DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the
property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The
story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c)
2013 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.
Inconvenient Connections
by
Djinn
The
sun was high as Spock sat on the porch of his familyÕs retreat in the mountains
north of ShiKahr. He considered sending a message to
Valeris but decided to wait until Christine was safely gone. Pulling his robe more tightly around him,
he drank the water his body so desperately needed after the Pon
Farr.
The
door opened and Christine walked out, fully clothed, hair wet. She sat down next to him and
sighed. ÒThis arrangement...Ó She did not finish her thought so he
nodded and murmured, ÒI know.Ó
She
shifted, as if trying to get comfortable.
ÒDid
I hurt you?Ó
ÒNo,
lying in bed that long just is hell on the back.Ó She leaned against him, and he found the
pressure soothing. ÒPrimal-you
likes me, remember? You never hurt
me.Ó
She
was right. His more primal self was
drawn to her. So much that during
their first time together—the Pon Farr shortly
after his meld with VÕger—he had bonded with
her. He had not given her a choice;
she probably had not been aware he was doing it. He
had barely been aware of his actions.
Until
the Pon Farr was over, and they were left with an
unbreakable bond that he had not wanted.
She, however, had. His
rejection had hurt her a great deal; it was undoubtedly why she had left the ship
and medicine for Emergency Operations.
He
had been surprised that the connection had not died when he had given his life
to save the ship from Khan, but Christine thought the fact that his katra had been kept safe in McCoyÕs consciousness and his
body was regenerated on the Genesis planet so quickly may have kept them
bonded. She said she had felt the
separation when he died, but she had also felt the unique pinging of the bond
start up again when the Fal-tor-pan had been
successful. ÒYou werenÕt ever
entirely gone, SpockÓ was the hypothesis she had put forward with no small
amount of rancor.
And
yet now, sitting here with her, he...felt something. And it was not just his primal self who
was comforted by her presence. Over
the years, with his cycles being irregular and the Fal-tor-pan
playing havoc with his hormones for months after his resurrection, theyÕd been
drawn together frequently and had managed to build something positive.
So
positive that he would have tried to make a life with her if she had wanted it
after the last Pon Farr.
She
had not wanted it. She had found
someone else—had eventually married that someone else.
ÒYour
husband is waiting for you in ShiKahr?Ó he asked.
ÒYes. Probably not too happy with me. WeÕve been here a long time this go
round.Ó
He
nodded. He did not think it a
coincidence that the duration of the Pon Farr was
getting longer. It was, as he
understood it, how it often went for bonded couples separated by duty. Once they were allowed to come together,
it was as if they were compelled to make up for lost time, to...feed the bond
almost. It was a strange thought,
but it was how heÕd felt this time with Christine. As if he was trying to fill a glass left
empty too long.
He
shifted so he could see her face. ÒWill
he be angry?Ó
ÒProbably. But I told him the truth about us when
he asked me to marry him. Knowing
it will happen and living through it are very different things, though.Ó She sighed.
He
thought she was probably thinking of the other men sheÕd been with over the
years. None of whom sheÕd stayed
with—had it been because of the bond?
ÒI
hope it will not be unduly uncomfortable.Ó
She
laughed. ÒHi, Tony. IÕm back from having sex for four days
with a man who is not you.Ó She
shook her head. ÒNo, it wonÕt be at
all uncomfortable. HeÕs not quite buying
the irregular cycle thing. HeÕd
heard seven years, and heÕs not sure why youÕre so different.Ó
ÒYou
told him I was half human?Ó
ÒI
did. He didnÕt find that
comforting.Ó She nudged him. ÒEnough about me. How does Valeris feel about it?Ó
ÒShe
accepts what is, but I am relatively sure our situation is not easy for
her. If she and I eventually formalize
our relationship, she will be denied something that is intrinsic to Vulcan
marriage.Ó
ÒI
didnÕt know you two were that serious.Ó
There was something in her voice he could not read. ÒIsnÕt she a little young for you?Ó
ÒAs
you are not available, I do not believe you should criticize my choices.Ó
ÒOkay,
fine. Rob the cradle.Ó She took the glass of water from him,
drank deeply.
Valeris
would never do such a thing. To
Christine, it was second nature.
Spock wondered if she had any idea how easily she interacted with him.
ÒIÕm
going to go get us some more. Since
IÕm drinking all of this.Ó She
grinned at him. ÒDo you want me to
get my own glass?Ó
He
shook his head before he could think better of it.
ÒYou
like sharing?Ó
ÒWith
you. Yes.Ó
Her
expression changed, grew pensive.
ÒWhy didnÕt we work, Spock?
Why couldnÕt you have given us a chance?Ó Her voice was even; she sounded as if
she was asking him a question about other people, not something so emotionally
charged for her.
ÒI
have at times regretted that.Ó
ÒLike
now?Ó
ÒYes.Ó It was foolish to talk of this. They were with other people. They were content with other people.
ÒYeah,
me, too. But I wasnÕt the one who
walked away from this.Ó She got up
and went back into the house.
When
she came out, she had two glasses.
ÒSharingÕs over,Ó she said softly.
ÒI
am sorry for that, but I understand.Ó
He sipped the water.
This
time she sat on the stairs instead of next to him.
##
Spock
walked into the spaceport and saw Christine standing with a tall man with
blonde hair. Spock nodded to her
slightly, then walked to the far side of the waiting lounge and sat down.
A
moment later, the man was headed his way quickly and with resolve in his steps;
Christine trailed in his wake, looking anxious. Spock was unsure whether to stand or
not, finally decided it would be best.
He
didnÕt think ChristineÕs husband would make trouble, but he wasnÕt certain of
that.
The
man stood just slightly too close to be polite and said, ÒWe havenÕt met. IÕm Tony Sanders. ChristineÕs husband.Ó
ÒA
pleasure.Ó
ÒFor
whom?Ó The man surprised Spock by
smiling, but then the smile changed, became something less friendly. ÒOr are you just trying to be polite in
a really screwed-up situation?Ó
ÒI
am.Ó Spock looked at Christine, who
was hanging back, then back to Sanders.
ÒI regret that this was necessary.Ó
ÒShe
said the same thing.Ó
ÒIt
is an...unusual situation.Ó
ÒWell,
on that we can agree.Ó Sanders
seemed to be studying him. ÒI know
this is awkward, but I needed to meet you.
You have a part of her—I think I deserve to at least have talked
to you.Ó
ÒIt
is a logical need.Ó It was not, of
course, at all logical. It was
emotional. But Spock had learned in
his time as a diplomat that the truth was often less palatable than a
well-constructed fabrication.
ÒSee,
Christine. IÕm logical. Spock said so.Ó Sanders shot Christine a look Spock
could not read, then turned back to Spock.
ÒShe thought it was a mistake to come over.Ó
She
was not meeting SpockÕs eyes as she said, ÒWell, you were right, TonÕ. ItÕs all good. Now, can we go?Ó
ÒWe
can.Ó Sanders turned and headed
back to where theyÕd been waiting.
With a mouthed ÒSorryÓ to Spock, Christine followed him.
##
Valeris
was sitting in the cafeteria at Starfleet Command, and Spock stood at the door
and watched her. There was nothing
in her demeanor to indicate to most onlookers that she was upset by what had
transpired with Christine. Yet,
Spock saw something in the way she was eating, the slight stab of her food, as
if the salad had offended her.
After
selecting his lunch, he walked to her table and murmured, ÒMay I join you?Ó
ÒYou
hardly need to ask.Ó Her eyes were
bright as she looked up at him, but again he got the feeling she was trying
very hard to appear normal. ÒI
have...missed you.Ó
ÒAnd
I you.Ó Which was not, strictly
speaking, true. When he had been
with Christine, he had not been in a state to miss anything. Everything he wanted heÕd had at his
fingertips during the Pon Farr.
And
later he had not thought much of Valeris.
Meeting ChristineÕs husband had given him more to think about. He had found himself dissecting the way
Sanders and Christine interacted.
Why
did he care?
ÒYou
are...well?Ó Valeris asked, and again there was the slight hesitation.
Spock
felt a pang: he would never be driven to her when the Pon
Farr came. Not even if they wed, or
at least for the span of a normal human life. Once Christine was gone, then Valeris
and Spock could bond.
He
did not like to think of Christine being gone.
ÒI
am fine, Valeris.Ó He studied
her. ÒAnd you?Ó
ÒI
am also fine, Spock.Ó She met his
eyes, and he could tell she was trying her utmost to appear normal—to
appear that she was all right with how things were.
ÒI
am truly sorry.Ó
She
shrugged. ÒIt is not as if you care
for the woman, correct?Ó She was
watching him very closely. ÒYou
would have stayed with her after you bonded if you had strong feelings for
her?Ó
He
looked down. ÒI would have.Ó That was what he had always told
himself.
ÒYou
sound convincing, Spock. But I
would have less uncertainty if you would meet my eyes when you answer.Ó Her tone was composed, a perfect Vulcan
even when expressing insecurity.
It
was what he had found so compelling about her. She was a full Vulcan and she looked up
to him. She wanted him, even if
they had not made love—that was SpockÕs doing, not hers.
She
was too young, heÕd told himself. She
was still a junior officer. This
might be simply an infatuation.
All
excellent excuses to keep her close but not too close.
A
memory of the recent Pon Farr returned to him. Christine lying under him, her legs
wrapped tightly around him, her lips hard against his. She had moaned as he moved, then
murmured, ÒI love you. I still love
you.Ó He had not been sure she even
knew what she was saying—they were deep in the rut and the meld was a
strong one.
He
had felt comforted by her words.
Enflamed by her touch. He
wondered if he would find her as compatible a partner without the burning adding
desire and resonance.
ÒYou
are very far away, Spock.Ó There was
hurt in ValerisÕs voice.
ÒDid
you say something?Ó
ÒIt
was of no importance.Ó
They
finished their meal in silence.
##
Several
days later, Spock was in the office Starfleet Command let him use when he was
on Earth for a diplomatic venture.
He heard his chime go off and said, ÒCome.Ó
Christine
walked in, looking uncomfortable—he could not remember the last time she
had been to see him, other than to make plans for this most recent Pon Farr. She
left the door open, as if she didnÕt want any sign of impropriety, and Spock
wondered if her husband was in the vicinity.
She
took a deep breath. ÒI wanted to
catch you before you went back to the Enterprise.Ó
ÒI
leave in two weeks.Ó
ÒSo
long? How does Jim make due without
his first officer?Ó
ÒIt
is becoming more difficult for him, I think. I do not know how long I can
successfully do both jobs.Ó
ÒYouÕre
the king of multitaskers. If anyone can do it...Ó She turned to the back of his office,
seemed to be studying the bare shelves where someone more permanent might put
personal items.
ÒYou
did not come to laud my ability to do two things at once.Ó
ÒYouÕre
right. I didnÕt.Ó She turned to look at him. ÒFirst, IÕm sorry about Tony.Ó
ÒHe
was quite pleasant under the circumstances.Ó
She
laughed softly. ÒTo you. He was quite pleasant to you.Ó
ÒHe
did not hurt you, did he?Ó
She
looked surprised. ÒOh, no, I donÕt
mean that. HeÕs a good man. This is hard on him, as I think youÕd
expect. I certainly expected it. I just didnÕt imagine him wanting to
meet you. He knew who you were of
course—how could he not? But
to, well, charge you in the middle of the spaceport—it wasnÕt what I
expected.Ó
He
waited, surely this was not the only reason she was here. When she said nothing more, he rose and
walked over to her. ÒI was not
overly distressed by his actions.
Were I in his situation, I would want to inspect my rival.Ó
ÒRival? Is that what you are?Ó She looked up at him with an expression
that managed to be both irritated and helpless. Then she looked down, as if meeting his
eyes was difficult. ÒHave things
changed for us? You seem
different. We seem different.Ó
ÒCommander
Chapel,Ó a snap of her title, somehow still managing to keep within the bounds
of Vulcan propriety, sounded from the doorway. Spock turned and saw Valeris there. Her face was a perfect Vulcan mask, but
he could tell she was not pleased to see Christine with him.
Christine
turned slowly. ÒLieutenant.Ó She seemed to put an extra emphasis on
the rank. ÒDo you make it a habit
to linger in doorways when your superiors are having a conversation?Ó
Spock
had never witnessed Christine on the job at Emergency Operations. He suddenly had a vision of just how
much she had changed since her time as a nurse and then a doctor on the ship.
ÒI
was not lingering. I have an
appointment with Captain Spock.Ó
That
was a mangling of the truth. They
were to have lunch. He glanced at
the chrono—it was the time they had set to
meet. But she could easily have
waited outside or gone away and come back.
Then
again, it was not as if Christine was here for any official reason and he
suspected Valeris had ascertained that.
Christine
walked toward Valeris, and she managed to be very intimidating as she moved. She stopped before she was close enough
to give offense and said, ÒIÕm sure the captain will come get you when weÕre
done.Ó
It was a resoundingly cruel choice of words in SpockÕs estimation, and he could
see Valeris register the double meaning by the way her eyes narrowed.
She
looked at Spock, ignoring Christine as only a Vulcan could, when she said, ÒI
will see you later, sir.Ó
ÒIndeed,
Valeris.Ó He used her name because
he felt that he should make up for what Christine had said.
Christine
turned and walked back to him, leaving Valeris facing her back. Spock tried to send Valeris some
message—he was not sure what—in the swift downturn of his brows,
and she nodded and walked out.
ÒThat
was harshly said.Ó He went back to
his chair and sat, trying to hide the fact that he was not as irritated at
Christine as he perhaps should be.
That
some part of him had just enjoyed that exchange.
Did
he want her? Now? When it was too late?
ÒShe
loves you. She loves you enough to
be jealous. That must feel good
after TÕPring.Ó Christine sighed
and all the steel went out of her posture.
ÒIÕm sorry, Spock. I donÕt
know what came over me.Ó
ÒIt
is possible that you still feel...territorial after the Pon
Farr. The bond was invoked, the
need to return to Vulcan felt by both of us. We are mated, despite how we live apart.Ó
ÒThat
must be hard for her. I mean, I
knew that intellectually, but I guess I just never put
emotion—love—into the mix since sheÕs a full Vulcan.Ó She shook her head. ÒI should know better. Your father is certainly capable of it.Ó
There
were times he resented the way she got on with his father. He resented even more the disapproval in
SarekÕs voice when he asked why Spock could not come
to his senses and formalize the union with the woman he had made his mate.
Spock
had a feeling Christine had told Sarek the parting was not her idea—but
he did not blame her: Sarek had no doubt worked it out of her in his inimitable
way.
ÒI
do not wish to keep her waiting, Christine.Ó
ÒYou
never answered my question. Have
things changed between us?Ó
ÒYou
are married. Happily, if I am not
mistaken? Why does this matter?Ó
She
seemed to have to think about that.
ÒEgo, probably. Or maybe I
still love you. One or both.Ó She headed to the door, but she turned
before leaving. ÒOr maybe IÕm just
a bitch who likes to make trouble.
I think you will not have an easy meeting
with your young lieutenant.Ó
He
tried to ignore the way she had to mention ValerisÕs
youth and rank. It was entirely
possible this older Christine was the kind of woman she just called herself—and
was making trouble.
The
thing that concerned him was that he was not sure he minded.
##
Spock
finished packing the last of his things.
Starfleet had finally made him choose, and Spock had chosen diplomacy.
He
heard a cough at his door, realized he had left it open when the officer from
the quartermasterÕs shop had picked up his foot locker.
ÒSo,Ó
JimÕs voice was full of emotion, and Spock turned to him. ÒThis is it?Ó
ÒThis
is not like before. I am not going
to Gol, Jim.
Merely to Starfleet Command.Ó
ÒGol may be preferable to that place.Ó Jim winked. ÒDiplomacy, huh? Over staying on ship? I just canÕt see it.Ó
ÒI
realize that. This ship defines
you. And your name has become
synonymous with it.Ó
ÒMy
wife, some say this ship is.Ó Jim
wandered the room, seemed to be taking in the empty shelves and closet. ÒIt wonÕt be the same without you
here. But I imagine your paramour
will be glad to get you back on Earth.Ó
For
a moment, Spock wondered how Jim knew about the Pon
Farr and Christine. Then he
realized that of course Jim was speaking of Valeris. Jim had no idea Spock had bonded with
Christine. Why had Spock never told
him?
He
wondered who Christine had told, other than her husband. Did Nyota know? Did Leonard? And if they did, then had they told Jim
and would Jim hold it against him?
ÒYou
refer to Valeris?Ó he finally said into the silence.
ÒWho
else?Ó There was definitely
something in JimÕs voice, something Spock hadnÕt heard before. Disappointment? Hurt?
ÒI
have not rushed that relationship.
She is very young and looks up to me. But I can see a future with her, as my
wife.Ó
ÒAnother
Vulcan wife.Ó JimÕs expression was
unreadable. ÒJust like TÕPring,
then? The bond, this time with no
challenge, though.Ó
ÒIt
will be a Vulcan marriage, yes.Ó
ÒOh,
for GodÕs sake, Spock, cut the crap.
You think I donÕt know about you and Chris?Ó
ÒDid
Doctor McCoy tell you?Ó
ÒNo. Chris told me. One night in the officerÕs club after
our adventure back to save the whales.
Too much tequila can often equal truth.Ó He sat down at the desk. ÒI know you were on Vulcan a couple
months ago. I know she was, too.Ó
Spock
suddenly wondered just what Chris meant to Jim that he should know these
things. ÒIf you are interested in
Christine, Jim, you should have told me.Ó
Jim
laughed, the soft, bitter laugh that was SpockÕs least favorite. ÒThatÕs not what IÕm talking about,
Spock. I happen to be a fan of you
two together. But youÕre not
together and you do seem fond of Valeris, and itÕs Valeris IÕm worried
about. I donÕt think youÕre her
only crush.Ó
ÒI
am far more than a crush, Jim.Ó
ÒFine,
call it what you like.Ó Jim took a
deep breath, seemed to be thinking about something. Finally, he said, ÒYou know Matt
CartwrightÕs my friend, so I say this with reluctance, but IÕve seen them
together. The way she looks at him is...significant.Ó
ÒHe
is an admiral who values her greatly as an officer. Valeris appreciates being valued.Ó
ÒSomething
is going on there. You know
me—I do have some expertise in this area. They share something.Ó
ÒI
have not rushed the relationship with Valeris, but I have melded with her. She has no feelings for him other than
the natural admiration of a junior officer for an admiral.Ó
JimÕs
lip went up on the side, the ÒgotchaÓ smile as Leonard called it. ÒAnd of course you engage in deep melds with her. Let her see exactly what you do with
Chris on your ÔsabbaticalsÕ? How
much you do or donÕt feel for her?Ó
Spock
looked away.
ÒYeah. ThatÕs what I thought.Ó He stood up. ÒThis isnÕt how I wanted your leaving to
go.Ó He settled his hand on SpockÕs
shoulder, the warm regard coming through the contact the same as ever. ÒI just donÕt want you to get hurt. IÕm not sure how invested Valeris is in
you. And, more importantly, I think
you might want to consider Chris instead.Ó
ÒChristine
is married.Ó
Jim
grinned. The real grin, the one
Spock liked best. ÒYeah, you might
want to talk to her about that.Ó He
winked at Spock and said, ÒIÕll see you next time IÕm on Earth. If you ever need a ride to your
diplomatic assignments, call me first.Ó
He tightened his grip on SpockÕs arm, then let go. ÒGood luck, Spock.Ó
ÒThank
you, Jim. I will see you soon.Ó
Jim
nodded and walked out.
Spock
considered what Jim had just said about ChristineÕs marriage. He would most definitely talk to her
about it.
##
Spock
stood at the entrance to Emergency Operations and watched Christine as she
moved around the space. She
reminded him of Jim the way she stopped to talk to her people, the slight touch
on the shoulder or arm, the warm, easy smile.
She
stood up and seemed to stiffen, then turned to look at him. He had to bite back a reaction: she had
known he was there. Had felt it
through the bond. And he could
sense something coming back from her.
Irritation—and excitement.
Then pleasure: she was happy to see him.
She
pointed to an office and met him at the door. ÒNot the way I expected my morning to
go.Ó Gesturing him to one of her
guest chairs, she closed the door then sat down behind her desk.
ÒI
am home based on Earth now.Ó
ÒI
know.Ó
He
let a rising eyebrow be an answer to that.
ÒDo
you want me to lie?Ó Her voice
slipped into a strange falsetto. ÒOh,
Spock, really? How amazing that
youÕre here.Ó She didnÕt look away,
but her voice went back to its normal tone when she said, ÒI always know where
you are.Ó
ÒThe
bond?Ó
She
laughed. ÒNo, itÕs this little
thing called the location command.
Knowing where ships and people are is our job here.Ó
He
let the side of his mouth tick up.
She
smiled more fully. ÒAlthough I did
feel you just now. I donÕt remember
that happening before. Has it for
you?Ó
He
shook his head. ÒAs you said the
last time we talked, something has changed between us.Ó
She
looked away, moving padds on her desk almost nervously. ÒI try not to think too much about
that.Ó
ÒWhy
not?Ó
She
sighed. ÒBecause I want to hear that. I want you. But...youÕre taken.Ó
ÒTechnically,
in the Vulcan sense, I am taken by you.Ó
She
laughed softly. ÒTrue.Ó Then she met his eyes. ÒBut in a human sense. DoesnÕt Valeris own that part of your
heart?Ó
ÒI
am unsure at this point.Ó
Her
eyes widened. ÒWhat?Ó
ÒI
have never initiated a sexual relationship with her, Christine. Why do you think that is?Ó
ÒBecause
sheÕs young enough to be your daughter.Ó
He
took a deep breath. ÒI do not
believe that is it.Ó He leaned
in. ÒJim told me to ask you about
your marriage.Ó
She
blushed deeply. ÒOh, shit. So, he also told you about a certain
evening with tequila?Ó
He
realized she was couching the question so that if he was unaware of her truth
telling, she could go another direction.
ÒI know you told him about the bond.Ó
ÒIÕm
sorry.Ó She made a face. ÒI never intended to tell him anything,
I swear.Ó
ÒI
believe you. I am, in fact,
unconcerned about your inability to hold your liquor and your tongue at the
same time. I wish to know of the
state of your marriage.Ó
ÒWhy?Ó
ÒBecause
things have changed between us.Ó He held her gaze. ÒAnd I am interested in that. I am very interested.Ó
ÒWeÕve
never been together outside of the Pon Farr. YouÕve never let us. Maybe we wouldnÕt work.Ó
ÒIn
bed or in a relationship?Ó
ÒEither. You donÕt want to sleep with me unless
your biological urges get the better of you.Ó
He
let his lips go up into a true, if small, smile. ÒYou are wrong. This last time, the final few hours we
spent in bed? The burning was
gone. I was with you because I wanted you, and I know that you wanted
me. I could feel it through the
melds, the bond, and by the way you moved against me.Ó
She
stared at him and swallowed hard. ÒFine,
if you must know, my marriage is over.
Our being together during the Pon Farr ate at
Tony. He thought he could handle
it, but it was harder than he expected.
And IÕve been distracted. IÕve
been thinking about you a lot and not paying much attention to my husband. TonyÕs not the kind of guy to take a
back seat, you know? He loves me,
but he thinks I lied to him from the start. That I always loved you.Ó
ÒYou
always did love me.Ó
ÒThatÕs
not the point. I pushed it
back. I moved on.Ó She took a deep breath, then exhaled
quickly, a huff of exasperation, he imagined. ÒJust not far enough.Ó
ÒHow
could you, when we have this bond between us?Ó
ÒI
didnÕt ask for it.Ó She got up and
walked to the window of her office; Spock saw that it looked out on the
Starfleet gardens. ÒI would have
gladly been your wife, but you didnÕt want that. I accepted your decision—with
difficulty, granted—but I did accept it.Ó
He
stood and joined her at the window.
ÒAre you still living with him?Ó
ÒYes,
but IÕm moving out.Ó
ÒHave
you secured a place yet?Ó
She
glanced at him. ÒNo.Ó
ÒNeither
have I. Perhaps we could look for
one together.Ó
ÒYou,
me, and Valeris, you mean?Ó
He
put his hand on her back and rubbed gently, felt her lean back into his touch. ÒI believe it is time for my
relationship with Valeris to revert back to sponsorship—if she still
wishes to have contact once I have told her you and I have decided to cohabitate.Ó
ÒI
havenÕt said yes yet.Ó
ÒI
know. Am I being presumptuous?Ó
She
smiled. ÒYes.Ó
ÒI
accept that. Am I wrong in my
presuming?Ó
She
smiled again. ÒNo. But tell her first. IÕm not considering this any further until
youÕre free of her.Ó
ÒAcceptable.Ó
ÒAnd
itÕs just a trial run. DonÕt tell people
weÕre married.Ó
ÒTechnically
we are.Ó
ÒDonÕt
tell people that, either.Ó She turned
to study him. ÒI suppose youÕve got
a space all picked out for our little love nest?Ó
He
shook his head. ÒI thought it best
we look for it together.Ó
Her
smile was a pleased one, but then it changed. ÒSo answer me this: why didnÕt you break
up with the little princess first?Ó
He
lifted an eyebrow at the sarcasm in her tone. ÒBecause I came right to you once I left
the ship.Ó
ÒRomantic
if you look at it one way.
Pragmatic if you come at it from another angle: what if IÕd said
no? YouÕd still have her this way.Ó
ÒYou
work with scenarios in Ops. I
accept that. However, I truthfully
was driven to you, to not wait to discuss this. I have great regard for her as a fellow
officer and as a protŽgŽ, but romantically, she is secondary in this.Ó
ÒI
wouldnÕt tell her that when you kick her to the curb.Ó ChristineÕs smile was not a very nice
one.
Spock
did not call her on it.
##
Spock
commed Valeris, leaving her a message to come to his
office when she could. He assessed
his feelings for a moment once he cut the connection. He should probably feel something more
profound than relief that he was ending their romance, but he did not. He had used Valeris, and she had let him
use her. What had she been
thinking? He was bonded with
Christine—it was unseemly to take another womanÕs man.
No,
he must not make her the villain in this.
He had used her. The fault
was with him. He had not wanted
Christine when he first bonded with her, and then once he did, she was no
longer free. He had chosen Valeris
because he was proud of her, proud of her accomplishments—and he still
was. She had the brightest mind he
had ever known.
He
should not have reached as far as he did.
He should not have let admiration turn to more. Even if he had never been inclined to
take their relationship to the final stage.
Enough. This was what it was. He would hurt Valeris, and he was sure
she would not show him how much.
She would be Vulcan in this as in all things.
He
went back to work, but a nagging sense of guilt lingered. When his chime sounded, he said, ÒCome,Ó
and the guilt intensified. He had
not been free; he should never have pursued her. His father had tried to tell him this,
but Spock would not listen.
ÒYou
wanted to see me?Ó ValerisÕs eyes were sparkling.
He
realized she had changed her hair.
It was no longer up in a bun, was instead cut into a chin-length style.
It
was not unlike the way Christine wore her hair now except that Valeris had hers
held back from her face with a silver headband and her bangs were cut more
severely over her ears. ÒYour
hair.Ó
ÒDo
you approve?Ó
ÒIt
is not important that I approve or not.
It is your hair, Valeris.Ó
The
sparkle died and she cocked her head, studying him intently. ÒSo, you do not like it.Ó
ÒI
did not say that.Ó But if he were
truthful, he would say that. It
made him uneasy that she had thought it necessary to cut her hair in such a
similar way to ChristineÕs.
ÒIt
is easier to maintain.Ó
He
thought that was probably untrue, but he did not call her on it. Did not play their old game and ask, ÒA
lie?Ó
She
sat. ÒYou have something to tell
me?Ó
ÒI
do.Ó He took a deep breath. Looking at her, seeing her usually eager
eyes dimmed, he felt the guilt again.
ÒYou are aware that I value you greatly, Valeris, are you not? That our association brings me great
satisfaction.Ó
She
nodded, but it was a tentative motion, as if she did not like the careful way
he was phrasing things.
ÒI
can never give you a full life with me.
Never give you access to the heart of a marriage—what a Vulcan
wife deserves.Ó
She
frowned, the expression nothing more than pulled-down eyebrows, but still a
breach. ÒI have been aware of that
since you first told me you had bonded with another woman.Ó
She
would not even say ChristineÕs name?
She
leaned in. ÒI have made peace with
this, Spock. Please, if you feel
uneasy, then do not persist in that.
I am aware of the limits that face us, but I also know that we can still
have a full life. And she will not
live forever.Ó
He
glanced at her sharply—even if he had thought of this himself, he did not
like the sound of it when she said it.
She
held up a hand, and he realized he must have telegraphed his displeasure. ÒI do not mean anything by that. Except that Vulcans outlive humans,
barring untimely death. It is the
natural way.Ó
ÒIt
is.Ó He looked down for a moment,
then back up, meeting her gaze, knowing he had to look at her when he said
this. ÒIt is also the natural way
for a Vulcan male to bond with the woman he wishes to spend his life with.Ó
Her
expression turned to stone.
ÒEven
if the male does not realize that at the time of bonding.Ó He leaned forward. ÒIt is not something that can be
resisted, Valeris. Once you are
bonded, you will understand.Ó
ÒYou
wish to be with Commander Chapel?
But she is married.Ó
ÒHer marriage is ending.Ó
She
leaned back and said, ÒI see.Ó
ÒI
hold you in the highest regard. I
most willingly offer to continue as your sponsor, but I understand if this is
not an association you can maintain at this time.Ó
ÒYou
would forsake me in all ways?Ó Her
voice was even, no emotion coming through to accompany words so plaintive.
ÒI
am not forsaking you. This happened
long before we met. It was set into
motion when you were a youth. I
should not have pursued you.Ó
ÒIt
was I who pursued you, Spock. Give
me the credit of that at least.Ó
She stood and walked to the door.
ÒI will consider if I wish to continue our association. There are others who would be suitable
mentors.Ó
ÒLike
Admiral Cartwright?Ó
She turned and gave him a puzzled look.
One that eventually made him say, ÒI had heard you were close.Ó
ÒYou
had heard? You have been in my
mind, Spock. Although you have
never gone very deep. Now I know
why, if your sentiments for that woman were changing. I can see how you would not want me
aware of this. Had you gone deeper,
you would have seen that you are the only man that matters to me.Ó
ÒI
beg forgiveness, Valeris. I should
not listen to gossip.Ó
ÒGossip?Ó Her expression was one he could not
read. ÒFrom her?Ó
He
shook his head. ÒI will not tell
you who told me, but it was not Christine.Ó
ÒHow
easily her name slips from your tongue now, Spock. Before it was always Commander Chapel.Ó She took a deep breath. ÒI wish you both well.Ó
She
turned and walked out, and he sat for a moment before comming
Christine.
When
she answered, he said only, ÒIt is done.Ó
ÒIs
she okay?Ó
ÒDo
you care?Ó He could not envision a
scenario where Christine would worry over the state of ValerisÕs
heart.
ÒOnly
in the sense of I might have made an enemy. SheÕs smarter than I am—and IÕm
plenty smart. I hate to think of
all that brainpower gunning for me.Ó
ÒYou
are not in favor, but then you never have been with her, to be honest. I believe she took the news with as much
equanimity as can be expected.Ó
ÒOn
the outside. But how is she on the
inside?Ó There was a long silence,
and he waited her out. Finally, she
said, ÒOkay, then. LetÕs find a
place to live.Ó
##
To
SpockÕs surprise, Christine insisted on a place that would allow them both to
have their own bedrooms. He wanted
a study, as well, so they ended up in a large three-bedroom apartment in a high
rise within walking distance of Command.
When
heÕd asked Christine why she was adamant about having her own room, sheÕd given
him a hard look and said, ÒIÕm not sold on this concept yet.Ó
Her
tone and expression had been resolute enough that he had chosen not to
challenge her statement. He was
fairly certain she would come around once they were together, and if she did,
they would have a guest room once she moved into his bedroom. Or he moved into hers—heÕd let her
have the nicer of the two.
It
was their second week in the apartment and Spock was making coffee—for
her, he normally did not indulge—when Christine came out of her bedroom
and walked up behind him, wrapping her arms around him and hugging him.
ÒTo
what do I owe this? It is most
pleasurable.Ó
She
laughed. ÒBecause youÕre a hell of
a lot better roommate than I thought you would be.Ó
He
put one hand over hers and continued setting the coffee maker with the
other. ÒAnd this surprises you?Ó
ÒYep.Ó
He
pulled her around so she was hugging him from the side and wrapped his arm
around her. She didnÕt complain, so
when he finished the coffee prep, he moved so he could draw her to where she
was facing him.
ÒItÕs
going to be hard for me to make us breakfast,Ó she said in a sultry whisper,
Òif you do this.Ó
ÒI
find myself increasingly less invested in breakfast.Ó
She
laughed, and then surprised him by pulling him down to her for a kiss. A kiss he engaged in willingly and with
great enthusiasm. She grinned as they
finally pulled away. ÒYowza.Ó
ÒIndeed.Ó He wanted to pick her up and carry her
to a bed—or the couch, a nearby table might also be acceptable—but
he settled for leaning in for a quick kiss on the cheek and letting her go. He reached for a mug out of the cabinet.
ÒSo
you want me to fix breakfast?Ó
ÒWant
would be an exaggeration. I merely
do not wish to push this relationship in a direction you are not yet ready for
it to go.Ó
She
took the mug out of his hand, pulled him back down to her, and just before
their lips touched, she whispered, ÒWho says IÕm not ready?Ó
He
pulled back enough to see her eyes.
ÒYou are ready?Ó
ÒWerenÕt
you about to kiss me?Ó
ÒI
was. Answer the question.Ó
She
laughed and nodded. ÒYour room or
mine, sailor?Ó
ÒNeither.Ó He lifted her to the counter—she
was not wearing any underwear under her sleepshirt
and robe—and undid his uniform pants. Then he kissed her and rubbed her back
and the nape of her neck the way heÕd learned she liked during the Pon Farrs.
She
moaned and played with his hair the way sheÕd no doubt learned he liked, and
then she whispered, ÒSpock, for the love of God. Just do it.Ó She pulled him closer, wriggled a little
and then...there.
He
sighed. Loudly. To be more precise, it was more of a
moan than a sigh.
ÒSomebody
likes this,Ó she said as she wrapped her legs around him and pulled him in
more.
ÒA
most accurate statement.Ó He kissed
her as tenderly as he could manage given how hard he was thrusting, and he felt
something ping between them through the bond, something heÕd never felt during
the Pon Farrs theyÕd
shared.
Amusement. Lightness. Joy?
ÒHoly
shit, Spock. This is amazing.Ó
He
would not have phrased it precisely that way, but he had to concur.
##
Spock
sat working in his office at Command, getting ready for his next mission. A very special one and one he was
honored to be chosen for. Reaching
out to the Klingons was a step he had not thought Starfleet would make in his
lifetime, let alone so soon.
His
chime went off and he said, ÒCome,Ó expecting it to be the assistant Command
had assigned him, but instead it was Valeris who walked in.
ÒI
hope I am not bothering you.Ó
He
put down his padd. ÒIt is never a
bother, Valeris.Ó
ÒI
have had time to consider our relationship. You are an excellent mentor with
outstanding connections. I would
like to continue our association.Ó
ÒYou
are certain?Ó
She
nodded. ÒI know that your
relationship with the commander is progressing. I have seen you together in the corridors
of Command and you look...compatible.Ó
Spock
knew compatible wasnÕt sufficient to describe what he felt for Christine and
what he knew she felt for him. But
he would let Valeris categorize their regard any way she wished.
ÒAlso,
I need to say something. I believe
I must be honest in this, Spock, because I used to think we were honest with
each other, but now I question that.Ó
As he began to protest, she held her hand up. ÒPlease, do not insult me with
arguments. You clearly had stronger
sentiments for Commander Chapel than you led me to believe.Ó
He
stopped what he had been going to say.
Primarily because she was right: at the time he had begun to think of
Valeris as a possible wife, he had already realized he wanted more from
Christine.
ÒMy
honesty is this, Spock. You are
making a mistake choosing her. Logic
dictates that your best path lies with a Vulcan.Ó
ÒLogic? The choosing of a mate is rarely
logical, Valeris. And I do not
think you would argue thus if you were approaching this from a logical
standpoint alone. I realize I have
hurt you. I regret that deeply.Ó
ÒShe
is not good enough for you.Ó
ÒBecause
she is human?Ó He saw she realized
the trap she had stumbled into.
ÒBut then by that reasoning, would I also not be good enough for
you? I am, after all, half
human. Would you view my mother with
the same...contempt you show for my mate?Ó
ÒI
hold your mother in high esteem.Ó
Spock
wondered if Valeris knew his mother did not return the sentiment. Like Sarek, she preferred Christine. Unlike Sarek, she had never harangued
him over it.
ÒI
have made my decision, Valeris. My
only regret in making it now is that it hurt you—I should have acted
sooner, but circumstances did not allow.Ó
ÒIt
is not solely that she is human, Spock. I did not intend to give insult. It is that—do you have
conversations with her that truly stimulate you? What does she bring to this match? Stories of the latest emergencies?Ó
He
narrowed his eyes. ÒI have
difficulty believing you have not researched her background at some point. She is a scientist. She has more degrees than I do, Lieutenant.Ó He saw Valeris wince slightly at the
title. ÒHer intellectual acuity is
not in question.Ó
ÒAnd
yet you did not choose her when you had the chance, when you first bonded with
her.Ó Valeris stared at him with an
expressionless face. She might have
been discussing why he had selected a particular entrŽe for a meal. Yet underneath the stoicism, he thought
there was something more, something emotional.
Valeris
could talk all she wished about logic, but she was not approaching this from
that standpoint, or she would see her position was a losing one and give up
before she offended him.
ÒSpock,
I believe we are kindred intellects.Ó
ÒI
have often thought so.Ó
ÒIs
that not more important than whatever momentary passion you feel for her? You have recently returned from the Pon Farr. Your
physiological system is still recovering.
What you feel for her may be transient. And you will outlive her by many years. Choose me, Spock. It is the logical thing to do.Ó
He
could hear his fatherÕs words to him, echoing back across the decades. But no matter what his father had said,
Spock knew—had seen with his own eyes—how much Sarek loved his
mother. Logic had nothing to do
with their union. And it had little
to do with Spock and ChristineÕs.
He
took a deep breath, steepled his fingers, and studied Valeris. ÒDo you wish to be my protŽgŽ?Ó
ÒI
have said so.Ó
ÒThen
give up being my wife. I have one.Ó
She
did not look away. Finally, she
nodded. ÒI apologize if I gave
insult to your...wife.Ó
ÒIt
is forgiven. Pain makes one do
things that are out of character.Ó
ÒDo
you expect she and I to be friends?Ó
He
shook his head, tried to make his eyes as gentle as he could.
ÒGood,Ó
she said, and she rose gracefully.
ÒThank you, Spock, for being careful with me.Ó
ÒThis
is my fault, Valeris. I should
never have let our relationship progress as it did.Ó
ÒYou
were not alone in this relationship, Spock. You cannot take blame—or
credit—for it.Ó
He
nodded his head to acknowledge what she said, then watched her straighten her
shoulders and walk out of his office.
##
ÒSo
I just get you and youÕre leaving?Ó
Christine moved over Spock, and he closed his eyes as she did things
with her mouth that made it impossible for him to answer her. He reached down, stroked her hair gently
as she played, enjoying the sensation of her on him but keeping his touch
light—he knew she hated the feeling of being held down when in that
position.
In
other positions, she didnÕt seem to have quite the same concerns.
She
finished, making him cry out, and before he was fully recovered, slugged him
lightly in the arm and said, ÒYouÕre leaving, buster. Are you even listening to me?Ó
He opened his eyes, saw she was smiling, and closed his eyes again to enjoy the
post-orgasmic contentment. ÒNo,
Christine, I am not listening to you.Ó
She
laughed. ÒYeah, I had a feeling you
might not be.Ó She kissed his cheek
and he turned so her next kiss landed on his lips. When she finally pulled away, she asked,
ÒHave you told anyone else where youÕre going?Ó
ÒNo. Only you.Ó
She
snuggled in next to him. ÒAnd Sarek
knows.Ó
ÒOf
course, since he gave me this mission.Ó
ÒDoes
Valeris?Ó
ÒI
am unclear what part of Ôonly youÕ requires further queries. And why would I tell Valeris?Ó He opened his eyes to check her
expression—she was not happy he had resumed his mentorship of Valeris and
had not been reticent in letting him know that.
ÒI
donÕt know how much you tell her.Ó
ÒNot
as much as I tell you. You are my
mate. She is my protŽgŽ. You see the difference, of course?Ó
She
sighed. ÒI see it
intellectually. But emotionally, to
feel it—IÕm not there yet.
You were with her, Spock.Ó
ÒI
was with her because I could not have you.
And I was never with her sexually.Ó
ÒBut
you melded. You have a connection
with her.Ó
ÒI
am proud of her. I am proud of my
affiliation with her—as a sponsor, not a lover.Ó He rolled her to her back, began to kiss
his way down to more intimate parts.
ÒNot
fair. You know IÕll believe
anything you say when you do—oh, God, yes that. Do that.Ó
He
allowed himself a small smile. Making
Christine writhe under his tongue gave him no end of satisfaction.
But
when he finished, after sheÕd made a great deal of noise and was lying quietly
against him again, she murmured, ÒDonÕt you think itÕs kind of weird she wanted
you back in her life? ItÕd kill me
to be around you now if you called this off.Ó
ÒI
have no plans to call this off.Ó
ÒBut
you know what I mean?Ó
He
nodded. ÒI do not think ValerisÕs feelings for me were as strong as you—or
I—might have thought. There
may be others she also admires. Jim
seems to think she had feelings for Admiral Cartwright.Ó
Christine
pushed herself up on one elbow.
ÒWhat? Matt? No way.Ó
ÒI,
too, find it unlikely. But Jim saw
them and said they looked...together.Ó
ÒThere
is no way Matt would do that. I
know the man. He wouldnÕt go for
her.Ó
ÒDid
he ever try to interest you in a relationship with him?Ó
ÒHe
was my boss.Ó
Spock
let an eyebrow go up. ÒI present
Exhibit A: Roger Korby.Ó
She
laughed. ÒPoint taken. But no. I love him as a friend and a
champion. ThatÕs it.Ó She nuzzled his neck. ÒEnough talk about Valeris. IÕm about to lose you to the Klingons
for a while. I want to focus on us,
not outside distractions.Ó
ÒA
most logical suggestion.Ó
ÒYouÕre
rubbing off on me, Spock. Not sure
thatÕs good.Ó She laughed as she
ran her hand down his front.
ÒSpeaking of rubbing...Ó
He
gave himself over to her talented hands until she climbed on top of him and
rode him hard to completion.
ÒI
love you, mister,Ó she said with a soft smile as she collapsed gently on his
chest.
ÒAnd
I you, Christine.Ó
##
Spock
sat next to Christine in a booth in the out-of-the-way restaurant Jim had
chosen, enjoying the rare opportunity of having his friend on Earth at the same
time he was.
ÒSo,
you two doing okay?Ó Jim was
grinning as he asked, and Christine nudged Spock in the ribs gently. ÒOh, guess you have to answer that one,
my friend.Ó
ÒShe
is subtle, is she not? It is one of
her most appealing qualities.Ó
Spock heard Christine laugh softly.
ÒWe are doing well, unless my woman would care to add a differing
opinion?Ó
ÒYour
woman is studying the menu. Which
is huge and full of yummy things.Ó
She looked up at Jim. ÒWhere
did you find this place?Ó
He
grinned. ÒFriend of mine eats here
all the time. ItÕs a hole in the
wall, but the food is amazing.Ó
ÒSometimes
the least likely things yield the most amazing results.Ó She grinned and went back to studying
the menu.
ÒWell
said. And I guess that means I
donÕt have to ask about your sex life.Ó
Jim chuckled and winked at Spock.
ÒThey make a vegetarian lasagna here thatÕs to die for. Or so my friend tells me—IÕve
never wandered off the carnivore side of the menu.Ó
Spock
decided to go with JimÕs suggestion and put his menu down. ÒHow are you finding Commander Melton?Ó
ÒHeÕs
not you.Ó JimÕs voice held a
tension that Spock thought was either disappointment in his new first officer
or annoyance with Spock for leaving.
Or possibly both.
ÒGive
it time, Jim,Ó Christine said gently.
ÒWhen Jan left I was really hard on the person who took her place. Turns out I was looking for my friend,
which he couldnÕt magically become, but he was doing the job just fine.Ó
ÒOh,
quit being wise, Chris.Ó Jim
sighed. ÒI do miss my friend. But itÕs more than that. We had a synergy as a command team that
I am not finding with Melton.Ó
ÒWe
did not have that synergy when we first met, Jim. It took time to build. Give him the opportunity to surprise
you.Ó
ÒOr
not,Ó Christine added, not terribly helpfully in SpockÕs opinion.
ÒThatÕs
my bet, Chris, that he wonÕt surprise me.
Despite what our Vulcan Pollyanna says.Ó
ÒHe
does tend to think the best of people.Ó
She thankfully did not mention Valeris specifically, although Spock knew
that was who she meant.
And
he had not shared with her certain things Valeris had said over the past few
months, things that led him to believe she was not moving on as quickly as he
might have hoped. Her behavior was,
of course, perfect, but there was something in her tone. Something in the way she occasionally
talked of how the future was an open book, waiting for those who would write on
it. Her expression when she said
such things was almost euphoric. If
he thought she was a danger to Christine, he would report her. But that was not how she sounded. She sounded more like his brother had
when speaking of his quest than a jealous woman.
ÒSpock?Ó Christine touched his leg under the
table and he realized the waiter was ready to take their orders.
ÒThe lasagna. Vegetarian.Ó
The
man entered his order on a padd and left.
Jim
studied him. ÒDistracted,
Spock? Working on something
interesting?Ó
ChristineÕs
expression did not change, and Spock admired how careful she was with the
information he gave her.
ÒI
am, Jim. But I am not at liberty to
discuss it.Ó In his younger days,
he would never have imagined a time would come when he could share the details
of a mission with Christine and not with Jim.
ÒBut
youÕre happy? In your diplomatic
work? Not chomping at the bit to
come back to me?Ó Jim looked
resigned as he smiled.
ÒI
am extremely content, Jim. Both
with my work and my personal situation.Ó
ÒWow,
pull out the big guns, honey. IÕm a
personal situation.Ó Christine was
laughing softly. ÒYou see what I
put up with, Jim? Gotta take my endearments where I can.Ó
Spock
let an eyebrow go up but did not dispute her words. Jim did not need to know that just
earlier Spock had been sharing endearments that were vastly out of character
but often the result of spending time in bed with her.
ÒChris,
I can see that you have a hard life.Ó
Jim held up his glass of beer. ÒTo friendship and other types of
relationships.Ó
Christine
chinked her beer glass against his and SpockÕs water glass. ÒHere here.Ó
Spock
didnÕt say anything; he was too busy holding on to the feeling of being with
the two people he cared for the most.
##
Spock
saw Christine coming down the corridor toward him as he was walking with
Valeris.
ÒWe
need to talk,Ó she said, ignoring Valeris as if she wasnÕt there.
ÒVery
pleasant to see you again, Commander,Ó Valeris said then nodded to Spock. ÒI will leave you, sirs.Ó She added the plural just quickly enough
to not make it an insult.
Christine
didnÕt seem to notice; she motioned for Spock to walk with her, waited until
they were well out of Vulcan hearing range, and then said, ÒJimÕs getting rid of
Melton.Ó
ÒHow
do you know this?Ó Jim would have
told him surely?
ÒYou
know I see lots and I hear more.Ó
She followed him into his office.
ÒThe crewÕs going to stand down soon. JimÕs miserable without you. I think you should go back for the time
thatÕs left.Ó
ÒHe
is miserable? At dinner he
indicated—Ó
ÒItÕs
possible I had a private talk with him here, when he came to visit Ops, the day
after our dinner. ItÕs possible I
think you belong with him.Ó
ÒIt
is also possible you want me well clear of Valeris.Ó
She
smiled. ÒA lovely side
benefit. But may I point out IÕm
also depriving myself of your company?Ó
ÒA
very logical argument. Unless you
have grown weary of me already?Ó
She
grinned. ÒYes, IÕm horribly bored
and going to interview replacements as soon as youÕre gone. ThatÕs why IÕm jealous of a girl half my
age—because I donÕt care.Ó
He
took a deep breath. ÒEven if I were
to rejoin the crew, I will not be on the ship very much. My father wants me to visit the Klingons
again and this time Command has been apprised of my mission.Ó
ÒAnd
they support it?Ó
He
nodded.
ÒGood. IÕm shocked theyÕve kept the news about
Praxis as well held as they have.
But Jan always could keep things to herself. Hikaru, too.Ó She touched his arm. ÒGo back to the Enterprise. For
Jim. Ride out the last of his
mission at his side. I think it
will be good for both of you.
Things will be different once he doesnÕt have the ship. You didnÕt see him the first time he
lost her. I did and it wasnÕt
pretty.Ó
ÒI
saw him the second time. Witnessed
him leaving Starfleet for Antonia.Ó
ÒNever
cared for her. Never cared for
Lori, either.Ó
ÒWould
anyone have met with your approval?Ó
ÒJan?Ó She laughed. ÒSorry, old loyalties die hard. Ny would have been all right, too.Ó
ÒHave
you ever considered him?Ó
ÒMe? IÕm his friend, Spock. Besides, he doesnÕt strike me as a guy
whoÕd want to share his woman.Ó She
seemed to think about that. ÒWell,
maybe if he was really drunk and allowed to join in. But losing his woman a la our Pon Farr scenario?
No.Ó
Spock
walked over to the door, locked it, and then moved back to her. Drawing her into his arms, he said, ÒI
have missed Jim and the ship. I have
felt guilty about leaving him. But
I did not want to go back to the ship when you and I were so new. I thought you might think I was
abandoning you.Ó
ÒHow
far can you go with this bond between us?
Besides, itÕs only for a few months.Ó She pulled him closer and kissed
him. It was one of her better
kisses, and Spock thought that was deliberate on her part. They pulled away and she said, ÒWeÕre
together, but we donÕt have to be joined at the hip.Ó
ÒJoined
other places, I must point out, has proved most satisfactory.Ó As she laughed, he tucked her hair,
which she was wearing longer now and in a bun—ValerisÕs
haircut had not been lost on her—back into place. ÒI will miss you.Ó
ÒAnd
IÕll miss you. But at least that
little bitch—I mean Valeris—wonÕt be anywhere near you.Ó
##
Spock
was not sure how to navigate a Jim who was this angry at him. He had a feeling his friend wished he
had not returned as First Officer, not now that he had volunteered them for the
mission to escort Chancellor Gorkin to Federation
space.
As
they stepped off the lift to the bridge of the ship, Spock was surprised to
hear a familiar voice.
ÒCaptain
on the bridge.Ó
Jim
glanced at Valeris, but kept his face blank. Spock had the feeling that if he had met
his eyes, Jim would have asked, ÒWhat the hell, Spock?Ó in his incredulous
voice. Instead he said, ÒAs you were...Lieutenant?Ó
ÒValeris,
sir. We were told that you needed a
helmsman so I volunteered.Ó
Spock
wondered who ÒweÓ were. He was not
aware that the C-in-C had any dealings with Valeris. But Admiral Cartwright had been at the
meeting where they first discussed this.
Perhaps he had taken a larger role as a sponsor for her—this was
certainly a plum posting.
One
that Christine would be livid over.
Fortunately, they were operating under a moratorium for personal comms, so he did not have to decide whether to tell her now
or later. Later would have to do.
He
turned to Valeris. ÒLieutenant, it
is agreeable to see you again. The
Lieutenant was the first Vulcan to graduate at the top of her class at the
Academy.Ó
Jim
knew this. He also knew from Spock
how typically Vulcan she was. Still
he said, ÒYou must be very proud.Ó
ÒI
don't believe so, sir.Ó Her voice
held disdain—she knew this man was SpockÕs friend. Why would she answer so?
He
watched her carefully. She seemed
at ease on the ship. Perhaps she
was only here because she wished to serve on the Enterprise, not to be with Spock. There was a simple way to find out. When the moment presented itself, he
said loudly enough for Vulcan ears but not human, ÒWill you come to my quarters? I wish to speak with you in private.Ó
Her
face betrayed no emotion; he could read no change—excitement or
dismay. She merely nodded and went
back to her task.
In
his quarters sometime later, Spock set up the candles and water for the
ceremony of succession. He was
curious to see what ValerisÕs reaction to it would
be.
When
she rang for admittance and stepped in, her face registered confusion for a
moment—had she thought he had asked her here to discuss restarting their
romantic relationship? She walked
past him, to the Chagall he had bought with Christine. Spock thought it was the first time
sheÕd realized just how rich his family was. She had made the title a private joke,
that he could hang it in his quarters and remember that leaving her—and
their bed—was expulsion from paradise.
Valeris
had her arms folded, a sign of defense?
He
turned and lit the pyramid candle, the only one unlit, the one that waited for
the bright light that would be the successor. ÒYou've done well, Valeris.Ó He kept his voice even, almost
impersonal. The voice of a sponsor,
not someone who had once considered marriage.
She
had to understand this.
ÒAs
your sponsor at the Academy I've followed your career with satisfaction. And as
a Vulcan, you have exceeded my expectations.Ó
She
seemed to ignore his words. Her
arms stayed crossed and she studied the painting. Her jaw looked unusually tight, as if
she was fighting to maintain some level of control. ÒI do not understand this
representation.Ó
He
was surprised that she did not. She
had excelled so at working with humans it had not occurred to him she would not
know their primary religious references.
Then again she might have an idea he bought it with Christine and was
feigning ignorance. ÒIt's a depiction
from ancient Earth mythology. The Expulsion from Paradise.Ó
ÒWhy
keep it in your quarters?Ó
ÒDo
you ask because you do not like it or because it is human?Ó he wanted to say.
Instead, as he added the ritual
herbs to her water glass, he answered in a way that would set the stage for
what he wanted to accomplish here.
ÒIt is a reminder to me that all things end.Ó
Her
expression changed to irritation—restrained, but he saw it for just a
moment. Then she turned, her face
again a perfect Vulcan mask and walked toward him. ÒIt is of endings that I wish to speak.Ó She met his eyes in the mirror. Her voice was that of his protŽgŽ, not
of his former lover. ÒSir, I
address you as a kindred intellect. Do you not recognize that a turning point
has been reached in the affairs of the Federation?Ó
She
seemed unusually sincere, and in her eyes shone almost a plea for him to
understand her. This was not about
Christine, but he was not sure what she was referring to. She had called him sir. That could be both military protocol or
something deeper, something Vulcan.
Student to teacher.
He
would be the teacher, then. And her
commanding officer. ÒHistory is
replete with turning points, Lieutenant. You must have faith.Ó
ÒFaith?Ó Her voice held mild confusion.
ÒThat
the universe will unfold as it should.Ó
On reflection, this was somewhat cruel to say to her. He watched her reaction to see if she
would read into his words how Christine had taken what she wanted, how the way
the universe had unfolded had hurt her. But she did not seem to react to
his words.
She
seemed unusually impassioned, though.
ÒBut is this logical? Surely
we must—Ó
ÒLogic,
logic, and logic.Ó He knew his voice
was mildly disapproving. ÒLogic is
the beginning of wisdom, Valeris, not the end.Ó
She
looked down, and he thought that he had disappointed her in some way. But again, it did not seem to be about
Christine.
His
next statement seemed unnecessary given her reactions, but he needed to know if
she was on the ship for him or because of her own ambition. ÒThis will be my final voyage on board
this vessel as a member of her crew.Ó
She
looked surprised. Did she not
realize the crew would be standing down?
That a new captain would take over, with a new first officer in
place. She would surely be promoted
during the next cycle. She could
easily assume first officer duties.
He
moved toward her. ÒNature abhors a
vacuum. I intend you to replace
me.Ó He handed her the glass. The glass that signified that the
lessons were over, that the student had learned what the teacher had to give.
That
he would no longer be her sponsor, her mentor. That he would be, at best, her friend.
For
a moment, he saw something stricken in her expression. But then he saw something else, what he
wanted to see: Pride. She might have told Jim she felt none
but as they both knew, lying was a simple matter when those around you thought
you incapable of it. She understood
the ritual perfectly, answered as it demanded with, ÒI could only succeed you,
sir,Ó and drank.
There
was no time for further conversation.
UhuraÕs voice rang out on the intercom, calling all officers to the
bridge.
##
Spock
felt a darkness over come him, a rage he had not felt since his first Pon Farr. He
stared at Valeris as she held her weapon and blinked in the sudden light of
sickbay. She had killed two men,
men she had ordered to assassinate the Klingon Chancellor, men who were part of
her cause. She would have had to
kill at close range, to be that ruthless.
If she could do this to her compatriots, what could she have done to
Christine?
He
knew there was anger in his voice as he advanced on her. ÒYou have to shoot. If you are logical, you have to shoot.Ó
She
looked shaken, and if she were human, heÕd have said broken hearted. ÒI do not want to.Ó
ÒWhat
you want is irrelevant. What you
have chosen is at hand.Ó
Chosen. Had this started
when he had chosen Christine? Or
had Valeris been part of this even earlier? While she was with Spock, while he was
considering making her his wife?
Jim
seemed to realize they were at a standoff.
ÒI'd just as soon you didn't.Ó
Spock
knocked the weapon out of her hand.
Hard. Too hard. Hard enough to break bones if she were
human. He was not sure which part
of him was more furious: the Vulcan or the human.
McCoy
intervened. ÒThe operation is over.Ó
Security
took her to the bridge. She shut
down, wore the smug arrogance only a Vulcan who knows something she will not
share could display. She was not hearing him any longer. She was not hearing anyone.
She
was a traitor. She was a murderer. And he had been going to loose her on
the next captain of the Enterprise?
And
she seemed to be trying to reach the shipÕs current captain, appealing to Jim
with, ÒKlingons cannot be trusted. Sir, you said so yourself. They killed your son. Did you not wish Gorkon
dead? 'Let them die,' you said. Did I misinterpret you? And you were right. They conspired with us to assassinate
their own Chancellor. How
trustworthy can they be?Ó
Jim
wasnÕt swayed, as Spock knew he wouldnÕt be, and Valeris would never understand
that. That the man who allowed
himself to be tried for a crime he had not committed in order that peace might
have a chance to prevail would never see the logic in her cause. But Jim would get to the bottom of this
conspiracy, and Spock did not think Valeris understood how far he would go to
do that. Jim had given his
life—or nearly so—to keep the peace: what would one traitorÕs life matter? Or her mind, more specifically.
Spock
readied himself for what he was sure was to come.
Jim
asked, ÒWho is 'usÕ?Ó
ÒEveryone
who stands to lose from peace.Ó
JimÕs
voice dropped to his most dangerous register. ÒNames, Lieutenant.Ó
Her
smugness was palpable. ÒMy comrades
will make sure all your ship-to-ship transmissions are jammed.Ó
ÒNames,
Lieutenant.Ó
ÒI
do not remember.Ó
Spock
tried one thing that might save her, that might call back the young, brilliant
woman who had so engaged him. The
game they had been playing for days:
ÒA lie?Ó
ÒA
choice.Ó He could hear so much more
than just this in her word. She was
blaming him. She was blaming his
choice long ago to pick Christine, and his more recent choice to reject Valeris. This was personal as well as for the
cause.
JimÕs
voice was without mercy. ÒSpock.Ó
It
was no doubt a testament to the synergy Jim had referred to that Spock knew
immediately what he wanted from him—had known from the time this
started. Jim had seen the path they
would be on as easily as Spock had—why had Valeris not seen it? Did she really think they would not do
this?
He
walked to her, and she stood with her back to him. Defiant to the end. Disbelieving, too, he imagined.
But
when he yanked her around, when she stared up at him with eyes that pled for
understanding—for his love, he thought—and he gave her nothing
back, and when he put his hand on her face and she tried to get away, he knew
she understood. He held her by the back
of her neck as he probed her mind.
Deeper, far deeper than heÕd ever gone.
She
loved him. She was terrified.
And
she had been part of this before he had chosen to make a life with
Christine. Relief filled him, even
though he knew he would not really have been to blame for her reaction to his
choices. But he had used her and he
preferred to think that his transgression had not damaged her enough to join
this band of traitors.
He
found why Jim had seen something between her and Cartwright as she named him as
the first member of the conspiracy.
Her admiration for the man was deep: he was a zealot and she was his
primary disciple. But she did not
love him. As she had once told
Spock, he was the only man who mattered in that way to her.
And
her hatred for Christine was extreme.
He read plans for her that made him feel sick. Valeris was unapologetic as he sensed
her presence as he went deeper, as he drew General ChangÕs name out, and the Romulan ambassador.
She hated his woman. If his
woman died, Spock would be free.
She believed Spock could love her more than he loved Christine. Therefore Christine should die. It was a simple thing.
Spock
heard Jim ask, ÒWhere is the peace conference?Ó He dug, could not find it, and saw
hatred blaze out of ValerisÕs eyes as he went
deeper. Hatred and betrayal. Jim asked again and Spock let go of her
neck, put his other hand on her face.
This kind of meld, it was not done.
Too intense, too forceful.
It was a breach of the highest order.
But
she was a traitor. And she would
see his mate dead.
He
made her cry out before he finally pulled away, shaken both because heÕd had no
choice but to feel what he was doing to her, and by his own rage at her. She had tears in her eyes, was shaking
as she stared at him as if she did not know who he was.
He
let her go and said, ÒShe does not know.Ó
But
as their eyes met, he saw that she did finally know one thing: he would never
choose her instead of Christine.
He
put Christine out of his mind, tried to get past what he had just done to a
girl he...loved, as a protŽgŽ if never as what she wanted, and focused his mind
on the problem at hand.
Preserving
peace.
##
ÒTell
Command to go to hell, huh?Ó Jim
grinned at him as they stood in the observation lounge, watching the starstream.
ÒHow long do you think Starfleet will let us joyride around?Ó He laughed softly. ÒHow long do you think Chris will let
us?Ó
ÒWe
could ask her to join us. Steal the
ship. It is being decommissioned.Ó
ÒWho
are you and what have you done with my first officer?Ó Jim put his hand on SpockÕs
shoulder. ÒA life of piracy,
maybe? We can roam the neutral zone
and let everyone shoot at us.Ó
ÒThere
is more to life than this ship, Jim.Ó
ÒSpoken
like a man deeply in love.Ó He sighed. ÒIÕm sure IÕll find things to do. They just wonÕt ever be as good. Or as fun. Or as meaningful. You sure you donÕt want to comm Chris and ask her if a life on the run sounds like a
plan?Ó
ÒI
am sure.Ó
ÒBig
spoilsport.Ó He leaned his forehead
against the viewscreen. ÒIÕm sorry about Valeris. What I had you do to her.Ó
ÒI
knew you would ask it of me. And I
did not hesitate. It was a clear
case of the needs of the many.Ó
ÒIt
was also anger. I saw it in
you. In sickbay. On the bridge.Ó
ÒI
felt betrayed, it is true. But she
planned to get rid of Christine—or had at least considered the matter in
great detail.Ó
ÒNothing
that might be set in motion now that sheÕs been caught?Ó
ÒI
sensed nothing concrete. I will, of
course, be on my guard on ChristineÕs behalf and will tell her to be as
well.Ó He almost smiled. ÒValerisÕs
role in this will make her happy.Ó
Jim
laughed. ÒHell, yes, it will. She never liked Valeris and now the
whole Federation—and a good portion of the Klingon population—will
hate her, too.Ó
Spock
nodded.
ÒI
wish I had what you have, Spock.Ó
ÒYou
cannot have Christine, Jim.Ó
Another
chuckle, but the laughs were growing more hollow, Spock thought, the closer the
ship got to Earth. ÒI mean home and
hearth and a woman to love me. Not
your woman to love me.Ó
ÒFind
those things, Jim. You are not
old. There is plenty of time to be
happy.Ó
ÒHappy? Old friend, youÕre slipping. IsnÕt that an emotion?Ó
Spock
met his eyes. ÒIndeed. And one I do not wish you to lose when
you are off the ship. You have been
less than happy the other times you gave her up. Find something to make life worthwhile
this time.Ó
ÒBig
softie.Ó Jim squeezed his shoulder
and then turned back to the stars.
ÒLetÕs enjoy the view while we can.Ó
##
Spock
was surprised to see Christine waiting for him at the transporter room when he
beamed down to Command. He raised
an eyebrow and said, ÒI did not call you with my ETA.Ó
ÒWhere
do I work, toots?Ó She looked at
the lieutenant manning the transporter.
ÒAnyone else in line to beam in?Ó
ÒNo,
maÕam.Ó
ÒThen
could you step out for a moment?Ó
When he hesitated, she smiled in a way that was more threatening than
friendly and said, ÒThat wasnÕt actually a request.Ó
He
locked his station and stepped out, leaving them alone.
She
pulled Spock to her, kissed him hard, then pushed him away and grabbed either
side of his face. ÒDamn you. You almost got killed again.Ó Then she began to grin. ÒBut since Valeris turned out to be evil,
IÕm going to give you a pass on the scare you gave me.Ó
ÒYou
have no reason to be jealous of Valeris.Ó
He let his mouth tick up enough to qualify as a real smile. ÒBut I knew you would find her
involvement gratifying.Ó
ÒI
do. But Matt? Shit, Spock. I looked up to him. He made me who I am. Took me into Ops and guided me through
the layers of politics and bureaucracy.
I...Ó She shook her head.
ÒYou
feel betrayed. I understand because
I do as well when it comes to Valeris.Ó
ÒI
know. IÕll try not to rub it in
that your protŽgŽ—and at one time future wife—was a traitor.Ó
ÒWhen
will you try that?Ó
ÒOh,
in about a week.Ó She grinned and
kissed him again. ÒI have to get
back. WeÕve got emergencies in five
sectors. And you have hours of
debriefings and depositions ahead of you.Ó
He
knew about the debriefings, not about the depositions. It was useful, at times, to have a woman
so in the know. ÒI will see you at
home, then? When we are both done?Ó
She
nodded and he could feel the bond pinging between them. He felt relief from her. A residue of the fear she must have
felt. And love. He knew he was sending the same thing
back to her.
He
pulled her to him and kissed her.
ÒBe careful. Valeris did not
like you.Ó
ÒOh
and she had nefarious plans for me?
You think I donÕt know that, Spock?
I can ID a jealous woman when I see one. And I wasnÕt shy about treating her like
crap whenever I could. But I have
friends, too, and IÕm not sure how many people will want to help her now.Ó
ÒDo
not become overconfident.Ó
She
nodded. ÒFine. You be careful, too. She has as much reason to hate you. Love can turn so easily.Ó
ÒWill
ours?Ó
ÒIf
it hasnÕt yet?Ó She laughed. ÒI think youÕre safe. IÕm clearly a sap when it comes to you.Ó
ÒI
do not mind that you are.Ó
ÒYouÕre
supposed to say IÕm anything but a sap.Ó
She pulled away from him, and walked to the door, letting it open to
show the lieutenant standing with his back to them, apparently guarding the
entrance. ÒOkay, sparky, you can
have the room.Ó
Spock
watched the lieutenantÕs face as he turned to face Christine. There was a moment of terror and
then...admiration—he was clearly watching Christine as she walked
out. Spock coughed softly and the
man turned red and then said, ÒYouÕre a lucky man, sir.Ó
ÒVulcans
do not believe in luck, Lieutenant.Ó
As he walked out, he added, ÒBut I will allow that I am...privileged to
have her in my life.Ó
FIN