DISCLAIMER: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters are the property of Mutant Enemy, Joss Whedon, and Fox Studios. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2002 by Djinn. This story is Rated PG-13.
One Fun Little Hobby
by Djinn
Willow trembled as another
cramp took her. She stopped for a moment
and bent over, panting deliberately until the pain receded a bit. She looked up in time to see Tara disappear
around a corner. Afraid she would lose her
if she gave in to the pain, Willow straightened with a small groan and started
walking again.
She wasn't exactly sure why
she was following Tara. She hadn't
planned to. She was supposed to be in
class, but hadn't been able to concentrate.
The withdrawal pains were holding on with a vengeance. Magic had been a lot easier to learn than it
was to give up. She had thought she was
making progress when she was investigating Buffy's sudden invisibility. But now it looked like that had only
distracted her. Her need to do magic was
practically screaming inside her. She'd
left class, hoping that the walk and fresh air would do her good. It hadn't.
She'd finally decided to tough it out at home when she saw Tara out
walking. And without even an idea why,
she had set off after her.
And she was leading her a
merry chase. Willow couldn't remember
Tara ever walking this fast or this far.
Fortunately she was also making a lot of stops,
giving Willow time to catch her breath and fight the pain. She rounded the corner and saw Tara head into
a bakery. Willow touched her stomach,
pushing in and trying to will the pain away.
She felt the magic respond and pulled her hand away quickly. It would be so easy to stop this, just one
little spell.
Tara came out of the store
holding a piece of paper. She sat down
on a bench and began to write. Willow
realized that she must be looking for a job.
She'd never really thought about how Tara would live now that she'd
moved out. She remembered Tara saying
her scholarship had paid for tuition and books.
And the dorm room had been covered too.
But the dorms were full now and she'd have to pay the rent for an
apartment herself. And for that she
needed money. "Oh, Tara,"
Willow whispered. "Come back."
"Yeah and this pathetic
stalking routine is sure to entice her."
Willow turned quickly and
felt cramps overwhelm her. She could
just make out a person through the pain.
"Go away, Anya."
"Scarier people than you
have said that to me." Anya frowned
at her. "Cramps?"
"Yeah. How'd you know?"
The ex-demon shook her
head. "When is it going to sink in
with you people that I've seen a lot in my time?"
"What do you want?"
"I don't want
anything. I was taking the deposit to
the bank and saw you here. And saw Tara
too. It doesn't take a genius to figure out
what's going on."
"Because if it did,
you'd never get it." Willow whispered the insult; she was in too much pain
to talk louder.
"I heard
that." Anya reached over and pulled
her up. "Come on. I'll make you some tea. It'll help."
"But Tara will see
me."
"Doubt it. She's halfway down the block now."
Willow struggled to get away. "I have to follow her."
Anya's grip was like
steel. "I really don't think you
do." She pulled her down the
street. "Come on. You'll feel much better if you just let me
help."
"Why are you being so
nice?"
"I'm not. I just thought if you felt better, you might
stop being such a whiner. Between your
little problem and Buffy's attitude, nobody is focusing on the important
issues, like me and my wedding."
"I should have known you
wouldn't be doing this out of the goodness of your heart."
Anya didn't answer. Just unlocked the door to the Magic Box,
removed the small note that said "Back in ten minutes," and guided
Willow to the table. "Sit. Don't move.
And don't talk."
"Yes, ma'am." Willow
clenched her teeth as another wave of pain rolled over her, then said,
"And I was doing fine, you know.
Tara wouldn't have gotten so far ahead if you hadn't distracted
me."
"Oh right. Like you would have been able to keep up with
her much longer anyway." Anya
plugged the electric teakettle in and measured out some herbs.
"Hellebore? You're using hellebore? And that better not be rue."
Anya didn't turn around as
she replied. "Look, if you think
you can make a better infusion, you're welcome to try. Oh wait, you gave this up, didn't you?"
Willow didn't answer. When Anya brought her the cup, she drank down
the nasty concoction without a word.
"That's better,"
Anya said with satisfaction as she stuck a little bag of the herbs into
Willow's book bag. "In about ten
minutes you'll start feeling better.
This is for later. Use a scoop
per cup, every four hours."
"Thanks," Willow
muttered.
"Yeah, you're
welcome." Anya said as she walked
back to the counter and began to check the herbs, making notes for
restocking.
Willow watched her for a
while, then began to notice that the cramps were lessening. "Hey, it's working."
"Well, of course it's
working. Just because I'm not a demon
anymore doesn't mean I've forgotten everything I learned." She opened a jar of damiana and gave it a
suspicious sniff. "This smells off
to me." She walked over and held it
under Willow's nose. "What do you
think?"
Willow took a deep whiff. The scent filled her nose. And Anya was right. Something was off. "I think it's old." Then she realized what she'd done and began
to panic.
Anya dumped the herb
out. "I'll have to check the other
jar downstairs. Make sure it hasn't
turned too." She turned to
Willow. "You don't have to freak
out. That wasn't magic you just
did."
"It wasn't?"
"It was knowledge. You knew what it should smell like and it
didn't so you knew it was off. Like
chemistry."
"You did that on
purpose. Made me smell it."
"Uh huh." Anya walked over to the case that held the
more valuable items. She picked up a
ceremonial dagger and admired the scrollwork.
Then, she turned to Willow and threw the knife at her.
Willow didn't think. She only reacted. Her magic deflected the weapon before she had
time to blink.
The dagger clattered to the
floor and both women stared at it for a moment, then Anya walked over and
picked it up. "Nice
reflexes." She inspected it for
damage, then carried it to the case and went back to her inventory.
Willow could feel her heart
beating rapidly; she gulped in several large breaths of air. "You stupid
bitch. Why the hell did you do
that?"
"To show you
something."
"What? That you're a complete psycho?" She grabbed her bookbag.
Anya took another jar
down. "I just think you're missing
the whole point."
"Which is what?"
"That there's a
difference between using magic and abusing it." She turned to her. "Who told you you
had to give it up?"
Willow looked at her in
confusion. "Well, Tara
said..."
Anya shook her head. "Tara said you were using too much
magic. Not that you shouldn't be using
it at all."
Willow put her bag down. "But what I did with Amy, and
Rack..."
Anya rolled her eyes. "For such a smart person, you really are
dense, you know that?"
"What's that supposed to
mean?"
"What do you think it
means? Magic is a tool, Willow. But it's a powerful one. Either you control it, or it controls
you. And it's not like you aren't a
person who's driven to excess."
"Meaning what?"
"Hello, remember that
vampire self you had to go and conjure and wreck my spell. Even undead, you're an overachiever. You couldn't just be a bloodsucker, you had
to be the most monstrous vampire out there."
"That's hardly the same
thing. It wasn't even me."
Anya raised her
eyebrows. "And it's not like you
turned out anything like her?"
Willow frowned. "Well, I don't drink blood."
"Whatever. I'm just saying that maybe you should rethink
this whole, 'I suck and I can't ever use magic again' routine. What happens if we need you to use it?"
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because I can't control
it."
Anya laughed. "You mean you aren't sure it won't
control you again."
"Look everyone else
agrees that me using magic is a bad.
Where do you get off telling me to keep on it?"
"It's not a drug,
Willow. It may be convenient to think of
it that way, but it's not very accurate."
"Oh, like you
know."
"I do."
The phone rang and Anya
answered it leaving Willow momentarily alone with her thoughts. Could Anya be right? Maybe she didn't have to give magic up? Then Willow remembered Rack and how he made
her feel. How good it had felt to give
up to the power like that.
Anya hung up the phone. "That was Cordelia."
Willow couldn't keep the
dislike out of her voice. "What did
she want?"
"Some advice. On demons." Anya's smile was strangely smug. Then she turned serious again. "You think you can't handle magic, that
you'll become evil or something. Well
that's just lazy, if you ask me."
"I didn't ask you."
"I don't care. I have a stake in this."
"Now I'm supposed to
believe you care about me?"
Anya stepped closer. "I know you don't like me. And you know I don't like you. But what I do like is living. And loving Xander. And last year, you and your magic were
instrumental in making sure I got to keep on doing both."
"I don't need magic to
help."
Anya sighed. "Okay, sure—you solved this latest
crisis with your brain. But you were
taken prisoner, Willow, by a bunch of geeks.
You. Witch girl. Prisoner.
You could have taken them out.
Why didn't you?"
Willow looked down.
"Why didn't you? They could have killed you. Or any of us."
"You said it yourself,
they're geeks. They aren't going to kill
anyone."
"They almost killed
Buffy. If you hadn't noticed the setting
was wrong..."
"But I did. The Willow who doesn't use magic and is in
major pain did notice that. I don't need
the magic." She winced as a cramp
hit.
"Ok. But maybe the magic needs you." Anya walked back to her inventory.
"Aren't you afraid of
what I'll become if I go back to it?"
Willow's voice was very small.
"Yeah. If you go back to it right this
minute." Anya turned. "Who trained you?"
Willow frowned.
"Who taught you to use
it? Who told you how to be safe with
it?"
"Nobody did. Well I mean, except Tara."
"And Tara knew barely more
than you do now. You need a
teacher."
Willow made an impatient
sound.
"You think you know so
much, but you don't. You don't know half
of the things you should. You don't
understand the laws or any of the things that really matter."
"Maybe I should have
stayed with the Wicca group, huh? I bet
I could be planning a bake sale by now."
"You can be as sarcastic
as you want. It doesn't change the fact
that you've been lucky so far, Willow.
You found the right books and you didn't really hurt yourself or any of
us too badly the times you screwed up.
I'd almost be inclined to say the powers that be wanted you to succeed,
to help save the day. But now the crisis
is over and it's time to learn things the right way." Anya stretched for one of the jars on the top
shelf. "Do you think I started
granting wishes and carrying out vengeance the minute I became a demon? I had to study for a long time with D'Hoffryn before I was ready."
"Are you saying I need
to study with him?" Willow thought
of his talisman, which was hidden away well enough to have survived Buffy and
Dawn's purge of all things magic.
"No, not him. He's basically in the business of
vengeance. I mean someone who
understands witchcraft. Someone way
stronger and a whole lot wiser than you.
Someone who knows the right way to do things."
"I don't know anyone
like that."
Anya turned. "Well, I do. Do you want me to get in touch with it?"
"It?" Willow gulped.
"Not everyone that
matters is human, you know."
Before Willow could respond,
the front bell rang. Tara pushed the door open.
She didn't notice Willow at first, just smiled at Anya and said,
"You were right. Mr. Delpaccio is hiring.
I don't know how to thank you, Anya."
Willow coughed.
Tara looked startled. "Willow."
"Hi." Willow smiled at her. A gentle smile, not the forced one she'd been
wearing lately.
Tara seemed to relax a bit,
although her expression was still wary.
"Are you getting supplies?"
Willow shook her head. "I gave it up."
"Magic? You gave magic up?"
Anya laughed. "I tried to tell her that wasn't what
you meant."
Willow looked at her
thoughtfully. "Was it, Tara?"
Tara seemed torn. "You were using it too much,
Willow. For things that you didn't need
to, things you could have done for yourself.
And you were using it to hurt people.
You know you were."
"Yeah, ok. I screwed up.
But did you want me to give it up altogether?"
Tara swallowed visibly. "I just wanted you to be more
careful."
Willow's frustration became
intolerable. "Did you want me to
give it up forever?" she yelled.
Tara shook her head.
"No."
"But you said to go a
week without it."
"Just a week,
Willow. To see if you could."
"Where's the line,
Tara? When is it okay to use it and when
isn't it? That's what I don't
understand. That's what I don't
see." She grabbed her bookbag and
headed for the door. "You're never
happy, are you? I gave it up. I'm trying to do the right thing. I'm in pain, and I'm afraid, and I'm left
with nothing, but that's just not enough for you. It's never enough for you."
"Willow..." Tara
reached for her but Willow shrugged her hnd off.
"Let her go,"
Anya's voice was surprisingly firm.
"She doesn't want your help—or mine."
Willow opened the door.
"If you change your
mind, I can contact that teacher for you.
Think about it, Willow."
Anya's voice was reasonable and tempting.
Willow turned. "I can see why you were such a good
demon."
Tara said softly, "Baby,
please don't leave like this."
Willow felt the magic
growling inside her. The pain was coming
back. She saw the little bag of herbs in
her bag; touched it but felt no relief for the anger that filled her. She looked at the two women in the store,
realized how easy it would be to destroy them.
To bring the roof down on them and leave them lying in a pile of rubble. Or to cause the small candle that was burning
to flare up and burn them alive. She had
the power. She would always have the
power. That hadn't changed. Her anger receded. She would always have the power. She looked at Anya. "It's never going to go away, is
it?"
Anya shook her head. "It's not like being a demon. This is yours. Whether you let it control you, or try to
ignore it, or even maybe seek to master it, it's yours forever."
"That's just
great." Willow spun on her heel and
walked through the door, closing it loudly behind her. So, the magic was hers...forever. Forever was a very long time. The cramps hit again. A very, very long time.
FIN