the smoke slowly rising from the central square. His expression was...off but she
couldnÕt have explained how if anyone asked. She watched him for a moment more, then hurried back to the medical team.
##
The
line of family members was three deep, and Chapel worked the middle section
with Spock to her right and Johnson to her left, asking standard questions for
traumatized people. ÒDo you want to
accompany your loved one to the medical facility?Ó ÒWill you be leaving anyone on the
planet to stay in your habitat?Ó
ÒIf not, please be sure to pack anything of value in your
carryalls.Ó
Those
who had come to Zelona as part of the first diplomatic
wave had packed light—theyÕd known they might have to bug out at a
momentÕs notice. Most of the people
Chapel dealt with nodded and went back to their structures to get what they
needed before departure.
Spock,
however, seemed to be having some difficulty with the woman he was dealing
with. He could not seem to get a
word in edgewise—not his usual style—and Chapel thought she heard
him exhale as if in frustration.
The
woman he was dealing with appeared unusually flustered, almost in a panic, and
was reaching out for him.
ÒMadame,
I must insist you control yourself.Ó
His voice was harsh—far too harsh for the situation they were in.
Chapel
shot him a look, then realized he was clenching the
padd he was holding so tightly it had begun to buckle. She finished up with the person she was
working with, and told the next person, ÒGive me five minutes. I was just hailed.Ó
It
was a lie, but her communicator was on her hip so she didnÕt think the man
could tell she wasnÕt telling the truth.
She
leaned in, interrupting Spock and the woman. ÒCommander, I think you need to take
this comm.Ó
ÒNot
now, Christine.Ó
She
turned so only he could hear her.
ÒIn case I wasnÕt clear, that wasnÕt Christine to Spock, that was the
Deputy Chief Medical Officer to the First Officer. Come with me.Ó She turned to the woman. ÒWeÕll be back in just a few minutes. The ship has some news for us, and we
have to take this.Ó
She
resisted pulling Spock away bodily.
ÒWhat
is the meaning of this, Doctor?Ó
She
kept them turned so the others couldnÕt see them. ÒLift your hands for me.Ó
ÒI
fail to see—Ó
ÒJust
do it.Ó
He
lifted his hands; they were shaking violently. He stared at them as if they were
traitors. ÒI am fine. We have work to do.Ó
ÒYes,
Johnson and I have work to do. You
need to get up to the ship. YouÕre
off this landing party.Ó
ÒI
am in charge of this landing party.Ó
ÒNot
any more.Ó She tried to keep her
eyes as gentle as she could. ÒThis
is VÕger related and we both know it.Ó
ÒI
have been fine on the ship. I am
perhaps tired.Ó
ÒYou
donÕt get tired, not after a few hours doing nothing more than waiting
around. What you are, in my medical
opinion, is overwhelmed.Ó
ÒYou
have no idea what you are talking about.Ó
She
touched his arm and he slapped it away—quite hard. Then stared down at his own hand as if
it had betrayed him again.
ÒAs
I said: overwhelmed.Ó
All
his bluster seemed to fade. ÒYes,
by this barrage of emotion you humans are exposed to daily. How do you stand it?Ó
ÒWe
donÕt have to, Spock. What youÕre
going through is because youÕre Vulcan.
IÕm pretty sure itÕs your telepathy overreacting to stimuli, but weÕll
need to run some scans and compare them to older ones to make sure. But itÕs not human—IÕm not feeling
what you are.Ó
He
looked down. ÒI see.Ó He tangled his fingers together, and she
knew he was trying to hide how much his hands were shaking. ÒI see the logic of you removing me from
this environment. I will report to
my station on the bridge.Ó
ÒSpock,
what if we have an emergency? How
will you react to anyoneÕs heightened emotions right now?Ó
ÒChristine,
I am fine. Please do not do
this.Ó He leaned in, his eyes
almost pleading.
If
she needed more proof than that, she didnÕt know what it would be. Spock did not plead. ÒYou will report to Jim. And tell him everything. And he can decide if you stay on the
bridge or not. Or if itÕs easier, you
will voluntarily remove yourself from duty and IÕll tell him everything.Ó
ÒYou
think I should be relieved of duty.Ó
ÒIÕm
sorry. But I do.Ó She met his eyes. ÒNow do you tell Jim or do I?Ó
ÒI
will.Ó
ÒYour
word on that?Ó
He
nodded.
ÒIÕm
sorry.Ó She flipped open her
communicator, tried to ignore the look of betrayal and anger in his eyes. ÒChapel to Enterprise.Ó
ÒEnterprise here.Ó
ÒMister
Spock is ready to beam up.Ó
ÒAye
aye, Doctor.Ó
As
soon as he started to fade away, she made her way back to the line of those
waiting. ÒSorry, Commander Spock is
needed on the ship to take care of your loved ones. But no one will lose their
place in the queue. Nurse Johnson
and I will rotate taking the middle line.Ó
She
glanced over at Johnson; the other woman gave her an encouraging smile. Chapel took a deep breath and smiled at
the woman Spock had been working with.
ÒNow, tell me how I can help?Ó
##
ÒOh
my God, IÕm tired, Doctor,Ó Johnson said as she watched the last of the
families beam up to the ship.
ÒItÕs
Christine, Julia. Now that weÕre off duty. LetÕs get back to the ship.Ó She grabbed the container of padds. ÒI donÕt know if IÕll ever get the smell
of this place out of my nose.Ó
ÒI
know. A long shower and then IÕm
going to bed.Ó
ÒShower,
yes. But IÕm heading to the rec
lounge. IÕm too wound up to sleep. I need a drink—stat.Ó
Johnson
made a funny face. ÒIs that maybe
because you sent Commander Spock back to the ship.Ó
ÒI
have no idea what youÕre talking about.Ó
ÒFair
enough. Discretion about him means
you wonÕt gab about anything I ever tell you.Ó
ÒWell,
actually it might not. He outranks
me. I may just be smart, not
discreet.Ó Chapel grinned.
Johnson
laughed. ÒGood point. IÕll try to figure out which it is,
Christine, as I get to know you.Ó
Chapel
called for beam out, was very happy to see the ship materialize around
her. She took the padds back to
sickbay, got an update from the head of Beta shift, and then went to her
quarters and used up two dayÕs worth of water rations in the shower.
When
she got to the rec lounge, it was fairly quiet. She found Jim nursing a Scotch.
ÒAh,
just the woman I wanted to see.Ó He
motioned the bartender over.
ÒSheÕll have what IÕm having.Ó
ÒMake
it a double.Ó She sat down next to Jim.
ÒSo,
care to explain why you couldnÕt just relieve Spock of duty yourself? Why you had to make me do it? Was that payback for demoting you? Or did you not want to hurt your new
boyfriendÕs feelings by taking the initiative?Ó
She
turned slowly to meet his eyes, then looked at the bartender as he brought the
Scotch over. ÒThatÕll be on his
tab.Ó
ÒIt
will?Ó the bartender asked.
ÒYes,
it will.Ó
Jim
shrugged when the bartender looked at him for confirmation.
She
took a nice long sip before she put the glass down gently, turned to look at Jim,
and said, ÒAre you fucking kidding me?Ó
He
looked surprised.
ÒJim,
I didnÕt run any tests before I sent him packing. Primarily because we had a line of
people three deep that we needed to get off that goddamn planet so I didnÕt
have time. And I couldnÕt send him
up to sickbay because itÕs full of wounded. The mere fact that Spock
came back to the ship without me running a test on him—that he didnÕt
call me on that immediately—was enough, on top of all the other signs, to
take him off of the immediate mission. But to relieve him
from general duty? No. I needed more.Ó
She
took another sip of her Scotch. ÒCall
me overcautious, but I didnÕt want the first time I relieved a superior officer
from duty to be irregular—and full of history. I plan to run those fucking tests,
however. Or have Len do it. Whichever option Spock prefers. But in the meantime, I needed you to
make the decision, or for Spock to voluntarily take himself off duty and IÕd
tell you that he did it. I did give
him the choice. He chose to let you
decide. So there you have it.Ó
He
sighed. ÒBecause I donÕt need
tests. I can remove him at will.Ó
ÒRemove
at will. Demote at will.Ó She raised her glass in a mock
toast. ÒIt wasnÕt payback. But how dare you. IÕve been down there working my ass off
while youÕve been up here waiting to spring that on me?Ó
ÒIÕm
sorry. It just seemed...Ó He
sighed. ÒHe was not happy.Ó
ÒNo
shit he was not happy. I bet he
never asks me to help out on landing party special duty again.Ó She laughed, the sound was bitter. ÒYou should have seen his face when I
called for the transporter room to beam him out.Ó
ÒYou
didnÕt.Ó He had a look of grudging
admiration.
ÒOh,
yes, I did. In for a penny, in for
a pound.Ó
ÒDamn,
woman.Ó He shook his head. ÒSo much for your love life.Ó
ÒIs
this any kind of surprise? But hey,
I made a new friend. A nurse that
seems pretty terrific.Ó
ÒFriends
are good.Ó He smiled. ÒEspecially when they buy you more
Scotch after they insult you.Ó
ÒBuy
it for me next time. If I drink any
more than this tonight, IÕll be sick.Ó
She bumped her shoulder lightly against his. ÒAnd youÕre forgiven. You know I canÕt stay mad at you.Ó
Too
bad Spock wouldnÕt feel the same way about her.
##
Against
her better judgment, she popped into her quarters to get her medkit then went to SpockÕs quarters. When he answered his chime, she said, ÒI
know youÕre furious with me.Ó
ÒYou
know nothing.Ó
ÒOkay,
then I know nothing.Ó She held up
the medkit.
ÒI thought you might want me to start some initial scans now? Or I can ask Len to do it tomorrow if youÕd
prefer a male. Your choice
completely.Ó
ÒIt
is very late.Ó
ÒThe
sooner I get these in the system, the sooner we figure out whatÕs going on.Ó
ÒAnd
the sooner I am allowed to return to duty.
Your logic is quite good.Ó
He moved aside and let her in.
ÒI presume I am not required to strip for this?Ó
She
shook her head.
ÒThen
you will be acceptable. Let us
proceed.Ó He led her to the table
where heÕd clearly been working, sat down and went back to work as she scanned
him, ignoring her as efficiently as he ever had on their first mission.
She
took a number of scans that she could compare to ones theyÕd captured right
after the meld with VÕger as well as with older ones
from the first mission. Then she
started to collect basic bio data.
ÒOkay, all done. IÕll send
Len if we need anything else.Ó
She
turned to go, felt him grab her arm and yank her back almost painfully. ÒWhat the hell, Spock?Ó
ÒI
am angry with you.Ó
ÒSo
I see.Ó She tried to pull
free.
He
did not let go, but his grip eased so while she couldnÕt get away, she didnÕt
feel that her arm was going to be bruised in the morning. ÒI have another feeling toward you.Ó
ÒDisappointment? Regret that you wasted your time?Ó
His
lips ticked up. ÒRespect.Ó He let her go.
ÒWhat?Ó
ÒI
know that you are familiar with some Vulcan tenets.Ó He gestured for her to take the chair
next to him, so she sat. ÒDo you
know ÔThe needs of the many outweigh the needs of the fewÕ?Ó
ÒOr
the one?Ó She nodded. ÒYou think thatÕs what I did?Ó
ÒThat
is what you did. And while it was...embarrassing for me,
it had to be done. And I realize
you did it in the most efficient way possible and in a way designed to spare me
further humiliation.Ó
ÒI
didnÕt want to hurt you.Ó
ÒI
appreciate that. Even if I am also
quite annoyed with you.Ó
ÒSorry. Just doing my job, sir.Ó
He
studied her for a long time—long enough that it began to make her
uncomfortable—then he slid his chair closer to hers, reached over, and began
to undo the clips that held her hair up.
ÒWhat
are you doing?Ó
ÒRelieving
you of something.Ó
She
tried not to smile. ÒHow far are
you going to take that?Ó
ÒHow
far will you let me?Ó
ÒYouÕre
my patient.Ó
ÒAnd
before that, I was your potential lover.
May I point out that I am currently no longer in your chain of
command? This may be an excellent
time to allow me to take advantage of you.Ó
ÒI
think Starfleet Medical would view it as the other way around.Ó
He
made a Òwhat of it?Ó face that she was surprised he could manage.
ÒItÕs
been a very long day, Spock.Ó
ÒFor
me, as well.Ó He stood up, pulled
her to her feet. ÒWhat do you want
to do?Ó
ÒIÕm
dead on my feet and I just had a double Scotch. Tonight is not the night to have sex for
the first time with you.Ó
ÒThen
what do you suggest?Ó
ÒItÕs
stupid.Ó
ÒI
am open to hearing it. I am clearly
not at my best, so in no position to judge.Ó
She
laughed softly. ÒCan we just
cuddle? God, that sounds even
stupider when I say it out loud.Ó
ÒBy
cuddling, am I to take it you would like to sleep here?Ó
She
could feel her eyes going to the ÒIÕve worked too long and did not need to make
that drink a doubleÓ half-lidded stage.
ÒYes, thatÕs what IÕm saying—IÕd like to sleep in your arms.Ó
ÒDo
we need to strip for that?Ó
ÒYou
do live in hope, donÕt you?Ó She
smiled and put her arms around his neck, not really thinking about what she was
doing till she was there, her chest pressed against his, her lips
next to his.
His
eyebrow went up very high.
ÒIÕm
pretty sure my body language is saying you can kiss me, though.Ó
He
leaned in and kissed her tenderly instead of passionately. A kiss appropriate for
a night of cuddling instead of sex.
ÒYou are exhausted. I can
feel it when I touch you.Ó
ÒMore
than you normally would feel it?Ó
He
seemed to consider. ÒNo.Ó
ÒGood. Maybe it was just...overwhelming
today. So much
sensory input—of the horrific kind. So much emotion. From the injured, the med team, and the
families.Ó
ÒYou
should not go into an experiment with your conclusion so firmly fixed.Ó
ÒYouÕre
not an experiment to me.Ó
ÒI
am profoundly glad to hear that.Ó
He
put his arm around her and eased her to the bed, drew back the covers and
waited for her to kick off her shoes, then followed her into bed. He kissed her a few more times, but she
barely had the energy to kiss him back.
ÒIÕm
sorry, Spock. IÕm just so tired.Ó
ÒI
should have been down there with you.Ó
ÒYou
didnÕt know. None of us did. WeÕll figure out whatÕs going on.Ó She curled into him. ÒIÕm sorry I had to do that to you.Ó
His
lips on her cheek were the last thing she felt before
she fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.
##
Chapel
woke sprawled across SpockÕs chest, a drool puddle under her chin, darkening
his shirt. ÒOh, yeah, thatÕs what
you want to wake up to.Ó
ÒGood
morning.Ó He ran his hand through
her hair—he seemed to like her hair.
Were Vulcans hair men the way Human males were either leg or breast men? At any rate, he didnÕt seem perturbed by
the drool. Maybe Vulcan women were
the drool champions of the quadrant?
Or
maybe she was just making up stories to avoid being embarrassed that she was
the drool champ. She smiled at
him. ÒHow long have you been awake?Ó
ÒAn
hour and some.Ó
ÒThat
is startlingly imprecise.Ó
ÒI
am aware of that.Ó He touched her
forehead, trailed his fingers over her eyebrow, then down her cheek. ÒI have revised my former estimate. I have decided you are more desirable
than all other women on the ship.Ó
ÒThatÕs
either more of VÕgerÕs effects impacting your ability
to properly assess beauty or you woke up horny, which can also make any
available woman seem exponentially more attractive until after the sex act is
complete and you come to your senses—and then try to sneak out while
sheÕs sleeping.Ó She grinned at
him.
ÒYou
have a very low opinion of me. And
of yourself.Ó
ÒMeh. Despite my wanton begging for a high
placement in the attractiveness ranking during our first date for coffee, I
have come to terms with my assets and shortcomings in the beauty department. I have great legs,
a stellar set of bazoombasÓ—at his look of
confusion, she laughed and pointed to her breasts—Òhair you appear to
think is nice, and pretty eyes. IÕm
not a beautiful woman, but IÕm tall and IÕve got something that makes men stop to
look usually. I use what God gave
me and I donÕt fret about what he didnÕt.Ó
ÒA
most rational approach to oneÕs own appearance, but I didnÕt say you were the
most beautiful on the ship: I said you were the most desirable.Ó He let his fingers travel down the other
side of her face. ÒI will use
myself as an example. Jim is, by
most scales of attractiveness, a handsome man, is he not?Ó
ÒGorgeous.Ó
SpockÕs
face clouded for a moment. ÒI see I
will limit in the future how often I tell you other women are beautiful. The resulting sensation upon hearing
that is not pleasant.Ó
ÒWise
man.Ó
ÒBut
my point is that although Jim is objectively more attractive than I am, you
find me more desirable. To the point where he did not pursue you, although he clearly would
have liked to, because your preference was so clear. Have I misstated anything?Ó
ÒNope. Summed it up nicely.Ó
ÒThat
is how I feel about you.Ó He
shifted her so her face was closer to his.
ÒI desire you.Ó
ÒI
still say you could just be horny.Ó
ÒA
horrible term.Ó
ÒIt
goes back to Pan. Satyrs. Goats. And the fact that the penis looks like a
horn to some.Ó
ÒYou
are not making the term better.
Although it might make a fascinating discussion for some other time.Ó He began to unfasten her pants. ÒIf you wish me to desist, now would be
the time to tell me.Ó
ÒOtherwise?Ó
ÒOtherwise,
we are going to have sex.Ó
ÒBut
if I say no?Ó
ÒThen
we will not.Ó He held his hands
still. ÒWhat do you want?Ó
ÒWhat
IÕve always wanted. ÔCause IÕm a
big dope. You.Ó
ÒI
would argue that is wise choice, but then you would accuse me of being
egotistical.Ó
She
smiled.
ÒYou
could assist me with my pants.Ó He
gave her a pointed look.
She
got busy. Soon they were both
nicely naked, but only on the bottom.
ÒIn a hurry are we?Ó
ÒLook
at the chrono?Ó
She
did and bit back a swear word he didnÕt need to hear her say this early in the
morning. ÒWhy did you let me sleep
so late?Ó She started to get out of
bed.
ÒBecause
you were exhausted.Ó He pulled her
back in. ÒWe have time. But I will stop now if you do not want
our first time to be this way.Ó
She
studied him, felt the warmth of the covers, saw the drool spot on his shirt he
appeared to not give a ratÕs ass about, thought about how safe sheÕd felt when
she woke up.
She
touched his face. ÒI donÕt want to
stop.Ó
He
pushed her to her back, moved between her legs, pulling her hips up, his mouth
finding her, licking, kissing.
Then
fingers. She actually wasnÕt sure
how many. ÒSpock?Ó
ÒShhh, I will not hurt you.Ó He went back to the licking, the gentle
nibbling, the sucking, his fingers kneading her thighs so hard she knew sheÕd
have bruises.
She
came loudly and he moved up, watched her with what was clearly satisfaction as
she tried to figure out how to breathe again. Then he kissed her. Not the tender kisses of the night
before, passionate kisses this time.
Hard and almost rough—was there an element of payback in this?
But
he also whispered, ÒAre you all right?Ó
And he ran his fingers over where heÕd gripped her. ÒI held you too tightly.Ó
ÒI
have a regenerator.Ó
ÒYou
should not need one after being with me.Ó
ÒSpock,
shut up.Ó She wrapped her legs
around his waist and pulled him down, and then into her and—
Holy
f— She
suddenly understood why heÕd used so many fingers. Spock was a big boy.
ÒAm
I hurting you?Ó he asked gently, not moving.
She
shook her head, then pulled him down to her for a
kiss. This time he was tender,
moving slowly in time with his kisses, getting her used to him, and she made
nonsense sounds as he moved.
ÒI
enjoy your vocalizations during sex.Ó
ÒI
enjoy sex with you during my vocalizations.Ó She laughed softly, feeling just a
little giddy at the sensation of being quite so connected to him.
ÒI
look forward to watching you on top of me.
But I will save that for a day when you have not relieved me of command
of my own landing party.Ó
She
laughed again. ÒFeeling a little
primitive?Ó
He
nodded and began to move faster.
ÒDoes that perturb you?Ó
ÒIt
probably should. But since I may
end up with another orgasm out of it, I find myself strangely all right with
the idea.Ó
ÒYou
are astonishingly pragmatic. It is
an agreeable surprise.Ó He kissed
her again then let himself go, thrusting gradually harder until he was going
quite hard, making her gasp and cry out—in a good way. In the best goddamn
way.
She
did end up with another climax, just before he came, holding her tightly as if
she might try to escape just as he was coming. He called her name out as he finished—and
she wondered how many old-time fantasies came true with that finally happening.
ÒAre
you all right?Ó she asked him with a
grin.
ÒI
am quite fine.Ó He lifted his head
to look at her. ÒAnd I have no
inclination to flee now that my morning urge for sex has been alleviated. Temporarily.Ó
ÒTemporarily?Ó
ÒYes. I will wish to repeat this
experience. Many times.Ó He kissed her very gently. ÒOf all the probabilities for how my
evening and morning would progress, sleeping with you and then sex when we
awoke would not have been events I ranked as highly likely. You are...surprising, Christine.Ó
ÒSurprising
is good.Ó She could feel her eyes
starting to get heavy. Orgasms
always made her sleepy. Sleepy and thirsty.
ÒWhile
I would enjoy letting you fall back to sleep here, you must get up.Ó He urged her out of bed. ÒYou are needed.Ó
ÒMmmm, I know.Ó
She put her arms around him and nuzzled his neck. ÒIÕll let you know if I see anything in
the scans.Ó
ÒFeel free to come back and run more of them. Perhaps there are tests that require both
subject and medical officer to disrobe?Ó
She
laughed. ÒI actually donÕt think
there are. Sorry, darling.Ó She realized what sheÕd called him and
tensed.
He
didnÕt seem to mind. ÒYou are a
creative woman. Invent some.Ó
##
She
worked through dinner, met up with him afterwards. He had her in his arms before the door
to his quarters finished closing, took the padd she was carrying out of her
hands and put it on his nightstand and then undressed her slowly—taking
all the time they hadnÕt had in the morning and then some.
She
hadnÕt imagined how good it was.
Damn.
Afterwards,
as they lazed in bed, absently touching and kissing, she reached for the padd
sheÕd brought with her. ÒI need to
show you something.Ó
ÒNow?Ó He nuzzled her neck. ÒI am not finished. Would a human male be finished at this
point?Ó
ÒProbably.Ó She kissed him, then
pulled up the scans sheÕd run earlier in the day. ÒIÕve already run this by Len. He commended me on finding something
so...well, hard to find. But I was
extra motivated—seeing as how itÕs you, and I want you back on your feet,
professionally speaking. Back on
duty.Ó
ÒI
appreciate that.Ó He studied her
face. ÒYou do not look happy. What did you find?Ó
ÒItÕs
nothing bad for you. ItÕs good,
actually. See this little spot
here.Ó She magnified the area in
question, and he nodded. ÒIt
probably happened during the meld. Trauma of some sort.
We—I didnÕt catch it during the initial scans. But itÕs so small. ItÕs pressing on the area of the brain
that in Vulcans controls the psi skills.
Once I found it, I could correlate it to some readings that were off in
baseline scans.Ó
ÒAh.Ó
ÒIt
almost certainly explains what happened on the planet. YouÕve probably been reacting to other
things differently, but I had to pump you full of meds to get you on your feet
during the crisis. They would have
masked it. And later the enhanced
emotionalism would have done the same.
Once we fix it—and itÕs a simple operation—it wonÕt happen
again.Ó She smiled, but knew it was
not a very good smile. ÒLen has you
scheduled as soon as we deliver the injured to the medical facility. Then good as new.Ó
ÒYou
still do not look happy.Ó
ÒYou
said you were lonely. That was what
drew you to me, do you remember that?Ó
He
nodded.
ÒVÕger was lonely, too.
Your sudden lust—your overwhelming desire to get me in the
sack—itÕs entirely possible itÕs related to this.Ó
He
frowned. An
actual frown. ÒWould my lust
not be more generalized? Would I
not feel it for many women?Ó
ÒVÕgerÕs search was pretty specific. And I was the one who treated you right
after you came back. I was the one
of the first ones who touched you once you were out of your suit. One of the first voices you heard. And...I love
you—I was no doubt projecting that all over you, so you would have picked
up on that. VÕgerÕs
loneliness colliding with my love—IÕm not sure you were even part of the
mix, Spock.Ó She looked away. ÒI should have told you this before we
had sex. IÕm sorry.Ó
He
seemed lost in thought for a time.
Then he nodded. ÒWhat you
say is logical.Ó
ÒI
know. IÕm sorry. I was weak. But...in the long run, I wasnÕt. I found the problem and itÕs potentially
debatable how long it would have taken anyone else to find it—maybe no
one would have. I made a decision
to do the right thing. As a doctor—and as a person. The needs of the many
and all that. So will you
forgive me for not telling you before the sex?Ó
ÒWhen
is the operation?Ó
ÒTomorrow. Two hours after the transfer of the injured.Ó She met his eyes. ÒI should go.Ó
As
she started to get out of bed, he pulled her back to him.
ÒYou
believe I will no longer want you when I wake up from this operation?Ó
ÒThat
is what I believe, yes.Ó
ÒBut
I will remember what has transpired between us?Ó
ÒYes.Ó
ÒThen
I apologize now for how I will hurt you tomorrow if you are right.Ó
ÒThank
you.Ó Again, she tried to get out
of bed.
Again he held on.
ÒSpock,
please.Ó
ÒWe
only have tonight. Is that not
right?Ó He smoothed back her hair
with his other hand. ÒWill it make
it harder for you to stay with me?Ó
ÒYes. But that doesnÕt mean I donÕt want to
stay.Ó
ÒThen
stay. Stay while I still want you.Ó He
eased her back down, kissed her tenderly.
ÒI believe I could have loved you.Ó
ÒBut
itÕs not really you.Ó
ÒWe
shall see.Ó But he sounded as if he
knew she was right.
##
Chapel
tried not to hover as Spock lay in recovery. She worked in her office, catching up on
paperwork, then switched to working on research—finally managing to lose herself so that Len had to call her twice to tell her Spock
was waking up.
She
walked out to the biobed slowly, watched as Len
scanned him, keeping her face as expressionless as she could. But she smiled when Len told her,
ÒEverythingÕs back to normal,Ó since thatÕs what he expected her to do.
ÒHow
do you feel?Ó she asked Spock once Len had gone back to his office.
ÒAs
you suspected, I am...as I was.Ó
She
tried to push down the lump in her throat, tried to ignore the pain in the
general region of a broken heart—it wasnÕt like this was a surprise. ÒIf I have done anything to—Ó
ÒYour
behavior has been above reproach. If
I have done anyth—Ó
ÒLetÕs
just agree that weÕre both paragons of virtue and leave it at that.Ó She gave him the gamest smile she
could. ÒOkay. Well, now that we know youÕre going to
be fine, IÕm going to get out of here and let you rest.Ó She turned to go.
ÒWill
you be letting Jim know that I am soon to be restored to duty?Ó
ÒOnly
if heÕs at the bar.Ó She smiled
tightly.
ÒI
see.Ó
ÒIÕm
sure Len will let him know. HeÕs
the CMO.Ó
ÒYes,
but he, as far as I know, did not nearly have a relationship with our captain.Ó
ÒWell,
shows what you know.Ó She tried to
wink; the effect was probably ruined by the fact that she was trying not to
cry. ÒAnything else?Ó Any other awkward
questions that would confuse the hell out of her?
ÒA
padd. I do not sleep as much as a
human.Ó
She
went into her office, got an extra padd, and turned her terminal off while she
was at it.
ÒHere
you go.Ó
ÒThank
you for everything, Doctor.Ó
ÒSure.Ó She stared at him for a long moment, and
he didnÕt look away, then she fled.
When
she got to the rec lounge, Jim was at the bar.
She
sat down next to him, said, ÒYou can buy me that drink now. And Spock will be back on duty tomorrow
or the day after. Depends on how
long Len decides to drag out making him rest.Ó
ÒExcellent.Ó He glanced over at her. ÒYou okay?Ó
ÒIÕm
just super tired. And relieved, of
course.Ó She waved the bartender
over. ÒScotch, his kind.Ó
ÒOn
me,Ó Jim said, then he turned and seemed to really be
studying her. ÒChris, what is it?Ó
ÒNothing.Ó She took a deep breath as the bartender
put down her drink. She channeled
every ounce of strength she had and turned to Jim, holding up her glass, giving
him the best smile she had. ÒTo
having Spock back at his station.Ó
ÒHere
here.Ó He
clinked his glass gently against hers.
ÒYou can tell me anything, you know?Ó
ÒI
know that. IÕm just...IÕd rather
sit here and drink with you. Is
that okay?Ó
ÒAbsolutely. Not talking about it is the Jim Kirk
way.Ó He grinned at her and bumped
shoulders.
She laughed softly. ÒI love you.Ó
ÒI
know you do. I love you, too. Life would be a hell of a lot simpler if
you were in love with me.Ó
ÒAnd
you werenÕt married to this ship.Ó
ÒWell,
that too.Ó He laughed. ÒWeÕll be that couple. The friends that everyone speculates
about.Ó
She
shook her head. ÒLet them. Romance is overrated. And it never works out.Ó
ÒIÕm
sorry. Did something happen IÕm not
aware of?Ó
She
glared at him.
ÒShutting
up now and letting you drink.Ó He
sighed. ÒRomance is overrated. Sex on the other hand...Ó
ÒThatÕs
what I tried to tell you on Earth.
But no, you had to have more.Ó
She shook her head. ÒWeÕll
still be sitting here when weÕre eighty, Jim. Alone. Lonely.Ó
ÒGood
God, youÕre depressing tonight.Ó
ÒIÕm
sorry. At least I figured out what
was wrong with Spock. Science is so
much more dependable than emotion.Ó
ÒNow
who sounds like a Vulcan?Ó
She
nodded.
ÒIÕm
sure heÕll be appreciative.Ó
ÒUh
huh.Ó She tried not to think of the
previous night. Just how
appreciative Spock had been in bed.
She threw back her drink.
ÒIÕm gonna turn in before I depress both of
us. IÕll be fine tomorrow. I promise.Ó
ÒOkay. Thank you for figuring out what was
wrong with Spock.Ó
ÒNo
problem.Ó She gave his hand a quick
squeeze and left before she could bring the mood down any more.
She
tried to give herself a stern mental talking-to as she walked back to her
quarters. This was going to be
hard, but sheÕd get through it.
It
wasnÕt as if sheÕd ever really had Spock to begin with. She should enjoy the memories and be
happy that Spock wasnÕt angry with her over what happened.
She
could have a good cry tonight and that would be it. Tomorrow, life started again.
She
palmed open her door, saw that her comm
light was blinking. She had a
message from Spock in her queue.
She opened it, not sure what sheÕd find.
It
was one word. ÒCoffee?Ó
FIN