DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2004 by Djinn. This story is Rated PG-13.
What Might Have Been (Emotional Rescue Prelude)
by Djinn
Chapel sat back, tried not to
glare at Cartwright. He was
pontificating. Again. About the Klingons. The enduring threat of
same. She took a long drink of
her wine. Looked over at Jim and bit
back laughter. His expression was the
perfect mirror for how she felt.
He glanced at her. Grinned.
She rolled her eyes and he
motioned toward the bar, waiting a minute before walking away. A second later, she followed him. Cartwright didn't miss a beat.
She bumped up against Jim and
he looked over at her. She sighed,
loudly, dramatically. He grinned
again.
"The man is obsessed,
Jim."
"Yep." He drained his
scotch, reached over and pulled a bottle out from behind Cartwright's bar and
refilled his drink. "You do realize
your relationship with him has a shelf life?"
She made a disparaging sound,
a rough explosion of air through closed lips.
"Long since expired, sweetie."
He smiled. "You lasted longer than I thought."
"If you knew he was like
this, and that it wasn't going to last, why didn't you tell me to bail
out?"
He smiled. "I like having you around." He turned, looked over the crowd of people
sitting around Cartwright's living room.
Most of them were pretending
to be raptly engaged in the discussion.
Discussion meaning Cartwright rambled on and on and on while they faked
listening.
"I can see how I might
have been a breath of fresh air."
She leaned closer. "Who'd you roll your eyes at before I showed
up?"
His look became
shuttered. "Lori. For a while."
She looked down. "Sorry.
As a doctor, I should know better than to pick at scabs."
He shot her a look that was
full of something she didn't expect. Tenderness. "You
didn't do it on purpose. I know
that."
She could feel her own look
softening. "No. I didn't.
I wouldn't, not after Spo--" She took a quick drink of her wine.
"Let's go out to the
terrace. They won't even notice we're
gone."
She followed him out, felt
the warm night air surround her. He
touched her back, low, moving her away from the windows, out of view of the
rest. She sat down on a bench; he sat
down next to her.
"You never talk about
him." He smiled at her, but the
expression was forced, full of his own pain.
"Neither do you."
He shrugged. "Easier that way. I don't know why he left. It makes me crazy when I try to figure it
out." He leaned up against her, as
if he needed her warmth, the contact with a human to take away the sting from
being abandoned by a Vulcan. A Vulcan
he'd thought was his best friend.
"At least you were his
friend." It was a stupid thing to
say and she cringed.
He nodded. "Fat lot of good that
did me."
"He never wanted
me. I knew that, but I just couldn't
move on."
He moved his hand over, let
his fingers touch hers and she reached up, twining their fingers. His skin felt so good against
her own.
"You've moved on
now," he said. "That's what's
important. More than I've done. I can't seem to forget that my best friend left
without a word."
"Why should you forget
that?" She looked at him. "I wouldn't."
He nodded, took a drink of
his scotch. They sat in silence for a
while, looking out over the water.
"It's beautiful
here," he said.
"Yes. I stay for the view."
He laughed. "How much longer you
going to put up with Matthew?"
"How long are we going
to be out here?"
He looked at her, his
expression changing, becoming more the Admiral and less Jim. "Cartwright, blowhard that he is, is
going places. And he's known for keeping
people he knows he can trust close. That
means you, if you play your cards right."
"You know I'm going to
be on the
"But
not forever. When you come back, he might have an
assignment for you. Something
new, challenging. Good for you,
good for your career."
She shook her head. "Hardly seems a fair way to get it. Because I used to be his
lover?"
He let go of her hand. "You're missing the point. It'll be because you used to be that and then
moved on without undue anger or embarrassing him. Moved on to become a
friend. That's what will impress
him. Trust me. I know him."
She smiled. Knew he was right, but was so sick of
Cartwright that she just wanted to pour her drink over his head and call it a
night. "So how do I break up with
him, oh wise one?"
He smiled. "Tell him that it'll be too hard with
you on the
She laughed. That was certainly true. "And he'll just let me go?"
He nodded.
"Wow. I feel special."
Jim looked over at her. "I didn't say he was smart."
She smiled, wasn't sure why
she said, "Would you let me go?"
Their eyes caught and
held. Chapel forgot how to breathe, his
stare was so intense. "No."
She swallowed. Hard. She thought for a moment that he was going to
kiss her but he looked away, out over the water.
She finally remembered to
inhale.
"I'm glad I dated him
though," she said softly.
"Why's
that?" he asked, not turning to look at her.
She touched his back, rubbing
it gently. "I wouldn't have gotten
to know you otherwise."
He leaned back against her
hand. "That's a nice thing to
say."
"It's just the
truth."
He turned to look at
her. His expression was sad, as if he
didn't quite believe her.
"Don't. Don't look like that." She leaned in, her hand pressed against his
back. She moved it up, rubbing his neck,
at the hairline, where it felt good to be touched. "I hate it when you look that sad."
He looked down. But he didn't move away from her hand.
"I wish..." She looked away.
"What?"
"I wish that you'd let
me try to make you happy. Try to make
that sadness go away." She looked over
at him, knew that her face was bright red.
She was not usually so direct, so forward. She did not usually proposition her former
CO. But she was going to now. "Let me try?"
He exhaled,
a ragged sound. "Right
here?"
She laughed, and the tension
between them eased a bit. "Well,
that would be sort of tacky."
He grinned, almost his old
expression. "Yes, I guess it
would." He pulled away from her, a
bit reluctantly she thought. "I
think I'm going to go home."
"I haven't slept with
him in a while." It was an odd
thing to blurt out. But she suddenly
wanted him to know.
"I'm sorry for
him," he said with an easy smile.
She laughed softly. "I'll be on the ship the next few days. Pre-launch stuff."
He nodded. "I know.
I keep track of how she's coming along."
She nodded. "I'll have some time, at the end. If you want to get
together?"
"You
going to ease my sadness?"
"I'd like to try."
"But then you'd be
gone. And I'd be even sadder."
She felt something catch in
her throat. This man was so sweet. "Jim--"
He held his fingers up to her
lips, stopping her words. "I think
it's better if we don't." He shook
his head. "I never noticed you on
the ship. I was a fool."
She leaned against him. "You wouldn't have. Not on the ship. Never on the ship." She laughed.
"Married to the ship."
He nodded. "She's a jealous mistress. Odd to think you'll be with her now and I
won't."
"You could stow
away." She smiled.
He laughed. "Only as
Captain." He looked
down. "And then I'd be right back
where I was."
They said it together. "Married to the ship."
They both laughed.
"I'll miss you,
Christine."
She nodded, blinked
hard. "I'll miss you too,
Jim." She looked over at the
house. No one could see them. She leaned
in and kissed him.
His hand came up, touching
her hair. They kissed for a very long
moment.
Then he pulled away, stood up
quickly. "I'm going to go. Before I do something very
stupid."
She nodded.
"Godspeed, Doctor
Chapel." He said her new title
lovingly, with respect and admiration.
"Thank you,
Captain." She used the title she
knew he loved best. "Try to find
some happiness."
"I will." He smiled at her. "I'm happy just knowing you're my
friend."
"I'll always be
that."
He nodded. Then he turned and walked quickly away.
She sat out a long time
before she went to join Cartwright for the last time.
FIN