DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and
Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are
copyright (c) 2012 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.
Driven
by Djinn
The house on Vulcan is on a
ridge, built into a smaller rise to keep it cool. Chapel sits on the porch,
waiting for the tri-ox compound sheÕs injected herself with to take effect.
Spock is inside. Preparing—whatever the hell that
means. She heard the shower running
earlier, when she was inside standing around like a too-early arrival at a cocktail
party, woefully alone and an annoyance to the host.
Why the hell did she agree to
this? She ran away from the Enterprise, got her MD, only to do
this? He could have used some other
woman—sheÕs heard there are Vulcan priestesses accustomed to taking care
of unbonded males during the Pon Farr.
Why did he have to ask her?
He doesnÕt love her and probably never will—told that to her
straight.
Never underestimate SpockÕs
ability to lower expectations and crush hopes—stupid, pathetic hopes.
He finds he wants her,
though. His exact damn words.
And sheÕd agreed. Sure, why not, might be fun.
Idiot.
She said yes because
somewhere, deep in her stupidly hopeful heart, she still thinks she can make
him love her. She
knows her motivations, at least she has that. But sheÕs so smart about other things--why
does one lanky Vulcan who will never, ever love her have to be her AchillesÕ
heel?
Why the hell couldnÕt she
have left the ship after VÕger?
She hears the door open, does
not turn to look at him. Let him
work for it, now that sheÕs here.
Let him woo her—or at least be the one to make the first move.
ÒIt is time, Christine.Ó
SheÕs fantasized about having
sex with Spock. SheÕs had
nightmares about having sex with Spock.
In both, SpockÕs voice was about a hundred times warmer than it is right
now.
She turns her head and
studies him. She remembers the
Vulcan who stalked her in his quarters, spouting nonsense about it being
illogical to protest against their natures.
This Spock looks nothing like
him. This Spock watches her calmly.
ÔDo you burn for me, Spock?Ó
ÒSoon.Ó
She gets up and pushes past
him, saying, ÒIÕm going to take a shower, then, too.Ó
He stops her, holding onto
her only long enough to make her look at him. ÒIt is safer if we do not wait.Ó
ÒSafer for whom?Ó She turns and leaves him, rifles through
cupboards in the bathroom till she finds some towels, and gets in the enormous
shower.
He comes in shortly, stands
silently on the other side of the frosted glass screen. She is unnerved but takes her time,
making sure she is at an angle to give him a view of her, even if she is just a
silhouette. A silhouette touching
herself there and there and—
He steps in and pushes her
against the wall of the shower, his robe soon sopping wet as he kisses
her. He is not as skilled as she
thought he would be: she finds that unexpectedly charming.
ÒYou are overdressed,Ó she
murmurs.
ÒRemedy that.Ó
She pulls his robe off him,
lets it pool at their feet, and then he is pushing her down to lie on it, and
he is on top of her and inside her.
The shower beats down on his back, but he manages to lie so it does not
hit her.
And then he is moving, taking
her quickly the first time, then more slowly before rising and pulling her with
him. She grabs the towels as he
drags her to the bed, and she tries to dry them off. He makes a sound—not a word but
more than a grunt—and pulls the towels away before pushing her down and
taking her again.
ÒDo you burn for me, Spock?Ó
she asks.
ÒStop talking.Ó
ÒDo you burn for me?Ó
ÒYes.Ó
She does stop talking, lets
him do whatever he wants, and begins to lose count of how many times theyÕve
done it.
Then he leans in and kisses
her in a way that is sweeter than before.
His fingers find the meld points and he is inside her mind too,
amplifying their pleasure. Going
deeper and deeper until she cannot tell where she ends and he begins.
It is heaven, and he goes deeper
still into her mind, shushing her as she cries out in pain when it is too much,
too deep, until she finally blacks out.
##
She wakes next to him. He is sprawled on his stomach, one leg
thrown casually over hers. She
gasps: where his leg touches hers, she can feel it both from her perspective
and from his. Can the meld still be
active after this long?
He wakes suddenly, as if
startled by her gasp. Then he
slowly turns his head and stares at her accusingly before moving his gaze down
to where their legs touch.
ÒNo,Ó he says, then he jerks away from her. ÒWhat have you done?Ó
ÒMe? You were the one in my mind. ItÕs not my fault you canÕt control a
meld.Ó She moves away, pulls a
sheet off the floor to cover herself.
ÒA meld?Ó He slaps his thigh. Hard.
She feels it and involuntary
tears comes to her eyes as the stinging burn runs across skin he didnÕt
touch. ÒWhat the hell?Ó
ÒWhy? Why would I do this?Ó He pushes her down, wrapping his hands
around her neck until she canÕt breathe.
She is too surprised at first to fight back, but then doesnÕt have to as
he lets her go, suddenly coughing in the same way she
begins to. ÒWhy would I do this?Ó
The feeling of him as he
nearly throws himself off the bed and stalks away is like a piece of skin being
peeled off slowly, relentlessly.
ÒSpock, stop.Ó
He does not. She feels him for one moment, pain overwhelming
her as he stubs a toe when he careens to a closet, grabs a robe and shoes, and
flees the house.
There is pain from the sun
after so long in this dim room—her eyes water at sights he sees. She is disoriented by the way he is
weaving over the ground and barely makes it to the bathroom before she is
throwing up.
It is with mean satisfaction
that she realizes he will no doubt be experiencing her being sick.
##
He does not come back for
hours. The resonance is nearly gone
when he finally does return. She is
lying as quietly as she can on the couch in the front room, her head aching and
her stomach roiling—and the air too thin to breathe. ÒTri-ox,Ó she manages to get out.
He digs through her bag and
finds it, loads the hypo and holds it to her arm, the medicine hissing in. In moments, she can breathe again, but
the tri-ox does nothing for her head or stomach.
ÒI donÕt understand,Ó she says,
trying to move away from him, but it hurts worse when she does it.
He eases onto the couch next
to her, finds the meld points, and opens the link between them. She can feel that he also has the
headache and nausea.
ÒI should not have left you
so soon after bonding,Ó he whispers as the pain slowly subsides, drowning in
the connection that is reopening between them.
ÒBonding?Ó She tries to turn to look at him, but he
holds her in place, her back to his front.
ÒYou mean...like you were with TÕPring?Ó
ÒSimilar yes. But what was between TÕPring
and I was more of a...placeholder, if you will.Ó
ÒSo this is something else?Ó
ÒYes,Ó he whispers. ÒThis is permanent.Ó
It takes a moment for that to
sink in. ÒPermanent as in forever?Ó
ÒYes.Ó
ÒYou didnÕt even ask me.Ó
ÒClearly, I was not myself.Ó
ÒWell bring back the guy who
wanted me enough to do that.
Because IÕd like to have words with him.Ó Her voice is too loud, and it hurts her
ears.
ÒGently,Ó he whispers.
She tries again to process
what heÕs said. ÒForever? YouÕre sure?Ó
ÒYes.Ó
Forever linked to a man who has told her he does not love her and never will. To a man
who fled at the thought of being saddled with her.
ÒChristine, whatever you are
thinking, please stop. It is...distressing.Ó
ÒYou want distressing?Ó She slams her head back, connecting with
his nose—pain shoots through her as he groans. His pain. Her pain. Their pain.
ÒDo not do that again,
Christine.Ó
ÒI hate you,Ó she says as her
head throbs.
ÒYou are well within your
rights.Ó
They lie quietly, letting the
resonance go from the pain she caused to a gentle tingle.
She only realizes she has
begun to cry when she feels him tighten his hold on her, when he nuzzles her
neck.
ÒI am sorry.Ó He sounds broken.
Exhausted, she falls asleep,
her body mercifully letting her mind and heart off the hook.
##
Spock is making something in
the kitchen. The smell wafts into
the living room as Chapel wakes and struggles to her feet.
ÒAre you all right?Ó he asks,
sounding as if he might actually care.
ÒJust stiff.Ó
ÒYou have slept a long
time.Ó
Then there is only the sound
of food being prepared. ÒIs some of
that for me,Ó she asks, unsure if he would leave her on her own or not.
ÒYes.Ó
ÒDo I have time for a shower
before youÕre done making it?Ó
ÒShower quickly.Ó
She finds he has laid out
fresh towels for her, and his robe no longer lies sopping on the floor. She makes quick work of the shower even
though it feels great—until Spock burns himself on something and she
yelps. She gets out of the shower
and pulls a towel around herself, using another to wrap her hair.
ÒYou okay out here?Ó she asks
as she slips onto one of the stools at the counter.
He nods. ÒI am not usually clumsy. But I was distracted by your enjoyment
of the shower.Ó
ÒWill it always be like
this?Ó
ÒNo. It will fade. But at first, from what IÕve been told,
it lingers as it is now.Ó
ÒIÕm sorry. I know you didnÕt want this.Ó
ÒIf you are sorry, why are
you wearing only a towel to eat? Do
you plan to seduce me?Ó
She canÕt tell if he sounds
interested or repelled. ÒI was
hungry. I was worried the food
would get cold. YouÕve seen every
part of me. What difference does it
make?Ó
ÒLogical.Ó
ÒFor me, you mean?Ó She takes the plate he hands her and digs
in. The food is delicious.
ÒI was not sure how spicy you
like your meals. I made this mild.Ó
ÒI can go to medium.Ó She gives him a small smile. ÒI take it you like it very spicy?Ó
ÒI do.Ó
She thinks back to the plomeek soup she made him. How the spices she added made
her eyes water as she was preparing it.
ÒYou should have picked a different wife if you wanted to enjoy your
meals.Ó She frowns. ÒIs that what I
am? Your wife?Ó
ÒIn the eyes of Vulcan,
yes. Humans would probably require
a ceremony of some sort—something more...Ò
ÒConcrete?Ó Than just a bond in your head that means
you are someoneÕs mate forever. Is divorce even possible?
ÒIt would make it more
formal—easier for them to understand. Do you wish that?Ó
ÒA wedding, you mean?Ó
He nods.
ÒNo.Ó She takes a long sip of the ice-cold
water heÕs poured for her. ÒNo.Ó
He sits next to her, takes a
few bites before asking, ÒDo you wish to acknowledge this when we are back on
the ship?Ó
ÒI donÕt know. Do you?Ó
ÒI am...agnostic.Ó
ÒLast of the great
romantics.Ó She sighs. ÒHow long before we can go back to the
ship.Ó
ÒTwo, three days at the
most. I took the liberty of
informing Jim we would be delayed.Ó
ÒWhat does he think of this?Ó
ÒI did not tell him why.Ó
She meets his eyes. ÒWhy not? Will he be upset?Ó
ÒOnly if he was interested in
you and did not tell me. Contrary
to popular belief, I am not involved with my closest friend.Ó He sounds angry—for a Vulcan, anyway. ÒAnd as my friend, if he thought IÕd
chosen you for romantic reasons, I presume he would be happy for me.Ó
ÒWhy did you do this? We both know it was not for romantic
reasons.Ó
ÒI am unsure. I undoubtedly had a reason—some
sort of logic—at the time.Ó
He sounds like his father,
back when she first met SpockÕs parents, when Sarek explained why heÕd married
Amanda. Logic,
logic, and more logic.
She hates logic.
##
Even after a few days back,
the ship seems unusually noisy and crowded after being alone with Spock on
Vulcan. Chapel makes her way
through the corridors, done with her shift finally. She palms the door open and sighs in
relief as the space envelops her—hot, dry air and the smell of incense.
Wait. These are not her quarters. She startles as the door opens behind
her, as Spock comes in and does not seem surprised to see her.
ÒAre you all right?Ó he asks.
ÒHow did I get in here?Ó
ÒI programmed it to accept
you after we returned.Ó
Really? She had not done that for
him. ÒMaybe the better question is
why I came here.Ó
He moves past her to sit on
the bed. ÒYou needed me—or my
presence, to be more accurate—I presume.Ó
She slides down the wall
until sheÕs sitting on the floor.
ÒGod knows why IÕd need that.Ó
She stares down. ÒIt wasnÕt
even conscious.Ó
ÒThe bond is at a deep
level. Your need, no doubt, is as
well.Ó
She wants to tell him to
shove his damn bond, but they have forged a sort of wary peace and she is loath
to put that at risk.
She sighs and hears him get
up. He walks over to her, leans in,
and eases her up as if she weighs nothing.
ÒYou are tired. Come to bed.Ó
She does not argue with him,
primarily because the sensation of his hands on her arms is soothing, easing
the pangs of the still-new bond. He
peels her uniform off in a way that manages to be both hyper efficient and
somewhat tender. Then he urges her
to the bed, waiting till she is in it to take his own uniform off and follow
her in. He lies on his back and
pulls her against him, rubbing her arm until she finally snakes it across his
waist, and the empty link between them roars back to life as if they are a
circuit, finally closed.
She realizes she is trembling
violently, and he has his eyes closed but is holding her very tightly.
She buries her face in his
chest, feels his lips on her hair, and he whispers, ÒGo to sleep.Ó
She does, waking several times in the night when Spock changes position, his
hands never leaving her, pulling her along with him.
ItÕs annoying to be needed
this way, to have her sleep interrupted, and yet each time it happens, she
feels a tug at her heart.
A stupid, idiotic tug, but
not something she can control.
##
They fall into a strange
pattern. They are not friends, nor
are they lovers, yet when the bond between them begins to ache, they find each
other, sleep naked next to each other, the contact of
skin on skin relieving the emptiness for a little while. She canÕt feel his emotions or physical sensations
the same way as when they first bonded, but proximity still seems critical to
ease the longing that as he has said, lives very deep in their subconscious.
She is lying in his arms, and
he is playing with her hair absently.
She doesnÕt want him to stop so she cuddles in closer.
ÒThis arrangement is
unsatisfactory,Ó he says softly, but his voice jars her, for they do not
usually talk much during their times together.
Then she realizes what he has
said, feels the sting of his words, and realizes she has been holding him much
more tightly than she might otherwise, has let her lips rest on his chest.
She jerks away, looks for her
uniform—how could it disappear in a room this size?
ÒChristine.Ó Spock is pulling her back down to him
and she realizes she canÕt find her uniform because she is crying.
ÒI donÕt like this either,
Spock. IÕd give anything not to
need this.Ó She fights the
tears. ÒIf you want me to transfer
off, just say so.Ó
ÒI do not.Ó He lays his hand over hers, gently
slides their linked hands down his body until she realizes he wants her.
Or sex, anyway.
He tightens his grip
slightly. ÒDo you wish to...?Ó
She does. Her body is suddenly demanding it. But she doesnÕt answer, just stares at
him and finally closes her eyes.
What is the right thing to say?
He lets go of her hand. ÒAnother time, perhaps?Ó He resumes playing with her hair.
She does not hold him as
tightly, keeps her lips off his chest.
ÒI did not mean to hurt you,
Christine.Ó
She imagines that might be
the story of their lives from here on out.
##
She is in the rec lounge with
Uhura and Rand, and they are laughing over a funny transporter story Rand is
telling.
Chapel feels a tug in the resonance, turns to look at the door. Spock is walking in with Kirk and looks
around until he finds her.
ÒYou two do that all the time
now,Ó Uhura says softly. ÒWhatÕs
going on?Ó
Her friends know she went to
Vulcan with Spock—Rand transported them to Starbase
Five to catch their shuttle, and Uhura cleared them for return. But sheÕs never told them why she
went—although sheÕs sure they can guess, since
she used to discuss the Pon Farr ad nauseum—nor has she told them what happened
during it, why she and Spock seem unable to break their orbit around each
other.
ÒYouÕd tell us if you were
with him, right? Rand has a strange
look on her face. ÒLike, say, if you were coming out of his quarters one
morning, maybe three days ago?Ó
Chapel swallows hard.
ÒThe walk of shame? Christine, damn it, why wouldnÕt you
tell us this?Ó Uhura is glaring at
her.
ÒTheyÕre clearly enjoying
sneaking around—more fun, is it?Ó
Rand does not look amused either.
ÒSomething did happen. IÕm not sure what it means. ItÕs not something that makes me
particularly happy at the moment, which is why I didnÕt say anything.Ó That and because Spock
seems to want to keep it a secret and she is not averse to that.
ÒHeÕs not...forcing you? Rand sounds as if she will rip him a new
one if he is.
ÒNo, itÕs not...Ó She
sighs. ÒCan we just not talk about
this?Ó
Uhura reaches over, lays her
hand gently on ChapelÕs. ÒIf being
with him is making you this unhappy, then stop.Ó
Oh, if only it were that
easy.
##
Spock is unusually tactile,
and Chapel finds herself cuddling into him again. She reaches up and runs her fingers over
his cheek, than across his ear.
There is a sharp intake of
breath, and Spock stops stroking her waist, clenches it instead, almost
painfully.
She runs her fingers across
his ear again. He moans.
She tries to do it again, and
he slaps her hand away—not hard enough to hurt, but firmly enough to stop
her.
She can feel his arousal
through the bond, through wherever their skin touches. And from where he is pressing into her
leg, hard and ready.
ÒAre you seducing me,
Christine?Ó
She shrugs.
ÒDo you not wish to have sex
with me because my performance during the Pon Farr was unsatisfactory?Ó There is a glint of desperation and
vulnerability in SpockÕs eyes.
ÒWho says I donÕt want to
have sex?Ó
He looks relieved, but then
he frowns. ÒYou avoided commenting
on my prowess—or lack thereof.
Am I...?Ó
ÒBad in bed?Ó
He nods.
ÒI donÕt know, do I? The Pon Farr wasnÕt normal sex. You were...driven.Ó
ÒI did not hurt you during
it, did I?Ó
ÒNo.Ó She meets his eyes, seeing if heÕll get
the message.
ÒAside from bonding with you
without your consent.Ó
ÒOr even an inkling it was
happening.Ó
ÒYes. Or that.Ó He looks ashamed.
ÒWhy did you do it?Ó She takes a deep breath. ÒWhy?Ó
ÒI remember how I felt during
the Pon Farr. I did not at
first—everything was a blur—but the memories have come back. The sense of connection with you was overwhelming.Ó
ÒThat was just the burning.Ó
ÒI know.Ó He stops her from turning away. ÒAnd yet I relish the times we spend
together. I am...glad when you need
me.Ó
ÒItÕs not real.Ó
ÒPerhaps not. But it is unbreakable.Ó He watches her carefully as he slowly
runs his hand down her side, then down her front, leaning in to nuzzle and
suck.
She moans and he reaches up,
finds the psi points on her face but doesnÕt push in. She realizes he is waiting for
permission.
ÒDo it,Ó she says, and the
meld springs into life the moment he presses in.
She can sense his surprise at
how little effort it took, how ready they are for each other. She wraps her legs around his waist,
holding him in place, and he does not try to fight her, just continues his
assault on her breasts.
Finally, she lets him move up so he can push into her. He goes slowly, and she can tell his
progress, knows he can tell what she is feeling.
ÒIs this all right?Ó he asks
as he begins to move inside her.
She nods, clutching at him,
and he leans down and kisses her, a sweet, loving kiss that unnerves her.
ÒYou are mine,Ó he murmurs in
her ear as he brings her closer and closer and...there.
She is not quiet as she
comes; he does not seem to mind.
As he finishes, as he moans
loudly and kisses her again, she resists asking, ÒBut are you mine?Ó
##
ÒBig shore leave plans,
Christine?Ó McCoy is clearly
fishing.
She suspects he knows. His room is
next to SpockÕs and the walls are not entirely soundproof. He does not seem to want to rib her
about it, though—has not said one sarcastic thing about hopeless crushes.
Possibly because hopeless
crushes donÕt involve being screwed thoroughly and passionately—and
loudly—by the object of oneÕs desire. And Spock is very thorough and since
they started having sex, he seems to want her near him much more often.
Her quarters donÕt see much
use, unless he wants variety. She
granted him access on her door reader weeks ago.
ÒNot sure yet what IÕm
doing.Ó Which is the truth because
Spock has not mentioned shore leave and sheÕs been waiting to see if he would.
ÒThe other day, when I was
having lunch with Jim and Spock, Spock mentioned he was likely to stay on the
ship. No surprise there, I guess.Ó
She feels a little stung at
the idea that he has told his friends his plans but not her. And Len is clearly waiting to see
what her reaction will be, so she shrugs and says, ÒIÕve heard thereÕs good shopping. IÕll probably spend too much and buy
silly things.Ó
ItÕs an old joke between
them.
He smiles, but it is a bit
sad. Does he feel sorry for her?
ÒWhy? What are you going to do, Len?Ó
ÒFishing. Supposed to be great there.Ó
ÒSounds nice.Ó If you like to fish,
which she doesnÕt.
She finds Spock later in the
lab. He seems surprised to see her;
she does not usually seek him out when they are on duty.
She lets him explain his
latest experiment, barely listening, until the other person working in the lab
clears out. Then she interrupts him
and says, ÒI donÕt plan to spend shore leave with you.Ó
He cocks an eyebrow, as if
waiting for her to say something he might actually care about.
ÒNot that it matters to you,
of course.Ó
Again, the
eyebrow.
ÒI hate you sometimes,Ó she
says as she walks away from him.
She hates herself even more.
##
She doesnÕt go to Spock that
evening, or the next, but the night before shore leave, he comes to her
quarters.
ÒWeÕre not having sex.Ó She walks away and lets the door close
in his face.
He palms it open and walks
in. ÒYou are angry.Ó
ÒWow, arenÕt you
intuitive?Ó She debates throwing
something at him, decides he isnÕt worth breaking anything—or having to
clean up the mess later.
ÒHow will you be spending
shore leave?Ó
ÒI thought IÕd troll the bars
until I find a nice guy and screw the living daylights out of him.Ó
The look on SpockÕs face is
one sheÕs never seen before. Stone cold rage.
ÒSo thatÕs it? IÕm stuck with you? You impose this bond on me and I canÕt
go out?Ó
ÒYou are mine.Ó
ÒNo, Spock, IÕm not. You donÕt own me. And what do you think your Vulcan laws
would do to someone who did what you did?
What would your father think?Ó
His face gets even
colder. ÒYou wish to take another
lover?Ó
ÒActually, no, not right
now. But the idea that I
canÕt—or that you think I canÕt just because IÕm ÔyoursÕ—when I had
no choice in this, is abhorrent.Ó
He takes a deep breath, as if
he did not realize she was kidding about taking a lover and is relieved to find
she was. ÒTÕPau
would not forgive me for what I have done to you. She might, in fact, take drastic steps
to free you if you were to insist on that.Ó
ÒDefine drastic.Ó
ÒI could be put to death.Ó
She stares at him.
ÒI am quite serious. To impose a bond on someone—it is
not done. There is no
precedent.Ó He looks down. ÒI imagine my human half would be blamed
for it. I would become a cautionary
tale for breeding with non Vulcans.Ó
She sits down on the
bed. ÒIÕm not going to tell TÕPau. Or your
father.Ó
He sits next to her. ÒIf there is someone you wish to take as
a lover, I will step aside to the extent I am able.Ó
ÒHe doesnÕt exist, this man I
want.Ó
ÒNo?Ó
She shakes her head. ÒHis name is Spock and he loves
me.Ó She meets his eyes. ÒI am his world, and he enjoys my
company. He talks to me. He misses me when IÕm not there. And I feel happy when IÕm with him.Ó
He looks down.
ÒI promise to behave on shore
leave,Ó she finally says into a silence that is less angry than resigned.
ÒWhat will you do?Ó
ÒI donÕt know. Shop, maybe. Sleep.Ó She is tearing up and wipes her
eyes. ÒWhat will you do?Ó
ÒThere is an experiment I am
eager to finish—I will have unlimited access to the lab.Ó
ÒOf course you will.Ó
He touches her shoulder. ÒDo you want me to stay with you
tonight.Ó
ÒNo.Ó It is out, hopeless and harsh, before
she can call it back for a more restrained response.
ÒThen good night,
Christine. Enjoy your leave.Ó He gives her a look she cannot read
before he gets up and leaves her in peace—or the closest thing she can
manage.
She beams down to the planet
alone, doesnÕt end up shopping, does end up sleeping, and is one of the last to
beam back aboard.
He is not waiting for her
when she does. She did not really
think he would be.
##
She is in the mess when Kirk
walks in. He sees her, seems to
consider his next move the same way sheÕs seen him eye the chessboard when he
and Spock are playing, and then he walks over to her table and sits down.
ÒMake yourself at home,
sir.Ó She does not smile, just
keeps on eating, like some kind of sullen teenager.
But this man—this man
gets so much more of her supposed mate than she ever will. It is difficult not to hate him just for
that. But itÕs worse now, because
he is studying her with so much sympathy in his eyes.
If heÕs waiting for her to
say something, heÕll wait forever.
She keeps eating.
ÒSo,Ó he finally says, and
she feels a small bit of triumph that she made him go first, Òhow are you?Ó
ÒJust dandy.Ó
She sees his mouth tighten in
frustration, the same way it does when McCoy wonÕt be conned out of giving him
a physical.
ÒI mean you and Spock.Ó
ÒAsk him.Ó
ÒWell, thatÕs the interesting
thing. IÕve tried. He gets uncharacteristically...tense
when I ask about the two of you.Ó
She shrugs. Spock will kill her if she says anything
if heÕs not spilled the beans first.
ÒIf I thought you were
interfering with the efficiency of a member of my command crew, I could have
you transferred off.Ó
She meets his eyes, sees that
his are steel, knows hers are too.
ÒGo ahead. And see what
Spock does then.Ó
ÒWhy? What would he do?Ó
ÔHow the hell should I
know? But it wonÕt be what you
expect, thatÕs for damn sure.Ó She
stands and pushes her chair out so quickly it almost falls. ÒI have to report for duty, sir. This has been a swell talk.Ó
ÒSit down, Doctor.Ó His voice is one sheÕs never heard used
on her: an order, and an angry one.
She sits down.
ÒI can tell youÕre unhappy,
Chris. I can also tell Spock is not
himself. I donÕt really care about
the details. But if I need to
remove one of you, it will be you.
I just want you to understand that was no empty threat.Ó
ÒWell, remove me, then. It might be a blessing.Ó She wants to escape, but he has ordered
her to stay and she will comply.
She is a Starfleet officer
after all, even if sheÕs also stuck in this game of ÒWant you/No, I donÕtÓ with
Spock.
ÒIs there someone you can
talk to? Bones, maybe?Ó
ÒI donÕt need to talk to
anyone.Ó
He sighs, rubs his eyes and
says softly, ÒItÕs been a long day.
IÕm not in the mood for this.Ó
She can see he is not
lying. She can also see that this
is a form of manipulation, one he knows sheÕs likely to fall for. SheÕs a caretaker to the end, and he
needs taking care of.
ÒYou should get some sleep,
sir.Ó She makes her voice sound as
much like SpockÕs as she can.
ÒYouÕll be in a better mood after some shut eye.Ó That sounded like Len.
He stares at her, then shakes his head as if he knows exactly what sheÕs
doing. He stands, but then plants
both hands on the table and leans over.
ÒThe hell of this, Chris, is that IÕm trying to help you.Ó
ÒThen quit monopolizing my husband.Ó It is out before she can bite it back.
His mouth falls open and he
sits back down. ÒOhhhhhhhhhh.
Jesus. Why didnÕt you just
say so?Ó
If there were a way to make
wishes come true, hers would be rewind, rewind, rewind.
ÒChris, itÕs out now. Just talk to me. I know you went with him to Vulcan for
the Pon Farr. IÕm not stupid.Ó
ÒI know. Something happened. He...he bonded with me. It was sort of accidental.Ó She takes a deep breath. ÒPlease, please, do not tell him I told
you.Ó
ÒAre you afraid of him?Ó
ÒNo.Ó She leans in. ÒWeÕve...weÕve sort of made peace with
this. But if you talk to him about
it, heÕll be so angry with me. And
then it will all be bad again. And
IÕm too tired for it all to be bad again.Ó
She picks her tray up. ÒPermission
to get the hell out of here, sir?Ó
ÒGranted.Ó He touches her arm as she passes, stops
her. ÒI canÕt promise I wonÕt say
anything. I donÕt like this.Ó
ÒThat weÕre together?Ó
ÒThat youÕre not.Ó
ÒItÕs none of your
business. Is it?Ó
He seems to have to think
about that. DoesnÕt appear to
have an answer.
She has stumped the great Jim
Kirk. Bully for her.
##
She is curled against Spock
and he seems very at peace.
Something in her rebels at that idea—not when she is still
agitated from her talk with Kirk—so she says, ÒThe captain wanted to know
what was going on with us.Ó
She feels Spock
tense—imagines his post-sex Zen is floating away rapidly.
ÒWhat did you tell him?Ó
ÒI told him to ask you.Ó She sighs. ÒActually, he made me mad and I may have
called you my husband.Ó
Spock has gone very
quiet. Then he seems to relax. ÒNo more lying. I am relieved.Ó
It is not the reaction she
expects. She pushes herself up so
she can really study him. ÒAre you
serious?Ó
ÒI do not plan to put out a
ship-wide bulletin to inform the rest of the crew, but yes, I am relieved he
knows. I have grown weary of trying
to keep this from him.Ó
ÒCan I tell my friends?Ó
ÒI was not under the
impression you wished to.Ó
ÒWell, that may have changed. Janice has seen me coming out of
here. She asked me about it when Ny was there.
They know. I havenÕt talked
to Len about it, but I imagine he knows.Ó
ÒYou can tell whomever you
wish.Ó He strokes her hair and
sighs. ÒI thought I would want to
spend less time with you as the bond became more fixed.Ó
ÒYou have been pretty amorous
lately.Ó
ÒI know. I want you.Ó
ÒWell, thatÕs something,
isnÕt it?Ó
He pulls her back down so she
is nestled against him. ÒI do not
remember you being quite so cynical when you were a nurse.Ó
ÒI wasnÕt quite so cynical
when I was a doctor, Spock. At least before the Pon Farr. You could try a saint—and IÕm not
one.Ó
He lets out a small puff of
air, and she realizes it is his version of a laugh. ÒMy mother used to tell my father that
exact thing.Ó
She smiled, imagining just
how Amanda would say it. ÒWe should
tell your parents, shouldnÕt we?Ó
ÒWe should. We also should get our stories straight
on how this happened.Ó
She laughs. ÒYes, of course that would be the first
thing you think of. CanÕt imagine
why you donÕt want me charging in saying, ÔOh my gosh, I dreamed for years of
being in this family and here I am, your sonÕs unloved and unwished for wife.Õ That would go over well.Ó
He is quiet but he leans over
suddenly and kisses her on the forehead.
She is always unnerved when heÕs sweet to her. ÒI will think of something better than
that.Ó
ÒGive them the fairy
tale. The Pon Farr came. You asked me to be your partner because
you were drawn to me. One thing led
to another. Here I am, instant
daughter-in-law.Ó
ÒThat is not a fairy tale,
that is the truth.Ó
ÒGreat, I canÕt even dream
big for fairy tales anymore.Ó When
did she give up on the love part?
ÒIt is not a bad story, is
it?Ó
She pulls him down to her, to
see if he will allow her to kiss him.
He does. ÒItÕs not the worst
story it could be.Ó
He sighs and closes his
eyes. ÒI do care for you in some
ways. This is not just for sex.Ó
ÒSpock, come on, of course
this is just sex. You donÕt come
here for my sparkling intellect or sense of humor: this is the longest
conversation weÕve ever had that didnÕt involve one of us being angry.Ó
ÒThat is true. So you see? We are making progress.Ó His lips tick up and she laughs at the
way his eyes crinkle ever so slightly.
ÒGo to sleep, Spock. I have an early call in the
morning. IÕm working a double shift
for Doctor Lanning.Ó
ÒWill that mean you will be
working with Doctor Campbell?Ó
ÒI guess. Why?Ó
ÒI do not like the way he
looks at you.Ó
She laughs. ÒYouÕre kidding
me? YouÕre jealous?Ó She closes her eyes. ÒOr just possessive. Very different thing.Ó
He starts to say something
and she shushes him. ÒGo to sleep,
Spock.Ó
ÒThank you for telling me
about Jim.Ó
ÒDonÕt thank me. I just didnÕt want you hearing it from
him first.Ó
ÒSelf serving but still, I am
grateful.Ó He pulls her
closer. ÒGood night, Christine.Ó
##
Chapel moves around sickbay,
realizes that Campbell is on duty, realizes that heÕs been on duty several days
in a row, and wanders over his way.
ÒTrading shifts?Ó
He smiles at her. In a very, very
friendly way. ÒPermanent
change. I find the company more
interesting on Alpha shift.Ó
She almost laughs at that:
Spock was right? Although Campbell
might mean one of the nurses is more interesting, or maybe he plays the other
side and is longing for some alone time with Len.
ÒSo, Christine, I was
wondering if you were free for dinner?Ó
So much for
that Òanyone but herÓ theory.
He is waiting for an answer,
a smile growing and then fading as she says
nothing. ÒThis isnÕt rocket
science.Ó
ÒI know. ItÕs just...complicated.Ó Does she want to go to dinner with
Campbell? She knows it will
make Spock mad, but sheÕs not entirely sure she cares. On the other hand, sheÕs not really
drawn to Campbell. But if she tells
him sheÕs sort of seeing someone, then heÕll wonder who and...Ó
Jesus, this should not be
this hard.
She finally settles on: ÒNot
tonight. Let me get back to you,
okay?Ó
ÒYour enthusiasm is
overwhelming.Ó He gives her a look
that is still interested but now also wary, and goes back to work.
The silence between them
during the rest of the shift is beyond awkward.
Once the shift is over, she
hurries out and lets herself into SpockÕs room and sits at his desk with her
arms crossed.
He comes in about twenty
minutes later, studies her, and says, ÒSomething is wrong?Ó
ÒHow did you know Campbell
was interested in me?Ó
ÒHe watches you. Constantly.Ó
ÒOkay, but how did you know that? We donÕt spend time together outside of this
room or my quarters.Ó
ÒI noticed him watching you
one day in the rec lounge. I did
not like it. I continued to observe
him. He had all the signs of sexual
interest.Ó
ÒHe asked me to dinner.Ó
ÒAre you going?Ó There is something in SpockÕs voice she
is not used to: uncertainty.
ÒI told him no for tonight. That IÕd get back to him about
later. Why couldnÕt I just answer
him?Ó
ÒYou can just answer
him. Tell him what you wish.Ó He leans against the wall, facing her
and watching her expression as if it holds answers he does not want to see.
ÒI could do that? Date him?Ó
ÒDo you wish to?Ó
ÒNo. But could I do that?Ó
ÒIf you do not wish to, the
question is illogical.Ó
ÒNo, the question is
hypothetical. If some other person,
who I was interested in, asked me, could I go?Ó
ÒYou are interested in
someone else?Ó At her look, he
nods, as if finally getting that this is, indeed, hypothetical. ÒYou are free to do as you wish.Ó
ÒWould you know?Ó
ÒI believe I would. I am not one hundred percent certain.Ó
ÒAnd if I slept with the
person?Ó
ÒAgain, I have no prior
experience with this, but I believe, were you to become aroused, were someone
else to touch you that way, I would know.Ó
She gets up and walks over to
him. ÒI need you to tell me if weÕre
together or not.Ó When he starts to
talk, with that annoying Òwhy do I need to explain this again look,Ó she stops
him with her fingers on his lips.
ÒI donÕt want to hear about the bond, or Vulcan traditions. What do you want? Are we together or arenÕt we?Ó
She lifts her fingers, adds,
ÒPlease think carefully before you answer.Ó
He stares at her, and she can
tell he is taking some time to think about this. Finally, he says, ÒI would
be...distressed if you were to see someone else romantically or sexually.Ó
She walks into the bedroom
and he follows her, sitting beside her on the bed, playing with her hair in the
way he knows she likes.
ÒIs that the wrong answer,
Christine? Would you not be upset
if I found a new partner?Ó
ÒI would.Ó She leans against him, feels his arm go
around her. ÒBut thatÕs because I
love you. And I have no idea why
you would care what I do.Ó
ÒDoes it have to be
categorized?Ó
ÒYouÕre a scientist. You know we live and die by labels, by
organizing and categorizing.Ó
ÒYou and I are not a science experiment.Ó
ÒArenÕt we?Ó She turns to look at him.
He kisses her softly, pushing
her down on the bed. ÒDoes Campbell
excite you?Ó
ÒNo.Ó
ÒDoes he make you happy when
you are with him?Ó
ÒNo.Ó
ÒThen tell him no. Tell him you are with me.Ó
She is very still, not sure
she heard him right. ÒI can tell
him IÕm with you?Ó
ÒYes. That should end the thing.Ó
ÒHe changed shifts for me.Ó
ÒI will talk to McCoy, if you
desire. Campbell will find himself
back on Gamma shift very quickly if I do.Ó
ÒYou would brave Len for
this? Tell him IÕm yours and you
donÕt like CampbellÕs interest in me?Ó
ÒI would. But I doubt you will want me to do that,
nor do I think Campbell will want to work the same shift as you if he finds out
you are taken.Ó
ÒTaken?Ó She sighs. ÒOwned.Ó
ÒI do not own you,
Christine. You are free to do
whatever you want. The only time
you will find this obligation onerous is when the Pon Farr comes.Ó He kisses her again, so sweetly it makes
her warm inside, and she wraps her arms around him.
ÒYou donÕt think sex with you
is onerous?Ó She is smiling when
she asks.
He is almost smiling when he
answers. ÒNo, I do not.Ó
He sets about proving he is
right for a good part of the night.
##
Chapel is working on a
post-procedure report when Len comes into her office. He sits, watching her work for a moment,
before he puts his hands behind his head and says, ÒYou know, Jim and Spock are
going to have to debrief the brass on something or other next week. Since weÕll be home, IÕm going to
have a barbeque—big Georgia party—and youÕre invited.Ó
She is trying to come up with
an excuse for why she canÕt go when he drops his arms, leans forward, and says,
ÒDonÕt bother thinking up a little white lie, Christine. Spock already told me you and he were
going to the Vulcan Embassy for dinner.Ó
She is afraid to meet his
eyes. ÒHe did?Ó
ÒHe did. Am I to take it this is a Ômeet the
parentsÕ kind of dinner?Ó
ÒIÕve met his parents.Ó
ÒOf course you have.Ó
She keeps working.
ÒChristine, look at me.Ó
She finally does, meeting his
eyes with what she hopes is steely resolve.
ÒWhat I donÕt understand is
why I had to hear it from Spock instead of from you. When did you stop telling me things?Ó
ÒThereÕs nothing to
tell. ItÕs
just dinner.Ó
ÒItÕs not just dinner, damn
it all. This is Spock weÕre talking
about. Taking you home. Or to a function, hell, I donÕt know why
heÕs taking you there, but heÕs definitely taking you there. His plus one. His...Ó
ÒThe word youÕre looking for
is wife.Ó
His jaw actually drops.
ÒDonÕt ask anything else. All right?Ó
ÒShould I have known
this? I mean I hear you often
enough through that damn wall, but should I have gone from sex to wife in my
logic trail?Ó
ÒNo. You were fine stopping at sex.Ó
ÒWho else knows?Ó
ÒThe captain.Ó
ÒYou havenÕt told Nyota? Or
Janice?Ó
She shrugs. The time never seems right. Besides, the circumstances donÕt exactly
make for bragging material.
ÒYou donÕt seem particularly
happy.Ó
She meets his eyes again,
channeling Spock with every word.
ÒDo I seem unhappy?Ó
He actually leans back, as if
to get away from her. ÒI hope heÕs
proud of you. YouÕve changed.Ó
She shrugs again.
He gets up and walks to the
door, then turns. ÒYou can tell me
anything, you know? I may have been
a son of a bitch about you and Spock in the past, but I was afraid youÕd get
hurt.Ó
ÒI know. Thanks.Ó
He looks at her helplessly
for a moment, then walks out.
She waits a few minutes then
sends Spock a private message.
ÒUnless there is something dire going on, get to my office now.Ó
He is there within
minutes. Looking both concerned and
puzzled.
ÒSit.Ó
He sits.
She engages the privacy lock
and then glares at him. ÒI just had
a conversation with Len. About his barbeque.
Apparently you told him weÕd be going to the Vulcan Embassy instead?Ó
He looks as confused as a
Vulcan can. ÒWas that not the
plan?Ó
ÒYes, but did you think to
tell me that he knew the plan?Ó
ÒI only just told him at
lunch. Today.Ó
ÒThereÕs this thing called a
private message. Like the one I
just sent you. I was blindsided,
Spock. I didnÕt know what to say to
him.Ó
ÒI regret that.Ó He sounds completely off balance. ÒDo you want to go to his barbeque
rather than dinner?Ó
ÒThatÕs not the goddamn
point.Ó Her voice is too loud so
she takes a deep breath. ÒI told
him I was your wife.Ó
His eyebrows form an inverted
ÒVÓ as he apparently tries to ascertain how declining an invitation led to a
declaration of marital status.
ÒIÕm sick of lying. IÕm sick
of not knowing what to say to people.Ó
ÒI agree.Ó
She is expecting anything but
that.
ÒThere is no longer a reason
to keep this so closely held. We
have agreed to be exclusive, have we not?Ó
ÒYes.Ó
ÒAnd you are accompanying me
to my parentsÕ house?Ó
ÒYes.Ó
ÒThen it is settled. Tell whomever you wish.Ó
ÒAnd when they ask me if IÕm
happy, what do I say? When they ask
me why I kept it quiet to begin with, what the hell do I tell them?Ó
He exhales loudly. ÒTell them what you think best.Ó
ÒOf course.Ó
He studies her. ÒAre you truly unhappy?Ó
ÒI didnÕt say that. I said I wasnÕt happy. ThereÕs a difference.Ó
ÒWhat would make you happy?Ó
ÒKnowing you loved me.Ó She sighs. ÒAnd I know you donÕt. So donÕt try to think of a nice Vulcan
platitude to cover up your answer.Ó
ÒI would not take you home if
I did not care about you.Ó
ÒI know.Ó She sighs. ÒI have a lot of work to do.Ó
ÒAs do I.Ó He stands, seems unsure what to do.
She meets his eyes. ÒLen thinks IÕve changed.Ó
ÒYou have changed.Ó He walks around to her side of the desk,
tips her chin up, and almost frowns.
ÒYou were happier before.Ó
She jerks away from him and
turns in her chair, hears him walking to the door. ÒAre you happy, Spock?Ó she asks just
before the door opens.
He does not answer. The door closes, and she immediately
tells it to return to the open setting.
SheÕs not crying; sheÕs not going to cry.
This is what it is. And it will be this way forever.
##
Spock is surprisingly
solicitous as they enter the Vulcan embassy. He stands closer to her than she
expects, does not touch her but makes it clear somehow by the way he interacts
with her that they are together.
She sees that not all the
Vulcans at the embassy approve. She
is amazed that he does not seem to care—this same man who almost purged
his emotions in order to become purely Vulcan.
ÒChristine, dear.Ó AmandaÕs voice rings out, and Chapel
feels a surge of pure relief at the idea of another human in the mix.
Amanda takes her arm, smiles
at Spock, and says, ÒCome on, you two.
I have someone I want you to meet.Ó
She is introduced to several
Vulcan scientists as SpockÕs wife, and if Amanda werenÕt so clearly pleased at
the idea, Chapel would have words with Spock about pre-briefing her on what
heÕs told his parents and what he hasnÕt.
She manages to get in a glare and can see from the look he shoots back
that he has already realized his mistake.
When Amanda finally lets her
go, Spock eases her to a quiet corner.
ÒI apologize. You do not have
to say anything. I assumed you
would understand that I would not bring you here without my parents knowing the
full circumstances. I clearly
assumed wrong. I will be
more...forthcoming in the future, I promise.Ó
She is impressed how much he packed into a few sentences. ÒI forgive you. Since your mother is clearly pleased
that weÕre together. If SarekÕs not, though, youÕre going to be in trouble.Ó
Sarek however seems fine with how things are. He draws Christine off once he comes in
and manages to find out a great deal about her without ever appearing to be
grilling her. No wonder heÕs such a
successful diplomat.
ÒMy son has chosen well,Ó he
says as Amanda calls them in, and ChapelÕs expression must have done something
strange for he says, ÒDo you not agree, Christine?Ó
ÒIÕm happy to be part of this
family.Ó Is that okay to say?
Sarek cocks his head, then holds a hand up to his wife when she urges him to let
Christine come to the table. ÒAre
you not happy with my son? I
know he can be trying.Ó
She laughs. She canÕt help it. ÒIÕm happy.Ó ItÕs not a lie exactly. ItÕs not the truth, either. ÒHeÕs good to me.Ó That, at least, is true. For a man who does not love her, Spock
is extremely good to her.
Amanda walks over and takes
ChapelÕs arm. ÒSarek, for goodness
sakes, let our daughter sit down.Ó
Daughter. The Vulcans have
no word for daughter-in-law, Spock has told her. She is their child now, too. ÒIÕm so pleased to see you here,
Christine. You have no idea.Ó Amanda settles her in a chair between
Spock and Sarek, and whispers, ÒMake sure they behave. They do so love to argue, even if both
will deny it.Ó
They do not argue even if
several times it seems like they might be close. One time, she actually puts her hand on
SpockÕs knee under the table, squeezes slightly just as he is about to
engage. He takes a deep breath,
then lays his hand over hers and squeezes.
For a moment, they are holding hands and then he lets go and she eases
her hand away.
She sees Amanda wink from her
end of the table. Nothing escapes
that woman: something Chapel will be wise to remember, no doubt.
They leave with promises to
come again soon or visit on Vulcan—and Chapel finds herself looking
forward to that. They have made her
feel welcome—something she expected—and loved—something she
did not.
ÒThank you for this,
Christine. I...enjoyed having you
with me.Ó Spock steers her down the
hill and away from the transporter station they used to beam in. They walk for a few blocks, and she
realizes he is heading for the waterfront.
ÒGot a hankering for
something?Ó
He almost smiles at her. ÒYour company?Ó
She laughs. ÒHave you been taking debonair lessons
from the captain?Ó
His lips tick up, but then he
becomes serious. ÒYou should call
him Jim. You are my woman and I
call him Jim.Ó
ÒIÕll call him Jim when he
tells me to call him Jim.Ó
He seems about to argue so
she says firmly. ÒI said—Ò
ÒI understand.Ó
They walk more and he finally
asks, ÒWhat did my father talk to you about?Ó
ÒJust wanted to get a feel
for who I am, I suppose.Ó
ÒHe seemed quite taken with
you. Approval from him has never
been easy for me.Ó
ÒI know. I remember. But he was on his best behavior tonight,
I think.Ó
ÒAs you ensured I was.Ó He shoots her a glance full of amusement.
ÒI was under orders.Ó
ÒYes, I know. Mother is fully aware
both my father and I can hear her when she whispers.Ó
Chapel laughs. ÒI love her.Ó
He seems gratified to hear
it. ÒShe is very happy I have
chosen you.Ó
The truth seems to bear down
on his statement, and they grow quiet.
Chapel can feel her good mood evaporating and is surprised when Spock
suddenly stops her with a firm hold on her arm.
ÒI did choose you.Ó
ÒYou donÕt know why, though.Ó
ÒHow is that relevant? Perhaps some part of me knew best? Despite what you think, what you seem to
want to believe, our pairing is highly successful.Ó
ÒHighly successful? Is that what you call good sex with no
love?Ó
ÒAre you so certain I donÕt
love you? Or that I wonÕt ever love you? I know I feel more strongly for you than
I did when I bonded with you. I
know I understand you better than I did then. I know I feel...connected to you in ways
that surpass the bond.Ó
She is not sure what to say.
ÒAnd if that is so, why do I
feel that you love me less with each passing day? Not more?Ó
ÒThatÕs not true.Ó
ÒThen why will you not try to
enjoy this? I...I am not hiding
anything. I know I frequently annoy
you with my communication choices, but I am willing to learn your preferences.Ó
She takes a deep breath.
ÒIf you do not love me,
Christine, then I will let you go.
But I do not want to.Ó
She takes his arm, and he
doesnÕt object. ÒIÕll always love
you, Spock. ItÕs my curse.Ó
He looks stung by her choice
of words.
ÒIÕm sorry. That was mean. And you were being so nice.Ó She lets go of his arm and turns to go
up the hill. ÒIÕll see you back on
the ship.Ó
She gets about four steps
away when he says, ÒChristine, do not go back. Stay with me.Ó
She turns. ÒAnd do what?Ó
ÒWalk. Talk. Is that not what couples do?Ó He strides up to her. ÒIt makes me sad to contemplate you
leaving me right now. Does that not
mean something to you?Ó
She closes her eyes.
ÒChristine. Please?Ó He holds out his arm and she takes it,
letting him guide them back down the hill.
They do not talk, but they do
walk, and he never lets go of her arm until she pulls away when they enter a
more crowded area. He gives her a
questioning look and she smiles and says, ÒI donÕt expect miracles.Ó
ÒI would, tonight, allow it
if you wished to maintain contact.Ó
ÒAnd thatÕs good enough for
me. Some decorum must be
maintained, right?Ó
He nods, but she notices he
bumps against her frequently, as if he is having trouble walking
straight—or as if he misses the contact and is getting it in other ways.
Which is silly to think, but
it makes her happy anyway.
##
Chapel walks into the small
conference room Kirk has called her to and is startled when a cry of ÒSurpriseÓ
sounds. She looks around and sees
her friends smiling, as Uhura puts a silly hat on her and says, ÒHappy
birthday.Ó
She sees Spock standing
behind Len and the captain, looking insufferably smug. And Uhura winks at him as if to confirm
heÕs had something to do with this party, which is clearly impossible. Vulcans donÕt celebrate birthdays.
She has told Uhura and Rand
some version of the truth about her and Spock. She has not moved into his quarters, but
that is only so she has somewhere to retreat to when she needs some time alone—or
when they are arguing, which happens less and less frequently. She knows her friends were annoyed with
her, but she told them in such a matter-of-fact way—in such a Vulcan
way—that they seemed at a loss how to express their annoyance.
And now theyÕve had time to
get used to it. Time to see her
with Spock, not that heÕs given to displays of affection or anything else, but
time enough to understand why Chapel always seems to know when Spock walks into
a room, and vice versa.
And now
this party. There is cake, and a pile of presents,
and she is made to sit at the conference table and unwrap them while everyone
watches. She hates being the center
of attention and is surprised when Spock suggests someone else cut the cake,
citing the unlikelihood of everyone getting a piece if she is forced to
multitask and figure correct angles while also unwrapping presents.
She smiles at him. He gives her his version of a smile
back.
There are practical gifts and
there are pretty things, but she has not opened SpockÕs gift yet and is sure it
will be wildly unromantic and highly logical.
She finally opens it, finds a
padd in the box. She turns it on and
sees that Spock has booked them a room for their next leave. On Risa. The most romantic
planet in the galaxy. Or the most sexy, anyway.
ÒWhat is it?Ó Rand asks,
trying to see.
Chapel closes down the
screen. ÒA tip on a science experiment.Ó She looks at Spock. ÒReally?Ó
ÒYes. It seemed...a new way to approach the
experiment.Ó
ÒAnd damned unromantic,Ó Len
mutters as he passes her the first piece of cake. ÒFor GodÕs sake, Spock, when in doubt, buy expensive jewelry.Ó
ÒI shall endeavor to remember
that, Doctor,Ó Spock says as he passes his cake on to someone else.
It is carrot cake. Her favorite. And Len has given her a big piece. She smiles, a
little stunned that Spock would do this.
As Spock comes over to sit next to her, she leans in and whispers, ÒDid
your mother put you up to this?Ó
ÒNo.Ó
ÒLen?Ó
ÒNo. Nor Jim. Nor any of our other friends.Ó
ÒYou thought of this yourself? You want this?Ó
ÒIf there is a destination
more to your liking, I can change our reservations. I realize I should have consulted you on
something as important as our leave plans, but since this was for your birthday,
I took a chance that pre-briefing you was unnecessary.Ó
ÒYou were right.Ó She realizes sheÕs getting sentimental,
swallows hard and blinks a few times.
ÒIÕm just...surprised.Ó
ÒIs that not the purpose of
this party?Ó
ÒYes, that is exactly the
purpose. And itÕs a good surprise, not
a bad one.Ó
ÒThen all is in order.Ó He touches her knee under the
table. ÒHappy birthday, Christine.Ó
##
Risa is warm with tropical foliage and a gentle
breeze. Chapel follows Spock into
the hut he has rented; it is near the beach and when she walks onto the deck,
she sees it has a small pool. A
well secluded small pool.
She looks back at Spock with
a grin. ÒReally?Ó
He manages to look
sheepish. ÒMy mother suggested I
upgrade.Ó
ÒI thought your mother didnÕt
suggest this trip?Ó
ÒShe did not. But she commed me to ask if we wanted to come to Vulcan for leave. I told her we were coming here. There was some...squealing, is perhaps
the best word.Ó
Chapel laughs.
ÒAnd then she suggested the
upgrade to a structure of our own with a pool that is private. As she is a human woman, I did as she
suggested. I hope you do not mind.Ó
ÒMind?Ó She kneels down, runs her fingers
through the water. Perfect
temperature. ÒAre you crazy? IÕm going to buy her something really,
really nice while weÕre here as a great big thank you.Ó
He looks extremely satisfied.
They go in and unpack, and she
changes into a sundress, and then he suggests lunch. SheÕs starving so she agrees happily and
gets into the little transport they were given at the reception to get around
the resort. Spock lets her off and
goes to park and she finds a gift shop, wanders around to see if there is
anything that would be a nice thank you for Amanda. She sees a sort of Tiki
statue and picks it up to examine it.
A man smiles at her from
across the aisle. ÒYou seek jamaharon?Ó
ÒWho now?Ó
ÒYou hold a horgaÕhn.Ó
She holds up the statue. ÒThis?Ó
He nods. She sees Spock come in. He is watching the two of them with a
curious look on his face.
ÒYou are very appealing. My name is Yanonne. I offer my services for jamaharon,Ó the man says to her.
Spock walks over, taking the
statue and putting it back on the shelf.
ÒHe means sex.Ó
ÒYeah, I was getting
that.Ó She looks at the man. ÒIÕm with him.Ó
ÒA pity.Ó The man goes back to whatever he was
doing on the other side of the aisle.
Spock looks at the
statue. ÒWere you thinking of
gifting my mother with one of those?Ó
ÒNot anymore.Ó
His lips tick up and she
smiles. ÒCome, wife, I am
hungry.Ó His words are imperious;
his expression is not.
She follows him into the
restaurant, is happy to see the hostess is leading them to a table outside with
a lovely view. All the tables are
just private enough for intimate conversation, and Spock leans in and says,
ÒThat man wanted you.Ó
ÒSo it would seem.Ó
ÒThis pleases me.Ó
ÒOf course it does. YouÕre a male. You love it when other males lust after
your toys.Ó
ÒYou are more than a toy.Ó
She smiles.
ÒI am serious. I have been...anticipating being alone
with you here. Anticipating it
greatly.Ó
ÒYou have?Ó
He nods. ÒI have not told you this, but I admire
how you have handled the bond—all that has happened. It would be easy for love to turn to
hate, for what has happened between us turn you bitter, but you have not let it.Ó
ÒIÕm not always nice.Ó
ÒNo, but you are always
reasonable. That cannot be
overvalued, in my estimation.Ó
ÒWhy are you saying such
sweet things to me?Ó
ÒBecause they are true.Ó
She studies him. ÒSpock, IÕm yours. You donÕt have to woo
me.Ó
ÒI think that is precisely
why wooing is in order. You have
very low expectations of me, and of our relationship, do you not?Ó
She looks down.
ÒIt is all right if you
do. I know the circumstance of our
joining was less than optimal. But
I find myself...enjoying our relationship.Ó
ÒYou do?Ó
ÒI do.Ó He suddenly looks down. ÒI take it you cannot say the same.Ó
ÒI didnÕt mean it that
way.Ó She looks away, out over the
sweeping vista that leads down to the water. ÒI love you. I wanted you. And then I got you. And...Ó
ÒAnd...?Ó
ÒAnd I guess I grew up.Ó She touches his hand. ÒIÕm not unhappy.Ó
ÒThat is no longer
sufficient, Christine.Ó
ÒItÕs sweet that you think
so. ItÕs sweet that you brought me
here. I really do appreciate
it.Ó She pulls her hand away. ÒBut donÕt woo me if itÕs not natural.Ó
ÒAgreed.Ó
Their waiter comes and soon
begins to bring them plate after plate of small offerings, each better than the
last. Wooing is forgotten in the
face of such a feast.
##
Chapel is sunning herself by
the pool, letting the enormous lunch settle. Spock has gone off for a walk—he
asked her to go with him but she just couldnÕt bear to leave the large, very
comfortable chaise.
She drowses in the sun,
unsure how much time has passed, when a shadow blocks the sun. Looking up, she sees Spock, staring down
at her.
ÒNice walk?Ó
He nods. ÒThis deck is extremely private.Ó
ÒIt is. Very peaceful.Ó
He pulls her up gently,
begins to take her clothes off.
ÒNot even a by your
leave? IÕm just your sex toy that
you can disrobe at will.Ó
ÒYou are much more than
that.Ó He continues undressing her,
then pulls his robe and underwear off.
ÒItÕs a good thing this is a
very private deck. YouÕve made us
naked.Ó
His lips tick up and stay up,
his eyes are savagely amused. ÒI am
aware of this.Ó Taking her hand, he
leads her to the pool. ÒI have
never had sex in a pool.Ó
ÒNeither have I.Ó
He looks at her. ÒYou are not just saying that?Ó
ÒAmazingly, no, I am
not. Roger didnÕt like swimming. And my other partners...well, they
werenÕt partners you took on vacation.Ó
He walks down the steps,
holds her hand as she walks in after him, then pulls
her into his arms. He kisses her
and the kiss is different than any heÕs given her before. ItÕs...playful.
She twines her arms around
his neck, and as he lifts her onto him, she wraps her legs around his waist,
letting him move her until—she moans as he pushes into her.
He kisses her again. Soft, nipping kisses that she returns,
and soon she is laughing in between moans as their kissing turns to a
game. He suddenly says, ÒTake a
deep breath,Ó and she does, and then he is pulling them into the deep end, down
into the water. Her hair floats around
them and he kisses her under the water, engaging the meld points, letting her
up when she canÕt take it anymore.
She gasps as they break
water, and then he is kissing her again, moving them to less deep water,
pushing her up against the side of the pool and thrusting hard, his hands
behind her head to keep it from hitting the wall of the pool as he moves almost
violently inside her.
She comes and hopes to hell
no one is walking by on the beach.
Then realizes no one here will care. Risa is all
about sex.
He slows his thrusting, seems
to be making sure she is all right before he works back up to the same
intensity, pounding into her until he, too, comes, crying out in a way he has
not before.
Free. He sounds free. He sags against her, lays his head
in the crook of her shoulder, and she rubs his hair then begins to stroke his
back.
ÒI am in love with you,Ó he
whispers in her ear.
ÒYou just had the mother of
all orgasms. I do not believe
you. Tell me again later if you
want.Ó
He pulls away so he can look
at her. ÒI am in love with you.Ó
She shakes her head. But she kisses him tenderly several
times to show him she doesnÕt mind that heÕs telling her this.
They stay, wrapped up in each
other, and in a short while he is moving inside her again. Slowly this time, kissing her cheek, her
neck, her forehead—anywhere he can reach.
ÒI love you,Ó she says,
something she usually tries her best not to tell him.
He just kisses her more
sweetly.
They stay in the pool for a very long time. And when they get out, Spock pulls
another chaise over so they can lie side by side. He manages to keep contact with her, his
leg pressing against hers, his hand laid over hers, and she can feel the
resonance between them almost purring.
She closes her eyes, falls
asleep for a bit, is awakened by his lips on her ear. ÒMmm, Spock.Ó
ÒI am in love with you,
Christine.Ó
She turns sleepy eyes on him,
tries to assess if heÕs just saying it or not. But he begins to suck her earlobe and
she laughs when it tickles.
ÒDo you believe me now? It has been over an hour since our last
orgasms.Ó
She laughs. ÒMaybe you do love me.Ó She frowns. ÒMaybe you do.Ó
ÒThis should not cause a
frown.Ó He pulls back. ÒYou are mine and I am yours and that
will not change. But what can
change is how we feel about that.Ó
ÒHow badly do you want it to
change?Ó
ÒDo you mean am I willing to
delude myself that I love you in the interest of a more harmonious union?Ó
ÒYes, that is exactly what I
mean.Ó
He thinks about it. ÒMy mother and father would tell you
that I have chafed against every restriction ever put on me. Our bond should be just that. InsteadÓ—he pulls her to him,
kisses her thoroughly—ÒI find it quite comforting. You are my mate—not a problem I
must escape, not a mistake I must live with.Ó
She can tell he believes what
he is saying. She sees no reason
not to believe it herself.
Especially when she so very much wants to. And when he is pulling her to him again,
giving her another ferocious kiss and pulling her onto him, pushing his robe
and the dress she pulled on back up so they can join, so she can ride him
harder and harder and—there.
She collapses into his
arms. ÒI love you.Ó
He holds her on him, rubbing
her back, kissing her for a long time before he pulls her dress back down and
lets her return to her chaise.
##
It is their last day on Risa, and Chapel lies boneless against SpockÕs chest as he
plays with her hair. He is leaning
against the headboard, a pillow behind his neck and he sighs. It sounds like an expression of great
contentment.
He finds the meld points on
her face, pulls her closer with his other hand. ÒDo you trust me?Ó
ÒMmmm.Ó
ÒNo, I need your words,
Christine. I am going to try
something and I want to be sure you trust me before I do.Ó
ÒI trust you.Ó She manages to lift her hand up to
stroke his, where it sits on the psi points. Then she presses his fingers in, feels
the meld spring to life. ÒDo your
worst, Mister.Ó
She feels his amusement
through the meld. It is astonishing how much they amuse each other when they let
their defenses down. Then she can
only feel his mind, intent as he travels through hers, down and down and down
and...
She feels as if she is
floating. She is everything; she is
nothing. She hears his voice, all
around her, saying, ÒHere, Christine.Ó
ÒMmmmm,Ó
she says again as she lets herself sink into the feeling of being part of him.
He goes a little deeper; the
bond sounds like a deep-toned bell, struck just right. She moans in pleasure as the vibrations
flow through her.
ÒThis is what we are when we
are truly together,Ó he says. ÒAt
our strongest, this is our reflection.Ó
She wants to hear the bell
again, reaches within their joined minds to where she
saw him go and finds the spot that looks right. She imagines a clapper, gently touches
it to the bond. A higher, sweeter note rings out.
She senses his surprise that
she has done that.
ÒDo it together now,Ó she
says, feeling as if she is full of the kind of recreational drugs people pay a
lot of money for. ÒWhat does it
sound like if we do it together?Ó
ÒI do not know.Ó He moves next to her in her mind, they
hit the spot as one. The high and
low blend perfectly, the vibrations nearly rip away everything and she finds
herself crying. He is clutching her
with one hand, bringing them out of the meld with the other. He pulls her to him once they are free,
cradles her and says, ÒIÕm sorry. I
did not mean to hurt you.Ó
ÒYou didnÕt. It was so pretty, Spock. WeÕre so pretty.Ó She kisses him and cuddles against
him. ÒI didnÕt know you could do
that.Ó
ÒI didnÕt, either. But the bond...it should serve a good
purpose, yes? Not just to lock you
to me against your will.Ó
She leans back, pulls him
down, and kisses him. ÒIt was never
against my will. It was just
without my consent.Ó
ÒThat is a very fine line,
Christine.Ó
ÒNevertheless.Ó She smiles. ÒWe were in harmony just then, deep
down.Ó
ÒI know.Ó
ÒI wonder what we would have
sounded like when this first began?Ó
ÒWe will never know.Ó
She remembers him fleeing
into the Vulcan desert. ÒI
know. It would have been
horrible. You ran away from me.Ó
ÒI am not running now. And if you were to leave me, I would do
my utmost to win you back.Ó
ÒYou mean that?Ó
ÒI do.Ó
ÒYou love me.Ó The feeling is still a new one. She is not sure she would completely
believe it if she hadnÕt felt the vibration they made together.
ÒI do,Ó he says, as he holds
her close and whispers things in Vulcan she canÕt understand but decides she
likes the sound of anyway.
##
She is sitting with Uhura and
Rand in the rec lounge. She feels a
tug on the bond and looks over at the door. Spock is walking in with Kirk and Len.
She smiles at him—a long, languorous smile that she should try to dial
back, but the post-Risa bloom is still not off the
rose. For either
of them.
Spock leads Kirk and Len
over. Len peels off to the bar, but
Kirk stays with Spock.
ÒNice vacation, Chris?Ó He is smiling at her in a way that is
new. Like he finally approves of
her—or of her with his friend.
Or maybe thatÕs just her, finally feeling like she fits in the mix
somehow.
ÒI did, sir.Ó
ÒJim,Ó he says softly.
She smiles.
ÒCan I get you ladies
anything?Ó He gives them all a
gallant bow.
Rand holds up her drink. ÒWeÕre fine, sir.Ó
ÒMaybe later then. If youÕll excuse us, thereÕs a
chessboard with our name on it.Ó
Spock gives a little half nod
to Uhura and Rand, but his eyes darken when he looks at Chapel, and his lips
tip up every so slightly. Then he turns
to follow his friend.
ÒHoly God, that was
hot.Ó Rand punches her softly in
the arm. ÒWhen the hell did you two
get so hot?Ó
ÒOkay, now I want to go to Risa. With him,
preferably,Ó Uhura says with a wink at Christine.
ÒIt was an awfully nice
place.Ó
ÒMust have been. Wow.Ó Rand looks over where Kirk—Jim and
Spock are sitting. ÒGuess youÕre
part of that club now.Ó
ÒWhat? You mean the name thing? Nyah--he has to
do that. IÕm with his best
friend.Ó She makes a face like Òwho
cares?Ó but inside she is very, very happy that Kirk decided to let her in the
club. She imagines Spock is,
too. ÒBesides, we have our own
club. No boys allowed.Ó
Both her friends raise their
eyebrows.
ÒUnless we want them in. Which, sometimes we might. But we donÕt need them.Ó She looks over at Spock. ÒWe just are stuck with them.Ó
He glances her way, nods
slightly, then turns back to the game.
ÒEven that was hot,Ó Rand
says softly. ÒDamn it all,
Christine. How the hell did he end
up being the hot one?Ó
She shrugs. ÒYou two can moon over the captain all
you want. IÕll keep my cold,
emotionless—Ò
ÒUtterly sexy,Ó Uhura said.
She laughs. ÒUtterly sexy Vulcan.Ó
She looks over at Spock; he
glances up and gives her a soft look.
And heÕll no doubt keep her,
too.
FIN