DISCLAIMER: The Firefly/Serenity
characters are the property of Mutant Enemies, Fox, Universal, and probably
someone else I'm forgetting. The story contents are the creation and property
of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2005 by Djinn. This story is Rated PG-13.
Playing with Fire
by Djinn
Sometimes the ship got to
Jayne. Those were the times he found his way to the cargo hold to work out. He
usually found Book down there, too. Like now.
"Can't sleep?" Book
asked as he curled two dumbbells.
"Something like
that." Jayne snuck a look at Book's grip—the man never screwed up by
putting his thumb on the opposing side. Somehow, Jayne didn't expect a shepherd
to know to hold the weights right. Or to be so buff. Book was definitely more
than he seemed.
"We've got
company," Book said softly, looking up at the catwalk.
River was walking the grating
slowly, placing one foot delicately in front of the other. After every four
steps, she'd pirouette twice, foot going down at the end without a wobble.
Jayne watched her, marveling
that she never lost her balance. "It's like a dance." He glanced at
Book and saw him nod. "Seems like she's always dancing." Even in her
head. Maybe that was what was wrong with her? Her thoughts didn't run true so
much as dance around all ways?
"Was she dancing when
she stabbed you?" Book winked at him.
"Maybe so, but it wasn't
any kind of dance I want her to do again." That had hurt like a mother-humpin' devil. "You ever figure out why she did that
to me?"
Book shot him a look. "Haven't
the faintest idea. Do you?"
Jayne could feel himself
turning red. "Nope. Wasn't provoked, that's for gorram
sure." Unless you counted the fact that the girl was some kind of psychic,
and Jayne had been about to sell her and her uppity brother down the river on
Arial. He often wondered if she'd been punishing him in advance, or if maybe
she'd been giving him the final push so he'd just go and get it over with. He'd
had chances to sell her out since, and he'd ignored them.
Which was a good thing. He
didn't fancy another spell in the airlock with Mal on the right side of the
door and him on the wrong. He'd never been so scared. He'd also never been so
ashamed. And shame wasn't a feeling he wore real well.
Made him itch.
"Teach me
something." River was at his elbow, looking up at him, making him jump
since he hadn't seen her come down. Hadn't heard her sneak up on him, neither. Only
she probably hadn't been sneakin'—just walking her
normal scary way.
"Go away, girl. I'm
busy." He lay down on the bench. "Spot me, preacher."
Book walked round behind him.
"River, we liked your dance."
"The perimeter of the
walkway is exactly equal to half the coefficient of the Seliki
cosine. I paced it out."
"I'm not familiar with
that one," Book said.
"And I don't care."
Jayne hefted the barbell. "You got the weights uneven, shepherd." He
looked over, saw that River was holding one end down. "Book, you're
supposed to be looking out for me."
River was smiling in a funny
way. "Captain says to lecture me on the special hell."
Jayne thought he saw Book
flush a little.
"What does that mean? The
special hell?" Jayne reckoned he was probably destined for it—all the bad
things he'd done in his life. Had River stabbed more than just him to deserve
anything worse than the crazy place she seemed to live most of the time?
"Preacher-man knows what
it's for." River was giving Jayne the weird smile again.
"Well, get off my
barbell, and he can lecture away." He didn't feel her let up, so he turned
up the mean in his look. "I ain't kidding
around, girl."
She let go and moved closer. "I
want to take apart Vera."
"Ain't
nobody takes Vera apart but me." Jayne hefted the barbell, doing it easily
now that crazy-killer-girl wasn't taking her rest on half of it.
"You'll let me. Real
soon, too."
"Yep, and the Alliance will
invite me to a big fancy party. They're both going to happen real soon, aren't
they, shepherd?"
Book laughed, but it was a
half-hearted sound at best. "River, why don't you go find Simon?"
"I'm happy here." She
walked around to where Book was standing. "I'll do it."
"Like I trust you,"
Jayne said. "You'd probably let the gorram thing
fall on my throat." He glanced back, saw that from his upside-down vantage
it looked like Book and River were having a stare-down. "What's going
on?"
"River." Book
sounded like it was real important that he won. But
Jayne didn't know what he'd be winning.
River just smiled, dancing
away again, and laughing. "Only a matter of time, now."
Jayne waited until she was
out of range before he asked, "What the hell is she talking about?"
"You really don't know,
do you?" Book sounded like he didn't want to go into whatever it was.
"Know what? Girl's
crazier than any of us knew if she thinks I'll let her strip my Vera."
Book sighed. "Anyone
ever tell you about the birds and the bees, Jayne?"
"I don't need no lecture
on sex. I ain't had no complaints in that
department."
"I'm sure not. Well. Hmmm.
I'm not quite sure how to put this..." Book cleared his throat. "You
need to be extra careful around River."
Jayne set the barbell back on
the rack. "Why? She fixin' to skewer me
again?" He sat up and got a good look at Book's face. Then he turned to
where River had danced off. "You don't think that...she isn't..." He frowned.
"She's just a kid."
"She'll be eighteen in a
week."
Jayne knew that. He'd decided
to give her a gun of her very own to mark the occasion. One of his smaller ones—it
had never fit his hand all that well.
"Eighteen. An
adult." Book said.
"You and me both know
she's a long way from an adult." He grinned at Book. "It's just a
crush. Probably a natural thing. Me being such a fine picture of a man."
Book's eyebrow went up. "And
nowhere near as smart as her."
"You saying I'm
dumb?"
"I'm saying the girl is
interested in you, Jayne."
"Well, I ain't interested in her."
Book's eyes narrowed. "You're
sure?"
"Yeah, I dream about
bedding a crazy child-woman who's already stabbed me once for no reason. You
figured me out, shepherd." Jayne gazed up to the catwalk, but River wasn't
up there. Mal and Inara were, though. Mal was still
walking a little gingerly from that poison that had ripped his guts up, and Inara was pretending she wasn't wanting to support him. He
could hear them arguing from where he was sitting.
That was love. Two people who had chemistry. Who it was clear were using anger
and sarcasm to hide something deeper.
River came out from the crew
area. She was holding Vera. "Can I?"
"Give her here,
girl!"
River took off, the way she
did with Kaylee when she'd taken her apple. That's all that was, now, wasn't
it? Just a game? Not some lunatic way she'd thought of to woo him.
"The special hell,
Jayne. It's for people who forget that a matter of a few days doesn't make a
girl a woman." Book glared at him.
"Give her the gorram lecture, Book. I just want Vera back." He was
about to run after her, when River came flying back—she must have turned around
to avoid taking out Mal and Inara on the walkway. River
was uncommonly fond of the captain. How come no one was lecturing Mal on the
special hell?
She stopped in front of
Jayne, barely breathing hard, hair wild and eyes sparkling. "You aren't
going to chase me?" The words were innocent; the look in her eyes was so
far from pure that he gulped.
"I don't make it a habit
to chase women." He could tell from Book's hurried throat clearing that it
hadn't been exactly the thing to say. "I mean..." What the hell did
he mean?
Girl was some kind of
psychotic. Out of control. Scary with the mind reading and possible murdering
with her thoughts—he'd never been sure if she'd been kidding when she'd told
him she could kill him with her mind.
Besides, she was scrawny and
short and she didn't even try to fix herself up. But, as she handed him the gun
and their eyes met, he saw how strong she was. How wild and almost simple—like
the air was simple. Like the earth and fire and water. What was that called? Elemental.
River was elemental.
River was terrifying.
She smiled at him as she let
go of Vera.
River was damned attractive. He
gulped again. Her smile changed, became something satisfied and powerful. Gorram girl knew she'd just gotten to him.
"Get out of here before
I put you over my knee." He saw by her look that she didn't find that much
of a threat. Or maybe she liked things a little nasty? Did she have any idea
what the hell she was doing? She was a girl. A child-woman.
Just a kid. If Jayne had a
sister, he'd whup any man who was feeling the things he was feeling for Simon's
sister.
"River?" Simon
appeared as if by magic, calling from the infirmary. "Mei-mei, it's time for your
medicine."
She made a face, and suddenly
looked very much like a kid. Jayne tried to hold that image in his mind, tried
to let it wash out the memory of the sexy way she'd been smiling at him.
The special hell. Jayne
looked at Book, saw by his expression that the preacher knew what he'd been
thinking.
He was humped.
##
Zoe watched Mal as he stared
out over the catwalk, taking in all the fine goods they were transporting. He
leaned down, resting his arms on the railing. He didn't wince, didn't even
appear to have to think about how he was moving. That was good, meant he was
healing up fine.
She'd been terrified that
she'd come back from that mission they'd messed up so bad and find him dead. On
account of her. She'd watched his back all through the war only to nearly lose
him to a stupid drug deal that had gotten out of hand. Would have lost him, if
it hadn't been for Inara.
Zoe couldn't quite figure out
what she thought of the captain and Inara. Not that
she had anything against the girl. In fact, she liked her a lot. But...maybe
not with Mal. It was changing things. Not that Zoe had feelings for Mal. But
she was used to having a certain kind of access. Used to him being there for
her. Being free to talk.
Being alone.
That was kind of selfish,
wasn't it? Wishing things would go back to the way they were when that really
meant she wished her best friend in the world was alone.
She didn't want that, either.
Walking over to him, she leaned in next to him, her arms on the railing just
like his. "Admiring our fine cargo, sir?"
"That I am." He
gave her a cockeyed grin. "Our fine, very legitimate, cargo."
"Yeah. How'd that
happen?"
His grin faded. "Inara. Girl has contacts."
"Lucky for us."
"Yep. Real lucky." He
pushed away from the view, turning and leaning up with his back on the railing,
as if he suddenly couldn't stand to look at the stuff they were hauling.
"Something you want to
say but think you shouldn't?"
"Not sure."
She waited.
"She's got a lot of
contacts."
"Being a companion
probably does that for a gal."
"Right." He sighed.
"I guess I should be glad the fella she was dealin'
with was more keen to move this merchandise than to
bed her."
"He didn't want
to?" Zoe couldn't imagine any man not wanting to bed Inara
if they had the chance. Hell, there were times she'd thought about it and she
didn't tend toward slyness. She'd wondered about Kaylee and Inara;
they'd seemed awfully tactile with each other.
She didn't think she'd bring
any of that up to her captain.
"Oh, I'm sure he wanted
to," Mal said. "But she's sort of out of the business."
"She is?" That
surprised her. Inara's feelings for Mal must be a
hell of a lot stronger than Zoe had thought. That was the trouble with the
girl. She held herself so close—just like Mal did. Couldn't tell when she was
in love and when she was just contemplating doing her nails.
Although Zoe had never had
any trouble telling her captain was head over heels for Inara.
So why wasn't he happier? Girl had quit her line of work and all for him—hardly
seemed right for him to be so morose about it.
"It's a little
complicated," Mal said. He didn't seem inclined to say more, so she just
nodded. "You and Wash—once you'd decided you were sweet on each other—did
it take hold right away?"
"Did what take
hold?" Lust sure had. She'd wanted Wash with such a powerful passion
they'd barely left their bunks when they weren't on duty. She imagined Mal
might have wished she'd been alone then.
"The ease. How long did
it take for that to take hold?"
She laughed. At his almost
hurt look, she touched his arm for a moment. "I ain't
laughing at you, sir. I'm laughing at Wash and me. We still have moments where
easy is not a word you could use to describe us."
"You got it more than
you don't. Anyone can see you two are right cozy."
"And we've had a good
while to work on that. What are you and Inara on? Day
ten?"
"Day twelve." He
started to laugh. "Think I'm making too much of this?"
"Well, no. But then I'm
used to you being sort of obsessive about such things. I bet she's in her
shuttle right now thinking along the same lines. Why don't you go talk to her? Maybe
you two can sort it out rather than me trying to help just the one of
you."
"You're uncommonly wise
today."
She looked down, smiling. "I
do have my moments, sir."
"I'll go on and talk to Inara."
"Talking's good." Her
smile was getting silly, she could tell.
"Now, that's enough of
that. Bad enough I have to worry about River and Jayne." He pointed with
his chin over toward where Jayne and Book were working out. River sat on the
floor near them. Taking apart a very big gun.
"Is that...Vera?"
"Surely looks like
her."
"Does Jayne know that
the girl's got his pride and joy in pieces?"
"He saw her come in with
it, so he must." Mal sighed. "Then again, maybe she wore him down and
he just gave up." He stared for a long time. "They make a powerful
odd couple."
"They are not a couple,
sir."
"Don't know. Girl gets
something in her head; she tends to get her way."
"But...Jayne?" Zoe
knew what her expression was doing. It was one of those grimaces that her
father would have taken one look at and told her to be careful lest her face
freeze that way.
"No accounting for
taste. If there were, a lot more of us would be unborn than born."
She laughed. "You're
probably right." Seeing him eyeing the shuttle, she said, "Go on,
sir. I have a husband to go distract while he's on the job."
"Just don't distract him
so bad he drives my boat into a moon."
Nodding, she turned away, her
hand falling to her stomach as she walked. Only a few weeks along. But soon
enough she'd start to show.
Wash smiled at her as she
walked in; his smile got softer as he saw her holding her belly. For someone
who hadn't been on board with the baby as a concept, he was awfully cute now
that it was a reality. "So, you tell him?"
She shook her head.
"Why not?" He
pulled her onto his lap.
"I decided we should do
it together."
His smile was brilliant, and
she realized that he'd wanted that all along. Sometimes she just didn't pay
enough attention—maybe too much of that ease and not enough trying?
"We'll tell him
later," Wash said, wrapping his arms around her and rocking slightly, the
way he loved to do. "Maybe we'll tell everyone? At dinner?" Everyone
but Simon. He already knew since he'd been the one to tell Zoe.
"Okay."
"Tonight. Let's do it
tonight. Providing no one gets stabbed or blown up or something else
dire."
She laughed. "Okay."
"A baby." He shook
his head, as if he was having trouble figuring out how that happened.
She just laughed.
He stopped rocking. "I
was thinking maybe we should rig a kind of dumb waiter next to the ladder. To
take the kid up and down. Isn't always going to be safe trying to get him or her
down by ourselves."
Simon also knew the baby's
sex, but Zoe had told him not to say. She wanted to be surprised.
The dumb waiter thing was a
good idea. "Kaylee'll help you engineer it once
we tell her."
"She's going to be one
fine built-in babysitter, I imagine." He smiled again, and it was such a
sweet smile that Zoe just had to kiss him. "Whole gorram
ship full of babysitters. Will let us go out and play sometimes." He
seemed inclined not to wait for that play.
When he let her up for air,
she said, "Captain said for me not to let you steer us into a moon."
"Ain't
a moon in sight, wife."
She took his word for it and
let him kiss her. After all, there wasn't a better pilot in the black than her
man.
##
Mal knocked gently as he
walked into Inara's shuttle. "You decent?"
"That's probably a more
involved question than you want to ask." She was sitting on her bed,
unwrapping something that looked like a statue.
"Present?" From the
owner of their merchandise, maybe? Had Inara really
given up her work? How would Mal know?
"Yes, for River."
He realized with a start that
she was wrapping it, not unwrapping it.
"It's Kali. A destroyer
goddess and a protector. She seemed an apt gift for River's eighteenth
birthday." Her smile was brilliant. "I saw it on the way to meet my
friend."
"Your friend."
Her smile faded, and he
wanted the brilliance back. "That's what I'm going to call them,
Mal." At his look, she said, "I think I've proven I can provide some
very lucrative business opportunities."
"Witness our full
hold."
"Exactly."
He paced around the shuttle. It
was suddenly too small and too red and too fancy.
"Mal?"
He turned, nearly ran into her. Reaching out for her shoulders to steady
himself, he caught a hint of her perfume, felt her hair brush across his hands.
That was all it took for him to forget to be angry at her and just wonder why
he wasn't kissing her.
She leaned in and kissed him,
her mouth sinfully lush and sweet against his own. He knew part of what he felt
was a reaction to her not inconsiderable talents for kissing. But most of it
wasn't that. It was because he was kissing her.
Kissing Inara. The woman he'd wanted for so long.
"I'm sorry. I'm
trying." He pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her in the way he'd
discovered she liked. He'd never expected her to react this way to his more
protective instincts. But she seemed to relish that he wanted to cherish her.
"We're getting better. You
didn't call me a whore this time."
"I haven't called you a
whore for some time." Not since she'd kissed him, in fact. He frowned at
her. He really was trying.
"We've never talked
about that. You and me and that word. What it means to you. What it means to me
when you use it to hurt me."
"I don't want to hurt
you."
"I'm twisting my whole
life around for you, Mal. If you ever call me that again, I'll leave you and
never come back."
He'd known that somehow.
She met his eyes, and he
hated that she looked like she might cry. She took a deep breath. "I
just...I needed to say that."
He ran his fingers down her
cheek, then over her lips. "I understand."
"And about my friends. You
don't need to wonder if I'm lying to you. I'm not. But they represent
opportunities. Money that we both need to survive."
He nodded. "It's just
that I don't like the thought of them. I didn't before I knew you were partial
to me, and I particularly don't like them now."
She laughed. "Well,
dislike them all you want. But don't throw them in my face. And don't act like
my bringing in honest transport work is a sin. That's what you do. Transport
stuff. Sometimes more legally than others."
"It is sort of nice to
leave it in the main hold and not have to go to all the work of hiding
it."
"Imagine that?" Her
eyes flashed at him.
"You're so smart."
"Just don't forget
it." She kissed him some more, which probably wasn't the best way of
making him remember anything except how good her lips felt.
When they backed off a bit,
he asked, "Now, can I say something?"
She nodded.
"Doc cleared me for full
duty this morning."
She started to smile.
"In case that
was...interesting to you?"
"I find that it
is."
"Do you?"
They'd held off on doing much
more than kissing and cuddling up close together. She'd been too afraid he'd
pull some stitches out and he hadn't wanted her to hold back. When they finally
did it, he wanted them to really do it.
She began to unbutton his
shirt. "I find that very interesting."
For a moment, he had a vision
of her doing this to other men. Undressing them. The witty banter. The soft
eyes. The silken skin that he would soon see.
Then she looked up at him, a goofy
smile on her face. Her eyes were a little bit...scared.
He started to grin. "Are
you nervous?"
"Hard as that is to
believe...I am."
He didn't have to ask her if
she'd been nervous with any of her clients. He knew better. This wasn't that Inara. This lovely, slightly trembly young woman who was
letting him take off her robes was his alone.
"I love you, Inara. I'm probably going to be an idiot more often than
not."
"That's not entirely unexpected, Mal." She bit down on his earlobe
softly, the motion reaching parts of his body far south of the ear area.
"Anyone ever die in your
bed?"
"Would you like to be
the first?" She smiled, but there was something dark in her expression.
"I'm not going to die. You
saved me. Remember?" She'd saved him in so many ways.
She finished with his
clothes, and they stood naked in front of each other, nothing hiding them from
the truth that he wanted her and she wanted him.
"I love you, Mal. I wish
I could—"
His finger on her lips
shushed her. He wasn't sure what she wished, but he didn't want her regretting
her life. "I know I may not always want to admit this, but your past is
what brought you here. To me. So while I'm probably
going to be uneasy with it a lot of the time, I can't regret it. Because I
wouldn't have you if you'd lived some other life."
"That's a very nice
speech."
"You think so? I liked
it." He grinned at her.
She grinned back, then pushed
him toward the bed, kissing him deeply. As she eased him down and followed him,
she said softly, "If you do die in my bed, you'll die a very, very happy
man."
"I have no doubt of
that," he said.
And then he quit talking for
a spell.
##
Wash leaned back in his seat
and thought of his bachelor days, living alone, when he could have let loose a
satisfying belch to commemorate a fine meal like the one Book had just made
them. It was the only thing he missed from his bachelor days.
Zoe shot him a look, her
eyebrows going up in a questioning fashion.
"Now?" he mouthed.
She nodded.
"We've got an
announcement."
Seven sets of eyes turned to
look at him. He could hear Zoe take a deep breath.
"It's good news."
Zoe punched him softly, her
way of telling him to get on with the telling of it.
"We're gonna have a baby. You're all going to be doting honorary
parents." He nodded at Jayne. "Even you, mister."
"A baby?" Kaylee
looked delighted, as he'd known she would. Girl was so damn sweet. She got up
and hurried around the table, hugging Zoe for all she was worth. Then she
hugged him, too.
Mal was grinning like a fool.
"Comment, captain?"
"Finally, a back-up
pilot. About damn time, I say." Mal lifted his cup. "A toast to our
expanding crew. And Zoe's soon-to-be-expanding waistline."
Everyone drank to their new
baby. Dinner lasted longer than normal, as they planned and plotted and joked
about a babysitting roster. Book started a pool on delivery date, and Simon
lectured Zoe on nutrition now that he had her cornered long enough to listen to
him.
Finally, it was only Mal and Inara left on the other side of the table. Mal had moved
down, was sitting tucked in tight with Inara, his arm
around her. He wasn't hiding how much he loved the woman, and Wash was glad of
it.
"So," Mal's voice dropped down to his "this is serious"
tone. "You're sure about staying on?"
Wash looked at Zoe. They'd
talked about this. She just smiled at him.
"Haven't seen a world
yet that called out our name to settle on it."
Mal looked so relieved that
Wash was touched. "Did you think we'd up and desert you?" he asked.
Mal shrugged. "It's
dangerous out here. On a ship."
"It's dangerous on a
planet, too," Zoe said. When they'd discussed this, they'd talked about
the risks they were putting their child up against. They'd decided it was the
life they were meant to lead. The life they wanted to lead. Any child of theirs
was choosing it when he or she chose them for parents.
"I guess that's true
enough," Mal said. "River wasn't too safe on a world."
"Sure wasn't." Wash
hated to think that his child might end up hurt like River had been. But then,
River hadn't had people like Mal and Zoe looking after her back then. Her life
would have been mighty different if she had.
"Do you know if it's a
boy or a girl?" Inara smiled at Zoe, her
beautiful serenity shaken up a bit by the joy she'd carried so marked on her
face. Joy that Wash hadn't expected to see, and he'd bet Zoe hadn't either. Inara cared for them more than he'd realized.
"Doc knows," Zoe
said. "We want it to be a surprise."
"So
you won't know if you need to knit pink or blue booties?" Inara's tone was gently teasing.
"Zoe knitting?" Mal
laughed. "Besides, knowing her, there's only one color they'll be: brown."
Wash chuckled at the thought.
"Brown leather if I know my wife."
"Have your little
fun." But Zoe didn't look upset. She was smiling, one hand resting high on
her belly, as if she was already in some silent communion with their baby.
Wash wasn't sure he'd ever seen her look more beautiful. Or sexier. "Can
you guys clean up here?" he asked, pulling Zoe up.
She grinned like she knew
exactly what he was thinking.
Mal was quick to answer. "Hey,
it's not our turn."
"We'll owe you."
"But...we did it last
time." Inara sounded seriously put out.
Wash guessed that companions didn't get sick of sex, not if it was with big,
strapping captains named Malcolm Reynolds.
"It is our turn,"
Zoe said to him softly, as she kicked the ladder open and climbed down.
"Tough." He
followed her, then pulled the ladder back into closed mode. "I want my
wife in the worst way."
"I got that
impression," she said as she raced him to the bed.
Turned out she wanted him
just as bad.
##
Inara bumped up against Mal as they straightened the dining
room. She wanted nothing more than to drag him back to her shuttle and get his
clothes off him.
"Taking real advantage of
our good will, those two are," Mal said as he stuck the dishes they'd
washed back in the cupboards.
"Yes, they are." She
was about to kiss him when she realized River was standing at the top of the
stairs. "Honey, are you all right?"
River nodded. "Are you
and the captain getting ready to disappear for the night?"
"We were thinking about
it, yeah." Mal looked at the girl as if daring her to make something of
it.
"Can I talk to Inara before you hole up?"
Inara turned to look at him, giving him an amused smile and
a shrug that told him she was as surprised as he was by this sudden intrusion.
"Go on," he said. "I'll
finish up here."
She followed River out,
catching up with her on the walkway to her shuttle. "Is everything all
right?"
River nodded and hung back a
little as if she wanted Inara to lead the way into
her ship. Once they got there, River didn't say anything, just walked around
the room, touching things that she'd looked at plenty of times before.
Inara sat, preparing some of the tea Mal liked best. "River?"
"Is sex nice?"
Inara took a deep breath. She hadn't expected to be
the one to give this talk to River. But then it was probably preferable to
Simon trying to do it. Inara wasn't sure he'd ever
actually had any sex, much less enough to give a lecture. "It is
nice."
River just nodded, kept moving around the room until she made Inara dizzy.
"River, you said you
wanted to talk."
"I want...I want a
lesson."
Inara could feel her eyebrows going up.
"Not in sex. But in
kissing." River walked over to her. "I want you to tell me if I'm
doing it right."
"Is there someone you
want to kiss?" Mal had told her about River's seeming crush on Jayne.
"Maybe."
"River?"
"Can I kiss you?" The
girl looked desperate.
Inara wondered if Mal would consider this part of her old
life or not. "One kiss."
River leaned in, her lips soft as they bestowed a very acceptable kiss on
Inara. She leaned back. "Did I get the
parameters right?"
Inara laughed. The girl treated it like a math problem. "You'll
do fine. Now, who are you thinking about kissing?"
"Isn't it good to be
prepared? Don't kissing opportunities arise spontaneously?"
Inara laughed again. River had such a great way of putting
things. She smiled up at her. "They do at that." She patted the couch
next to her.
River sat.
"Is this about
Jayne?"
River's look changed into
something wary.
"He's not a nice man,
River."
"I'm not a nice
girl."
Inara frowned. "Who told you that?"
River fidgeted. "I just
know. They took me, and the nice girl died, and all that's left is me."
"Did they hurt you? In a
sexual way?"
River shook her head. "But
they made me confused. They made me afraid of everything. The voices were all
talking and the world had too many layers."
Inara remembered when River had said it was getting very
crowded in her brain. "Jayne can't make that better."
River laughed,
the noise so adult that it was a little shocking. "Didn't think he could. But
maybe I can help him." It wasn't really a question.
"I don't think so,
sweetheart."
"He's the only one who
doesn't treat me like a kid."
"Well, that's because he
thinks you're a scary psychopath."
River got up, smiled down at Inara. "He might have the right of it."
Inara realized that River was starting to talk like Mal and
Zoe and the others. As if she'd been on Serenity, out in the black, all her
life.
"You're you, River. And
that means you're a lot of different things, but I don't believe any of them is
scary."
Leaning in again, River
kissed her on the cheek. "I'm glad you and the captain are happy." She
took a last look around the shuttle, then tripped off in her graceful way.
Inara frowned and went back to making tea. Then she sat
meditating until Mal came back.
"She gone?"
"Yes."
"Can you tell me what
she wanted? Or was it female stuff?"
"Kissing lessons."
"Zaogao. I'm always missing the
woman-to-woman hijinks." He pulled her up and into his arms. "And...?"
"I let her kiss me once.
She didn't really need lessons."
"Interesting
tidbit." Kissing her, he maneuvered her to the bed. "Can we stop
talking about River?"
"Yes, please." Laughing,
she let him push her down. She soon forgot all about River or anything else but
the man in her arms.
##
River followed Jayne and
Simon and Kaylee as they walked through the market.
"Stay close, mei-mei," Simon said, as if she was still a little
girl.
She wasn't a little girl. She
was eighteen now. Today. This day in this space on this world with these
people, she was eighteen. But she would be eighteen on another world in another
space with different people—as long as it was this day.
"River, honey, keep
up." Kaylee was also treating her like a kid.
Jayne ignored her. When he
wasn't shooting nervous glances her way. He veered off, getting away from them,
heading for the luxury goods. They were all flush with cash. The captain had
even given River some, had told her to buy herself something for her birthday. It
was his way of giving her a present, and it was probably a good one. If he was
like Simon, he'd give her some terrible boy-gift that she'd have to take back
if she were on a civilized world. Out here? She'd be stuck with it. By giving
her the money rather than a gift, he opened up the possibilities to a limitless
extent.
River took a quick look
around the market, decided limitless was an overstatement. But there were some
possibilities. "Simon, I'm going with Jayne."
Simon was tickling Kaylee
with some kind of bright feather device. "Okay."
Kaylee frowned, turned to
look at her. "I don't think Jayne really wants company."
"I know. That's why I
want to follow him around—he hates that."
Simon laughed. "There's
not much market, Kaylee. She'll be okay." Her brother grinned at her. "She's
an adult, after all."
River realized that he hadn't
gotten her a present yet and was trying to get rid of her so he could shop and
then pretend he'd had it for weeks. She wasn't sure why he thought he had to do
that. She hadn't gotten him anything for his birthday. But maybe he'd forgotten
that since any lack of sibling generosity had been overshadowed by the engines
exploding and them having to leave the captain all by himself.
She followed Jayne, not
getting too close. Despite what she'd told Simon and Kaylee, she didn't want
him to know she was there. But he seemed to sense her, kept turning around, and
she had to move quick, hiding in a tent full of silky scarves or dodging behind
a big man buying potatoes.
Suddenly, he veered off, and
he had a look on his face she could only call rapturous. He probably wouldn't
call it that, though. She didn't think he knew that word. What would he call
it? Happy? Enchanted, maybe? He probably knew that word. Might not use it much,
but knew it.
He stopped at a table with a
small box of peaches displayed with all the other rare produce. River hadn't
had a real peach since she'd left for the special school that had been more
special than anyone had bargained for. She had to close her eyes, had to fight
off the vision of blue hands coming out of darkness, adjusting something over
her eyes. Tightening something on her head. Then pain—blinding, raging,
for-no-reason-at-all pain.
"Honey? You all
right?" An older woman touched her on the arm. She reminded River of her
aunt Lucille. "Too much sun?"
Sun. Blue sun. River knew
there was a connection to that school and the blue men and the company. But she
couldn't say why she knew that. She just had one of her feelings. It was why
she'd torn all the Blue Sun labels off the cans in the galley when she and
Simon had first come to Serenity. "Too much sun," she echoed, giving
the woman her best, non-crazy smile.
The woman patted her hand and
moved on.
Jayne was still at the peach
table. He was staring down at the fruit, was reaching for his money when a
blonde woman came up to the table. She was dressed all shiny with her hair
piled up on her head. And she had a fan—ivory and some kind of lace that looked
old and expensive. She fanned it outward, as if Jayne had a bad smell and she
was trying to keep it away from her.
River moved closer.
"I believe I was here
first?" The woman shot Jayne a look that sort of went past him, like she
was too good to meet his eyes. "Or were you doing more than just loitering
here?"
River expected Jayne to tell
the woman off. Maybe even punch her—did Jayne hit women? But he didn't. He just
turned red. And not just a little red, really red—River had never seen him turn
so red. Then he turned and walked off, his back stiff, his walk a little more
aggressive than normal. He knocked up against a man, then another, nearly
snarled at a third who happened to be standing where Jayne wanted to walk.
Closing up her fan, the woman
said. "You promised me the peaches." She tapped the vendor's cheek a
little harder than was necessary with the ivory side of the fan.
"You didn't show up
first thing like you said you would." The vendor looked peeved with her. "I
have to make a living, Miss Helene."
River walked up to the table.
"I sure hope those aren't the same peaches poor old Mister Tracey ate. He's
dead now."
Helene looked at her. "Must
have been a different vendor."
River made a show of looking
over the booth. "Nope, same one. Big time sick, then poof! Dead." She
went for the sincere look that so rarely worked on Serenity.
This woman didn't know
better. "I'm sorry, Valle. I can't take a chance." She walked off.
"Ain't
no other peaches on this whole world," he yelled after her. "And ain't nothing wrong with these." He turned to glare at
River. "Why'd you go and do that for?"
"How much for the
box?"
"You can't afford these."
She gave him her "I'm
slightly crazy and I'm getting tired of waiting" look. He named a price;
it was more than she could afford.
She held out what Mal had
given her. "Best I can do." She'd seen the captain cave to a buyer
once when he'd done this. She tried to copy the earnest expression the man had
worn.
The vendor bought it. "Doesn't
hurt my feelings not to sell to Helene. And, well, maybe I was marking them up
a bit for her."
River studied him, saw a mess
of futures running across and around him. Like paintings come to life and
spilling out over him. One was brightest—it wasn't good. "Don't eat any
dog this week."
"I don't eat dog."
"You will this week. It'll
be the last thing you ever eat. Say no to the skewers."
He frowned. "You a far
seer or something?"
"Or something." She
took the peaches, carried them carefully through the crowd, trying not to think
too hard about what she was and how she got to be that way.
"You found
peaches?" Kaylee was suddenly at her side. She was such a fruit slut.
"You can have some
later. After you eat what's on your plate." River winked at her. "Tell
Simon I went back to the ship."
Kaylee nodded, and River
pretended not to know that she had rushed out to keep her from seeing that
Simon was buying her one of the silky scarves she'd hidden next to. At least it
was pretty. Kaylee seemed to be a good influence—even if she'd made some
questionable choices in her own wardrobe.
Book was sitting on the ramp
when she got back. "What do you have there, River?"
"My birthday present
from the captain. It'll go with the cake I'm not supposed to know Kaylee's
going to make." She saw Jayne, walking up, moved so she was in his way.
He stared down at the peaches,
and she thought she saw his eyes dilate. "Where'd you get those?"
"Little booth in the
market. I'm not sure if they're ripe." She took one out, held it out to
him. "Try it?"
Book, who was just in the
process of sipping some coffee, began to choke on it.
Jayne looked as confused as
ever. River wondered if Adam had been this dull when Eve had asked him to test
out the forbidden fruit.
She moved the fruit closer. "You
know you want it."
Book laughed this time. Maybe
that had been a little much? But Jayne wasn't looking at her. He was looking at
the peach. He reached for it, his hand deft as he
snatched it away.
Then he took a look at her face
and he did that gulping thing he seemed prone to when she was around. Taking
out his knife, he sliced into the peach, juice going everywhere as he held it
out to Book, the slice kept safe between his finger and the knife until the
shepherd took it.
"Interesting answer to
the challenge," Book said, popping the bit of peach in his mouth.
Jayne mouthed a lot of words
that weren't nice. He cut off another slice and held it out to her. "Why'd
you decide on peaches?"
"I haven't had them in a
long time." She sucked on the peach slice, tried to keep the juice from
running down her face. "Mmmm." When he went
to give her another slice, she shook her head and pushed past him. "You
two finish it."
She walked slowly, so she
could hear if Book had something smart to say to Jayne.
He did. "Finish the
rest. You know it's forbidden fruit?"
"Don't have to tell me
that, preacher."
"I think I do."
"No, you don't,"
Jayne said. "And why don't you tell her about that. I'm the victim
here."
But he didn't sound very
unhappy about being a victim as he slurped away at his peach.
##
Kaylee smiled as she watched
the captain and Inara trying not to look at each
other during dinner. They both had that cute "Can't wait till we're both
naked again" expression. Kaylee wondered if Simon was physically capable
of making that expression.
Not that he wasn't coming
along. He was—just real slowly. They seemed to be
stuck a little bit past that awkward "does he like me?" stage. And
she was glad to at least be past that. But...wasn't there anything more?
She'd be worried that he was
just making do with her until something better came along if Inara and Zoe both hadn't noticed that Simon didn't seem
capable of relating to anyone. Excepting, of course, his sister. Kaylee was a
little ashamed to say that she'd thought there might be more between those two
than just sibling affection. She'd mentioned it to Inara
once when they'd been on her shuttle, Inara brushing
her hair like she used to do.
"People say we're
awfully close," Inara had murmured, her hand
never stopping the wonderful motion of the soft brush. "But we know the
truth."
Except Inara
didn't. She thought they were close as sisters. But Kaylee hadn't always felt
sisterly toward Inara. There'd been times on the
shuttle that she'd almost blurted out how she'd felt. That had been before
Simon. He'd shown up, and Kaylee had found herself powerful interested.
Plus she'd known Inara and the
captain had a bad case of lust for each other. Just took them a whole lot
longer to catch up to the concept.
Until she'd taken up on
Serenity full time, Kaylee had always loved with a sort of distance. She'd felt
a more enduring emotion for the engines she tinkered with and cajoled and
generally made sing than she did for people. Not that she didn't love people.
She did. But she'd never felt such a strong urge to settle down with just one. To
commit some part of her heart and soul to another.
It was scary. And it hurt a
lot of the time. Most probably cuz she didn't think
Simon was ready to do that. And even once he was, she wasn't sure it'd be her
he chose to settle down with.
He was so fine and pretty and
smart. He belonged on one of those steel and flash worlds, not on the backwater
planets they usually frequented. He needed a steel and flash woman.
Simon suddenly leaned over
toward her. "What are you thinking about?"
She could feel herself
blushing, caught making trouble, even if it was only in her head. "Nothing."
To her surprise, he reached
under the table and squeezed her hand. Then he let go and went back to his
dinner, laughing at something River said to Jayne, and the way Jayne started to
sputter.
Pushing back from the table,
Kaylee went to fetch the cake she had a pretty good idea River knew about. But
it was tradition; birthday cakes were supposed to be a surprise, and she'd
uphold that to the bitter end. She lit the candles. Only eighteen. She could
remember turning eighteen. Could remember how possibility seemed to open up
once you were an adult, once you could legally go wherever you wanted and do
whatever you wanted. Not that she'd done much other than hang out at the
spaceport. But it had been what she'd wanted to do and where she'd wanted to do
it, so that had been fine. And she met Serenity that way. Her good girl.
"Do you need help?"
Simon walked behind her.
"Nope. I'm fine."
"You seem very
quiet."
"Just woolgathering. Maybe
I got too much sun?" She smiled. The open, easy smile that people seemed
to accept before going on about their business. Kaylee had learned that nothing
hid secrets as well as pretending to be an open book.
Simon pulled a wrapped
present out of his coat pocket. "I put both our names on the card."
She felt a pang. That was
such a together thing to do. "But I didn't go in on it with you."
"You helped me pick it
out. This year she might actually like what I got her."
Kaylee wondered about that, though. There were plenty of times she thought something
was pretty and Simon didn't. She hoped River fell out on her side of the taste
spectrum more often than on her brother's.
"Thank you, by the
way." To her surprise, he leaned in, kissed her gently on the mouth.
It took her a minute to pull
herself together enough to say, "For what? For helping. T'weren't nothing."
"For being patient with
me. And for making a real cake this time."
She smiled. Finding real eggs
had been a coup—and an expensive one. It'd been why she hadn't bought a gift
for River. A real birthday cake was going to have to be her treat.
Picking up the cake, she let
Simon lead them back in. Wash started the singing as soon as they hit the
stairs. Between all of them they had about four keys going, but somehow the
song still sounded okay.
River smiled at Mal. "Vanilla."
"Vanilla." He
grinned at her, and Kaylee was struck by how at ease the captain was with River
now. He'd been the last holdout, never getting too close. But since he'd been
hurt, he'd been real gentle with her. Spending time together—when he couldn't
run from River's different way of just being—had done them a world of good.
Kaylee handed River the knife
and went to fetch the peaches she and River had sliced up. As she carried them
back, she saw River grin and pretend she was going to stab Jayne.
"Ain't funny, girl." Jayne glared at River,
but not very convincingly.
River turned her attention to
the cake, cutting into it as if she expected heavy protein product. She let up
immediately as her knife slid through the airy confection. She stared at it for
a long time, then looked up at Kaylee. "This is real?"
Kaylee smiled and shrugged. "Found
some eggs. Thought you might like a true cake. Only turn eighteen once, after
all."
She was shocked to see
River's eyes fill with tears. "Thank you."
Sometimes the simplest
kindness seemed to be too much for the girl. But River blinked the tears away
and turned a brilliant smile on the rest of them. "Who wants cake?"
Not a soul turned it down, or
the peaches, neither.
##
Simon saw that Kaylee was
eyeing his peaches with definite lust. He smiled. "Open your mouth and
close your eyes."
She did it without question,
and he thought she looked very alluring. Slipping the peach slice into her
mouth, he watched as she closed her lips around it, an ecstatic sigh escaping
from her as she ate it.
"Anybody else getting
hot in here?" Simon asked softly, and Kaylee laughed, her eyes opening.
"Just a peach," she
said.
"Yes. A peach for a
peach." He touched her nose. Then he turned back to the others. No one was
paying them the least bit of attention, primarily because River was opening her
presents. She'd started with his and Kaylee's. The red scarf looked beautiful
on her as she wound it around her neck. Just the right tone to set off her
coloring.
"Thank you," she
said.
"See. Perfect," he
murmured to Kaylee, and she smiled.
"We're eating the
captain's gift," River said. "He bought the peaches."
Mal smiled. "Best
present ever." Winking at River, he went back to eating his second piece
of cake—Kaylee had outdone herself on the confection.
Zoe and Wash gave River a
soft wrap of some kind.
"Pretty-pretty,"
River said, holding up the pink thing, then wrapping it around her shoulders. "And
warm." She buried her nose in the fabric, smiling happily.
"Gets cold on
board," Zoe said gruffly, but she was smiling.
Book got her a bible. "Thought
you might like to mark up your own copy."
River laughed. She opened Inara's gift, admiring the statue and how the black
material shone with a deep gleam in the light. "Kali Ma."
"That's right." Inara smiled. "She protects."
"And destroys." River
met her eyes, then looked at the captain. "Like a gun."
"Guns don't usually have
a choice as to how they're used."
"Good point." River
opened the last gift. It was from Jayne, and Simon wondered why she'd left his
present for last.
It was a gun. River beamed.
Simon looked at Jayne. "Are
you out of your mind?"
Mal stepped in. "Girl's
been learning to shoot and take care of weapons, and Jayne's been the one teachin' her."
"But—"
"But nothing." Mal
looked like there was no sense in debating this. "She's already killed. Might
as well make sure she doesn't kill one of us because we were too timid to teach
her up right."
River met Simon's eyes and
grinned the way she had since she was a little girl and had won a point from
him. "I'm good. I can get better."
Simon sighed. "I guess
it's all right." He felt Kaylee twine her fingers with his.
"It's only a little
gun," Jayne muttered. "Never did fit me right."
"Thank you," River
said, staring at him with unusual intensity.
Simon wondered if she was
thinking of shooting Jayne with it.
Thankfully, she put the weapon
down and asked Kaylee for another piece of cake. Mal took that as a sign to
have thirds. Kaylee and Jayne split what was left of the peaches. The rest
drank coffee and watched the others gorge.
It reminded Simon of old
family holidays. Before River had been taken away and family no longer meant
what it had.
Once he'd rescued River, he'd
thought she was going to be his only family. Now he had this strange group of
people who, if not his family, at least looked out for him and River better than
his parents had the last few years.
He squeezed Kaylee's hand,
and sipped his coffee, for once not in a hurry to get anywhere else.
##
Book found River in the small
living area. The ship was quiet; everyone else was asleep, or at least in bed.
"Preacher."
He smiled. "Did you have
a nice birthday?"
She nodded. "Nice
presents. Feel a little sick, though." She'd ended up having three pieces
of cake—Book had warned her not to take that last bit. She grinned at him. "I
won't throw up here."
"Do it on Simon's
bed."
"That's the
tradition."
Book sat down next to her. "So.
You're an adult now."
"Seems like." She
sounded like the captain.
"Blending in here well,
too."
"Blending's good." Now
she had Zoe's tone.
"Yes, it is if you want
to fit in with the natives." He met her eyes, kept his expression stern. The
shepherd's face folks couldn't lie to. "Maybe native things take on an
extra allure? Or native people?"
"Like who?"
"I'm not blind to what's
going on with you and Jayne, River."
"You say it like it's a
condition contrary to fact. But you're not blind at all, so it doesn't make
sense."
"You're stalling with
semantics."
"Is it working?"
"No."
"Aiya. Huai le." She looked down. "You
should leave this alone."
"Why?"
She smiled, the smile
secretive and full of power. "Because I said so."
"I could tell
Simon." Boy hadn't been able to see Kaylee was sweet on him until she
about clobbered him over the head with the fact. It was a cinch that he wasn't
seeing what was going on with his sister and Jayne.
"You could tell
him." She didn't sound the least bit worried.
"Maybe I will."
"I'd think long and hard
about that." She reached over and took his hand. "You've been nice to
me. No matter how crazy I got, you were there."
"I care about you,
River. It's why I care about this."
"And I care about you. It's
why I'd hate to see Captain Mal kick you off his boat."
He just stared at her.
"You remember Early? The
bounty hunter?"
He'd been out for most of
that. But he remembered how things had changed—primarily with River—after that.
"What about him?"
"I could hear what he
was saying to Simon. He said you weren't a shepherd."
"He was crazy. Simon said
so."
"Crazy like I'm crazy,
shepherd." She smiled. "I could start digging. How long do you think
it would take for me to find the truth?"
He wasn't sure if she meant
digging in the central databases or in his thoughts. He wouldn't put either
past her.
"You'd hurt me that
way?" He tried to pull his hand away, was going to have to use force if he
wanted her to stop touching him.
"Don't want to." She
let go of him. "I have my own reasons for what I'm doing. You need to let
me do what I want."
"Not with Jayne."
"You work out with him. You
joke with him. You like him."
"That I do." He couldn't explain it to the girl. Just that he felt
protective of her and more than a little for Jayne, too. And he didn't see this
crush of hers going anywhere good.
"You like me, too?"
"River, you know I
do." He took her hand back in his, sure that he'd hurt her by trying to
pull away.
"Then trust me,
Book." She met his eyes, and he felt like he was looking into his
grandma's eyes. So wise. So sad. His gram had seen too much of life and had
been tired of most of it. But she'd always been full of faith in things that
mattered. Her own worth and his, too. And in God and the way He worked. Mysterious
ways—just like River's.
"Girl, I don't have a
good feeling about this."
"I accept that. Just
don't get in my way, okay?"
Book sighed. "Okay."
"No running
interference. No meddling. And no warning him off."
That was harder to agree to.
"Book, please?" She
smiled, again conjuring up his gram.
"Just be careful." He
leaned in, kissing her on the forehead. "I do care about you, River."
"I love you, too,
Book." Then she got up and walked into her room, sliding the door shut
gently.
Book sat for a long time,
pondering the ways God—and wise women who'd tasted pain young and too often—worked.
They were, indeed, mysterious.
##
Jayne sighed, trying for the
third time to work up his courage to meet River's crush head on. He managed to
get words out this time. "We gotta talk,
girl."
River sighted down the little
pistol he'd given her. It looked just right in her hand, didn't seem so small
when his meaty paws weren't swallowing it. "You talk," she said. "I'm
gonna stick to shootin'."
He studied her, frowning. She
never used to talk like that. She'd been like her stuck-up brother, all proper—even
with the crazy thing—using full words, words that ended in "i-n-g." He sighed loudly.
She squeezed the trigger
gently, both eyes open, sighting flawlessly. He heard a metal container go
flying off the rock—a perfect shot. Letting the gun fall to her side, she stood
in the early afternoon sunshine, her skirt and red scarf blowing softly in the
breeze that smelled like dust and sagebrush and all the things that made worlds
like this hard and unwelcoming.
Staring up at him, she said
softly, "The others are all gone."
Even Book had left them to go
into town. Jayne couldn't believe Book had deserted him, although it had been
with a stern look that seemed to dare Jayne to make the wrong choice.
He tried to answer her in a
business-like way. "The others aren't learning to shoot."
She rolled her eyes. "I
know how to shoot." She lifted the gun. Didn't even sight, just squeezed
the trigger three times, moving the gun between each shot. Sizing up the target
even though her hair was blowing in her face. The bullets flew perfectly into
the other containers, which went flying off the rock like mad things.
"Well, then you don't
need me." He turned, ready to make the right choice.
"Are you sure?" Her
voice dropped, turned husky. "Are you sure you know what I need?"
He stopped. "No, I'm
pretty sure I don't know what in the gorram hell you
need, girl. I know one thing, though. I don't need you. Don't need this kind of
headache. Don't need to be lookin' over my shoulder
every time you come near me, wondering if you are going to flirt with me or
stab me deep."
"With a knife?"
He turned to look at her. "What
else you gonna stab me with?"
She walked toward him, and
this time her look wasn't teasing. It was sad. It was full of some kind of pity
that he didn't think he liked too much. She laid her hand on his chest. "You
were stabbed here long before I did it." Her hand was warm; he could feel
the heat of her through his t-shirt.
He swallowed. "Leave me
be, River."
Her eyes never left his, her
voice dropping so he could barely hear her. "She was pretty. Hair like
spun gold and blue-blue eyes and soft ivory skin."
Half the women he'd pinned up
on his wall fit that description. More than half, maybe.
River leaned in. "She
said she wanted you."
He tried to look away, found
he couldn't.
"She said she needed
you."
He could feel his mouth
settling, could feel something rising up inside him. Powerful and hurtin'. Pain he'd pushed down long ago.
"She said she loved
you."
"Stop it."
"She laughed at you. She
let you take her somewhere quiet. Somewhere pretty. With water running and
grass growing. Smells that should be happy, but aren't for you."
"Shut up, girl."
"She had friends there. Watching.
Hidden. You spoke your heart to her." A tear spilled out of River's eye,
running down her cheek, and Jayne was finally able to look away from her and
watch the tear collect at her cheek then fall to the ground.
It landed hard. The way he
had. Hard and jumbled up inside when Melania's friends had started to laugh,
when she'd batted him with her fan and begun to giggle in the way he'd always
found cute till she'd used it as a weapon.
"You loved her,"
River whispered.
"I didn't."
"She was the last person
you loved."
He'd been fifteen at the
time. Crazy in love. Not caring that he was nothing like Melania. Suddenly, it
hadn't mattered that he'd been known for being big and strong and simple. He'd
been more than just someone destined to be a welder like his pop and his
grandpop before him. Up to then, he'd never felt like he was special. Particularly,
not compared to Melania. He'd watched her all his life. Always out of reach. Till
one day, when he'd grown taller and bigger than all the other boys, she'd begun
to show him some attention.
He'd thought she was sweet on
him. That his dreams had come true. But it had all been for the sake of
meanness. He'd never been good enough. And never would be. After her, the only
thing left had been to be bad. He couldn't be less big, or any smarter. Couldn't
make a smaller mark in the world. But he could change. He could make sure no
one ever hurt him again. By becoming mean in his own way.
River pushed harder on his
chest. "She cut you all up inside. Left a mark—a big old knot. It keeps
you from letting people in. Keeps you from loving anyone." She pulled up
his shirt so quickly he didn't have time to stop her before her lips were lying
soft on the spot where she'd stabbed him. "I tried to cut the knot out. That's
why I stabbed you."
"That's not what it
seemed like you were doing."
"I was confused back
then. Everything was all jumbled." She moved her lips, following the scar.
He pushed her away, enough
that her lips didn't feel like they were burning through the wound she'd made
and diving down all the way to that older one. "Don't matter now."
"Matters to me."
"Shouldn't. I ain't a good man. You know what I did on Arial."
"I know." She
pulled his shirt down.
"River, you got to let
up on this. I don't have one single thing you need. Nothing I can do for you
that other men can't do better." The smell of sagebrush and dust had
faded; the smell of tall grass and a summer stream were strong in his head. He
felt small. Felt used up and thrown out.
He turned away from her,
brushed at his eyes.
"She was pretty."
He nodded.
"I'm not." River's
voice reminded him of how he felt. Like she knew what she was and found herself
wanting.
He wondered if she found it
easier to ignore that kind of knowledge. If that was why she focused on crazy
things that kept her mind off hardness, off shortcomings and how easy it was to
be hurt when you didn't understand how the world worked.
He turned to look at her. "I
think you're pretty."
She didn't ask for more, just
stared up at him all calm and waiting.
"You move like a deer. Not
one wrong step."
She smiled.
"And you smell
good." He remembered when he'd tried to tell Melania why he loved her. He'd
tried to dress up his words, known they'd come out wrong from her expression. Mocking.
Amused. He'd stopped with the words, moved on to kissing. That's when her
friends had laughed. That's when she'd pulled away, her eyes so cold they froze
him where he sat.
River's eyes were warm. "You're
a bad man. But you don't have to be."
"I'm not sure I've got
any use for being good. A bad man may be all I'll ever be."
She pulled him down, her
hands on his neck surprisingly strong. Her lips were soft, and they opened
under his a little, her small body pressing against his.
He was kissing her. He didn't
kiss women on the lips. Not ever.
But he was kissing her. And
it was sweet. He wanted to kiss her forever.
For a moment, he let himself
have her. For a moment, he imagined pulling her onto him the way he'd wanted to
pull Melania onto him. The way he'd pulled a lot of other women onto him since.
Women he'd never let give him a proper kiss.
He pushed River away gently.
He expected anything but her
smile—a strange smile. Not hurtful or mocking. Not amused and ready to call the
others back and make fun of him. But...proud. She looked proud. Of him.
She touched his hand softly, letting
it linger for a moment in a way that made him feel warm inside in a
non-special-hell way, then she turned and walked to the targets, setting them
back up again.
He watched her as he wiped
his hands on his pants, trying to get control of his breathing. He had to stop
himself from touching his lips.
She walked back, her eyes
completely business like as she held out her hand for more bullets. Reloading,
she looked up at him, smiling gently. Then she pointed her gun at the targets,
and, without appearing to have sighted where the new placements were, she
fired. They all went down, one after the other.
Her eyes never left his.
"A bad man wouldn't have
stopped." She held her hand out for more ammo. "A bad man would be on
top of me now."
He felt off balance, a little
dizzy as he handed her the bullets. "You think I don't wanna
be?" He moved his feet a bit, planting them farther apart. Making himself
steady—or as steady as he was going to get around her. "You can't kiss a
man like that and not get him to wanting you bad."
"It was a good
kiss?" She seemed very young. Very innocent.
"Well, I ain't the best to judge that." He'd kissed a total of
two women in his life: Melania and River.
She smiled again. "A bad
man would lie about that." She let out her breath, like she'd been holding
it or something. "Let's go hunting. There are rabbits on this world."
"You think?"
She nodded. Then pointed at
something he'd already seen but hadn't thought she had. Rabbit pellets. Old but
not too old.
"You've got your gun,
haven't you?" she asked.
"Course I got my gun. You
think I'd come out here unarmed with a crazy person like you?"
She grinned. "You might.
You're not all that smart." She looked worried, like she thought that had
been too much, too mean.
Grinning, he tried to show
her he was okay with it. "I'm smart enough. Don't see as how being smart's
been a blessing for you." He looked at her quickly, afraid that he'd taken
it too far.
He had hurt her. But she
didn't pull away. Instead, she reached for his hand, and he let her take it. Even
though he didn't like to hold hands, not this way, with arms swinging easily as
they walked. It felt too much like it was all good and innocent and leading up
to something he ached for suddenly way too much.
"What do you want from
me, River?"
"Just treat me like you
always do."
"You want me to be mean
to you?"
She nodded, making a little
shrug that was so helpless and confused and downright cute he wanted to scoop
her up and kiss her some more.
"River, you better tell
me about the special hell."
Her laugh was sweet and
girlish. It was the sound of Melania's laugh before it had turned mean. For a
moment, he felt as if he was standing watching his younger self walk by. "It'll
be okay," he murmured. Half to River, half to that younger version of him
that was going to have his heart squashed.
But not forever. Maybe not
forever.
Her hand tightened on his,
and she hummed a little song as they walked. He saw that she'd stuck the gun in
the pocket of her dress.
"You put the safety on,
didn't you?"
The look she shot him said
volumes.
"Look, you're a crazy
person. I have to ask."
"And you care."
He didn't answer. Could feel
a grin threatening to take over his face.
"And you care," she
said again, bumping up against him.
"Maybe. A little."
"Ooh. There's one."
With one cool movement, she dropped his hand, pulled the gun out, poked off the
safety, and shot the critter.
She ran out to it, her steps
like a ballerina. Holding up the rabbit, she smiled as she pointed at the hole—the
bullet had gone right through the beast's head, killing it instantly. Easy to
dress the meat. No shattered bones. No metal fragments. And no fear—Jayne
thought fear made meat taste kinda funny, even though
he'd never admitted that to anyone.
She waited for him to catch
up. "Your turn," she said, as she turned the safety back on with one
quick move of her finger, then twirled her gun like some badass cowboy before
jamming it back into her pocket. An eyebrow went up, her eyes sparkled, and she
reached for his hand again.
As he scouted around for a
bunny to take out, she started humming again and swinging his hand. He felt
like some weird mix of dirty old man and kid again. Looking down at her, he
smiled, then smiled bigger as her eyes turned soft.
"You're real pretty,
River. Don't let anyone ever tell you you're not. You've got the cutest
freckles on your no—" Movement stopped him. He dropped her hand, had his
gun out and ready to fire nearly as fast as she had. His shot wasn't quite as
good, but damn near. He gave her a triumphant grin, as he said, "Go get
our food, woman."
She just stood there, not
moving, except to swing her trophy a little.
"Yeah, I didn't think
you'd fall for that." As he trudged out to gather his first kill, he
decided that River was very, very sexy.
"Thank you for my
gun," she said.
"You're welcome."
She ran after him and took
his hand, smiling up at him, before scanning like mad for the next thing to
kill.
Damn, she was hot.
Jayne knew it was going to be
a very long afternoon. Probably the first of many. This wasn't going to be
easy. And that was okay. Because for the first time in his life since Melania
had cut him down, he didn't want to rush a woman into his bed.
River looked up at him, a
brilliant smile on her face. As if she could read his thoughts.
For all he knew, gorram girl could do just that.
FIN