DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2020 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.



By Djinn



You sit with Spock in the mess

Trying to get food past your throat

You want to pay attention to him

To your friend, who knows you're aching

But all you can focus on is

That they're going to take Chris away

Bones will have to report her injuries

Her lack of response to treatment

He's down a doctor and it's been a week

You know Starfleet has better facilities

But you won't be there and she'll know

Won't she? She'll know




Sorry. Distracted




Bones comes into the mess

And you hate seeing him

Your other best friend

Here to break your heart

Here to tell you she's being readied for transfer

You breathe in sharply, loudly enough for

Spock to turn to you




It's time


Your voice breaks as you say it

You swallow visibly, but you don't care

If Spock sees it—if he recognizes the fear

He knows how you feel and he's

The only one who's given you hope

After he melded with Chris, trying to wake her up

Unable but sure she's still in there

She just wasn't...reachable yet


Tell me she'll wake up




For the love of God, tell me that

Or I'll never be able to let her go


Vulcans don't lie and yet he says she will

She will wake up and you mustn't lose hope

And he almost—almost—sounds like

He actually believes that

And then Bones is sitting and you're ready

You're ready to hear that he's tearing her

Away from you


We had a meeting


Who had a meeting?

You let him go on, don't ask stupid questions

Hoping against hope that a meeting means

He found a way—any way—to keep

The woman you love on board

And he has

Not a solution that works for long

But for a few more weeks, they'll cover her shifts


She'll be listed as recovering, not...unresponsive


She can stay?


She can stay


Spock studies Bones, finally asks him

A question you want to throttle him for

But also know is exactly right

He's the conscience in this, the voice of reason

Of protocol and the greater good

Because you can't be—not about this

Did Bones ask them to do it—put pressure on them

Out of affection for her, his deputy, his former nurse, his friend?


It has to be voluntary, Doctor


It is


You need to go to her and you leave your tray

Because they'll take care of it the same way they're

Taking care of you and her

A moment later you're in sickbay

In the quiet, darkened room she lies in

Machines breathing for her, her skin

Shining from regen but it looks better than it did

Yesterday and the day before that

She's improving—on the outside, anyway


Hi, sweetheart. You don't have to leave

Bones found a way, but you need to wake up

You have to come back to me


There's no change in her vitals

No sign she can hear you until

You take her hand like you have every day

Since she was hurt and you feel...something

A squeeze—a pulse, something anyway

So you say it again, closer to her ear, lower

Husky, the way she likes your voice when

You're making love, when she takes you in and

You forget everything except her


I love you, Chris


You haven't told her that yet

You were still new and even though she was

All you could see, you were both cautious

You'd both been hurt

By declarations said too soon

And you thought you had time

Until you found out you might not

So you tell her now, over and over


I love you, I love you, I love you


And each time, you feel it

The slightest tension, pressure

Her, there, hearing you

Working to get back to you

Stubborn—she's so relentless when

She wants something, whether it's a billet

On your ship to look for Roger or the last of the

Cookies you grabbed from the mess

If she wants this, she'll fight her way back


Where were we?


You let go of her hand and sit in the comfy chair

Nurse Hampton dragged into the room for you

You reach for the padd you keep by the biobed

As you settle into the peace of the room

Into the steady sound of her breathing

The memory of her fluttering strength

Against your palm bolsters you

As you resume reading her headlines

News from home, anything that's

Happy and good and funny

Things that would make her laugh

If she were awake

Things that will make her laugh again

When she finally wakes up

You stop reading, reach for her hand


I love you

Come back to me


You feel the answering squeeze, stronger this time

Closing your eyes, you exhale a week's worth

Of hell—you're tired, so damned tired

But she's going to be okay

She has to be

You realize you're squeezing her too hard and while

Her breathing is the same and her eyes stay closed

You feel...something

And it makes you smile as if you're

Suddenly a touch telepath like Spock

You imagine her reaction to how run-down

You've let yourself become

The way her voice would dip, becoming

Husky in a mix of lust and concern

The ways her eyes would shine

The lazy smile—so sure she can distract you

And always, always right about that


What's it going to take, Jim, to make you

Stop working and come to bed?


You, Chris. Only you