DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the
property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The
story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c)
2013 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.
For the First Time in My Life, I Was Happy
by
Djinn
Chapel
walked down the corridor to JimÕs quarters; heÕd been ruthlessly quick in
making Decker vacate them, even if only for a temporary assumption of command. Now they were permanently his with
Decker dead and Jim the hero of the quadrant.
Dumb
luck. Right place at the right
time. Those were the things he
would say to anyone who congratulated him.
But
she knew better.
SheÕd
known all along he wasnÕt going to give his ship up if they survived VÕger. SheÕd
felt bad for Will, for the choices heÕd made—that maybe Jim had tipped
him over into making. But she was
happy, too.
She
and Jim had been involved on Earth.
SheÕd seen first-hand what unhappiness looked like on her captain, on
her lover. It was not something
sheÕd recommend to the faint of heart.
Although theyÕd made it work.
Possibly because she was so stressed over med school and then training
to be CMO, that sheÕd refused to take any of his shit. Had given as good as sheÕd got.
To
say theyÕd been volatile would be an understatement.
But
they could be tender, too.
Sometimes she thought he was the only one who understood her. Everything about her. And didnÕt judge. Her affair with Roger while he was still
her teacher. Her need to be first
in her class no matter the personal cost.
Her fondness for working stress off in the most physical—and
horizontal—way possible.
His
touch had kept her centered. She
thought hers had kept him sane when he hit rock bottom.
But
sheÕd been slated to leave. And he
was going to have to stay on Earth.
At a job he hated.
TheyÕd
had a big goodbye dinner planned when Command had scrambled everyone they could,
to get the ship out to stop VÕger.
She
was glad theyÕd missed the dinner now.
She didnÕt have to say goodbye.
This could be a congratulations dinner. For Jim getting his ship back. For her being a doctor and still being
on the senior staff, even with the demotion.
She
could think of some things sheÕd like to do before dinner, though. Jim had been so busy since VÕger disappeared sheÕd barely seen him in the corridors,
much less spent any time with him.
She missed him, missed the almost violent way theyÕd come together some
nights. Missed the kisses
afterwards, sweet and tender, as if in apology for how hard they could be on
each other when they needed to work shit out.
He
wanted to see her now, finally, when they had all the time in the world.
She
rang for admission, heard him say ÒCome,Ó and the door opened. She walked in as slinkily
as she could, smiled with what she hoped was a seductive grin. ÒMiss me, Captain?Ó
He
seemed to be drinking her in, but then his expression changed.
She
decided to ignore the warning sign—sheÕd done it successfully on Earth
for the last year. ÒRemember that goodbye
dinner we had to shit-can? Well,
letÕs do a congratulations dinner instead.Ó She moved closer, put her arms around
his neck, and rubbed up against him the way he always liked. ÒBut before we go, letÕs stay in for a
little bit. IÕve missed you.Ó
She
realized he was standing very stiffly, that he had not put his arms around
her. That he was, in fact, easing
her away from him.
ÒJim?Ó
ÒI
canÕt, Chris.Ó
ÒYou
canÕt what? Have dinner
tonight? We can do it some other
day if youÕre tired. WeÕll just stay
in. Reconnect. Sleep—I hate sleeping alone after
spending so much time with you on Earth.Ó
She looked at him through her lashes. ÒSo many beds, so many fun places to
explore.Ó
He
turned and walked to his viewscreen, his back to her
as he said, ÒI canÕt be with you. YouÕre a member of my crew.Ó
She
realized he was drinking in the view he thought he had to trade her for. ÒThatÕs idiotic. IÕm in Medical.Ó
ÒStill
crew.Ó
ÒI
can relieve you if I think youÕre cognitively impaired. How about now?Ó
He
spun, and she took a step back, shocked at the anger on his face. ÒDo not joke about that responsibility
and privilege. Do not ever use that
against me, do you understand?Ó
She
felt off balance and hurt. ÒJim, I
didnÕt mean anything by it. IÕm
sorry.Ó
ÒGood. Then you wonÕt forget to be careful in
the future.Ó He took a deep
breath. ÒI care for you, Chris. But this—we—wonÕt work on
the ship. You were friends with
Jan, and I know she shared things with you. You know how this works.Ó
ÒNo. What I know is how fucking stupid it is—you
are.Ó She crossed her arms over her
chest. ÒSo everything we did, all
the fun we had, doesnÕt matter?Ó
ÒThatÕs
right.Ó
ÒDid
you love me?Ó
ÒPlease,
just go.Ó
ÒAnswer
me. Did you love me?Ó
He
looked at her with the most helpless expression sheÕd ever seen on his face.
ÒYouÕre
an idiot,Ó she said, then turned on her heel and rushed out.
She
got to the door of her quarters just as Spock was coming off the lift.
He
studied her, then asked softly, ÒAre you all right?Ó
ÒYes.
Know of any ships in need of a
medical officer?Ó
ÒAre
you considering leaving?Ó
She
shrugged. ÒNot like you would
care.Ó
ÒWhat
if I told you I would? That...it
was good to see you, to feel your touch again in sickbay.Ó
ÒAre
you telling me that?Ó She wanted to
hit him. Now—he was going to
tell her this now?
ÒI
am.Ó
ÒGreat.Ó She leaned back against the wall and
closed her eyes. ÒSpock, when you
went to Gol, did you know it was the right thing to
do?Ó
ÒAre
you considering Gol? Because that did not turn out to be the
panacea I had hoped.Ó
She
heard a note of humor in his voice, opened her eyes, and laughed softly. ÒNo, IÕm not considering Gol.Ó
ÒThen
consider me.Ó He was looking at her
very intently, like she should consider him right this minute, preferably with
no clothes on.
ÒWhat
youÕre feeling is because of the meld with VÕger.Ó
ÒWhat
I am feeling was undoubtedly amplified by the meld with VÕger. But my interest in you is not new.Ó
ÒInterest.Ó She sighed. ÒSo romantic—oh, wait. ItÕs not.Ó
ÒFeelings,
then. Christine, do not transfer
off the ship. I would like to
explore this interest, and you used to have strong feelings for me.Ó
ÒIÕm
tired, Spock.Ó
ÒThen
go to sleep. But perhaps you would
join me for dinner sometime this week?Ó
She
studied him, could see no evidence of uncertainty in his expression. ÒFine. Sure. ThatÕll be great. Let me know what day.Ó She gave him what she hoped was a game
smile and slipped into her quarters.
She
cried her eyes out as soon as she was sure he was gone.
Damn
Jim and his stupid goddamn rule.
##
Kirk
made a move, not lifting his hand from the chess piece until he was sure it was
a good one. He looked over at
Spock, realized his friendÕs attention was not on the board, but over where
Chris was sitting with Uhura and Sulu.
ÒTick
tick tick.Ó
Spock
looked up, seemed surprised to be caught.
ÒI apologize.Ó
ÒSomething
over there you like?Ó Please God,
let it be Uhura. Or Sulu—thatÕd
be fine, too.
ÒI
believe there are opportunities to revisit past decisions.Ó
Crap. That didnÕt sound like Uhura or
Sulu—unless Kirk had really missed some stuff. ÒOh yeah?Ó
Spock
nodded and went back to the chessboard.
ÒChristine,
you mean?Ó
ÒYes.Ó His brows knit down as he studied the
board. ÒA most interesting move. Not one you would have made in the
past.Ó
ÒI
played a lot against the computer while you were at Gol
and I was in a hell of my own making.Ó
Before he ran into Chris.
Before he was happy again with Chris.
ÒA
most intriguing strategy.Ó Spock
studied the board some more, clearly puzzled at this new side to KirkÕs play.
Kirk
looked over at Chris. She seemed to
feel his gaze on her, looked up, and gave him a sad half smile then went back
to whatever she was doing with the other two.
Spock
was watching him, his expression untroubled. ÒHer achievements are impressive.Ó He finally moved a piece to counter
KirkÕs advance.
ÒSheÕs
a smart one.Ó He wanted to look
back at her, wanted to abandon this game and go get her, keep her away from a
now-interested Spock. Why the hell
did Spock have to pick now to be interested in her?
But
Kirk didnÕt get up and go to her.
He let her be and moved his chess piece. It was a stupid move; Spock didnÕt seem
to notice—probably thought it, too, was part of his new chess strategy.
##
Spock
sat with Christine in the mess, analyzing the changes in her since heÕd
interacted with her as a nurse. Her
new rank and role on the ship were obvious, less so the physical changes. She had darkened her hair before she
left the ship to go to medical school, but now it was even darker, and skimmed
back in a style quite at odds with her previous intricate hairstyles. Her makeup was subdued. Her manner much more assured.
He
approved of the change in her.
Found her still desirable—perhaps more so with the new sense of
confidence he got from her.
Although
she had been upset the night he had asked her to dinner. He presumed it had been about her
demotion. She had been coming from
the direction of JimÕs quarters—had his friend been telling her the
demotion was permanent?
ÒDo
I have something on my face?Ó she asked with a small smile. ÒYouÕre staring.Ó
ÒYou
were quite upset the other night.Ó
ÒIÕd
rather not talk about it. Some
things you just canÕt fight.Ó
Ah. It must have been the demotion,
then. ÒBut you accept it?Ó
She
met his eyes; her expression was the one his mother often wore when the answer
she would give was something heÕd never understand. Finally, she shrugged.
ÒPerhaps
I should change the subject?Ó
ÒOfficer
thinking.Ó She stabbed at her
food. ÒWhat makes you believe this
emotional side of you is going to last?Ó
ÒI
am already much less given to emotional outbursts than directly after the
meld—to my great relief. My
interest in you, however, has not decreased.Ó
ÒDid
you ever want me before? When we
were on the ship and I was chasing you?Ó
ÒI
did. Initially you and I were both
promised to other people.Ó
ÒBut
after? You had no damn excuse,
buster, other than you didnÕt really want me that much.Ó
He
had to concede that. ÒI was
torn. I was already questioning how
much I had allowed myself to embrace emotions. My road to Gol
started long before I appealed for admission to the discipline.Ó
ÒI
would have been a step toward humanity?Ó
He
nodded.
ÒAnd
now you donÕt care? Now a human is
acceptable?Ó
He
tried to make his eyes as gentle as he could. ÒNow, a human is more than acceptable.Ó
She
smiled and finally seemed to relax.
ÒI was involved with someone, Spock. On Earth. It did not end well.Ó
ÒHow
could it? You were leaving on a
long mission, were you not?Ó He
could not read her smile, did not understand why it took her so long to answer.
ÒI
was, indeed.Ó She swallowed
hard. ÒSo, can you help me forget
him?Ó
ÒDid
you love him?Ó
She
nodded tightly.
ÒYou
once loved me.Ó She had told him
that when under the influence of a virus.
Had shown him, though, in other ways on occasions when she was not
emotionally compromised.
ÒI
thought so, yes.Ó
ÒSo
this man you were with—did you love him more than you once loved me?Ó
ÒI
donÕt know you. Not really.Ó
ÒThen
we must remedy that.Ó He let his
lips turn up just enough so sheÕd know it was a gentle smile he was giving
her. ÒAt once.Ó
##
Leila
Kalomi was working on an experiment that seemed only
slightly more promising than the last six sheÕd started. Was she getting tired of this project
already? Since sheÕd decided not to
join Sandoval when he started over on a new planet, sheÕd been in four
different positions. All
interesting. All good for her
career.
But
each one had left her less happy.
Lonely, even. There were men
who were interested in her, but then there always were. SheÕd grown used to that as a teen, when
long blond hair and blue eyes and a good figure stopped boys in their
tracks. None of the men mattered. Not when sheÕd had Spock and then lost
him.
SheÕd
kept track of his progress over the years, even if sheÕd stayed away from any
personal interaction. HeÕd made his
choice. The ship and Kirk. Not her.
And
then heÕd left Starfleet. SheÕd had
to really dig to find out where heÕd gone.
Some place where emotions were purged. Had she been purged?
And now he was back in Starfleet.
Had he forgotten all about her as he got rid of those things that made
him human? Or had he abandoned that
place—Gol, she thought it was called—because
he couldnÕt give up his emotions?
And
had she been part of what he couldnÕt abandon?
Why
couldnÕt she give up on him? All
these years with no word from him, no hint of encouragement. Why did she still feel that somewhere,
deep in the heart he would probably say he did not have, that he loved her?
ÒDid
you see this?Ó Keri, her best
friend on Saldisius, pushed a padd at her. ÒIs this why you signed up for the pilot
program to put non-Starfleet experts onto starships?Ó
ÒWhat?Ó Leila took the padd and read it. There were science officer billets open
on the Enterprise. There were never open billets on that ship. She looked up at Keri. ÒNo, itÕs not. Openings? On this ship?Ó
ÒFrom
what I understand from my friends in Starfleet, people are jumping ship or
being moved. Maybe they donÕt like
the odds of surviving under KirkÕs command.Ó
She
found herself in the odd position of defending the man she often considered the
destroyer of her happiness. ÒHe
saved us all from VÕger.Ó
ÒUh
huh. He saved the quadrant and his
ship, but not without some cost.
DidnÕt the guy who was supposed to be captain die? I read something about that. Anyway, itÕs not Kirk youÕre interested
in, is it?Ó
Leila
could feel herself blushing. SheÕd
told Keri a lot about Spock.
Probably had gone on a little too much.
ÒApply,
Leila. Look, thereÕs one for a
botanist. YouÕll never know until
you do. What if this is meant to
be?Ó
Leila
began to smile. ÒMeant to be. That sounds good.Ó
ÒOf
course it does. Go to him.Ó
Leila
stood up and hugged her friend. Keri
was a hopeless romantic, and Leila loved her for it.
##
Chapel
walked with Spock back to their quarters after another dinner. SheÕd managed to not look over to where
Jim was sitting with Len, had made herself give all her attention to Spock.
They
got to her quarters first. ÒWell,
this is my stop.Ó She met his eyes,
saw that he looked a little conflicted.
She moved closer. ÒWeÕve had
three dates. Do you know what that
means?Ó
ÒI
have enjoyed myself three times in your company?Ó
She
laughed. ÒAs have I. But no, thatÕs not what I mean.Ó She watched his face, unsure if he was
looking at her so strangely because he wanted to get away from her or because
he was horny. She decided to assume
it was the latter. ÒIt means we can
have sex. WeÕve done our due
diligence and all that.Ó
A
ridiculous rule, in her opinion.
Who was to say what the right number of dates was? With Roger, after flirting so long as
his student, sheÕd gone to bed with him the night of their first real
date. With Jim, sheÕd enjoyed two
weeks of lunches and dinners and nights in bars across the planet before she
decided he really was interested in her,
not just any woman who would be his sex partner.
Neither
of them had worked out in the long run: clearly, the amount of time you waited
wasnÕt key.
ÒI
would like to have sex.Ó He said it
so earnestly it made her smile.
ÒWould
you like to have it in my quarters or yours?Ó
ÒMine,Ó
he said without hesitation.
ÒOkay,
but hereÕs a little tip. If you go
the womanÕs quarters, then you can get the hell out of there if it doesnÕt work
out. Your quarters? Well, youÕre stuck until I decide to
leave.Ó
ÒDo
you anticipate this not working out?Ó
She
laughed softly. ÒNo. IÕm just giving you some free advice.Ó
ÒMy
quarters, then.Ó He took her elbow
long enough to turn her down the corridor, to his quarters, where he palmed
them in. Once the doors closed, he
ran his finger down her cheek. ÒI
have desired you for some time.Ó
ÒSince
your Pon Farr.
Protesting against our natures and all that?Ó
He
nodded.
ÒI
could have been in real trouble that day, couldnÕt I? If I hadnÕt said the magic words: that
we were heading to Vulcan. To
her.Ó SheÕd thought TÕPring was
sure to be her worse nightmare.
SpockÕs betrothed. The woman
who held his heart, or so sheÕd imagined.
But she hadnÕt.
It
had been someone else who had. She
saw again LeilaÕs long blonde hair and willowy figure. Too much of that figure. She and Spock had been naked, making
love, under a tree. So fucking
pastoral.
But
it had been the spores that had brought them together—thatÕs what Chapel
had always told herself. Because Spock
had let Leila go once he was free.
He didnÕt love her.
And
he was here now. Telling Chapel he
wanted her. He could have had
anyone, but heÕd asked her to dinner that night Jim had broken her heart. Was the timing a kick in the pants from
the cosmos? Because she probably
had needed one.
She
reached for Spock, pulled him down for a long, tender kiss. Their kiss didnÕt stay tender for
long. Spock really wanted her, and
he made short work of their clothes, had her on his bed, kissing up and down
her body, stopping wherever it felt especially good, until she was ready for
him.
Then...there. They were together. She closed her eyes, then made herself
open them. Brown eyes, not
hazel. Black hair, not brown. ÒI love you,Ó she said, but she didnÕt
know who she was saying it to: the man who was inside her or the man who
wasnÕt.
##
Kirk
watched from the corner of the mess as Spock and Chris came in together. Again. This was the third time heÕd seen them
together this week.
Spock looked over, nodded to Kirk, and leaned in to say something to
Chris. She looked KirkÕs way, her
expression one of stone, stone that turned to a smile as she looked back at
Spock and pointed to a booth on the opposite side of the mess.
ÒGuess
eating together is out,Ó Kirk muttered as he tucked into his dinner. He watched as Chris leaned in, laughing
softly at something Spock said.
Damn
it all. Why did she have to go to
his best friend? Or had Spock gone
to her? HeÕd been awfully open
after the meld with VÕger.
He
should not care about this. He had
let Chris go. He knew he couldnÕt
have her.
But
why could Spock, if that was the case?
Because he was even more in her chain of command than Kirk was.
He
finished his dinner, took the tray to the recycler, and walked over to their
booth. He worked hard to keep his
smile a real one, but focused on Spock, after giving her a nod. ÒChess tonight?Ó
He
saw Chris stiffen out of the corner of his eye. He ignored it.
ÒYes,
Jim. That would be pleasant.Ó
ÒWonderful.Ó He turned to her. ÒYou can watch. If you want to.Ó
ÒIÕd
rather watch paint dry.Ó
ÒI
could arrange that. ScottyÕs doing
some repairs on the bulkheads in auxiliary engineering. ThereÕs probably paint involved.Ó He gave her the smile he knew she hated,
the fake one, too broad, too contemptuous at the same time.
Her
face was like stone again. ÒIÕm
sure I can make my own fun.Ó
ÒIÕm
sure you can.Ó
Spock
seemed to be watching the two of them with some bemusement. Kirk was surprised. Had they not melded? Had she not told Spock sheÕd been
involved with him?
Interesting.
ÒI
will see you in an hour, Jim.Ó
SpockÕs voice was gentle—his peacemaking voice.
ÒSounds
good. Enjoy your dinner.Ó He turned and walked out.
Petty. He was being so petty. On the other hand, he did miss their
chess games. If he could disrupt
ChrisÕs time with Spock and get a chess game in the process, then that was just
a double win in his book.
##
Spock
lay in bed, listening to the soft sound of Christine breathing. He had rushed into this relationship
with her. He had rushed in without
first finding out what was between her and his best friend.
It
bothered him immensely that neither Jim nor Christine had told him the
truth. That theyÕd clearly been
involved. HeÕd never seen them act
the way they had at dinner tonight.
So...nasty to each other. And
yet there was something in their eyes when they looked at the other, when they
thought he wasnÕt paying attention.
How
stupid did they think he was?
And
Christine had told him sheÕd been involved with someone on Earth, someone she
loved. She just had conveniently
left out that the man she loved was their captain and his best friend.
Was she using him to get back at Jim?
Or to find some kind of solace that had nothing to do with Spock? Would any man have done?
He
probably should have been more careful, but he had been enjoying getting to
know her, had not questioned how quickly sheÕd gotten them from his invitation
to dinner into bed. SheÕd loved him
for a long time—heÕd assumed it was normal for her to not want to wait to
have sex. Human women were
impulsive creatures; his father was always saying that.
And
Spock himself had been impulsive, too overcome with the emotions VÕger had shaken loose in him to argue. HeÕd wanted her. SheÕd wanted him. TheyÕd done something about it.
But
had it been a mistake? Because she
was still in love with Jim, and Spock thought it likely Jim was in love with
her.
He
eased out of bed, went to his desk, and began to go through his message
queues. He had nothing in the
personal one other than a note from his mother catching him up on the various
activities of his father and her.
He
moved to his work queue.
Applications were coming in for the science postings currently
open. He began to read through them,
making comments for Jim, recommendations for a candidate or against. They would discuss them all once the
application deadline was reached in a few days. Jim was generally swayed heavily by
SpockÕs recommendations, especially when it came to staffing the science
departments.
Spock
opened the next application. He sat
very still as he read the name on it.
Doctor
Leila Kalomi.
He
read through her qualifications.
She had left SandovalÕs project, worked on four very interesting
programs since Spock had last seen her.
He
sent it on to Jim, no recommendation this time, only a note saying, ÒI must
recuse myself from this decision.
However, her qualifications are impressive.Ó
He
turned off his terminal and got back into bed. Christine mumbled something in her sleep
that sounded like ÒJim,Ó and then was quiet.
He
tried not to see LeilaÕs face, tried not to imagine how the years would have
changed her. Tried not to remember
what it had felt like to hold her, to kiss her.
He
tried and failed.
##
Kirk
was in his seat on the bridge, working through the list of recommendations
Spock had sent him for the soon-to-be vacant science positions. He got to KalomiÕs
and stopped, reading SpockÕs note with surprise.
Spock
had recused himself?
Kirk
could feel a small smile growing and tried to bite it back. It was the smile he always got when he
had an idea for how to get his way.
The smile was, to be honest, a bit of a tell, and heÕd worked hard to
hide it while he was in the admiralty.
Chris
had told him once it was a smile of contempt, the way one side of his mouth
went up more than the other. He
wasnÕt sure contempt was really the right emotion. Glee, perhaps? Anticipation of watching a plan come
together or his well-articulated bullshit sway an opponent? He loved using his brains—he didnÕt
always fuck or fight his way out of a bad situation, despite what his peers
thought.
He
knew the rumors. He hated the
rumors. But he wasnÕt above using
them when he needed to.
ÒSpock?Ó
Spock
left the science officer station and walked to the chair. His eyebrow went up as Kirk held up the
padd so he could see what he was reading.
ÒAh. Yes.Ó
ÒIÕm
afraid I canÕt let you recuse yourself entirely,Ó he said softly. ÒWhat do you think?Ó
ÒShe
is extremely qualified. Her
expertise and experience is well above the other botanists. She would, however, be on as a private
contractor.Ó
ÒWhich
Starfleet is experimenting with or she wouldnÕt have had access to the billet
notices. Clearly she signed up to
be part of the pilot program.Ó Kirk
pursed his lips as if he really had to think hard about this. ÒHave you talked to her? ItÕs quite a different thing to be on a
ship long term than a planet.Ó
ÒIndeed. And no, I have not talked to her.Ó Spock met his eyes. ÒMy relationship with her is...Ó
ÒComplicated?Ó Kirk tried for his most sympathetic
smile. ÒBelieve me, I understand
that.Ó
ÒYes,
I imagine you do.Ó There was
something in SpockÕs voice that made Kirk look up at him in surprise. ÒChristine comes to mind.Ó
Kirk
took a quick look around the bridge.
No one seemed to be paying attention to them, but that didnÕt mean they
werenÕt. He didnÕt hire idiots who
would be dumb enough to turn around when they were eavesdropping. ÒLetÕs table that discussion, okay?Ó
ÒAs
you wish.Ó
ÒWell,
weÕll wait until we see what else comes in. I trust youÕll tell me if a more
qualified candidate manifests?Ó
ÒOf
course.Ó Spock sounded offended.
Good. Get him off balance so he wouldnÕt see
what Kirk was doing.
Kalomi might be just what the doctor—only, not
Bones, of course—ordered. And
Kirk would be able to determine just how serious his friend was about Chris
once Kalomi was on board. He very much doubted that a more
qualified candidate would be presented to him even if he or she appeared.
HeÕd
seen Spock with Kalomi, during and after the
spores. HeÕd never seen Spock look
the same way with Chris. Never seen
that sense of loss, of hunger.
Kirk
felt it, though. Every time he saw
Chris and Spock together.
Spock
would get his true love back, and Jim would get Chris, who might, of course, kill
him for this little stunt.
He
smiled. Knew it was that smile. The one that said, ÒHere we go,
then.Ó
Anything
worth having was worth a little risk.
##
ÒComm for you, Leila.Ó
Doctor Mandalore waved her into his
office. ÒTake it in here if you
want.Ó
She
got up and walked into his office, smiling at him as he closed the door. He was always so gallant. She knew it was because he wanted her,
but she had a feeling he might still be gallant even if he didnÕt.
She
sat down at his desk, was surprised to see Kirk on the other end of the
comm. ÒCaptain Kirk.Ó
ÒDoctor
Kalomi. I
trust you are well. Spore
free?Ó There was a definite tone of
mockery in his voice. She didnÕt
really understand why Spock felt so strongly for this man.
ÒI
am, sir.Ó
He
looked surprised, probably at her use of the word Òsir.Ó ÒYouÕre not on my ship yet, Doctor.Ó
ÒI
realize that, Captain. Yet here you
are calling me. However, IÕm
surprised itÕs you. I expected
Mister Spock to be part of the selection process—he is science officer,
isnÕt he?Ó
ÒHe
is, but IÕm afraid youÕre stuck with me.Ó
He seemed to be studying her, and she sat up straighter. ÒIÕll be frank, Doctor. You put my entire ship at risk. Explain to me why IÕd want you on my
ship.Ó
ÒYou
were under the influence of the spores for a short time, Captain. You know how hard they were to fight.Ó
ÒThey
had to hit me twice to get me under their influence. And I got free rather quickly. So, no, I really donÕt know how hard they
were to fight.Ó
She
sighed. ÒLook, if youÕve already
decided against me, just tell me that and let me get back to my work here.Ó
ÒThatÕs
the funny thing. I havenÕt decided
that.Ó He gave her a half smile,
one side of his mouth going up. ÒIs
there any reason you want to be on my ship other than Spock?Ó
She
was surprised heÕd put it so baldly.
ÒYes, sir. My experiments
here have been extremely fruitful.
But IÕm...well, bored, I guess.
IÕm ready to move on and IÕve never served on a ship, obviously. But the idea of new places, new species
of plants to catalog and study—itÕs more than appealing to me. It sounds like heaven. Since I once lived in paradise, I think
youÕll understand that I know what IÕm talking about.Ó She gave him the wryest smile she was
capable of. She didnÕt want to fold
in front of this man, but she knew a mea culpa was in order.
He
smiled. This time a real
smile. ÒAnd what if I told you that
Mister Spock was transferring off the ship? Would you still want to come?Ó
ÒI
would, of course, miss seeing him.
As you know, IÕm very fond of him.
But yes, IÕd still want to come.
I put my name into the program because I wanted new experiences, not
because I wanted to gain an old lover from it. And what were the odds that the Enterprise would even have billets
open? But if IÕm going to do this,
why not on the best ship, under the best captain?Ó
ÒNext
time you can stop with the best ship.
That IÕll buy.Ó His smile
was wry, like he knew she was aware sheÕd oversold the best captain part. ÒAll right, Doctor. WeÕll pick you up at Starbase Eighteen
in two weeks. Can you be ready by
then?Ó
ÒI
can. I told my supervisor I was
putting in for the program. IÕve
been finishing up quite a few of my projects here. I wonÕt be leaving anyone in
the lurch.Ó
ÒExcellent. Welcome to my crew—so to
speak. WeÕll have to work out how a
civilian fits into the hierarchy here.
IÕm sure youÕll have no trouble assimilating.Ó
She
thought that was a dig at her and the spores, but she forced herself not to
react, instead gave him a luminous smile.
ÒIÕm very pleased to be selected.Ó
ÒIÕll
tell Spock. IÕm sure heÕll be
pleased youÕre coming on board.Ó
ÒSo
he is not transferring off?Ó
ÒNo. The woman heÕs seeing might be upset if
he did.Ó He smiled—an
expression so innocent it had to be fake.
ÒI
see. And I understand. I will be the consummate professional.Ó
ÒWell,
thatÕs great. Travel light,
Doctor. Our quarters donÕt hold
much in the way of personal items.Ó
ÒI
always travel light, Captain. I
find possessions are more a burden than a pleasure.Ó
ÒHow
very Spartan of you. Kirk
out.Ó The screen went black.
She
took a deep breath. She was going
to be serving with Spock. After all
these years.
But
he was with someone. She took
another deep breath, got up, and walked out to her station.
Keri came over, leaned in, and said, ÒWell?Ó
ÒWell,
IÕll be going.Ó
Keri
beamed and squeezed her shoulder, then went back to her station and left Leila
in her half-happy, half-nervous daze.
Kirk
didnÕt like her. That had been
obvious during the short voyage when heÕd ferried her and the other colonists
from Omicron Ceti III to Starbase Twenty Seven. And it was evident now, as well. So why was he letting her come aboard?
##
Chapel
was lazing in bed with Spock when his comm terminal
went off.
ÒKirk
to Spock.Ó
ÒSpock
here.Ó
ÒJust
wanted to let you know IÕve contacted Doctor Kalomi
and informed her of her selection.
WeÕll be picking her up in two weeks on Starbase Eighteen.Ó
Chapel
felt her good mood evaporating, stared pointedly at Spock and gave him a ÒWhat
the fuck?Ó look that he ignored by turning his back to her.
ÒYes,
sir. Understood.Ó
Was
that his code that she was in his room?
Sirring Jim?
ÒWonderful. I know you recused yourself from her
selection, but youÕll have to bring her up to speed on how a ship works. IÕm not totally on board with this
civilians on a ship concept, but if it makes Nogura happy, then what the
hell. Anything to keep the ship.Ó
ÒUnderstood,
sir.Ó This time the ÒsirÓ was even
more pointed.
ÒGreat. IÕll let you get back to
your evening. Kirk out.Ó Jim was clearly not hearing SpockÕs
discomfort—or maybe he was.
Maybe he knew exactly what he was doing?
Chapel
lay back and stared angrily at the ceiling.
ÒChristine,
I can explain.Ó
ÒThe
mere fact that you have to start the conversation with those words says you
should have explained it long before now.Ó She pulled the covers over her; nakedness
suddenly translated to vulnerability.
ÒLeila Kalomi is going to be working on this
ship? We donÕt have any decent
fleet botanists?Ó
ÒNone
that applied. She was the best
choice.Ó He leaned in, stroked her
hair back. ÒI recused myself from
the decision process.Ó
ÒYeah,
I heard that part. But you get to handle
her orientation. Joy.Ó She rolled to her side away from
him. ÒJust break up with me
quickly, okay? ItÕs been fun,
Christine, but youÕre really not for me blah blah blah.Ó
ÒI
have no regrets, Christine.Ó He gently
rolled her to her back. ÒI am not
seeking to end our relationship.Ó
She
studied his face. Something was
off. He might not be seeking it
now, but what about once heÕd spent time with Leila? Time Jim had ordered him to spend with
her. ÒGod damn him.Ó
ÒHim?Ó SpockÕs voice was disapproving. ÒAre you perhaps referring to Jim? When did you plan to tell me that he was
the one you were seeing on Earth?Ó
Oh
shit. ÒDid he say something?Ó
ÒHe
did not have to. Neither of you are
particularly subtle.Ó
She
closed her eyes. ÒItÕs not what you
think.Ó
ÒIs
it not? You were in love with
him. You had to leave him on
Earth. Then he got the ship
back. That night you were upset,
when I first asked you to dinner—he had just ended your relationship,
hadnÕt he? I am quite familiar with
his rule about not sleeping with crew.Ó
She
let out a slow breath, finally nodded.
ÒWhy
could you not trust me with that, Christine? Why couldnÕt he?Ó
ÒItÕs
over. What difference does it
make? Now he just wants to make me
hurt.Ó She pushed him away from
her. ÒAnd when did this get to be
about me and him? We were talking
about the lovely Leila.Ó She loaded
her voice with sarcasm. ÒYou
remember her, right? The woman who
made you swing from trees?Ó
ÒI
did not realize you saw that.Ó
ÒOh,
I saw a lot.Ó She wanted to get up
and get dressed and storm out. But
if she did, then Jim would win.
Spock would be with Leila, and Chapel would be left with nothing.
She
stayed where she was, finally pulled Spock down for a kiss, murmuring an
insincere, ÒIÕm sorry.Ó
He
didnÕt seem to notice that she really didnÕt mean it. He kissed her for a long time before
making love to her, and for the first time, she didnÕt worry over who she was
thinking about as he moved inside her, but who he was.
##
Kirk
was sitting in the mess, eating breakfast, and was not at all surprised to see
Chris striding across the room straight to his booth. ÒGood morning, darling,Ó he said in what
was only a moderately snotty tone.
ÒDonÕt
ÔdarlingÕ me. I canÕt believe
youÕre bringing her aboard.Ó
ÒWere
you in the room when I commed? Why couldnÕt Spock just have said,
ÔChristine is hereÕ? Would have
been so much simpler.Ó He smiled at
her, the mock smile he knew she hated.
ÒWhy
are you being such an ass?Ó
ÒBy
hiring the best qualified botanist who applied? By making Starfleet brass happy with me
because IÕm buying into their civilian specialist on starships idea? Not an ass, IÕm afraid. Just trying to be fair, play nice, and
keep my ship.Ó
She
let out a sound that he decided was mostly anger but also some bit of
disbelief. ÒFair? Nice?Ó
ÒOh,
IÕm sorry. Did you want to make
this personal? Look, if you canÕt
keep Spock, thatÕs not my problem.Ó
ÒWhy
are you doing this? You didnÕt want
me.Ó She sounded so hurt he wanted
to reach for her.
ÒI
did want you. I still do. Wanting is not the problem.Ó
ÒNo,
your stupid damn rule is.Ó
A
rule he was going to throw out the window as soon as Chris was free of
Spock. But that would take some
time. Spock would try to be
honorable. Kirk could wait. And he wasnÕt going to tell Chris his
rule was about to be abandoned. She
needed to like him again before she could love him.
ÒWe
were friends before we were lovers, Chris.
IÕd like us to be that again.Ó
ÒYou
just hired SpockÕs ex-flame.Ó
ÒHe
had a hand in that. He recused
himself from the process, but he flagged her file. He could have just...made it disappear.Ó
ÒHe
wouldnÕt do that.Ó
ÒIf
you say so. At any rate, he didnÕt
argue with me when I said weÕd go with her. DidnÕt find me an alternative.Ó
She
took a deep breath. ÒYouÕre going
to destroy us. I find a little
happiness and what? You canÕt stand
it?Ó
He
couldnÕt stand it. Not when he
wanted her back. But he wasnÕt
going to say that. ÒCan we try to
be friends? IÕm here for you, all
right? The way we were back on
Earth before we took things beyond friendship.Ó
ÒI
think I might hate you.Ó
ÒFine,
hate me, Chris. But I picked the
most qualified person.Ó That, at
least, was true. She was also the
most likely to blow Spock and ChrisÕs relationship right out of the water. Win, win. ÒGo get some breakfast. Eat with me. LetÕs try to find something of what we
had, okay?Ó
ÒBefore
you ruined it, you mean?Ó
ÒI
would never count my time with you as ruined. Never, Chris.Ó He held her eyes far longer than he
might have usually, willing her to want to be with him.
She
finally sighed and said, ÒDo you want a refill on that coffee?Ó
He
nodded and grinned.
ÒDonÕt
smile like that. You know I canÕt
resist that one.Ó
He
turned it up a notch higher.
ÒKeep
that up and youÕll be wearing your coffee.Ó
He
laughed and let the grin die down.
ÒIÕve missed you so much. We
had fun, Chris.Ó
ÒI
know.Ó Her voice was lost again; it
was all he could do to not get up and hold her.
ÒGo
get your food.Ó He watched her as
she went through the line, feeling bad, but not bad enough to abandon Operation Get Chris Back.
#
Spock
waited in a conference room on Starbase Eighteen. Two of the three people that were
reporting for duty were here—the two Fleet officers. Leila was not.
She
was not however late. Just not
early. He knew civilians often had
less of a sense of urgency when it came to meeting start times.
The
door opened, and she walked in. He
nodded to a chair, turned back to the others as she got settled. But even that short look had been enough
to see she was as beautiful now as when heÕd said goodbye to her at Starbase
Twenty Seven. Older, of course, but
the years didnÕt show on her in a negative way.
He
gave his standard introduction to the new science crew, then indicated they
should report to the transporter room to beam over to the Enterprise.
He
did not mean to slow his walk so that he fell behind the two officers while
Leila stayed at his pace. He did
not mean to turn to her and ask, ÔYou are well?Ó when he had paid no such
attention to the other two.
He
did not mean to enjoy the way she smiled at him, her murmured, ÒI am. And you?Ó Her voice was still so gentle. He had always found that appealing.
ÒI
am well.Ó
ÒYour
captain told me you were with someone.
I believe he was warning me off.Ó
Spock
held back a frown; Jim had done that?
ÒHe is our captain now,
Doctor.Ó
ÒOf
course.Ó She was smiling. ÒYou did not address the other part of
my statement.Ó
ÒI
am with someone, yes.Ó
ÒHappily?Ó She had the teasing look he remembered
from Earth. He had not seen it much
after Omicron Ceti III.
ÒHappy
is an emotion.Ó
ÒNot
a ringing endorsement.Ó She held up
a hand when he started to speak.
ÒIt is none of my business, Spock.
IÕm not here for you. IÕm
here for me. For my career.Ó
ÒOf
course.Ó He should honor that. Should find an excuse not to walk with
her. To perhaps pick out something
for Christine at the candy shop—what kind of candy did she prefer?
Leila
enjoyed truffles. He remembered
that from the time they had spent together on Earth.
Jim
no doubt knew what kind of candy Christine preferred.
ÒSpock?Ó
He
realized Leila had said something and he had not heard her. ÒI beg pardon.Ó
ÒItÕs
all right. I was just asking if I
would be working with you directly.Ó
ÒThere
is a department chief who will be your direct supervisor. I will be ensuring your smooth
assimilation into crew life, however.Ó
ÒGood. I trust you.Ó
He
almost frowned. Why had Jim
assigned him this task? A human
would have been much better suited, might anticipate the mistakes a human
civilian would make. Doctor McCoy
for instance. Although he often
flouted the rules.
Mister
Sulu, then. He was an exemplary
officer. Although given how taken
he had always seemed with Yeoman Rand, perhaps Leila would be better placed
with someone who did not appear to prefer blondes.
She
was laughing, and he turned to her, eyebrow raised.
ÒI
have never known you to be so distracted, Spock.Ó
ÒAgain,
I beg pardon.Ó
ÒIf
itÕs my presence making you so preoccupied, please relax. IÕm not here to make trouble for
you. I am glad to see you,
though. IÕve missed you.Ó
ÒAnd
I have missed you.Ó The words were
true, but as they left his mouth, Spock knew he should have held them
back. He was giving Leila too
much. It was not proper: he was
with Christine.
ÒThen
we will be friends, Spock. We can
do that. And you will help me do
well on your friendÕs ship. He
doesnÕt like me.Ó
ÒHe
selected you.Ó
ÒI
know. I just donÕt know why.Ó She smiled again, the lovely, luminous
smile heÕd never forgotten. ÒDo
you?Ó
ÒYou
were the most qualified.Ó He forced
his eyes away. ÒWe should catch up
with the others.Ó
ÒYes,Ó
she said, Òwe no doubt should.Ó
##
Leila
made her way down the corridor, still unsure of her bearings on this ship where
all the hallways looked the same.
Fortunately, sweet Starfleet men—and a few women—were more
than willing to help her find her way to wherever she needed to go.
A
Lieutenant Chekov—Pavel, he had told her to call him—who had helped
her the day before stopped and smiled at her. ÒAre you lost again, Leila?Ó
ÒIÕm
trying to get to the mess hall.Ó
He
grinned. ÒThat is nowhere near
where I am headed, but I think this security monthly report can wait a few
minutes for a damsel in distress.Ó
ÒYouÕre
very kind.Ó
He
turned them so they were headed back the way sheÕd come. ÒIÕm also not busy tomorrow night. Have you been to the recreation lounge
yet?Ó
ÒI
have. ItÕs very...Ó She wasnÕt sure how to describe the
atmosphere. Cliquish, perhaps?
ÒNot
very friendly? Give them time. The women are jealous and the men are
dumbstruck by your beauty.Ó He
grinned again, making his words more a small joke than painful truth. ÒI am immune. So I should escort you and introduce
you, donÕt you agree?Ó
She
laughed and smiled in her most noncommittal way. It was the best way to handle these
sorts of men who were sweet but likely to swoop if they saw the first little
opening.
ÒThe
mess, my lady.Ó He bowed her toward
a room she recognized.
She
saw Spock coming down the hall, a tall brunette with him. ÒWho is that with Mister Spock, Pavel?Ó
ÒThat
is Doctor Chapel. Our deputy Chief
Medical Officer. I guess you did
not see her when you checked in?Ó
ÒNo,
I saw that nice Doctor McCoy.Ó
ÒDoctor
Chapel can be nice.Ó He didnÕt
sound entirely convinced of that.
ÒI
see. She and Spock are...?Ó
He
looked uncomfortable, and she realized sheÕd gone too far—either he was
disappointed in her interest in Spock or he was very loyal and didnÕt want to
tell tales on him or this Chapel woman.
ÒI will let you go, Leila.
Think about tomorrow night.Ó
He held up the padd he was holding.
ÒThese reports wonÕt wait much longer.Ó
And
she was alone, in the hall, with fleet personnel all around her, and her ex
love walking toward her with a woman whose expression changed as she saw her.
Leila
didnÕt have to wonder anymore what ChapelÕs role was in SpockÕs life—ChapelÕs
look said it all.
She
ignored Chapel, smiled winningly at Spock.
ÒHello.Ó
ÒDoctor
Kalomi. I
trust you are settling in?Ó
ÒI
get lost a lot.Ó She smiled at
Chapel. ÒI donÕt know how you tell
these corridors apart.Ó
ÒPractice.Ó
Leila
was surprised. That wasnÕt as sharp
an answer as she expected. ÒI guess
IÕll get better at it, then.Ó
ÒIÕm
sure you will. They wouldnÕt have
selected you for duty on the Enterprise
if you were too dumb to find your way around the ship.Ó
Okay,
that was more what Leila had expected.
ÒWe havenÕt formally met.Ó
She held her hand out. ÒIÕm
Doctor Leila Kalomi.Ó
Chapel
took her hand, her handshake firm—really firm. ÒDoctor Christine Chapel.Ó
ÒYes,
Lieutenant Chekov said. You are a
medical doctor.Ó She managed to
load a world of disdain into the word medical, but smiled sweetly.
ÒI
have a doctorate in biochem, as well.Ó Chapel moved closer to Spock. ÒSo, heÕs not slumming if thatÕs what
you were implying.Ó
ÒChristine.Ó Spock looked very uncomfortable.
ÒI
wasnÕt implying anything of the sort.
Just trying to sort out whoÕs who.Ó
ÒAh,
yes, always confusing when youÕre new.
IÕve been on this ship a long time—itÕs hard to remember being
so...green. I guess you could say I
know where the bodies are buried.Ó
ChapelÕs smile was a grim one.
Leila
took that to mean she was not going to share any of this insider information
with her. Or possibly that sheÕd
like her to be one of those bodies.
ÒHow fortunate for you. I
was that way with Doctor SandovalÕs project since I had been on it so
long.Ó
ÒThe
project that went nowhere? Were you
instrumental in that?Ó
Leila
had a feeling no matter which way she went in defending herself, Chapel would
have another dig ready. So she
settled for laughing softly. ÒIÕm
keeping you two from your lunch.
And weÕre all busy.
Please.Ó She gestured for
them to go into the mess.
Chapel
gave her an assessing look.
ÒVisitors first.Ó
ÒShe
is not a visitor, Christine. She is
crew.Ó
Leila
tried not to let any triumph show in her expression. ÒStill so gallant, Mister Spock.Ó
ChapelÕs
mouth grew very tight. She met
LeilaÕs eyes, the look that passed between them one of clear
understanding—and utter dislike.
ÒAre
you eating here? We could share a
table.Ó Leila knew she was pushing
it, but she thought she could only benefit by being next to this woman. She wasnÕt half as pretty as Leila. Bright but sharp—and Leila thought
Spock liked his women softer. Maybe
Chapel had once been soft? Leila
would have to ask Spock about that...carefully.
ÒSorry,
today weÕre on the grab and go plan,Ó Chapel said.
Spock
looked torn, finally nodded and said, ÒYes, as she said.Ó
ÒWell,
look at this.Ó
Leila
turned, saw the captain coming up behind them. ÒSir.Ó
ÒOne
big happy family. Chris, can I
borrow you for a moment?Ó
ÒNow,
sir?Ó
ÒMmm hmmm.Ó He
grinned at Spock. ÒYou donÕt mind,
do you? Bones isnÕt in sickbay
right now, so I need to steal her.Ó
Leila
saw something in SpockÕs expression.
Hurt, she thought. Or
possibly a little bit of anger.
But
he only said, ÒJim, it is your ship.Ó
ÒDoctor.Ó Kirk managed to get Chapel out of there
in a way that did not strike Leila as strictly professional.
ÒThey
are friends?Ó
ÒYes.Ó SpockÕs voice was very tight.
ÒClose
friends?Ó
ÒI
would prefer not to gossip about my friends.Ó
ÒFriend? Is that all the doctor is to you?Ó She smiled playfully. ÒI got a distinctly different idea.Ó
ÒLeila,
please.Ó
ÒFine. Will you eat with me at least? I donÕt know many people yet. IÕm tired of eating alone.Ó
His
expression softened. ÒOf course.Ó
##
ÒWhat
the hell was that?Ó Chapel wanted
to throw Jim against a bulkhead—repeatedly. ÒDo you even really need anything?Ó
ÒI
do.Ó He passed her a padd. ÒI couldnÕt say why I needed it. And Bones is in sickbay, so donÕt give
me shit once you see him there. But
you did the scans on Ilia, and I know youÕve been working with them ever
since. Starfleet is very interested
in whatever youÕve been doing.
Interested in a good way. The
VÕger android was extremely advanced. I think theyÕre looking to include some
of the tech in their own models.Ó
ÒGood
luck with that. The schematics are
incredibly complex. She was the
biomechanical equivalent of a living being, with systems just as delicate and tricky. Working strictly from scans is not
helping—if only we could have kept her with us...Ó
ÒShe
wanted to merge with Decker, remember?Ó
ÒI
do. How can I forget?Ó She sighed. ÒIÕm sorry I overreacted. Just seeing Kalomi
there, in the hall, all helpless poor civilian.Ó
Jim
laughed. ÒYou were a former civilian
once. When you talked me into
letting you on my ship youÕd only been in Starfleet a month. I found you lost in the corridors more
than once.Ó
ÒShut
up.Ó
He
laughed again. ÒDonÕt hold back,
Chris. The fact that IÕm the
captain doesnÕt mean you canÕt tell me what you really think.Ó He laughed again, almost silently, his
shoulders moving, small expulsions of air that told her he was really
amused. HeÕd laughed that way with
her when they were alone on Earth, and sheÕd been smitten. He was so...open when he did that. ÒSeriously, though. Why are you even letting her bother
you?Ó
ÒI
didnÕt appreciate her snotty sweetness—you missed most of that. ÔOh, are you a medical doctor?ÕÓ
ÒGood
impression. Can you do me?Ó
She
rolled her eyes. ÒYou know I
can.Ó She started to laugh, had to
stop smiling before she could go, ÒChris, I...need you to get-me-those-schematics.Ó She didnÕt take a breath between the
last words.
ÒI
do not sound like that.Ó
ÒDo,
too.Ó
ÒWe
are doomed to disagree. LetÕs go
back to talking shit about Kalomi.Ó
ÒItÕs
not that. ItÕs just that I hate the
butter wouldnÕt melt in her mouth crap. No one is that sweet. And sheÕs so damn pretty. How do I compete with that?Ó
ÒYou
donÕt have to. YouÕve got
fire. SheÕs boring.Ó
He
sounded completely sincere. She
turned to look at him as they got in the lift.
He
smiled—the look was more tender than she expected. ÒAnd youÕre damned easy on the eyes
yourself.Ó
ÒSpock
looks at her a certain way.Ó
ÒI
know. ThatÕs going to drive you
nuts, isnÕt it?Ó
ÒYeah,
it probably is.Ó She leaned up
against him for a moment, wanting to feel what they used to have, the solidity
of him, the support—both physical and emotional—he always gave her.
Until
he kicked her to the curb.
ÒFor
what itÕs worth, Chris, I look at you a certain way.Ó His eyes were soft, as if he was trying
to show her. ÒSpock knows about
us.Ó
ÒI
know. How do you? Did he ask you or did you volunteer?Ó
ÒHe
brought it up once. HasnÕt
revisited it, though. Thought maybe
he was so happy he didnÕt want—or need—to.Ó He leaned against her, his arm warm
against hers. ÒIs he happy? Are you?Ó
ÒNone
of your goddamned business.Ó
The
lift door opened and she hurried out, heard him coming behind her, but not
rushing.
She
turned so she was walking backwards and studied him.
He
was smiling at her so sweetly.
ÒJim,
donÕt.Ó
ÒI
miss you, Chris.Ó
ÒWell,
thatÕs your own damn fault.Ó She
turned around, and he caught up with her.
They
walked the rest of the way to sickbay in silence.
##
Spock
watched as Leila went about her duties on the landing party, taking samples of
flora on this moon previously deemed unsuitable, but now that VÕger had taken out so many facilities, was being given
another look.
It
had been a week since Christine and he had run into Leila at the mess. His evening with Christine had not been
pleasant once sheÕd found out heÕd stayed to eat with Leila.
Had
she really thought he would leave Leila alone in the mess? The polite thing—the collegial
thing—was to stay. Why could
she not see that?
Especially
when it had been Jim who had called her away. Had she looked happy to see him? Happier than perhaps was seemly for
someone who was ostensibly in love with Spock?
ÒYou
seem troubled.Ó Leila had moved
close to him, but was still working, taking readings of the plants near
him. ÒCan I help?Ó
ÒNo.Ó He realized that had come out too
bluntly, so he tried again. ÒIt is
nothing.Ó
Which
was a lie. It was very much
something. He was with a woman who
was annoyed—was that a strong enough word to cover how Christine felt
about Leila?—with him, and the person at issue was someone he was finding
it very hard to exclude from his life.
Moreover,
he did not want to.
She
smiled in a playful way. ÒIf itÕs
nothing but itÕs bothering you, then it must be a relationship issue. May I ask you something personal?Ó
ÒYou
always have in the past.Ó
ÒHave
you known Doctor Chapel long?Ó
ÒI
have.Ó He thought about that. ÒDuring the last mission, she was a
nurse.Ó
ÒA
nurse? So she was lying about her
doctorate? Or did she get it at the
same time as her M.D?Ó
ÒNeither. She had her doctorate when her fiancŽ
disappeared. She decided to look
for him, and Starfleet seemed her best option. She convinced Jim to give her a spot on
the nursing staff and took an accelerated course in that—she is quite
gifted.Ó
ÒThe
captain likes her, then?Ó
ÒVery
much. We have covered this ground,
Leila.Ó It was astonishing how easy
it was to fall into their old patterns from Earth. She probing, he deflecting.
She
smiled. ÒWere you involved with her
then? When she was a nurse?Ó
ÒNo. But she was interested in me.Ó
ÒAnd
you? Were you interested in
her?Ó She looked over her shoulder
at him, then turned back to her plants.
The sun was shining on her hair, turning it a flaxen that glowed in the
light.
ÒI
was intrigued.Ó
ÒIntrigued
is a one-night stand, Spock, not a relationship.Ó She took a deep breath, looking around
as if surveying the scenery. ÒThis
reminds me of Thalusa. I went there after I left SandovalÕs
project. It was not a nice
place. There are times I very much
miss Omicron Ceti III.Ó
ÒSurely
not having your will taken away from you?
Following the desires of the spores?Ó
ÒWas
it so bad?Ó She smiled. ÒYou never gave Doctor Chapel a thought
when you were hit by the spores.
You could only think of me, Spock.Ó
He
felt as though theyÕd moved from mildly dangerous ground to a minefield. ÒI will let you work, Doctor.Ó
ÒThatÕs
right. Leave once it gets
uncomfortable.Ó
He
turned and studied her. ÒAre you
trying to interfere with my relationship with Christine?Ó
ÒI
wasnÕt going to. But I donÕt like
her, and I donÕt think you really do, either. So yes, I think I might be.Ó
He
knew he was frowning slightly but found himself unable to stop, so he turned on
his heel and walked off to check the other members of the landing party.
##
Chapel
hated that she was headed for the science lab. Hated that she was doing it not because
she had an experiment to get to, but to see if Spock was with Leila.
She
should turn back. Now.
She
kept going. Leila had set up some
botany experiment in lab eight.
Spock had started to explain it to Chapel weeks ago, but sheÕd waved him
off. It made her angry that he knew
what Leila was up to. It made her
even angrier that Spock had seemed to be defending her when Chapel had only
inquired why he had moved his stuff to the same lab.
It
was a damned good question. HeÕd
never answered it.
She
got to the door of lab eight, walked in before she could second-guess
herself. No Spock.
Leila
was there, though. She looked up
and gave Chapel a smile that was in no way real. ÒChristine.Ó
Chapel felt her jaw tighten. SheÕd
never told Leila to call her by her first name. ÒDoctor Kalomi.Ó
ÒWhy
so formal? Leonard letÕs me call
him by his first name. Pavel as
well.Ó
ÒAnd
Jim? I donÕt see you calling him
anything but sir.Ó
ÒUnlike
you, you mean?Ó LeilaÕs smile grew
nastier. ÒYou and he are so good
together. Your personalities
so...compatible.Ó
Spock
had told Chapel that Leila didnÕt seem to like Jim, so she knew that last bit
had been a slap. She decided not to
respond.
ÒWere
you looking for Spock?Ó Leila asked.
ÒYep.Ó She could lie, but why? She had no other reason to be in this
lab. Her project was in lab four.
ÒHe
was here. HeÕs not now.Ó
ÒHelpful. Thanks.Ó
ÒYou
can go now. YouÕve satisfied your
curiosity—or is it jealousy?Ó Leila smiled in her fake sweet way and went
back to her work.
But
she was jiggling her knee. Chapel
frowned. Did she want her to leave?
ÒYou
know this is a great lab. ItÕs
always been one of my favorites.Ó Chapel
moved out of the way of the door, took a seat at a table in the corner. ÒAlways so private and quiet.Ó
The
jiggling got faster.
Chapel
smiled. ÒGotcha,Ó she murmured,
causing Leila to look up.
The
door opened, Spock walked in, with a tray that he took to Leila, even as she
was clearly trying to warn him that Chapel was in the room. He seemed oblivious. ÒI could not find the soup you asked
for, so I ordered chicken noodle.
You used to enjoy that on Earth.Ó
Chapel coughed softly.
She
had to give him credit. He did not
whirl around the way she probably would have if heÕd caught her bringing Jim
food.
He
turned slowly, lifting an eyebrow.
ÒHello, Christine.Ó
ÒHello,
lover.Ó She stood and walked over,
studying the tray. Just enough for
one, at least he hadnÕt planned to eat with her. She reached over and took the cookie
Spock had put on a small plate, taking a bite, then putting it back on the plate. ÒYum.Ó
With
a hard look at Spock, she walked out.
He
was not far behind her. ÒThat was
somewhat rude, Christine.Ó
ÒNo,
that was very rude. And I enjoyed
the hell out of it.Ó She held up a
hand as he started to say something else.
ÒIn my quarters. I am not
having an argument in the middle of the corridor.Ó
He
wisely shut up. But as soon as the
door to her quarters closed, he said, ÒYou have no need to be jealous.Ó
ÒIÕm
angry, Spock. I am, in fact,
furious. Not because youÕre with
her, but because you told me you had work to do, reports to finish. You lied to me.Ó
He
looked down. ÒI did have reports. I finished them, and Leila had a question
about something she had found. She
wanted my opinion.Ó
ÒOf
course she did. And then she wanted
a meal?Ó
ÒShe
had not eaten. What would you have
had me do?Ó
She
laughed softly. ÒYouÕre right. Go do whatever the fuck you want. I canÕt deal with you right now.Ó
ÒChristine,
please.Ó
ÒReally,
Spock. Go get her another goddamn
cookie. IÕm sure sheÕll appreciate
it.Ó She pointed to the door. ÒGet. Out.Ó
He
looked unsure, and she met his eyes, could tell that she was getting across how
livid she was because he turned and walked out without another word.
She
sat down slowly at her desk, mad as hell, and looked at her shaking hands. Then she got up and walked out, down to
the rec lounge.
She
needed a drink. She needed a strong
one. Possibly more than one.
##
Kirk
was sitting in the rec lounge with Sulu and Scotty when he saw Chris come in—she
looked like she wanted to kill someone.
ÒExcuse me, gentleman.Ó
He
walked over to her, heard her order a scotch, single malt, and he caught the
bartenderÕs eyes. ÒGive her some from
my stash.Ó
ÒWhatÕs
in your stash these days?Ó she asked.
ÒEighteen-year-old
Glenfiddich. That okay?Ó
She
nodded. Took a healthy drink of it
once the bartender put the glass down.
Kirk
took the stool next to her but sat facing out so he could see the room. ÒWhatÕs the problem?Ó
ÒYou
know damn well what the problem is.Ó
ÒAh. Five foot seven, blonde hair, blue
eyes.Ó
ÒYou
got it.Ó She waved the bartender
back. ÒFill him up again. And me too.Ó She threw back the scotch and pushed the
glass away from her.
ÒIf
youÕre going to drink like that, IÕll buy you rock gut. My stuff is too good to not savor.Ó
ÒSorry. And I know youÕre right. IÕm just angry.Ó
ÒI
never would have guessed.Ó He
turned so they were both facing inward.
ÒHeÕs yours to lose.Ó
ÒI
donÕt think so, Jim. I think heÕs
hers to take.Ó She swallowed hard.
ÒAre
you mad because you love him or because you hate to lose?Ó
ÒFuck
you.Ó She said it very softly, and
he smiled at how she could moderate her anger in public. She never lost sight of how to behave,
and he loved that about her.
ÒOh,
if only.Ó He leaned in and took the
glasses the bartender brought them.
ÒCome on. LetÕs go find more
comfortable seats.Ó
She
didnÕt argue, so he led her to a corner table way in the back of the
lounge. He put their drinks down,
sat in one of the cushy chairs that filled this end of the room. It was designed to be a place for quiet
talks, for getting some distance from the dance floor and people playing games.
ÒI
ate her cookie,Ó she said as she took the seat next to him.
He
started to laugh. ÒWhat?Ó
She
laughed, too. ÒI was mad. Spock brought her a dinner tray, and I
caught him. So I took her peanut
butter cookie right off her plate and bit into it and then put it back.ÓÕ
He
laughed harder. ÒYou donÕt even
like peanut butter.Ó
ÒI
know. I was angry. She was taking my man, so I took her
cookie.Ó
ÒAnd
then gave it back with your cooties on it.
ThatÕs the best part.Ó He
shook his head. ÒI told you: you
have fire. She doesnÕt. I bet she just sat there, right?Ó
ÒWell, really? What do you do when
someone does that?Ó
He
made a considering face. ÒI know
what IÕd have done. What about you?Ó
ÒI
would have picked the cookie up with my napkin as if it was a biohazard and walked
it over to the recycler. Then IÕd
have disinfected my hands.Ó
He
smiled.
ÒWhat
would you have done?Ó
ÒPossibly
that. Or maybe crammed it down her
throat with a ÔHere, if you want it so bad, finish it.Õ Would have depended on the
circumstances.Ó
ÒIÕd
be in the brig if I did the latter.
Assaulting a fellow officer is a court-martial offense.Ó
ÒSheÕs
not an officer.Ó He winked.
ÒOh,
yeah.Ó Her smile faded and she
stared down at her drink. ÒHe loved
her, didnÕt he?Ó
ÒYes,
I think he did. The question is
does he still?Ó
She
nodded. ÒWeÕve never talked about
what I was doing on Omicron Ceti III, while you were
on the ship and Spock was on Leila.Ó
He
smiled at her phrasing. ÒNo, we
never have.Ó
ÒI
was spored up, happy as could be, and I saw
them. Spock and her. Making love under a tree.Ó She met his eyes. ÒIt hurt. It hurt so bad it knocked me free of the
spores. But everyone was...lost. Lost but happy and of no help to me. I looked for you. I knew youÕd fight
it. I saw that when we were on Exo III—that youÕd never give up. But the spores got me before I could
find a communicator. And then I was
fine because I didnÕt see Spock and Leila together again.Ó
ÒI
had Spock beam up to the ship.Ó
ÒAnd
Leila on her own wouldnÕt have made me upset enough to throw off the spores.Ó She swallowed hard. ÒHe does still love her, Jim.Ó
ÒAre
you sure? Sometimes things from our
past seem better simply because we couldnÕt have them. HeÕs fond of saying: having is not so
satisfying a thing as wanting.Ó
ÒI
think that applies to me, not her.Ó
She laughed, bitterly. ÒSo
whatÕs wrong with me? I liked
having him.Ó She looked down. ÒI liked having you, too.Ó She shook her head, gave another bitter
laugh. ÒI think heÕll like having
her. Especially after Gol. No
regrets. ThatÕs what he told me
just before she showed up. I
thought it meant he didnÕt regret choosing me, but now I think it means heÕs
scratched his itch when it comes to me.
Now he can move on. To the
one he really wants.Ó
ÒHas
he told you he wants to call it quits?Ó
ÒNo. IÕm sure heÕs considering the best way
to do that. The
least...embarrassing way for him.Ó
ÒDonÕt
borrow trouble, Chris. HeÕs the
science officer, and sheÕs a new person in the science department. And theyÕre old friends. It makes sense that theyÕd spend time
together. It doesnÕt have to mean
heÕs cheating.Ó
ÒIt
doesnÕt have to mean heÕs not.Ó
ÒYouÕre
here with me. Are we cheating?Ó
She
met his eyes. ÒI came here figuring
youÕd be here.Ó
He
smiled. ÒI donÕt mind that.Ó
ÒJust
like IÕm sure Leila doesnÕt mind when he visits her.Ó She closed her eyes. ÒLetÕs not talk about them. Tell me something good. Tell me something that will make me
smile.Ó
ÒI
love you.Ó
She
opened her eyes and met his gaze.
He didnÕt smile, didnÕt try any of his tricks. He wanted her to see that he meant it. HeÕd never said it to her before.
ÒOh,
Jim, you exhaust me.Ó She pushed
her glass at him. ÒHere, finish
this. IÕm done for the night. Thank you for the ear.Ó
ÒAnytime.Ó
She
got up and walked out. He watched
her until the doors closed behind her.
##
Spock
checked in with the other landing parties on the world they were
surveying. He found it fascinating
that lately whenever a landing party needed a botanist, Jim assigned
Leila. And then he inevitably bowed
out of leading it and left it to Spock.
And
Christine was never included.
Spock
heard LeilaÕs soft steps and turned to look at her as he finished comming the other team leads. ÒIs something wrong?Ó he asked her.
ÒNo. IÕm just enjoying having you all to
myself.Ó
He
resisted telling her she did not have him all to herself when there were eight
others on their team; he knew what she was really saying: without Christine.
ÒDo
you love her, Spock?Ó She didnÕt
look away, her eyes were soft, as if she had not just started a conversation he
thought would destroy what he and Christine had.
But
what did they have? Lies. She had come to him without telling him
about her previous involvement with Jim.
Spock was still not certain if she had accepted his invitation to dinner
because sheÕd wanted to spend time with him or because sheÕd wanted to get back
at Jim.
He
did not have to ask himself why Leila sought him out.
ÒIÕm
sorry, Spock. ItÕs none of my business.Ó She turned to go.
ÒI
do not love her the way I love you.Ó
Such a horrible admission.
Such a dangerous one. And
yet the truth.
She
stopped. ÒOh?Ó She looked back at him. ÒThen why are you with her and not with
me?Ó
ÒA
most excellent question.Ó
ÒAre
you afraid to leave her alone?Ó
ÒShe
will not be alone long.Ó He
realized that was true. Jim would
take her back.
Why could Jim not just talk to him about this? Why steal his woman back?
ÒI
am tired of sleeping alone, Spock.
Pavel is quite insistent that I go out with him. Should I do that?Ó
ÒNo.Ó The answer was out before he could stop
it. Not that he wanted to stop it,
but he would have liked to have considered his words more fully, not just
blurted out the first thing he felt.
ÒI
have work to do. Plants to
catalog.Ó She smiled. ÒAbout that sleeping alone. Will I see you tonight?Ó
ÒYes.Ó It was the wrong thing to say and yet it
was the only thing he could say.
Christine would be fine. She
would be angry. But she had seen this
coming. Her actions in the lab
several weeks ago had made that clear.
He
wondered if she had realized they could be seen in two ways. Taking the cookie was certainly
territorial, and he thought that was how sheÕd meant it. But she gave the cookie back, only took
a bite of it. Had she realized the
cookie could stand for him? That
she would only have him for a short time and then give him back to the woman he
was meant to be with?
Or
perhaps he was overthinking this.
Perhaps he did not want to admit that he wanted out of their
relationship and was willing to see hidden messages in baked goods.
ÒWe
never had a chance to be together like this. Normal. Everyday.Ó She looked around as if to make sure
they were alone, then touched his hand.
The
touch sent a wave of fire through him.
He wanted this woman. He
loved this woman. He had always
loved her.
He
would do whatever it took to get her.
##
Chapel
was in her office, heard footsteps that stopped at her office door.
Spock. Wearing a certain look. After yet another mission with Leila.
ÒMay
I come in?Ó he asked. ÒWe need to
talk.Ó
She
laughed. Did he have no idea that
nothing good started with ÒWe need to talkÓ? ÒItÕs over, isnÕt it?Ó
He
looked as if heÕd wanted to say it differently, wanted to control
it—probably wanted to be the good guy here. Maybe tell her how she was in love with
Jim. How unfair that had been to
him.
He
didnÕt need to. SheÕd thought of
those things already.
ÒSpock,
just say it. ItÕs over.Ó
ÒIt
is over.Ó
ÒI
wish the two of you all the best.Ó
She tried not to let her anger flow into those words. Tried to put some semblance of sincerity
into them.
ÒIf
you ever have need of me...Ó
ÒRight. Got it. Go, now. IÕve got work to do.Ó
ÒI
am sorry.Ó He did look slightly
miserable.
ÒGet
the fuck out, Spock. What the hell
am I supposed to do with ÔIÕm sorryÕ?Ó
He
turned and walked out, and the look on his face as he did it was relieved.
Her
last gift to him. SheÕd be the mean
one, the bad guy, so he wouldnÕt have to be.
She
forced herself to work on reports that required zero creativity until her shift
was over. Then she headed for the
lounge, pledging fealty to whatever god would keep Spock and Leila out of there.
They
werenÕt in the lounge, but Jim sat at the bar, facing the door, and he
smiled—a grim, if triumphant smile—when she walked in.
She
walked over to him and slid onto the stool next to him. She wanted to take his drink and pour it
over his head, but he was her captain—and besides, it was against her
religion to waste good booze that way, not to mention that sheÕd no doubt have
to treat him for burned eyes.
ÒI
saw them together in the mess hall just before I came in here, Chris. IÕm sorry.Ó
ÒI
hate you.Ó
ÒSave
it for later—in my quarters.
Right now we are going to have a drink and talk and laugh, and no one
will guess that you are the least bit upset over what Spock and Ms. Kalomi are up to.Ó
He waved the bartender over.
ÒThe lady will have champagne, the good kind, from my stash.Ó
ÒChampagne
is for a celebration, Jim.Ó
ÒYes,
it is.Ó He looked at her, his eyes
surprisingly gentle. ÒAnd we never
had one. I never let us have one.Ó
She
nodded at the bartender, and he went to the other side of the bar, uncorked a
bottle just for her. ÒI still hate
you, Jim.Ó
ÒYou
should still save that sentiment for later. WeÕre saving face, remember?Ó He smiled at the bartender as he set the
glass of bubbly down in front of her, then lifted his glass. ÒTo being together when we thought we
wouldnÕt be.Ó
ÒBeing
together at this bar?Ó
He
shook his head.
ÒBeing
together on your goddamned ship?Ó
ÒDo
not insult my ship. And no, thatÕs
not what I mean.Ó He sipped his
scotch. ÒTogether together.Ó
ÒBecause
you think IÕll just run from him to you?Ó
He
shrugged in a really annoying way, and she toyed with throwing her drink at him—champagne
would burn a lot less than scotch.
ÒWhatever
youÕre thinking about, I donÕt believe I like it.Ó
ÒIÕm
picturing you wearing this champagne.Ó
She took a sip. Holy God, it
was good. ÒWhat is this?Ó
ÒDom Perignon. I stocked up at Starbase Eighteen.Ó
ÒWhen
we picked up Leila.Ó
ÒJust
exactly.Ó He met her eyes, his own
dead serious, no grin in evidence.
ÒYou
planned this. You knew heÕd dump me
for her.Ó
He
nodded and took another sip.
ÒAlthough she was the most
qualified for the posting. I
wouldnÕt risk the ship—could no doubt have come up with another way to
win you back.Ó
ÒI
hate you.Ó
ÒNo,
you donÕt. And for what itÕs worth,
I think heÕs an idiot for leaving you for her. But heÕs always had a thing for sweet
blondes.Ó
ÒOther
than me.Ó
ÒWell,
youÕre not that sweet.Ó He smiled
and reached over, touching her hair.
ÒMaybe he suspected you werenÕt really a blonde. Was afraid of the brunette within.Ó He pulled his hand away slowly. ÒShe was the one he could never have,
Chris. Believe me, as I watched you
with him, I understood what that was like because I was feeling it about you. And I decided to see if I could do
something about it. Stealing you outright
wasnÕt going to work. You were too
mad, and I didnÕt want to do that to him.
So I gave him something he wanted more than you.Ó
She
sipped her champagne and stared down at the bar.
He
leaned in. ÒI love you. I never said it on Earth because you
were leaving. And then I had my
rule. But now I donÕt care about my
rule. I want you. I got you cut loose. And now IÕm claiming you. In front of everyone here.Ó
She
looked around. Everyone here wasnÕt
paying them the least bit of attention.
Even the bartender was at the other end of the bar, wiping down glasses. But she understood what he was
saying.
They drank in silence for a while, then he said, very gently, ÒAre you okay?Ó
ÒI
am. I guess. But why did she have to be so goddamn
pretty?Ó
ÒShe
is easy on the eyes. SheÕs not you,
though. I know who IÕd pick.Ó He smiled as someone put music on. ÒPerfect. Dance with me. WeÕll put paid on this thing and go back
to my quarters.Ó
ÒWhat
if I donÕt want to go back to your quarters? What if I want to get the hell off this
ship?Ó
ÒThen
IÕll let you go. And IÕll write you
an excellent recommendation. But I
donÕt want you to go. I want you to
stay, here, with me. Be mine.Ó He slid off the stool, held his hand out
to her. ÒDance with me?Ó
ÒI
fucking hate you, Jim.Ó
ÒI
take it thatÕs a yes, then.Ó He
grinned as she took his hand and let him ease her off the stool.
ÒYouÕre
horrible,Ó she said as they settled into the dance, as he slid his hand down
her back, nearly to her rear, as he pulled her closer than the dance
technically called for. ÒThis is
all your fault.Ó
ÒI
agree on both counts. I was an
idiot. And I missed you. Badly. I think I proved with Decker that IÕll
do whatever it takes to get my girl back.Ó
ÒThat you did.Ó She sighed, trying
not to let him know how good this felt.
She loved dancing. Spock
never danced. She and Jim had
danced so much on Earth. ÒI donÕt
know whether to be angry or flattered.Ó
ÒI
think both is fine.Ó He pulled back
and grinned at her.
She
was helpless in the face of that smile.
ÒGod damn you.Ó
He
laughed and spun her around, making enough of a show of them that people would
look.
ÒYou
really want them to know, donÕt you?Ó
ÒI
didnÕt go to all this work to sneak around once I got you. Yes, I want them to know.Ó
ÒBut...you
used to care so much about that damn rule.Ó
ÒI
know. Past tense. Used to care. And the crew seeing us together wonÕt
matter. Some on the crew already
hate me because they were DeckerÕs people.
Others will root for us.
Some may not care, period.Ó
He stroked her hair. ÒThink
IÕm making my point?Ó
ÒYes.Ó
ÒThink
we can go now?Ó
She
shook her head and his smile died.
ÒYouÕre
that mad?Ó
ÒNo,
you donÕt get a one and done with me, Captain. You dance with me until IÕm sick of
it. You dance with me until my
friends come in and see us.Ó SheÕd
like to say until Spock and Leila came in, but she had a feeling they were
otherwise engaged in one or the otherÕs quarters. ÒYou woo me until IÕm not mad at you
anymore. And I am not going back to your quarters
tonight. Or tomorrow night. Or maybe even next week. You want me back? Then win me back.Ó
His
smile lit up. ÒI can do that.Ó He ran his hands over her back,
murmured, ÒEverythingÕs going to be all right now.Ó
ÒFor
you, maybe. What if I was happy?Ó
He
kissed her cheek, a short touch loaded with affection. ÒYou werenÕt. But you got him out of your system, so
thatÕs good.Ó
ÒYour
ego could power this ship, Jim.
Jesus.Ó
ÒWell,
yes, probably true.Ó He moved his
lips to her ear, murmured softly, ÒI hated seeing you with Spock. I felt torn up inside every time you
touched his arm the way you would.
The way youÕd look at him when you were ready to call it a night, and I
knew he would get to go to bed with you.
HeÕs my best friend, and I hated him. My ego took a beating—it wouldnÕt
have powered an emergency handlight—because I
honestly wasnÕt sure I could get you away from him. So I brought in the heavy artillery in
the form of Kalomi. ThatÕs what you do to me. ThatÕs how much I want you.Ó
ÒThatÕs
a very nice start. IÕm still not
going to your quarters.Ó She
nuzzled in, then bit his ear, a little harder than she should have.
ÒBitch.Ó He pulled her closer—she couldnÕt
help but notice that Jim Junior was very
happy to be dancing with her. ÒBut
youÕre my bitch, so IÕll keep you.Ó
ÒIs
that supposed to be romantic?Ó
ÒI
think we may have slightly different rules for whatÕs romantic than, say, Spock
and Ms. Kalomi.Ó
ÒDoes
this mean we have to double date with them? Because I am not on board with
that.Ó She pulled back so she could
look at him. ÒI canÕt stand her. And I donÕt mean just because sheÕs with
Spock now. SheÕs annoying.Ó
ÒTalking
about our future. I like
that.Ó He smiled and pulled her back
against him. ÒFirst I have to win
you, right? Or are you conceding
now, and we can go to my quarters and talk about double dating after weÕve made
love?Ó
ÒShut
up and dance.Ó
##
Leila
lay in SpockÕs arms and tried not to compare the man she had finally captured,
finally been with, to the Spock she remembered on Omicron Ceti
III. She failed. ÒI wish there were clouds to watch.Ó
He
drew away and seemed to be studying her.
ÒClouds?Ó
ÒLike
the first time we made love.
Afterwards, we were watching the clouds, you remember?Ó He had been so whimsical. It made her smile just to remember.
ÒI
do. I do not know why you would
want them here now, though.Ó
She
sighed. ÒPerhaps our next landing
party we can find some, see the dragons in them.Ó
ÒWhy
would we wish to do that?Ó
She
stroked his hair; he was so dense at times. ÒYou love me?Ó
ÒI
do.Ó
ÒThen
you would do it to make me happy.Ó
She rubbed his nose with hers.
He
frowned slightly. ÒBut it is
illogical. Clouds are nothing more
than visible masses of droplets of water or ice crystals. How would looking at them make you
happy?Ó
ÒWe
did it the first time.Ó
ÒI
realize that. I was also not
myself, Leila.Ó
ÒYou
were more yourself than youÕve ever been.Ó
She wanted to shake him.
Wanted to make him see. ÒYou
said you lived in a self-made purgatory.
But you donÕt have to with me.
I can let you be whoever you want to be.Ó
ÒI
also told you that I am what I am.
Do you love me or only the Spock you knew on the planet? Because I am not that man.Ó He was looking at her with a look she
wasnÕt used to. Not the soft
tenderness the spores had brought.
Nor the muffled longing for her heÕd shown on Earth. It was a mix of exasperation and
disappointment.
She
felt something die within her. Some
hope that maybe he could love her the way she wanted him to—the way sheÕd
gotten a taste of. But he loved her
his way. That would be enough.
WouldnÕt
it?
He
was still looking at her so sternly, she finally said, ÒI know. IÕm sorry, Spock. IÕm being foolish.Ó
ÒYes,
you are.Ó His expression changed
back to the tender one of before, as he rolled her to her back and kissed her.
She
kissed him back, holding tightly.
She had him. As much of him
as she was going to get, she had it.
SheÕd taken him from that horrible woman. SheÕd found her way to him against all
the odds.
So
what if he wouldnÕt watch clouds or climb trees? He probably wouldnÕt touch her in public
now, either. She had to let those
fantasies go.
He
was who he was. He was not the
Spock the spores had brought out.
Even
if she had loved that Spock. With
all her heart.
##
A
bouquet of roses showed up at ChapelÕs door. There was a crewman behind them but she
could only see his legs, the vase and the mass of blooms obscured the rest of
him. ÒDelivery for Doctor Chapel.Ó
ÒAre
you from hydroponics?Ó
ÒYes,
maÕam. The captain said he wanted
four dozen red roses sent to you.
You save his life or something?Ó
ÒSomething
like that.Ó She smiled and cleared
a spot on her desk. ÒYou can put them
here.Ó
The
smell hit her as put them down then moved back.
Lovely,
rich—passionate. She was
still holding Jim at bay as far as sex, but it was only a matter of time. His ability to woo was as advanced as
his ability to tick off aliens and bullshit the brass.
ÒThank
you,Ó she told the crewman, and he smiled and left.
A
short while later, Jim walked in.
She
tried not to grin, but it was impossible.
He
sat down and said, ÒNice flowers.
Somebody must really like you.Ó
ÒMaybe
so.Ó She gave up, started to laugh.
ÒFour dozen, Jim? Are there any
left in hydroponics? YouÕre
supposed to save these for special dinners with VIPs or alien dignitaries,
arenÕt you?Ó
ÒPfffff.Ó He
leaned in and sniffed a rose.
ÒLovely. Almost as lovely as
the woman theyÕre for.Ó
ÒYouÕre
pulling out all the stops, arenÕt you?Ó
ÒThatÕs
what you wanted. Or did I
misunderstand?Ó
ÒYou
didnÕt.Ó She leaned back and
sighed; it was a happy sound, and he smiled at her.
ÒHave
dinner with me tonight?Ó he asked.
ÒOkay.Ó As if that was a hardship?
ÒNoguraÕs out this way for sector inspections. HeÕll be on our ship tonight.Ó
She
frowned. ÒHeÕs arriving after
dinner?Ó
ÒNope. HeÕll be here for dinner. He brought his wife on the trip. I think theyÕre hitting Risa along the way.Ó
Chapel
started to laugh. ÒHow do you say
boondoggle in Japanese?Ó
ÒThatÕs
what I want to know.Ó He leaned
in. ÒHis wife was his former CMO on
the Elektra.Ó
ÒSo
you think weÕll have something in common, she and I?Ó
ÒI
think he and I will, too. YouÕll be
there as my date, not as my deputy CMO.Ó
She
knew her mouth was open. ÒJim, you
donÕt have to do that.Ó
ÒHeÕs
told me for years I should settle down.
I think heÕll get a kick out of me finally listening to him.Ó He reached for her, and she gave him her
hand. ÒCivilian clothes. He asked for an informal night. So, be my date?Ó
ÒAll
right.Ó She grinned. ÒI like how gung ho you are about wooing
me.Ó
ÒI
thought you might.Ó He peeked out
into sickbay, then walked around her desk, leaned down, gave her a tender kiss,
and then hightailed it out of there, a satisfied and mischievous smile on his
face.
She
found it hard to concentrate on the report she was working on. Was very glad when a patient came in for
her to treat.
##
Kirk
looked for Chris as they enjoyed the hospitality of the Angrigians
on their wonderfully welcoming planet.
TheyÕd thrown a party for his crew, and he had no idea what the occasion
was other than a chance to host a huge shindig. Apparently they were big fans of get-togethers. He saw Chris mingling with the healers,
laughing at something one of the other doctors said.
He
leaned back in the very comfortable chair and sipped the drink heÕd been
given. Chris had loaded him up with
antitox, so he could afford to enjoy liberally, as
was expected on this world, while still maintaining some semblance of
sobriety.
Nogura
had been happy with him. Happy for
the amount of surveying theyÕd gotten done. Happy with the diplomatic efforts Kirk
had undertaken since VÕger. And very happy with Chris, if the
comfortable dinner conversation and his comments after were any
indication. The fact that Chris and
NoguraÕs wife Linda had gotten along famously only
made things better.
Kirk
wasnÕt just breaking his rule for Chris; he had his bossÕs blessing. ÒHigh time you settled down, Jim,Ó
Nogura had said just before he and Linda beamed back to their ship.
Well
past high time.
He
saw her look over at him. He
mouthed, ÒTonight?Ó
She
made an ÒIÕm thinking about itÓ face, so he put his hands together in
supplication and gave her a pleading face.
She laughed and finally nodded.
Then her smile turned into the one he remembered from Earth, usually
just before she and Jim Junior got up close and personal. She grinned and turned back to the
doctors.
What
a goddamned wonderful day.
Kirk
drank slowly, saw Spock coming toward him, and smiled at him. As Spock sat, Kirk said, ÒWe havenÕt
talked about Chris. Do we need to?Ó
ÒNo,
Jim. We are fine.Ó
ÒGood. I wouldnÕt like it if we werenÕt.Ó He studied his friend. ÒYou happy with your girl?Ó
ÒHappy
is an emotion.Ó
ÒYes. One you said you experienced for the
first time with her.Ó
ÒI
did say that.Ó Spock looked over to
where Chris stood.
ÒYouÕre
not saying that now, though, are you?Ó
ÒI
care deeply for Leila. It is
entirely possible, however, that the Spock she loves does not exist.Ó
Kirk
hated hearing that, but it wasnÕt a surprise. ÒGive her time, Spock. She waited a long time, and things can
build up in our memories. Sometimes
real life has to supplant the fantasies.
But it will.Ó
Spock
met his eyes. ÒOr possibly having
is not so satisfying a thing as wanting.Ó
Kirk
looked over at Chris. She seemed to
know he was watching her, turned and caught his eye, and smiled. God, he loved that smile. ÒI donÕt think so, Spock. Not when itÕs right.Ó
ÒNo,
that is what I fear as well.Ó
ÒGive
it time. ThatÕs an order.Ó
SpockÕs
lips ticked up. ÒBecause you care
for my well being?Ó
ÒI
do.Ó That was easy to say. HeÕd missed Spock when heÕd been at Gol. HeÕd been
ecstatic to get him back and didnÕt want him to leave again. He especially didnÕt want to be the
cause of making him hurt.
ÒAnd
you want me with Leila so that you do not have to feel guilty for taking
Christine away from me, is that not so?Ó
ÒMaybe
that, too.Ó He sighed. ÒSpock, youÕre my best friend. But I screwed up when I
let—made— her go. IÕm
sorry.Ó
ÒDo
not be sorry. Or if you must be
sorry, make it up to Christine. You
gave me what I have always wanted.
It remains to be seen if Leila will indeed make me happy—or I her.Ó
ÒFor
what itÕs worth: I hope youÕre both very happy.Ó
ÒAs
do I, Jim. As do I.Ó
FIN