DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2019 by Djinn. This poem is Rated PG-13.

Searching for Meaning

By Djinn

I told you once
That I loved both sides of you
The human and the Vulcan
But was that true?
Because I saw the Vulcan part
And it terrified me
Terrify from the Latin: to scare, deter
Intimidate—oh, if only, you had deterred me
But I'm stubborn and brave and I see
What I want and I take it
Metaphorically, I mean
I never touched you, not that first visit

Poking and prying—if I want anything from you, I'll ask for it

Poke, from the Middle English: to prod
To jab, to thrust
I brought you soup, not a cudgel
Pry, from the Middle English: to look
Closely—when haven't I?
Oh, I hid it before, but haven't lately
Not since the Psi2000, not since
I told you my truth, unwanted
As it was
Or pry can mean to pull apart, to extract
To detach—detachment is a quality
I'd have assigned you
Until, that is, you threw a bowl
Of soup at me
You didn't ask for it but I didn't
Ask for you to overreact like
A child having a tantrum
So we're even

I had a most startling dream

I came back, because I'm stupid, because
I love you and I wanted you to know that
You'd be safe, that we were taking you home
But you had a dream—do Vulcans
Normally dream, mundane dreams
Let alone startling ones?
Startling, derived from startle, from the Middle English:
Causing momentary fright, surprise
Or astonishment—do I frighten you?
I can't imagine I do but you frightened me
As you moved, like a hunting cat in your quarters
Your eyes burned and your mouth moved
And you spoke of not hearing
But is that worse than not understanding?
Than never understanding, even when I asked you
Later what you meant, after it was over, after
I was kicked out of sickbay
But I came back to you again, because I did not grow
Any smarter or love you any less
You still didn't explain why it would startle
But you showed me what it meant to
Not protest against our natures

Protest, from the Middle English, from
The Anglo-French, from the Latin—did you
Know it could mean object or affirm?
I suppose things get confused when you have
So many foundations coloring your definition
Which did you mean? I still don't know
Not even after having slept in your bed
Drowned in your incense, roasted in the
Heat of your quarters, dying for water
Or perhaps just a kind word
But that's not in your nature, I think

Nature, from the Middle English, from Middle French
From Latin, but this time not so confusing
Inherent character, basic constitution
So were you telling me that your
Inherent character wants me?
And how much of the Spock I thought
I knew is that part of you—the wanting
Part, the one who touched and kissed
And didn't notice that I was thirsty
But let me up when I asked
Watched me with...regret
I drank two glasses—how can
Your mother exist like that?
And then I pulled on my clothes and
Fled, from the Middle English, from Old English
And akin to Old High German:
To run away from danger—you didn't hurt me
To run to security—but you didn't make me feel
Safe, either
To vanish, to shun—this, oh yes, this
I see it when you pass me
I feel as if I don't exist even when
You're only millimeters away
It's mercy, I suppose
Or your version of it
Mercy, from the Middle English, from the Anglo-French,
From Medieval Latin, from Latin, meaning originally
And once again: price paid