DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are
the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2004 by Djinn. This
story is Rated R.
Claiming Happiness
by Djinn
Happiness serves hardly any other purpose than to make
unhappiness possible.
- Marcel Proust
Happiness is a hard master—particularly other people’s
happiness.
- Aldous Huxley
Kirk sat back, watching his
bridge crew work. Then he swiveled to face
Spock at the science station. "What
do we have on D'Ahlhal?"
"Not much, Captain. The D'Ahlhali are a xenophobic race.
They have denied Federation landing parties access to their world for
the last twenty years." Spock
looked up from his monitor. "We
will be the first to visit there, Captain."
"Why now?" Kirk got up, walked over to the science
station. "The
Klingons?"
Spock nodded. "So it would seem. There have been a number of Klingon
incursions into D'Ahlhali space."
Kirk sighed. "How recently?"
"Twice
in the last month. I am not sure what it is that D'Ahlhal offers that they find so tempting."
"Sir, I have an incoming
message from Starfleet Command."
Uhura looked over at him.
"They're requesting privacy channel."
"I'll take it in my
office." He looked over at Spock,
debated asking him to come with him.
"I can wait outside
while you take the comm," Spock said evenly, already rising.
Kirk grinned. "Just like
the old days."
Spock's eyebrow rose as a
slight smile grew, and Kirk immediately regretted saying that. But then there was a
softness in Spock's expression, as if he knew what Kirk was
thinking. He shook his head slightly,
seemingly excusing them both from any lapse.
Following Spock onto the
lift, Kirk rode in silence, his eyes resolutely forward. He wasn't in the mood for anything too
personal.
"You are well?"
He nodded.
"I am also." At Kirk's look, Spock almost smiled. "Since you do not appear inclined to
inquire, I thought I would tell you."
Kirk looked down, a smile
playing at his mouth. "This
is...difficult."
"Why?" Spock's expression was angelic, as if he
didn't know that making Kirk talk about what happened in the past--and the
current state of their relationship--might be a way to bring it back to life.
"You know why. And I'm not falling for that. I know you too well, old friend."
He saw a flicker of
disappointment cross Spock's face, but then Spock nodded. "I would knock my king over if we were
playing chess."
"It's not a game, Spock. There doesn't have to be a winner and a
loser."
"I fail to see how that
can be. From my perspective, Christine
has clearly won." Then he added,
"Even if it was my own fault."
Kirk laughed. "Yes, let's not examine that right now,
okay?"
Spock nodded.
"I need you Spock. You're my friend and my first officer. I rely on you. That's going to have to be enough."
"I know, Jim." Spock's face was pure Vulcan-calm. But his eyes weren't completely tranquil.
"You left."
"You said not to examine
that."
"Well, I changed my
mind."
The door opened before Kirk
could continue. Charging off the lift,
he glared back at Spock. "You do
this on purpose."
Spock wisely did not
argue. "I will remain here while
you take the message."
Kirk nodded and felt a moment
of relief when the doors shut Spock away from him. "Uhura, patch the message through."
"Aye,
sir."
His terminal lit up. Admiral Nogura looked grim. "Jim, I need you to table the visit to D'Ahlhal."
"Why?"
"We've gotten some mixed
intel on the place.
It might be nothing, but just put off your visit for now. I'll let you know when we want you to go
in."
Kirk sat down. "What aren't you telling me, sir?"
Nogura sighed. "It's those damned Klingons. They're in and out of the sector; we don't
know why. I'm not putting our newest
ship at their disposal. I don't care how
important it is to some of my colleagues to open up relations." He slammed his hand on his desk, the way he
always did at staff meetings.
"Understood,
sir." Kirk studied his boss. "Our new orders?"
"Rendezvous with the
Curie--we're sending coordinates to you.
They need an escort to Foremis V."
"Aye,
sir." He frowned.
Escort duty wasn't that unusual, but he wasn't sure what was on the
Curie that needed the flagship's protection.
Nogura smiled. "I know what you're about to ask. And I can't tell you. Just don't let anyone bother that ship, is
that understood?"
Kirk nodded. "Awful lot of things you're not telling
me, sir."
Nogura gave him the look.
"And I'm sure you'll
tell me all about them when you're ready."
Nogura ginned. "That's why I like you, Jim. You always understand me." He was already hitting the switch when he
said, "Nogura out."
Kirk sat for a moment, then opened his door, letting Spock in. "We're not going to D'Ahlhal."
Spock did not question it,
just raised an eyebrow. "Our new orders?"
"We're on escort duty,
Mister Spock." Kirk grinned. "From ferry to bodyguard--our missions
aren't exactly utilizing our full potential."
Spock nodded. "It is somewhat of a let down."
"Is it?"
"Since my meld with
V'ger, I find that I feel more than I did previously, or than I allowed myself
to feel." Spock let that hang out there, let it be what he probably knew it was. Very tempting.
Kirk chose to ignore it. "Well, I'm sorry if that meld led you to
greater boredom, Spock."
"That is not precisely
what I meant, Jim."
"Somehow I knew
that." He stood up, smiling at
Spock. "Chess
tonight?"
"You are not otherwise
occupied?"
"I am. Later. But if you want to play chess, I can fit you
into my schedule." He shot Spock a
warning look--don't push this, don't make this difficult.
Spock nodded graciously. "I shall look forward to it."
Kirk smiled. As much as he sometimes felt like he was
negotiating a minefield when he was talking to Spock, he still missed him,
still looked forward to time spent together.
Their relationship as lovers was over, but they were still friends, and
he still relied on Spock.
He couldn't imagine that ever
changing.
---------------------
"Mom, are you sure
you're okay?" Chapel felt a moment
of panic as she looked at her mother's wrist.
The comm channel wasn't very good, but the wrist looked fine.
"Christine, I told you. It was just a little accident. I'm good as new." Her mother looked down. "I shouldn't have told you."
"Yes, you should
have."
"You're out there,
dear. What can you do about something
like this?" Her mother smiled. "At least you're happy. You are happy, aren't you, Christine?"
Chapel thought about Jim and
Spock playing chess. Wondered what they
were talking about. She'd had to fight
the urge to wander up to the lounge.
But she had to trust him. And she
had to trust herself--that she'd made the right
decision to come with Jim. That he
wasn't going to hurt her the way McCoy--and some of
her other friends--seemed to think he would.
"Christine?"
"I'm happy,
Mom." It sounded terribly weak.
"I better go. I don't want to tie up the channels. I love you, sweetheart."
"I love you too,
Mom."
She picked up one of her
padds, tried to lose herself in the research she was doing, but her mind
refused to focus. She kept imagining her
mother falling off the ladder. She must
have been working in her studio again.
She was too old to be crawling all over ladders.
Giving up on the research,
she began to pace. She wasn't looking
forward to duty tomorrow. She and McCoy
needed to have a talk, and she couldn't put it off any longer. But she wasn't sure she wouldn't just be
making things worse if she forced him into a conversation he didn't want to
have.
Had he really wanted more
from her than just friendship--or whatever it was they had between them? Sometimes she wasn't sure what kind of relationship
they had.
Her comm unit chimed, and she
walked over to it slowly. "Chapel."
"I'm back in my
quarters. If you want
to join me?" Jim smiled at
her.
Did he smile at Spock that
way?
"Hon?"
"I'll be there in a
bit. I'm finishing up some work."
"Okay. Sure."
He frowned a little. "Take
your time, I'll still be here." He
cut the connection.
Would he? Would he still be there if she took too long?
Spock would be waiting. She thought Spock would always be waiting.
Why was she here? Should she have stayed on Earth? Had it been stupid to come here?
She sat down, trying to find
some inner peace, using disciplines that reminded her too much of the Vulcan
ones she'd once studied in her attempts to impress Spock. She picked up her padd, put it down
again. Finally, she took a shower,
hoping the water would relax her.
She pictured her mother's
shower--it didn't have a handrail. If
her mother fell in the shower, who would know to check?
She toweled off, trying to
not worry about things that weren't new.
Her mother had been on her own since Chapel's dad had died. Slipping in the shower was not a new hazard.
She got dressed and dried her
hair, spending a lot of time putting makeup on, then more time wiping it
off. She didn't want to look like she
was trying too hard. Like
she was competing with Spock.
Finally, she forced herself
out of her quarters and walked to Jim's, ringing the chime for admittance. She didn't have to,
he'd keyed her into the access list. But
she didn't like to abuse that. Didn't want to walk in on someone's private conversation with the
captain--unless that person was Spock.
Jim's cheery
"Come," immediately irritated her.
She walked in slowly, almost turning around when she didn't see him at
first.
Then he peeked around the
corner, giving her a heart-stopping grin as he said, "Hey, I was wondering
if you were ever going to show."
"I'm here." She hated how cold her voice sounded.
"And
in one hell of a mood." He moved away from the closet, pulling his
shirt over his head as he did it.
"What's wrong?" He
started to draw her towards him, and she jerked away.
"I didn't come here for
sex."
He dropped his arms, pursed
his lip slightly. "Okay." He walked around her, went to his bureau and
poured two glasses of scotch. As he
handed one to her, he asked, "What did you come here for, Chris?"
"I'm not sure," she
said, as she took a drink. The liquor
burned, and she blinked back tears.
"Chris?" Jim stepped toward her, gently pushed her hair
off her face. "What is it?"
She didn't want to show him
how much his touch moved her, so she took another drink. "It's been a bad day." At his look, she said, "I'm not crying. It's just the scotch."
He smiled, clearly not
convinced. "I've seen you drink
scotch, Doctor. Remember?" He turned away and walked to the couch,
sitting down and gesturing for her to join him.
She didn't move.
He sighed. A long-suffering sound full
of some strange tenderness.
"Chris, come here."
When she didn't move, he said softly, and a bit dangerously,
"Now."
Their eyes met and she felt
as if she was in a battle of wills. She
glared at him; he stared blandly back.
"Now," he
repeated.
Something in his eyes, something
gentle and completely implacable called to her.
Forced her to surrender. She walked over to him and sat down.
He smiled,
no triumph in the look. "What's
wrong?"
Looking away, she tried not
to hear her mother's voice. "It's
nothing."
"It's not nothing, or we wouldn't be playing twenty
questions." He threw back his
scotch and put the glass down.
"Finish that."
Again she found herself in a
stare-down with him. Again he won. She threw the drink back, put it down too
hard on the glass table. The heavy clink
was like a slap.
She pulled her hand back,
turned to him. "There. I'm finished.
What's your next order, Captain?"
He sighed again, seemed to be
considering what he was going to do.
Then he reached for her slowly, pulling her against him. When she tried to pull away, he said,
"Shhh. I just want to hold
you."
His hand on her back was warm
and soothing. He carefully undid the
clips that held her hair up, letting it fall and running his fingers up under
it. She groaned in surrender, relaxing
against him and wrapping her arms around him.
"What happened?" he
said softly.
"It was nothing."
"What happened?"
"My mom," she said.
He waited.
"It was really nice
being home, being with her again..."
She trailed off then felt his arms tighten around her. It was so safe in his arms. She relaxed even more, laid her head on his
chest. "My father died, at the tail
end of our first mission."
"I remember."
She smiled. "Another time you were kind to me."
"It wasn't hard to be
kind."
She pulled away enough to
find a new position, one that allowed her to look at him. "And it was your job."
He nodded. "It was." He touched her face softly, playing with her
hair again.
"I feel
guilty." There, she'd said it. "I miss her, and I feel guilty. Because I wasn't
around."
"Around
for what?"
Chapel fought back the
strange panic she felt. Her mother was
fine. It had just been a little
accident. "She's an artist. A sculptor. She works on big things...really big things,
and she's getting older. The ladder,
it's rickety. And I knew that, and I
didn't fix it." The words came out
in a rush.
"And she fell?"
She nodded. "She was only on the third rung. Sprained her wrist, nothing
too serious. But..."
He kissed her cheek
softly. "But it scared the hell out
of you?"
"She's fine. I don't know why I'm acting like
this." Chapel said, blinking hard
again.
"Because you're
realizing that she won't be around forever.
Because you aren't there to make it all okay,
and you feel guilty. Because
you love her."
"And I like
her." She smiled up at him, knew it
was a plaintive look. "We had a
really good time while I was on Earth."
"And now you're
gone. Now
you've"--he touched her on the nose, punctuating his words with a gentle
tap--"deserted her."
She nodded.
"I know the
feeling. I feel guilty leaving my mother
alone in that rambling old farmhouse she refuses to leave." He sighed, seemed to be far away. "
She nuzzled closer to
him. "I'm sorry."
"For
what?"
"For
your mom and for being a bitch."
"Oh that." He grinned.
"I'll forgive you."
"I was..." She looked down.
"You were what?"
"When
you spend time with Spock. I get a little..."
"Crazy?" he asked
with a grin.
"I was thinking of
jealous." She sighed. "Did you have a good time?"
He smiled softly and
nodded. "He's my friend,
Chris."
"I know."
"He's my friend, and
you're my lover--that's the one I love for those not paying
attention." He kissed her
gently. "Do you still think this is
just about the sex?"
She looked away.
"If you're hurting, I
want to know about it. I want to be able
to help. And if I've had a bad day, I
want to know that I can tell you about it." He turned her face to him, kissed her again,
this time more passionately.
She could feel her body
responding to him, to the way he was holding her. She let go and lost herself in his kiss. When he finally pulled away, she said,
"I haven't had the best track record, Jim.
No real experience with a relationship that's normal...that's
good."
"Well, then it's high time you got some experience." He leaned in, stopped just short of her lips,
waited for her.
She moved toward him, laid
her lips against his, then felt his mouth open. She let his tongue capture hers, groaning as
she pulled him closer. He eased her back
on the couch, kissing her relentlessly.
When he finally let her breathe, she said, "I want you."
He smiled. "You gave me the impression that you
weren't in the mood."
She tried to pull his shirt
up but he wouldn't move. She gave him a
mock frown, saying, "I can't be here with you this way and not be in the
mood."
"Let's see if you say
that in ten years."
She must have looked startled
because he laughed.
"You don't think we'll
make it that long?" he asked seriously.
She stared up at him, smiled
slowly. "I'm beginning to believe
anything's possible with you."
He nodded. "Now, you're getting the
idea." He nuzzled her jaw, moved up
to her ear. "The next time we're on
earth, I'll fix that damn ladder."
He bit down slowly, let go.
Chapel felt a warm feeling
settle over her. Wasn't sure what it
was, but decided she liked it.
"That'd be nice." She
tried again to pull his shirt off.
He pulled her hands away,
lifted them over her head, pinning her.
"Maybe we shouldn't rush it tonight," he said, as he kissed
her.
She was drowning in the feel
of his lips on hers, his soft and tender kisses, and the way he was holding her
down, his hands firm on her arms. She
kissed him back, nearly overwhelmed by the sensation of being loved by
him. As their kisses intensified, she
moaned helplessly and he pulled away.
"I love you,
Chris," he said, as he let go of her arms and pulled her shirt up. He kissed her stomach, moved slowly up. "Do you have any idea how much I want
you?"
She didn't answer, watched as
he eased her pants off, then his own.
She pulled his shirt off him, sat up enough for him to slide hers
off. As his skin touched hers, she
murmured, "I love you, Jim."
"Slow tonight. Slow."
His voice was very husky.
She nodded,
pulling him to her and holding him close as he moved. She closed her eyes, lost in the way he made
her feel. Lost in him.
The warm feeling came over
her again and she suddenly identified it.
Security.
Safety. Home.
It was a good feeling.
----------------------------
Kirk woke slowly and turned
over. Chris lay on her side, facing him,
one hand thrown over her face. He
studied her as she slept, enjoying the opportunity to stare at her without her
becoming self-conscious. She moved in
sleep, moaned softly as she edged closer to him. Her hand dropped to the pillow, and her hair
spilled over her face. He gently moved
it back. She moaned again but did not
wake.
He thought back to the
previous night. Wondered how close he
had come to having her run out on him again.
She was like a mare he'd worked with as a boy. Fractious and difficult to gentle--too used
to harder voices and hands. It had been
a challenge to get the horse to accept him, to prove that she could trust
him. Chris was proving to be as
difficult. And that was a constant
surprise. From what he had seen of her
in the past, he would have expected her to be an easy sell on a relationship,
on romance. He would have pegged her as one
of those women who were invariably more enamored with being in love than
actually in love with their partner. It
wasn't a very charitable assessment, but he hadn't known the real Chris Chapel,
had only his impressions of the woman who had chased after Spock all those
years. Now, he wondered what she would
have done if Spock had ever returned her interest. Run like hell, he guessed, picturing her
backing away slowly before fleeing from any chance of happiness.
If anyone had told him how
much work it would be to keep her, Kirk would have laughed outright. But he'd have been wrong. She was difficult, a challenge to hold onto,
and the part of him that loved a challenge responded to that.
"You're staring at
me," she said softly, her voice still crackly from sleep.
"I am," he agreed,
moving closer to her.
She closed the gap between
them, snuggling in close and wrapping her arm around him. "Why?"
"Why am I staring at
you?"
She nodded, the movement more
felt against his chest than seen.
"Because
I can." He grinned, waiting for her response.
"Not an answer,"
she mumbled.
"Sure it is. You get uncomfortable when I stare at you
when you're awake. So I thought I'd take
advantage of your being asleep." He
felt her move against him, her lower body rubbing his in a provocative
way. "Although now I think there
are other things I'd like to take advantage of."
She pulled away
slightly. "You have a one-track
mind."
"You started
it." He grinned as he leaned in to
kiss her. It was a long kiss, and he
rolled to his back, pulling her with him.
As she broke the kiss and sat
up, moving into position, he smiled, enjoying the sight of her on top of
him. He reached up to touch her, ran his
hands down her sides, and held her firmly as she began to move. "Chris," he groaned, making a hiss
of the last letter.
She leaned down, kissing him
deeply while never stopping her motion.
"Jim," she whispered, as she straightened again, began to move
faster.
He watched her as she rode
him, felt her clench around him. As she
threw her head back with a loud moan, he felt his own self-control break, and
he followed her into pleasure, calling her name as he went.
She eased off of him, curling
against his side and kissing his cheek as he came down from the place she'd sent
him. He turned to meet her lips, kissing
her deeply.
"Good morning," she
said, a grin transforming her face into something radiant and devilish all at
once.
"Good morning," he
replied. "Have I ever told you how
much I like waking up next to you?"
"Once or twice,"
she said. "But you can tell me
again."
"I like waking up next
to you, Chris."
"Me too," she said
as she glanced over at the chrono. He
saw her look change, become more serious.
"Time to get up?"
he asked.
She nodded, giving him a final
kiss before rolling out of bed.
"Len's called an early meeting."
"Then you go
first," he said, gesturing toward the bathroom.
"We know how sharing
doesn't work," she said.
"Well it works for some
things."
She laughed. "If you weren't so easily distracted, we
could get ready together."
"If you didn't hog the
water, we could do it."
"Me? I barely get to soap up."
He waved her away with a
laugh, then relaxed into the pillows as he listened to
her getting ready. He needed to talk to
McCoy. He knew he hadn't been good about
reaching out to his old friend, had been too distracted by Chris and
Spock. He needed to do better. And he needed to find out what was going on
between McCoy and Chris. Things hadn't
been right between them since McCoy had told her he had come back to the ship
hoping that she could offer him something more than friendship. Kirk knew she was trying to downplay the
whole thing, but a shadow had crossed her face when she had mentioned
McCoy. And it wasn't the first time it
had happened.
Kirk knew that McCoy wasn't
their biggest supporter, but was he actively trying to sabotage them? It was hard to believe his friend would do
that, but stranger things had happened.
The human heart was a tricky thing, especially when it was aching. But still, he had trouble seeing McCoy being
too serious about this, had an even harder time imagining his friend nursing a
great passion for Chris without Kirk being aware of it. Sure, Kirk had suspected that there was some
interest on McCoy's part, but it was a long way from interest to head over
heels.
"You look serious,"
Chris said, as she came out of the bathroom and grabbed some things out of the
drawer he'd cleared out for her.
"Just drifting," he
said, trying to disarm her with his trademark grin.
"You," she said, as
she pulled on her uniform, "never 'just drift,' Jim."
"Come here."
"You say that a
lot." She walked over,
let him pull her down for a long kiss.
"You're awfully bossy, you know?"
"Drawback of being in
charge," he said as he kissed her again.
"Besides, you like it."
She smiled. "You know me too well." She pulled away. "Okay, I've got to go. One of these days, I'll get breakfast before
I run out of here."
He grinned and reached into
one of the bedside drawers. Handing her
a nutrition bar, he said, "Don't say I never feed you."
"I'm touched." She ripped the wrapping off and took a
bite. "God, these are awful."
"But nutritious."
"But nutritious,"
she agreed. "Have a good day."
"You too," he said
as she headed for the door. He watched
her leave, was happy to see her turn just before she got to the door and look
back. He knew his grin was as silly as
her own as he said, "Can't resist a last look, Doctor?"
She shrugged. "What can I say, Jim? You're one good looking man. Especially when you're in
bed."
"Get going before I
order you back in here with me."
Her salute was barely
regulation as she laughed and then hurried out the door.
----------------------------
"You ready?" McCoy hardly looked at her as he passed her
office.
Chapel swallowed the
sarcastic retort she wanted to let fly and got up to follow him to the small
sickbay conference room. "Of
course, Doctor," she said blandly.
He glanced back at her,
looking a bit surprised at her calm response.
After the way she'd been fighting back since he beamed on board, her
being so reasonable must seem a welcome return to their old ways. It wasn't the reaction she intended. This wasn't behavior that she wanted to
return to. She didn't want to work in
that environment again where he ranted and vented and occasionally took out his
frustrations on his staff, and Chapel soothed him, calmed him down, and got him
to laugh again. She didn't want to go
back to that dynamic, but wasn't sure the one they were replacing it with was
any better.
It was high time to find a
new way to interact. And she had to find
a way to patch up what had been ripped apart by his confession that he wanted
more from her and her unwillingness to entertain the idea. She didn't like that the dynamic between them
seemed to have become as little interaction as possible, with McCoy ignoring
her while she tiptoed around him. She
was tired of worrying that whatever she did would be
the wrong thing.
She sighed as she took the
seat next to him, watched as the rest of the alpha team came in and sat down.
McCoy seemed to be his old
self as he led the meeting. Jovial,
friendly, the good old southern gentleman that she knew he loved to play and
that maybe was true most of the time.
Chapel wondered when she had
begun questioning his behavior...or anyone's.
When had she started wondering who people really were underneath the
masks? She'd used to take her friends
more at face value, but then everything had seemed to change when she and Jim
had hooked up. She realized that it
wasn't Jim they were reacting to. It was
her. She was the one who had stepped out
of character. Of any of them, she had
been the most dependable, the most unswerving in her motivations and
behaviors. She'd been the lovesick
nurse, the caring friend, the woman who stuck to the shadows...a supporting
player at best. Her friends hadn't been
around to see her change as she finished her degree, hadn't been there to witness
her growth, her confidence, her new attitude.
Only Jim had seen it...seen it and liked it. Jim and Sulu...now that
they were on board.
In the minds of her friends,
she supposed that she was the one who seemed to have changed overnight. It hadn't been overnight, she'd fought hard
to find herself again after nearly losing her way the first time on the
She forced her attention back
to the meeting. Working out her personal
problems wouldn't help with a question she couldn't answer because she'd hadn't been paying attention. But as the meeting went on, she realized that
she needn't have worried. The discussion
was routine, no medical crises on the horizon.
As the meeting broke up, she followed the others out, went back to her
office and started on some reports.
"Got a
minute?" McCoy's expression was
neutral as he stood in the doorway.
"Sure."
He moved inside and released
the door switch, allowing the door to close behind him. She expected him to call for the privacy
screens, but he didn't. In fact, he
didn't do anything except sit down and stare at the floor. Finally, he looked up, met her gaze. His expression was a mixture of regret and
irritation.
"Len?"
"I'm sorry. For what I said. That I wanted more from you..." He sighed.
"You know I'm not big on apologies, but I overstepped a boundary,
and I'm sorry."
She nodded,
surprised that he was willing to talk about it.
"I think it would be
best if we just pretend that the conversation never happened." He rose, turned for the door.
"But it did
happen." Chapel's words stopped him
cold.
"Wouldn't it be easier
to just pretend?" He tried a grin,
a small trace of his old charm.
"Maybe it would. But I don't think that's the kind of decision
you get to make alone."
"I'm just trying to make
things better." He sat down,
reached over and flipped on his terminal, as if the conversation was at an end.
"That's it? You have spoken?" She wished she could get the sarcasm out of
her voice, but she was frustrated and angry.
She never used to let herself get angry, and it had only made her
crazy. Holding back usually helped no
one.
He looked over at her. "What the hell do you want me to say,
Christine?"
"How about saying
something honest? How about telling me
why you thought we'd make a good couple when you never even gave me the time of
day as a friend? When the
"I meant to come..." He looked away.
"Just like you meant to
call?" She shook her head. "We've never been friends, Len. Not the way you and Jim and Spock are friends."
He shot her a half-hearted
grin. "I didn't call them
either."
"Not
at all?" This wasn't anything she and Jim had
covered. They'd both been so busy
finding common ground around Spock that it had never occurred to her that McCoy
had neglected him as well.
McCoy rubbed at his eyes, he
sighed, long and hard, as if he was letting out a lot more than just
breath. "I let myself get a little
lost. I lost touch with everything. Part of it was a woman--several,
actually." He shook his head. "Part of it was that I was hurt. You all left me, you know. Every damn one of
you."
"Left you?"
"You went off to medical
school, then Spock ran away to Gol, and Jim took that desk job." He held up a hand, stopped the comment she'd
been about to make. "I don't
begrudge you your success, Christine. Or
Jim his chance for moving up, even if I did think it was the worst move he
could make. But put yourself in my
shoes. Try to figure out if you matter
when everyone you love is moving away from you."
"I'm sorry. I never--"
"--Of course you
never. I never let you see
that." He laughed; it was a
terribly bitter sound. "You were
right. I do use humor to hide
things. I strike out and make fun so
that no one will ever see me hurting."
He shook his head. "And I
plan things sometimes way down deep in my heart or mind or wherever. I plan things and forget to tell the people
involved what I want or need or intend."
His smile turned more wry than bitter.
"I guess if I wanted you to know I had feelings for you, I should
have called once in while."
"That is the preferred
way." She took his hand. "You do that--that secret unilateral
planning--for the same reason you make everything a joke, don't you? So that you won't get
hurt?"
"You're no slouch in the
psych department." He laid his
other hand over hers, patting it as if he wasn't sure what to do but needed to
touch her, to connect. "I'm sorry
I've been so hard on you. About Jim, and
Spock, and about this thing I dreamed up for us." He pulled his hands away gently. "It just...hurt. And it was a shock. I expected you to be free. And that's not very nice, nor was it very
smart on my part." He smiled at
her, a real smile. "Trust
Jim to recognize a good woman when he sees her."
She smiled softly. None of this could be easy for him to
say. "I'm sorry too. You took me by surprise with the things you
said, about us, and about Jim and Spock."
She leaned back. "I know
that they have a history, Len. I do. I'm a little afraid of what it will mean
having Spock back on the ship. But I
love Jim, and I trust him not to hurt me."
She stared at him, wanted him to understand. Wanted him to say she was right.
"I hope you're right, darlin'. I do. And I lied.
I'll be here with a stiff drink and a sympathetic ear if it does
happen."
She smiled, but it wasn't
exactly what she'd wanted to hear.
"But if you're happy and
things work out, I'm still here."
"You're sure?" she
asked.
He took a deep breath, seemed
to hesitate before he finally spoke. The words coming out in a rush at first. "I feel like I've still lost the three
of you. Spock is back but not very
interested in spending time with me when he could be chasing after your
beau. You and Jim seem to be permanently
ensconced in your quarters. I guess I'm
a little..." He didn't finish. Even this new honesty had limits apparently.
But she imagined what words
might be applicable. None of them were
very nice. "I'm sorry."
"Quit saying that. Just come up for air once in a while."
Chapel nodded. She'd hated it when a friend lost herself in
a new lover. Hated it and swore she
wouldn't be like that. And yet, here she
was. Uhura had said the same thing. They never saw her.
She needed to work on
that. Both she and Jim need to work on
that.
"Are we all right
now?" McCoy gave her his old
smile. The one she'd always thought was
like a fond uncle. It was hard to think
of it that way now. But it was still a
welcome improvement over the deadly silence.
"We will be." She walked over and touched his shoulder,
lightly. "You do matter to
me." She decided not to add the part
about it just not being the in the way he wanted.
He nodded. "We're halfway there. I wouldn't open up like that to someone I
planned to be at odds with for the foreseeable future."
She nodded, gave his shoulder
a fond squeeze and headed back to her own office. As she walked, she felt something settle down
inside her, felt herself fully relax in sickbay for the first time since McCoy
had arrived.
----------------------------------
"This
seat taken?"
McCoy looked up, his smile
broke before he could contain it, and Kirk felt instantly guilty. How badly had he been neglecting his friends
that his presence at a lunch table should evoke such a smile?
"I guess that's a
no." He sat, smiling at McCoy as if
years hadn't passed between lunches.
"You're a brave man, trying the stew, Bones."
McCoy pushed it around with
his fork. "I wasn't paying
attention when I pushed the selection."
He took a deep breath. "Christine
talk to you?"
"Chris talks to me a
lot." Kirk grinned, probably not
the grin Bones wanted but he was going to be damned if McCoy would make him
pussyfoot around this.
"I mean, I think she and
I have settled our differences. I
figured that might be welcome news to you."
If it meant she'd settle down
a little bit, it would be wonderfully welcome news, but Kirk knew better than
to say it. Instead he just smiled. "It's me she's mad at. She just hasn’t realized it yet."
"Say again?" McCoy took a drink of water, watching Jim
carefully.
"I chose you,
Bones. For CMO. I made her come up here with me--you did know
she turned it down, right?" At
McCoy's look of confusion, he sighed. "Very long story.
Not a good time for either of us.
She told Decker she wasn't coming.
I convinced her she needed to.
But I didn't make her my CMO."
McCoy didn't say anything,
just tilted his head, his mouth pursed as if he was waiting for the punch line.
"I chose you,
Bones. Over the woman I'm in love
with. And then you two had your own
issues. So, while I'm very glad that you
two have found a way to make peace in sickbay, I know that one of these days
she's going to wake up and realize how angry she is at me...not at
you." He shrugged.
McCoy started to
chuckle. "So when do you think
she's gonna blow?"
"Do not start a pool on
that, Bones." He gave him his sternest
"Captain's glare."
"Me? Never."
"Good." Kirk tucked into the omelet he'd ordered.
"You
seeing much of Spock these days, Jim?" McCoy's tone was casual, but there was
something in his voice, something that dug.
"I see him every
day. He's my first officer. And my science
officer." He gave McCoy a
bland smile.
"Just like old
times."
"It's not like you to
mince words, Bones."
"Okay, Jim. What the hell do you think you're doing? Your lover is back and he wants you
again. You want me to believe Christine
isn't going to get caught in the crossfire?"
"Are you afraid she
will...or hoping she will?" Kirk
kept his voice even, but he could feel his anger rising. If this was what Chris was getting from
Bones, it was no wonder she'd been ticked off.
McCoy picked up his
tray. "You know, this stew is
really awful. I'm going to get something
else." He stood up, looked down at
Kirk. "Should I find a different
table?"
Sighing, Kirk shook his head.
"You
sure?"
"Oh, I'm sure, Bones. I
live for conversations like this."
He looked up at McCoy, annoyed that he'd been pushed into being
snide. "Go get your meal and get
back here. We have a few years to catch
up on." Years that didn't include
Spock, and he didn't plan to mention Chris too much.
McCoy seemed to soften. "Okay.
I'll just be a sec." He
sighed. "I don't know why I'm like
this, Jim."
Kirk reached up, laid his
hand on McCoy's arm. "Change is
hard. And when the familiar changes,
that can be the hardest of all."
McCoy laughed softly. "When did you get so insightful?"
"Two years of being
unhappy at my desk. A desk you told me
not to chain myself to. And...you were right.
I shouldn't have." He
decided to let McCoy have the point--maybe it would soften him up even
more. Besides, it wasn't a lie.
McCoy smiled--a ghost of his
old, "aw shucks, I'm just a southern boy" smile. But then he shook his head. "Only you wouldn't have Christine now,
would you, if you hadn't gone and done it?"
"Got
me there." Kirk didn't look away.
McCoy seemed to accept that,
just smiled and went to get more food.
Kirk breathed a huge sigh of
relief. Navigating through his closest
friendships never used to be this hard.
-----------------------
“Eating alone, Christine?”
Chapel looked up, forced
herself to focus on Chekov. “Pavel, I'm
sorry. You caught me daydreaming. Yes, I'm alone." She smiled up at him. "Please, sit."
Chekov looked around.
"You're sure? If you're waiting for
someone…?"
They both knew who he
meant--and she was pretty sure Jim was eating in the forward mess. She smiled and shook her head. "I'm not expecting anybody. Please…join me. We haven't really had a chance to talk."
He slid into the chair across
from her. "No. It's been busy." It wasn't much of an excuse, and they both
knew it.
Chapel saw him cast a glance
across the room to a table where an attractive ensign sat with a lieutenant
from engineering. "Isn't that
Ensign Karimazov?" she asked.
Chekov nodded unhappily, then turned a suspicious look on her. "How do you know about her?"
Chapel tried to think of a
good answer, but he stopped her with a wave of his hand.
"Don't bother to lie, Christine. How
do any of us find out anything?" He
looked down and concentrated on his food, then he
blurted out, "Sometimes I wish that Janice would just mind her own
business."
"It wasn't just
Jan."
"Oh, but I'm sure she
had something to say. Did she mimic
me? Or Oksana?"
"I've seen you laugh at
the imitations she does. You know she
doesn't mean anything by them, Pavel."
He exhaled,
a disparaging sound. "Yes, I
laugh. She is funny. But sometimes...she has a bitter edge…deep
down. We call it soul ice in
Russian."
"Oh come on, Pav. I'll admit she likes to gossip, but she's not
mean."
He raised an eyebrow, an
eloquent twin to Spock's normal gesture.
She chose not to comment.
He continued, obviously
unwilling to drop the subject. "She
can be mean, you know."
Chapel waited.
"But it comes from
inside. Like she's so unhappy, it makes
her mean." He made a face as if
unsatisfied with how he was expressing himself.
"Unhappy
how?" Chapel didn't want to discuss Kirk.
"Unhappy with how her
life has gone." Chekov looked
away. "I think she expected to stay
young and pretty forever." He
looked back at Chapel. "I think
it's because I don't look my age that she's always picking on me."
"Pav, she's not always
picking on you. And that's a ridiculous
theory."
He shrugged. "Well she's mad at something."
"Maybe it's me." Chapel looked down. "She's not very happy with me."
He shrugged. "Maybe that's it. And you have a protector. She'll respect that. I, on the other hand, am fair game."
Chapel saw
He sighed, but didn't say
anything as
"What're you taking
about?"
"Nothing
interesting," Chekov said.
"Well then, it's a good
thing I showed up with the latest dirt."
Chapel saw Chekov shoot her a
knowing glance before turning to his lunch.
"Maybe we could do without the dirt today?" she suggested.
"Without?"
"I know. But maybe I shouldn't," Chapel
said. "There are plenty of other
things we could talk about."
Chapel turned to Chekov. "Like why you're at tactical and not
navigation anymore?"
Chekov shrugged. "I want to get into command
someday. Need to have as well-rounded an
experience as possible."
"And navigation was
reserved for Ilia,"
"Nothing happens on beta
shift," Chapel said. "Even I
know that."
Chekov smiled as he got up;
he gathered his tray and said, "Unlike the rest of you, I'd like to get
off this ship someday.
Chapel sighed. She'd thought
"This wasn't where I
intended to end up either,"
"Where
then?"
"Are you sure?"
Chapel said softly. "You can tell
me anything."
"I said"--
Chapel reached out, touched
her arm. "Jan...if
you need to talk…?"
"What? You'll be there for me? You sure you'll have the time?"
Chapel frowned, not sure what
to think as she watched her friend hurriedly dump her tray before fleeing the
mess.
She sighed, unsure how to
help, or even if she would be welcome if she tried. She ate her lunch, finding the food difficult
to swallow. Finally she pushed her plate
away.
"May I sit down?"
Spock said, hovering suddenly over her.
She jumped slightly. "How do you do that?" She nodded, gesturing to the spot across from
her. "Sit."
He eased into the booth. He had no tray.
"You're not
eating?"
"No. I wish to speak with you."
She suddenly felt utterly
weary and started to get up.
"Spock, if this is about Jim..."
He reached out, his hand on
her stopping her progress. She stared at
his hand, then at him.
He let go of her. "This
is not about Jim."
She sat back down.
"I just saw Ms. Rand in
the corridor. She appeared to be quite
upset."
Chapel frowned, unsure why he
was telling her this.
He frowned back, and she
realized that he had been far freer with his expressions and tone since his
meld with V'ger. Great,
a more emotional Spock. Just what she needed as a rival.
"You are her friend, are
you not?" He made a slight face, as
if acknowledging the recent rupture in relations. "This business with
Jim aside."
"This
business?" She laughed.
"Wow. That's such a great
way to put it."
"I did not mean
offense."
"Sure." She laughed again. Realized that despite his possible
digs, she felt more at ease around him than she ever had. Maybe it was having what he wanted. Or maybe it was just that she no longer had
to act the lovesick moron.
"She was crying,
Christine. That is normally not a
positive sign in a human while on duty."
"I'll go check on
her." She slid out of the booth to
dump her tray.
He followed her out.
"You came in there just
to tell me about Jan?" At his nod,
she asked, "Why?"
"I am first
officer. She is a valued member of this
crew. I do not believe that I can help
her with an emotional issue, but I suspect you can. I also know that there has been a rift
between the two of you. This might help
you bridge that."
"And you care about Jan
and I making up why?"
He raised an eyebrow. "Crew squabbles do not increase
efficiency, Doctor Chapel. Quite the opposite.
And I am, of course, only concerned with efficiency." He nodded formally, an odd, slight smile on
his face. "Good day."
"See ya." Watching him walk out of sight, she shook her
head in puzzlement.
She went to the transporter
room, but
"Jan?" Chapel peered in.
"I was worried..."
"I know."
"He was worried?"
"I think he
was." Chapel walked into the room, sat
on the bed. "I know we're in a
rough place right now. But I care about
you. And if you're hurting, I want to
help. If I can?"
Chapel sighed. If this was going to be
about Jim... "Old times are
hard to recapture."
"Yeah. I
know."
"Who,
Jan?"
"Commander Walters. Do you know him?"
Chapel nodded. She didn't actually know the bastard, but she
knew of him. Single,
perpetually dating someone new, unusually messy breakups. If his uncle hadn't been an admiral at
Command, and very fond of his only nephew...
"I thought he loved me." Her hands tightened. "He didn't."
"I'm sorry, Jan."
Chapel reached for her, but
"Don't. I can't.
Not yet. It hurts too much. I'm afraid if I let go of it, I'll never be
okay again."
"Jan."
"Thank you. For coming by. It was nice of you--especially when I've been
so nasty." She looked away. "I was just so jealous."
"Jan, if you were
hurting and then we were in your face with it...?"
"No. I didn't."
Chapel nodded. "It's okay. If you need to talk about
this."
"In a
while. Not yet.
I'm too raw." She wiped at
eyes now dry. "I've got to get back
on duty. Don't want the Captain to write
me up." She tried to grin; it came
out barely a smile. "Maybe you'd
use your influence for me?" She
shook her head, as if telling Chapel she didn't expect her to answer that.
Chapel smiled as gently as
she could, then stood up. "I'll see you later."
------------------------------
Kirk watched as the Curie
established orbit around Foremis V. "This has been scintillating, hasn't
it, Hikaru?"
Sulu looked back at him and
grinned. "One
for the books, sir."
Getting up, Kirk walked up to
stand next to him. "What I wouldn't
give for a bird-of-prey to show up."
Sulu laughed.
Pitching his voice very low,
Kirk said, "I wanted to thank you, by the way."
"Sir?"
Meeting Sulu's eyes, he said,
"Chris. You've been good to
her."
Sulu shrugged, and his grin was
his normal sunny expression. Kirk could
feel himself relaxing just looking at it.
"I just wanted to say
that." He started to head back for
his seat, but Sulu touched him on the arm.
"It's not hard to be
good to her. Or to
you, sir. I have no stake in
this. Other than
wanting to see my friends happy."
Kirk laughed softly. "If only everyone felt like you
do." He resisted turning around to
see if Spock was looking at him. Could practically feel the Vulcan's eyes on him. If Chris thought Spock was making her crazy,
she should try being in his shoes.
His comm signaled on his
chair, and he sat, hitting the button. "Kirk, here."
"It's Chapel, sir."
He smiled. "Doctor. What can I do for you?"
"I just wanted to
commend you on your logistics services.
I got a thank you call from someone for a new ladder."
He laughed. "I didn't figure we'd be back home any time soon.
Thought a new one was in order."
"Well, you've got a huge
fan now. Chapel
out."
He smiled. It was unlike her to use the comm channel
like that. But he liked that she
had. He could hear Spock shifting behind
him as if in some discomfort--like he had never used the comm channel upon
occasion for non-official business?
He turned to look at Spock, caught him staring.
"Problem?"
"No,
sir."
Kirk laughed, he couldn't
help it. The look on Spock's face was
so...put out. "Remember that time
on Canala Prime?" Spock had really pushed the comms policy to the limit on that landing party.
Spock looked down, nodding
slowly. "Point taken,
Jim."
Kirk got up and walked over
to the science station. Laying a hand on
Spock's shoulder, he leaned down.
"Those are happy memories, Spock.
There just memories now, but they're not something I'll forget. Or that I wish would go away."
"And the
unhappy memories? Are they so easily accepted?" Spock's voice was pitched very low.
"How do we know we're
happy if we've never been unhappy?"
Kirk smiled, knew that the expression probably came off a bit sad.
"Indeed." Spock touched his hand briefly, then went back to work.
Kirk let go of him and went back to his chair.
The Curie still hung in
orbit, the most boring non-target in the world.
What had Nogura been thinking?
Then Kirk smiled. He was bored...on the
His ship. He had his
ship back. Maybe someday that thought
wouldn't thrill him.
But he wasn't going to hold
his breath.
--------------------
Chapel heard the door to her
quarters open and put her padd down. As
Kirk came into her bedroom, she smiled at him.
"Hi."
"Hi,
yourself." He picked up the padd and sat down on the
bed. "More light
reading?" His grin was gently
teasing. "I wish you'd give up
these torrid romances and try something more thought provoking. I mean"--he checked the title of the
abstract she'd been reading--"'Duranium
Applications in Prosthetics'? How
lightweight can you get?"
She laughed as she pulled him
down to her. "What can I say? I love reading the smutty stuff."
"You love doing the
smutty stuff." He studied her for a
moment. "This is different."
She nodded. "I know.
Nothing's wrong." She kissed
his face with short, gentle touches, her lips barely landing on his skin before
she moved on. "I'm damned lucky to
have you."
"Well, I'm glad that you
realize that." He laughed as he
tried to turn to kiss her, but she held him in place, nuzzling her way up to
his ear.
"And you're damned lucky
to have me," she whispered.
"I am," he agreed,
again trying to turn, then groaning as she refused to
let him kiss her, as she kept nibbling his ear.
"I'm tired of all the
problems. I just want to be happy. With you." She finally let him turn. "I love you."
He studied her for a long
moment before leaning in for a long kiss.
When he pulled away, he was frowning slightly. "What happened?"
"Nothing happened. Why do you think something happened?"
"Because
I'm not used to this new, defiantly happy Chris. And I'm wondering
if she's come out to play because someone pushed her too far?"
She shook her head. "Sometimes you have a day when you just
realize that you have it good. That the problems and the issues don't matter. I love you, and you love me. And we're happy. Why shouldn't I enjoy that?"
He took a deep breath. "Don't take this the wrong way,
Chris. But it's sort of out of
character." He leaned back, pulled
her in close to him. "Not that I
mind."
He seemed content to just
hold her so she relaxed against him, her hand drawing nonsense patterns across
the front of his uniform. "Am I
that neurotic?" she asked quietly.
"Yes," he said,
looking over at her with a grin.
"And this is a definite improvement over you nearly running away
from me every time I turn around."
He kissed her forehead gently.
"I talked to McCoy today."
"Me
too." She smiled.
"I don't think he'll be a problem.
But we need to be better about including him. And not just in landing parties. He's our friend, and we've been neglecting
him."
"Yeah, I got that
feeling from him too." He was quiet
for a moment so she kissed him, a long tender kiss that made her feel sort of
squishy inside.
She watched as Kirk's
expression changed from a happy post-kiss one to something slightly annoyed. "You know, he was the one who couldn't
get away from me fast enough when I accepted promotion, Chris. He made it clear how stupid a choice he
thought I was making, and wasn't what you'd call supportive. So it's a bit hard to feel like I am totally
at fault here."
"I know." She kissed him again, this time on the cheek,
letting her lips linger on his skin.
"I mean he--"
She touched his lips with her
finger, a grin starting, a grin she knew was a lot
like his own. "I said, I
know."
"I'm working on a good
rant here."
"Oh." She pulled her fingers away, laughing. "Then by all means, don't let me stop
you."
He laughed too, pulled her
close and just held her, rant apparently forgotten.
She said softly, "I know
we've been neglecting him and our other friends. But I'm not sure I really want to leave our
quarters. They're warm and safe--" Damn. She hadn't meant to use that word.
He sighed. "Who was it this time?"
"No
one."
She tried not to tense in his
arms, knew she failed when he pushed her away and sat up.
"If it's
She touched him on the
arm. "It's not Janice. It's not anyone." She looked down. "Well, that's not true. It's me."
"You?"
She nodded. "I'm just not used to a relationship
being this good, Jim. And I'm
afraid. So it's safer staying in here
where it doesn't seem fragile, and I don't seem so screwed up."
"For the record, I don't
think you're screwed up." He
stroked her cheek. "Neurotic
as hell, yes."
"But not screwed
up?" She closed her eyes as he
rubbed her neck, couldn't keep a small moan from escaping her lips. "I think I am though."
She could feel his lips on
her cheek, mimicking the way she'd kissed him earlier.
"No, you're not,
Chris. You're hurting from old
relationships, maybe still from what we put each other through back on Earth,
and now how our friends are reacting.
And you're confused and inexperienced in relationships--good ones
anyway." He held her tightly, his
hand running down her back. "And I
think this situation is custom made to play on every
insecurity you have."
"Don't you have any insecurities?"
He was very quiet for a
moment. Then he whispered. "You know what Spock's leaving did to
me. What do you think my insecurities
might be?" His
hold on her tightened. "Every
time I turn around you're trying to run away.
I can't stand that. Call me
crazy, but I'd like to think the person I'm with is going to stick around for a
while, is going to be there through the good times and the bad."
"I'm sorry." She pulled away enough that she could see his
face. "I never considered
that."
He nodded shortly, as if to
acknowledge that he didn't doubt she had not given it a thought.
"I mean...you're James
T. Kirk. T for Tomcat. Rogue of the galaxy. Renowned ladies' and, uh,
man's man." She grinned and
was relieved to see him smile too.
"You're not allowed to have insecurities."
"I'm not,
huh?" He let her go, began to undo
the belt on her robe.
She shook her head. "You're not." They stared at each other for a long time, then she said softly.
"Except with me."
He brushed her robe from her
shoulders, following its progress with his lips. She tried to undo his uniform, but he stopped
her. "Lie still," he said, as
he knelt before her, opening her legs.
She tried to reach for him,
then gave up as all thought fled in the face of the sensations he was
evoking. "Jim," she
moaned.
He reached up, took her hand
in his and squeezed tightly. She began
to buck under him and soon was crying out loudly. When she finally opened her eyes, he was
looking up at her with a pleased, and very proprietary, grin.
"Doctor, you need to
learn to let go," he said as he shrugged off his uniform. "You're too inhibited."
She nodded, still coming down
from the place he had sent her.
"Make some noise. Show some enthusiasm." His grin grew larger as she beckoned him
closer with an inviting finger, her expression as come hither as she could make
it. "Let me know you want me."
She slid down a bit until she
could reach him. Holding him firmly, she
slid her hand up and down. "Would
this be a good way to show you that I want you?"
"That's a good way to
start." His eyes closed as he threw
back his head and groaned at what she was doing to him. "Oh, god. That's a great way to start."
Then he looked down at her,
and their eyes met, and she was suddenly overwhelmed by him and what he wanted
from her and what she wanted from him.
She let go of him, grabbed his hand, and pulled him down to the bed, into
position, then into her.
He was watching her carefully
the whole time, even as he gave himself up to her and buried himself in her
body. "Chris?"
She just shook her head, then
kissed him deeply as she pressed upward, pushing against him to urge him to
move faster and harder, to make their connection complete.
"Chris." Her name turned into a moan as he moved over
and over, finally giving a loud cry of release.
He collapsed onto her, her legs holding him captive, her arms not
letting him slide away.
"I love you so
much," she whispered, pulling him closer even as she felt part of him
slipping away from her. She didn't
realize she was crying until he wiped a tear from her cheek. "I'm sorry, I don't know why--"
"--Shhh." His lips on
hers stopped any further apology. The
kiss was sweet and tender, full of the promise of security and love and all the
things she'd never really known.
"I'm no good at
this," she mumbled.
His smile was incredibly
tender. "I'd disagree with that
assessment." He wiped another tear
away. "When she was good, she was
very, very good."
She thought of the old
nursery rhyme, finished the thought.
"And when she was bad, she was horrid?"
He shook his head. "Let's agree you won't be. Neither of us will be." He kissed her again. "This is good, what we have. I love what we have."
She let him roll off her,
curled into his arms and said, "I love it too. I love you." She wondered if she would ever get tired of
saying it.
"I love you
too." He kissed her on the
forehead, his arms tightening around her.
She knew she'd never get
tired of hearing it.
"I'm happy," he
whispered to her. "Do you know that
a few months ago, I thought I'd never be happy again?" He kissed her cheek. "I'd lost you, the ship, my friends. I was at
rock bottom. And now...I've got it all
back. And I'm happy."
She pulled away enough so
that she could see his face. He was grinning that grin that she could never resist. It only grew bigger as she began to smile
too.
"You're a huge part of
that, Chris. I'm happy because we're
happy together," he said, and for once it didn't sound like a dare to the
fates, just a simple statement of fact.
"I'm happy
too." She smiled. It was such an odd thing to feel strange
admitting to. But happiness had always
been something for other people. She'd
always felt lucky to find contentment, had never chased after more.
Or at least
not until she'd fallen in love with James T. Kirk.
"Go to sleep," he
said, pulling her back to rest against him.
"Thank you for thinking
of my mom," she murmured.
"I didn't want you to
worry. And I started to worry. About her and..." He sighed.
"I called my mom. It wasn't
a very good conversation."
"I'm sorry."
"I'll call your mom next
time." He laughed. "I think it would be more fun."
"Well, she's definitely
a dues paying member of the 'I love Jim' club."
"Which is how it should
be," he said, barely containing a yawn.
"Go to sleep,
love," she said, still finding it wonderful that she could call him
that. Would it ever get old? Would it ever not be true?
"Love," he
murmured, his breathing changing slowly over to that of sleep.
She lay awake for quite a
while, watching the stars go by as the ship rotated slowly above the Curie,
listening to him breathe, feeling his heart beating solidly under her
palm.
Then she closed her eyes and
drifted off too.
FIN