DISCLAIMER: The M*A*S*H characters are the property of Twentieth Century Fox. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2000 by Djinn. This story is Rated PG-13.
Coming Home
by Djinn
The camp was deserted. She tied her robe more
closely around her and started walking. She could hear voices coming from the
Swamp. But when she got there the lights went out.
"Not funny, guys," she said as she
opened the door. But the tent was empty. She turned to the OR. The lights were
on there too. A few seconds later she was at the door. "Pierce?"
The room was empty. The marble floor scrubbed
a brilliant white. She knelt down, confused. Hadn't this been concrete?
Suddenly a crack appeared, then another. A hand shot through, bloody and torn.
A foot kicked out farther down the room. A terrible moaning began.
She tried to rise but the hand had a tight
hold on her. "No," she said as she fought to get away. Another hand
crashed through the ground, which had turned to dirt—no, mud. Red mud. Not mud.
Blood. Everywhere.
"No!" Margaret screamed, as she
shocked herself awake. She looked around trying to get her bearings. She was in
her quarters. Not in a tent. Not in Korea. She was safe. Nothing to fear now.
So why wouldn't the nightmares leave her alone?
##
The patient wouldn't stop squirming.
"Get him under," Hawkeye shouted at
the gas passer. "Get him under now."
"I'm trying, Sir."
He turned to Margaret. She was looking at him
in concern. "You have to keep going, Pierce."
"I am." He went back to work on the
bowel he was trying to repair. Finally he had it. He breathed a sigh of relief.
"Next."
"No." Margaret shook her head. Her
eyes, over her mask, were confused. "You have to keep going."
"I'm done." He looked down at the
patient. Blood was pooling near the chest area. And on the arm. And by a nearly
severed foot. "But I'm done with this one."
"You have to keep going."
Margaret's voice followed him as he jerked awake.
He turned to look at the clock: three hours
before he had to get up. He didn't want to go back to sleep. He didn't want to
dream again. No big surgeries today. He could afford to be tired. He breathed
through his mouth, trying to slow his racing heart. When would these nightmares
end?
##
"Major Houlihan?" She turned to see
a young nurse coming for her. "Colonel Palmer wanted me to give you this,
Ma'am."
She reached for the folded piece of paper.
"Thank you, Lieutenant." She was surprised to see the woman still
standing in front of her. "That will be all, Lieutenant."
"I'm supposed to wait for an
answer." The young officer looked uncomfortable with her assignment.
Margaret opened the paper and read the short
note. He was sorry that he had overreacted. He wanted a chance to make it up to
her. Dinner, perhaps, tonight? At Elio's. The best restaurant in Tacoma? She
looked up at the nurse. "Tell Colonel Palmer that I'd rather die than go
out with him again." With that she spun on her heel and went back to work.
Stupid to have done that—so what if it felt
good, she should be smarter. He had pursued her relentlessly since he'd been
stationed at Madigan. She'd thought this time would be different. But it had
turned out just like all the rest. Well not quite like all the rest. Generally
it took longer for her to walk away.
Margaret sighed in frustration. She'd
discovered that 1953 hometown USA morals were a bit different than what she'd
grown accustomed to in Korea. With their lives on the line twenty-four hours a
day, seven days a week, the men and women of the 4077th had often
turned to each other for comfort. Or if they couldn't turn to each other, they
found willing partners from other units. The times had been frightening and sex
had been an easy way to find companionship, comfort, and perhaps even love.
But this place she'd come back to was very
different. Though the men were quite intent on the pursuit of her, they truly
didn't expect her to give in, much less welcome their attentions. They were
scandalized, she could tell, and though they continued to come back, their
treatment of her changed. So she'd learned her lesson.
She had been back in the states a year and had started saying no about two
months into it. But Palmer had a friend who had been with her during those
first disastrous months. His words last night still stung her.
"Come on," he'd said as he tried to
get her shirt off. "You don't have to pretend with me. I know what you're
like. I've heard all about you—how you like to make a man feel good. Come on,
make me feel good."
She'd slapped him hard. And walked home. So
now it would begin again. He would feel bad and try to make it up to her. She
wouldn't let him. At best, he would ignore her. At worst, he would become an
enemy. It never changed.
She sighed again. Nobody here understood her.
Or what she'd been through. Where were all the veterans from Korea? Why didn't
she get to meet them? But it wouldn't matter, not really. There was only one
veteran she was interested in. And he was all the way across the country,
forging a life without her.
##*
Hawkeye felt sluggish and old as he made his rounds
at Spruce Harbor General. The other doctors nodded to him as he passed. Some of
the nurse's looked at him with admiration. He was nearly to the nurse's station
when he realized Carly was sitting there. Petite, blonde, blue-eyed. She'd
attracted him instantly. But not for herself he realized now.
"Doctor Pierce," she said with a
teasing tone. "I thought I wasn't going to see you today."
"I've been busy."
"Too busy for me? Hmmm?" She moved
around the desk so she could lower her voice. "After our evening the other
night I wasn't sure if I wanted to see you. Just don't try that again and don't
ever call me by another woman's name." She tapped his arm coquettishly.
"If you want to have that sort of freedom with me, you'll have to make an
honest woman of me first, Ben."
He nodded. "I understand that now,
Carly. And I apologize for the whole evening."
"Take me to Jackson Street Grill and all's
forgiven."
"I've got a better idea. Find yourself a
nice young doctor who hasn't been to hell and back. Get yourself someone who
still has dreams. Look for someone who understands how this place really works
because I've forgotten."
She scowled at him. "Your problem, Ben,
is that you dwell on the war. If you'd just let it go you could move on with
life."
He gave her a mocking smile. "And you
know this how?"
"Everyone knows it. If you'd just quit
going on and on about how we don't understand what it was like, maybe you would
see that we have more in common than you think."
So everyone thought that? Great. "I'll see you around,
Carly."
"Ben? What about our date?"
He turned back, "There won't be any
date." He felt an absurd sense of satisfaction as he walked away from her,
leaving her glaring at him.
No, no more dates. They all turned out the
same. She had been happy to kiss him in the car. Even let him explore her body
a bit. But when he'd tried to push it further she'd
protested. Whether it was at the liberties he'd been trying to take or at the
fact that he'd whispered Margaret's name into her ear he wasn't sure.
He didn't think he'd done that before. But it
didn't matter really. The woman he wanted was nowhere to be found. He wasn't
even sure where she'd ended up. BJ thought she was on the West Coast but wasn't
sure exactly which medical center was her new workplace. Truth be told, Hawkeye
hadn't tried all that hard to find her. She'd let him walk out of her life. She
didn't want him. It was just his dumb luck that she was all he wanted.
##
"Major Houlihan, your work with the
patients is exemplary and you're an effective supervisor, but I'm afraid the
board thinks you need a little more seasoning." Her supervisor Colonel
Jefferies seemed uncomfortable.
"Seasoning? What do you call Korea,
Sir?" She tried to keep the anger out of her voice but knew she was
failing utterly.
"This isn't Korea, Major."
"And if you'd served there, sir, you
wouldn't say something like that."
"It was awful there. We all understand
that, Margaret."
"No." She got up abruptly.
"You. Don't. Understand. You don't understand anything. Pass me over?
Fine. My tour is up in three months. I had always thought I would re-up. I was
career army. Well, forget that. I'll find something else to do. At least at a
civilian hospital, I wouldn't expect them to understand what it was like."
He rose. "Major, please."
"There's nothing you can say, Colonel.
Nothing at all." She walked out of his office and back to the duty
station.
"Bad news?" Captain Baker asked.
"Nothing I didn't expect."
##
The shrill ringing of the phone interrupted
Hawkeye's reverie on the porch. He heard the phone stop and realized his dad
must have picked it up.
"Hawkeye, it's for you."
He got up slowly. Probably the hospital
calling with some new surgical emergency for him to come back into town for. He
groaned just thinking about it. But when he got to the kitchen, the look on his
father's face told him this was a call he'd want to take. "Hello?"
"Hawk?"
He laughed out loud. "Beej? God, it's
good to hear your voice."
"Why? Something wrong?"
"No, nothing's wrong." Hawkeye felt
immediately guilty for worrying his friend. "You know, it's just strange.
Being back and all."
"It's been over a year, Hawk. You need
to settle in."
"I know. I'm just having some problems
with that."
"Maybe you should see someone. Someone
that you could talk to."
Hawkeye laughed again. "You mean like
Sydney? I don't think he's hanging out his shingle in this neighborhood. And
the local headshrinker's hardly going to understand where we've been."
"Actually I didn't mean a psychiatrist.
I meant...a friend."
"A friend?"
BJ sighed. "Look, I got a call yesterday
from Margaret. She's getting out of the army and is looking for a job. Now I
know that we have plenty of vacancies here. But I thought...maybe I should
steer her your way?"
"Why, you little matchmaker you. What
makes you think she'd want to come out here? She hasn't tried once to contact
me."
"Hawk, she doesn't sound like she's
doing any better than you. I think you two need each other."
Hawkeye tried to fight down the hope he felt.
"But she hasn't called, Beej. Not once."
"And you haven't called her either. Two
more stubbornly foolish people I have never met. Now should I send her to Maine
or not?"
For a moment he was unsure, but then Hawkeye
remembered the last time he saw her, the way she felt in his arms when they'd
kissed goodbye. "Send her, BJ. Send her quick."
##
Margaret took a deep breath as she sat in the
car. It had been a long trip from Tacoma to Crabapple Cove. She had alternated
between dueling emotions. Hope that this would be the last stop for her, that
it could be a real home. And fear that it would all go sour and she'd have to
run from here too.
"You planning to get out anytime
soon?" A male voice, similar to Pierce's so she turned to look out the
open window. A tall, gray-haired man smiled at her. "I'm assuming you're
Margaret?"
She nodded. "You must be Daniel?"
"Well now that we have that out of the
way, can I help you with your bags?"
"Oh, I'm not staying here."
"Sure you are. The hotel in town isn't
worth the lumber used to build it. And Spruce Harbor is such a cold town. You
come on in now and make yourself at home."
"I don't know... I don't want to
impose."
A new voice, a dearly familiar voice, spoke.
"If Dad says you're staying, there's no use fighting."
He looked the same. His eyes were haunted
though, behind the sparkle that was showing now. A sparkle that told her he was
glad to see her.
She felt relief flood her. "Then I guess
I won't fight."
"Let's get her moved in, Son."
Daniel held out his hand for the keys. Once she handed them over, he walked
back and opened the trunk, ordering Hawkeye around in a way that made her smile.
She got out and helped them carry her things up to the second floor of their
spacious home.
"Sure didn't bring much, Margaret,"
Daniel said as they cleared out her trunk on the second trip. "I like a
gal that travels light. Hawkeye's mother never could get the knack of
that." He smiled fondly at her. "Well, I've got some errands in town
to do. I imagine they're going to take me most of the afternoon. So I'll be
back for dinner. You two probably have some catching up to do."
She smiled at him as he left the room. Then
she turned to face the man she'd never forgotten.
##
If he could have drunk her in, he would have.
The scent of her, the sight, the sound, and hopefully...the touch. He moved
toward her, wanting...needing to hold her. "Margaret."
"Pierce." She frowned at the name.
Tried again. "Hawk."
He smiled teasingly, "You can stop
there. I don't want to hear you calling me Benjamin."
She smiled back. "I've missed you."
"Same here." He studied her.
"Something wrong?" The tone was pure
Korea but her expression was unsure.
"You didn't call, you didn't
write."
"Neither did you." She looked as if
she wanted to run so he tried to hold her with his eyes. She seemed to settle
as she studied him. "You look good. And you don't. Trouble sleeping?"
He nodded. "You?"
"Uh huh. Nobody understands."
He heard the desperation in her voice so he
moved toward her. "I do." He pulled her toward him and felt her
tremble against him, then realized she was crying—that he was tearing up too.
"I understand." He wrapped his arms more tightly around her and kissed
her hair, then her neck. "You're not alone anymore, Margaret. Neither of
us is alone anymore."
She looked up at him. Her eyes, normally such
a vivid blue, were drained. "I'm so tired of fighting all by myself."
"I know. You don't have to do it alone.
I'm here. I love you, Margaret. I've missed you so much."
As he leaned in to kiss her, he heard her
answer back, "I love you, Hawkeye."
##
"Pierce?" She wandered through the
deserted camp. "Hawkeye?"
She turned to the Swamp. Maybe he was there.
Then she stopped. In the distance she heard his voice, calling her.
"Margaret? Wake up."
A dream. But now she was awake and safe in
Maine—with Hawkeye. Her bare body was pressed against his. "I didn't mean
to fall asleep."
"You needed it. I'm feeling sleepy
too." His smile was so gentle and
she relaxed against him. "It was
just a dream, Margaret. You're all right now."
She pulled him closer and felt him react to
her. "Yes, I'm all right now."
##
The OR was packed. Too many bodies. What was
he supposed to do? '
"Help me?" pleaded a soldier.
"Save me!" screamed a little girl.
"Heal me," moaned an old man.
"Hawkeye, wake up." Her voice.
Margaret's. Calling to him. "Wake up."
Her body warm on his own. Her hand stroking
his damp hair off his face. "Wake up, Hawk."
He pulled her closer. "Love you," he murmured as he lost himself
in her.
##
Hours later they still lay in her bed. She
was listening for the sound of a car returning, already feeling guilty.
"Margaret, he knows what we're
doing."
"No, he doesn't." She felt slightly
scandalized.
"'I'll be gone most of the afternoon'?
What do you think he meant?"
"That he had a lot of errands."
"Tomorrow I'll take you into Crabapple
Cove, and we'll see if you can come up with a way to waste a whole afternoon
there."
"So, where's your dad then?"
Hawkeye laughed. The rich sound she'd loved
in Korea. "Probably down at Aunt Corrine's. He swears she's just a
friend, but I think something might be going on."
She laughed. "The apple never falls very
far from the tree, I guess."
"I guess not." She didn't resist
when he pulled her back into his arms. "We like to fool around when we're
young, but once we've found the right woman, we don't let her go." His
lips confirmed the sentiment.
"All this time I thought you didn't care
about me."
"I thought the same thing about you. We
were both wrong."
"So we owe this all to BJ?"
He nodded. "Yep."
"We're going to have to do something
nice for him." She laughed as he tickled her ear. "Really, really
nice."
##
Hawkeye helped his dad cook dinner. Margaret
sat at the kitchen table and watched them work. Whenever he looked over at her,
she smiled at him. A slow, seductive smile that made his knees weak and his
fantasies work overtime. She was more attractive than he remembered. Being in
her arms was like coming home. Finally.
As he set the table, she rose to help him.
Once he'd deposited the plates safely on the dining room table, he pulled her
to him and stole a quick kiss. That turned into a longer kiss. Then a longer
one.
"If you're going to do that, you need to
warn me." Daniel's voice was warm with approval. "Old man like me
seeing such carrying on...?"
"Sorry," Margaret whispered trying
not to laugh.
"Yeah, sorry, Dad." Hawkeye refused
to let go of her. He just pulled her closer to him and smiled at his father.
"Well as long as you're both sorry. Now
get back in here and get some silverware and napkins."
##
Dinner passed quickly as they ate and caught
up. Margaret loved the warm rapport between the two Pierces. She contrasted
their obviously loving relationship to the not terribly warm one she had with
her own father. When the elder Pierce caught her staring at him, she gave him a
small smile. He smiled back and she felt warm all through.
Hawkeye turned to her. "I took some time
off from the hospital. Thought I'd show you around some. We can catch up."
She caught his eye and nearly chuckled at the
mischief in his expression. "Sounds good."
"Son, I've been meaning to talk to you
about the hospital. You don't seem too happy there."
She wondered what he was getting at.
Hawkeye brushed his concern away. "Now that
Margaret's here, I'll be fine."
"I repeat, Hawkeye, you don't seem too
happy there. Are you sure that surgery is what you really want to do now?"
"It's what I'm trained to do. It's what
I know."
She rose to his defense. "He's a
brilliant surgeon, Daniel. The best I've ever worked with."
He patted her hand. "Simmer down, Tiger.
I'm not saying he isn't. I'm just saying maybe he has had enough saving and
dying for one man. Maybe it's time to think about something a little
quieter?"
"Like what?"
"While I was in town today, visiting
your Aunt Corrine"—he clearly didn't miss the wink Hawkeye threw her—"now
cut that out. Anyway, she said Doc Grady is looking to sell the practice. He
and Sally want to retire. See the world. So maybe someone, or a couple of someone's,
that have already seen the world, might want to buy it from them?"
"Doc Grady is selling?"
"Just something to think about."
Daniel turned to Margaret. "You can decide once you've seen the
town."
She laughed uncomfortably. "It's not my
decision."
He laughed back. "I have a feeling it
will be, Sweetheart. I don't see my son ever letting you go. And if he does,
he'll have to answer to me."
She smiled at his enthusiasm for her.
"Well, I appreciate that. Always nice to know I have a champion."
##
The next day Hawkeye and Margaret strolled
through the town. He was pleased to see that she didn't seem disconcerted by
its size or lack thereof. He put his hand on her elbow to steer her into Doc
Grady's office. So far he'd behaved himself and he didn't
want to scandalize the residents of his hometown. But if they could have seen
them last night, after he snuck into her room, they would be very shocked.
As if reading his mind, Margaret looked up at
him. She took in his expression and shot him one of her own devilish smiles. He
didn't look away until he heard Sally Grady calling to him. "So, Benjamin
Franklin Pierce, who's your lovely new friend?"
He introduced Margaret. When Doc Grady came
out with his patient, he did it again, pleased at the way Margaret had already
settled in to this space in his life. Without realizing he'd wanted to ask, he
found himself questioning Grady about the practice.
"You thinking of buying it,
Hawkeye?" The older man grinned. "I wish you would. Can't stomach the
thought of some city MD getting it. I'll make you a fair deal."
Hawkeye put his arm around Margaret.
"We'll have to discuss it and get back to you. Just don't sell it to
anyone else in the meantime."
"I won't."
As he and Margaret walked back to the house,
he stopped. "What do you think? Could you live here? I know we were going
to work in town, but this would be so much closer and I wouldn't have to be
away from Dad so much and..." He hushed as he felt her fingers go over his
lips.
"As long as I'm with you, it doesn't
matter. And I like it here. I think it would be a good place to put down roots.
I haven't had much experience with that."
"Are you sure you could stand working
with me and living with me?"
She smiled wickedly. "Who says I'm going
to live with you? That Mister Parsons down at the general store was giving me
the eye. Maybe I want to live with him."
"He's 78 years old. Besides, you have to
live with me."
"Why?"
He pulled her off the path, into the trees
and kissed her soundly. The best part was how passionately she kissed him right
back. "Because Margaret Houlihan, I want you to be my wife. And that works
best if you live in the same house as your husband."
He felt her pull away, saw surprise rush
across her face, then happiness, then finally fear. "Are you
proposing?"
"Well, no. But only because I don't have
a ring. Consider it a practice proposal." He saw her face lighten as she
realized he was serious. "So what would your practice answer be?"
"Hmmm. Well let's see. You or Mister
Parsons? I don't know. It's a tough choice." She squealed as he pulled her
back to him. "Ok. You. I'll pick you."
"Good answer, Margaret." Their lips
met and he pulled her farther back into the foliage. "If we're
careful..."
"We're never careful, Pierce. That's why
we're so good together. But we are not doing it in the bushes." She
laughed as he pulled her back to him, then swatted his rear and got him back on
the path.
Her eyes were sparkling and he knew his were
too. "Welcome home, Margaret.
Welcome home."
FIN