DISCLAIMER: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel characters are the property of Mutant Enemy, Joss Whedon, Lazy Dave, Kuzui, and Fox Studios. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2004 by Djinn. This story is Rated PG.
Not Done Yet
by Djinn
Angel sees her in his dreams;
she's fire and blood and life. She's what drives him, what pushes him ever
onward. Once, he kept fighting to be worthy of her, to one day be with her. Now
he knows she's moved on, moved away. That she loves another.
Buffy doesn't love him
anymore.
He wakes, the thought ringing
through his head. He remembers that day, long ago, lost now, turned back
forever, when he and Buffy made love, when he was human and they touched and
kissed and ate ice cream in his bed. His bed in the first place he lived in
L.A. The place that burned down. Fire scorching everything he held dear. Except
his friends.
Some of them lie around him
now. In this cave, where they've retreated from the powers they tried to
destroy. Wolfram and Hart is back to old management. Angel
and his team are on the run. On the run...but not dead. Or not all of them.
He sits up, looks over at the
fire that fills the cave with dancing light. He takes in the people who lie
scattered over the dark, damp earth, counts them out of force of habit. All
present. All the ones still living anyway. Mostly soldiers left now, Riley
Finn's soldiers who appeared at the other end of the alley and fought the
monsters, trapping them between them and Angel's group. It should have been the
final battle, the last hurrah for Angel Investigations, but Riley made the
difference for them. For some of them. Not for Gunn, though. Or for Fred or
Cordy—only death came earlier for them. Not in battle, but still they died
fighting the good fight.
He likes to think that
anyway. All the women in his life are dead. Darla, Fred, Cordy, Lilah, even
Buffy—dead to him now, even if she lives. She's been dead before, twice before.
Illyria survived. Illyria who
sits in the back of the cave with the half-lucid Wesley who rose from the dead.
Her tears gave him back his life, he said, stroking her face in a way that
Angel thought would surely get him torn limb from limb. But Illyria allowed the
touch. Now she sits holding him, his head on her lap. She's singing softly in
the Fred-voice that gives Angel the creeps—and comforts him too. Is she still
in there? Somewhere? His Fred? The woman he doomed to death by saving?
Does she forgive him?
Does Cordy?
He misses her. His Cordelia. The
woman who kept him grounded, kept him humble. Made him laugh. He loved her.
But not like he loves Buffy.
How could Buffy forget him?
He sighs. Buffy forgot all of
them. He's not special in that. He looks over at Spike and realizes the other vampire
is sitting up, leaning against the wall and watching him. Their eyes meet
across the fire. As one, they turn to look at Riley, their rival.
Their one-time rival. Riley
is sleeping, his arm thrown around Sam, the wife Angel never expected him to
have. What was Riley thinking? Moving on? Wasn't he going to love Buffy
forever?
Riley didn't even know that
Buffy had moved on to the Immortal.
"She's with the
who?" Riley asked, when Spike told him where Buffy and Dawn were. He
didn't sound terribly concerned. Just hooked his arm around Sam and smiled at
her. "Buffy's happy? Good for her."
"Good for her," his
wife echoed, her eyes meeting Riley's in what Angel recognized as communion.
It's why Riley doesn't care
that Buffy doesn't love him anymore. Riley's moved on.
Angel should be happy Riley's
moved on, because maybe someday Angel will too. Riley can show him the way, how
to keep on fighting the good fight, far away from the tiny slip of a woman who
they both loved.
A soft sigh makes Angel turn
back to Wesley. Wesley never loved Buffy. Angel isn't even sure Wesley liked
Buffy. But then Angel isn't sure anymore who or what Wesley likes. His friend's
a cipher to him, never more so than now as the man lies curled around the demon
that killed the woman he loved. The woman they all loved in some way.
Fred died so that Illyria
might live.
Cordy died...why? Angel
thinks of Cordy, and memories of Connor and Jasmine arise. That terrible moment
when they killed the last chance for peace. When they killed truth hidden in
the body of utter ugliness. Ugliness clothed in an illusion of beauty and
grace. Truth. Illusion. Which was she, this granddaughter of his? Jasmine would
have saved the world.
But the price was too high.
Or was it?
Spike gets up, pushing
himself awkwardly to his feet. He took a beating. They all did.
"You should get some
rest," Spike says, sitting down on Angel's leather coat as if it is a
picnic blanket and not Angel's last link to everything he knew.
"Get off the coat,
Spike."
"Or you'll what?" Spike
pulls out a pack of cigarettes then seems to think better of the idea and
pushes them back into the pocket of his own coat, now ripped and torn but still
wearable. "What do you think of that?" He points with his chin toward
Riley and Sam.
"I'm fine with it."
"You think he's happy
with her?"
Angel turns to look at Spike.
"Why wouldn't he be?"
"I saw how he looked
when he found Buffy and me together." Spike smiles. "Yeah, that's the
look he had too. He's just making do, that's all."
Angel looks over at Wesley—he
may just be making do. But Riley? "No. There's something more."
"What?" Spike's
voice is a little desperate, as if he wishes he knew Riley's secret.
"Riley gave up. Finally.
He gave up on Buffy." Angel looks down. "I'm not sure we ever
will."
Spike doesn't say anything. Just
plays with the dirt, drawing symbols in the ground.
Angel tries to make sense of
them. Finally realizes what Spike has written: B+A and B+R and B+S.
Then Spike rubs his hand
through the symbols, leaving Buffy with none of them. He looks over at Wesley. "Does
he see her? Or just Fred?"
"I don't know."
"What do you see?"
"I see Illyria."
Spike nods. "Me too. I
think he sees something else." He gets up and walks to the mouth of the
cave and pulls out a cigarette.
Almost against his will,
Angel joins him.
"You want one?"
"No." Angel stares
out at the stars. The moon is high and bright, lighting up the trees below.
"Something out
there?" Riley's voice would have startled Angel if he hadn't heard him
coming.
"Buffy," he
whispers, hears Spike echo the name.
"She's pretty far
away," Riley says softly, leaning against the wall. "And for the
record, I do love Sam."
Spike smirks. "Methinks
he doth protest—"
Angel can't help but smile as
Riley throws Spike back against the wall of the cave. Hard.
"I'll show you
protest." Riley looks like he's itching for a nice stake.
Angel's tempted to hand him
one.
Spike's face changes. "I
can fight you now, Captain America. Let's finish this finally."
"Is there a reason you
are fighting each other?" Illyria asks, and this time Angel does jump
because he didn't hear her coming—the way she moves gives him the creeps. But
he realizes her strange voice is becoming less so by the day. He's even getting
used to the blue hair.
"Soldier boy here's
asking for it," Spike says, pushing Riley away.
"Vampire boy here's an
idiot," Riley says, pulling out a stake he must have had all along.
Angel suddenly admires his
restraint.
Illyria pushes between them,
ending the conflict but pretty clearly not caring. "They will send others
against us?"
"I imagine so,"
Riley answers when Angel and Spike don't.
"We will kill them. I
will enjoy that." Illyria smiles an ugly smile, then turns and walks back
into the cave, back to Wesley. The Fred-singing starts up again.
"Nice girl. A little
creepy, but handy to have around in a fight." Riley sits down cross
legged, ignoring Spike as he stalks back into the cave. Once he's gone, Riley
looks up at Angel. "I really hate him."
"Yeah. I get that."
Angel sits too. "I still don't like to think of him and Buffy..."
"At least you just have
to think about it. I had to see it." Riley looks over at Angel and grins,
and Angel finds himself responding. Buffy had good taste.
Well, except for Spike.
"Sam's a fine
woman," Angel says.
"She surely is." Riley
doesn't look at him, his gaze seems fixed far away. All the way to Italy maybe?
"Do you ever miss
her?"
There is a long silence, and
Angel wonders if Riley thinks he will be betraying Sam if he says yes.
Finally, Riley whispers. "When
I let myself."
"Yeah. I get that
too." Angel thinks of Nina, gone now, safely out of town. He knows he's
made her a target by getting close. Hopes she is okay wherever she is. He will
go find her.
Maybe.
Someday.
Riley's sitting, staring out
at the night. Angel watches him, wonders what the young man has been through
that allows him to sit so still, as if he's a vampire himself who doesn't need
to breathe or move. There's a gleam, and Angel realizes it is Riley's wedding
ring, shining in the moonlight.
"Aren't you going to
tell me I should find a nice girl, settle down?"
"Not if it's going to
make you truly happy." Riley shoots him a wry grin. "Buffy told me
about the curse."
"Is there anyone she
hasn't told?"
Riley laughs, his face
lightening with the expression, making him look like the kid he probably still
is in some ways.
Angel suddenly feels very
old. "You and Sam and your soldiers. You don't have to stay."
"We fight demons. Demons
are here. In large numbers. More fun for us." Riley shoots him a stern
look. "We stay till it's over."
"Why?"
Another grin, this time
sideways. "Because Buffy would never forgive us if we didn't." The
look he shoots Angel is half envious, half amused. "She always loved you
best."
"Really? You
think?" Angel worries he sounds too needy. Cordy would be bopping him on
the head about now. Fred would just sigh and look sad. Darla would have
scowled. Nina...Nina would just give him the longsuffering look of a woman who
knows she's lost before she even got in the fight. "I'm with
someone."
"No, you're not." Riley
is watching him, his look sad, full of...pity. Riley pities him? "If you
were with someone, she'd be here."
Angel doesn't answer.
"Sorry," Riley says.
"That was out of line. I don't know you; I could be wrong."
"You're not wrong. That's
annoying, by the way."
Riley pushes himself up in
one smooth move. "Yeah. I get that." His grin is a mixture of cocky
and contrite as he walks back into the cave.
Angel sits for a long time,
then he hears a noise. Then another. Footfalls coming up the path toward the
cave.
He stands and is about to
whisper into the cave that they've got company, when he sees the moon glint off
of light hair, sees a woman move out of the trees.
She smiles up at him. "Heard
you might need help with some demony things?"
"I might." He's
grinning. Like a fool. When was the last time he did that?
"I brought
reinforcements." Buffy moves aside, letting Faith and a host of other young woman walk by her, past him and up into the
cave.
"Hey, big guy,"
Faith says, stopping to give him a quick hug.
"Hey, you," he says
back, letting her go so he can stare at Buffy.
"Yeah, figures." Faith
laughs, the sound happier than he's ever heard it. "That's okay. I have
someone waiting for me to get back when this fight is over." Then she's
gone.
Buffy walks up to where he is
standing. "Are you okay?"
"No. I've lost people I
care about."
"I'm sorry." She
looks like she might take his hand but thinks better of it.
"You're with
someone." He doesn't make it a question.
"Yeah."
"Me too." He
doesn't sound very sure of that.
"That's good." She
doesn't sound very sure of that either.
"Yeah. It's good that
we're with other people." He sighs, looks away. "Only...I thought you
were cookie dough. Not done yet."
"I'm not done yet."
"So
he's your oven or something?"
She laughs. "Maybe. Maybe
he's the mixer. Maybe he's the spatula. I don't know. I'm just sorry I thought
up that lame analogy in the first place."
"Yeah, me too." He
turns to look out again, keeping watch because it's easier than watching her.
"I'll always come."
She leans against him, her shoulder butting up against his arm. "When you
need me..."
"I know. Me too." He
reaches out, isn't surprised to find her hand right where his hand is, her
fingers twining with his.
"Slayer." Spike's
voice is suddenly the thing Angel hates most in the world.
Angel looks around for a
stray piece of wood.
Buffy doesn't let go of his
hand, just reaches out with her other to Spike. "Long time, Spike. I
thought you were dead."
"Yeah, well, you know
how that goes." He takes Buffy's hand, stands there, his expression more
blissful than Angel's ever seen it.
"I so do." She
smiles at Spike, a sweet smile, but not the same one she gave Angel a moment
ago, and he's glad.
Maybe she really does like
him best.
"Riley's here. With
Sam." He feels the need to tell her that, to protect her from the shock. He's
about to tell her about Illyria, then realizes she probably doesn't care.
"I know." She
smiles. There's no jealousy in her expression.
Angel's feeling positively giddy.
He just wishes Spike would go away. Would Buffy mind if he borrowed her stake? He
sees Spike eyeing the stake too, realizes the other vampire is probably
thinking the same thing.
"If either of you make a
move, I'll stake you myself." Buffy's smiling, even as she lets them both
go. "So, where can a girl get some shuteye around here?"
"I'll show you," he
and Spike both say at once.
Buffy just rolls her eyes. Spike
is the first to turn away, going into the cave ahead of them. Buffy turns back
to Angel, her look open and full of something that for a moment looks like
longing. Then it's gone, and she's just smiling. He follows her back into the
cave, the firelight dancing across her body as she walks around his coat to
give Riley a hug.
The flames flicker on her
face, and she leans down to greet a sleepy Sam. As she rises to look back at
her slayers, her eyes taking in Wes and Illyria and the rest of the soldiers,
her skin drinks in the firelight and turns to blood, to life.
To everything.
She's everything that drives
him.
Still.
FIN