DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and
Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are
copyright (c) 2013 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.
A Mirror, Not a Window
by Djinn
You
walk the corridors of the ship.
Alpha shift has just ended and you are bored and feeling the tingle that
starts in your toes and works its way up. You smile, the small quirk of the right
side of your mouth—a more caustic look than you would show normally but
tonight youÕre...hunting.
What
do you have a taste for?
Who
do you want to be?
You
walk a bit longer, past the turbolift, past the gym and the sweaty, beautiful
bodies inside it. Bodies you could
add to your collection but youÕve got enough of one already. ItÕs a risky game you play, but you play
it well, have since University.
Roger
never figured out you slept with Brown—or with his little prize pupil
runner-up Andrea. He always thought
you were faithful.
Faithful
isnÕt in your vocabulary.
Risk
is. Danger is. Stolen, but never careless, moments
are. Sex is best when the stakes
are high.
But not too high. The
worst thatÕs likely to happen if youÕre found out is that you get transferred
off the ship. ItÕs unlikely anyone
will kill you—you donÕt think theyÕve fallen in love with you.
Unless youÕre really off your game.
But
the possibility exists, you suppose, for a dire ending to all this, and thatÕs
frightening—but exciting, too.
Life lived too far from the edge bores you.
You
see Chekov coming out of the gym.
He smiles at you, opens his mouth to speak and you give him the look
that has shut him up so many times before.
You
may like to live on the edge, but this boy canÕt spell discretion much less
exercise any. YouÕd be better off
fucking an open comm channel.
ÒChristine,
are you...looking for company?Ó The
boy is brave tonight.
ÒIf
I am, PashaÓ—you use the diminutive with sarcasm dripping from your lips—Òwhy
would I look at you?Ó
He
blushes and stands a little straighter.
ÒYou are not a nice woman.Ó
ÒNo? Because IÕm not interested in you?Ó You lean in. ÒThat would make ninety-eight percent of
the women on this ship not nice.
The other two percent are just morons.Ó
His
color deepens. He has tried to tell
Len how mean you are to him. Len
just laughs and tells Chekov to quit hitting on you and youÕll quit shooting
him down so harshly. Len has the
benefit of thinking heÕs the only one youÕre fucking—even if you only
fuck him once in a blue moon—so he feels free to laugh at the poor, dumb
boy.
Good
old Len.
YouÕre
tired of Pavel baiting so you turn and walk off,
leaving him standing insultus
interruptus
in the corridor.
You
want something softer. What you
really want is Janice, but she transferred off the ship after watching yet
another woman fall under the captainÕs spell—although you suspect it was
Lenore Karidian who really drove the final nail in
the ÒIÕll love James Kirk foreverÓ coffin.
Jan thought what you and she had was just something
that happened when you two had too much to drink and got to commiserating over
your mutual unrequited loves.
Because
clothes always come off when youÕre bitching about men who donÕt love you. Mouths always open, tongues always touch
gently. Janice was a master with
her tongue—no way she hadnÕt been with women before, the way she could
make you come.
You
could go to Ny, but sheÕs not the same.
You have to coax her and it takes forever. She only lets you have her because sheÕs
lonely, but itÕs not you she wants.
You think she loves the captain and Spock. You suspect she doesnÕt tell you either
of those things because she doesnÕt want to hurt you over Spock and doesnÕt
want you telling Jan about Kirk the next time you see her. Ny is going to be a whole lot of work
and while youÕre in the mood to hunt, youÕre not in the mood to hunt all
night—you want something easier.
You
could go to Len, but you donÕt want something that easy.
You
walk down to engineering. Something
has kept you away from Mister Scott, but he would be a good addition to your
set—if he didnÕt sort of turn your stomach.
You
see him standing at the engineering console, watching one of his woman
engineers working at the far side of the room. HeÕs got a look thatÕs a mixture of
admiration—probably for her breasts: the woman looks like she should not
be able to stand upright—and of disgust.
HeÕs
muttering. Something about women
not belonging in the engine room.
You heard this from Brown enough time in the lab before you fucked him
into submission. You donÕt actually
relish doing it again with this yahoo.
Scott
looks up, smiles at you. ÒLass,
whatÕre you doing all the way down here?Ó
You
give him the sweet smile you know he expects. ÒReminding you that you have a physical
due.Ó
He
scowls. You imagine thatÕs a look a
woman of his might see a lot. When
they werenÕt seeing the inane look he wears when heÕs in love. You saw him with poor Mira Romaine. ÒCanÕt we work something out?Ó
ÒMister
Scott, really.Ó You give him a look
that would make Spock proud and leave.
Sulu, maybe?
HeÕs dreadfully earnest at times, but if you catch him on the right day,
he can be loads of fun. YouÕre just never sure which Sulu youÕre
going to get. And now that you
think about it, he may be off the ship anyway for a fencing tournament.
HeÕll
be pumped up when he gets back, though.
If he wins, heÕll be on top of the world and ready to celebrate in the
most physical way possible.
If
he loses, heÕll be ready to work out his frustrations in the same way.
Win
win for you.
Two
men left, then. Both require
extremely careful handling. A
careful hunt, which is what youÕre in the mood for, and the payoff
will be huge. You save them for
nights when you really need a pick-me-up.
Because you have to be extra careful with them. They arenÕt like Len or Ny or Sulu.
They
actually move you.
Or
maybe itÕs the work you have to do to get them that moves you. Who you have to become to get them that makes you love them, want them, never tire of them.
TheyÕre
the two who will kick you off this ship if they ever figure out what youÕre
doing. You have to be cagey to make
sure they donÕt.
Spock with his mind meld. Jim with his scary intuition and ability
to show up the last place on the ship you expect him to be.
Which
one will it be tonight?
You
decide on Jim, go to his quarters, and ring the chime. He answers, seems surprised to see you.
Perhaps because Spock is in his quarters. They are not playing chess.
They
have glasses in front of them—SpockÕs is not water. You think perhaps itÕs
wine.
You
are not sure how to play this. But
your persona for each of them is similar so you put on a betrayed
face—not too betrayed, though—and ask in a small voice, ÒAre you
celebrating something?Ó
Jim
studies you, and you wonder if he and Spock have been talking about things that
happen in beds late at night.
Then
you realize that given the tableau youÕve just walked in on, they could talk
all night about that and your name might never come up.
You
stand and wait, knowing the situation is awkward without feeling it the way you
would if you were a more normal person.
ÒYou could offer me some wine,Ó you finally say, then
look at Spock. ÒAnd since when do
you drink?Ó
He
looks up at you. ÒWhat I do or do
not drink is none of your concern.Ó
You
glance at Jim. He is clearly
waiting for your reaction.
ÒYouÕre
right, Spock.Ó You sit down on the
bed, the only spot left to sit since they have the chairs. ÒAs long as you perform as robustly as
you have in the past when we have sex, you can drink yourself into
unconsciousness any other time for all I care.Ó
It
is the most reckless thing you have ever done. You are not entirely sure why youÕve
done it, except that heÕs angered you—and you think theyÕre on to you
anyway. Better to go out
unapologetic and fighting than like the meek little doormat everyone thinks you
are.
ÒWow,
brazen first move.Ó Jim grabs a
glass and pours some wine, then hands you the glass. ÒSo, you shouldnÕt let Spock meld with
you when youÕre asleep.Ó
ÒI
think let is probably not the right
word.Ó You stare evenly back at
him. ÒDid you tell him to?Ó
He
nods. ÒI saw the way Bones was
watching you. He has a certain look
when heÕs involved with someone.Ó
ÒWeÕre
not involved. We just have sex
occasionally.Ó
Spock
studies you as if you are a specimen under his microscope. ÒCompared to you, TÕPring has great
personal warmth.Ó
ÒProbably
so.Ó You sip your wine. ÒIs this Vulcan?Ó
Spock
nods. ÒFrom my familyÕs vineyards.Ó
ÒItÕs
good.Ó
Jim
seems impatient with the polite enological small talk. ÒChris, youÕre in a great deal of
trouble here.Ó
ÒAm
I, Jim?Ó You raise your eyes slowly
to meet his. ÒWhy is that? Because who have I hurt?Ó
ÒThis
is a morale issue.Ó
ÒHmmm.Ó You swirl the wine gently. ÒAre you sure youÕre not just angry that
you werenÕt the only one I was sleeping with? Is it a morale issue or is it your morale thatÕs the problem?Ó
YouÕre
enjoying this. This
honesty, finally. You donÕt
think it will get you anywhere, but it feels good, liberating even.
ÒI
am a little irritated with you.Ó He
looks away.
ÒJust
a little? And you?Ó You meet SpockÕs eyes. ÒYou used me after the Pon Farr, when the burning wasnÕt quite gone, and then kept
on using me—isnÕt that the story you told yourself?Ó
ÒIt
was. It no longer is.Ó
ÒWhy? Because I came to you that first
time? You needed me, didnÕt you?Ó
ÒI
wanted you. I did not need
you. I would not have died.Ó
ÒYou
never said you loved me. You never
said anything about exclusivity—or even that we were in a relationship. WeÕve barely spoken outside of your
quarters. Is there some way IÕve
betrayed you, Spock, by taking other lovers?Ó You lean in. ÒOr is it just that I took Jim, too?Ó
ÒI
am not with Jim.Ó
You
see Jim glance at Spock. There is
something in his expression. Something...untapped.
Something in the way Spock looks back at him.
You
know longing when you see it. On a
human or a Vulcan face.
ÒBut
you want to be.Ó
ÒI
did not say that, Christine.Ó He
glances at Jim, who is suddenly busying himself with pouring more wine. Spock looks like a man who may not have
said it, but very much meant it.
And
you smile. You see where this hunt
can take you. If
you want it to.
ÒI
have three other lovers, gentlemen.
Ny is not that interested, so she will be easy to disengage from. Hikaru will
take longer but I am relatively good at this.Ó
ÒAnd
Bones?Ó
You
shrug. ÒHeÕs my least
favorite. HeÕs needy.Ó
You
see JimÕs mouth tighten.
ÒI
call it like I see it. He wants too
much. If I have feelings—and
IÕm not actually sure IÕm capable of them, if you must know—itÕs for you
two.Ó You watch them to see if that
statement is of any interest.
It
appears to be.
ÒI
just...cut back more and more until I donÕt see Len at all. ThatÕs the easiest way to unload him.Ó
ÒCold.Ó Jim looks at you as if you are a thing
he might see at the reptile house at some zoo.
ÒHonest. I assume thatÕs what you want me to do. Fix this morale issue? Or are you transferring me off?Ó You dip your finger into your wine, run
it around the rim of the wine glass, making the glass sing. Both men watch you, and you think they
donÕt know they are doing it.
ÒI
should transfer you off.Ó Jim
throws his drink back, pours another.
He
never drinks this way. You know
something is different tonight. You
know what it is, too.
ÒIf
IÕm going to be transferred off anyway, then you should indulge.Ó You hand Spock your wine glass, see a
flicker of something in his eyes, and wonder if he has figured out what you are
doing.
You
pull your top off, hold it out and ask, ÒDo I put it back on or do I let it
drop?Ó
Jim
says, ÒPut it back onÓ as Spock says, ÒLet it drop.Ó
They
look at it each other.
You
laugh. ÒSpock wants you, Jim. He knows that if you both take me,
eventually heÕll work his way around to having you. Maybe not this time. Maybe not the next time. But eventually. And then, youÕll probably get rid of
me. And by then, IÕll probably be
ready to go. I tire of things
quickly.Ó
ÒLike
Korby?Ó Jim laughs softly. ÒYou
searched for him.Ó
ÒI
searched for him on your ship. There were other ships going directly
there. I wasnÕt in that big a
hurry. Not once I saw you.Ó You turn to Spock. ÒAnd you.Ó
Jim
takes your wine glass from Spock and puts it on the table. He shakes his head, then mutters, ÒPut
your damn shirt back on, Chris.Ó
Spock
looks disappointed.
ÒBreak
up with them all. Sleep with anyone
else on my crew and youÕll be off this ship.Ó
ÒUnderstood. I reserve the right, however, to exclude
you two from that threat.Ó
SpockÕs
mouth almost flickers up.
JimÕs
does not. ÒGet out.Ó
You
stand and pull your shirt over your head.
ÒBut I notice youÕre not transferring me off your ship, Jim.Ó
ÒSir.Ó
ÒJim.Ó You touch Spock on the shoulder, feel
him lean into you, but this doesnÕt surprise you. Of all of your relationships on this
ship, the one you have with him is the most uncomplicated. ÒIÕll behave in public. The way everyone expects me to. But someday, the longing you two have
will get to be too much. And youÕll
need to slake that thirst for each other.
And I donÕt think youÕll slake it in each other at first. I think youÕll need me. And thatÕs why youÕre keeping me
aboard.Ó
Jim
looks like heÕs ready to toss you out an airlock.
ÒAnd
I was serious, Jim. I canÕt break
up with Len fast. HeÕs...fragile
and heÕll make my life a living hell.
But IÕll get it done. The
other two: consider them over.Ó
He
nods.
You
crouch down in front of him, put your hands on his knees. ÒAre you sad?Ó
You
can tell he wants to push you off him, maybe knock you to the floor.
You
laugh. ÒIÕm sad. You were amazing in bed. So is Spock, in case you want to file
that fact away.Ó
Pushing
yourself up, you dig in, leaving nail marks in his legs. ÒIÕll see you around, Jim.Ó
He
grabs your arm, yanks you back down.
ÒSir.Ó
You
smile and say nothing until he lets you go. Spock is watching you with a look you
canÕt entirely read but think might be grudging admiration. Jim looks so angry you think he really
might space you.
You
wait to see. YouÕre living on the
edge. Dancing on the edge is
probably more like it.
ÒGet
the hell out of here,Ó he finally says.
Safe
again. For one
more day, anyway.
FIN