DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are
the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2011 by Djinn. This
story is Rated R.
Tainted
by Djinn
"Commander."
Kirk slid onto the stool next to Chapel, ignoring the televid
replaying the Khitomer accords and him saving the
day. "I know why I'm in this dive. Why are you?"
"Same reason
as you."
"You don't
know what my reason is."
"No, sir, I
don't. Moreover, I don't care what your reason is."
"Ouch." He
looked over at the bartender and gestured for the man to refill Chapel's glass.
"Smitty, give her the good stuff."
She smirked. "How
do you know I'm not drinking that already?"
"Because
you're too surly to be drinking good hooch." He slid closer. "Tell
Uncle Jim what's bothering you."
She turned to look
at him, fixing him with the glare that he'd been seeing since she'd signed on
his ship as a nurse. Only she'd never fixed it on him with quite so much venom
before. "Tell 'Uncle Jim'? Are you fucking kidding me?"
She got up—waiting,
he couldn't help but notice, until Smitty filled her
glass—and stomped off to a booth in the dimness at the back of the bar.
"Nice
girl." He grinned at Smitty. "She been here
long?"
"Depends on
your definition of long."
"Tell me how
long she's been here and I'll tell you if it fits."
"Place like
this, people can stay as long as they want." Smitty
moved closer. "If, say, they want to come in every night, all night, for a
week, and drink a whole lot of real alcohol, that's fine with me."
"Understood. Also,
worrisome." He downed his drink, nodded for another, then downed that too.
"Okay, wish me luck."
"You're on
your own there, bud."
Kirk stood, pulled
his uniform jacket down, and walked to where Chapel was sitting. "Uncle
Jim has left the building."
"Well, thank
God for that."
"Can I
sit?"
"Who are you,
sir? Captain Kirk? Or just Jim." She pointed her glass at him, sloshing it
a bit. "Because you've never been just Jim to me." She pointed at the vid screen and laughed, the sound terribly
bitter. "Will they ever give that a rest?"
"Must be
hard."
"What must be
hard?" She stared up at him, eyes gone steely.
"Your
friends. Deported to Q'onoS."
"Yeah, that's
hard."
He motioned for
her to scoot over, then sat down gingerly. "It's hard for me, too."
"Riiiii-iiiight." She threw back her drink. "Get
me another."
"Your tone
could use some work."
She leaned in, her lips pressed against his ear. He could feel each
word spelled out on his skin as she said, "Get me another goddamned
drink."
"I think
you've had enough. I think—" He stopped, primarily because she was
nuzzling his neck. "I uhhh, I uh
think...shit!"
She'd bitten him.
He reached up—no
blood, but his ear hurt like hell. "What's wrong with you?"
"I'm toxic. Didn't
you know?" She moved closer, would have been in his lap, if the close
confines of the booth had allowed it. "Haven't you heard...my friends were
traitors? My best friends were
traitors. What does that make me, Captain?"
He met her eyes. "Betrayed."
"Guess
again." She ran her hand down his leg. "Three months ago, I had my
pick of assignments. Good—plum, even—assignments. Now? Now I couldn't get on a
garbage scow. I'm not betrayed in the eyes of those who matter, sir. I'm
suspect."
"Tainted."
She nodded. She
rested her hand on his groin, moving up and up. "I can see it in your
eyes, too. You're not sure of me."
"That's
because you just bit my ear and now you have more important parts of me under
your control."
She pulled back,
as if that hadn't been what she expected, then she started to laugh. Letting
him go, she slid away from him.
"You didn't
have to do that on my account." He winked at her, trying to make it as
lighthearted as he could.
"Yeah, I
did." She closed her eyes and sighed loudly.
He reached over,
rubbed her neck, and heard her groan. "Give it time, Chris. The suspicion
will die down."
"Will
it?" She moaned softly as he hit a knot in her muscles. "I can't even
get a date for happy hour."
"Well, no,
not when you come to this shithole." He laughed softly.
"Why do you come here?"
"Smitty doesn't ask questions. Nobody here tells tales about
what goes on. Or bothers me. Nonstop vids notwithstanding."
She turned and met
his eyes. "Do you believe I was involved?"
"One of my
best friends was involved and I had no idea. I can't really say how deep it
might go. But do I believe you were involved or believe you might have been?
Certain degree of wiggle room in the latter."
"I don't want
wiggle room. I want to be trusted." She closed her eyes. "I was
Cartwright's favorite. Valeris was my friend. Colonel West...I dated him."
She laughed softly. "Is it any wonder I'm damaged goods?"
"Is now a
good time to point out that sitting in here drowning your sorrows and being
angry is maybe not the best way to put the rumors to rest?"
"I know."
She leaned back. "Do you have any idea what it's like to walk into a group
of people—your peers, even your friends, in many cases—and have them all clam
up? Have them all look at you like you're something that disgusts pond
scum?"
Kirk was suddenly
back on Starbase Eleven, under suspicion of killing
Ben Finney. "Actually, I do." He shook his head. "I didn't enjoy
it when it was me they were looking at that way."
"What made it
stop?"
"Vindication.
Acquittal. The truth." He smiled. "Spock."
"Saving the
day." She looked down. "For you, anyway." She set her hand very
gently on his thigh. "Let me out, okay? It's past this girl's
bedtime."
"Do you want
me to walk you home?"
"I'd only
embarrass myself by trying to get you upstairs."
He smiled gently. "I
might not mind."
"You don't
trust me. I can't sleep with you if you don't trust me."
"Well, we
don't have to sleep." He gave her his most hopeful look and was happy when
she laughed softly. "Oh, all right, have it your way." He slid out of
the booth, watching her walk away.
At the door, she
turned and smiled. He thought she mouthed "Thanks," but it could have
been anything.
Smitty set a glass in
front of him when he walked back up to the bar. "On the house."
"Thanks for
calling me."
"She's good
people. She deserves better."
"You're good
people, too, Smitty. Even if you hide it in this pisshole of a bar."
"Hey, this pisshole is my livelihood, Jimbo."
Smitty shook his head. "Damn shame about
Cartwright and West and the others. Who'd have thought it? I remember when you
all used to come in here and raise hell. Good thing you saved the day out
there, or you might be the one under suspicion, not her."
"Yeah." Kirk
glanced up at the vid, at his never-ending story of heroism. "Damn good
thing."
##
Chapel was nearly
too drunk to be walking, let alone making her way down the VIP corridor of the
visiting officer's quarters. After she left Jim in the bar, she'd used accesses
she was frankly surprised she still had to find Spock's room.
She checked the
numbers in front of her, just a few more and...there. She
practically fell on the door chime.
Spock opened it,
looking as annoyed as a Vulcan could look. His expression changed when he saw
her. Wariness. Of her. Of her associations?
He'd hurt her
friend. Uhura had told her how he'd hurt her friend.
"I need your
help, Spock."
"It is
late."
"You're not
usually the stater of the obvious." She tried to push past him, but he was
making like a rock. "I need"—she pushed some more but still got
nowhere—"your help."
He stared down at
her, his face giving nothing away.
"Okay, I'll
make this easy for you. I want you to do to me what you did to my friend. I
want you to reach in and ravage my memories until you find what isn't
there."
She moved closer
and reached down the same way she had with Kirk, only Spock caught her hand and
murmured, "Christine, do not."
"I need you
to help me."
"Why should I
help you?"
"Because
Valeris betrayed me, too. She left me here, to face this, and I'm innocent. And
no one believes it." She felt him start to move aside. "No one wants
to hear I didn't know anything about the conspiracy."
He pulled her into
his quarters and eased her onto a bench in the entryway. "Christine, I am
not going to meld with you."
"You have to.
You can prove me innocent. And Kirk will believe you. And he'll talk to the
CINC, and I'll be fine."
"You are
drunk." He frowned. "Have you been with Jim?"
"Not in the
biblical sense." She met his eyes. "Can you smell him on me?"
"Yes."
"Does it
bother you?"
He didn't answer
but something in his eyes told her it did.
"If you're
such a bloodhound, shouldn't you have been able to smell something amiss with
Valeris?"
"Not unless
she was also sleeping with her coconspirators." He leaned against the wall
and watched her.
"I just want
you to help me. The way you did the captain when Doctor Lester took his body. The
way you always do. Please." She was annoyed to find she was crying.
"Come." He
took her hand and pulled her up, then led her down the hall. The VIP room
turned out to be a VIP suite. With a spiffy second bedroom. "Go to
sleep."
"Will you
help me? Will you meld with me?"
"No, but
especially not in the state you are in now."
"Why not? I
can't hide anything. I'm drunk." Not so drunk she couldn't leave Kirk when
she'd really wanted to do more with him. Not so drunk she couldn't get herself
home. But drunk enough to not be able to lie in a meld. Especially not if he
hurt her the way he had Valeris.
She leaned against
the doorjamb. Did she want him to hurt her the way he had her friend?
"I didn't
have anything to do with it, Spock. Command put me through umpteen levels of
lie detectors and had empaths read me, and everything said the same thing: I'm
innocent. But no one believes that. They think I'm hiding something. They think
I'm that good at lying. The others hid the conspiracy. So why not
me?"
He moved closer
and brushed her hair off her cheek.
She eased his
fingers onto the meld points. "Please?"
"You do not
understand. I melded with Valeris. Often. We were lovers." He took a deep
breath. "I thought I had all of her at these fingertips, and yet she kept
something that important—that evil—hidden from me. When I forced the truth from
her, I nearly destroyed her. I cannot do that to you, too." He eased his
fingers off her face. "I am sorry."
"You were in
love with her?"
He nodded.
"She never
told me."
"She
undoubtedly knew you had feelings for me."
"I probably
let that slip. But I'd moved on—given up, or whatever you want to call
it."
He turned her,
pushing her gently toward the bed. "Good night, Christine."
He stepped out of
the room and closed the door behind him, leaving her in peace. She lay down on
the bed, sure she wouldn't sleep. Sure she'd be sick. Or
if not sick, stuck in this whirling mess that was her head, that was the worry,
that was the exhausted feeling of knowing she was something no one wanted
anymore. She closed her eyes, sure that trying to sleep would be futile.
Instead, she slept
like a baby.
##
Spock saw Jim
coming toward him down the corridors of Starfleet Command and waited for him.
"We need to
talk," Jim said, taking his arm just long enough to turn him back down the
corridor the way he had come.
Spock knew the
futility of telling his friend he had been on his way somewhere. Jim had the
look of a man with a project.
Spock suspected he
knew what the project was.
"So Chris spent the night with you."
"She slept in
the other bedroom of my suite, yes."
Jim seemed
surprised. "You didn't have sex with her?"
"That was not
what she was after." Spock turned them down a less popular corridor. If
Jim was going to be quite so candid, he would rather they had less of an
audience. "Would you mind if I did sleep with her, Jim? I was not aware
that you and she were—"
Jim held up his
hand. "We're not. Or we weren't. But last night. It was...interesting. Which
is why I followed her, I guess. To make sure she got home all right. But that's
not the point, although if you did have sex with her, you should tell me
because I may pursue this."
Spock was unsure,
as ever when his friend was in this whirlwind thinking-out-loud mode, how or
even if he should answer. So he stayed silent. He was not opposed to the idea of Jim
and Christine together. The Enterprise
was being decommissioned. The Enterprise
B would be launched in less than a year. Barring the return of V'ger, his
friend was not getting the ship, although he sometimes suspected Jim was
scheming.
Christine might be
good for Jim. He would certainly be good for Christine.
And yet... Spock
had felt something for her last night. Something that was not love but was not
pity, either. He had wanted to help her and would have if it was not so
dangerous an idea, the kind of meld she had suggested. He had left Valeris
reeling. He had hurt her and the last time he had seen her in the detention
center, she still was not back to anything approaching normal. How much worse
would he hurt a human if he went deep enough for her not to be able to hide the
truth?
And his control
was shaky at best right now.
"You're doing
an awful lot of thinking, old friend." Jim was watching him with a puzzled
grin.
"Christine
asked me to meld with her, the way I did with Valeris. To get to the truth and
clear her name."
Jim's grin faded
quickly. "You could have killed Valeris. I almost made you kill her."
Spock nodded
slowly. They were in this together. Jim had asked; Spock had delivered. Answers.
Truth. Conspiracy. And nearly the end of a splendidly facile mind.
"Chris was so
tight with all of them."
"She was Valeris's friend, possibly her best human friend. I would
have a very hard time forgetting that if I were to meld with her." He
looked down. "I am still...angry with Valeris."
"Well, of
course you are. She played you for a goddamned fool. You and me and the whole
lot of us. But especially you." Jim leaned against the wall and folded his
arms over his chest, one foot up and resting on the wall, like they had all day
to talk about this. "Were you in love with her? I was never sure."
"Yes."
"Marry-her
type of in love with her?"
Spock nodded.
"Wow." A
long silence as they both found other places to look. "Why didn't I know
that?"
Spock met his
eyes, unsure if this was a rhetorical question or if his friend really wanted
them to discuss their relationship in a not-quite-empty corridor of Command. But
Jim's eyes were the kind of wary they always turned when matters of the heart
were about to be broached, so Spock took a deep breath and said, "I was
not sure how you would feel about my impending union."
"Not sure? Have
I ever given you reason to not be sure?" Jim kicked off from the wall and took
a step away, then turned back, whip fast. "I'd have goddamned hated it,
and you know it."
Spock looked down.
"And yet you bring up Christine. And yet you indicate you have interest in
her."
"Maybe
because you do. Or maybe because I do. Or maybe because what's happening to her
is so goddamned unfair."
"We both know
that she may have been part of this conspiracy, Jim."
"And we both
know she may not have been." Jim started to pace. "She was right. Coming
to you. She had the right idea."
"No, I cannot
keep control and—"
"What if you
could? What if you had someone to ground you?"
Spock shook his
head. "You think you will stabilize me? You?" Had he been human, he
would have laughed, and that laugh would have been bitter.
For all the times Spock
had left Jim, Jim had left him, too. Deserted him for Antonia, then had the
brief affair with Doctor Taylor after the trip back to Earth to find the
whales. Looking back, Spock wondered why Jim had not spent that time
reconnecting with him. And most recently, he had a string of women as seeming
counterpoint to Spock's defection to the diplomatic side of the Fleet—and to
Valeris.
What was Christine
in all this? Another in a string? Or something different.
A pawn? Or the
cement that might hold them together finally if they did not kill her in the
process?
And was not cement
but a pawn of a different sort. Neither moved of its own accord. Neither had
autonomy.
Neither loved
life.
A whimsical
thought. His mother's influence came out at the oddest times.
"I do not
think it is wise to try to help Christine."
"I'm going to
talk to her. I'm going to explain the risks. And...that
there might be a mitigator."
"You."
"Me."
"Will you be
holding this conversation in bed?"
"I'm not
sure." Jim's smile managed to be both rueful and the slightest bit mean.
"There are
times, my friend, that I wish I had stayed at Gol."
The words hit just
as he intended them to. He spun on his heel and left Jim standing alone, a
familiar look somewhere between anger and hurt on his face.
##
Kirk took a deep
breath then pulled the persona that was "Captain James T. Kirk"
tightly around him. He needed it. Chris needed it.
He stepped into
the doorway of Emergency Ops. Stood a moment, as if considering whether to go
in.
A hush fell over
the place. It was nice—and it got old fast. Hero worship. Hatred. All rolled
into one.
Chris looked up,
and he saw her quick surprise, covered up by something harder, her face
expressionless as he walked over to her, ignoring everyone else.
He thought he saw
fear flicker in her eyes. Did she think he was going to out her afterhours
habits?
"Free for
lunch?" he asked, just loud enough that everyone close could hear what
he'd said.
Again a flicker, this
time of surprise. "Sure." Her voice was normal. Strong. As if they
always went to lunch. As if he always hijacked her day. "Just let me send
this comm and I can go." Her hands were shaking; he hoped it wasn't an
important comm.
He turned and
surveyed the room as if this didn't feel like the lion's den. How many of these
people had been involved in the conspiracy? Was the woman he was going to lunch
with involved? He glanced at the empty office—Cartwright hadn't been replaced
yet—and tried to keep his expression neutral.
"Okay." Chris
stood up and walked ahead of him through the line of stations to the door. She
seemed to sag as soon as they cleared the space.
"Have to gird
up for work?" He glanced at her.
"I don't know
who's a friend in there."
"Must be
tough."
"Tough
doesn't begin to cover it, sir."
"Jim."
She shot him a
look. "Right."
"No, I'm
serious. Call me Jim."
"I may be a
traitor."
"Well, then
we'll be on first-name basis—enhances the betrayal factor." He took a deep
breath and tried not to show her how angry he was from his conversation earlier
with Spock. "Jesus, Chris, just call me Jim already."
"Fine, Jim. Whatever
you want." She slowed. "You don't have to do this."
"I'm hungry. You
need to get out of there. And being seen with me will do wonders for your
reputation. Well, in certain ways...in others, it may hurt it." He grinned
at her and was relieved when she smiled back. "So
to that end, we are going to the executive mess and we are going to be seen together, my dear."
"Thank
you."
"I should
tell you something. I followed you last night."
"I know. You
weren't very stealthy."
He laughed. "Guess
you learned something in your escape and evade classes, huh? In my defense, I
was fairly drunk."
"So was I. And
I still saw you." She smiled, but the happy expression didn't last. "I
didn't go there to seduce him."
"I know. He
told me why you were there. Well, he didn't volunteer it, but once I made it
clear I knew you'd been there..."
"You're
awfully interested in what I'm doing. It's a little creepy. Also
I'm not sure it's about me."
He ignored her. "There's
a way to make the meld safer than it was for Valeris."
She was clearly
all ears, creepy worries forgotten.
"You need an
anchor, if you will. Someone else in the meld who can help guide Spock, keep him
out of trouble, emotionally speaking. Keep him from hurting you." He took
a deep breath. "You need me."
To his surprise,
she didn't question his assertion, just thought for a moment, then asked,
"Is there any danger to you?"
"Probably
not. Spock and I have melded in the past. I'm not a new presence in his
mind." He immediately regretted the last bit, saw it hit home as her
expression closed down.
"I shared
consciousness with him, Jim. I think
I've got you beat on that score, carrying his mind around with mine."
"Is it a
contest?"
"Didn't you
just make it one?"
"I didn't
mean to." The doors to the dining hall loomed. "Hold that thought
until we get past the main course, all right? We need to be seen having a good
time, not an intense and potentially angry conversation."
"I'm not
capable of having a good time right now."
"Then we'll
spend the meal imagining the brass in their underwear. I don't care what we do
as long as you find a way to smile." He let her go in front of him, slid
his hand down to the small of her back, that area that denoted possession in a
way few other things did.
It was probably
stupid to make it look like she was his. It might not help her reputation. Then
again, unlike Spock, he wasn't known for sleeping with the enemy. Unless doing
so got his ship out of danger, and since he was currently ship free...
"That feels
good." She glanced back at him, her smile
surprisingly real.
"For me,
too."
She turned back
and he felt something change, like she'd dropped a forcefield that had been
around her and let him in a little.
They managed to
laugh through lunch, mostly by going through memories of their time on the Enterprise: the funny things, the silly
things, the happy moments. She remembered a lot more than he expected—he always
thought of her as one who left his crew, left his ship, left him. But it was
clear by the stories she brought up, by the way her eyes were shining, that her
time on the ship had been important to her.
Dessert came and
she leaned in and said, "Are you and Spock together?"
"No." He
said it in a way that made it very clear they had been at one time, might be
again. If she chose to really hear
him.
She appeared to
understand the message. "I see." She looked down, then back up,
meeting his eyes. "He was kind to me last night."
"He is not
unfond of you."
"Double
negatives give me a headache."
"He likes
you."
She laughed. "Not
as much as he likes you." Her smile faded. "Not as much as he liked
Valeris."
He leaned in. "I
like you. Far more than I like her."
She laughed again.
"But more than you like him?" At his silence, she shook her head and
smiled knowingly. "Caught you, sir."
"Jim."
"Sorry, Jim,
it's going to take a while." She slid her hand his way, her skin pale even
against the white of the tablecloth. "This meld sounds like a
threesome."
He slid his hand
to meet hers, their fingers barely touching. "It very well could end up
there. Or we'll both be brain dead." He shrugged in a vastly inappropriate
lighthearted way.
Thankfully, she
laughed. "You say it so casually. Is this how you get him back, then? Helping
me—and what about me when you two are happy again?"
"I think we
should play it by ear." He leaned in. "It's possible nothing will
happen other than Spock gets the truth out of you. I don't know how hard it
will be to keep him on track, how much emotion will be unearthed. I don't know
what you'll experience of our emotions, or how that will make you feel. I don't
know what we will feel from you. I think, however, it is what you want. Spock
to meld with you. Spock to set you free."
"And you
there to protect me as a bonus?"
He nodded.
"Like with
Roger." She looked down. "Has it occurred to you I betrayed you
then?"
"Yes." He
didn't see the point of sugarcoating it. They'd never talked about what
happened with Roger. There really hadn't been a point.
"What do you
expect the meld to find, Jim? Am I guilty or innocent?"
"I don't
know. You're a complicated woman. And you've changed greatly over the years
I've known you. I do know the Christine Chapel of today wouldn't betray me with
Roger."
"You're
right. I'd have to be capable of love to do that." She looked down.
"You don't
think you are?"
"Nope."
He frowned. "Were
you and Cartwright...?"
She shook her
head. "We were just friends. I dated West, but he didn't want anything
from me except a companion for events."
"That and
sex, right?"
She shook her
head, suddenly making Jim Junior sit up and take notice.
He leaned in more.
"But you've had it...recently, I mean."
"Is this
relevant?"
He laughed. "I
think so."
"It's been a
while." She looked up, a surprised expression crossing her face.
He glanced behind
him, saw Spock coming across the dining room, maitre
d' in tow, no menu but carrying a chair.
A chair Spock sat
on once the maître d' had placed it at their table. He waited till the maitre d' had left to say, "I feared I had missed
you."
"I don't
recall telling you I was coming here, Spock." He smiled tightly at his
friend, then looked over at Chris, who was watching them both as if they were a
fascinating biology experiment.
"It was a
logical place to come if you wish to help Christine with her problem." He
turned to her. "You are feeling better?" Spock's voice had dipped
into a register Kirk was used to hearing for himself. A surge of jealousy
roared through him.
"I am. Thanks."
Chris's voice also dipped into the sweet homey register. Another jealous surge
flew the opposite way.
"Should I
leave you two alone?" He sounded pissy as hell,
and by their twin looks of amused surprise, he knew they thought so, too. "Belay
that question," he muttered.
"I take it he
has told you his idea?" Spock was leaning away from Kirk, his attention
solely on Chris. "Did he explain the danger to you?"
"Did he
explain his plan to turn it into kinky threefold sex to you?"
Spock's eyebrow
went up. "He did not. It is not, however, unexpected. He is a master of
seizing opportunities."
She laughed,
loudly, and the diners around them glanced over.
Kirk tried to
plaster a grin on his face to make them look like one big happy family, but
knew he was failing, so instead he tucked into his creme brulee
and muttered, "A threesome is not my goal here."
"So, are you
willing to help me?" Her attention seemed fully on Spock, but then she
reached out, stilling fingers Kirk hadn't been aware he was drumming on the
table. "It'll be dangerous, won't it?"
Spock nodded.
"I can't live
under this shadow, Spock." Her fingers tightened around Kirk's and she
looked over at him. "You know what it's like. You both do." She let
go of him and leaned back. "I'm going to go back to work. I'll let you two
talk."
"There is no
need. We can commence as soon as you wish." Spock looked at Kirk, his eyes
hard but a slight glint of something shining from them. "Or did you wish
to sleep with her before the meld?"
Chris sputtered
the coffee she'd just taken a sip of.
Kirk settled for a
mean grin. "Hadn't decided yet. Let's say we do the meld on the
weekend." He glanced at Chris. "Give us a few days to...talk more. For
me to protect you best, we're going to need a strong bond."
He saw Spock's jaw
tighten and smiled just a little.
That was for the
snotty comment about Gol.
##
Chapel stood at
the door to Jim's townhouse, waiting for him to answer the chime she'd been
almost too nervous to press. He'd whispered, "Come by tonight if you
want" to her as they'd left the mess. Whispered it at a volume the humans
in the room wouldn't catch...but a Vulcan would.
He'd done it to
hurt Spock. Or to anger him. She was unsure which.
The hell of it was
she wanted him.
The other hell of
it was Spock had told her to do it. He'd found her later in the day, had come
into ops and pulled her aside for an intense discussion out of range of her
extremely interested teammates.
"I do not
wish for you and Jim to have sex. For a variety of reasons that I do not
believe we have time to go into at this juncture. That said, he is not wrong
that to protect you—but also him—it will behoove you to have as strong a bond
as possible. You should sleep with him before we meld."
"I
should?"
"Yes. Unfortunately."
She'd just stared
at him. "Are you jealous of him or me?"
He'd looked at her
like she was an idiot and left.
So...here she was.
Jim answered the
door and she swallowed hard.
"Hi," he
said, his beautiful smile taking over his face in a way she'd never expected to
see. The man was pure sex when he wanted to be. And he wanted her.
Uhura and Rand
were going to kill her. If they were still taking to her, which neither seemed
to be. She wasn't sure if they were really avoiding her, or just too busy to
pay attention to what she was going through. She'd fallen off everybody's
scope, it seemed.
Everybody but the
last two people she would have picked.
"Can I come
in?"
"Of
course." He moved aside, seemed to be checking the street.
"If he
followed me, he's way stealthier than you are."
Jim shut the door
and motioned her inside. "You've never been here."
"Nope." He'd
never invited her—or else every invitation had been lost in the comms,
something she very much doubted.
"There's not
much to see."
Which was a lie. It
was three times the size of her apartment. Several stories, quaint San
Francisco charm.
"Spock said
we should have sex." She turned, making a face to show Jim she was sorry
for having just blurted that out. "In the spirit of honesty."
"Yeah, he
told me that, too. Stand-up guy, our Spock." His expression was
unreadable.
"I think that
maybe I should forget about the meld. I think that maybe you should go to
Spock's and then the two of you could have sex. That's what I think."
He moved toward
her. "Is it?"
She nodded.
"Really?"
"I don't know
what I am in this, Jim. You and Spock are confusing me. I sense..." She
looked down, suddenly very embarrassed, but also fully aware of how much Jim
seemed to want her if the way his loose trousers were fitting was any
indication.
"You sense
what?" He was next to her, had moved behind her, was holding her arms,
kissing her neck.
Her knees nearly
buckled.
He turned her to
face him. "What do you sense?"
"Interest. For
me. On both your parts. But you want each other, too."
"Never let it
be said you can't read a room." He grinned at her, then pulled her to him.
Their lips met and
she forgot to worry for a moment, just let herself fixate on the way his hands
were moving over her back, the way he had his body pressed to hers, the way his
mouth controlled hers, demanding access, tongue finding tongue.
She moaned, far
more loudly than she wanted to.
"How long has
it been?" he asked softly when he finally pulled away.
"You don't
want to know."
He guided her hand
down and down and ...there. "Oh, we both want to know."
She smiled. "Years.
I've lost count."
"What were
you waiting for?"
"I got out of
the habit, I guess."
"Oh,
sweetheart. We must remedy that." He pushed her to the couch, kissing her
as he took off her clothes, as he stripped his own off.
He was careful to
get her ready; it didn't take long, not with such concerted attention,
such...care.
She groaned in
pleasure as he entered her and he stopped. "You all right?" His voice
was husky, his eyes sweet and warm, and she wrapped her legs around him and
pulled him all the way inside her.
They moaned
together.
Then he started to
move.
Holy God, why had
she waited so long?
And then she quit
thinking, gave herself up to feeling and kissing and the little nonsense sounds
that went perfectly with what he was doing to her and what she was doing to
him.
They finally lay,
half off the couch, sweaty, out of breath, and she laughed softly.
"Good?" He
kissed her gently.
"Oh my
God."
"I'll take
that as a yes." He reached for a throw, settled it around them and pulled
her close, out of danger of falling off the couch.
"Thank you
for helping me," she said, eyes already closing.
"It's a real
hardship, my dearest." He tightened his hold on her, his eyes closing,
too.
He woke her later,
pulled her up and to the bedroom. They made love again in his enormous bed,
taking very little space, wrapped up in each other as they moved, and then
later, as they lay still and fell back to sleep.
##
Standing at the
door to Ops, Spock watched Christine as she worked. She seemed more relaxed,
even smiled occasionally.
She had most
certainly had sex with Jim.
He took a deep
breath and walked into the room. The same surprised looks awaited him as he
made his way to her station.
"Keep coming
in here and people are going to talk." She smiled at him as she spoke so softly he knew she meant the words for his ears only. "Your
'Reform Christine' plan may be overkill."
He nodded, as if
conceding her point. "Despite the efficacy or lack thereof of my plan, I
would like to talk to you. Elsewhere."
"Lunch?"
"I have a
meeting at noon. Can you get away now?"
"I'm working,
Spock."
He nodded,
surprised at her tone. She sounded annoyed with him. "Are you in the
middle of a crisis?"
"It's
Emergency Ops, Spock. We generally are." Her tone wasn't quite as low as
before, and a few people seemed to perk up.
He met her eyes
and made his voice even lower. "I was under the impression you wanted my
help."
"I do. Just...not
right now."
He nodded but knew
his expression was tight. "Did you have an enjoyable time last
night?" He leaned down, pretended to be showing her something on the
screen. "I am growing less inclined to help you by the minute,
Commander."
Straightening, he
turned and walked out. He was not surprised when a moment later, she came after
him.
"What are you
doing?" she asked as she caught up with him. "Is this about Jim and
me?"
"So you did enjoy your evening?"
"I did. Thank
you for the suggestion." Her voice was strange and he turned to look at
her. She stopped walking, was staring up at him a bit helplessly. "Spock,
what do you want from me? If you're mad that I'm with Jim, then go get him. It's
clear he's not happy being away from you."
"He told you
that?"
"Not in so
many words but we were running a bit late this morning so big talks had to be
postponed." She moved closer to him. "I feel like the flag in a game
of tug of war. And much like that pitiful piece of fabric, I have no idea why
I'm stuck between you two. You want him? Take him."
As she turned to
walk away, he said softly, "He is already mine."
She stopped, just
as he thought she might. "If he's yours, why isn't he with you?"
"That,
Christine, is an excellent question. More importantly, why is he with
you?"
She turned, her eyes full of fire. "Because you fucking
told me to go to him."
"Yes. I
did."
"A
mistake?"
"Not at all. A
plan." He took a deep breath. "You came to me, Christine. You wanted
my help. This is how I help."
"By sending
me to your ex?"
"Whether you
stay with him is the question." He moved closer. "The meld is highly
personal. Highly erotic in its way. He will remember what we had."
"You sound
like Flint, Spock. Len told me about him and his plan to have Jim awaken his
little android. Didn't work out so well for the android, if I recall. But then
it never does—I know that from bitter experience." She moved closer. "And
furthermore, I doubt Valeris found the kind of meld we're talking about to be
very damn erotic. In fact, I think she found it torture."
He took a deep
breath. He did not want to talk about Valeris to Christine.
"This is you
helping me, Spock? I might prefer you as an enemy." She seemed to lose the
emotional energy that was driving her, retreated into the stony woman he had
seen recently, before she had come to him for help. "And what happens to
me in this plan?"
"I am not
unmoved by you."
She laughed and he
was not sure why.
"That is
funny?"
"I hate
double negatives."
"Ah. Then the
positive version. I have...feelings for you."
"Since
when?" She laughed again, this time bitterly. "Do you think I'm a
moron?"
"I do not. I
would not have feelings for someone I considered intellectually
substandard."
"Is there a
point to this?"
He could tell she
was getting frustrated. "You asked what would happen to you. I do not know
because I do not know what the meld will bring. Just as I believe Jim will be
moved by the experience, you and I may be drawn to each other as well."
"I didn't ask
for this. I just wanted you to help clear my name."
"Are you
sure? My melding with you will prove nothing to Command. The only thing that
will is my continued association and championship of you. Jim's as well. And
even if he made love to you the entire night, he does not entirely trust you
and will not until the meld. And you will not survive the meld without his help—you
may not survive it with it. If I have to choose during the process to save one
of you, it will not be you."
She stared up at
him, then began to laugh. It was a slightly hysterical sound. "I'm
goddamned crazy. That's what I am. And for what? To get a career back? They
can't let me go, not without proof. So, okay, maybe I molder away in some
supply room till retirement. Would that be so bad?"
The corridor was
empty, so he tipped her chin up, forcing her to look at him. "Your rise
was meteoric. You have passed by most of your fellow crew mates. You were
tapped for assignments that many, including myself, doubted you could do, and
you proved all of us wrong. It is not in your nature to molder away, as you
say, in a supply room. And that is why you will do this."
"Because I
have nothing but my job?" She blinked hard, and he realized she was about
to cry. "Because I am nothing
but my job?"
"That remains
to be seen, Christine. You may end up with both Jim and me."
"Carnival
games are rigged."
He frowned, unsure
of her point.
"The house
always wins, Spock. Don't you know anything by now? And you're the goddamned
house. I just hope losing doesn't bankrupt me." She turned and walked
away, and as he watched she stood straighter, steeling her shoulders, walking
with a slow confidence, putting on a show for the people around her.
She might think
she was not sure what she was going to do, but he knew better. It might, in
fact, be what drew him to her, what made the idea of adding her to his dynamic
with Jim tolerable.
Or more than
tolerable. Desirable, even.
##
Kirk lay in bed,
tracing lazy circles on Chris's back. She moaned happily and nestled closer.
"What's
amazing to me," he said in between kisses, is that we waited so long to do
this."
"I'm not your
type."
He laughed. "Right,
brainy scientists aren't my thing." He was pleased to see her smile, to
see the old Chris peek out from behind the harder, tired Chris he'd found in Smitty's dive.
"Well, when
you put it that way." She took a deep breath. "I hate to break the
mood, but I had a really strange conversation with Spock today."
"Imagine
that." He rolled his eyes. "What now?"
She turned a bit,
and he let her get comfortable. "What if I told you I wanted to do the
meld, but I didn't want you to be there?"
"Why?"
"I just
think..." She looked down, and he realized she was blushing.
"Do you feel
like we're putting pressure on you? For this?" He pulled away slightly and
she caught him and eased him back toward her.
"Not this. But
you and me and him, which may actually mean just you and him, and I'm so
confused at this point..."
He kissed the tip
of her nose, waiting for the smile that he'd discovered would accompany his
action. "If you asked me to stay away, I would. And if I didn't know Spock
wouldn't do the meld without me there, I'd worry. A lot." He stared down
at her. "He could hurt you with this. He won't mean to, but you're asking
a lot out of him at a time when he's not entirely himself."
She smiled, but it
wasn't the happy smile he loved. It was a sadder one. "You'd sleep with me
if you were unsure of me."
"No."
"You're doing
it now. You have no assurance I'm not worming my way into your life for other
reasons."
"You didn't worm your way into my life. I came to the bar that night to
get you. Smitty commed me."
She looked
genuinely surprised. "I thought you said they don't get in your knickers
there."
"He was
worried about you. And I used to be part of Cartwright's gang, too. I'm the
only one left he could have called. I'm not even sure he knew we served
together, just that we had Cartwright in common."
"I always
forget you were one of his chicks."
Exactly how he used
to put it. "There but for the grace of God..." He took a deep breath.
"For what it's worth, I don't think you had any part in the
conspiracy."
"But you
won't champion me, will you, till you're sure?"
He looked down,
hating that he'd sleep with her, as she'd said, with uncertainty in his mind,
but not go out on a limb for her.
What had sex
become for him that it wasn't going out on a limb?
"Spock thinks
I'll do it because I'm ambitious."
"You're not
ambitious. You're just talented and a high flyer. It's hard to be grounded
after all that."
She nuzzled his
neck. "Thank you."
"You're
welcome." He held her and went back to tracing nonsense designs on her
back.
"If I'd never
run from Spock when he came back from Gol, I'd never have been at Starfleet
Medical. And I'd never have treated Admiral Cartwright. And he'd never have
been charmed by my sass. And I'd never have been chosen for his staff. And
then...I wouldn't be here."
"But then you
might not be here-here—and I like you here." He frowned. "You left my
ship because of Spock? You said it was a 'been there, done that' kind of
thing."
"I lied. He
was open to me. Finally. But I was afraid it was just V'ger. And I saw him with
you, in sickbay. After his meld. I knew who he really wanted." She sighed.
"I never
factored into your little daydreams, did I?"
She laughed
softly. "You do now. Far more than he does. Does that count for
anything?"
He nodded. "Don't
do the meld. I'll speak to the CINC on your behalf."
She kissed him
gently. "I love that you'd do that. But you need to be sure. I need you to be sure."
"Okay." He
held her as she fell asleep, wishing that he could drown out the voices in his
head that told him it wasn't that at all, that it was simply that he'd never be
enough for her—or for Spock.
##
Chapel took a deep
breath and tried not to squeeze the life out of Jim's hand as they stood at
Spock's door, waiting for him to let them in.
"Scared?"
Jim asked softly. He squeezed her hand and smiled. "I'm not going to let
anything happen to you."
"I
know." She tried not to think too hard about how he might not have much
say over what happened to her today. The meld was unpredictable. The meld was—damn
it, the meld was terrifying her and it had been her stupid idea.
Spock opened the
door and nodded at her, then at Jim, his expression warming a little. "Come
in."
They followed him
into the main room of the guest quarters.
"Still living
the VOQ life?" Jim frowned as he took in the sparsely furnished room.
"I am
uncertain as to my future plans. Diplomatic duties take me many places for
varying amounts of time."
"Of
course." Jim turned to look at him, and Chapel realized he sounded irritated.
Was he scared, too?
"If you are
ready?" Spock gestured toward the chairs he had set up. Two from the
dining table facing each other, with a low, backless stool in the middle. "Christine,
take the stool, please."
She looked back at
Jim and was gratified to see him smile gently. Walking to the stool, she
studied Spock, trying to read what he was feeling, but he had his best Vulcan
face on.
She sat and Spock
motioned for Jim to sit behind her, his knees on either side of her. She leaned
back and was glad to feel him there.
He leaned into
her, his lips at her ear, murmuring, "I'll keep you safe."
"I
know."
Spock took the
chair in front of her, faced her and almost smiled as he said, "I will not
hurt you. Do you trust me?"
She nodded, even
though she felt herself leaning harder against Jim's knees.
Spock touched her
face gently, moving over her skin with his fingers, the contact tingling in a
way she didn't expect. "Close your eyes."
She did, and the
tingling increased. She felt his fingers touch the meld position, then felt him
reach past her, for Jim.
"Relax,
Jim," he said. "I will not hurt her."
She felt Spock's
mind with hers, more immediate than when they'd shared consciousness but still
familiar. Not scary. He was her friend, wasn't he? He wouldn't hurt her, not
like he had Val—
"Do not think
of her." Spock's voice resounded, inside her head, outside it, too.
She felt Jim
tighten his hold on her, then felt his presence in her thoughts, in her mind. "I'm
here," he whispered, and like Spock's, his voice was all around her.
"I trust you
both," she said softly, and let down any defenses she was consciously
keeping up. Letting Spock in.
He moved quickly,
into the memories that lay near the surface. She felt Jim's surprise and realized
this was different than a regular meld, that Spock was rifling through her
memories.
She felt Jim
tense, his hands tightening almost painfully on her arms, and she gasped. Spock
stopped, waiting, hovering almost, like a great hunting bird over her mind. She
was breathing harder, and she could feel her heart beating, could hear it in
her ears.
"Easy,"
Jim said, but she wasn't sure if he was talking to her or to Spock.
"I must be
thorough," Spock said softly.
"Not through
last night's memories, you mustn't." Jim was clearly speaking to him now.
Spock waited a
moment, then resumed, going further back, back to the time around Khitomer, just after, just before. He was particularly
interested in any time she'd spent with Cartwright, Valeris, or West. She could
feel him tense every time Valeris was involved. Once he tensed too much, his
fingers and his mind pushing down on her, making her moan.
"Spock."
Jim's mind-voice was curt, angry even.
Spock withdrew a
bit, and she felt Jim tighten his arms around her, pulling her back to him.
"I'm all
right," she said, giving Spock permission to keep looking, to find what
she knew wasn't there. Her heart was beating even faster, but it wasn't because
she was excited—she was terrified.
He'd said this
would be erotic? On what planet would this qualify as erotic?
And oh, God, had
she just thought that out loud?
Neither man
reacted, and she realized that she could still think independent thoughts even
while being read this way. She relaxed a little, willing the fear to go away.
"Yesssss," Spock said, reaching deeper and deeper.
She let go,
leaning against Jim completely as she felt Spock go back to when she entered
medical school and then pause.
"That's far
enough," Jim said.
"I
agree." Spock began to move around her memories a different way, an easier
search this time. His touch was gentle, and his mind-voice soothed her.
She moved against
Jim, felt him tighten his hold on her, felt a surge of something coming from
him.
Lust. For her. For
Spock. She wasn't sure. She felt the lust coming back from Spock, knew she was
probably radiating it too. For Jim, for Spock, for more of this intense
sharing.
And then...anger. Anger
and Jim's hands tightening on her arms, shaking her. His voice, not sweet now,
telling Spock to get out.
And Spock got out,
exiting slowly but purposefully, causing her no pain, letting go of her face
finally, then Jim's. His eyes were hard as he looked at Jim, as if she was no
longer there.
"She still
wants me," Spock said, and he wasn't wrong, unfortunately.
"She's with
me." Jim seemed to be pulling her back, off the stool, and she fought him,
afraid she'd fall, not sure what he wanted.
He let her go and
Spock caught her up, pulling her into his lap as if she weighed next to
nothing. "She is extraordinary, Jim. The trust she has in you. In me, too.
We can enjoy this. All three of us." He ran his hand down her body,
hitting parts he'd never consciously touched before. She moaned and saw Jim's
face change.
He stood up,
looked down at them, then walked to the door. He turned back only long enough
to say, "No," then walked out and left them alone.
"Jim." She
struggled to get away but Spock held her in what seemed to be an iron grip.
"He will come
back, Christine."
"No, he
fucking well won't." She thrust herself away from him, suddenly glad she
had extra weight to use against him. He wasn't expecting her to fight,
apparently. She got away and scuttled back. "What the hell?"
"He will be
back." Spock sounded slightly desperate.
"That's all you
care about?" She pushed herself to her knees, then to her feet, swaying
slightly. "Oh my God. You never needed him here for this. The meld...you
could have done it to me alone."
He looked down. "It
was his idea to help."
"Because you
told him it was too dangerous. You told me it was. You, Spock."
Spock stood and
looked at her very gently. "And I would not have done this if I did not
care for you, if I could not see you being part of this. I want him back, but
he will not come alone and he truly seems to care for you. The meld helped you,
it gave him something he needed, and it would have been the logical way for me
to find my way back to him and gain you in the bargain. I cannot imagine an
argument that says this was not a good plan."
"You cannot
see that you manipulated us?"
"Isn't that
what love is, Christine? Benevolent
manipulation?"
She turned and
left, afraid Jim had gone home, but then she saw him sitting on the bench
outside the VOQ and sat down next to him. He didn't look at her and she didn't
say anything.
Finally, he said,
"You left the ship because of him. Twice. I could feel in there how much
you wanted him." He laughed, a soft, horrible sound. "You were
rubbing against me but it was him you were thinking about."
"He did it to
get you, Jim, not me. I was just...I was just the carrot."
"No, he
wanted you."
"Jim, listen
to me." She grabbed his face and made him turn to look at her. "He
didn't need you there. Not really. He did it to get you back. Be sure of that
even if of nothing else."
He stared at her,
a helpless look on his face, and she pulled him to her and kissed him as
tenderly as she could.
When they finally
pulled away, she stood and took his hand, pulling him off the bench. "So,
I was thinking maybe kabobs for dinner. There's a new place by the wharf, if
you want to go?"
He smiled. "Thank
you."
"For
what?"
"For
normal."
"You're all I
need, Captain Kirk."
She led him to the
new restaurant, relieved that he hadn't asked her if he was all she wanted,
too. After the meld, they both knew the answer to that.
##
Spock saw Jim
ahead of him in the halls of Starfleet Command, was not surprised when his
friend turned and walked away. The resonance of the meld was still there,
though, and Spock followed him, finding him sitting in a conference room.
"What gave me
away, Spock? Meld dust?"
"The
resonance was far less useful last night. When you and Christine
were...active."
"Serves you
right for listening in." Jim turned his chair so he was facing him, arms
crossed over his chest. "Chris says you involved me in the meld to get me
back. That you didn't need me there. I think she's wrong. I think she's the one
you want."
"Is it not
possible I want both of you?" At Jim's look, he said, "Put aside my
motives for now. They are not why I am here." At Jim's expression, he held
up a hand. "I know you are angry with me, and we do need to discuss that. But
I need you to see this first."
"What?"
Spock handed him a
padd. On it were a list of dates and the social events that took place on them.
"What is
this?"
"The
occasions Christine remembers being Colonel West's companion."
Jim shrugged. "So,
she dated him. Big deal."
"She thinks
she dated him, Jim. I can find no evidence she actually did."
"What?"
Spock sat down. "I
checked the security logs. Colonel West did not attend. Nor did
Christine." He leaned in. "It was very clear—to you, as well, I know
you felt it—that Christine had nothing consciously to do with the conspiracy. But
the energy around her memories of West was...wrong."
"Shit." Then
Jim looked up. "You realized that and
were trying to seduce us?"
"I am quite
adept at multitasking."
"So I see."
"Jim, we need
to go back into her memories. We need to find out what is really buried under
them. And this time it will be dangerous for her and you do need to be there as
an anchor. I do not know what they have done. There were Romulans involved in
the plot. They and the Cardassians have highly
evolved sleeper technologies that are quite fatally resistant to detection. We
must proceed carefully."
"If this is
just a way—"
Spock shook his
head, knowing his friend would see the enormity of what he had found in the
worry he allowed to show on his face. "It may be nothing they have done to
her, Jim. They may have merely taken information from her and masked the
inquisitions with more pleasant memories. Or had her help them in ways she did
not realize with no lingering effects."
"Do you
believe that?"
"No. Valeris
would know that if she and the others were caught, Christine would come to me
to clear her name. Valeris was quite insistent on exploring my relationship
with Christine."
"Revenge?"
"Quite
possibly. And all in a way that it could have been undone if the conspiracy was
successful."
"No harm, no
foul." Jim stared down at the padd.
"Christine
may have instructions to kill you. She will not be aware of it until those
instructions activate."
"So, I
shouldn't sleep with her?" Jim laughed bitterly. "Or maybe you should
be there—you never need much shut eye. You can keep an eye on her when we
aren't all fucking."
"That is not
what I was implying."
"I'll be the
one to tell Chris what you found. I'll let you know when we're ready to go back
in."
"Jim, this is
time sensit—"
"I said I'll
let you know when." He stood. "But otherwise...she's clean?"
Spock nodded.
"Nobody knows
about this, understand me? Nobody but the three of us."
"And whoever
is left of the conspiracy and cognizant of what was done."
"Can't you
ever let me sit on the best-case-scenario square?" Jim pushed the padd
back to Spock and left him alone.
Spock stared down
at the event list. Cartwright often attended; there were vids proving it. Valeris
never did. That thought did not give him comfort.
##
Kirk stood outside
the conference room and felt the anger seeping away, giving way to something
else, some feeling of inevitability.
This wasn't over. Somehow,
he'd known it wasn't. Had known it deep in his guts when Smitty
had called him. Why had he called? Why had Chris been at that dive? It didn't
make sense, not really.
Not unless
everything was going just the way it was supposed to.
He turned to walk
back into the conference room, nearly colliding with Spock coming out. Pushing
him back inside, he let the door close, then said, "I think they wanted us
to find this."
Spock raised an
eyebrow.
"I only got
involved with Chris because Smitty called me. He owns
a dive, Cartwright's Crew used to hang there. Not his ship crew, but his
friends. I was one of them, Spock. I was one of them and then I sort of fell
away, and Chris fell in." He laid a hand on Spock's shoulder and squeezed.
"How the hell did they know she would cause this much trouble for
us?"
"Valeris, I think.
I see her handiwork in all this."
Kirk nodded. "Yes.
Cartwright wouldn't have any reason to hurt Chris, or to hurt us. But your
girl..."
"I did not
know she did this—did any of it."
"How the hell
could you not know? When we were together you knew if I'd had a piece of pie I
shouldn't have."
"Only because
you felt guilty about it." Spock met his eyes, his expression soft. "You
cared. You felt badly. Valeris, quite clearly, did not." Spock looked
down. "I have considered the possibility that Valeris planned very far
ahead, took every possible outcome into account."
"I'd agree
with that possibility."
"Then she
would have known that the way to get the information we wanted, if the
conspiracy was discovered, was from her. From a meld. A deep, damaging,
forcible meld."
Kirk nodded.
"What
if...what if there is no information behind Christine's false memories. What if
there are only more false memories. Layers and layers,
and I follow them, and I destroy her." He sighed. "And you and I in
the process, as well, if she is lost because of us."
Kirk took a deep
breath. "We need to go slow. You have to be very careful."
"Valeris
would expect a direct approach." Spock met his eyes. "She once
accused me of being one dimensional in my approach to sex."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning any safeguards she planted are most likely to function when seen
as clear countermeasures. A sexual meld, on the other hand..."
"Especially
one that involved me."
Spock nodded. "I
will not deny I want this, but it is a new desire that Valeris would likely not
have anticipated. I have been quite consistent in my monogamous approach to
sexuality."
Spock had been,
even if it left Kirk out—and many times it had. "All roads lead the same
place." He sat down and wasn't surprised when Spock sat down next to him, when
he murmured, "Computer, lock door," and laid his hand on Kirk's
shoulder.
"I will do
whatever you wish. Whatever you think best. I will not push any solution unless
I am convinced it is the only one."
"I care for
her."
"I
know."
Kirk laughed,
feeling the bitter humor deep in his gut. "The hell of it, Spock, is that
she wants you. She loves being with me. I can tell that without any damn meld. But
she wants you, too."
"And
you?" Spock moved his hand to Kirk's neck, rubbed underneath his hair the
way he'd done a thousand times when they'd been together. The way Kirk was
helpless to resist. "What do you want?"
"I don't want
to share her with you."
"Do you want
to share me with her?"
"It's the
same thing."
"It is
not." Spock leaned in, resting his forehead on Kirk's shoulder. "I
miss you, Jim. I would welcome her into my life if it meant getting you
back."
"I think we
all got that memo, Spock." Kirk pulled away, even though Spock's presence
felt good, felt right. But then, it always did. "We do it at my place this
time. Give me two hours, then come over." He stood, pulled down his
uniform jacket the way he did when he needed something—anything—to do. "We
have to get started. We need to find out what we're dealing with."
"There is
another option."
Kirk turned to
look at him.
"We could
hand her over to the Federation authorities. They would get to the bottom of
this without our involvement. Other than the involvement you have now, of
course. As a lover."
"Would it be
the logical thing to do?"
"It would. It
would also, if I know Valeris, be the most dangerous."
Kirk didn't have
to think about it. "Agreed. Just us in this. No one else." He went to
the door and told the computer to unlock them. "Two hours, Spock. Not a
minute earlier."
"Understood."
##
Chapel laid her
hand over Jim's door and smiled when the security system let her in. If anyone
had told her that she'd have free access to his house someday, she'd have told
them they were crazy.
And yet.
"Honey, I'm
home." She expected a laugh and got one. She followed the sound to his
bedroom and found him lying on the bed, arms crossed behind his head. "Deep
thoughts?"
"Yep."
She pulled off her
boots and snuggled in beside him. "Do I want to know?"
"Nope."
"When you
commed, you said it was important. I actually left work a little early."
"I'm
glad." He pulled her on top of him and kissed her heartily. Then he rolled
them so he was on top, holding her down, staring into her eyes, but not a sappy
staring, more a questioning kind.
"Jim?"
"I have good
news and I have bad news."
"Okay. I'll
take any good news you have."
"You're
innocent." He kissed her and smiled as he pulled away. "But then you
knew that."
"And you'll
make sure everyone else does? You and Spock?"
"It's that
important to you?"
"It is. I
know I should let it go. That over time, the suspicion would die down. But...I've
worked too hard."
"I
know." He sighed deeply.
She looked away as
she asked, "Is the bad news that you're breaking up with me and going back
to Spock?"
"No." He
began to undo her uniform, kissing everywhere he uncovered. "In fact, we
have less than an hour before he'll be here."
"He's coming
here?"
"Yep." He
abandoned the slow disrobing, began to pull off her uniform with more urgency. Totally
lacking the skill he usually showed, showing in fact,
a little desperation.
"Hey." She
stopped him, tipped him off her, and sat up, yanking off her clothes. "Is
this what you want?"
He nodded and
started to push her down. She stopped him again, pulled his clothing off, and
climbed astride him. He was ready so she didn't wait, just eased down and down
and down and...
"Oh,
God." She smiled as she rode him, as they both continued to invoke a deity
they only appeared to believe in when riding each other.
When they finally
lay quietly in each other's arms, he murmured, "There's a problem. Spock
will explain." He took a deep breath. "And you won't need to get
dressed for the visit."
She eased up on
her elbows and stared down at him. "Come again."
"Apt turn of
phrase." He did not look at all amused.
"What are we
doing?"
"It'll make
more sense when he explains it. Things always do." He pulled her close.
"I didn't want this for us. You have to know that."
"You didn't
want what?" She struggled and he didn't let her go. "Jim, you're
scaring me."
"I
know." He smiled, a very strange smile, as he met her eyes. "I'd
never hurt you. I don't know if the reverse is true, Chris. God help me, I
don't know. And it's not your fault. I know it's not your fault."
"But you said
I was innoc—"
He reached under
the pillow. She saw a flash of silver, felt the cold hiss of the hypo, then
everything went black.
##
Spock rang the
chime for entry to Jim's home, heard the door unlock, and walked in.
"Up
here."
He went upstairs,
stopped short at the door to Jim's bedroom. Christine lay on the bed, a light
robe over her—barely.
Jim held up a hypospray and gave him a sheepish half-smile.
"You did not
tell me you were going to sedate her."
"I didn't
tell her, either, so I guess you're even." Jim pulled the robe down a
little, covering more of Christine's thighs. "I thought it might be a good
idea if she didn't know why we were all going to have sex. Just in case there
was some kind of deadman's switch on the fake
memories."
Spock nodded—he
should have thought of that. "I see you enjoyed each other before."
"You would
have done the same thing, old friend." There was no amusement in Jim's voice,
just grim determination. "Shouldn't you take a look around, before she
wakes up?"
"Yes. I
should." He waited, finally turned to Jim. "A chair?"
"Just get on
the bed with her, Spock. For God's sake, what difference does it make
now?" He moved to a spot that gave him a better view. "But if that
robe moves a millimeter before she wakes up, there will be hell to pay."
Spock eased onto
the bed, careful not to disturb what he now understood to be both a test and a
taunt. He settled his fingers onto the meld points, gently descended into her
mind, leaving as little wake as possible from his progress.
There. The
memories. He went past them, dug deeper, trying to find the earliest interactions
with Valeris.
Valeris had been
Christine's friend, according to them both, but he had never seen them together
socially. Had the memories been planted or had Valeris really sought Christine
out?
He found their
first meeting. Official. Benign. But there. A lunch, more work than social. Then
another, more social than functional. Then...there. A dinner party at
Christine's that Valeris had been invited to. The memories were real. She had
been there.
But the next
outing, one at Valeris's quarters, shimmered with the
patina of the other implanted memories, now that he knew what he was looking
for. Cartwright appeared to be clear of this. West, too, who'd hardly known
Christine if the other memories served, and Spock imagined Valeris had imbued
the false events with a reticence on Christine's part to discuss social outings
with West at work. Or possibly at all unless asked directly by Jim or himself.
Because that would
fit. That would get them looking.
"Spock,"
Jim's voice was pitched low but urgent. "Spock, get out now."
Spock withdrew,
much faster than he normally would but trusting his friend to know if something
was wrong. As he neared the surface of Christine's mind, he realized she was
seizing, her body moving desperately, as if trying to get him out.
The deadman's switch.
As soon as he was
out, the seizures began to diminish, and she finally lay quietly, a fine sheen
of sweat and the robe now askew the only sign that something had gone wrong.
He pulled the robe
up, covering her carefully. "We have a problem."
"No
shit." Jim sat down on the other side of her, took her hand in his. "What
do we do?"
"That was the
direct approach, Jim. We most definitely need another. It's possible if you are
there, and if we are otherwise occupied, it will confuse whatever fail-safes
Valeris implanted."
"And
Chris?" Jim touched her face. "She needs to know what's going
on."
"I agree. Although
that approach is not without risk. Just knowing may set something off. Valeris
was...more clever than I gave her credit for. More clever, potentially, than I."
"Are you
saying you may not be able to help Chris?"
"I am."
"Unacceptable."
He stood. "I need to think. There has to be a way to beat this. Stay with
her, Spock. I don't want her to wake up alone."
Spock met Jim's
eyes and nodded carefully. "I will look after her."
"I know you
will." With a last look at her, Jim left them alone.
Spock had told
Valeris once about Jim's refusal to accept the concept of the no win scenario. Valeris
had raised an eyebrow and said merely, "Perhaps that is because he has
never run into one designed by a Vulcan."
The statement had
seemed nothing more than typical Vulcan pride. Now...now he feared he finally
understood it.
He touched
Christine's cheek. "I am truly sorry for all of this."
##
Kirk heard Spock
calling for him, hurried up the stairs to his bedroom. Chris was just waking up
and he eased onto the bed next to her. She moaned, as if she was in pain, which
given how violent her initial seizures had been, she might be. She turned and
snuggled into him and he knew she was giving Spock a show from the back, but
his friend had the good grace to keep his eyes up and out of the danger zone.
Then she pulled
away and turned, looking at Spock with a frown. "Please tell me we all
didn't have sex while I was unconscious."
"That would
be inappropriate," Spock said, a helpful expression on his face.
She turned back to
Kirk. "Why did you knock me out?"
He had to give her
credit. In her place, he'd push him off the bed and then ask that. But she
probably hadn't made a name for herself in Emergency Ops by being Hair Trigger
Chapel.
"I can tell
you a lie that will keep you out of danger. Or I can tell you the truth."
"But it might
kill you."
Just once he
wished Spock had the ability to sugarcoat. Chris looked like she wished it,
too.
"And Spock's
here...why?"
"That's part
of the potentially deadly truth."
"I'm nearly
naked. You're in your pajamas. And he's fully clothed."
"The state of
our dress is not entirely relevant, Christine."
"I'm the one
who was knocked out, Spock. I'm the one with the potentially fatal truth coming
up—and if you think I'd want you two to lie to me, you're
idiots. But I am not going to die
buck naked. Rustle me up some sweats or something before I hear what you have
to say."
He smiled, even
when she glared at him.
"What's so
amusing, Jim?"
"I just...I
just think you're wonderful." He leaned down and kissed her, knowing Spock
was watching, almost enjoying Spock watching. For a moment, she resisted and
then she relaxed into the kiss, her arms going around him as she deepened the it.
He finally pulled
away.
She shifted a
little and frowned. "Why am I so sore?"
"Later. Once
you're dressed." He got up and found a t-shirt that was too small for him,
sweats with a drawstring that would serve. "Turn your back, Spock."
She slid on the
clothes and he liked the way she looked in them.
Smiling, he pulled
her toward him, then back down onto the bed. "Lie back."
She did, and he
marveled at the patience she was showing—the trust.
He stretched out
on one side of her. Looked over at Spock and made a gesture that said,
"Get over here." Spock didn't have to be asked twice, but he resisted
touching Christine.
She looked at him,
then over at Spock. "Not that this isn't a naughty fantasy come true,
boys, but what the hell?"
"You're sure
you want the truth."
She nodded.
"You're
innocent, but things you remember, they didn't really happen. The dates with
West, for instance."
Spock leaned in. "Most
of your social interactions with Valeris."
"What are you
talking about?"
Both he and Spock
were watching her closely.
"Guys, my
head isn't going to explode. Now what the hell are you talking about?"
"You have
memories of events that did not really occur. We are not sure what is buried
underneath them." Spock touched her forehead—Kirk thought it was just an
excuse to get closer. "I tried to look while you were unconscious. Jim
surmised Valeris might have put in a deadman's switch
of some sort, which is why he drugged you, to make it easier for me to look and
deter any type of fail-safe from going off."
"And what did
you find out?"
"You went
into seizures, Chris. We didn't find out much." He looked over at Spock. "It
seems...apparently a direct approach won't work."
"A
direct...?" She gave a little half laugh of surprise. "Ohhhhh. I see."
"This is not
an attempt to engage you in sex with the two of us." Spock had his most
earnest expression going.
"It's
not?"
"Well, it
probably is." Kirk leaned in. "You're feeling okay. Nothing's
hurting?"
"My back a
little. My head. And my pride. Holy crap, how often did they screw with my
mind?"
"We're not
sure. A lot, Spock thinks."
"But she was
my friend."
"No,
Christine. She was not."
"So,"
she said, her voice changing, becoming more thoughtful. "Lay out the
options for me. What's likely to happen?"
They both looked
at her.
"Scenarios,
boys. We live by them in ops. Likely, not likely, I don't care, just give them
to me." When they didn't speak, she rolled her eyes and said, "The
most obvious is that I'm a sleeper."
Spock nodded. "Valeris
is unlikely to have gone for that option."
"But it's
possible. I could go off and kill you both. Or myself. Or blow up a building or
a ship."
"Yes."
"That's just
dandy. Other options, please."
"It could be
nothing," Kirk said. "Valeris had reason to want to hurt Spock and
you. There may be nothing to find."
"And yet
you'll keep trying, and either you'll hurt me the way you did Valeris, or the
seizures will kill me. Fabulous. Other thoughts?"
"You are
taking this quite well," Spock said.
Kirk could see
that she wasn't, not really. But the professional had superseded the woman who
was scared. And he loved her for that. "One option is that you were used
by them for various tasks but that nothing is left behind."
"Why would I
have seizures if everything I'd been needed to do was done?"
"It is an
unlikely option," Spock said, holding up at hand at Kirk's glare. "She
wants the truth."
"Yes, I
do." She took a deep breath. "So the basic
problem is that you can't get to my mind without my body going haywire,
right?"
They both nodded.
She started to
laugh.
Kirk was afraid
for a moment that this was too much for her, and Spock glanced over at him in
confusion.
She rolled her
eyes at both of them. "And you two idiots are about to suggest we have sex
and then you look during it?"
"I think
idiot is a bit strong," Kirk said, glancing at Spock for moral support. "It's
the indirect approach. Tell her about the indirect approach." He suddenly
realized he could appear to be lobbying for a threesome and looked down.
"God save me
from well-meaning lovers." She sat up. "I've got a solution. It does
not involve us having sex. Could one of you let me out?"
Spock seemed
disappointed, so Kirk got up and let her slide out past him. She grabbed the
comm unit and paced with it as she dialed up someone.
"Len?"
Kirk looked at
Spock whose eyes narrowed. "I don't think she's calling him to get in on
the act."
"Nevertheless.
I believe we had this under control."
She glared at both
of them. "Len? You still have access to the facilities here at
Command?" She launched into medical-ese, but Kirk got the gist of it. Stop
her heart, or nearly so. Bring all her bodily functions down to nearly zero. Keep
her mind going. Len could set it up for the next day. She smiled and cut the
connection.
"I should
have considered this option." Spock looked genuinely chagrined. "The
mind cannot hurt what it cannot find."
"Exactly."
She stood at the foot of the bed, staring at them. "Valeris thought I was
an idiot, apparently."
"Maybe
not," Kirk said, taking the comm unit from her and punching in the number
for Smitty's. "Old friend, it's Jimbo. Just wanted to thank you for looking out for our
mutual acquaintance."
"No problem. Glad
it all worked out."
"Cartwright
did his last good deed, eh?"
He could
practically hear the shrug. "You know how he looked out for his chicks. I
didn't know what he was up to, you know? But he said things might get bad for
her, and to make sure I called you if I noticed anything. I didn't get what he
meant until the news broke."
"I
understand."
"Way I see
it: friends look out for friends."
"That they
do. We'll be by soon."
"Better not. You're
not exactly a fav around here right now."
"No?"
"Give it a
while."
"Okay." He
cut the connection. "Valeris knew Chris would be tainted. She must have
known she'd think to go to you, Spock, to prove her innocence. You'd be angry
still at Valeris, careless with your meld. You'd kill Chris, and Valeris would
have had her revenge." He looked at Chris, then at Spock. "I don't
think I even factored into the equation for her, but I did for Cartwright. He
was looking out for you till the end, Chris. I doubt he had any idea what
Valeris had done. But he saved you."
"You saved
her, Jim."
"Oh, hell,
you all saved me." She began to untie her sweats.
"What are you
doing?" Kirk asked.
"I could die
tomorrow, despite my precautions."
"This is
true," Spock said way too eagerly, earning a glare from both of them.
She moved over to
Kirk, leaned down and kissed him heartily. Then she pulled away, peeked around
Kirk, and said to Spock, "Don't you have somewhere else to be about
now?"
Kirk would have
given anything for a look at Spock's face. As it was, Chris's grin would have
to do.
When the door shut
behind Spock, she pulled Kirk's shirt off, then her own. "Is he going to
go somewhere other than outside the door?" she asked.
"I don't give
a damn where he goes as long as it's not in here with us."
"Did you
really think you weren't enough for me?"
"I'm an
idiot."
"Yes, well,
we've already established that." She touched his cheek. "Harder
question. Do you want me to go get him? I can share you with him—if you want
him, too. But I don't need to share you with him."
He smiled. "I'll
always care for him."
"I
know."
"Don't go get
him."
"Okay,
then." She undid the drawstring, let his sweats slip off her.
He pulled his own
off, was in her before they were even comfortably on the bed, quickly finding a
rhythm, moving hard and crying out.
They were both a
little louder than normal. He hoped for Spock's sake that he'd gone home.
##
Chapel woke, her
head splitting as if she'd been struck down with five migraines. Spock sat next
to her, his fingers on the meld points as she blinked and tried to focus.
"Welcome
back." Jim's voice. Then Len telling him to get out of the way and let him
work. She smiled. Good old Len.
"You are all
right now," Spock said, his voice soft. Inside her head, his voice was
like velvet, filling her mind, pressing the pain off a bit. She met his eyes
and saw something she didn't expect there. Regard. How long had he cared for
her? I am sorry, Christine. The words sounded only in her mind.
It wasn't bad to
be wanted. Not when she'd wanted him for so long. She tried to send that to
him, felt the velvet inside her head grow softer, warmer.
I will always be
here for you.
His mind-voice was so gentle, then he slowly pulled away, his fingers finally
lifting off her face. "She is fine, Jim." He got up, ceding the seat
to Jim, who smiled down at her. Spock gave Jim a tender look before turning
away.
"Well,
hello," Jim said, taking her hand in his.
"Hello,
yourself."
"One of you
is going to have to fill me in," Len said, his voice surly but also more
than a little amused.
"I will
attempt to explain." Spock turned to look at Jim and her, his lips going
up just slightly, his eyes again so remarkably tender, then he followed Len
out.
"I hope he
leaves out some parts," she said, making Jim laugh.
"Me,
too." His face turned serious. "He really cares for you. I didn't
realize."
"I didn't
either."
"I'm not
willing to let him have you."
"Good. I'm
not willing to let him have you, either. Despite what I said yesterday." She
pulled him down; their kiss was very gentle.
"I'm
glad." He pulled back up and met her eyes. "But if anything
ever happens to me, I want you to go to him."
"Nothing's
going to happen to you. You're James T. Kirk."
The cocky grin
appeared and she laughed softly. "My amazing streak of luck aside, I need
to say this now. You have my blessing."
"You're not
going anywhere, mister, so just keep your blessing to yourself."
His smile was a
beautiful, beautiful thing.
FIN