DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and
Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn
and are copyright (c) 2011 by Djinn. This story is
Rated R.
Matchmaker, Matchmaker
by Djinn
The
Idaho sun was glorious, the air fresh, and the sound of horses and creaking
saddles filled the air.
"I
told you that you needed to get away," Antonia said as she took Chapel's
arm and led her to the barn.
"You spend way too much time locked up in metal ships and stuffy
offices."
"Well,
you're not wrong about that."
Chapel smiled at her friend, happy to have someone who was not in the
"biz" in her life, even if she didn't see her much. "I've missed you."
"Oh,
pfff. You
haven't missed me at all. You've
been too busy on that Starship of yours with Captain Bravado."
"I'm off the Starship. And he just goes by Kirk now."
Antonia
laughed. "Cock is more like
it. From what I understand from the
locals."
Chapel
mock slugged her in the arm.
"Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"
"I'm just saying what I've heard..."
"Well,
you've heard wrong. Captain Kirk is
a very nice man--and so, okay, he sort of follows a certain part of his anatomy
when he's inclined. He's not
involved with anyone." Or if he was--and that person was Spock--he was
playing it damned close to the chest.
"I've seen how loyal he is to his friends. I bet he'd be that loyal to anyone he
was really serious about."
"He's
not capable of being serious about anyone.
According to the gossips."
"Why are you listening to them?"
"Waiting
to see if there's any talk about you and Spock." Antonia laughed and pulled Chapel
faster. "Why are we talking
about Starfleet things, anyway? We
need to pick out a horse for you."
"About
that. Horses and I...we're not
really the best of friends."
"Look,
you keep an open mind about horses and I'll keep an open mind about infamous captains,
how's that?"
Chapel
didn't think that was an entirely fair deal since a meeting with Antonia's
horses was imminent and it was unlikely her friend was ever going to meet Kirk.
Unless...
"Hey,
I forgot to tell you. Captain Kirk
is having a big party next week in San Francisco. I can bring a friend."
"You're supposed to bring a date. Not a friend."
"Well,
but I don't have a date." Not
unless Len was currently unoccupied.
They did have a convenient "friends with options" arrangement
but it rarely proved handy for events like this--one of them was inevitably
otherwise involved and they didn't like to flaunt their extracurriculars
in front of crewmates. "So, I
can take you."
"What about Spock?"
"Will
you let that go?" Chapel
laughed. "I told you last
time. I'm over him. And he was never interested in me."
Antonia
stopped. "You really want me
to go to the party with you?"
"I
really do." Chapel knew
Antonia would be fun company. And
it would be worth not having a dance partner to see her friend crumple against
the JTK charm.
"Oh,
all right." Antonia stopped in
front of a stall. A big, black
horse stood inside, looking like he wanted to eat Chapel for breakfast. "I think Satan would be a good
match."
"Bitch."
"I'm
not." Antonia clucked softly
and the horse came forward, burying his nose against her. "I never am. It's my downfall with men, you know
that."
Which
would be tragic if Antonia weren't drop dead gorgeous. She always attracted a new man before
the last one was even a memory.
Although
Chapel had never understood why Antonia couldn't keep a man. She was beautiful, sweet, funny,
graceful, and athletic. It was
unfair just how perfect she was. So why didn't men stay with her?
Not that Chapel had much room to talk in that
department.
"Look behind you," Antonia said.
Chapel turned and saw a smallish gray horse
standing quietly.
"Her name is Mia. She's very sweet."
Chapel
went over and was surprised when the horse put her head over the stall door and
gently nosed her.
"Just
the horse for you. Very good natured. Nothing like my boy here. I don't let anyone else ride him. You'll never leave me, will you, my
black one." She kissed Satan
on the nose then helped Chapel saddle up Mia before getting her horse ready.
"Up
you go," she said, pushing Chapel into the saddle, then
mounting Satan.
Mia
was extremely easy to ride. Chapel
was exaggerating a bit about her antipathy with the equine members of the
planet. She had ridden; she'd just
never really enjoyed it.
Mia
she enjoyed riding. She looked over
at her friend who was watching her with a fond smile on her face.
"You were right. I'll say it now."
Antonia laughed and led them off at a gentle
canter.
------------
Kirk
circulated among the guests at his party, smiling and joking as he made sure
the waiters kept everyone well fed and fully stocked with their beverages of
choice.
"Nice
shindig, Jim," Bones said as he and his date--a woman he said was a
neighbor from Georgia but Kirk had never seen on any of his visits
there--filled their plates at the buffet.
"Great place to rent out."
The
party was in one of the old San Francisco houses--pieces of the city's history,
lovingly preserved and available for lease--that had come open at the last
minute because of a cancelled wedding.
Kirk didn't like to profit off someone else's bad fortune, but he'd
taken advantage of the ultra low fee and decided to throw a "well, that
voyage is over now, too" party.
"Where's
Spock?" Bones asked softly, his lady friend abandoned for the moment.
"Don't
think he's coming. Already off with
his cadets probably." Or Saavik. The
girl--young woman now, actually--who Spock had rescued from Hellguard
and could never quite let go of.
Kirk hated to admit he was envious of his friend, but he was. He had a son he wasn't allowed to see. Spock had a girl who wasn't his blood
who loved him like a father.
It
was funny how things worked out.
Carol used to say that Kirk couldn't settle down. That space would always call him. He wasn't so sure of that anymore. Not when space had kicked him loose,
sending him careening back to another desk job.
Another boring desk job. Even if he was
supposed to be shaping young minds.
He was determined to abandon curricula debates as often as he could and
stow away aboard the training cruises as an observer. There had to be some benefit
to being a living legend.
Although
he knew it was a bad sign that he hadn't even started and he was already having
parties to get the old group together.
"You okay, Jim?"
"Just wallowing, Bones."
"Never
let it be said you're not a pro at that, my friend." Bones looked toward the door, his eyes
narrowing. "Who's that with
Christine?"
Kirk
nearly rolled his eyes. How long
did his friend and Chapel think they could hide their little arrangement? Bones would be jealous all night of whomever
Chapel was with but once he was free again, he wouldn't go for her. And Chapel wouldn't go for him.
Some relationships really were just about
convenience.
He
turned to see who Chapel was with now and was
surprised to see she was with a woman.
A beautiful woman.
And extremely damn beautiful woman.
He went to say hello.
"Sir,
lovely party." Chapel was
grinning at him with the open, easy smile of someone who had seen him at his
worst and liked him anyway.
"This is my friend Antonia. She's dying to meet you."
Antonia--perfect
name--glared at Chapel. Then she
turned to him. "Hello."
"Hello." He could tell this was a woman who was
not going to succumb to anything too overt. So he turned away and focused on
Chapel. "Chris, what have you
been up to?"
She
gave him an odd look. They'd just
had lunch two days before. He
winked at her and she seemed to get it, launched into a vivid description of
her new job--the new job he'd heartily recommended her for to his good friend.
Antonia
was obviously Chris's good friend.
She listened with interest.
But after a bit, her expression changed. Especially as he worked hard to appear not
at all interested in her.
Finally,
when Chapel ran down, Antonia said, "I've heard a lot about you."
He grinned.
"All bad, I'm sure."
"Well..."
He
shrugged. "Wouldn't be a very
good story if they made me out to be a paragon of virtue." He winked at Chapel again,
this time making sure Antonia saw it.
"Speaking of paragons," Chapel said,
"where is Len?"
Kirk
nodded to where Bones and his lady were dancing. Chapel didn't seem at all concerned that
she had been replaced. Instead she
said, "I'm going to go get us drinks.
What's everyone having?"
"Scotch,"
Kirk said and saw Antonia make a face.
"You disapprove of good single malt?"
"I hate the taste."
"To
each his own." He could tell
she was surprised he wasn't trying to convert her or defend his own
choice. "And you are
having...?"
"Cabernet."
"Ah."
"Ah?"
"No,
I mean, it's nothing." He
grinned and scanned the crowd.
"What's nothing?"
Chapel
hurried off with a slight smile, and Kirk looked at Antonia.
"Well, it's just red wine. It's a safe drink, isn't it?"
"Water is a safe drink. Red wine is delicious."
"But so...everyday."
Antonia
didn't defend her choice, just lifted her chin, her very blue eyes piercing his
and said, "Well, I guess that's what I am, then. Very everyday."
He
smiled, letting a bit of the famed charm out. "My dear, everyday never looked so
good." With a little nod and
half bow, he left her standing alone.
Chapel
found him a few moments later and handed him his drink. "Interesting strategy."
"Did you bring her here for me?"
"Well,
I didn't bring her here for me, if that's what you were thinking." Chapel winked at him. "She's a very good friend. Of the absolute
civilian variety, of course.
Loves horses and being outdoors."
"Hence the freckles."
Chapel
laughed and nodded. "She's
keeping a horse at your uncle's."
"Is she now?"
"Yep.
Thought you might find that interesting."
"You playing matchmaker, Chris?"
"Possibly." She handed him the wine glass. "Go. She's waited long enough."
He
looked back where Antonia was standing, looking the kind of temporarily awkward
that only a beautiful woman at a party could look. He'd better get back if he wanted to
keep her to himself.
-----------------
Antonia
took a deep breath. She hated to
admit it, but she was completely unaccustomed to being left alone at a
party. She wasn't even sure what to
do exactly.
She
saw men looking, realized that the fact she'd been talking to their very famous
host had left her a little off limits to the rest of them. If she wanted to talk to someone, she
was going to have to make the first move.
Her
first move might be to kill Christine.
Where the hell had her friend gone, anyway? How long did it take to get drinks at a
private party?
"Your wine, my lady."
Antonia
turned, saw Kirk grinning in a way even she had to admit was charming. She took the glass from him, swirled the
wine and admired its legs.
"I
trust it meets with your approval?
It's from my private collection."
She glanced at him. "You said you didn't like red
wine."
"I
said no such thing." Again the quick grin.
"You, however, did say you didn't like Scotch."
He
had her there. She busied herself
with sniffing the wine, then tasting it.
"Very good."
"I'd
be disappointed if you said it wasn't." He took her arm, led her away from the
crowd a bit. "I got it in
France. A little trip I took the
last time I was on Earth."
"You're on Earth all the time now,
right?"
He glanced at her and she blushed.
"Chris tell you
that?"
She shook her head. "I may have heard it
somewhere."
"Ah,
from my uncle perhaps? Or one of
the busybodies who surround him, hoping he'll pick one of them and settle down? Everyone knows my business there."
"Well,
perhaps if you hadn't saved the planet they wouldn't care so much about what
you were up to."
He
laughed, and the actual humor in the laugh made her smile back. "Good point. Next time, you're all on your own."
"Will there be a next time?
Will you get another ship?"
He
shook his head, and she could tell the thought did not make him happy. "I'm done. Desk jockey now."
"Sorry?"
He
shrugged and his eyes gleamed.
"Will give me more time to pursue charming but resistant party
guests."
"I'm sure you say that to all the
girls."
"I'm sure you're wrong." He winked and sipped his drink.
She looked over, saw Christine watching them. Her friend raised her glass, then went to join a group of people talking.
Damn
yenta. Antonia glanced back at
Kirk. At his warm hazel eyes and
very bright smile. She found
herself smiling back, for no good reason.
Maybe she wouldn't kill Christine, after all.
-------------
Chapel
was rushing through a lunchbreak when she saw Kirk
heading her way. "Sir."
"Commander." He smiled at the lieutenant commander
insignia and she smiled back--this had been one of the ranks she'd never even
aspired to as a nurse. Now she
could hardly wait to get to commander.
Although
captain still seemed out of reach--and that was all right with her.
"Sit,"
she said, gesturing with her fork at the seat opposite her. "But be warned. I'm due back in training in ten
minutes."
"Ah,
that explains the inhalation rather than eating." He laughed softly. "I remember those days at the
Academy."
She
smiled but went on eating. They
only got so many breaks during Emergency Operations training. They'd be down and dirty in some crisis
scenario before she knew it.
Kirk leaned forward. "So...Antonia."
Chapel grinned. "Figured you'd like
her."
"I do.
Very much.
She's a friend of yours?"
"Met
her while I was in med school. She
was dating my study partner. I got
to know her, stayed in touch after she broke up with Mark. We get together from time to time--more
now that IÕm back here."
"She's not seeing someone now?"
"Nope. And it's been a reasonable time since
her last break-up. You're not rebound boy." She grinned at him. "You going to pursue her?"
He
nodded, a huge grin on his face. "So, what about you, Chris? Someone special in your life?"
"No." She wasn't sure why he was asking.
"I
am aware, you know, about the arrangement between you and Bones."
She
frowned. "It's never gotten in
the way of our professional relationship."
He
held up a hand. "I'm not asking for details. But...he's my friend and you are,
too. Why don't you two try it for
real sometime? That's all I'm
saying."
She
rolled her eyes. "God help us
from romantics in love. They want
everyone to share in their good fortune." She strove to keep her smile
gentle. "Len and I...we're
just friends. Very intimate friends, but just friends."
He held his hand up again. "Enough said."
"For the record, sir. Antonia thought you were charming."
"Did
she?" He looked very pleased
with himself. "Well, the
feeling was mutual. But don't think
you're distracting me with this ode to my charm."
"Foiled
again." She finished off her
sandwich and stood. "Sorry to
eat and run, but your buddy Cartwright is a stickler for punctuality."
Kirk
laughed and waved her off. She had
to double-time it down the last of the corridors to make it back to class on
time.
-----------
Kirk
followed Antonia into the barn, then walked past her
when a black horse stuck his head over the stall door. "What a beauty."
"Satan. He's mine."
Kirk
rubbed the horse's nose the way he knew he'd like, and Satan whickered with
pleasure. Kirk looked around,
taking in Antonia's home turf--even if newly so. It was far more his old stomping grounds
than hers. "What made you move
here?"
"Needed some time away from my last job and..."
"And your last romance?"
"You
could say that." She looked at
him sideways. "They don't
always end well."
"No, they certainly don't."
"It's why I like horses. They're loyal. They stick around."
"Me,
too. And they relax me. No matter what I'm feeling, I get on
one, and I'm in the moment."
He gently blew on Satan's nostrils; the horse huffed in response.
"Well, you've got the touch with them."
He
smiled. "It's been a while
since I've ridden. I keep meaning
to get back into it." He
turned away from Satan, walked down the row of stalls, getting to know the
residents. "Funny you should
pick my uncle's farm."
"Christine told me about it when I needed a
place to board Satan."
"Ah."
She
walked over to her horse and let him look for apples in her pockets--Kirk had seen
her stuff them full as she was leaving her flitter. "What do you dream of now that
you're back on Earth?"
"Space." He could tell from the way she looked at
him it was not a good answer.
"I don't know, honestly.
I've had the same dream for so long that I'm not sure what I want out of
life anymore."
"Home and hearth doesn't appeal?"
"Home
and hearth has always been encased in duranium." He smiled, saw
he was not winning points.
"I'm going to have to work on that I guess. Figure out what it is I want now."
She nodded.
"I guess it won't be the everyday, though, huh?"
He
leaned back against the door, felt Satan butt softly against his shoulder with
his nose. "You say that like
it's a bad thing. I've lived with
the extraordinary for a long time.
It may just be overrated."
He
pushed off from the door, walked over to her. "Besides, my dearest, there is
nothing everyday about you, if that's what you meant."
"No?"
"No." He probably should wait to do this, but
fortune favored the brave and all that.
Pulling her into his arms, he gave her the best kiss he knew how.
She
seemed to fully appreciate his effort.
She reached up and pulled him back down to her, meeting his lips with
her own.
"I'm
suddenly not in the mood for a ride," she whispered. "Maybe we can go
later?"
He
kissed her again, gently, tenderly. Thinking things he usually didn't allow
himself to think--that this might last, that this might actually mean something,
even if they were moving far, far too fast for something that wasn't happening
on shore leave.
But
he didn't complain as she led him out of the barn and to her flitter. Or when she took his hand and walked
with him up her front porch stairs and into her house. Or when she eased his clothes off him
and they made love.
He didn't complain at all.
-------------
Antonia
slipped into the shuttle beside Jim, tired already of the night of Starfleet
functions. She'd been with him for
months now. She'd thought these
parties would eventually die down, but he had laughed at her when she'd
mentioned it. "The brass like
to party, Antonia. It's just the
way it is."
They
might like to party, but they had no idea how to make it fun for outsiders.
Space
bored her. She hated to admit it,
since it seemed to be Jim's life, but all this talk of ships and crews and
missions made her want to scream.
Christine
never bored her this way. Then
again, Christine never talked work with her. And she didn't spend this much time
around Christine.
They
got to the next party--apparently it was command assignments that were being
celebrated; she found it hard to keep track of what excuse the boys in red were
using any given day for drinking and dancing and hearty backslapping. She saw Christine at the bar and excused
herself from the captain--or was it admiral?--that Jim
was talking to and hurried over to her friend.
"Jim's looking happy." Christine smiled and pulled Antonia into
a quick hug. "Get ready for a
whole new round of parties next week.
Promotions are coming out. Jim
will go from captain to admiral."
Antonia looked down. "Great."
"Hey, what's wrong?"
"He's just...he's just gone a lot."
"Well,
that's the nature of the job. He's
on the final training cruises with the cadets."
"And
any other training cruises he can worm his way aboard." She held up a hand
when she saw the censure on Christine's face. "I know. I'm whining. But I miss him. I feel like we just get reconnected and
he's gone again."
"Sweetie, this is who he is. You knew that going in."
"I
just wish... He could retire, you
know." She met Christine's
eyes. "He's talked about
it."
"Jim's not going to retire."
"Well,
he could. I've been working on
him." She saw Christine's face
change and said, "What?"
"You
can't change who he is. He's Fleet
and will be all his life. That's
just a fact."
"You
could help. You could stand up for
me and not for Starfleet."
"I'm not standing up for anyone, except
maybe Jim."
"Right. Your good friend."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You
only get to call him Jim because of me." Antonia hated the spite that was
bubbling up in her. She hated that
some part of her was jealous that Christine had access to Jim, at Command, where
Antonia couldn't go without a million security checks and calls and then Jim
coming to get her to sign her in and then out again.
Christine's
face changed, her expression going cold.
She stared at Antonia, then shook her head
while smiling an incredulous smile.
"You can't act this way and expect to keep him."
"I
can't be with him if he won't stay on this planet." She squared her shoulders. "I won't stay with him if he can't
commit."
"This
is why Fleeters date each other." Christine took a deep breath. "I'm going to go now. Before I say something really ugly to
you. But you need to relax about
this. You'll only drive him away if
you don't."
Antonia
watched Christine walk away, then felt Jim's touch on her arm.
"Everything all right?"
She
turned, gave him her most brilliant smile.
"I'm with the most handsome man in the room and he's going home
with me. How could it not be all
right?"
He smiled.
"I
miss you. When you're not
here. I wish..." She looked down. "I'm sorry. I know I can't wish this." She met his eyes. "It's wrong to wish you were always
with me, isn't it?"
He narrowed his eyes. "I'm not with anyone else."
"I
know. But you are somewhere
else. A lot of the time." She took his hand. "Never mind. I'm just being silly. Blame yourself, mister. For being someone I want around all the
time."
He
didn't look like he was going to smile so she leaned in and kissed him
gently.
"I love you, James T. Kirk."
"I
love you, too." His voice was
steady, but there was confusion in his eyes.
She expected there was some in hers, too.
---------------
Chapel
made her way down the Academy halls, stopped when she got to Jim's office.
Jim. Did she really only call him that now
because of Antonia?
"Come," he said to her chime, and she
walked in. "Chris. To what do I owe this pleasant
surprise?" He got up. "Tell me there's an emergency you
need my expertise on. Please, God,
tell me that."
She laughed. "Bored?"
"Oh,
my God, you have no idea. Spock is
out with his cadets. Bones, Uhura, Sulu--all with him. I'm stuck here."
So
much for getting on every trip he could worm his way aboard.
"You
look serious." Kirk went over
to the credenza behind his very large desk and poured a cup of coffee, then
held up a mug to her. When she
nodded, he poured her one and asked, "What's up?"
She
walked over, fixed her coffee with cream and lots of sugar. Saw him smile at
the amount she put in, but he didn't say anything.
"I
just wanted to say..." She looked down. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of
course. I may not answer, but you can ask." He grinned, but the grin faded when she
didn't smile. "Is Matthew
giving you a hard time?"
She
laughed out loud. "Admiral
Cartwright? No, in fact, some
people think he's too easy on me."
She smiled as she mimicked Cartwright's voice. "'Any friend of Jim's is a friend
of mine' is one of his favorite sayings.
Jan makes out pretty well from that outlook, too."
Jim
smiled softly. "Associations
run this place. You know that,
Chris."
"I
do. Jim." She watched to see if he'd flinch at her
calling him that. He didn't.
"Okay, this is hard because Antonia's a friend, but is she pressuring you
to retire? Because if she is, you
should ignore her."
His
eyebrow lifted in a creditable impression of Spock. "What's brought this on?" His eyes narrowed. "Did Bones put you up to
this?"
"No,
Len has nothing to do with it. It's
just...well, I checked with my friend Mark--the one Antonia used to go out
with, and he said she was pretty...well, clingy."
He stared at her.
"It's
why he broke up with her. I've
never seen that side because I'm not dating her. But I just wanted you to know that maybe
you should take any urging from her with a grain of salt."
"She's your friend, Chris."
"She
is. But you are, too." She hoped. "And you're also my captain and
always will be."
"And
that's why you left my ship short of tour twice." He folded his arms over his chest.
"That's a negative way to look at it."
"That's
the only way I'm looking at it right this second. What's this all about, Chris?"
"I just...I don't want to see you give up
space."
He
laughed, and the sound was astoundingly bitter. "Look around, Commander. This is not space. This is an office. On Earth. Where I am bored to death. The only time I feel alive is when I'm
with Antonia."
She looked down.
"Should
I tell her about this, Chris?
Should I tell her you gave me such sage advice about your very good
friend?"
She
looked up and met his eyes.
"You can tell her whatever you like."
He
looked disgusted with her and she could feel her face turn red as he stared her
down. Finally, she put her coffee
mug back on the credenza and left. She
was careful to walk slowly out of his office, even if she wanted to run like
hell.
--------------
Kirk
lay in bed, thinking about his talk with Chris as Antonia gently massaged his
neck.
"You're awfully quiet," she said.
"Weird day."
"I'm
sorry." She kissed him, her
lips lingering the way he liked.
"Something you can talk about?"
He turned over, studied her. "Chris is your friend."
"Yes. My friend who introduced me to
you." She kissed him and laughed softly as she pulled away.
"Would you consider her your best
friend?"
"No, silly. That would be you."
"No, seriously."
Her smile faded. "I am serious. You're my best friend, Jim."
He could feel his smile fading. "I am?"
Her
mouth tightened. "I guess, by
your surprise, you wouldn't consider me your best friend." She pulled away and lay down, her arms
crossed tightly across her chest as she stared at the ceiling. "Who would? Someone from Starfleet, no doubt?"
"Sweetheart,
we haven't known each other that long." He took a deep breath. Why did he always end up in things like this? Janice, Carol. Always on him about how much he loved
them. "Have I given you cause to worry?"
She
glanced over at him and her eyes went soft. "No, Jim. God, I'm sorry." She rolled, kissed him as soon as she
was close enough. "It's
just...it's just I miss you."
"I'm right here."
"Some
of the time you are. The rest..." She sat
up, let him look at her fully, and he did, enjoying the lushness of her
curves. "I'm lonely. I know you think it's strange, but I
don't have that many friends. I
never have. The horses, and a few
people I've picked up over the years like Christine."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make
light."
"I
never had a crew, Jim. I never was part
of a Fleet. Women don't like me and
men just want to sleep with me. I
can actually talk to you. You get
me, and I think I get you. So yes,
I think of you as my best friend."
"Hey." He pulled her closer. "It's okay. I like it."
"Are you sure?"
He nodded.
"Can
I show you something?" She got
up at his nod and grabbed a padd that had been
sitting on the dresser. She handed
it to him.
A
cabin. In the
mountains. With trees and
blue sky and no one around for miles.
"You
were saying you liked to get away. That you'd like to have more of that. It's for sale. If we wanted to buy it."
He
smiled and handed it back to her.
"A bit of a commute. No
transporter stop anywhere close by."
"No, there's not. So maybe...maybe you wouldn't
commute."
"Just come out on the weekends?"
She
looked down. "Just don't go to
work." She met his eyes,
smiled a sweetly seductive smile.
"Retire." He tried not to hear Chris's voice as he
said the word.
"Retire." She looked down. "Christine told me
to leave this alone, but I just can't.
You're not happy, Jim. You
hate your job and even when you get back from your cruises you're only halfway
satisfied. You'll never get a ship
back. Not ever. So, let go."
He stared at her.
"Let
go and grab onto something else.
Us. Together. We could take the horses up there. They have stables--you missed that
part." She pulled up the link, showed him the diagram of the land. "Just tell me you'll think about
it. That's all I ask."
He took a deep breath. "I'll think about it."
------------
Antonia
sat in a coffee shop just off Starfleet grounds. She wanted to have equal footing for
this encounter. Was not going to
lose face by having to be escorted around Christine's building.
She
saw her friend come in and waved her over.
Imperiously. On purpose.
"Hi," Christine said, her voice wary.
"Sit."
Christine thought about it for a moment, then sat.
"So,
I wanted you to see this." She
handed Christine the padd with the picture of the
property Jim had agreed they could have.
It had taken her a week to bring him around to her way of thinking.
"Pretty. Where is it?"
Antonia
took it back and smile tightly. "Somewhere you will never, ever
visit."
"What?"
She
leaned forward. "I know you
tried to sabotage Jim and me. I
don't know how because he won't tell me exactly. But he gave enough away for me to know
that you were trying to make trouble for us."
"I told him you were going to urge him to
retire."
Antonia
wasn't sure what to do next. The
truth had been the last thing she expected. And said in such a matter of fact
way. "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's my friend."
"No,
he's not. He was your boss. He wasn't your friend until I came
around."
"That's
not true." But Christine's
voice was off. Probably because she
knew it was true. "It doesn't
matter what he and I are to each other.
The fact is that man belongs in space. He's better off for it and so are
we--all of us. He's better at what
he does than anyone I know."
"He's
done with that. Let him be
done. It's people like you, who
cling to him as if he owes you more than he's already given, that will get him
killed. You're what makes him so
miserable."
"No.
You're wrong. We don't
cling."
"Oh,
I forgot. The
precious Fleet solidarity.
No, no clinging there with your sad little parties about how great it
was when you were all on a ship.
Move on, people."
Antonia stood. "I
really liked you. I don't have that
many friends, so I say this with regret:
We are done. We are not
friends any longer, and I want you to stay away from me and from Jim."
"Jim works at Starfleet."
"Not
for much longer, he doesn't."
With a smile she had practiced in the mirror, Antonia walked away,
leaving Christine alone.
-------------
Chapel
sat for a moment, processing the conversation. Then she hurried out of the coffee shop
and straight to Starfleet Academy.
Spock, fortunately, was in. A cadet was with him.
"Out. Now." She didn't wait to see how fast the
cadet skedaddled.
"Christine. Your manners have
degenerated." Spock looked
amused. "Is there a
problem?"
"I'll say. Jim is leaving."
Spock's eyebrow went up.
"As in retiring, Spock. As in never coming back."
"How do you know this?"
"His new girlfriend told me."
Spock stood. "Jim has said nothing of
leaving."
"How
forthcoming were you when you were planning on relocating to Gol?"
"Point
taken." He sat down, accessed
something in the computer. His
whole demeanor changed.
"What?"
"He has put in for retirement."
"I know. I just told you that."
"No,
not in the future. Now." He met her eyes. "He will leave at the end of the
week."
"What?"
"He cites personal reasons."
"Yes,
her name is Antonia. And I'm the idiot
who introduced them."
Spock
stood again and walked to the window.
"I do not understand.
He has been on our training cruises. Seemed to enjoy them."
"Did you know he was with her?"
"Yes.
I have met her. She is...attractive."
"She's a bombshell, Spock."
"Yes, she is beautiful but not what I would
consider his type."
"Umm, were you on the same ship I was on
during our two missions?"
"Those
were diversions. Look at the women
he has been serious about. What do
they have in common?"
She
thought a moment. Then met his
eyes. "Scientists. And not always
beautiful. Attractive,
though."
"Precisely. She will not hold his interest for
long."
"Do
you think he'll get sick of her by the end of the week? Because if not, you need to do
something." She saw his look
and said, "Spock. I already
tried to warn him. He got mad and
Antonia just rubbed this all in my face.
He won't listen to me and she warned me off him. Go stop him."
He stood.
"Very well."
He
left her in the office. She paced
until she couldn't stand it anymore and went home.
This
was out of her hands, even if it was all her fault. Either Spock could stop him or no one
could.
-------------
Kirk
was going through files on his personal padds, determining
what to archive and what to delete when he heard his chime ring. "Come."
Spock
walked in, his face serious--or more serious than normal. "Jim."
"Spock." He smiled. "Problem?"
"I will leave that to you to tell me."
Kirk studied him. "This isn't about a cadet, then?"
"No, sir."
"Sir?"
Kirk laughed, then let his smile die when he saw Spock
glare at him. Glare? "What the hell is wrong with you,
Spock?"
"Christine
came to see me. Your imminent
departure was the topic of our conversation."
"Oh, Jesus. Spock, I was going to tell you."
"Before or after Friday?"
"Before." At Spock's look he said, "No, I
mean it. I was."
"Why are you doing this?"
"Why
am I retiring after umpteen years of noble service? You are seriously going to ask me
that?"
"I am."
"Well,
if you must know, Spock, I met a girl.
Nice girl. Name of Antonia.
She cooked you vegetarian lasagna last week if you care to remember
back."
"I
am well aware of who you are with, Jim." Spock sat down in the chair opposite him. "You do not have to leave to be
with her."
"No,
I don't. But I want to. I need to. I'm tired, Spock. And I'm unhappy."
"And
you think you will be happier with her, away from all of this?"
"Yes, frankly, I do. No matter what you and Chris think."
Spock
stood. "I will leave you to
your work, then." He turned
toward the door.
"Spock." Kirk waited for Spock to look at
him. "It's not that far. A transporter and a
rented flitter. You'll like
it. And there's a standing invite
for you. Antonia's really fond of
you."
"Thank
you." Spock took a deep
breath. "If I do not see you
before you leave, I wish you well."
"Spock,
this isn't goodbye. I just won't be
down the hall." He smiled
gently. "You aren't here most
of the time anyway. Off on the
Enterprise with your kids."
"Perhaps you should have taken the
position."
"You
did try to tell me." Kirk
smiled gamely. Kept the smile going
until Spock walked out the door and then rolled his eyes.
He
wouldn't put it past Chris to bring Bones in on this now that Spock hadn't
gotten the job done. Why the hell
did she even care? It wasn't like
they were that good of friends.
----------
Antonia
finished with the carton she was unpacking and looked at Jim out in the yard
chopping wood, the mountains huge behind him, snow lingering on the peaks.
Jim's dog Butler lay just outside the danger zone. Safe from the axe but
close to his master.
Jim
loved that dog. Sometimes, she
thought he loved the dog more than he loved her. But that was okay.
She
walked over to the door, stood watching him as he worked. He seemed to sense her and looked over,
smiling.
"Thirsty?" She opened the door and secured it on
the hook that kept it open, letting in the cool mountain air. "I can make coffee or tea or
whatever you like."
"I'm fine." He grinned at her. "God, it's beautiful here."
"It
is. And it's all ours." She smiled, for once truly, exquisitely
happy. He was hers--and he'd given
up everything for her. What more
was there to want?
----------
Chapel
watched as the Enterprise flew out on a training mission. "There they go."
"No
Jim Kirk at the helm." Rand
smiled gently. "Although he's
probably on the ship. Retired
nearly a year and he still finds creative excuses to come back for special appearances--although
I think Spock just misses him and makes it happen."
"He
shouldn't need excuses. He should
be here."
"You
did what you could, Christine. Let
it go."
"I cannot believe you are telling me to let
it go."
"I
cannot believe you are the one obsessing over James T. Kirk." Jan laughed. "Did you fall for him while I
wasn't looking?"
"Of course not. But I set her up with him."
"Yeah,
on behalf of all those who like him, thanks loads for that. Could you have picked a more transparent
woman?"
"I
didn't know." She saw Jan's
face and held up a hand. "I
know. I know. You told me she was annoying. I just didn't want to listen."
"Well,
no, because you were her only friend. You would have felt horrible
letting her down easily. You're too
nice, Christine."
"Uh huh. Tell that to your boy. Jim's still angry with me."
She went back to work, was surprised when Jan
nudged her at the end of the shift.
"You
sure the admiral is mad at you?"
She nodded toward the door where Kirk stood with Spock. Janice waved them into Ops.
"What are you doing?"
"Saying
hello to my old bosses. What are you doing?" Janice smiled as the two walked up. "Boys."
Jim laughed, then
glanced at Chapel.
"Chris."
"Sir."
He studied her, then mouthed, "Jim," and
turned back to Jan.
She smiled easily. "So, what are you doing off your
mountain, sir?"
"Slumming." He laughed, and Chapel was sadly very
happy that he didn't tell Jan to call him Jim. "I needed to close out some
investments here. Finalize my apartment
sale. That kind of thing."
"And
will you find more of those excuses to get away from her?" Chapel asked, then was mortified to realize she'd said it out loud.
Three
sets of eyes took her in. Only
Jim's were mildly amused.
"Commander, I don't need an excuse to see my friends. Antonia's my girlfriend, not a ball and
chain."
"Ah."
"Ah." He smiled tightly. "We'll be going. Good seeing you."
"Sir."
He
glanced back at her. She mouthed, "Jim," and saw him smile.
"Well,
that wasn't awkward at all, Commander Tact." Jan hit her not so softly in the
arm. "Way to chase them
off."
"They weren't going to ask us to join them,
Jan."
"I
can dream, can't I?" But Jan's
dreamy expression was clearly put on.
She was in love, and recently, with a very nice commander from the
CINC's staff. She no longer cared
all that much what a certain retired admiral did.
If only Chapel could say the same.
-------------
Kirk sat in a cafŽ, watching couples go by, assessing them.
Did he and Antonia look as happy as that pair did? Did they ever look as tired of each
other as that couple?
"Sir?" Chris sounded wary. She'd only reluctantly agreed to meet
him here.
"You can call me Jim."
"I never could before Antonia. Why should I now?"
"Because I'm telling you to." He
looked up at her, towering over him with the sun behind her. "Jesus, sit down. I'm getting a crick in my neck."
She sat.
"Does Antonia know you're here?"
"She knows I'm in San Francisco."
"Ah.
But not with me."
"I didn't tell her that." He studied her. "It was a spur of the moment
call."
"Oh." She sat, her gaze as implacable as
Spock's.
"I didn't like how we left things. Before I moved."
"No?
And you waited a year to bring it up?"
"Timing is everything." He gave her a rueful grin. "Look, I know you were just trying
to protect me."
She finally smiled. "I was looking out for all of
us. You've saved the world a few
times, you know."
"Well, those days are over."
"They don't have to be." She sighed. "I don't want to fight."
"Then we won't." He pulled out a padd,
showed her the shot he loved best, of Butler and the mountains behind him. "This is what I gave it all up
for."
"Pretty." Her smile was real, but then it turned
mean. "Funny how Antonia is
nowhere to be found in this picture."
He pulled the padd
back.
"I'm sorry. That was catty."
"Yes.
It was. You were her
friend. What happened, Chris?"
She shrugged, seemed to be looking anywhere but
at him. Then she suddenly met his
eyes. "She said, sir, that the
only reason I got to call you Jim was because of her. That on my own, I
wasn't your friend. And you
know what? She was right."
He could feel his jaw tightening. "Did you care? Before her? I don't remember you wanting to be my
friend."
"Are we going back to the short-of-tour
thing?"
"No, Chris. I know you left both times because of
Spock."
"I left because other opportunities came
open. Things that
I wanted to try. Med
school. Then
this, in Ops. You gave me
recommendations for both."
"Of course I did. You're a good officer. They were lucky to get you."
"Then why are you mad?"
He took a deep breath. "I'm not." He laughed softly. "Well, all right, maybe I was hurt,
Chris. You left. None of my chicks leave."
"Jan left."
"Jan had to leave. It was getting awkward for us."
She didn't say anything. Then she reached out, touched his
hand. "Well, now you found
someone who will never, ever leave you."
Her voice wasn't mean. And as she pulled away, he met her eyes--they
were unreadable.
"I know."
She stood.
"We're all right, Jim."
"Are we?"
"We are." She smiled; it was almost a real
smile. "I'll see you
around?"
"Probably so. I can't stay away."
"Yeah.
I noticed that."
-------------
Antonia
watched as Jim got dressed. "Are you going into the city
again?"
He
looked over. "Guest lecturer. I told you about it months ago."
"Oh,
right." She took a deep
breath. "Do you have to
go? I thought we could go to Idaho
today. Ride a little." They'd never gotten the horses up
here. Despite
having stables nearby. There
was always some reason not to go get them.
"That
would be great but not today."
He turned. "How do I
look?"
"For
a general audience. Fine. Or are you meeting someone else?"
"What?"
"Is
there someone you're going to see?"
"Well,
I thought I'd say hello to Bones and Spock, if that's okay with you?"
"Don't
make light of this, Jim. Are you
seeing her?"
"Am
I seeing who?"
"Christine."
He
got a strange look on his face, as if he was going to laugh.
She
threw her pillow at him. "Don't
make fun of me."
"Antonia. Where is this coming from?"
"Just
tell me you're not going to see her."
She was crying. God, she
hated when she did this.
"I'm
not going to see her. Why would I?"
"She's
trying to break us up."
"No,
she's not, sweetheart." He
tipped her chin up. "But
you're doing a damn good job if you keep on being silly."
"Silly?"
He
shook his head and let her go.
"I'm not cheating on you.
Now, I have to go."
"I
want to come."
"You
can't come. You know that. I can't sign you in anymore and you have
no reason to be there."
"Well,
tell them you want me there. You're
the great captain, right?"
"Admiral,
to be exact."
"Well,
sorry that I don't understand Starfleet speak better."
"Antonia." He took her by the shoulders, shook her
very gently. "Stop it. I love you. But I have to go or I'll be late."
She
nodded. Wiped her tears and said,
"Give a good talk," as he left.
She
waited until she heard the flitter leave.
Then she commed the private detective she was
always forced to use--why couldn't any man just be happy with her?
"Long
time no see, Antonia."
"I
have a job for you."
-------------
Chapel
sat in the audience, unsure why she'd felt driven to use her day off to come
hear Jim talk, other than she'd been a bit cold when he'd tried to make
amends--or whatever it was he'd been doing--some months ago.
After
the lecture, she lingered in her seat, saw him look over from the group of
people waiting for one-on-one time and smile at her.
She
smiled back.
It
took a long time, but he finally came over, walked down her row and leaned
against the back of the seat in front of her. "So."
"So. Good lecture, sir." At his look she laughed. "Jim."
"You
hungry?"
"I
am. But I'm sort of needed back at
Ops."
"Of
course you are. That's why you've
been sitting on your ass for the past twenty-five minutes while I fielded
questions from my adoring public." He winked. "Day off?"
"Guilty
as charged."
"I
have a yen for Chinese."
"I
like Chinese." She rose and
followed him out of the auditorium.
"I want to say something.
Now rather than later."
He
turned to look at her.
"I'm
really sorry for how I've acted.
Antonia is--was my friend.
And she loves you, Jim. I
really think she does. And if
you're happy with her, then I need to stop causing trouble. And I'm not even sure why I'm doing
it. It's not like we've ever...you
know..."
"Been
interested in each other?"
She
nodded.
"I
know." He smiled gently. "And thank you. I appreciate your olive branch." He started to laugh. "She won't, so I won't tell her
about it."
"Because
every good relationship runs on lies." She looked down. "I said I wasn't going to do that,
didn't I?"
"You
sure did. I think that means lunch
is on you, toots." He laughed
and they talked about less touchy things as they walked. He led her into a new Chinese restaurant
she'd always wanted to try but never had time. It was just enough off compound to be a pain to get to.
After
they'd ordered and kicked back the better part of their beers, he said,
"What if I'm not?"
"Not
what?" She busied herself
fixing the dipping sauce from the variety of base sauces and spices.
"Not
happy."
She
stopped mixing and looked up at him.
"Aren't you?"
"What
was the word you used for her? That
her boyfriend had said?"
"Clingy?"
"Bingo." He took a deep breath. "God. I should not be doing this...complaining
about her to you."
"Then
don't." She gave him a soft smile to show she meant it. "Talk to Len or Spock or
whoever. You and I can use this
time to chat about Matthew and his obsession with Klingons."
"Matthew,
now, is it?"
"Jealous?"
His
eyes narrowed.
"Maybe." Then he
laughed. But his smile quickly
faded. "What if I want to talk
to you about it? You did start this whole thing."
"I
did. I'm really sorry if you're
unhappy. If you're not, I'll take
credit and we can move on."
"I
think we've established which one I am." He took a deep drink from his
glass. "You weren't wrong
about the picture. The dog--Butler
is his name. He's a great
dog."
"He
looks like it."
Jim
nodded. "The best. And the house--beautiful place, just no
denying. And the
view. And the smells and the
sunsets flaring pink over the snowcapped peaks."
"And
the woman you share all that with...?"
"And
her." He frowned and rubbed
his forehead. "I love
her."
"But
you don't really like her, do you?"
He
met her eyes. "I think I
do."
"Jim." She remembered what Spock had said. "She's not your type."
"What
is my type? I'm a lothario. Any port in the storm. Isn't that what the rumors
say?" He leaned forward. "What's my damn type?"
She
met his eyes, rather fearlessly to her surprise. "Me. I'm your type."
He
sat very still and so did she. The waiter came with the food and
hurried off as soon as he'd put the plates down, as if loath to disturb them.
"I'm
sorry," she said, and knew her face was starting to flame. "I don't know why I said
that."
"Maybe
because it's true. You're a far
better match for me than she is."
He leaned back.
"Only,
I'm not your type physically. Not
pretty enough."
"You're
an idiot, Commander." He dug
into his lunch. "I think we
should maybe take your earlier suggestion and talk about Matthew's Klingon
hard-on."
"Interesting
way to put it." She knew she
was flirting. Was shocked she even remembered how.
"You
know what I mean." His voice
was serious, but his eyes gleamed.
She
stared at him until the intensity of their gaze became uncomfortable. Then she looked away, took a bite of the
very good General Tsao's, and told him the latest in
a long line of Matthew stories.
They
laughed through lunch. It was
nice. She didn't even mind paying.
-----------------
Kirk
looked for Antonia in the house when he got home, didn't find her downstairs so
made his way upstairs. He heard
music before he'd gotten to the top of the steps, smiled as he pushed open the
door.
She
was wearing a black negligee that left little to the imagination. Her hair was loose and long and she was
lying in bed, a sensual smile on her face.
Gorgeous, gorgeous creature.
"Howdy." She grinned at him and leaned forward
enough to bring her cleavage into prominence. "I was waiting for someone, but I
guess you'll do." Again the grin.
"Well,
hello there." He walked over.
She
pushed herself to her knees, slipped off his jacket, then
began unbuttoning his shirt.
"You, sir, are severely overdressed."
"I
am, aren't I?"
"Yes,
indeed." She pulled him to
her, kissed him.
It
wasn't one of her best. Something a little too...desperate in it.
"Hey." He pulled away, stroked her hair
back. "Sweetheart, are you
okay?"
"Can't
a girl miss her fella?" She ran
her fingers along his cheek.
"I
wasn't gone that long."
"The
question stands." She reached
down, unbuttoned his pants.
He
should have been ready for her.
Normally would have been.
But
he wasn't. Her expression changed,
and as she reached down, she said, "Rough day?"
She
leaned in, kissing his neck, but he was almost positive she was
smelling him, too.
"Antonia. Stop, okay?" He eased her hand off him. "What's the matter?"
"I
think I'm the one who should be asking that."
"I'm
tired. It's been a long day."
"Catching
up with old Fleet friends?"
He
nodded.
"Anyone
I know?"
He
took a deep breath. This was the
moment when he should tell her he had lunch with Chris. There was nothing wrong with him seeing
his old friend.
Nothing at all.
"No
one you'd know," he said, and turned away, going into the bathroom and
staring at himself in the mirror.
The
mountains from the window behind him were framed beautifully. This house, this
place, the woman outside his door.
All perfect.
He
looked down at his traitorous dick.
"Thanks a bunch."
------------------
Antonia
waited until Jim disappeared into the woods with Butler and commed
her detective. "Well? Was he with her?"
"He
was. They had lunch. Little Chinese place. Seemed to be having a good time. Lots of laughing."
"Great."
"Hey,
it's not all bad. There was no touching, no hugging, no leaving and heading back to her
place or a hotel or anything. I
think they're just friends."
"You're
an idiot, and I don't pay you to think." She put her face in her hands.
"Kid,
I'm telling you. He's not doing it
with her. I know the signs. People normally can't keep their hands
off each other."
"You
think that groping is the only kind of foreplay? You're very, very wrong."
"Listen,
Antonia, please. You ever stop to
think that maybe if you trusted your men more, they might not leave you? This guy is not cheating on you. I guarantee it."
"Okay. Thanks. The money's been sent." She broke the connection.
He
just didn't get it. Jim had been
laughing with Christine. Having fun
with her.
Antonia
couldn't remember the last time she and Jim had really laughed. The last time he'd looked like he was
having fun.
He
might not be sleeping with Christine.
But there was something going on.
--------------
Chapel
was at home, relaxing after a hard week when her chime rang. She slipped on a cardigan to cover up
the fact that she hadn't put a bra on under her t-shirt and went to the
door. It would probably be her
neighbor, complaining about the couple across the hall again.
It
was Jim. "Can I come in?"
She
nodded and let him past her, then said, "I'm going to go put some real
clothes on."
"Chris,
you look fine." He took a deep
breath, then pulled out a mini padd
from his jacket pocket, handed it to her.
"Can you find out who that is?"
A
bank account number was the "who" in question. The date of payment was some months
back.
"It
would be unethical to--"
"Antonia
made that transfer. And it was the day I came into town last fall. The day we had lunch, remember?"
"I
do." It had been ages since
he'd looked her up. She'd thought
maybe he and Antonia had found happiness and he would finally settle down,
Starfleet free.
She
took the pad to her terminal, set it to secure mode, then read the number to it
and waited for the computer to spit out, "Daniel Merriweather. Private Investigator."
"Jesus."
Chris
glanced at Jim, then asked the computer, "List associations.
Date range: last ten years. First
name: Antonia. Last name:
Fairchild."
The
room was quiet, then the computer said, " Twelve associations found."
"Quit
query." Chapel turned the
computer back to regular mode.
"I bet if you linked the dates, they'd all go with when she found a
new beau. But I'm not going to do
that for you. She's probably just
being careful."
"A
year and a half into the relationship, Chris? Why the hell are you defending her?"
"I'm
not. I'm making excuses for
her. It's a slightly different
thing."
He
sat on the couch, leaned back and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Why would she do this?"
"Clearly
because she doesn't trust you."
Chapel went and joined him.
"She told me once that men don't stay. That was the great downfall of liking
them."
"Well,
no. Not when
we're not trusted. Not when
every move we make is scrutinized, every private moment we take
questioned."
"Sounds
like someone isn't happy."
"Shut
up. This is all your fault."
While
she often thought that, she didn't like the way it sounded coming from
him. "I didn't know what would
happen. And no one made you pursue
her. You did that all on your
own."
He
closed his eyes and sighed loudly.
"Do
you want a drink?"
"Do
you have Scotch?"
"I
do." She got up and poured him
one, then handed it to him forgetting how thin her t-shirt was, how she'd
forgotten to do up the cardigan.
Jim
seemed fixated on her breasts. Then
he looked down at his lap in annoyance and said, "Oh, sure, now you're
alive and well."
She
sat next to him, no longer trying to appear modest but not flaunting herself,
either. "Performance
issues."
"None
of your goddamned business."
"Did
you ever have them while you were still with Starfleet?"
"What
part of 'None of your goddamned business' isn't clear?"
"I'm
just saying." She leaned in,
could hear his quick intake of breath.
"There's a place for you at Command--in space with the cadets--if
you want to come back. The head of
academics is retiring. And you do
want to come back, Jim. You need to
come back. And you know
it." She reached down,
surprised at her boldness, and fondled him.
He
moaned. Loudly. No performance issues at the moment.
She
let go. "You know it. And so does your better half down there."
He
was watching her helplessly.
She
stood and walked over the door.
"Time to go, sir. You
have some decisions to make."
He
got up slowly, his pants tenting in a way that told her she'd more than made
her point. As he walked by her, he
murmured, "You're a real bitch."
"Maybe. But did I say a single thing you haven't
already thought yourself?"
He
didn't answer, just slipped by her and left.
She
closed the door and leaned against it, glad he couldn't see how shaken she was
by the encounter.
-------------
Kirk
commed Spock, trying to appear more composed than his
meeting with Chris had left him.
"Jim?"
"Old
friend." It was easy to smile,
easy to let the affection into his voice with Spock. "I need to know something. Chris said Camlion
is retiring. Is it true?"
Spock
nodded. "You would be an
excellent replacement."
"Retired. Remember?"
"That
can be easily remedied. And we both
know it." Spock almost
smiled. "Are you considering
coming back?"
Kirk
nodded, then was surprised at how he hadn't even had to think about it.
"Does
Antonia know?"
"No." He looked down. "She won't be happy."
"Of
that I have no doubt." Spock
waited, seemed to be content to sit on the comm
channel forever while Kirk thought.
"Morrow
still in charge?"
"You
have not been gone that long, Jim."
Spock looked very pleased.
"I would be most gratified to have you back."
"Well,
we'll see, okay?"
"Of
course. I know this is not an easy
decision." With one last, fond
look, Spock cut the connection.
Spock
was right. It should not be an easy
decision. It should be damned near
impossible.
Leave
the woman he loved for space? For not even space but only the hint of space? He'd still be behind a desk. Nothing would change except that--
Wait. Why did he have to leave her? It had been her idea for him to retire,
not his. He'd played it her way for
the last two years. Now it was time
for her to accommodate him. They
could still keep the place in the mountains. Go there on weekends. It could all work out.
He
commed Morrow's office and set up a meeting for the
following week.
--------------
Antonia
could hear Jim down in the kitchen, fixing her breakfast. She smiled. Things were finally settling down again
after weeks with him going back and forth to San Francisco.
She
heard his step on the stairs, smiled and pretended to be sleeping as he came
in.
"Wake
up, sleepyhead." He was
holding a tray and lowered it so she could see. Coffee, Ktarian
eggs, and toast on it.
"For
me?"
"For
you." He waited till she sat
up, then put the tray over her lap. "And this." A velvet bag.
She
couldn't bite back the huge grin.
"Jim...what is it?"
There had to be a box inside that bag. And a ring inside the
box. An
engagement ring. Because they'd be together forever. She'd finally found that guy.
He
handed her the bag.
It
was far too heavy to be an engagement ring. She pulled out a metal object, saw that it was a horseshoe with a rose tied by a
ribbon to it.
The
symbolism eluded her.
"For
the first day we met."
She
smiled, but knew it was coming off as confused. "It's nice."
He
grinned.
"But
we met at your party."
"I
like to think we met in the barn."
His smile grew.
"Certainly a more memorable time." He waggled his eyebrows--something that
normally made her laugh but she just stared at him, still trying to figure out
why he thought a horseshoe said "I love you" better than a ring.
He
turned and started to pace. Never a good sign.
"I've made a decision.
I'm going back to Starfleet."
She
felt as if he'd slugged her. "You're
leaving?"
He
turned. "No. I'm just...un-retiring."
"So,
you're leaving."
"Sweetheart,
I can do both. Be with you and work
at Starfleet."
"No."
"No?"
His eyes narrowed and she knew
she'd gone too far. "No? I came up to this place, this gorgeous
place in the middle of goddamned nowhere and lived here with you for two years,
Antonia."
"Two
years? Is that forever to
you?"
"No,
but it's long enough. I'm
bored."
"You're
bored?" She picked up the
coffee mug and threw it at him.
He
ducked, and the coffee went all over the wall behind him.
"You're
bored?" She pushed the tray
off her lap, got out of bed.
"And what else is there, Jim?
Who else is in San Francisco that you might want to see?"
"Who
else? Let's try my friends." He was angry but he wasn't shouting,
unlike her.
He'd
rehearsed this. Was ready for her
arguments. For her hurt and
anger.
He'd
have an answer for everything.
"Let's
try Christine."
"I
am not with Christine."
"You
love her."
"I
don't. I barely know her." He moved closer. "But I do know you had me
followed. I know you know I had
lunch with her. But that's all it
was."
"I
had to. I don't trust you."
"I've
never cheated on you."
She
looked at his face and said, "I don't believe you."
She
saw something then. Something in his eyes.
That told her this was over.
That told her it might have worked but now it really was over.
But
that was how it always ended for her.
No one ever stayed. No one
ever loved her enough.
"I
don't believe you," she whispered again.
"No
one ever does." He closed his
eyes and said, "I'll send someone for my things. You can live here till you find
somewhere else to go."
Then
he turned and walked out.
--------------
Chapel
saw Jim sitting in the officer's club.
Uniform back on. Looking like he'd never left. He lifted his scotch and drank without
taking his eyes off the view out the window. He had his back to most of the room.
She
walked over. "Hi."
He
nodded. Then he waved over a server
and ordered her a drink. Single
malt. Just like he was having, no
doubt.
She
sat down in the chair next to him, looked out at the view--not that great a
view to be honest. Not from this
side of the club, the side that backed onto a corner of Starfleet Command. "I'm sorry."
"No,
you're not." He waited for the
server to put down Chapel's drink before he said, "You wanted this."
"I
didn't." At his look, she
said, "I didn't, Jim. But you
were unhappy and I wanted you happy."
"Why? Why do you even care?" He gave her a twisted version of his
normal smile. "I'll be fifty
in just a few months."
"That's
not that old."
"Isn't
it? Isn't it really?" He drained his glass, motioned for
another. "I try to make
things work. With
a woman. It never does. Never."
She
didn't answer.
"Carol. Janet. Janice. Now Antonia. Every single one of them thinks I'm not
there for them. Or worse, that I am
there for someone else." He
looked over at her. "Antonia was convinced I was sleeping with you."
"I
know. I got an angry comm a few days ago."
His
face fell. "I'm sorry. I should have warned you."
"I'm
a big girl. She didn't say anything
to me I couldn't take. She was
upset. She was really sad."
He
nodded absently.
"She
did love you, Jim. She just doesn't
know how to love, I think. Not in
any kind of way that lets her be happy."
"Oh
and you're the expert on love?"
He sniffed, the sound so derisive she almost got up and left him
alone. "Like I am?" He made an equally dismissive sound for
himself so she decided to cut him some slack. "What if she was right? What if it was a choice: her or
space? And I chose the wrong
one."
"You
didn't." She reached over,
took his hand and gently squeezed it.
He
didn't squeeze back so she let go quickly.
"So
what's next for you?" she asked.
"Kobayashi
Maru is coming up. Always a barrel of laughs." He sighed. "Spock's girl is taking the test. Saavik--you've
met her?"
"I
have."
He
shot her a look. "You with
Spock?"
"No." She laughed softly. "He and I...we don't work."
"You
ever try?"
She
shook her head. "I just
know. The same way I know Len and I
will only ever be bed buddies, I know Spock and I will
never be. We're too different. And we have no spark."
"Spark." He shook his head. "I think after fifty your spark
goes out."
"I
think you're wrong." She got
up. "Thank you for the
drink."
"You're
welcome. Thank you for...well, I'm
sure there's something."
She
left before he could think of it.
--------------
Kirk
sat in his quarters on the Enterprise.
Spock was dead. His ship was
crippled. A good number of the
cadets were wounded or worse.
His
son was talking to him. He supposed
he should accept the small miracles.
And
Khan was dead. He couldn't hurt
them anymore.
The
door chime rang. "Come,"
he said, not surprised to see Carol walk in.
"David
was here?" she asked.
He
nodded. "You put him up to
it?"
"No." She sighed. "I've told him so much
about you. Most of it
bad." She sat on the couch
across from him. "I probably
wasn't fair."
"You
never were."
She
nodded and looked down. Then she
got up and walked to the viewscreen. "I don't get it."
"What?"
"Why
this view is so important to you."
"You
never did." He took a deep
breath. "You never
will." Her. Antonia. Janet. None of them ever understood. Janice hadn't, either, even if she'd
wanted a ship of her own. But it
wasn't for the ship's sake. It was
to have his life--and to take what he had away from him.
His
choices in women were horrible when it came to compatibility with his chosen
path.
Chris, though.
Chris got it. Even if she'd
left his ship behind on two occasions, she understood how he felt about the Enterprise.
"I'm
very, very sorry about your friend."
Carol knelt down in front of him, took his hands and chafed them
gently. "I wish..."
"Me,
too."
"He
saved David. Saved all of us."
He
smiled gently at her. "We made
a fine boy, Carol."
"We
did. An exceptional boy." She laughed softly. "But what do you expect? We're no chopped liver, Jim."
He
laughed, a nearly soundless expression of air.
With
a look full of sympathy, she leaned in and pressed her lips to his
forehead. "I truly am
sorry. For Spock. For the ship. For everything."
"I
know." He let her go. Could probably have called her back--thought
maybe she expected him to.
But
he didn't.
His
friend was dead. Carol's comfort
wasn't what he needed.
A
while later, his chime rang again.
"Come."
Saavik walked in.
"Admiral?"
"Lieutenant." He gestured to the couch Carol had
taken. "Sit."
She
shook her head. "I will not
take much of your time. I just...I
wanted to say that Spock believed you were worth any risk. Any sacrifice."
Kirk
knew his expression was lost as he looked at her, tried to pull in some inner
strength but failed in the face of his friend's almost-daughter
and how sad her eyes were.
"I
just wanted to say, sir, that I think he was right. I did not at first. I thought you were arrogant. Nothing more than a boy playing."
"A
fifty-year-old boy."
"On
Vulcan, men of fifty are considered quite immature."
He
smiled. "We're not on
Vulcan."
"No,
sir. I know we are not." She looked down. "I have come to appreciate your
qualities of leadership. I know
that we are alive because of you."
"And
Spock."
"Yes. And Spock." She turned to go.
"Saavik?"
She
looked back at him.
"He
was enormously proud of you. And he
loved you. Very, very much."
Her
eyes gleamed in the low light.
"Thank you, sir. Good
night."
"Good
night," he whispered, once she was gone and the room was empty again.
-------------
Chapel
strode across the Vulcan sand to where the Klingon Bird of Prey sat. "Where is he?" she asked Sulu
who looked up at her in surprise from the component he was working on.
Sulu
pointed to the top of a cliff behind them.
She could just make out Spock.
He was alone.
"Wrong
he. I'm looking for an Admiral. In a lot of trouble. Gazillion-watt smile, which won't do
jack for him in this case."
Sulu
pointed inside with a grin.
"He's in a hell of a mood."
"That's
swell. Me, too." She stomped up the ramp, smiling at Uhura and Chekov, then stopped
when she saw Len.
"Well,
I'll be a monkey's uncle." He
pulled her into a tight hug.
"You
all there now?" She tapped his head gently to show him
where she meant.
"I
was always all here. I just had
that green-blooded imp in here, too."
She
smiled. "But now...?"
"I'm
fine. Spock...well, the jury's
still out on that one."
"Yeah. He looked very Vulcan standing on the
cliff ledge."
"He
does that a lot. Sort
of creepy. Don't think he
can quite figure us out. Despite
the fact that we all nearly lost everything helping his sorry ass out."
"It
was for your sorry ass, too. Jim
was frantic when he thought you were losing your mind."
Len's
eyes narrowed. "It's Jim now?"
"Yep." She smiled noncommittally. "Where is he?"
"Engine
room. With Scotty." He pointed her in the right direction. "You sure you want to go down
there? He's in a piss-poor mood
right now."
"So
I've been told." She headed
off the way he'd indicated.
"Well,
I'll be," Scotty said when he saw her in the
doorway.
Jim
turned. He did look really
cranky. "Chris?"
"Hello
to you, too." She smiled her
best Ops smile at Scotty. "I
need the room."
"Oh,
well, never let it be said I would ever get in the way of a lady and her
needs." He winked at her as he
hurried out.
"What
the hell are you doing here? You
were clear of this. Now, they'll
think you're involved."
"I'm
here to collect Sarek, not break you out of jail."
"I'm
not in jail. We have temporary
asylum."
"You're
crazy enough to need an asylum."
She grinned at him, was happy to see him grin back, even though she
could tell he was fighting it.
"Why
Sarek?"
"Character
witness. Your
trial. I need to convince
him, though. Don't think it'll be
hard since you gave him his son back." She studied him. "You look good. All things considered."
"You
do, too."
She
let her voice soften, dropped some of the Ops attitude. "I'm sorry about your son."
He
looked down. "He was just like
me. Took shortcuts."
"I
heard." At his look of
surprise, she said, "I know a lot these days. I have access, and Matthew keeps me
pretty well apprised if it's something I can't see on my own."
"What
happened to need-to-know?"
"Flew
right out the window when his friend was involved." She smiled gently. "And mine. I think."
"Yes. You are my friend." He took a deep breath. "Spock doesn't remember me."
"I'm
sure that's not true."
"No,
he really doesn't. Not our
friendship. Not the emotions."
"Well,
he's a Vulcan."
"I'm
aware."
"No. I mean when you consider what Spock's
gone through, from growing up half human on this world to trying to expunge his
emotions, is it any wonder they're the most problematic part of his
personality? I have a feeling once the
rest of him is fully functional, the emotions will follow. But...in a controlled
way. A safe way." She touched his cheek. "Probably a much slower way than
you'd like."
"I
like your version much better than the Vulcan healers. They just look at me like I'm a moron
for wanting my friend back."
"You're
many things, Jim Kirk, but you are not a moron."
He
grinned. "So you're here to
get Sarek?"
She
nodded.
"This
isn't your fault, Chris. Unlike
Antonia, there's nothing you have to fix."
"I
know. But I've abandoned you
twice. I'm not going to do it a
third time.
Not when I think he'll listen to me."
He
smiled, and there was so much relief in the expression it almost broke her
heart.
"You
look tired, Jim."
"I
am tired. I'm lightyears
past tired."
"I'm
sorry." Her chrono beeped. "I have to go. Sarek's waiting for me.
I'm gonna pitch the
hell out of him. Wish me
luck."
He
pulled her close, the hug more than a little desperate. "Luck. Much, much luck."
She
eased away and took his hand. "Keep the faith, Jim. We're going to get you out of
this."
"Brave
talk." But he squeezed her
hand before letting it go.
------------
Kirk
saw Chris leave the post-whale party as it was being called and followed her
out. "Leaving so soon?"
She
turned and he was surprised to see her expression was tight and unhappy.
"Chris?"
"Where's
your blast from the past?"
"My
what from the what?" He saw
her lips tighten and laughed.
"You didn't think that Gillian and I...?"
She
shrugged and turned around, walking away from him quickly.
He
caught up with her easily.
"Touchy touchy."
"Don't. I know we've never been anything to each
other. I know I'm acting stupid. I know you've never once indicated you were
interested in me. I know that--"
He
pushed her into a side corridor and kissed her. When they finally pulled away, he said,
"Respectfully, Commander, you don't know shit."
She
laughed. "No?"
"No." He touched her cheek, allowed himself to
linger, to follow the curve of her jaw till he had his hand on the back of her
neck, could pull her slowly to him and kiss her some more.
She
moaned and he pushed against her, laughing as he kissed her, as she pushed him
back against the other side of the corridor and ground against him.
A
low throat-clearing made them both stop and look
over. Spock stood watching
them. "I wanted to thank
Commander Chapel on your behalf, Jim."
"I
think I've got that under control, old friend."
"Yes. I see." Spock looked at her. "You are well?"
"I
am." She sounded very amused.
"Excellent. I will leave you two alone. Although perhaps I might suggest more
private surroundings if you intend to engage in sexual activity." Ever the helpful friend, he nodded again
and left.
Kirk
laughed softly. "He's kind of
back."
"I
told you." She was smiling
very gently. "I have this
problem, sir."
"You
do?"
She
nodded.
"And
it is?"
"I
set up a friend with this guy I know.
And it went all wrong."
"Oh,
I don't think it went wrong at all."
He took her hand. "So,
before we go ravish each other, do you mind if we talk a bit?"
"Not
at all." She let him lead her
down the main corridor and out to the grounds. They sat near some trees on the hill
overlooking the bay and watched the lights come on around them, turning the
city into something magical.
"I
love this view," he said.
She
leaned her head against his shoulder.
"But it's not your favorite."
"And
what is?"
"The
starfield at warp through a viewscreen." She nuzzled his neck. "Any viewscreen
will do, but preferably one on the Enterprise."
"You're
not mistaken."
"I
know. I do know you, Jim. At least that part of you."
He
put his arm around her and sighed.
"Yes, you do."
They
sat quietly, enjoying the night air and the view and each other.
Then
she said, "Sarek was inspired.
You would have loved his speech about you."
"Oh,
yeah?"
She
nodded. "Very
complimentary. Your
courage. Your
selflessness. Your--"
"My
ability to break eighty Starfleet regulations in an hour without breaking a
sweat."
She
laughed. "He left that one
out."
"You
didn't have to get him."
"I
did actually. And it had nothing to
do with this." She took his
hand, ran her fingertips across his palm until he shuddered with pleasure. "It's because we need you. The galaxy needs you, Captain Kirk."
"And
do you need me?"
"I
do." Again
the fingertips across his palm.
Then she leaned in and kissed him, her tongue slipping across his upper
lip lightly, mirroring what her fingers were doing.
He
moaned. "Unless you want me to take you right here, you will stop doing
that until we are back at one of our apartments."
She
laughed and let his hand go. "Party
pooper."
"Do
you know what ship I'm getting?"
She
shrugged.
"You
do. You know."
Again the shrug.
"Damn
it, Chris. Tell me."
"And
spoil the surprise--or the let down?
Not on your life, lover."
"Oh,
I'll get it out of you. Trust me on
that." He pushed her down so
she was lying on the grass, eased his hand underneath her waistband. "Last chance to do this
honorably."
"Do
your worst." She grinned when
she said it.
He
let his fingers slide down and down and...
"Oh,
my God." She moaned a lot of
things, but the name of his damn ship was not one of them. He finally had to put his hand over her
mouth to keep her quiet, and he could tell from the way her eyes were crinkling
that she had said the name into his palm.
"We're
not done yet." He pulled her
close again and kissed her, then groaned as he felt her hands settle in his lap.
"Oh,
sir. Whatever are we going to do
about that?"
"Well,
I can think of several things a considerate woman would do."
She
laughed. Then she leaned in and
said, "Keep an eye out. If I
get caught doing this on Starfleet grounds, I'll never forgive you." She unzipped his pants and--
"Oh,
holy crap." He tried to keep
watch. When his eyes were open and
he could actually still make out shapes and colors and anything at all.
She
reached up and managed to get her hand over his mouth before he made too much
noise.
Quick
thinker. And
capable of multitasking. No
wonder she was doing so well in Ops.
-------------
Chapel
walked down the row of stalls at Jim's uncle's farm. Satan was gone. A bay pony was in the stall the big
black horse had seemed to fill.
"Guess she left."
Jim
came up behind her.
"Yeah. About a month
after I came back to Starfleet, she moved out of the cabin and took Satan to Colorado."
"She
wasn't a bad person."
"No. She wasn't." He dropped his arm around her. "Just not right for me."
"You
need someone who can share you with the stars."
"Not
anymore I don't. I am officially
not on the prowl."
She
laughed, warmed by his grin and his easy way of loving her. And by the way he nodded at Mia's
stall. "Is that the horse you
like?"
"Yep."
"Well,
let's get her saddled up."
She
stopped him as he started to pull away.
"I don't ride as well as Antonia did."
He
started to laugh. "I think
that all depends on what you're riding, Chris. Mia may not enjoy you as much, but trust
me, I have absolutely no complaints."
"No?"
"No. In fact, if I were grading on a curve,
you'd get the higher marks."
"A
bell curve? You grade sex on a bell
curve?" She saw his smile, the
one that lit up only when they were about to get into a lively argument that
required a reasonable amount of brainpower--and some understanding of science
or math.
She
rubbed under his hair on the back of his neck, heard his happy groan. "I love you. Just want to say that before I explain
why you can't possibly grade sex on the bell curve."
"I
love you, too. Now give it your
best shot."
They
were still arguing when they rode out.
FIN