DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the
property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The
story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c)
2013 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.
To Belong to Someone
by
Djinn
Chapel
walked out of Command, heaving a sigh of relief: the latest crisis
averted. Since Cartwright had moved
up, sheÕd been in charge of Ops until they brought in someone new. People with a mean streak liked to say
itÕd be Styles running the show.
She
knew Command would never be that cruel.
Although sheÕd also heard HarrimanÕs name bandied about. The man was a personality free zone, and
she was pretty sure the pace at Ops would eat him alive. How some people got where they had was a
mystery to her.
ÒWant
some company for the walk back?Ó
She
turned, saw Jim behind her. ÒI
wondered when youÕd materialize.Ó
ÒMaterialize?Ó He grinned. ÒNothing so high tech—I followed
you out.Ó
ÒWhereÕs
Spock? Is he at the house yet?Ó
Jim
nodded. ÒHe was eager to see
Saalen.Ó He turned the wattage on
his grin up even higher. ÒDo you
want to get a cup of coffee?Ó
ÒJim,
if Spock wants Saalen to himself, he only has to say so. You donÕt need to charm me to get it for
him. Or are you just out of
practice and wanted to practice on a known sucker?Ó She turned and walked away from him.
ÒWhoa. Chris, hold on. ThatÕs not fair.Ó
ÒDo
I want to get coffee? What the
hell, Jim?Ó
ÒI
miss you.Ó
ÒDonÕt. You donÕt get to miss me. Neither does he. Miss his son.Ó
ÒI
like the kid, you know that. HeÕs a
great boy. But itÕs not quite the
same thing.Ó He stopped her with a
touch on the arm. ÒItÕs been seven
years since we fought it out over Spock.
CanÕt we call a halt to hostilities?Ó
ÒHostilities? You think this is me being hostile? Who do you think convinced Saavik to
stay on Earth so you could get to know Saalen? She isnÕt your biggest fan.Ó
ÒI
know. Chris, I know.Ó He drew her in so her arm was looped
over his. ÒI just mean...youÕve
never let me back in.Ó
ÒHow
far did you want in? I talk to
you. I donÕt run you over with a
flitter when I see you on the street.Ó
He
laughed. ÒI donÕt mean I want to
start our old arrangement up. I
just wish we were still friends.Ó
ÒThereÕs
a seven-year-old boy back home whoÕs only heard me say good things about his
father and you. I could have been a
bitch—we both know IÕm capable of it. But I wasnÕt. How much more friendly do I have to
be?Ó She pulled loose from his
grasp. ÒIÕm sorry. ThereÕs something I forgot to do.Ó
ÒChris,
come on.Ó
ÒNo,
IÕll let Spock have his time alone and you can go do...whatever the hell it is
you do. IÕve got some comms I forgot to send.Ó She hurried back up the path to the
entrance. As she barreled down the
hallway, she had to stop herself from muttering angrily.
How
could Jim still spin her head after this long?
ÒChristine?Ó
She
slowed, looked behind her, and saw Sarek.
ÒOh, God, IÕm so glad to see you.Ó
ÒIs
something wrong?Ó He walked over to
her, and his solid, calm presence made her reaction to Jim seem...silly.
ÒThe
boys are in town.Ó
ÒYes,
I know. They are staying at the
embassy.Ó He gestured toward the
cafeteria. ÒDo you wish to sit?Ó
She
nodded and followed him in. They
sat at a table by the window, the lovely inner courtyard of Command spread out
before them.
ÒSpockÕs
with Saalen,Ó she said. ÒIt was Jim
I ran into.Ó
ÒAh.Ó The way he said it spoke volumes.
ÒSarek,
please. I was upset. He was schmoozing me. Or something. I donÕt know, but when he puts on the
charm...Ó
ÒYes,
I know. He is famous for that
charm, is he not?Ó
She
nodded. Infamous, really. ÒHe wants us to be better friends.Ó
SarekÕs
eyebrow went up precipitously.
She
laughed. ÒNot that kind, you pervert.Ó SheÕd learned years ago that as long as
they were in private, Sarek tolerated a great deal of smartass from her. He seemed to like the way she teased
him.
ÒI
am relieved to hear it. You have
been down that road, have you not?Ó
ÒMore
than once, as you well know.Ó Sarek
had seen far too much when heÕd melded with Jim during his quest for SpockÕs
katra. ÒItÕs frustrating. They blow into town and suddenly want
time with Saalen—and I honestly donÕt know what Jim was up to. Trying to play me or thatÕs what it felt
like. IÕve been more than fair
about Saalen.Ó
ÒAs
has Saavik. I have been impressed
at how easily you have remained part of the family, at how much you include all
of us.Ó
ÒWell
you arenÕt hard to include. Amanda
isnÕt, either, now that sheÕs gotten over her irritation with Saavik for not
letting her raise Saalen.Ó
ÒIt
was not just Saavik she was irritated with, Christine. I was your advocate, as well.Ó
ÒI
didnÕt know that. Why didnÕt you
tell me?Ó
ÒYour
relationship with my wife was strained enough. And you had Saalen to focus on. I did not think you needed to know you
were the cause of tension in our marriage on top of everything else you were
shouldering.Ó
ÒThank
you. You two are better now? SheÕs not mad at you?Ó
ÒOh,
she often is irritated with me. But
not, I believe, for that.Ó
Chapel
laughed. ÒGood.Ó She reached over, touched his hand for a
moment. ÒYou always calm me down. Thank you.Ó
ÒYou
are not as incendiary as you think.
I find you quite logical.Ó
ÒThanks,
Gramps.Ó
He
made the Vulcan version of an aggrieved face at the nickname. ÒHow did Saalen do on his mathematics
exams? I worked with him on some of
the practice questions and was quite impressed with the agility of his mind.Ó
ÒTested
out of three gradeÕs worth. As I
expected. HeÕs a brainiac, and I can brag about that since I contributed no
DNA to his intelligence.Ó
ÒBut
you provided an environment where intelligent discussions were fostered, did
you not? You are quite gifted.Ó
She
smiled. Compliments from him meant
something: he never gave them lightly.
ÒSometimes I wish I was still in biochem. Days like today where even the crises
had crises.Ó
His
eyes lightened, the way they always did when she amused him. ÒI am sorry. And your home is not a sanctuary tonight
if Spock is there.Ó
ÒNot
so much. SaavikÕs traveling. As she usually is when Spock plans to be
in town. Funny how that happens.Ó
ÒIndeed. I have no idea who gives her advance
notice.Ó He lifted an eyebrow at
her.
ÒItÕs
not me.Ó
ÒI
know that. I will confess something
to you: I am the one who lets her know.
Eventually, her anger with Spock and Kirk will run out. In the meantime, I believe it is
beneficial for Saalen to interact with the two of them without a simmering
mother in the background.Ó He
studied her. ÒAlthough you are more
a mother than she is.Ó
ÒShe
does her part.Ó
ÒDo
not leap to her defense, Christine.
Accept the compliment.Ó
ÒSorry. DidnÕt mean to jump down your
throat.Ó She put her arms on the table
and rested her head on them. ÒDo
you think theyÕll clean around me if I sleep here?Ó
ÒI
do not. Come, I will walk you
home. And I will also collect my
son and grandson—and Kirk if he is there, too—and leave you in
peace for the night.Ó He touched
her hand. ÒYou are exhausted.Ó
ÒDonÕt
read me. ItÕs rude.Ó
ÒIt
is expedient. And you do not
mind—who else looks after you, Christine?Ó
ÒGood
damn point. Sad damn point.Ó She sat back up. ÒOkay, walk me home. Get your boys. Let me sleep. Good plan.Ó
ÒAs
I said.Ó He rose and walked with
her to the house. He was
astonishingly effective in getting the boys mobilized and SaalenÕs homework
packed.
As
soon as the house was quiet, she fed Malika, the enormous brown tabby who had
followed Saalen home one day—with no prompting on his part, or so he
swore—and went to bed.
She
was out as soon as her head hit the pillow.
##
She
woke to the sound of her comm terminal going
off. It was Jim. She checked her chrono—sheÕd
slept till noon?
ÒWake
up sleepyhead.Ó He was giving her
the grin she found the hardest to resist.
ÒNo,
I refuse. IÕm tired.Ó
ÒSo
sleep some more but come to the embassy for dinner. WeÕre having a barbeque.Ó
ÒBarbequed
what?Ó She laughed. Somehow barbequed veggies didnÕt sound
very good when she had a rare opportunity to indulge in meat with all the
Vulcans away. ÒI think IÕm gonna enjoy some me time. Rain check?Ó It was the kind of thing you said when
you didnÕt really want to see the person, and she saw that fact register in
JimÕs face.
ÒSure.Ó He sighed and just watched her.
ÒJim. DonÕt. Whatever youÕre doing—whatever
youÕre going to say. DonÕt. IÕm going to go now before I get mad at
you.Ó
ÒOh,
youÕre not mad yet?Ó
ÒIÕm
actually not. I know some days itÕs
hard to tell.Ó Hard for Jim and
Spock to tell, any way. Saavik and
Sarek seemed to read her perfectly.
ÒChris,
I...Ó He stopped himself, shook his
head. ÒSaalenÕs grown so much.Ó
She
smiled, grateful he decided to steer them to safer ground. ÒHe had another growth spurt. Going to be a tall boy.Ó
ÒWell,
look at his parents.Ó
She
nodded.
ÒYouÕve
done a great job with him. I donÕt
know if Spock ever tells you that, but I know he thinks it.Ó
ÒThanks.Ó Spock hadnÕt told her that. She and Spock didnÕt talk all that
much. She and Jim didnÕt usually,
either. This Òmake Christine a friend
againÓ thing was new. ÒIÕve got to
go, Jim.Ó Although she had nothing
planned other than getting the biggest bacon cheese burger she could find after
she slept a bit more.
ÒAll
right. Take care. WeÕre leaving tomorrow. Just a short visit this time.Ó
ÒShort
or long, Saalen enjoys them.Ó
He
nodded. ÒIÕll see you.Ó
ÒBye.Ó She cut the channel.
She
resolved not to think about what Jim was doing, what he wanted, or if he was
playing her. She had a day to
herself, and she was going to enjoy it.
##
Chapel
was sitting in CartwrightÕs old office, working on the weekly report, when
Admiral Johnston came in followed by a captain she didnÕt recognize. She stood as they came into the office.
ÒAt
ease, Commander.Ó Johnston gave her
the kindly smile he always seemed to wear.
ÒChristine, let me introduce you to Captain Daniel Lorcas. HeÕll be taking Admiral CartwrightÕs
place.Ó
ÒVery
nice to meet you, sir.Ó
ÒIÕve
heard good things about you, Chapel.
Think you can turn an old space dog like me into a proper boss in this
place?Ó
She
found herself relaxing at his casual tone and friendly smile. ÒI think so, sir.Ó
ÒHeÕll
be reporting next week. I can see
youÕre busy. WeÕll let you get back
to it.Ó
ÒIÕm
looking forward to working with you, Captain.Ó
ÒSame
here, Commander. Carry on.Ó He grinned at her as if he knew full
well sheÕd done nothing but carry on since Cartwright had moved up. Then he followed Johnston to the front
of Ops where the admiral made quick introductions for those at their
stations.
She
went back to the terminal, glad that this would be her last weekly report to do
for a while. She wanted to get back
to being in charge of the operational part of Ops, not being a bureaucrat. She hoped Lorcas
knew what he was in for—but if heÕd had his own ship, he surely must.
She
was going through the message queues later when Sarek appeared in her
doorway. She smiled at him, pointed
to the chairs in front of the desk, and said, ÒTake a load off.Ó
He
sat and seemed to breathe a sigh of relief.
ÒBad
day?Ó
ÒA
long one. Tedious. The negotiations I am preparing for promise
to be contentious and I am relegated to sitting in conference rooms listening
to Starfleet officers argue over what the best outcome would be.Ó
ÒDonÕt
you already know?Ó She grinned at
him.
ÒOf
course. But I do not negotiate for
myself, Christine, but for the Federation.
Starfleet has a say.Ó
ÒWhether
you like it or not?Ó She laughed at
his expression. ÒHey, speaking of
Starfleet, have you ever met a Captain Daniel Lorcas?Ó
ÒI
have. His ship the Candelario has
served as transport for my delegation on several occasions. Why do you ask?Ó
ÒHeÕs
going to be running this place.Ó
ÒAh,
you will finally be able to go back to doing only one job?Ó
She
laughed and nodded. Had she bitched
that much to him about this?
ÒHis
crew seemed to respect him—and to be fond of him. I know that is important to you.Ó
ÒEspecially
here. Camaraderie is crucial.Ó
ÒI
believe you will find him an excellent choice.Ó
ÒGood.Ó She leaned back in the chair. ÒThe boys get off okay?Ó
He
nodded. ÒSaalen seemed to enjoy his
time with them.Ó
ÒHe
was so happy when he came home. I
like that JimÕs making an effort with him.
He didnÕt with Saavik.Ó
ÒNo,
he did not.Ó Sarek looked vastly
disapproving.
ÒCut
it out. He learned from his
mistake.Ó She winked at him. ÒSo what are you doing here? Did you need something?Ó
He
shook his head slowly. ÒI was tired
after the meetings. I have another
one in fifteen minutes. I thought
talking to you would be a pleasant diversion.Ó
She
laughed. ÒWell, I hope it was since
you wasted your break on me.Ó
ÒHardly
a waste.Ó He rose. ÒI believe I will get some coffee before
the next one.Ó
ÒYou? Holy shit, those must be boring meetings
if you feel the need for a caffeine jolt.Ó
He
did not comment on her language, but then he was used to it by now.
As
he turned to leave, she said, ÒHang on.
IÕll go with you. I could
use a coffee myself.Ó
He
waited for her and they walked out together to the cafeteria. She watched him fix his coffee. He surprised her by adding sugar and
milk.
ÒSpock
takes it black,Ó she said. ÒWhen he
takes it at all. And he goes for
weak coffee. Adds hot water.Ó
ÒI
do not see the point of drinking it if you are going to modify the caffeine
content to that extent.Ó
ÒWell,
me neither, but I never said that to him.
ItÕs possible youÕve been around humans too long.Ó
ÒIt
is entirely possible.Ó His
expression was very light as he took a sip. He checked the chrono
on the back wall. ÒI must go.Ó
ÒMy
condolences. Thanks for the skinny
on Lorcas.Ó
ÒYou
are welcome.Ó
##
After
a week full of long nights, Chapel was finally getting home at a reasonable
hour. She heard laughter coming
from the living room, went in to see what was going on.
Rand
sat with Amy, the nanny Chapel couldnÕt live without. They were laughing and Jan looked up and
said, ÒChristine, about damn time.
I was just regaling Amy here with our latest exploits.Ó She leaned in to Amy and said in a stage
whisper, ÒIÕll let you worm JackÕs exploits out of him. I donÕt tell on my staff, just on me and
the captain.Ó
Amy
nodded. ÒIÕll grill him
tonight.Ó Her brother had recently
joined the Excelsior crew. Chapel might have had something to do
with that. She smiled at the
thought that he was fitting in—and the third degree his little sister was
going to give him.
Amy
got her things and left them, calling goodbye up the stairs to Saalen, who
echoed it back.
ÒThe
kid is getting big, Christine. My
God. What happened to the baby?Ó
Chapel
laughed. ÒThey grow up. ItÕs the basic premise behind them.Ó
ÒOh,
right. HeÕs quite the charmer. You sure he doesnÕt have some Kirk in
there?Ó
ÒHe
spends a lot of time with Jim.
Looks up to him. Would not
surprise me at all if heÕs learning to schmooze with the best of them.Ó She leaned back in her chair. ÒHow the hell are you, anyway?Ó
ÒIÕm
good. HikaruÕs
good.Ó She gave her a smile that
was this side of illegal.
ÒWell,
hot damn, you two finally did it?
Jan, the man has loved you for ages.Ó
ÒHe
played his hand close to the chest.Ó
ÒHe
did not. I knew it.Ó
ÒYeah,
yeah, so IÕm an idiot. We had a
mission go really wrong and, well, relief that someoneÕs not dead can lead to a
lot of things.Ó
Chapel
nodded, even if she hadnÕt been tempted lately to let anything lead to
sex. She couldnÕt just disappear to
be with some guy, not with Saalen waiting for her and Saavik gone so much, and
she didnÕt want to traipse men through the house. She lived like a goddamn nun. Not that sheÕd trade Saalen for the
world. But a girl still got an itch
every now and then.
ÒSo
how is she who only smiles for you?Ó
Chapel
laughed, against her will. ÒShe
just goes by Saavik now.Ó
ÒWe
gave her a ride the other day out to the Ledeburan
system. Man, sheÕs getting more
Vulcan by the minute. Or does she just
not like me?Ó
Chapel
sighed. It was possible Saavik
tended to get a little possessive of those she loved. But she and Jan seemed destined to tick
each other off with very little effort.
ÒSheÕs a complicated person.Ó
ÒYeah,
no shit.Ó Jan leaned back. ÒIs she on Earth today?Ó
ÒNope.Ó
ÒGood.Ó
ÒYou
want a drink?Ó
ÒHell,
yes. I only resisted asking Amy for
one since sheÕs still young and innocent.
Her brother, by the way, is working out great. Thank you for the recommendation on
him. Not sure we would have picked
him based on experience alone.Ó
Chapel
nodded and held up a bottle of red wine.
ÒThis okay?Ó
ÒYep.Ó Jan kicked her boots off and tucked her
feet under her on the couch. ÒSo,
what is the latest dirt with you?
Seen Jim lately? Spock?Ó
ÒI
see them all the time. When they
come to get Saalen and drop him off.Ó
ÒSo
no new conquests?Ó Jan made a
face. ÒYou have to get back up on
the horse. WhatÕs wrong with Len? He really loved you, you know?Ó
ÒI
know he did. And I didnÕt love him,
not the way he wanted. Besides,
heÕs done with me. I didnÕt choose
him and thatÕs the end of that story.Ó
SheÕd taken a lesson from him in that—she hadnÕt been with Jim or
Spock since Spock had left her.
Even when they seemed to be flirtier than normal on JimÕs part or more
intense on SpockÕs, sheÕd resisted the urge. She knew what it was like to be left by
those two. She did not plan on
repeating it—did not plan on being their extracurricular toy ever again.
She
liked to think sheÕd moved on, but she still had some anger. They still could mess with her head far
more than she liked. It was hell
being the one who got left out: hard to get over wanting back in. No matter how badly it might turn out,
there was still that little nagging part that said, ÒThis time, things will be
different.Ó
Fortunately,
the rest of her could club that part into unconsciousness.
ÒEarth
to Chapel?Ó
Chapel
laughed. ÒSorry. Thinking. Long day.Ó She poured the wine and carried it over
to Jan. ÒYou want to stay for dinner?Ó
ÒCanÕt. Meeting HikaruÕs
parents.Ó
ÒOoooh. Major
step there.Ó
ÒI
know. DonÕt let me drink too much
of this. If IÕm stupid on our first
meeting, heÕll never forgive me.Ó
ÒNo
problem.Ó
Malika
came tearing into the room, Saalen clomping down the stairs after her. The cat mock hissed at him when Saalen
touched her tail, then when he took off running back upstairs, she chased him.
ÒTheyÕre
playing tag?Ó
ÒHe
can get a cat to do anything. He
takes after Amanda in that respect.Ó
ÒHow
is she? Still up your ass about who
should raise him?Ó
ÒNo,
sheÕs eased off.Ó Chapel heard
something crash upstairs and yelled, ÒTake it down a level, kiddo.Ó
ÒSorry!Ó
came drifting down the stairs.
Jan
laughed. ÒI love that kid. HeÕs not any one thing. HeÕs like the perfect blend of Vulcan
and Human.Ó
ÒAnd
Romulan.Ó
Jan
made a face. ÒNot my favorite
people. The mission that went so
wrong—they had a hand in that.Ó
ÒSorry.Ó
ÒIt
happens.Ó Jan sighed. ÒYou know caring for someone makes it so
much harder to get on with life.
IÕm always thinking of him now.
How do you manage with a child depending on you?Ó
ÒLife
is different, thatÕs for sure.Ó
ÒSaavik
sure made out in this deal. She
gets to live her life and just pop in: instant mom.Ó
ÒItÕs
not like that.Ó Chapel sighed. ÒI knew what I was signing up for. Believe me.Ó
ÒWhoa,
mama bear. YouÕre getting that look
you get when I go too far on my Saavik bashing.Ó
ÒThen
donÕt go too far. She loves Saalen
and he loves her.Ó
ÒAs
a big sister. You canÕt tell me he
honestly thinks of her as his mother.
IÕve seen him with you.Ó
ÒIt
doesnÕt matter what he thinks.
WeÕre all one family. It is
what it is.Ó
Jan
nodded. ÒYouÕre not involved with
her, are you?Ó
ÒWith
Saavik? Jan, sheÕs like my
daughter.Ó
Jan
laughed and held up a hand. ÒI had
to ask. You just went off the
market so fast, I thought maybe she was the reason.Ó
ÒMalika!Ó Another crash from upstairs.
ÒSaalen,
IÕm counting to ten.Ó She used the
tone that was calm but carried all the way to his room.
ÒSorry!Ó
Chapel
pointed to the ceiling. ÒThatÕs the
reason IÕm off the market. Kids
take time.Ó
ÒWhat
does that mean: youÕre counting to ten?
What happens when you reach ten?Ó
Chapel
started to laugh. ÒI have no
idea. HeÕs never made me reach
it.Ó She took a sip of her wine. ÒIÕm pretty much making this up as I go
along.Ó
Jan
raised her glass as if in a toast.
ÒMore power to you, my friend.
More power to you.Ó
##
Chapel
walked with Saalen into the embassy, smiling as he went running to Amanda, who
was holding a gray Persian.
Sarek
came out of his library.
ÒHello.Ó She smiled at him. ÒNew cat?Ó
ÒMy
wife swears she followed her home.Ó
ÒShe
and Saalen are too much alike.Ó She
grinned at him.
ÒWhat
happened?Ó he asked, looking at her arm.
ÒYour
grandson.Ó She eyed the scratches
that marked her upper arm. ÒMy
regenerator wasnÕt charged. IÕll
fix it tonight.Ó
ÒHe
scratched you?Ó Sarek looked
sincerely troubled.
She
laughed. ÒGod, no. He and Malika were playing tag, and I
happened to be in the way. He
swerved right, I swerved left, and the cat, well I guess she thought sheÕd leap
over us or something. She didnÕt
clear the hurdle—the hurdle being me. Not her finest moment.Ó
He
looked amused. ÒI did not realize
life with Saalen was so eventful.Ó
ÒÕFraid so.Ó She
grinned, then she gave him a searching look. ÒThe expression you had on your face
when you asked if he scratched me.
Did Saavik do that to you?Ó
ÒTo
Amanda.Ó
ÒAh.Ó
ÒIt
was when she first arrived. She was
extraordinarily headstrong. My
wife, too, is stubborn. The two
together...Ó
Chapel
nodded. ÒRecipe for disaster.Ó
ÒIndeed.Ó
Amanda
came toward them, the little cat lying in her arms like a baby. ÒChristine, are you staying for dinner?Ó
ÒI
donÕt think so. IÕve still got to
pack. We leave for Valdux at oh dark thirty tomorrow.Ó
Sarek
actually frowned. ÒThat is a very
dangerous planet.Ó
ÒUh
huh. We donÕt get sent to garden
spots, Sarek. IÕve been fully
briefed. And this isnÕt my first
rodeo.Ó She saw that Saalen was
watching them from the end of the hallway; with his hearing, he could easily
catch the conversation. ÒEnough,
all right. I donÕt want to scare
him.Ó
Amanda
nodded but Sarek said, ÒI do not think this is a wise course of act—Ó
ÒI
said enough, Sarek. Please.Ó She turned to Amanda. ÒAnd who is this?Ó
ÒDanke. A little
sweetheart. Nothing like that brute
you have.Ó
ÒMalika
is a good cat.Ó
ÒYes,
if one wants a wild animal in oneÕs home.Ó
ÒSheÕs
not wild. SheÕs just
boisterous. And she adores Saalen,
so really what more is there to talk about?Ó She grinned. ÒSaavik will meet you on Vulcan. I shouldnÕt be more than two weeks on Valdux. I hope
this isnÕt an imposition to take Saalen with you?Ó
ÒHeÕs
our grandson, dear. ItÕs never an
imposition.Ó Amanda smiled
gently. ÒStay safe. YouÕve clearly got Sarek worried.Ó
Amanda
walked over to Saalen, handing him the cat, and taking him into the kitchen.
As
soon as they were out of sight, Sarek drew her into the library. ÒCan no one else go?Ó
ÒSarek,
quit being such an old lady. IÕll
be fine. And even if I werenÕt,
itÕs not like Amanda would mind getting Saalen, now is it?Ó
ÒAre
you making a joke? Because I have a
feeling it would not be humorous even to a human.Ó
ÒThis
is my job. YouÕre as bad as
Saavik.Ó Who was constantly harping
at her to get out of Ops and back into medicine, where it was safer with more
sane hours. ÒThere will be no more
discussion. And donÕt say anything
about Valdux being dangerous to Saalen. I donÕt want him to worry.Ó
He
nodded slowly, his eyes narrowed, as if giving up the fight was something
painful for him. ÒPlease, take
every care while you are out there.Ó
She
leaned up and kissed him on the cheek—she thought it was a measure of how
worried he was that he allowed it without comment. ÒI will.Ó
##
Chapel
got out of the shower, the feeling of being clean after so many days in the
field indescribable. She pulled
some comfortable clothes on, spritzed on perfume, and enjoyed the casual luxury
of smelling good.
She
lifted her shirt and ran her hand down her side; the new skin was shiny and
red. Valduxian
weapons were a bitch—fortunately she was a bigger one. The injury had looked worse than it had
turned out to be. But so much
blood—she had been scared for a while. Worried that this would be her last
mission.
Her
door chime rang and she frowned.
Her debriefs were done. She
was on R&R on Starbase Twelve for two days before
heading home.
She
opened the door and was surprised to see Sarek there. A look of relief seemed to run across
his face as he took her in, then it was gone.
ÒWhat
are you doing here?Ó She moved aside
to let him in. ÒI thought you were
on Vulcan with Saavik and Saalen?Ó
ÒClearly
I am not.Ó He moved into the main
room of her temporary quarters, going to the window and staring out at the
view—or lack thereof. ÒI saw
that you were injured. I was...concerned.Ó
ÒYou
saw? Just how much access do you
have?Ó
ÒMore
than you think I do, evidently.Ó He
turned and studied her. ÒYou are
recovered?Ó
She
nodded. ÒIt wasnÕt as bad as it
initially seemed. They treated me
on Valdux and let me come here to recuperate. IÕm tired—probably was working too
hard and got overtired. Made myself
a target by being too stubborn to rest.Ó
ÒYou
have been obstinate since I met you.Ó
He turned to the window again.
ÒWhere
is Amanda?Ó
ÒOn
Vulcan, of course. With Saavik and
Saalen.Ó
ÒGreat. A wonderful opportunity to badmouth me
with no impartial you to leap to my defense.Ó
ÒI
am hardly impartial. And I do not
think she would do that.Ó
She
moved to stand next to him. ÒThe
cherry on top would be hearing Spock and Jim were joining them.Ó
His
mouth did something funny, almost a frown.
ÒGreat,
just great.Ó She sighed. ÒSo theyÕre all there and youÕre...Ó
He
turned to look at her.
ÒDoes
Amanda know where you are?Ó
He
shook his head.
ÒSo
you just...left?Ó
ÒAs
I said, I was concerned.Ó
ÒWell,
you should have waited for the after report, where it said I was fine. You left Saavik and our boy alone with
those three?Ó
ÒLogic
fails me when it comes to you, Christine.Ó
He met her eyes then turned away again, as if looking at her hurt him in
some way. ÒSaalen will be fine with
his father and Kirk, and it is time Saavik learned to accept what is: my son
and Kirk are not going to end their relationship, no matter how much she may
want that.Ó
ÒSheÕs
very invested in the idea of Spock and me together.Ó
ÒI
am aware of that.Ó
She
leaned back against the window and closed her eyes. ÒWell, youÕre here now and IÕm
starving. Take me to dinner if you
arenÕt hightailing it back to Vulcan?Ó
ÒThere
is a shuttle in the morning. I will
leave then.Ó
ÒYou
have quarters, I assume?Ó
ÒI
do. I was not sure what state I
would find you in.Ó He made a sound
that seemed like a sigh. ÒI, too,
am hungry.Ó
ÒThen
letÕs go.Ó She touched his
arm. ÒIÕm glad you came for
me. Although I imagine Amanda
wouldnÕt be, would she? Since you
didnÕt bother telling her where you were going?Ó
He
met her eyes, his own full of a dark emotion sheÕd never expected to see. ÒShe would not be pleased with me.Ó
ÒWill
you tell her you saw me, when you get back to Vulcan?Ó
He
shook his head.
ÒWonÕt
she know? The bond and all?Ó She was stomping into some very personal
territory here.
He
didnÕt seem to mind. ÒThe bond
between mates requires two telepathic partners. Few humans have sufficiently developed
psi skills for it to be achieved.Ó
ÒI
always assumed that Spock didnÕt want one with me—or that he already had
one with Jim. Not that he couldnÕt
with a human.Ó
Sarek
nodded.
ÒYou
must have rare privacy for a mated Vulcan.Ó
ÒIndeed.Ó
They
shared a long look, then she pushed herself up from the window, and smiled in
her most unthreatening way, letting him—them both—off whatever hook
they suddenly seemed in danger of impaling themselves on. ÒCome on, Grandpa, letÕs get dinner.Ó
The
expression that flashed across his face was a mixture of amusement and relief.
##
Chapel
heard the door to the house open, then the sound of running feet. Saalen slowed as he came up to her, his
eyes shining as he sat on the couch and pushed his arm hard against hers.
ÒMissed
me, huh, kiddo?Ó She put her arm
around him and kissed the top of his head; he only squirmed mildly. He really must have missed her. ÒSo, how was Vulcan?Ó
ÒFine.Ó He eased away from her, went to pet Malika,
who was lying in front of the fireplace.
ÒI missed the cat.Ó
ÒOf
course thatÕs all you missed.Ó She
winked at him.
ÒFather
was there.Ó
ÒHe
was?Ó She tried to sound surprised,
as if Sarek hadnÕt told her about it, hadnÕt spoken of how both Spock and Jim
were on their best behavior around the boy. SheÕd gotten Sarek to admit at dinner
that he thought Jim was in full-on woo mode.
Too
bad Jim hadnÕt tried that with Saavik when she was a child, would have saved
himself a lot of trouble.
ÒJim
was there, too.Ó Saalen studied her
and she smiled as easily as she could.
ÒHe gave me a model of the ship.
I have it in my carryall.Ó
He looked around as if for the bag.
ÒChristine?Ó Saavik came in, lugging both her
carryall and SaalenÕs. ÒHe could
not wait to get to you. Left me to
carry these up from the flitter.Ó
Saalen
had the grace to look as contrite as a seven-year-old could. ÒSorry, mother.Ó
Saavik
let the bags slide to the ground and sat down across from Chapel. ÒValeris was there. If I didnÕt know better, IÕd say she and
Spock were involved.Ó
Chapel
frowned, glancing at Saalen. He
took in far more than Saavik seemed to think he did.
ÒFine,
this can wait. How are you?Ó
ÒRight
as rain.Ó Saavik would just worry
if she heard Chapel had been injured.
Would just press more that she leave Ops.
Malika
got up and stalked out of the room, and Saalen followed her.
Saavik
waited until he was safely out, then said, ÒSarek left for several days. Relegated me to time alone with Kirk and
Spock. Amanda spoke highly of Kirk
every chance she got, of course.
And then there was Valeris.
SpockÕs new protŽgŽ and apparently my replacement in his
affections. A perfect Vulcan.Ó She flicked something only she could see
off the arm of the chair. ÒShe can
insult me with such ease. Spock
doesnÕt even seem aware of it.
Amanda ignores it.Ó
ÒWhat
does Jim think of it?Ó
ÒValeris
was only there the last day. He
left before she came. Had meetings
or something—I did not ask.Ó
ÒNo,
IÕm sure you didnÕt.Ó Chapel leaned
back. ÒI missed you two.Ó
ÒWe
missed you. Saalen could not wait
to get in here to you.Ó
ÒI
know. It was adorable.Ó Chapel heard the stomp of footsteps that
meant the boy and the cat were playing tag. ÒMalika missed him, too.Ó
ÒHe
thinks all cats are like her. You
should have seen AmandaÕs new cat hiss at him when he tried to play that game
with her.Ó Saavik looked up at the
ceiling as the footsteps increased in tempo, then let herself smile with what
seemed like relief.
ÒHell
being back there?Ó
She
nodded and closed her eyes. ÒI
never relax on Vulcan. I love being
with Sarek and Amanda, but I would prefer to do it here.Ó
ÒI
know.Ó Chapel got up and as she
passed Saavik, she laid her hand on her shoulder. ÒIÕm glad youÕre home.Ó
Saavik
smiled lightly. Upstairs a burst of
laughter escaped Saalen.
ÒHe
relaxes here, too, Christine. He
was on his best behavior there, and I think it was because Spock was
there—I have never noticed him trying so hard to be...Vulcan. It is ironic that Spock expects so much
more of him than Sarek does, is it not?Ó
ÒIt
is. SarekÕs mellowed. SpockÕs still trying to live up to
standards that donÕt even exist for him.
Hopefully heÕll realize his son is a child of three worlds and let him
be what he will be.Ó She let go of
Saavik and went to the kitchen to fix lunch.
##
Chapel
walked through the Embassy, passing the parlor where Amanda sat with Saalen,
reading some old text. Danke was sprawled at her feet, fast asleep. Amanda looked up as Chapel passed,
smiled, and went back to the book.
Saalen
glanced at Chapel and gave her a slow eye blink, which made her smile since
theyÕd just been talking about how Malika did that when she was happy with
them. That it meant, ÒI love you,Ó
in cat language. She blinked back
at him then left them in peace.
She
found Sarek in the library. ÒAm I
intruding?Ó
ÒNo.Ó He put aside the padd he was working
on. ÒPlease, sit. Talk to me.Ó
She
sat in one of his guest chairs.
ÒNot the most comfortable seating in the world.Ó
He
let an eyebrow rise. ÒI do not, as
a rule, want guests to linger.Ó
ÒPresent
company excepted?Ó
ÒOf
course.Ó He rose. ÒCome, these chairs by the fireplace are
far more accommodating.Ó
She
followed him, sat, and looked at the flames flickering through the mesh
screen. ÒA real fire.Ó
ÒIt
is a necessity in this climate. I
am often too cold here.Ó
She
smiled. ÒIÕm always so hot on
Vulcan.Ó
ÒAmanda
was that way at first. She still
has a few days of adjustment generally.Ó
Chapel
curled her legs up in the chair.
ÒSheÕs with Saalen. TheyÕre
so cute together.Ó She looked up,
met SarekÕs eyes. ÒI care for
her. Even though I know she prefers
Jim. I think I need to say that.Ó
ÒI
realize you care for her. She cares
for you, too.Ó
Chapel
sighed. ÒYour trip out to see me
last month—itÕs not the most comfortable thing having a secret like that,
you know?Ó
ÒWe
have many secrets from those we care about. We have access to more than they
do. Therefore, it follows that we
would have to keep certain things from them.Ó
ÒThis
is hardly eyes-only.
ItÕs...personal.Ó
ÒIf
you find it a hardship to keep it from her, then tell her, and I will deal with
the consequences.Ó
ÒThatÕs
just it. I donÕt find it a
hardship. ItÕs just...not what I
expected to be doing again.Ó At his
look, she managed a sheepish grin. ÒRoger
was my advisor—we had to be discreet. Then the thing with Jim and Spock.Ó
ÒAh. Of course.Ó
ÒAnd
itÕs not just Amanda weÕre keeping it from. ItÕs all of them.Ó
ÒI
was worried about you. I came to
check on you. Nothing more.Ó He was watching her very closely.
She
nodded. ÒWe had dinner, then you
left in the morning. Nothing to be
ashamed of.Ó
ÒIndeed
not.Ó
ÒNothing
to keep secret, either, Sarek. Not
if thatÕs all it is.Ó
ÒIf
that is all it is...Ó He pursed his
lips and leaned his head back against the soft leather of his chair. ÒI know this: I do not wish to speak of
it to her.Ó
She
sighed. ÒSo, we will not speak of
it, then. If you donÕt want to and
I donÕt want to.Ó
He
nodded, then rose, took a volume off his library shelf, and handed it to
her. ÒI found this. It is yours, is it not?Ó
She
saw it was a volume of poems. SheÕd
brought it for Spock for his birthday.
It didnÕt look as though it had even been cracked. ÒItÕs SpockÕs. I doubt he cares about it, though.Ó
He
sat down again as she leafed through the book. ÒThe poetry is quite lovely.Ó
ÒYou
read it?Ó
He
nodded.
ÒI
thought it was pretty. ItÕs why I
gave it to him.Ó
ÒMay
I ask a very intrusive question, Christine?Ó
She
nodded.
ÒDid
you love my son? Did you fight to
keep Spock because you wanted him or because you did not want Kirk to have
him?Ó
ÒTough
questions.Ó She shifted a little,
thought about the right answer.
ÒIÕve considered the issue.
On some of my more honest days.
IÕm not sure what the real answer is. I know the one I want it to be: I donÕt
want to be anything but a good person.
I want to think I loved him.
And part of me did, Sarek.
Part of me did—IÕm just not sure if I loved him enough. Maybe he knew that?Ó
ÒDid
you meld often?Ó
ÒAlmost
never.Ó She studied him, didnÕt see
any surprise in his expression. ÒIs
it normal to meld with a mate?Ó
ÒIt
is a personal choice. Not all
Vulcans choose to engage freely in them.Ó
ÒDo
you?Ó She laughed. ÒSorry, that was nosy of me. ItÕs none of my business.Ó
ÒI
will answer. Not generally. Sometimes, on occasions when extreme
closeness is wanted—or needed.Ó
A
sound of clomping feet sounded, and Saalen appeared, carrying Danke, who looked very put out.
ÒThat
poor cat. HeÕs used to a much more
robust one in Malika.Ó
ÒThe
cat will survive. She has
claws. If she disliked what he did
enough, she would scratch him.Ó
ÒTrue.Ó
Saalen
slung the cat over his shoulder as he sat down in front of them. She lay like a dishrag.
ÒIs
she purring?Ó Chapel asked him.
ÒYes. She likes me. She just pretends not to.Ó
ÒExcellent
practice for when you start to notice girls.Ó She smiled.
Saalen
lifted an eyebrow in a perfect imitation of his father and grandfather. ÒGirls are of limited utility.Ó
ÒMmm hmmm.
ThatÕs what you all say at first.Ó
Saalen
ignored her, but Sarek looked amused.
ÒDo
you remember your first love, Gramps?Ó she asked.
His
expression told her he knew she was trying to steer them back to less
emotionally laden ground. He nodded
and gave her a look that seemed a little sad. ÒShe is even now in the living room.Ó
ÒThatÕs
a lovely answer.Ó
He
nodded then looked away. ÒI will
leave you.Ó
She
got up before he could. ÒNo, we
barged in on you. Go back to your
work, Sarek.Ó She put her hand on
his shoulder. ÒYouÕre a good man,Ó
she said very, very softly, then she nudged Saalen with her knee. ÒCome on, kiddo. Bring the kitty and letÕs leave your
grandfather in peace. HeÕs an
important man with crucial work to do.Ó
ÒI
know. Both he and my father.Ó
Chapel
laughed. ÒNothing wrong with his
sense of family pride. At least on
the male side. What a shock coming
from a Vulcan.Ó She winked at Sarek
and eased Saalen out of the room.
ÒYou
are quite accomplished, too, Christine.
And IÕm sure my mother will be.Ó
ÒStop
while youÕre ahead, bucko.Ó She
gazed back at Sarek.
He
was watching her, an expression she couldnÕt read on his face.
She
turned around and followed her boy out.
##
ÒCommander
Chapel?Ó A womanÕs voice, young by
the sound of it.
Chapel
turned and saw a Vulcan woman studying her. A lieutenant. ÒCan I help you, Lieutenant...?Ó
ÒValeris.Ó
Ah. Chapel made her ÒIÕm a busy woman, what
do you want?Ó face that usually worked on just about everyone.
It
did not work on Valeris.
ÒI
was curious about you. I met
Saalen. Spock said you were raising
him. Since you are not related to
the boy in any way...Ó
ÒReally? YouÕre curious? Since when do Vulcans snoop?Ó
Valeris
gave her a little head tilt that no doubt was useful for making humans feel
stupid. But Chapel was a pro around
much tougher Vulcans than this woman.
ÒWell,
now youÕve seen me. Was there
more?Ó
ÒYou
donÕt like me, do you? Is it
because I am close to Spock and you no longer are?Ó
ÒHow
close are you?Ó Spock and Jim
couldnÕt have added a Vulcan woman as their new toy, could they?
ÒHe
is my mentor. I see him often. More often than his previous protŽgŽ
sees him, I think.Ó
ÒIs
this important to you? Did you have
a childhood lacking in affirmations?Ó
She moved closer. ÒWhat is
your game?Ó
ÒAs
I said: I was curious.Ó
ÒAnd
we both know Vulcans have great curiosity.
They usually let great courtesy go along for the ride, however.Ó She stood a little straighter. ÒDonÕt you have a job to do?Ó
ÒOf
course.Ó She handed Chapel a
padd. ÒFrom Admiral
Cartwright. He asked me to drop
this by for you.Ó
Chapel
could suddenly understand why this woman angered Saavik so.
ÒI
apologize if my frankness interfered with my efficiency, Commander. I will endeavor to control my curiosity
in the future.Ó Again the little
tilt of the head.
Chapel
gave it right back to her. Once
Valeris was gone, she looked at the padd—information she had been waiting
for—and sighed. Taking the
long way back to Ops, she stopped at SaavikÕs office. ÒI just met Valeris.Ó
ÒYou
have my condolences.Ó Saavik
studied her. ÒThatÕs what I grew up
with, Christine. That kind of
attitude.Ó
ÒIÕm
sorry. Truly. I had no idea any Vulcan could be
so—Ó
ÒBitchy?Ó
ÒYou
never would have used that word before you lived with me.Ó
Saavik
gave her an affectionate look. ÒThere
are many things I would not have done if I hadnÕt. I just got my schedule for the
month. IÕm traveling most of it.Ó
ÒNo
worries. Amy wants extra hours.Ó
ÒThank
you. If I havenÕt said it
lately. For taking Saalen. YouÕve done better than I could have
alone.Ó
ÒYou
would never have had to do it alone, kiddo. I mean that.Ó
Saavik
smiled quickly, then closed her eyes.
ÒIÕm tired of traveling. I
am relieved you donÕt do it as much as you used to. Saalen needs one of us home.Ó
ÒYes,
he does. Both of us would be good,
too. See if they canÕt schedule you
lighter next month.Ó At SaavikÕs
rueful nod, she said, ÒIÕll let you get back to work.Ó She tapped the padd she was
carrying. ÒI have some stuff to
look at.Ó
ÒVery
well. I will see you tonight.Ó
##
Chapel
watched the comms coming in on her special access
line. There had been radio silence
during the Khitomer Accords, but now that the thing
was over, messages were coming in like crazy.
Cartwright
a traitor? How the hell could
Cartwright be a traitor? He loved
the Federation more than anyone Chapel had ever met. How did such a good man get mixed up in
this? HeÕd been her boss, her
mentor, for so long. HeÕd groomed
her and—
Why?
And
Valeris. She laughed softly: Saavik
would be thrilled. Not just that
her dislike of the woman had merit—if not for the reasons she
thought—but also that Spock had been betrayed after heÕd chosen to
replace Saavik with a new protŽgŽ.
Although
Chapel didnÕt think it was really that simple. Trust was a two-way street, and Saavik
had lost SpockÕs, too, when she bypassed him and came to Chapel for help with
the baby. Not that Chapel blamed
her for that, but she could be realistic in who was at fault for the relationship
crashing and burning.
Captain
Lorcas came out of his office and walked over to
where she was sitting. ÒWhat do you
make of all this?Ó
She
looked up at him, trying to get a read on his reason for asking. It was well known she was one of
CartwrightÕs golden children. Was
she under suspicion, too?
But
Lorcas didnÕt look like he was digging—he
looked like he really wanted to know what she made of it.
ÒIÕm
not sure what to think. I looked up
to Admiral Cartwright.Ó
ÒA
lot of us did. This is damned
odd.Ó He let his breath out slowly,
as if that would help him consider the situation. ÒThings are going to be nasty for a
while. No oneÕs going to know who
to trust.Ó He gave a small
grin. ÒOther than the heroes of the
day—most of whom are your friends, I think?Ó
Friends. Ex lovers. Parents in common. She was suddenly very grateful she had
them on the other side of the equation.
Jan and Sulu, too. ÒTrust
Jim Kirk to find a way to make his last voyage a memorable one.Ó
ÒIs
he retiring?Ó
She
nodded. HeÕd told her he was the
last time she saw him. It hadnÕt
surprised her. What would surprise
her was him staying retired.
Spock
had never been involved with him when Jim was off the ship. He would not have fun once they settled
in to play house with no duranium hull under JimÕs
feet. Jim did not do well planet
bound.
Well,
let Spock find that out for himself.
##
Chapel
walked with Saalen to the embassy.
The guard nodded at them and they passed through without having to show
any credentials. Benefit of being
family.
ÒYou
be good while IÕm gone, yes?Ó
Saalen
nodded, already falling into his more Vulcan persona.
ÒKiddo,
just be yourself. Spock will like
you that way too.Ó
He
looked up at her, his eyes old for his age. ÒHe likes me better this way.Ó
She
sighed. ÒOkay. Whatever you think best.Ó She ruffled his hair since there was no
one to see. ÒIÕll be home in a
week. Go on. Go find your dad.Ó
Saalen
hurried upstairs.
As
she walked out, she saw Jim in one of the offices working on a terminal. ÒThought you were retired?Ó
He
looked up and smiled. ÒI am. Have to wave the flag one last
time. Send off Harriman.Ó He rolled his eyes.
ÒHow
he got that ship is beyond me.Ó
ÒAt
least itÕs not my Enterprise.Ó He smiled tightly, then turned off the
terminal and walked over to her.
ÒThe man is a moron.Ó
ÒNo
argument from me, Jim. I was
terrified they were going to give him Ops.
I might have felt safer if they had: the fucking flagship?Ó
ÒI
know. Snap decisions arenÕt his
forte.Ó
ÒWhat
is?Ó She grinned. ÒAre you okay going to this? You could say no, you know?Ó
ÒI
could. But itÕs a good time to get
away. Give Spock some alone time
with his boy.Ó
ÒSaalen
adores you. This isnÕt like it was
with Saavik.Ó
ÒI
know. But heÕs easy to love.Ó
ÒAnd
she wasnÕt?Ó
He
seemed to think about it. ÒI tried,
once, early on, to get to know her.
She only had Spock at first.
She was...possessive. Her
background—it didnÕt make sharing an easy or smart thing to do. We got off on the wrong foot and never
found a better one.Ó
ÒYouÕre
trying now, though. She seemed to
enjoy the last time she was here, with all of us.Ó
He
nodded. ÒIÕll keep trying. I do regret not getting to know her
better. One of the many things I
regret.Ó
She
looked down. ÒLike me?Ó
ÒNo,
not like you. Why would I regret
you? IÕm sorry we lost the
friendship we had when we took that next step. IÕm sorry we couldnÕt find our way back
to it when everything was over.Ó
ÒI
am, too. But you know why IÕve
stayed away. ItÕs less confusing,
for one thing, for Saalen. And itÕs
easier for me to steer clear of you and of Spock. Saner.Ó
ÒYou
still love us?Ó
She
shrugged.
He
looked down. ÒWe never did that
again—invited someone in.
Just so you know. It was
you. Only.Ó
ÒOkay. Thanks, I guess.Ó She wasnÕt sure what one said to a
statement like that.
ÒIÕm
just trying to...Ó He laughed
softly. ÒI donÕt know what IÕm
trying to do. But IÕm on Earth now
and you know how I get. Far better
than Spock does.Ó
She
nodded.
ÒIÕm
just saying this now. Before IÕm
too big a son of a bitch to admit it.Ó
ÒHey,
watch it. I fell in love with that
son of a bitch, remember?Ó She
sighed. ÒOkay, IÕm going to go. Have fun at the launch. Try not to show up Harriman—oh,
wait, you canÕt help it.Ó She winked
at him, and he laughed.
ÒBye,
Chris. IÕll see you soon.Ó
He
walked her to the door. She saw
Spock coming down the stairs with Saalen and lifted a hand to him, the small
polite wave theyÕd perfected over time.
Then she turned and left her boys in peace.
##
Chapel
trudged back into camp, was surprised to see a group of people gathered around
the comm system.
ÒWhatÕs
up?Ó she asked whoever wanted to answer.
ÒSomething
happened during the launch of the Enterprise
B. Captain Kirk is dead.Ó
She
steadied herself on the table. They
didnÕt know she knew him—most of these people were new. DidnÕt know her history.
DidnÕt
know she loved him.
ÒAre
you all right, Commander?Ó someone asked.
She
nodded and said, ÒIÕll be in my tent.Ó
She
sat on her cot and pulled out the hip flask she always brought with her on
these jaunts. She took a deep pull
and wondered when sheÕd lost the ability to cry for those she loved.
ÒYou
okay?Ó Jake Robinson poked his head
in. SheÕd worked with him for
years. ÒDid you know him?Ó
She
nodded and handed him the flask; he took a pull, then handed it back. ÒHe was my first captain.Ó She put the lid back on the flask. She did not need to get drunk and
maudlin—or too talkative. ÒIs
it confirmed? Did they find a
body?Ó
ÒThere
was no body.Ó
ÒWhat? Then how do they know heÕs dead?Ó
Robinson
sat down next to her. ÒThe ship hit
an energy ribbon of some kind.
Details are fuzzy. Kirk went
to modify the deflectors. There was
a hull breach where the energy ribbon hit the ship. It was right where he was working.Ó
ÒOh,
God. He always used to say heÕd die
alone. Was he alone?Ó
ÒYeah. He was.Ó
She
closed her eyes. ÒMy son is with
his father. Oh, this is the worst
time.Ó
ÒHis
father?Ó Robinson was clearly
confused.
ÒSpock
is his father. IÕm not really his
mom, more a grandma, I guess. I was
with Spock for a while. His mother
is—Ó
ÒSaavik. ThatÕs what I thought, but I went in the
wrong direction. I thought you two
were together. The way you both
refer to him as Ômy son.Õ Hell,
Christine, I would have asked you out a million times if I hadnÕt thought you
were living with your girlfriend.Ó
She
laughed, a half bitter, half amused laugh.
ÒNo, sheÕs sort of my daughter.
ItÕs confusing.Ó She met his
eyes. ÒI used to see Kirk,
too. For a while. Before I was with Spock.Ó Jesus, why was she being so honest? She reopened the flask—clearly
staying sober wasnÕt doing a damn thing, why not get some liquid numbness?
ÒThis
must really hurt, then. IÕll leave
you alone.Ó
ÒThanks,
Jake. For checking on me.Ó
ÒI
care about you.Ó
ÒAs
a friend.Ó She tried to keep her
expression the one that said, ÒDo not ask me out. Ever.Ó
ÒYeah,
Christine. As a friend.Ó He smiled sadly and left her alone.
ÒIÕm
sorry, Jim.Ó She closed the flask
and curled up on her cot. She was
sorry for Spock, too. CouldnÕt
imagine what he was going through.
And her boy. She wished she
could spare him, wasnÕt sure if Spock would shut down around him or not in the
face of this.
She
sighed. There was nothing she could
do from here, and she had the rest of the week to get through.
She
sent Saalen a comm message that said if he needed to
talk to someone, he could write her.
That she knew it was a confusing time. That she was very sorry she wasnÕt there
with him. And that she loved him
more than anything.
She
sent Spock a message, too. It said
only, ÒIÕm sorry.Ó
##
Chapel
beamed into Starfleet Command, reported to Ops for a quick debrief, and then made
her way to the embassy to get Saalen.
The guard waved her through and she hurried to the stairs, then heard
Sarek calling for her.
She
turned and walked into his library, saw that Saalen was there. The boy got up and barreled at her,
wrapping her in a tight hug. She
held on to him and met SarekÕs eyes.
ÒWhere
is Spock?Ó she mouthed.
He
shook his head and looked pointedly at Saalen. Then mouthed, ÒLater.Ó
She
crouched down and said, ÒHey, kiddo.
ItÕs okay.Ó
Saalen
wasnÕt crying—and she hadnÕt expected him to be—but there was
something so lost in his expression that she pulled him back in for another
hug. He whispered, ÒI kept thinking
of all the things that could happen to you.Ó
She
swallowed hard and said, ÒI know.
ItÕs scary to lose someone.
Makes you wonder how many others are going to go away, too.Ó
He
nodded against her.
ÒIÕm
here. IÕm right here.Ó She knew better than to promise nothing
would happen to her. Her job was
dangerous at times. But bad things
could happen on Earth, too.
Shuttles still crashed.
Diseases still took people before they were ready, even if there were
far fewer of them that proved fatal anymore.
ÒChristine.Ó AmandaÕs soft voice sounded from the
doorway. ÒIÕm so glad youÕre
back.Ó And she did sound really
glad. ÒSweetheart, why donÕt you
let Christine and your grandfather talk?
IÕve made you lunch.Ó
Chapel
let go of him and walked him over to his grandmother. ÒIÕm so sorry, Amanda. We all loved Jim.Ó
ÒI
know we did.Ó She sighed. ÒI guess I made my feelings about him
very clear, didnÕt I?Ó She gave
Chapel a rueful smile, then eased Saalen away and out of the library.
Chapel
turned back to Sarek. ÒSpock went
to look for him, didnÕt he? The
moment I heard there was no body...Ó
Sarek
nodded. ÒHe waited until we
arrived. He did not abandon
Saalen.Ó
ÒGood.Ó She sat down, then looked back where
Amanda had stood. ÒDoes she know
that Jim and I were close?Ó
ÒNo. Not unless Kirk told her.Ó
ÒI
doubt he would have.Ó
ÒWhy
do you ask?Ó
ÒI
donÕt know. I guess because it was
so long ago, and yet he meant so much to me. I left Spock and him—during the
time I lost my mindÓ—she gave him an embarrassed smile—Òbecause I
was in love with him and didnÕt want to share. I sought Spock out after Jim left
because I was mad heÕd chosen a woman who wasnÕt me. IÕve had time to think about it while I
was grieving the last week.Ó
He
nodded, as if this news was not unexpected.
ÒI
canÕt believe heÕs dead.Ó She
looked down. ÒI canÕt believe he
didnÕt die already given the risks he took.Ó She laughed a little bit
helplessly. ÒI donÕt know what I
believe.Ó
ÒYou
may believe anything you need to that helps you bear this.Ó
She
smiled. ÒEver the wise one.Ó
ÒNot
at all. Just able to see clearly
because I have distance from this.
James Kirk and I were never at ease around each other. He knew I favored you.Ó
She
nodded.
ÒI
am sorry for my son, though. He is
in a great deal of pain.Ó He looked
down. ÒAs is Saalen.Ó
ÒHe
loved Jim. Idolized him.Ó They sat in silence for a moment, then
she stood up. ÒI feel a very strong
need to be with my boy.Ó
ÒOf
course. And he needs to be with
you. You are the most important
thing in his life, Christine. He is
your son in truth if not by blood.
I do not know if you realize this.Ó
She
smiled at him. ÒI do. But thank you for reminding me.Ó
##
She
was home, Amy gone, Saalen fast asleep, Malika upstairs on the bed with
him. Chapel wandered the
downstairs, wishing Saavik wasnÕt traveling. Wishing she didnÕt feel so antsy. The newsvids
were still running—even a week later—documentaries on JimÕs life
and death.
SheÕd
forced herself to stop watching. At
least it didnÕt hurt all that much that she was never mentioned: sheÕd given up
thinking sheÕd played a meaningful part in his life.
Her
chime rang and she went to the door.
Spock stood on the other side.
He looked horrible.
Exhausted. Hopeless, she
thought. Had he really thought that
heÕd find Jim?
He
probably had. It was what made the
two of them different than she was.
They never gave up.
She
stood aside and let him in. ÒSit
down. When was the last time you
ate?Ó
He
shrugged and made a low sound she thought was supposed to be some kind of
answer.
ÒIÕm
making you an omelette.Ó She pushed
him toward the stools at the kitchen counter, and he didnÕt fight her but he
also didnÕt sit down. ÒNow, listen
to me and sit.Ó
As
she moved away from him, he grabbed her, pulled her back, into a tight hug.
ÒShhh, itÕs all right.Ó
She stroked his hair as if he was Saalen needing comfort.
ÒIt
will never be all right.Ó He eased
back, stared up at her, then pulled her down and kissed her.
ÒWhoaaaaa.
Spock, stop.Ó She wrestled
away from him.
ÒYou
slept with Jim when I died. He said
it was for comfort—you did, too.Ó
ÒAnd
it was a mistake. One I donÕt plan
on repeating.Ó She touched his
cheek. ÒIÕll make you dinner. IÕll dose you up with sedatives and let
you sleep in the guest bedroom. But
I will not have sex with you. ItÕs
not what you need—and itÕs not what I need, either.Ó She smiled at him sadly. ÒThe only way to get over this is to let
yourself feel it. IÕm sorry.Ó
ÒYou
do not feel what I do. You have had
more time to let him go.Ó
She
tried not to show him how much his statement hurt. ÒI have. I realize that. But that doesnÕt mean I never
grieved. Or that it wasnÕt painful
at the time.Ó Or that she hadnÕt
had anyone to help her get over it—it might be petty of her, but she was
not going to volunteer to help him at this point. Not through sex.
He
sighed. ÒI am hungry, you are
right. And tired. I have not slept since I left.Ó
ÒThen
let me help you.Ó She got busy in
the kitchen and made a mushroom and cheese omelette.
He
ate it quickly, and when he finished, murmured, ÒThank you.Ó He met her eyes. ÒJim used dill in his omelettes.Ó
She
usually did, too, after heÕd told her about his secret ingredient. SheÕd left it out on purpose: she was
not a substitute, not a stand-in.
Not again. ÒI know.Ó
He
nodded, as if he could see her logic trail and understood it. He rose. ÒI should go.Ó
ÒNo,
you should go upstairs to the guest room and get into bed. Maybe a shower first? ThereÕs a bathroom attached.Ó
ÒI
smell.Ó It was not a question; he
looked resigned to the fact.
ÒYes.Ó She smiled gently. ÒWhen youÕre done, leave the door
open. IÕll give you something to
help you sleep.Ó
He
nodded and got up. She followed him
upstairs, and he surprised her by veering off to open SaalenÕs door and stand
in the doorway, looking at his son.
ÒHe
loves you, Spock. He loved Jim,
too.Ó
He
nodded and she left him to his vigil, went and got clean towels, and put them
on the guest bed. Then she left him
alone.
As
she cleaned up the kitchen, she heard the shower running. When it was off, she went upstairs and
found her med bag, loaded up a hypo with a dose of sedatives and
restoratives. She saw his door was
open, so she went in and sat on the bed next to him.
He
looked helpless as she scanned him; he was okay other than exhaustion and
stress. She shot the hypo into his
arm and watched as he slowly relaxed.
Once
he closed his eyes, his breathing changing to that of sleep, she leaned in and
kissed him on the forehead. Then
she got up and left him, closing the door gently behind her.
She
went to the comm terminal in her bedroom, called the
embassy, SarekÕs private line.
He
answered it immediately. ÒAre you
all right?Ó
She
nodded. ÒSpockÕs home.Ó
His
eyebrows pulled down slightly. ÒI
have not seen him yet.Ó
ÒBecause
heÕs here.Ó At his look she added,
ÒIn the guest bedroom.Ó
ÒHe
came to you. Of course.Ó He nodded. ÒWill he be staying with you?Ó
ÒNo. Not past tonight. IÕll make that clear in the morning.Ó
ÒHave
you fully considered that?Ó
Even
over the comm channel, she could hear a myriad of
things in his voice.
ÒI
donÕt need to. I like being chosen
for myself. I lost that battle
eight years ago.Ó
ÒI
understand.Ó His eyes were full of
support. ÒI will let my wife know
Spock is home.Ó
ÒThank
you. Good night, Sarek.Ó She cut the comm
channel and went to bed, but sleep was a long time coming.
##
Chapel
was sitting in the embassy parlor with Amanda. Saalen was with his father, playing
chess in SpockÕs bedroom.
ÒI
want to clear the air between us, Christine.Ó Amanda picked up Danke,
cuddled her to her chest, and then let her go when the cat struggled to get
free. ÒI know that you resented me
for siding with Jim.Ó
Chapel
resisted commenting that clearing the air didnÕt normally start with pointing
out how the fault was with the other person. ÒAnd you resented me for getting Saalen
when you wanted to raise him.Ó
ÒI
did. ThatÕs true.Ó She sighed. ÒAs it turns out, you were the better
choice.Ó She handed Chapel a padd,
some medical test results were shown.
Chapel
studied them, then met her eyes.
ÒOh, Amanda. IÕm so sorry.Ó
ÒI
wonÕt see him past his next birthday.
That would hardly have been fair to him, leaving him like that, so I
guess itÕs good you got him after all.Ó
She took back the padd. ÒI
havenÕt been feeling like myself for a while. I just got these results, so now I know
why. IÕve told Sarek, but I donÕt
think itÕs fair to put this on Spock when heÕs still reeling from JimÕs death.Ó
Chapel
wasnÕt sure what to say, so she stayed silent.
ÒYou
donÕt approve?Ó
ÒItÕs
not my call. HeÕs not my son.Ó
ÒWhat
if it were Saalen?Ó
ÒSaalen
is seven. Spock is grown. They are hardly equitable
comparisons.Ó She got up. ÒYou donÕt need my permission to keep
this from Spock, Amanda. Nor did
you need to include me only to tell me not to say anything. And I donÕt think you really give a
goddamn about clearing the air between us.Ó
Amanda
leaned back, a small smile playing at her lips. ÒYou speak your mind, Christine. YouÕre so like Jim in that respect.Ó
ÒDonÕt. DonÕt do that to me. DonÕt try to play me.Ó
Amanda
got up and walked over to her.
ÒFine. Plain speaking,
then. Spock needs you.Ó
ÒYou
have got to be kidding. He chose
someone else. He was with me and he
left. And you donÕt even like me
that much.Ó
ÒI
do like you, Christine. And you and
Spock were quite happy when Jim was out of the picture. There is no reason to think you would
not be again.Ó She took ChapelÕs
hands in hers. ÒIÕm thinking of my
son here. I want him settled before
I go. I know you can understand
that because of how you feel about Saalen.
You would only want whatÕs best for him.Ó
ÒAnd
when the time comes, I hope IÕll let him figure out for himself whatÕs best for
him.Ó
Amanda
dropped her hands as if stung. ÒYou
loved Spock once.Ó
ÒAnd
he left me. What if Sarek left
you?Ó
ÒSarek
wonÕt.Ó There was something in
AmandaÕs expression. Something hard
that then turned sad. ÒBut I will
leave him, wonÕt I?Ó
Chapel
swallowed hard and turned away.
ÒDo
not say a thing to Spock.Ó
ÒI
got that part. And I wonÕt tell
Saalen, not until Spock knows.Ó She
turned back to look at Amanda. ÒIf
you need anything...medical—or that doesnÕt involve me going back to
Spock—you only need to ask.Ó
ÒI
appreciate that.Ó AmandaÕs face was
as stone still as any VulcanÕs.
ÒYou can tell Saavik. You
see her more than I do these days.Ó
Chapel
nodded then hurried out, trying not to look like she was fleeing.
##
Saavik
and Chapel were just sitting down to eat breakfast when Saalen came into the
house, followed by Spock. Saalen
mumbled something that sounded like ÒGood morning,Ó scooped up Malika, and ran
upstairs.
ÒIs
he all right?Ó Chapel looked at
Spock.
ÒI
had to tell him about my mother.Ó
She
exchanged a look with Saavik, who closed her eyes. ÒIÕm sorry.Ó
ÒYou
knew and did not tell me.Ó It was
clear that he was not asking—Amanda must have told him they knew.
ÒShe
asked me not to.Ó Told her not to
was more like it. Goddamn ordered
her not to.
ÒAre
you hungry, Spock?Ó Saavik was
watching him closely, as if she was afraid he was going to explode from the
losses he was facing.
ÒNo. I ate with Saalen at the diner Jim
loved.Ó
Chapel
got up and said, ÒIÕm going to check on Saalen,Ó and left them alone to
talk.
Saalen
was lying on the bed, stroking the cat as she lay draped over him. ÒWhy canÕt you fix Grandmother? YouÕre a doctor. SheÕs sick.Ó
Chapel
sat next to him and rubbed his arm.
ÒThere are limits to what medicine can do. Your grandmother has a disease we canÕt
cure.Ó
ÒAre
you going to get sick? You go to
planets where there are sick people.
They might have diseases you canÕt cure, too.Ó
ÒOh,
sweetheart, IÕm very careful. And I
donÕt go as often as I used to.Ó
ÒYou
shouldnÕt go at all. You should
stay here.Ó
ÒFor
a while, I will.Ó She leaned down
and kissed his forehead. ÒIÕm so
sorry. I was your age when I lost
the only grandparent I knew. I know
how confusing this is. Especially
after we lost Jim.Ó
He
nodded and petted Malika more roughly.
The cat just purred and stayed where she was.
ÒMalika
will die someday, wonÕt she?Ó
Chapel
nodded. ÒBut we take good care of
her and sheÕs a big, strong cat. She
has many years ahead of her.Ó
Saalen
turned, dumping Malika off as he curled into Chapel. She rubbed his back, and the cat crawled
back onto his side, purring very loudly as she kneaded his shoulder.
ÒIÕm
so sorry, sweetheart.Ó She stayed
with him for a long time, until he finally let go of her and said he was all
right. The Vulcan boy back in
place.
She
went downstairs and saw that Spock was gone.
Saavik
met her eyes. ÒIs Saalen all
right?Ó
Chapel
nodded. ÒHeÕs worried IÕm going to die.Ó
ÒBut
not me, is he?Ó She raised a hand
when Chapel started to answer.
ÒItÕs all right, Christine.
This is the way I wanted it.
That was a statement of fact, not dismay.Ó She got up and put her arms around
Chapel. ÒYouÕve been the best
mother I could want for him.Ó
Chapel
realized Saavik was crying, so she held her tightly and murmured, ÒIÕm sorry
about Amanda, kiddo.Ó
ÒMe,
too. I was horrible to her when I
first arrived on Vulcan. I donÕt
know why she kept trying, but she did.Ó
Saavik let her go, brushing her eyes impatiently, as if she wished she
hadnÕt cried. ÒI think IÕll stay
home with Saalen today.Ó
ÒI
think that would be a very good idea.Ó
She kissed Saavik on the forehead.
ÒHave
I thanked you? For taking me in,
for raising Saalen?Ó
ÒYes. But you donÕt have to.Ó
##
Chapel
looked down at the comm message Saavik had sent
her. ÒIt is over,Ó was all it said.
She
closed her eyes for a moment then walked up to SaalenÕs room. He was working on a heritage project his
social studies teacher had assigned.
It had been an interesting discussion when she had explained to him that
the fact that she was English and German didnÕt have any real relevance to the
project.
He
told her it did. That it colored
the environment, if not his DNA. He
sounded very like his father at times.
She had finally given up and let him include her background in the
family study.
ÒCan
you take a break for a minute, Saalen.
I need to talk to you.Ó
He
put his work down and came over to where she sat on the bed.
ÒSit
down, baby.Ó
He
looked down. ÒYou never call me
that anymore. ItÕs Grandmother,
isnÕt it?Ó
ÒYes. SheÕs gone, Saalen. IÕm so sorry.Ó
He
swallowed hard and leaned up against her.
ÒShouldnÕt we have been there?Ó
ÒThis
is how she wanted it.Ó Amanda had
told Chapel she didnÕt want Saalen to have to see her laboring for her last
breaths. That she wanted him to
remember her alive, not lifeless in her bed.
Saalen
turned and hugged her, and she wrapped her arms around him and wished just once
heÕd let himself cry. His mother
was capable of it—had probably cried when Amanda had passed.
ÒIÕm
sorry, baby. IÕm so sorry.Ó She realized she wasnÕt crying,
either—was that why Saalen didnÕt?
Because Chapel didnÕt let herself do it these days?
Was
she a bad influence on the boy?
He
looked up at her and said, ÒI love you, Christine,Ó in a voice that held a
world of sorrows.
ÒI
love you, too, Saalen. More than
youÕll ever know.Ó
##
Chapel
rushed into the house, saw Amy standing at the French doors that led
outside. ÒWhere is he?Ó
ÒOut
there. He came in when we were
having lunch. Just...went out into
the garden and sat down in the sun.Ó
ÒIÕll
take care of it.Ó
ÒSaalenÕs
worried about his grandfather. I
finally told him to go upstairs with Malika.Ó
ÒThat
was the right thing. Can you stay a
while longer? I may need to go with
Sarek back to the embassy.Ó
ÒI
can stay as long as you need me.Ó
ÒWhat
would I do without you?Ó
ÒHire
a different nanny?Ó Amy
smiled. ÒBut IÕm glad you hired
me.Ó
Chapel
saw Sarek get up and walk deeper into the garden, finally seeking shade she
hoped. She opened the door and went
out.
ÒYou
have no roses.Ó He didnÕt turn to
look at her; he probably knew her footsteps.
ÒNo. I never have any luck with them. This garden survives on its own, IÕm
afraid.Ó She walked over to where
he stood, gazing at her azaleas.
ÒShe
had a rose that color.Ó
ÒI
remember it. In the back corner of
the garden?Ó
He
nodded. ÒYou did not come often to
Vulcan.Ó
ÒI
know. But I remember the rose. Red Rapture I think was the name.Ó
ÒI
did not pay enough attention to them.
I do not know their names.Ó
She
stroked his back, felt him lean into her hand. ÒIÕm sorry youÕre hurting, Sarek.Ó
ÒThe
embassy seems very empty. Even
fully staffed.Ó
ÒI
know. Come inside where itÕs
cooler.Ó
ÒI
am Vulcan. I can stand the heat.Ó
ÒYes,
of course you can.Ó She was unsure
what to do.
He
stood staring at the flower. Then
he reached for her hand and held on tightly.
She
heard the door open, turned, and saw Saalen walking toward them. He came and stood on SarekÕs other side,
leaning against him, his head pressed into SarekÕs hip. Sarek reached down and put his hand on
SaalenÕs shoulder, rubbing gently.
ÒStay
and have dinner with us, Sarek.Ó
He
nodded but did not let go of her hand or of Saalen.
ÒGrandfather,
I need your assistance.Ó
She
frowned, unsure what Saalen needed help with.
Sarek
finally looked away from the flower.
ÒIÕm
working on a project for school. It
is on personal heritage. Where we
come from.Ó
Sarek
nodded.
ÒCan
you help me with the part on GrandmotherÕs family? I canÕt ask her now.Ó
Chapel
smiled as Sarek said, ÒYes. Yes, of
course I can.Ó
He
let go of ChapelÕs hand and followed Saalen in to the house. They disappeared upstairs as Chapel went
back inside.
ÒYou
donÕt have to stay, Amy. Unless you
want to eat dinner with us.Ó
ÒWhatÕs
on the menu?Ó
ÒNot
meat.Ó She grinned. ÒSpaghetti with eggplant maybe.Ó
ÒIÕve
been craving a burger. No offense.Ó
Chapel
smiled. ÒDonÕt worry: IÕm a
carnivore at heart. I just have
lived with Vulcans for too long.Ó
ÒIÕll
see you tomorrow. I hope SarekÕs
okay.Ó
ÒI
think he will be. ItÕs a hard time
for him. They were married so
long.Ó
ÒThatÕs
so rare. There are so many term
marriages nowadays, and they barely last a year, let alone get renewed.Ó
Chapel
nodded and saw her out, then got busy getting dinner ready. She could just make out SarekÕs voice
from upstairs, as he told Saalen about his grandmother.
##
Chapel
came into Ops from a meeting, saw Sarek talking with Captain Lorcas. Then he
turned and came out to where she was standing.
ÒHello,Ó
she said with a smile.
ÒGood
afternoon. Can you walk for a bit?Ó
ÒI
can. Would do me good. IÕve been sitting for two hours in a
very dull meeting.Ó
They
walked along the hallways of Command, and he finally said very softly, ÒI wish
to apologize for the other day.Ó
ÒThe
other day when you helped your grandson with his homework?Ó
He
glanced at her. ÒI should not have
burst into your home that way.Ó
ÒWhy
not. YouÕre on the door for a
reason, Sarek. Think of it as our
home, not mine.Ó
ÒNevertheless,
I—Ó
ÒWhatever
youÕre going to say, just stow it.
YouÕre family, Sarek. And
youÕre my friend on top of that.
Whatever drew you to the house, youÕre always welcome there. You know that. I love having you around, and so do
Saavik and Saalen.Ó
He
seemed about to say something and she held up her hand. ÒI mean it. No more apologies. If you have something else to say, then
go ahead.Ó
His
eyes lightened as he looked at her.
ÒThe fact that you will not entertain an apology is no doubt one of the
reasons I came to you.Ó
ÒIÕm
always here for you. Just like you
were there for me when I needed you.Ó
He
nodded and they walked a little before he said, ÒYour spaghetti the other night
was delicious. I have not had it
prepared that way before.Ó
ÒAll
in the same pan?Ó She laughed. ÒThatÕs what you end up with when
English/German people try to make Italian food. I didnÕt know there was any other way to
eat it until I got into high school.Ó
ÒThere
is a Vulcan dish that my mother used to make—she would have said the
proper way, but others less charitable would have said incorrectly. I still prefer teshanya
the way she prepared it.Ó
Chapel
smiled. ÒItÕs what we grow up with
that makes us who we are.Ó
He
nodded, then his expression changed.
ÒIf I were to tell you how she changed the recipe, would you prepare it
for me?Ó
ÒWhat? You think just because I mess up
spaghetti, I can properly mess up anything?Ó She laughed. ÒYes, I would be happy to. ItÕll be good for Saalen to try it, if
itÕs something...native to your family.Ó
He
nodded. ÒThank you for transforming
my nostalgic, emotional request into a learning experience for my grandson.Ó
ÒOh,
I can rationalize anything, Grandpa.Ó
She took his arm for a moment, then realized they were not alone in the
hallway and let of him quickly.
ÒIÕm sorry. I donÕt know
what I was thinking.Ó
ÒI
did not mind, Christine.Ó His
expression was untroubled as they continued their walk.
##
Chapel
was getting SaalenÕs bag ready for a weekend with Spock. Sarek was in the living room with the
boy, giving advice on the science project that Saalen had half completed. She could hear their low voices
murmuring, the sound soothing to her.
Saalen had been asking SarekÕs advice ever since the heritage
project—as if he knew that he was helping his grandfather and at the same
time getting invaluable assistance.
Win, win: the family way.
She
walked out to where they were. ÒDo
you know where your father is taking you, kiddo?Ó
ÒJimÕs
house in the mountains.Ó Saalen
looked up at her. ÒFather seems sad
when weÕre there.Ó
ÒIÕm
sure he is, sweetie. He loved Jim a
lot.Ó
ÒI
did, too.Ó Saalen went back to his
project, leaving Sarek and Chapel to exchange a wry look over his head.
ÒDo
you approve of the route he took with that project, Sarek? I thought it was highly original.Ó She loved seeing Saalen gravitate so
naturally to science. TheyÕd had a
great time discussing possible topics before heÕd settled on one.
ÒIndeed. Most interesting.Ó
The
chime sounded, and she went to get it, smiling at Spock as she led him into the
living room.
He
looked surprised to see Sarek there.
ÒFather.Ó
ÒMy
son.Ó Sarek leaned down, said
something softly to Saalen, then more loudly, ÒGo now. Your father is waiting.Ó
Saalen
put his project into a cabinet where Malika wouldnÕt bother it and said, ÒThank
you for your advice, Grandfather. I
had not considered those possibilities.Ó
ÒIt
was most enjoyable to consult with you.Ó
ÒGet
your bag, kiddo. ItÕs in your room.Ó As soon as he was out of the room, she
turned to Spock. ÒAre you sure
going to JimÕs is a good idea?Ó
ÒAntonia
will not be there.Ó
ÒThatÕs
not what I meant. WonÕt it make you
sad? And is that the mood you want
to be in on a weekend with your son?Ó
He
raised an eyebrow. ÒThinking of
what one has lost can induce negative feelings. But I will endeavor not to let those
spill over into my interactions with my son. The house is located on a beautiful
ridge and Saalen enjoys hiking. It
seems...appropriate for us to go there together.Ó
ÒItÕs
your call.Ó
He
moved closer. ÒI would like to talk
to you in a more private manner when I return. If that is agreeable?Ó He glanced over at Sarek, as if
embarrassed to be asking her this in front of him.
ÒFine.Ó She turned as Saalen came out with his
carryall. ÒBe a good boy for your
father.Ó
He
nodded solemnly. ÒPlay with Malika
when I am gone? She will get
lonely.Ó
ÒAs
will I, young man. What about me?Ó
ÒGrandfather
will keep you company.Ó He leaned
against her briefly, then headed for the door.
ÒGo,Ó
she said to Spock. ÒTime waits for
no man and neither does your son.Ó
Spock
looked amused as he nodded to both her and Sarek before taking off after
Saalen.
She
sighed as the door closed behind them.
Then she heard Sarek come up behind her.
ÒWe
must talk.Ó
She
turned; he was standing very close.
ÒI—Ó
ÒI
misspoke. I must talk. You must listen.Ó She let her eyebrows go up and he added,
ÒPlease?Ó
She
nodded and let him lead her to the sofa.
He took a seat next to her.
ÒChristine,
I must know something. I saw
interest on SpockÕs part just now.
Does that make you...happy?Ó
ÒJust
because he wants to speak to me in private does not mean heÕs interested.Ó
ÒI
know my son. Answer the question,
Christine. It is a simple one.Ó
She
met his eyes. ÒWhy do you want to
know?Ó
ÒYou
are too intelligent to ask that.
The connection between us is not something I have imagined.Ó He rose and paced to the window, just as
he had the night heÕd come to her on Starbase
Twelve. ÒThis is not how I would
have preferred to broach this. It
is too soon after AmandaÕs passing for my words to be proper. But I did not like what I saw on my
sonÕs face. That said, if it is he
who you desire, I will remove myself from the equation.Ó
ÒRemove
yourself? YouÕre SaalenÕs
grandfather.Ó She got up and walked
to where he stood.
ÒI
do not come here merely for Saalen, and we both know it. I could be here less often, find myself
off Earth more frequently.Ó
ÒI
would not like that,Ó she said quickly, and he turned to look at her.
ÒYou
would not?Ó
She
shook her head.
ÒI
dishonor my wife—the strength of the desire I have for you. The...emotion.Ó
ÒSo
weÕll wait until you wonÕt dishonor her.Ó
He
narrowed his eyes, then moved toward her.
ÒI find that solution untenable.
Spock will move, and I will not have claimed you.Ó
ÒClaimed?Ó She let an eyebrow go up, a grin playing
at her lips.
He
stopped very close to her. ÒA poor
choice of words, I realize, with a human.
Yet...it is how I feel.Ó
She
touched his face, and he closed his eyes for a moment. ÒYou feel primitive?Ó
He
nodded.
ÒYou
want me?Ó
He
nodded again and reached out for her, touching her face gently.
ÒYou
love me?Ó
ÒI
have always. Although I am not sure
when regard for you as SpockÕs mate changed to this.Ó
ÒMaybe
when I stopped being his mate?Ó She
smiled and pressed against him, smiled more broadly when she heard him
moan. ÒDo you want to wait? IÕll do whatever is best.Ó
He
had his eyes closed. ÒI do not want
to lose you.Ó
ÒHe
left me, Sarek. He left me for
Jim. You have never abandoned
me. Why would I ever choose him
over you?Ó
ÒBecause
you love him.Ó
ÒIs
that why you asked me how strongly I felt for him, that time in your
library? You wanted to know if I
could love you?Ó
ÒPossibly.Ó
ÒI
already love you. I always
have. And like you, IÕm not sure
when you stopped being a father-in-law, started being a man I could imagine
being with. Could fantasize
about.Ó She murmured the last bit
in his ear, pressed against him.
He
pulled her close, held her very tightly.
She felt his lips on her neck, then he whispered in her ear, ÒWe must
wait. The period of mourning is
prescribed by ritual.Ó
ÒOf
course.Ó She eased away from him.
He
brushed the hair off her face, studied her intently. ÒI did not tell Amanda that I loved her
often enough for her needs. I will
not make the same mistake with you.Ó
She
put a hand over his lips.
ÒDonÕt. I had a Vulcan who
told me he loved me. Right up to
the moment he left me for another. Show me you love me—donÕt say
it. I donÕt care about the words.Ó
ÒMost
wise. And most Vulcan.Ó
ÒI
am not that.Ó
ÒI
do not mind.Ó He eased away from
her. ÒAlthough we must be
circumspect, I would still like to spend time with you alone. There is a new exhibit at the art
museum.Ó
ÒAnything
you want.Ó She smiled at him, saw
him seem to relax. She thought it
was at the pure joy in her expression.
ÒAnd
dinner. At any restaurant you
desire.Ó
ÒI
guess here in the apartment is out?Ó
She grinned.
ÒDespite
how good your teshanya was, staying here is not an
option. I would not be able to
honor the period of mourning were I to be alone with you in private for very
long.Ó
ÒYou
want me that much?Ó
He
nodded. Then he looked away. ÒBut perhaps you do not feel the same
zeal. If that is the case then you
must—Ó
He
stopped talking because she was kissing him. At first, she thought he was shocked,
but then he pulled her to him, his mouth opening, his touch more possessive
than SpockÕs had ever been.
They
finally pulled away.
ÒThat
enough zeal for you, Gramps?Ó She
laughed softly.
ÒIndeed.Ó He touched her lips, tracing the shape
of her mouth, and his expression was so light, so unguarded, it made her feel a
rush of tenderness for him. ÒWill
you persist in calling me that when we are lovers?Ó
ÒProbably.Ó She grinned. ÒUnless you ask me very nicely not
to. Or think of other things I
might like enough to give up that nickname.Ó
ÒI
will consider the best thing to offer.Ó
ÒYou
do that.Ó
##
Chapel
was making dinner when she heard a flitter pull up outside, the sound of the
door opening, then the pound of familiar feet.
ÒMalika,Ó
Saalen called and a trilling miaow answered him back from
the upper level.
ÒNice
to know where I rate, kiddo. Below
the damn cat.Ó
ÒHello,
Christine. I missed you.Ó
She
laughed and went back to cooking.
ÒI,
too, have missed you.Ó
She
nearly burned herself in surprise, turning to look at Spock. ÒA little notice. A cough. Anything?Ó
ÒI
apologize. I did say I wanted to
speak in private.Ó
ÒSo,
weÕre doing this now?Ó
Spock
moved into the kitchen, leaned against the counter at the side of the stove,
the same place he used to stand in their apartment. ÒI have missed you.Ó
She
could feel herself tensing. ÒSince
when? Since you left or just since
Jim died?Ó
He
didnÕt flinch, just nodded as if heÕd been expecting an attack. ÒI regret that I could not stay with
you.Ó
ÒDid not stay. You could have.Ó
He
looked down. She had the feeling he
was becoming frustrated with the way the conversation was going. Had he thought she could be so easily
manipulated? A few heartfelt ÒI
miss youÕsÓ and sheÕd be his again?
Because
the problem was, sheÕd been his, but heÕd never been hers. And she wasnÕt about to forget that.
ÒYou
know I miss him, too,Ó she said.
ÒYouÕre not the only one who lost someone when Jim died.Ó
ÒI
am aware of that.Ó
She
turned the flame off the stove, put a lid on the pan to keep the food
warm. ÒWhy are you here?Ó
ÒBecause
I was bringing my son back to you. My son.Ó
ÒYes. HeÕs your son. And IÕve never done anything to
jeopardize the relationship you have with him.Ó
ÒHave
I told you how much I appreciate that?Ó
ÒDonÕt
tell me now. I donÕt trust your
motives.Ó She leaned back and
crossed her arms over her chest.
ÒWhat do you want?Ó
ÒI
remember our time together with warmth.Ó
ÒAnd
I remember my first kitten with warmth.
But sheÕs gone and sheÕs not coming back. You should embrace that concept.Ó
ÒAre
you with McCoy again?Ó
ÒSpock,
leave this alone. Who I see or
donÕt see is not your concern.Ó
Which wasnÕt strictly true since it was his father she was seeing, but
she had a point to make and she was damn well going to make it.
ÒSaalen
would be happy if we were together.
It would provide...stability.Ó
ÒProvide? As in itÕs been missing? Listen, bucko, I was the one who stayed
on Earth. IÕve been here for him
while you were out gallivanting around the cosmos with Jim. And when I wasnÕt here, Saavik was. Or your father and mother were. Saalen has stability—itÕs you who
donÕt.Ó
He
finally looked angry—and like he was seeing that he was not going to win
this one. ÒI was in the boyÕs life
as much as I could be. I included
him with Jim—I did learn from my mistakes with Saavik.Ó
ÒYes,
you did. And IÕm not saying youÕre
to blame for your choices. But
donÕt you dare imply that he hasnÕt had a stable life. HeÕs happy, and heÕs well adjusted, and
IÕve made considerable effort to ensure he stays that way.Ó
There
was the stomp of feet upstairs and then Saalen came down and went into the
living room, followed by his striped brown shadow.
She
turned back to the stove, getting the flame going again and taking the lid off
the pan. ÒIÕve got to get dinner
on. IÕd invite you to stay, but
IÕve only made enough for two.Ó
Spock
looked at the pan, which held enough food for four people. ÒI see.Ó
ÒThank
you for dropping Saalen off. I
canÕt wait to hear what you two did.
From him, I mean. Not from
you.Ó
ÒYes. Your meaning was not lost on me.Ó He looked into the living room, and she
could tell he was watching Saalen.
ÒWas what I did so terrible, Christine? I chose another, but you were always
important to me.Ó
ÒI
donÕt want to be the runner up, the one who gets to wear the crown now that the
real winner canÕt fulfill his duties.
IÕm sorry, but I just canÕt do that again.Ó
ÒThere
will be no Jim to interfere.Ó His
voice was off, as if even he knew he was putting forward a weak counter.
ÒSpock,
go away.Ó She stirred the food,
concentrating on the simple rhythm, trying not to say something sheÕd regret
forever.
She
heard him sigh. He stood a moment
longer, then he left.
##
ChapelÕs
comm panel pinged as she was getting ready to leave
Ops. She rushed to get it, sure
that it would be Commander Dhonna with information
sheÕd asked for.
It
was Sarek. SheÕd seen him
quite often since their talk—and their kiss—but always with Saalen
there, or in public if they were alone.
He was honoring AmandaÕs memory the way his traditions required, and
Chapel liked that. Respect was
important to him.
She
grinned at him. ÒTo what do I owe
this pleasure?Ó
ÒI
have been invited to a diplomatic function at Admiral JohnstonÕs. It will be tedious. Would you like to accompany me?Ó
She
started to laugh. ÒIs that your
normal wooing technique? Because it
needs work.Ó
ÒWe
understand each other, do we not? Do
I need to couch it in terms of romance?Ó
She
thought about that. What had
romance done for her that plain speaking couldnÕt? ÒNo, itÕs fine. So IÕm going as your...?Ó
ÒCompanion.Ó
ÒI
was looking for the word Ôdate.Õ
But IÕll accept companion.
Dress uniform?Ó
He
nodded. ÒThe admiral assumed I
would come alone. I told him I
would be bringing you. Was that
presumptuous of me?Ó
ÒUh,
yes.Ó She grinned at him. ÒYouÕre lucky I like you, Sarek.Ó
ÒI
am indeed. I will pick you up at
your house at six.Ó
ÒSee
you then.Ó She cut the channel,
then commed her house. Amy answered, laughing as she did
so. ÒOh, Christine. WeÕve been playing catch.Ó
ÒInside?Ó
ÒNo,
of course not.Ó She rolled her
eyes. ÒWhatÕs going on?Ó
ÒCan
you stay late tonight? I have a
function to go to.Ó
ÒSure. Could use some extra
credits—thereÕs a dress I have my eye on.Ó
ÒThank
you. YouÕre my hero. IÕll be coming home to change and then
IÕll be out of your hair.Ó
ÒI
think I might take Saalen to my house, if thatÕs okay? JackÕs in town for training, and I
havenÕt seen much of him. Saalen
adores him. I can bring him back
tomorrow after work.Ó
ÒSounds
great. Tell your brother I said
hi.Ó
ÒHe
told me to tell you thanks for the recommendation to the Excelsior.Ó
ÒIt
was the least I could do. For you,
for saving my life so many times.
And for the Fleet, because heÕs a great officer.Ó She saw another comm
alert, maybe this one was Dhonna. ÒGotta go.Ó
ÒSee
you tomorrow. Saalen, get your bags
packed. WeÕre going to see
Jack.Ó She cut the comm channel as she yelled, and Chapel smiled at her
boisterous good humor. Saalen was
in good hands.
She
changed to the other comm, got the information she
needed from Dhonna, and sent it on. The rest of the morning went by in a
blur and she grabbed a nutrition bar for lunch.
Saavik
came in near shift change, smiling at her as she stood near her station. ÒDo you want to get some dinner
tonight?Ó
ÒCanÕt. Going with Sarek to some diplomatic
thing.Ó
SaavikÕs
smile turned into a full-on grin.
ÒGoing with him. Or with him?Ó
ÒNever
let it be said you havenÕt mastered the subtleties, my darling. If I say it might be the latter, would
you disapprove?Ó
ÒDisapprove
that the two people I love most in this world are spending time together? No, I would not disapprove. I expect details.Ó
ÒThat
seems wrong. HeÕs like your
grandfather.Ó
ÒNevertheless,
I would like to know if it went well.
I do not need a play-by-play.Ó
She looked extremely pleased, and Chapel suspected it was at the use of
the word.
ÒGood,
because youÕre not going to get it.Ó
She turned to face her. ÒI
was afraid you might be still rooting for Spock and me.Ó
ÒHe
left you. Had he come back to you
while Jim was still alive, I would have accepted it happily as the way things
should be. But I do not think you
should take him back now that Jim is gone.
I believe it would bother you.Ó
ÒYouÕre
not wrong.Ó She leaned back. ÒHe made an attempt. I wasnÕt receptive, so I donÕt think
heÕll try again.Ó
ÒImagine
how awkward it will be for him if you become his stepmother.Ó Saavik looked like the idea of Spock
being uncomfortable made her a little bit happy.
ÒBe
nice.Ó
ÒI
am being nice. I could be much more
vicious if I chose. Lunch tomorrow,
then. You can tell me whatever you
deem acceptable to share with me.Ó
Another small smile and then she was gone.
##
Sarek
was right on time, but she was ready—these days she could put on a dress
uniform in her sleep. SheÕd taken a
little extra time with her makeup and hair, and though he did not compliment
her, she thought by the way he studied her that he noticed.
The
flitter ride was too quick to worry about small talk, so she leaned back and
enjoyed the ride, the silence between them easy instead of strained. Just before they arrived at JohnstonÕs,
she said softly, ÒAmy took Saalen to her house tonight.Ó
Sarek
looked at her, his eyebrow going up.
ÒJust
making conversation.Ó She grinned
at him. ÒFile it away or ignore
it. Whatever feels best.Ó
He
nodded as if sheÕd said something very wise, and helped her out of the
flitter. ÒI believe I do not wish
to ignore this news.Ó
ÒNo?Ó
ÒNo.Ó
ÒOkay,
then.Ó She started to laugh softly
as she walked next to him. This was
the least romantic romance ever.
But
if that was so, why did she suddenly feel so aroused?
Sarek
was very solicitous and didnÕt leave her side, which was great until they ran into
Spock at the other end of JohnstonÕs large living room.
ÒFather.Ó SpockÕs eyebrows came down as he studied
them together. ÒI am surprised to
see you here, Christine.Ó
ÒShe
is with me, Spock.Ó Sarek said it
very mildly, as if he was saying EarthÕs sky was blue. And yet there was somehow still a
declaration in there. And a
warning.
Hands
off.
It
made her very happy.
She
gave Spock her blandest smile.
ÒItÕs good to see you.Ó As
soon as he mingled out of ear range, she turned to Sarek. ÒYou didnÕt say he would be here.Ó
ÒI
was not privy to the guest list, Christine. Does it bother you for him to see us
together?Ó
ÒNo. I just thought IÕd get some notice.Ó
ÒIf
I had known, I would have told you.
It is useful, in all honesty, for him to see us this way. Do you not think so?Ó
ÒYou
mean itÕll save you from having to explain that youÕre dating his ex?Ó
ÒI
would have found another way to phrase it, but yes.Ó His eyes were light. ÒI enjoyed that interaction with
him. Does that make me petty?Ó
ÒYes.Ó She grinned. ÒBut also ruthlessly efficient. You came, you grabbed the girl, you put
him on notice.Ó
ÒAnd
in Latin that is vini...?
She
laughed. ÒI have no idea. If itÕs not a medical or biochem term, my Latin is rusty.Ó She leaned in just a little. ÒSo far, this is not tedious.Ó
ÒI
agree. With you here, it is not.Ó
Spock
seemed to avoid them during the evening, which made it easier for Chapel to
relax with Sarek. She wasnÕt sure how
Sarek did it, but he managed to make it very clear he was with her without ever being anything other than the perfect Vulcan.
ÒWe
have done our duty,Ó he said, gently steering her toward Johnston. ÒAdmiral, a pleasure as always.Ó
ÒThank
you for coming.Ó Johnston grinned
at her. ÒNice to see you, too,
Christine. Oh and rumor has it you
might want to polish your bureaucracy skills.Ó
ÒSir?Ó
ÒWith
Cartwright running off the rails, thereÕs likely to be some movement in the
upward direction. Lorcas is on the admiralÕs list
thatÕs coming out tomorrow—donÕt tell him, I want it to be a
surprise. HeÕs a shoe-in to take
CartwrightÕs place.Ó
ÒSo
acting head again, huh?Ó She made a
face.
ÒDonÕt
be so quick to put acting in front of the title. CaptainÕs list is coming out tomorrow,
too.Ó He winked at her. ÒWell, IÕll quit yammering and let you
two get going.Ó
As
she and Sarek headed for the door, Sarek murmured, ÒCongratulations are in
order.Ó
ÒI
guess so. IÕm in shock.Ó She smiled up at him. ÒBut a good kind of shock.Ó
He
nodded, and looked very proud of her.
She was glad heÕd been there to hear it.
Spock
was suddenly in front of them.
ÒFather, you are leaving?Ó
ÒAs
you say, my son.Ó
ÒPerhaps
I should come with you?Ó
ÒNo
need to trouble yourself.
Stay. Enjoy the
evening.Ó With a subtle push on her
elbow, Sarek had them moving by Spock and out the door.
ÒWow,
you just completely outmaneuvered him.Ó
ÒI
am older and less bound by worry that I will be too human when I pursue what I
want.Ó
ÒTrue
enough.Ó She grinned at him. ÒI didnÕt mind.Ó
ÒI
am sure you did not.Ó He hailed a
flitter. ÒDo you wish to eat?Ó
ÒWould
you think badly of me if I said no?Ó
ÒI
would think you highly logical in not wasting time on an activity in which you
have no interest.Ó
ÒThen
color me logical, kind sir.Ó
He
programmed her address into the flitter screen, then sat back. ÒI, too, have little interest in
dining.Ó
ÒYeah?Ó
He
nodded, did not look at her, but there was something about the set of his mouth
that in a human would be a grin.
Then he turned to study her.
ÒI enjoyed taking you from my son.
I should examine that at some point.Ó
ÒOr
not. You two have a rather
competitive relationship at the best of times.Ó
ÒAnd
these are not the best of times?Ó
She
thought about that. ÒIf he wants me
back, itÕs because IÕm comfortable for him. Not because he canÕt stand the thought
of not having me.Ó
ÒAre
you certain? I believe he did care
for you deeply.Ó
ÒNot
deeply enough. And I donÕt want to
go back there and grab him instead of staying with you. I think that says it all, doesnÕt it?Ó
He
nodded.
ÒAre
you having second thoughts?Ó she asked.
ÒNo. I merely do not want you rushing into
something you may regret later.Ó
ÒItÕs
been over a year since you came to Starbase Twelve,
Sarek. And thatÕs when everything
changed for me. So, as far as IÕm
concerned, weÕve hardly rushed into this.Ó
ÒLogical.Ó
ÒI
can be. For once logic and love may
coincide.Ó
ÒMost
fortuitous.Ó He helped her out of
the flitter once it pulled in front of her house, followed her to the door.
ÒYou
can open it. You know youÕre on the
access list.Ó
ÒI
did not want to appear overeager.Ó
She
grinned. ÒOpen the damn door,
Sarek.Ó
ÒAs
you wish.Ó He palmed the door
open.
Once
inside, they stood facing each other, and he reached out and very gently traced
the curve of her cheek. She closed
her eyes and sighed softly as he moved to her lips, his fingers gentle.
ÒYou
love me.Ó He looked very satisfied,
and she could tell he was reading that from the touch.
ÒI
love you in so many ways, Sarek.Ó
She touched his hair, then let her fingers drop to his ear.
He
groaned. ÒAnd I love you.Ó
ÒI
know.Ó She moved closer, pressed
against him.
He
pulled her to him, no longer gentle, drawing her with him to the couch. He sat and pulled her onto his lap, his
lips finding hers in a sweet kiss that quickly turned more passionate, more
possessive. ÒYou are mine.Ó
ÒAnd
youÕre mine?Ó
He
nodded with no hesitation as he began to ease her uniform top off.
ÒThat
sounds wonderful.Ó
##
Chapel
woke to the feel of SarekÕs hand on her leg, stroking, then moving higher. She laughed in an exhausted way. ÒYouÕre insatiable.Ó
ÒYou
make me so.Ó
He
said the nicest things. She smiled
and closed her eyes, giving herself up to his hands and mouth. Moaning loudly, she rode it out as he
took her higher and higher and finally let her fall. Then he was inside her, moving
carefully, his eyes pressed shut as he called out her name over and over. The word clear and never in doubt: ÒChristine. Christine. Christine.Ó
She
dug her nails into his back just enough to feel good, but not to leave
marks. SheÕd discovered last night
that he seemed to like it—he seemed to like anything she wanted to do to
him.
He
collapsed against her, and she wrapped her arms around him and rubbed his
back.
ÒYou
will be late for work at this rate,Ó he finally murmured into her neck.
She
laughed.
Downstairs
she heard the door slam, then the pound of running feet. ÒChristine?Ó
ÒCrap.Ó What was Saalen doing here?
Sarek
was off her in record time, but she could tell he was unsure what to do, so she
said, ÒJust lie there like you have every right to be in the bed.Ó
He
pulled the covers up over them just as Saalen rushed into the bedroom through
the door they hadnÕt bothered to close.
ÒHello,
grandfather,Ó he said, then focused on Christine. ÒJack is going to Mount Shasta to
hike. He said I could go as long as
you said it was all right. Jim used
to go hiking.Ó
ÒJim
used to go rock climbing.Ó
Saalen
shook his head. ÒThis is just
hiking, no climbing. Jack promised
IÕd be safe. Please?Ó
She
saw how excited he was, thought it wouldnÕt hurt for him to be around a human
male. ÒFine.Ó
ÒThank
you. Amy says hello.Ó Saalen turned to go, then looked
back. ÒGrandfather, are you all
right?Ó
ÒJust
fine, child.Ó
ÒYou
seem quiet. When I sleep over with
my friend Rodney, we talk all the time.
Okay, bye.Ó He was off.
She
could feel Sarek relax beside her and she started to laugh. ÒI think we should be grateful heÕs such
an innocent.Ó
ÒI
worry, though, that Saavik will hear about this from him.Ó
ÒSaavik
wanted to go to dinner last night.
I had to tell her no.Ó
Sarek
shot a look at her.
ÒDonÕt
worry. SheÕs a fan of us. She and I are having lunch. IÕll avoid giving her the gory details,
but IÕll tell her things have changed, howÕs that?Ó At his careful nod, she asked, ÒDid you
think sheÕd be mad?Ó
ÒShe
has always been a advocate for you and Spock.Ó
ÒEven
she can see this is a better deal.Ó
She pushed him to his back.
ÒNow, where were we?Ó
He
relaxed under her touch. ÒRight
there, I believe.Ó
##
Chapel
looked up to see Spock standing at the doorway to her new office. Things had moved quickly once she made
captain—she was head of Ops for real.
ÒCongratulations
on your promotion, Christine.Ó
ÒThanks.Ó She didnÕt like the look in his eyes,
like he was...angry.
ÒIs
this a convenient time to talk?Ó
ÒDepends
on what you want to talk about.Ó
She didnÕt smile, didnÕt try to make it easier for him. She was done being welcoming Christine,
especially when he looked like he did right now.
He
came in and sat down. ÒI wish to
speak of you and my father. As you
well know, my father and my mother had a long and happy marriage. He has recently lost her and is somewhat
adrift. He may see you as a
welcoming...Ó
ÒPort
in the storm?Ó
ÒYes. I worry that you have jumped into yet
another relationship.Ó
She
tried to bite back a laugh, failed when it came out as a soft snort. ÒAnd youÕre a better choice for me? Is that what youÕre here to say?Ó
ÒWe
were happy together, Christine.Ó
ÒI
know. ThatÕs the hell of it. But part of the reason we were happy is
because I got Saavik and Sarek. And
wonder of wonders: youÕre gone but theyÕre still here.Ó She leaned in. ÒMoreover, everything you just said
about Sarek could describe you.Ó
ÒI
realize that but—Ó
ÒWhat
I have with your father is none of your concern.Ó
ÒIt
is when my son finds the two of you in bed.Ó
She
hoped to God she wasnÕt blushing.
ÒHe told you that, huh? Did
he also tell you that we were having a sleepover? HeÕs too young to understand. He also, in his mind, sees me to some
extent as his grandmother. Sarek is
his grandfather. It probably makes
sense to him that weÕre together.
HeÕs taken it in stride since that morning. And I never intended for him to see us:
he was supposed to be at AmyÕs. He
rushed in because Jack was going to take him hiking if I said it was okay.Ó
Spock
looked down. ÒYes, he told me that
part.Ó
ÒThen
whatÕs the problem? You mean to
tell me he never caught you and Jim in less than optimum circumstances? Because I remember a story about him
bursting into the bathroom and seeing you two showering together.Ó
ÒHe
told you about that?Ó
She
nodded. ÒKids do impulsive
things. They see things. They donÕt usually understand what
theyÕre seeing. End of story. Your father and I will be more careful
from here on out as IÕm sure you and Jim were more careful.Ó She leaned back, crossed her arms over
her chest. ÒHave you talked to
Sarek about this? Told him how IÕm
not suitable or how he is not in the correct frame of mind to form a meaningful
relationship?Ó
ÒI
have not. It would get me
nowhere. He made it very clear the
last time I saw him that you are with him.Ó
ÒThen
whatÕs the problem?Ó She smiled,
and knew it wasnÕt a very nice smile.
ÒIs it that you just donÕt like knowing how Len felt.Ó
His
expression grew stony. ÒYou never
loved McCoy. You did love me. I hurt you when I left.Ó
ÒAnd
I knew youÕd hurt me. I knew you
wouldnÕt choose me. Now I have
someone who is choosing me. And IÕm
secure with him. I trust him.Ó She let the unsaid part dangle: that she
didnÕt trust Spock. Would never,
ever trust him with her heart again.
Then she uncrossed her arms and smiled gently, could tell the change in
her threw him a little. ÒLook,
weÕve done a good job up to now raising your son. Me, you, Jim, Saavik, Sarek, and your
mother. ItÕs been unconventional,
but heÕs used to that. IÕm proud of
him. Sarek and Saavik are too. ArenÕt you?Ó
ÒMy
feelings for my son are not at issue here.Ó
ÒThey
are if you use him against me because you donÕt like me being with your
father.Ó
He
shook his head and stood up. ÒI
would not do that. He is an
exceptional child. You have had a
hand in his development, and I am aware of the debt I owe you for that. You did not have to raise him, probably
would have preferred not to.Ó
ÒDoesnÕt
matter what I would have wanted. I
have him and I love him.Ó
ÒYou
had me and loved me, too, Christine.Ó
ÒLook,
I get that youÕre at loose ends.
You lost your lover, your mother, and your protŽgŽ in one fell
swoop. IÕm sorry for that. But IÕm not your savior, Spock. I canÕt be. You left me. When it mattered most, you left me. And the fact that I knew you would
doesnÕt change the hurt you caused.Ó
ÒSo
you will not forgive me?Ó
ÒI
have forgiven you. I forgave you
the minute I agreed that youÕd be part of SaalenÕs life—and didnÕt try to
turn him against you in any way.
But IÕm not going to forget it happened. And IÕm certainly not going to take you
back. Find a new person to
love. IÕm taken.Ó
He
looked down. ÒThis will be most
awkward at functions and dinners.Ó
ÒNo
more than it has been with me there solely as SaalenÕs foster mom. This time I have a role. Your fatherÕs woman.Ó
ÒNot
his wife?Ó
She
shrugged. ÒThatÕs up to him. I donÕt care. I didnÕt care with you, why would I
pester him about that?Ó
ÒIf
he loved you, he would marry you.Ó
She
could feel her jaw tighten. ÒIÕm
very busy, Spock. Was there
anything else?Ó
He
stood and studied her. ÒYou belong
with me.Ó
ÒAs
second best? No thank you.Ó
##
Chapel
lay in bed, trying not to let the conversation with Spock play in her
head.
ÒWhat
is it?Ó Sarek asked softly. He was
staying over more and more. They had
sat down with Saalen and explained how things were between them—in the
most general way, of course.
SaalenÕs main question was if he would see his grandfather more with
this new arrangement, and the answer that he would had pleased him greatly.
ÒChristine?Ó
ÒI
had a weird talk with Spock today.Ó
ÒWhat
did he say?Ó
ÒA
lot of bullshit.Ó She glanced at
Sarek to see if he would wince at her swearing; he took it in stride.
ÒIf
it was, in fact, that, why does it have you so pensive?Ó
ÒLetÕs
drop it, all right? He was just
trying to spin my head.Ó
ÒAnd
he clearly succeeded. Christine,
tell me what he said that has you so upset.Ó
She
shook her head.
He
pulled her to him and kissed her, moving down her neck to her chest, making her
arch her back as he went to town on her breasts. ÒTell me.Ó
ÒThatÕs
not fair. I canÕt think when you do
that.Ó
ÒThen
you will be too distracted to give me a creative excuse rather than an
answer. Tell me.Ó
ÒHe
said that if you really loved me IÕd be your wife.Ó
Sarek
stopped what he was doing and moved back up where she could see his eyes. His were untroubled. ÒYou are not my wife because I have not
asked you yet. That does not mean I
am not going to.Ó
ÒYou
donÕt have to.Ó
ÒI
want to. You belong at my
side. As my wife. I am not my son, content to let you
dangle while I consider my options.
You are my only option. You
are the only thing I want.Ó He
kissed her, was unusually tender.
ÒI had not asked you as we are still finding our way together. But I will ask you now, if you
wish. I do want to marry you,
Christine. I have wanted you for
some time, and that desire has not waned with the having, as so often is the
case.Ó
She
smiled. ÒNo, it hasnÕt.Ó She reached down and began to play with
her favorite part of him.
He
put his hand over hers, stilling her movement but not pushing her off. ÒI care for you deeply. I would like to make this a permanent
arrangement. If you wish
that?Ó When she did not answer, he
said, ÒI realize the way I said that is not romantic in human terms, but I did
just ask you to marry me.Ó
She
laughed. ÒI know.Ó
ÒAnd
your answer?Ó
ÒYou
love me. YouÕve been in my corner
since the beginning. I donÕt have
to doubt with you. I donÕt have to
question who comes first in your heart.
I love you. I should say
yes. But I donÕt want you to think
you have to marry me just to shut Spock up.Ó
He
looked amused. ÒA rather drastic
step for what would be, at most, a temporary state of affairs—my son
cannot remain quiet for long.
Especially if I am involved.Ó
She
grinned and conceded that fact with a nod.
ÒI
will do this in a way that is perhaps more convincing.Ó He began to move his hand over hers, and
she tightened her grip on him, causing him to close his eyes. ÒWould you...consent to...marry me,
Christine?Ó
She
paused in what she was doing. ÒIÕm
sorry, Gramps, the words are swell, but you cannot propose while IÕm giving you
a hand job.Ó
ÒThen
I will ask later. Please continue.Ó
She
nuzzled his neck as she pleasured him.
ÒTypical boy.Ó
##
The
embassy was full of people Sarek considered close colleagues. She had invited her friends as
well. This was their first party
given jointly. They mingled
together, Sarek making it very clear how important she was to him by the attention
he paid her.
Len
came up to them with Nyota beside him.
Neither of them looked particularly friendly. Chapel regretted Jan and Sulu being out
on their ship—it would have been nice to have someone from the Enterprise here who still approved of her.
ÒNice
shindig, Christine.Ó LenÕs eyes
were bland, the acid kept down—for now.
ÒI
made sure your favorite bourbon was stocked.Ó Then again his favorite bourbon was a
lot of peopleÕs pick so it hadnÕt been that big a deal. He didnÕt need to know that,
though. Let him think sheÕd made an
effort for him.
ÒMuch
appreciated.Ó He nodded to
Sarek. ÒSir, I trust you prosper?Ó
ÒI
do.Ó Something in SarekÕs voice
told her he was knew about Len, even if heÕd never mentioned her relationship
with him. What hadnÕt he read from
that damned meld with Jim? ÒWe do.Ó
ÒAh,
we.Ó Len grinned at Ny. ÒThereÕs a we, sugar. How do you like that?Ó
She
gave Chapel a hug. ÒJust be
happy.Ó There was something in her
voice that said she didnÕt think Chapel would be, or could be. Or was Chapel projecting?
ÒI
am happy.Ó She wanted to give them
both an easy smile, a happy-go-lucky one.
But there was something in the way they were looking at her that didnÕt
feel easy or lighthearted. She
straightened up. They didnÕt
matter. Not anymore.
ÒWeÕll
let you mingle,Ó Len said. ÒThank
you for inviting us.Ó
Sarek
nodded, then turned his attention immediately to others waiting to talk to
them. She smiled, knowing he was
doing that for her. Showing her
that her friendÕs approval was inconsequential to him.
She
would make it inconsequential to herself, too. He was wise.
She
saw Spock come in. He spoke with
Len and Ny for a moment, then walked over to Sarek and her.
Sarek
spoke before he could. ÒMy son, you
have met she who will be my wife?Ó
It was the first time heÕd mentioned their engagement, and there was a
ritual formality to the question.
She saw SpockÕs face tighten as he turned to Sarek.
ÒI
did not realize you had—Ó
ÒWhy
should you, my son? I did not see
the need to obtain your advice prior to asking the woman I care for to marry
me.Ó His eyes were hard, and
Christine was surprised at what a clear message he was sending to Spock. That he knew what Spock had said to
her. That he did not like what
Spock had said to her.
That
she and he had no secrets. And that
he was willing to couch things in almost human terms to make a point.
ÒI
offer congratulations. She is a
woman of fine character.Ó Spock
glanced at her.
She
smiled at him, knew there were a lot of things he could have said in place of
that. Things that might have
embarrassed her and Sarek. But he
had chosen to temper the anger she could read on his face. The anger Sarek had caused on purpose.
It
was a damn good thing she no longer cared very much about being a force for
peace between them.
ÒSaalen
is upstairs, Spock. He wanted you
to see the model heÕs building. He
said youÕd appreciate it. I confess
I didnÕt.Ó She gave him the
sweetest smile she could. The one
that said, ÒIÕm sorry. This is how
it is now, but we donÕt have to make it painful.Ó
As
Spock nodded and headed toward the staircase, Sarek murmured, ÒYou are kind,
Christine.Ó
ÒYes,
I am. ItÕs my failing.Ó
ÒI
do not find it so. I was, perhaps,
hard on him just then.Ó
ÒYou? On him?Ó She laughed softly. ÒNever.Ó
ÒUnlike
my son, I will never share you.Ó
His tone made it clear he was entirely serious.
ÒI
consider that fabulous news.Ó She
saw Saavik come in and grinned at her.
ÒCome say hello to our daughter.Ó
At
his look of surprise, she said, ÒIn her heart, sheÕs always had two fathers,
Sarek. Spock and you. DidnÕt you know that?Ó
He
made a considering face. ÒI did
not. I have not always been a
successful father to my sons. It is
agreeable to think I did better with her.Ó
ÒSome
families are made, not born.Ó She
smiled, then leaned in as if to tell him a secret. ÒI am very lucky I found my way into
yours.Ó
His
eyes were soft and indulgent as he said, ÒNo, Christine, I am the fortunate
one.Ó
FIN