DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the
property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The
story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c)
2017 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.
After Effects
By
Djinn
"So,"
Chapel said as Spock rolled off her, breathing hard. "When do you think
you're going to get sick of me?"
He
turned so he was facing her and gently wiped the sweat from her forehead. "Do
you want me to grow tired of you?"
"No,
but I don't want you to get bored of doing...this." She laughed and
captured his hand with hers, pulling it down and down and...
Holy
shit, the man was good at this.
"Surely
you can ascertain that I am far from bored."
"I
agree. You're not bored at this moment." He didn't stop what he was doing
and she gave up trying to form sentences.
But
when her breathing went back to normal, he actually frowned as he said, "I
am concerned that you think I will cease wanting this."
"It's
more me I'm afraid you'll cease wanting. No guy ever quits wanting sex."
"Have
I done something to give you the impression I am tired of you?"
"No,
but I let you into my bed—"
"We
are in my bed."
"You
know what I mean. We began a sexual relationship when you were compromised. After the meld with V'ger. It
was...unethical."
"To
be fair to your ethics, I have expressed interest in you in the past."
"Yes,
when you were also compromised, that time by Pon Farr
hormones."
He
studied her. "This is not the same thing."
"But
it's the basis of your argument—that you've expressed interest."
His
lips ticked up; she amused him way more than she thought she would. "True."
He nestled in. "I am happy. You are happy when you allow yourself to be. Soon
I will not use the word 'happy' and will revert to something suitably Vulcan
such as 'content.' But the sentiment will remain. I enjoy you. In or out of our
beds." He sighed in a way that did sound pretty damn happy.
But
she'd given him a bunch of orgasms and he'd reciprocated. What guy wouldn't be
happy?
"Christine,
go to sleep." He snaked his arm over her.
"I
have to pee. Why do Vulcans never have to pee?"
"Desert
climate. Conservation of hydration."
"Well
let me up because I wasn't born in a desert."
He
let her up and pulled the pillow she'd been resting on closer, as if he wanted
her scent near him the short time she'd be in the head.
"Don't
get that all sweaty." She shot him a mock glare.
But
Vulcans didn't sweat much either. Same principle, no doubt.
He didn't even bother to answer her, just welcomed her back to the bed once she
was done and pulled her in close. "I care for you."
"You
can't be certain of that. I ran your numbers today, remember? Everything's still out of whack from the meld with
V'ger." But much less so than they had been.
"I
am unconcerned."
"I'm
not."
"Christine,
please go to sleep." He kissed the side of her neck, his lips lingering in
the way she liked.
"Not
fair."
"Eminently
practical, though." He relaxed against her and was out in mere moments.
She
thought she'd be awake, obsessing over this, but he'd pulled out all the stops
and her body was worn out even if her mind wasn't. When she woke, he was curled
around her, his hair mussed, snoring softly.
A
girl could get used to this.
##
She
ran into Len as she was leaving Spock's quarters.
"Christine?
A word?" He sounded cranky. And she didn't like the look in his eyes—the
one that prefaced a soaking in acid-laced sarcasm.
"Here?"
"My
office. When you"—he glanced down the hall, toward her
quarters—"do whatever you do to get ready after...that." He waved
toward Spock's door and didn't try to hide his disapproval.
The
corridor was empty so she moved closer to him, pitching her voice low enough
she didn't think Spock would hear her. "Let's just do it now."
"When
you reek of his incense? He's compromised, Christine. What part of that doesn't
compute?" He took a deep breath. "I could write you up."
She
tried to dial back the anger. Tried to see her former boss—her...friend. Was
he, though? Had he ever really been? With his constant teasing—or even
taunting—about Spock. Was that what a friend would do?
She
tried not to see the man who'd been yanked out of retirement and put in her
slot, in charge of the sickbay she'd helped Will
design.
The
man who'd come into her sickbay and the
first thing he'd done was give her shit for not being
a nurse anymore.
"You
know what, Doctor." She moved closer and stood straighter. "You do
whatever the fuck you think best."
"Christine,
come on. I'm trying to reason with you. He's..."
"He's
what? Going to wake up someday and be over me. Yeah, he might be. But that
happens in relationships. With or without compromise." It sort of killed
her that she was talking as if she'd never broached this with Spock, as if this
wasn't a concern for her—that she was crossing an ethical line.
But
Len, coming in with his scorched-earth approach to colleague
counseling—hell, she didn't think he even thought she was a colleague. Just a nurse with a new degree.
And
she'd already had as many degrees as he did when she was a nurse.
"I
just think you should have waited."
She
let out a bark of laughter, the kind that was so full of bitterness that it
ripped and tore. "Oh, like you did, when you thought you were dying? You moved
in with a woman you'd known for what? A day? A few hours?"
She
looked down—why the hell was she bringing this up now? Who the fuck cared
if he married a hundred alien priestesses—and let them put behavior mod
tech in his goddamned body.
She
held back a shudder. The idea of the tech reminded her of Roger in a way.
She
realized Len was talking. "What?"
"I
asked you what the hell Natira had to do with
Spock?"
"Actually
very little. Since I've known him a long time and he has evidenced interest even if you prefer to act as if I'm wasting
my time chasing him. I never chased him."
"Right.
Because making him soup in no way equals chasing."
"I
made everyone soup. It was my goddamn job—or so you told me when you
decided my bedside manner was the cat's miaow. I even
made you fucking soup when you were ill." He'd never returned the favor
when she was sick.
"The
soup you brought me didn't come with a promise of sex."
"Neither
did his."
"Didn't
stop you from..." He stopped and shook his head.
"Didn't
stop me from what? Do you think I slept with him back then—when he was
going through that?" She studied him, the tight purse of his lips, the way
his eyebrows met over his eyes in the scowl she particularly hated. "I
wouldn't have. He really was compromised. Far more than now."
"So
you admit he is."
"Fine,
yes, his chems are off. But he's fine."
"Or
he's just horny and you're the nearest port in the storm."
"Why
are you always so mean?"
"Why
do you always look to him?"
She
frowned. It wasn't the answer she expected. "Are you jealous?"
"And
if I was? What difference would it make? He's all you see." He shook his
head. "Obviously, I'm not completely objective in this. So we'll
compromise. I won't write you up for taking advantage of your patient, and you
will cease to treat him until he's back to Vulcan normal."
"Fine."
"Fine."
He shook his head. "I hope to God you know what you're doing."
"That's
a nice sentiment, but I don't believe that's what you hope. I think you hope we'll
crash and burn spectacularly."
"You
think whatever you want, Doctor. I suggest you go get ready. Shift started five
minutes ago."
"One
more thing you can write me up for." As he turned, she added, "In my sickbay."
He
stopped and seemed to take a deep breath. "We'll save that topic for some
other day." Then he walked away, leaving her shaking.
Spock's
door opened and he frowned slightly as he took her in, then leaned out to watch
Len entering the turbolift. "I heard all of that."
"Bully
for you."
He
gently drew her into his quarters and let the door close.
"Spock,
no, I'll be late."
"You
are already late; you will merely be later. You are shaking."
"Because
I'm livid." She made a face. "No one else heard us, did they? It's
your super-duper Vulcan hearing that let you hear us?"
"No
one else heard you." He cupped her cheek with her palm.
"He
just made me so mad. Not approving of us."
"It
was my impression that only a small percentage of what you were fighting over
had to do with me." He lifted an eyebrow.
"Meaning
what?"
"I
believe the two of you have unresolved issues."
"Yeah,
Spock, he stole my job." She leaned against the wall and sighed heavily.
"Are
you sure that is all it is?"
"Don't.
Don't even." She held up her hand. "I have to get to work. And so do
you." She frowned. "You're late and you don't even care. You really
are compromised, Spock. What are we doing?"
He
pulled her in and kissed her. "We will figure that out in time."
She
eased away. "I hope so."
##
She
waited until the end of the shift to face Len down, knocking on the doorframe
to his office, expecting the stern look he was capable of putting on before a
major dressing down, but instead he just waved her in, told her to put the door
on privacy, and reached for his bourbon and two glasses.
She
saw it was his favorite and sat down without launching into him the way she'd
planned.
"I
may have overreached," he said as he handed her a glass. His eyes weren't
firing bullets like earlier, his energy was easy—the McCoy she loved to
work with. The one she counted as her friend.
"He
is compromised." It wasn't what she'd intended to lead with but it was out,
so she let it hang and occupied herself with enjoying his very good whiskey.
He
held his glass up and she clinked hers against it, not sure what they were toasting.
Maybe honesty?
"Christine,
I'm sorry about your reassignment—I hope you know I never intended for
this to happen. I was retired...I thought I was retired anyway. Not the same
thing, apparently."
"It's
not just that you took it, Len. It's that you never said a thing about it. Just...moved
in. To quarters I had to move out of during my off time. With no help from
you."
"That
why we have a quartermasters unit."
"It's
been so long since you lived below decks—hell, maybe you never did, I
don't know. It wasn't that long ago that I did. Do you understand how much the staff in that unit know? How much they tell the lower
decks?"
"Seriously?"
"Yes.
I was damned if it would be spread all over that I was having to move my
shit." Her friends had helped her. Thank God the furniture stayed with the
rooms. She'd just had to move her personal stuff. Which she had a lot of. She'd planned to make this a long assignment.
He
looked uncomfortable.
"You
didn't even say anything when the CMO's office was suddenly vacant. Two of the
nurses helped me. We didn't say a goddamn thing to each other as we did it. Just
got my shit out as fast as we could."
"Which
two?"
"No
way. They're mine. They'll always be loyal to me first."
"And
that matters to you, doesn't it?" He sighed. "What the hell was I
supposed to say that wouldn't make things worse? Jim just blew up your
life."
"It
wasn't just him. He could commandeer you for an emergency like V'ger, but you chose to stay on."
He
started to say something and she said, "No, I don't care if you were bored
in Savannah. This is on you."
"I
wasn't bored in Savannah."
"Well,
I wouldn't know, would I? We were both on Earth but you never got in
contact."
"That
works both ways, toots. Are you trying to say you wanted me to look you up? Because
being suddenly attractive once your unrequited love decides to go home to
become a fucking automaton is not exactly an esteem booster."
She
knew he'd phrased it that way on purpose. She'd told him about Roger's true
fate because she'd thought she could trust him—never expected to have it
turned back on her. "That was low."
He
had the grace to look like he agreed, but he just threw back his drink and
poured another.
"Look,
I never said I wanted you to look me up for a date, Len. But...would it have
killed you to comm me? To check on me?"
"Would
it have killed you to comm me? I wasn't the one with
a life still." He closed his eyes as if angry he'd said that.
"So
you were bored in Savannah."
"Fine,
I was."
She
finished her glass and pushed it toward him. "Fill 'er
up, Doc."
He
did and as she reached for it, he touched her fingers, rubbing gently. "You
shouldn't be with Spock."
"And
you're my boss. You shouldn't be fondling my fingers."
He
didn't jerk them back—he had balls, she'd never doubted that. And he
didn't play the card she expected: the "you were engaged to your
boss" argument. "Spock's not himself."
"Maybe
not. But for now, he's mine. Please, Len. Please don't take that away." She
let the other stuff dangle unsaid but knew he'd hear it: don't take Spock away like
he'd taken her job—her future.
"Fine,
but if Jim asks me I'll have to—"
"He
knows. Spock told him."
He
looked honestly surprised. "Oh."
"Unless
he told you to talk to me about it, he's fine with it. Or not objecting."
"He
didn't tell me to talk to you." He leaned back. "He's...distant."
"I
take it you didn't look him up either when you were in Savannah."
His
nod was grudging and bitchy all at once. "I told him not to take that job.
It drove him nuts just like I said it would."
"And
that's just what he'd want you—his friend—to do. Stay home and pat yourself
on the back for being right about his misery instead of reaching out."
His
eyes narrowed. "How much time did you spend with him?"
"Not
a whole lot. I was too busy hanging out with his protŽgŽ. You remember him. Went
by Will Decker. Captain, before the return of the trinity."
"Were
you sleeping with Decker?"
She
laughed. She knew people thought that. "Nope. Just took him soup at the
right time."
He
looked confused.
"After
his dad died. I thought, given how I'd lost Roger, that
we might have something in common. I just went to say I was sorry. We...I don't
know—clicked I guess is the best way to put it." They'd both been in
love with aliens. That had been a big shared bond. Even
if Will had left his and hers had never been hers to
begin with.
And
probably shouldn't be now. Might not be if the man in front of her didn't let
this go.
Len
leaned back, sighing heavily, and she realized he'd been holding himself
tightly around her. "You think I don't feel shitty for taking your job? Because I do. But...I was just treading water at home. I was
so unhappy."
"Couldn't
you be happy on a different ship?" But she knew the answer to that. Kirk
wouldn't let that happen. "Question withdrawn."
"I'm
sorry, Christine. I'm sorry I didn't...reach out when you were having to move quarters and offices. I felt guilty. But...happy, too. And it was just easier to pretend it
wasn't my problem than admit I was benefitting from your bad luck."
She
nodded and stood. "Spock's expecting me for
dinner." She waited.
"Enjoy
yourself." It was said somewhat grudgingly and he didn't meet her eyes,
but she knew from their years together that it was how he conceded something so
emotionally laden.
"Thank
you." She resisted adding "I will." Sometimes
she could actually stop while she was ahead.
##
Chapel
was working on reports—she hadn't realized how many M'Benga
must have filled out—when she heard a soft cough at her door. She was
shocked to see the lead doctor for beta shift in the doorway and glanced at her
chrono. Shit, she'd been at this for hours.
"Got
a sec?"
"Sure,
Stell. Come on in."
"I
need a second opinion from my chief." Stella Pierce smiled in a way Chapel
knew was meant to be full of solidarity and support.
She
took the padd and glanced at it. "McCoy's still here, right?"
"Yeah."
The
thing Stella wanted a second look at was actually something the CMO should know
about. Had he not been there, Chapel would have handled it, but things were
weird enough without her looking as if she didn't know when to take a step
back. "You need to show this to him." She handed the padd back.
"Well,
if we wait a minute or two, I'm sure he'll be gone and then you can handle
it."
Chapel
hit the button under her desk that turned privacy on—a nice upgrade and
one she'd designed into the refit plans after getting sick of having to get up
to shut the door once it was clear something wasn't going to be a door-open
conversation with a patient. The door slid shut, the windows darkened.
"Don't
lecture me, Christine. I took this slot to work for you, not some good old boy
from Georgia." She did a creditable imitation of Len when he was really milking
the accent.
"That's
not all he is. He's a fine doctor and he'll be a good boss. Besides, you're the
head of beta. You barely see him other than nights like this."
"He's
in that office more than you might think, kiddo." Stella sat back. "Do
you know what he said to me about you when we were introduced after V'ger? 'Why, Christine and I go way back. She was my head
nurse, don't you know?'"
"He
did not say 'don't you know.'"
"Okay,
that part he didn't say. But the rest. Like...you
weren't a doctor when he knew you. It ticked me off."
"Actually
I was a doctor—of biochem. And I was his head
nurse. It's not a lie."
"Why
are you defending him? He took your job." She closed her eyes. "Hell,
he sort of took mine. I was hoping D'Angelo wouldn't
work out and I could move up to be your deputy. I know you didn't pick him—Decker
did, right?"
She
nodded. "Another casualty of the Kirk coup. He found a new ship. Maybe you
should, too."
"Maybe
you should. Jesus, Christine, didn't you tell me when we talked about this
assignment that you weren't ever going to throw your career away again for a
man? And here you are doing it because you're making like a bunny with the
Vulcan half of Heroes of the Galaxy and Beyond. I get
he's dark and mysterious and smart and, well, famous as hell. But you
said—"
"I
said a lot of things. I didn't know he was an option, to be honest, or I might
not have said that. I've liked him for a long time, Stell.
It's not like I just met him and boom."
Stella
rolled her eyes. "But you could be CMO on another ship."
"Are
you aware a lot of people believe I slept my way to this one? I think I need to
hunker down and prove I'm a good deputy CMO for a captain no one thinks I'm having
sex with before I start perusing the vacancies."
"I
know you weren't sleeping with him. Decker was a smart guy. He would never have
given someone who might be mad at him for leaving the seat up the authority to
relieve him of command."
Chapel
smiled. "You're probably right. Although that's not one of the approved
reasons for relieving someone." She gestured to the padd. "Go give
that to McCoy. Give him a chance. For me, all right? I don't want him to think
I'm dividing loyalties." Even if she still hadn't told him which of the
nurses were the ones who'd helped her move her stuff into this smaller office.
She
hit the door button and Stella got up. She peeked around and made a face that
obviously meant Len was still in his office. "Fine. For you."
Chapel
waited till she heard her say, "Hi, Doctor McCoy. Do you have a moment? I
need to run something by you." And then Len's tones, mercifully not overly
loaded up with Georgia good old boy, telling her to come in and sit down.
Stella
was just being hard on him. He had a soothing accent most of the time.
Chapel
smiled and went back to the reports from hell.
##
"Christine,"
Kirk said as he slipped in next to her at the bar. "Do you mind if I steal
your beau?"
"Depends
on how long you're going to keep him, Captain." She smiled and he grinned
back.
"Chess,
Doctor." He winked. "And for God's sake, call me Jim. You're with one
of my best friends."
Spock
was safely over talking to Scotty and Sulu, so she leaned in and asked softly,
"Are you okay with that?"
He
leaned in even closer. "Have you been listening to the rumor mill again? I
am not involved with my first officer." He started to laugh.
"No,
I mean—he was kind of, well, ummm...compromised
when we started this relationship?"
"Nothing
compromised about his chess game. Or his job performance.
Way I see it, you've liked him forever and I've always suspected he was not
unaware of you. So...it's nice, right?"
"It
is nice, sir."
"Jim."
"Jim.
It's nice, Jim." She took a deep breath. "I love him."
"Good.
I'd hate to think you were just using him for the sex." With a last grin,
he took his drink and went over to Spock and the others. A short while later,
he and Spock found a table and set up the chess board.
"Bet
that'll get old in time." Len slid in next to her and slapped the table. "Bourbon,
my good man, and make sure it's good Kentucky straight. None of this synthehol crap."
She
rolled her eyes.
"What?
Do you like synthetic wine? No. But you look at me like I'm some fussy old
grandma wanting my bourbon authentic."
"You're
fussy and old but not a grandma." She batted her eyelashes at him until he
started to laugh.
"Cut
that out. You'll give a fussy old man the wrong idea, woman." He looked
back over at Spock and Kirk.
"I
don't think it's going to get as old for me as it has for you," she
murmured.
He
didn't turn to look at her.
"Being
left out can hurt."
"Well,
then it's damned lucky that you're here so I'm not alone, isn't it?" He
waved the bartender over to refill her wine. "So, tell me the story on
Pierce."
"I
worked with Stella when I was doing my residency at Starfleet Medical. She
was...just old enough to be a mentor but young enough to understand what I was
going through."
"And
now you're her boss?"
"Yeah,
well, I asked her to come."
"Ahhhhh. A loyal recruit. That
explains a lot." He leaned in letting his shoulder rest against hers. "She
doesn't like me."
"She
doesn't know you. If anything, she probably resents you on my behalf."
"How
many are there like that in sickbay? I never know who's here because you hand-picked
them and who's here because it's the Enterprise."
She
rolled her eyes. "You have access to every personnel file. Do your own digging,
boss."
"More
fun to just ask you. See you squirm."
"Not
squirming."
"You
never did, Christine. It's why I loved working with you."
She
studied him; he seemed to honestly believe that. "You think you never hurt
my feelings?"
"Oh,
pfff, I'm sure I did. But you came back for more and
generally gave as good as you got." He finally met her eyes. "What? You
disagree with that assessment?"
"Kind
of. Yeah. There were times—the things you said about my feelings for
Spock—that really hurt. Like, take it back to your quarters and stew kind
of hurt."
"Wow.
Okay. I'll watch that. Although you're fucking him nightly from what I can
tell." At her look, he shrugged. "I didn't redesign that thing that
pretends to be a wall between his quarters and mine. The old ship was way more
soundproofed."
"Or
Spock just wasn't getting regular sex."
"Or
you're just really loud." He waggled his eyebrows, and she rolled her
eyes. "Yeah, well, whatever the reason, there
sure isn't anything to tease you about now except possibly straining
something."
"Tease.
A problematic word. Sounds so innocent but hurts so
much."
"Would
you call it something different? Bullying?"
"Len,
for shit's sake. You started this convo, not me. Just drink, okay?"
"Would
you call it bullying? Because I never..."
"Teasing
is fine. Whatever." She studied him. "You know the soundproofing is
adjustable, right?" She started to laugh at his look. "I never had
cause to change it. I was going to be living next to Sonak.
I just left it on low."
"It's
adjustable?"
"Yeah,
on the room terminal, under comfort settings. Starfleet realized that different
species had different requirements—they enlarged the range of
soundproofing. You can hear just a heartbeat if you want—that's crucial
to Tresalix crew and some other species find it
comforting. Others, like Deltans, like to hear
intimacy, even if they've sworn it off. So fix it. We're not your porn channel."
"Shit.
I've been listening to you caterwaul this whole time."
"I
don't caterwaul."
"You
aren't quiet. I'm just saying." He started to laugh. "Man, do I feel
stupid now."
She
saw Rand come in and waved her over. "Well here's some company to make you
feel less so. Behave yourself."
"Yes,
mother." He held his glass up as Jan walked up. "Janice, my dove, you
look as radiant as a Georgia sunrise."
"How
much has he had to drink?" Rand made the motion that meant "beer and
make it snappy" and the bartender hurried over with it.
"Hi,
Janice." He was practically drooling in the bottle and stood just staring
after handing it over.
"Hi,
Kurt. I'm with my friends now and there are folks trying to get your
attention."
"Right.
Okay. Maybe we can dance later? When I get a break."
She
shrugged and then laughed once he walked off. "Oh, I'd forgotten how good
a big ship could be for a girl's ego."
"The
fact that you ever forgot is a crime, Janice. A damn shame."
"His
southern's coming out. I think he must have gotten
started early." She took a chair on the other side of Chapel.
"Did
you know the soundproofing in our quarters is adjustable?" He was
frowning.
"Yes,
I read the specs for the refits. Didn't you? Who's next to y—ohhhhh. Uh.
Okay, so very awkward." But Chapel gave her points for rallying as she
said in a falsely bright voice, "So who's excited that we're going to the pleasure
planet?" She pointed with her bottle at Len. "I bet you're sorry Barrows
isn't on the ship anymore."
"You
weren't even onboard then." He narrowed his eyes at Chapel. "Did you
tell her?"
"She
did. She was...not happy with your partner choice."
"Jan."
She hadn't been happy, but not because she cared on her own behalf. It was just
Tonya had been so damned annoying, strutting around sickbay in that ridiculous
princess outfit.
"Tell
me more, my dear. Christine plays her cards awfully close to the chest where
IÕm concerned."
"Well,
I sort of wondered why she cared, frankly." Jan was winking at him and
Chapel wanted to bop her. Hard.
"I
don't—didn't care except she was getting glitter all over the instruments
in sickbay. He can call Tonya back from wherever she is now and they can re-experience
the magic that was that planet, for all I care."
"Is
Spock going to...live the fantasy?" Jan made a face and shot Len a
conspiratorial grin.
Chapel
felt her grin fading a little. Spock had made it very clear he had no interest
in role-playing down on the "imagine it and you can be it" planet. "We're
staying on the ship."
"Of
course you are." Jan rolled her eyes.
Len
laughed. "Are you not a fan of Mister Tall, Dark and Vulcan, my dearest? Because
I thought a lot of you before, but if that's the case, I'm going to ratchet my
approval rating way, way up."
Jan
seemed to be thinking how to answer. Finally she said softly, "Once, when
I needed understanding, he offered...something else. I get that Christine loves
him, and the captain thinks the world of him, and that he's smart and capable
and likely to save me a hundred times and I'll probably never know I should
even say thank you. But...I'll always remember that moment."
Chapel
frowned. "What moment?"
"I
never told you. I didn't want to spoil your crush—and, well, it was just him and me. One of those moments you keep replaying, asking
yourself, 'Did I really hear that?'" She took a deep, slightly ragged
breath. "You remember when the captain was split into his dark and light
half?"
Len
frowned and said, "He attacked you. The dark side of him."
"Yeah.
But attacked is such a safe word. A bear attacks you. A swarm of bees attacks
you. A man...a man tries to—he tried to rape me."
"Jan,
you never said. I thought he was just violent... You know. Mean. Not...not
that."
"Yeah,
well, I never hid how much I wanted him. Apparently, the dark part of his
nature was getting the message loud and clear and decided to take me up on what
I wanted—only I didn't want it the way he wanted it. Dark, I mean. Only
dark."
"But
what did Spock do that hurt you?" Chapel was feeling very off balance.
"When
it was all over, after I...talked to the captain so we were, you know, okay
with what had happened, Spock asked me if I didn't think that the imposter had
some 'interesting qualities.' But it wasn't just that he said it, it was how he
said it. With a leer. Like...that was fun for me."
Chapel
wasn't sure how to respond, but Len leaned in and said, "That was a shitty
thing to say."
"Thank
you." She glanced at Chapel. "Cat got your tongue, Christine?"
"I
just...I don't know why he would say something like that. Maybe he didn't
realize how inappropriate it was."
"So
he gets off for a tasteless comment, but I'm a real son of a bitch for teasing you?
I see how it is." Len took a long sip.
"You
did tease her," Jan said, rushing to the rescue apparently.
"Jan,
for God's sake, is nothing I told you going to stay between us?"
"Like
how you told me once you thought your boss was appealing and if you weren't in
love with Spock...?"
"I
was the boss in question, right?" He was laughing.
"Yes.
Only she didn't really say that." Jan rolled her eyes. "See, I can
keep secrets."
Trouble
was, she wasn't keeping one. Chapel had said that. Deep into
a pitcher of the local version of margaritas with Jan and Ny on shore leave.
But she'd said it.
"Well,
then no harm, no foul. Come on, Janice. Let's
dance." He slipped off the stool, held his arm out like a southern
courtier of old, and led Janice off to the dance floor. They talked the entire
time they were dancing.
Chapel
ordered another drink and prayed to whatever god protected women with friends
with big mouths that Jan was regaling him with transporter-school stories or
how to adjust his room settings, and not sharing confidences Chapel had let
slip when she was drunk.
##
Nyota
was admiring herself in her mirror.
"New
dress?"
"Yeah.
You like?"
"Very
much. And you look amazing in it. You always have nice things." Chapel
rarely took that much of an interest in clothes, although she was suddenly way
more interested in lingerie than she used to be.
"You
know, just because Spock isn't coming down to the planet, doesn't mean you
don't get to. Join the gang. No silly sex fantasies. We're going to eat our way
across the Federation—the food is amazing and it's like you're really
there—and there's always a table waiting."
"It's
okay. Someone's gotta man the fort."
"Doesn't
have to be you." Ny pouted.
"Don't.
Maybe I just want to stay up here and have sex with Spock in places that
normally we couldn't."
"You
stay off my station, you nasty girl." She grinned. "But okay. That
makes it better."
Chapel
laughed. "Is Len going to be with you?"
"No,
he's staying up here, too. That's why you don't have to."
"He
said he was going."
"Maybe
without the lovely Tonya"—Ny curtsied and did a creditable Barrows
simper—"it's just not the same."
"Maybe
so." She touched Ny's shoulder gently. "Have
fun. Let loose."
"You
too. Only not on my station."
"Message
received, Ny."
She
turned and headed back to sickbay, fighting the steady stream of crew heading
for the transporters. Everyone but a skeleton crew was on liberty. Spock had
the conn and Chapel knew Ny was aware of that. There would be no wild sex until
his replacement arrived, and even then it he wasn't much of an adventurer when
it came to being potentially observed—and truth to tell, neither was she.
Just
one more way they were turning out to be well matched.
Len
looked up from his desk as she walked in. "Nothing for us to do unless
someone stubs their toe."
"Get
a head start on the reports, I guess." She went into her office and sat,
then heard him come in. He lounged in one of her guest chairs, putting his feet
up on her desk. "Make yourself at home, Len."
"I
will. Thanks. So...if you were down there, what would you want to do? I mean it
can be literally anything."
"Yeah,
I remember it from the first time."
"What
did you do?"
"That's
a little personal."
"It
is, isn't it? Answer the question."
"Well,
if you must know, I made my peace with Roger. Said goodbye. And
not like that. Nothing...nasty." She'd done enough with the android
she'd thought was her fiancŽ. She never needed fake-Roger sex again.
"That
was well adjusted of you."
She
nodded and pulled up a report.
"Christine,
no. Talk to me. We're alone here—Nurse Lat'tia
is getting lunch—and it's just us." He crossed his arms behind his
head. "Why so much rancor about Tonya? It wasn't my impression you gave a
rat's ass what I did in my off time."
"Your
impression was correct."
"Was
it, though? Because you seem equally passionate in your dislike of Natira—or my relationship with her anyway."
"Coincidence.
You've had other women. I'm fine with them."
He
took a deep breath and just stared at her, then he slid his legs off her desk
and leaned in. "When you thought I was dying, you were there for me. A
lot."
"We're
friends. Friends do that."
"I've
had occasion, sitting on my lovely porch, to think about those times. How you
said a lot could happen in a year. That I should make the most of it or
something to that effect. Were you offering something I was too dumb to
see?"
She
looked away. "No. And you found Natira. So...even
if I had been..."
"Christine.
It's just you and me here. Tell me the truth."
"Why?"
She hated how helpless she sounded. How frustrated. The way her voice went up
and caught. Why did this matter now, when she was with Spock?
"Because
if you were offering and you said that again to me, I wouldn't be looking for
any alien priestesses."
"Why
are you doing this?" Again the damn catch in her voice, the high pitch. Damn
him. "You say you sat on your porch thinking of this. I was on Earth, too.
Why not ask me then? Why now, when I'm with someone?"
"Because
I hate that you're with him. And not just because it shows an astounding lack
of judgment on your part as a medical professional."
"Don't
even. We've been over this."
"Yes.
We have." He stood. "Tell me, Christine. What would you have done
with a real lover, down there on a planet with no
limits?"
"Well,
it wouldn't have been putting on chiffon and a big pointy hat and pretending to
be a goddamned princess, so I don't think I would've been in the running for
fantasy of a lifetime for you." She stood. "I'm going to take a page
from your book, sir. I'm going to mosey up to the bridge and shoot the shit
with the man in charge."
His
expression changed, grew steely. The way it often did when he lost control of
something.
She
leaned in and made her voice as husky as she could. "Maybe I'll get him to
take a break, my non-real lover as you implied. Maybe I'll have him take me up
against the wall and really put that soundproofing to the test. Maybe I'll have
him fuck me so hard I—"
He
turned and walked out.
She
hurried out before she could act any less professional.
Spock
looked up as she walked off the lift and his expression lightened. "Hello,
Doctor."
Just
seeing him made her feel better, less...irate. "Hello, sir. Thought I'd
see what was so compelling about this place that my boss can't stay away."
He
motioned her close and almost smiled. "I do not believe it is the same
reason you are here."
"I
would hope not. I'm here to see you and only you." She began to grin and
tried to bite it back.
"What?"
"Any
chance we'll have the bridge to ourselves?"
"It
is unlikely." He met her eyes, his expression relaxed, even amused. "Regrettably."
She
grinned. "You hungry? I could get us lunch."
"I
would enjoy that. You know what I like."
"I
do." And the nice thing was that she did.
##
Things
were weird between Len and her for days so she finally went into his office and
hit the privacy button. "We can't keep this up."
"Speak
for yourself. My ex-wife could probably tell you no end of stories about how
long I can be a son of a bitch." He never looked away from his terminal as
he spoke, adding weight to his claim.
She
sighed and sat. "Are we friends?"
He
still didn't look up. "I don't know, Christine."
She
decided to try something that might provoke a reaction. "Do you want to
fuck me?"
He
met her eyes finally. "Yes."
"You
can't. I'm with Spock. Now, put that aside. Are we friends?"
He
seemed to think about it. Finally nodded.
"It
shouldn't require that much thought, Len."
"This
isn't simple anymore. Things...other things touch on this. The job, Jim's
distance, hearing you with Spock—with anyone would bug me, but him..."
"I
don't understand this. We were both on Earth. You could have had me."
"With
no competition. With Spock gone from the picture. Never knowing who you loved more. If you were just
settling. Sounds wonderful, Christine. Sign me
up for that magic-carpet ride."
She
bit back the angry retort she wanted to let loose and took a moment. "Fine,
I can see that. But when I left the ship. Why not then? Before Spock left? I
was free. You were free. It wouldn't have been frequent but you could have commed, could have started something."
He
nodded and shrugged at the same time. The message was as muddy as his
expression.
"Some
guys only want what they can't have. Are you that guy?"
"Maybe."
She
was shocked he answered so quickly—and so honestly. "Ummm, I'm not sure what to do with that."
"Would
you prefer I lie?" He changed his voice, made it high and falsely earnest.
"'No, Christine, that's not me.'"
"It
would have been easier, I think, if you had lied, but it's probably good that
we're being honest." She sighed. "I'm with him. We've got to get past
this."
"I
can bury it." He checked the chrono, made a face
and muttered something about it being five o'clock somewhere, and reached into
his cabinet for the bourbon. "This will help drown it out."
"That's
not moving past it. That's drowning in it."
"I
don't think you get to choose my coping mechanism, Christine. Now, I apologize
for anything I've done to make this uncomfortable. I'll...I'll try to be
better."
"And
I'm sorry for what I said. Taunting you. I'm so sorry."
He
nodded, the angry, tight nod that meant he heard the apology but maybe didn't
want to accept it just yet.
She
stood. "We are friends. We just
need to be gentler with each other."
"Right.
Sounds good." His tone was
condescending—and distracted.
Like she and her suggestion was just an annoyance.
She
closed her eyes and counted slowly to ten. He was trying to piss her off
despite saying he'd be better. She almost felt like calling his ex-wife for
tips. "Okay, I'm going now." She turned the privacy button off and
fled.
##
Earth
was a huge beautiful marble in the viewscreen and
growing bigger by the moment. She stood in Spock's quarters and watched it.
"You
are glad to be home?" He nuzzled her neck for a moment and then went back
to dressing.
"I
am. What do you want to do? You and Jim won't be in meetings the whole time,
right?"
"We
should not be." He turned back to her, pulling her in, pushing her hair
off her face and kissing her tenderly.
"Mmmm, girl could get used to this."
"I
fully intend you to."
She
pulled him back and gave him her best kiss for such a sweet statement.
When
they finally pulled away, he said, "Leonard is having a barbeque. He was
quite adamant that we come to his house for it."
News to her. Since when did he tell Spock and not her? She
made her voice as even as possible and said, "I'm not really a fan of
smoked meats. Didn't your mom want us to come for dinner to the embassy before
they left for Vulcan?"
"Yes,
but I did not want to force family interactions on you when we are so
new."
She
laughed. "I think you probably mean you don't want me to witness you
dealing with your father."
"It
is possible that is exactly what I meant."
"Your
dad likes me. We talked science when he was stuck in sickbay and your mom was
with you."
"He
was not displeased to hear I was with you." He touched her cheek, his
fingers tender. "I am not sure I have ever heard such approval in his
voice."
"You
going to Gol didn't make him happy?"
His
face tightened. "Gol was...an escape, he
thought. A quick detour to control that I had not earned."
"He
said that?"
"In
his way, yes."
"I'm
sorry. I mean I'm not sorry you're not at Gol,
obviously. But I'm sorry he didn't approve of your choices. My dad didn't like
Roger, so I know how that can feel."
"Why
did he not approve?"
"He
disapproved of a teacher getting involved with a student. Roger let him think
he'd made the first move. It would have killed my dad to know his sweet little
girl had been the aggressor in that."
Spock
nodded.
"So
let's go to the embassy. Let's stay there and just get away from work. I can
see the gang in the lounge. I really don't want to spend my liberty with them. Not
if we could have some quality family time—and alone time. Your mom will
let us stay in the same room, won't she?"
"She
has already asked me if I wanted one or two rooms for us when we come to see
them. She did not sound dismayed when I said one."
"She
probably sees it as a huge leap for you. Big romance."
"No
doubt." He kissed her forehead. "If there were another reason you did
not want to spend time with our crewmates, would you tell me?"
"You
said it yourself. Len and I have unresolved issues. Things are still a little
weird—the power dynamics—in sickbay." It wasn't a bald-faced
lie, just a mangling of the truth.
"I
will let my mother know we are coming. She will be...thrilled is no doubt how
she will put it."
"Mmmmm. I love you." That at least was the complete
truth. Being with him was easier than she ever expected.
"And
I you."
##
"You
missed some prime brisket at my barbeque. And peach cobbler, which I seem to
remember you having a fondness for." Len had a look she couldn't read.
"Ny
told me. Sorry, time with the parents. You know how it is." Or he used to,
when he was with someone. Was she being bitchy? She was just trying to avoid a
fight but maybe she was coming off too breezy.
"Yeah,
so Spock said when he said you couldn't come."
"Why
didn't you ask me?" Shit, did she need to go down this road?
"Figured
he'd be the harder one to get to a party. I think I figured wrong, huh?"
She
shrugged in that way he'd perfected—the gesture that could mean just about
anything.
"How
were the parents?" Again, she couldn't tell by his tone if he was actually
interested.
"Good.
Really good. It was nice to be away from
everything."
"Everything
human, anyway."
"Amanda's
human." Actually there were some human staffers at the embassy, too.
"She's
gone native."
Chapel
laughed, thinking about the fancy rum drinks Amanda had made one night when
they'd stayed up late talking. "No, she really hasn't."
"Well,
good that you had fun." He nodded, gave her a smile that almost looked
real, and walked out.
Was
this how things would be from now on? Her trying to read into
his every gesture and tone? Walking on eggshells to avoid setting him
off?
She
hoped to hell not because she really didn't like it.
##
"Reilly,"
Len leaned in. "Son, I know you can hear me. You've got to fight. You've
got to want to live."
She
watched the biobed readings all heading steadily
downward. "Len."
"This
goddamn ship, Christine. How many people is it going to kill?"
She
didn't know what to say. Reilly had been servicing a console when it
short-circuited.
She
heard footsteps, then Scotty's soft burr. "How is he?"
She
shook her head.
"I
set crewman on the main consoles in engineering and other areas. Trying to see
if we could find a systemic problem."
She
turned to look at him. "No?"
"It
appears to have been random."
"Like
the transporters and Sonak?"
He
nodded. He studied Len for a moment, then shot her a
questioning look.
She
just shook her head, and he patted her shoulder then left.
"What
century do we live in, Christine? I should be able to fix this." Len's
voice was strained from sheer frustration—and anger.
"Accidents
still happen. We can't fix everything." It had been a mantra in the
emergency room at Starfleet Medical. One she'd learned to hate more than a
little.
They
stood and waited, and Nurse Fahoub joined them, her
heavy sigh telling Chapel she understood what she was seeing. "I'll get
the antigrav unit." They'd need it to move him
into the morgue attached to sickbay.
Chapel
nodded.
When
the numbers finally flatlined, Chapel handed Len the
padd and he began to make notations for what Jim would tell the family, then
handed her the padd to make any additions as he got to work on getting Reilly
settled for transport.
Fahoub pushed him gently away. "Sir, you and Doctor
Chapel have been working for hours. It's gamma shift. I've got this."
"Thank
you, Rima." He took a deep breath, then turned and headed for his office.
"You're
sure you don't want help?"
"Christine,
you're dead on your feet. Go. And make him go, too." She was already
working the antigrav into position, and Chapel left
her to it.
She
walked to Len's office and he stood, hands in his hair, and finally looked at
her. "Sometimes I hate this goddamned hunk of metal we're trapped
in."
"I
know." She felt like she was dealing with an injured—and possibly
mean—animal. "You're exhausted. Let's go. You need to get to your
quarters and sleep."
"You
going to tuck me in, too, mother?" He sat and reached for the bourbon. The not-so-good one. The one he would drink a lot of.
"No,"
she said, slapping the privacy button before moving around behind him and
pushing the cabinet door closed as she maneuvered him out of the way. "That's
not the way."
He
looked ready to rush past her the minute she gave ground so she moved toward
him instead, blocking his way.
"What
is the way, Christine?"
"Sleep.
Not booze."
"I
can't sleep. I just watched a man die. Can you sleep after that?"
She
didn't want to tell him that yes, she probably could. She'd learned how to when
she was a nurse, and then even more so during her stint in the ER.
"Fine."
He started to sit down so she moved out of the way. With a mean grin, he pushed
his chair back and got his bottle.
"You
can't just drown it out." She moved slowly, taking the bottle from him,
putting it as far away from him as she could. "You need to feel."
"You
like me better when I drown it out." There was something so helpless in
his expression that it made her want to help him, to be tender with him.
"No,"
she said, as she cupped his cheek gently "I actually don't."
"You
want me to feel? Okay." He pulled her, not fast and not with too firm a
grip. He was giving her every chance to get away, and she thought if push came
to shove she was probably the stronger of the two of them.
But
she wasn't fighting him. Not when he pulled her against him, chest to chest. Not
when his arms went around her. Not when his lips touched down and she opened
her mouth to him. Not when his tongue—"
She
jerked away. "Shit. Shit, Len. Shit, shit, shit!"
He
didn't look the least bit sorry. "Either come back here or hand me my
bottle. You started this two-step, Christine. You have to finish it."
"I'm
with Spock."
"So
you say. Your lips may not be entirely convinced of that, however."
"I
was just trying to help you."
He
leaned back on the desk, crossing one ankle over the other, the
model of relaxed. "Kiss me or get my bottle."
"Get
your own fucking bottle." She stormed out, wishing there were a way to
slam a door on this godforsaken ship.
Spock
was still up when she palmed her way into his quarters. He took one look at her
and said, "What is it?"
"We
lost a patient."
"I
am sorry. Which crewman?"
"Reilly.
A console he was servicing short-circuited. Another victim of the refit." She
began to pace, sure that if Spock held her, he'd know what she and Len had just
done.
"Do
you not want comfort?"
She
met his eyes. "How much honesty do you want to have in this
relationship?"
"As
much as you wish."
"No,
not that answer. The safe, 'you decide for me' answer.
Tell me. How much fucking honesty do you want?"
"Perhaps
you should tell me whatever it is you do not want to tell me, and I will decide
if it is too much honesty?" He moved closer. "What is it?"
"Someone
was hurting and I tried to make it better for them—and something happened.
I didn't mean to."
"Did
not mean to comfort them?"
"To
kiss them. Or let them kiss me but sort of...kiss back." She closed her
eyes.
"Are
you referring to Doctor Pierce? She has a way of glaring at me that is slightly
unnerving."
"No,
it's not Stella." She wasn't going to tell him who it was. That it was her
fucking boss, the man she worked with every, single day. His friend—well,
sort of friend. Oh, hell, she had no idea if he and Spock were really friends. They
were both friends of Jim and forced to interact and maybe that was all it
really was? "I pulled away as soon as I realized."
"That
is good. You were simply overcome by the moment, then?"
"Yes.
It was highly emotional." Jesus, what an understatement.
"And
you have no desire to repeat it."
"Of
course not." That was true. Right? Oh, shit, it was true, wasn't it? Len
could spin her head; that was all this was. He was hurting and he struck out
when she disrupted his "get so drunk I don't feel it" plan. That was
all. She didn't want him. Kissing back had been nothing more than a reflex.
"Then
there is no problem." He seemed to be going out of his way not to touch
her.
"You
don't want to know, do you? Not really." She sighed and sat down. "How
much can your telepathic hands tell you?"
"They
can't tell me who it was. They may tell me if you are lying, though—if
you are...interested in this person."
She
turned and reached for him but stopped before she could make contact. "I've
loved you for so long."
He
closed the gap, stroking her hair, his other hand clasping hers firmly. "I
do not need telepathy, Christine. McCoy has a distinctive cologne and while
there is always a trace on you from your days in sickbay, tonight it is much
stronger."
"I
love you." She put her other hand over his, pushing it hard onto her hand.
"Can you feel that? Am I telling the truth?"
"You
are. But is it also not possible that you love him to some extent? I've known
for some time that he loves you."
"What?"
"The
way he treated you—the way he treated me. The...odor of his arousal when
he was around you."
"The
smelling thing is going to get old." She sighed. There were times she
loved the things he could tell from her scent. "Spock, what do I do?"
"Refrain
from kissing him again?"
She
laughed, softly but a real laugh. Then she leaned into him. "May I kiss
you?"
"You
will do more than that."
"Mmmm, am I going to like jealous Spock?"
He
was already taking her clothes off. "I believe you will."
##
She
stepped out of the shower the next morning still tired from the vigil with
Reilly and Spock's rather vigorous exorcising of any guilt she'd had.
He
was what she wanted. This thing with Len... It wasn't real—or healthy.
"If
he continues to...harass you," Spock said as she stepped around him to get
to the sink, apparently reading her mind now without
any contact—although maybe he was just reading her expression? "I
expect you to tell me."
"And
you'll do what?"
"What
any first officer would do when a member of the crew is paying unwanted
attention to a crewmate. I will handle it."
"Through
official channels?"
"If
I must."
She
leaned against him, cool skin to his hotter. "I don't want to take it
there yet. I think...I think this isn't just that."
He
turned, studying her. "What do you mean?"
"How
much do you do with Len? I mean compared to how much you did with him on the
last mission?"
"Admittedly
less."
"Is
that because of you or because of Jim?" She studied him in the mirror. "I've
never been sure if you were Len's friend, or if you are both just friends of
Jim who are stuck with each other."
He
turned to the mirror, meeting her eyes. "Truthfully, I believe it is more
the latter."
She
nodded and started to put her make-up on.
"Do
you think it should be more? I do not find myself inclined to...'pal around'
with him, as my mother might say, given his interest in you."
"I
don't think you're the problem. I don't think I am either, actually. I think
he's angry."
"Doctor
McCoy is often angry." He let an eyebrow go up. "We have both been on
the receiving end of that anger."
"Yes,
we have. You know who doesn't get teased?"
"The
man who is holding him at arms' length?"
"Bingo.
And you know that? That Jim's avoiding him? I'm not close enough to Jim to
tell, except that he was in sickbay a lot more often during our first voyage,
after shift, shooting the shit with Len with a drink."
Spock
nodded.
"He
brought him back. See, that's what I don't get. He brought him back and gave
him my fucking job so why stay away?"
"Are
you looking for logic when resentment is involved?"
"Yeah.
I guess I am."
He
almost smiled. "It is a side to you I find most satisfying." His look
grew more serious. "But may be of little use in this. Jim...Jim resents
Leonard for—" He seemed to be searching for the word.
"For
abandoning him?"
Spock
nodded. "But what I don't understand is why he has forgiven me. I went
much farther in my quest to lose all traces of my old life."
"You
did. But you did it for a reason. You had a goal. And your dual
nature—the constant balancing of that duality—drove you to it,
right?"
"That
is correct."
"As
far as I can tell, Len just stayed away to prove a fucking point. That he'd
told Jim he'd be unhappy if he took the desk job and hey, he was right. I've
given him shit about it. He admits it, but I'm not sure he's willing to talk
about it. I mean not to me, but to Jim."
"You
may well be right. But this is not for us to solve."
"I
know. But I do want to understand. He's the biggest bastard when he's hurting. And
people who are there, who are reaching out, are the ones he swipes at. Like me. That's why I don't want you to do anything
yet." She saw him nod, but there was something in his eye. "Don't go
all 'I am Vulcan and you must not touch my woman,' either."
Again
the almost grin.
"I
do know what you're thinking, Spock."
"That,
too, is an agreeable part of our relationship." He leaned down and she met
him halfway for a sweet, if quick, kiss.
He
was no longer blasŽ about being late for work; a fact that pleased her greatly
because it meant she wasn't taking advantage of a compromised crewman.
##
Len
was in her office as soon as she came in, pushing the privacy button and
saying, "I went too far. I'm sorry. Truly sorry."
And
she could tell by his eyes that he was. But the anger was still there, even if
now it looked like it might be turned on himself for a
while.
Or maybe Jim. Which could actually be healthy if those two
would just sit down and work some shit out.
Couldn't
she convince Spock to lock them in a turbolift and tell them it had
malfunctioned until they talked things out?
She
imagined Spock's reaction to that proposal and abandoned the idea.
"Aren't
you going to say anything? Shit, Christine, have I ruined our friendship?"
He wasn't looking at her and his expression was hard to read.
She
walked around the desk and took the chair next to him. "No, you haven't. Just...don't
do it again, okay? My nurture inclination is stupidly strong sometimes. I
wanted to help you. That's all."
"And
I took advantage of that."
"But
you were hurting."
"So
quick to give me an out. It'll be your downfall, darlin'."
He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, guess that name is off the table now,
huh?"
She
wasn't sure what to say. She used to think he called everyone that, but really
it was only the women he knew well—or wanted something from. She didn't
think he'd ever call Stella that.
"Don't
try to answer. I'll watch it. And I suppose I'll have to tiptoe around Spock
for a while. Don't want him to read it on my face. What's been going on."
She
let out a small laugh. "You think I didn't tell him what happened?"
He
looked honestly surprised.
And
a little pissed.
Jesus,
could he never stop with the mind fucks?
"I'm
learning I can tell him anything, Len. We have that kind of relationship."
"Well,
that's great." He didn't meet her eyes and his tone wasn't where she
wanted it to be.
She
stopped and waited, not rushing in, letting the moment sort of ripen until she
finally said, "It's what I always admired about your friendship with the
captain. The two of you just...spoke your minds."
It
was a non sequitur, but he didn't seem to notice it. Just looked down and said,
"Yeah. That was nice."
"Was?"
He
sighed. "Is. Is, of course."
"I
don't see him down here much." It was a risk, hitting this so head on. But
she wanted to help him and while Spock might think this wasn't their problem to
solve, it sure was one she could get Len thinking more about.
But
by his look she knew she'd miscalculated. "Jim's down here. You're just
too busy with your Vulcan paramour to notice."
"Okay."
She held up her hand. "Okay, sure."
A
thick silence seemed to fall, one that was taking them back to ground she
thought they'd just left behind. "I really do appreciate you coming in
here. I value our relationship. Professional and personal.
I don't want it to grow toxic."
"Right.
Me neither." He watched her walk around the desk, and his eyes narrowed. "If
Spock knows what happened, he technically should bring me up on charges. I
kissed you. It's sexual harassment."
"He
knows I kissed you back. I have a feeling it's what's keeping him from doing
just that."
"You
told him that, too?" His look was incredulous. "That you kissed me
back?"
"Like
I said. We can talk about anything."
"I'll
bear that in mind going forward."
"Please
do." She smiled as gently as she could. "Don't you have a bridge to
mosey on up to? How can I give you crap for never being here if you're
here?"
His
expression changed. And not in a good way.
She
tried to save it. "I mean I know the new bridge isn't as conducive
to..."
"Loitering?"
His look told her to tread carefully.
"Observing
the senior staff in action."
"Do
you think I'm not welcome up there, Christine? All these veiled references to
Jim's and my friendship are a little strange. You've never shown much interest
in that before now."
"I
just think maybe things have changed a little." Jesus, could she not keep
her stupid mouth shut?
The
look on his face darkened. "Hold that thought." He was up and out to
his office, grabbing padds and then coming back in. "I want to talk about
change. I took your advice and did my own research, learned who my staff is. Found
this. Your original duty roster. Interesting thing, originally
the deputy wasn't slated to be on alpha shift." He let an eyebrow go up. "Seems
you argued emergencies don't always happen on alpha shift. Makes a lot of
sense."
She
stared at him, incredulous. She'd made that argument because she hadn't wanted
to spend any more time than was necessary with D'Angelo,
someone Will liked but she detested. Stella had been right that she would have
been looking for a way to get rid of him.
"Nothing
to say? Well, then you won't mind switching shifts." He smiled and put the
padd on the desk. "I'm going to bring Pierce to alpha." His look told
her he knew that he was taking away her ally. "She seems like an ambitious
type. Will appreciate being on the prime shift. You want that for your friend,
right? The exposure?"
He'd
roped her into a corner. Her only argument for why she didn't want to change
shifts was because she wanted to be on the same schedule as her boyfriend. Not
exactly a reason Starfleet Medical would take seriously if she pushed back.
She
swallowed reflexively and his eyes narrowed and lips turned up a little, as if
in triumph. How long had he been waiting to spring this on her? His apology had
seemed sincere—was this a back-up plan in case she told him to take his
"I'm sorry" and stick it up his ass?
Spock
had told her to leave this alone. Why the fuck hadn't she listened to him? If
she hadn't been prying, would Len have done this?
"Well,"
she finally said, desperately trying to pull her professional cloak around her,
"since it was my idea, I can hardly argue. Perhaps you could give Doctor
Pierce the choice of staying as head of beta or switching to alpha in the more
subordinate role? I'll take gamma if she wants to stay in beta."
His
eyes narrowed. As if he was trying to figure out her angle.
"I'm
just looking out for my friend. She's a shift head now. This could look like a
demotion. For one of my
people. Combined with moving me..." She resisted looking up, didn't
want him to see how much she was enjoying it. Did he really think he could fuck
with her on a bureaucratic issue? She'd survived academia while sleeping with
her goddamn professor: this was nothing. "I don't think Jim would want any
kind of...irregular assignments." Complaint-worthy assignments, she was
really saying.
And
when she finally looked up and met his eyes, she could see he understood that.
She
thought she also saw a new respect. Grudging and pissed as hell, but still,
she'd take it.
"You're
right, Doctor. I'll give her the choice." As he stood, he said,
"Sorry if this puts a crimp in your love life, but mission first,
right?"
"Absolutely."
She waited until he was at the door. "And it'll be fine. Spock doesn't
need much sleep."
His
step faltered for a moment. She felt way more pleasure than she should have.
##
Stella
found her in the mess eating a late lunch. She had her padd and slid it across
the table as she sat. "What the fuck? We're switching shifts?"
"This
isn't my doing."
"Yes,
the name on the from line is pretty clear. What is he doing?"
"Sadly,
what I was going to do to D'Angelo. Get him off the
same shift."
"Yeah,
but you didn't like him." She took a deep breath. "Seriously? This is
personal?"
"To
be honest, I'm not sure what it is." She pushed the padd back.
"What
should I do?"
"The
exposure would be really good for you. You need Jim and Spock to get to know
you so they give referrals for your next assignment that sound real, not rote."
Chapel sighed. "But I know how it is to be the head of something, to have
autonomy, even limited, and then have it taken away. If you want to stay in
beta, I'll switch to gamma."
"Which
is better for you?"
"Alpha
is better for me. The other two, either will work fine." She shrugged.
Stella
made a face. "Come on. No one wants Gamma. Especially if they're dating
someone on alpha." She pulled the padd back. "If I switch, will you
give me tips on dealing with McCoy."
Chapel
let out a bark of laughter she didn't mean to. "I don't think you want
that. I've been misstepping, and he has too, since V'ger."
"What's
really going on with you, too? Sometimes I see him watching you in a...fairly
intense way. It's just this side of creepy."
"I
can't go into it."
"You'd
warn me if he was going to do that to me—I mean if that's what he
does."
"It's
not what he does. And if it is, come to me. I have a boyfriend who would love
to make a case out of it." Shit, did she just say that out loud? What the
fuck was wrong with her?
Stella
just grinned and let out a delighted little giggle. "I think I might
actually like Spock."
"Maybe
you'll get to know him." She hadn't been very good about trying to make that
happen. She'd been so focused on Spock and their relationship—and any
other energy was going to Len. "Let's make that happen. We'll figure out
the timing."
"Okay."
She started to key in a reply.
"You're
not going to tell him in person?"
"Did
he ask me in person?" She hit send and said "Have fun in beta. It's
actually my favorite shift."
Chapel
smiled. "I know. It's mine too." Alpha had more prestige, but beta
was often the perfect blend of action and easy time.
"You
don't seem too broken up about less time with Spock." Stella leaned in. "But
I've heard Vulcans don't sleep much."
Chapel
grinned and knew it was a wicked expression. "You heard right,
toots."
##
"Why
are you scanning me, Christine?" Spock pushed her hand away from him. "I
am fine."
"You're
staying up for me. I want to make sure you're not doing something that
ultimately isn't good for you." The scans looked great.
"And...?"
"You're
in tip-top shape, Mister."
He
pulled her close. "On days I feel fatigued, I have taken to napping during
beta shift."
"I
like that. I like that we're making this work." She kissed him slowly and
he rolled her to her back.
"May
I tell you a truth?"
She
nodded.
"I
prefer you on this shift. I know Leonard often stays in sickbay after shift
change so you are not entirely free of him, but I am...relieved that his time
with you is far more limited."
"Why?"
She kissed him playfully to show she wasn't questioning his truth, just
interested in learning more.
"It
is a complicated morass of sentiment."
She
chuckled. "Sorry."
"On
the one hand, I do not want him...pursuing you, if that is, in fact, what he
was doing."
"Do
you worry I'll be interested in him?"
"There
is a small amount of concern over that. But insignificant compared to the
annoyance factor of his attentions."
She
nodded. "Is that all? Not much of a morass."
"I
hope that he and Jim will work things out in a way that benefits them and us. I
think, for now, it is better that you are not always around him, reminding him
of you and me." He rolled to his side and pulled her with him so they were
face to face. "I have been considering your question, if Leonard and I are
truly friends."
"And
what did you conclude?"
"That
we are. Are you familiar with the concept of cognitive dissonance?"
"Of
course. It would explain a lot—why he strikes out the more he acts
inappropriately. Especially when you combine that with a person who prefers to
joke or insult his way out of losing control."
"Precisely.
I...do not want him to pull away further over this. I hope eventually he will
come to terms and reassign you to alpha." He sighed. "I also do not
want to bring a friend up on sexual harassment—or even
assault—charges. As first officer..."
"I
know. He hasn't repeated it. And I did kiss him back."
"Yes,
that is what I tell myself so I do not feel derelict in my duty." He
sighed. "And then there is Jim. I do not know how to make things better
for them."
"Hey,
buddy, listen to your own advice. We'd be on the same shift if I'd done that. Not
our circus, not our monkeys." She rubbed her nose against his as he let
out a short puff of air—she loved it when she made him laugh. "I
like beta shift. And you're accommodating us so beautifully. Thank you."
"Yes,
it is a great hardship to nap while you are working so that I can enjoy sex
with you later." He nuzzled her neck, then
whispered into her ear. "And enjoy your company. I find your brain as
diverting as your body."
"Aww, and they think you're not a romantic." She
laughed as he pushed her to her back again and whispered, "If we did a
joint science experiment in one of the really small labs, we could have sex in
there too. Combine the body and the brain."
One
side of his mouth actually went up into a smile. "I have already booked
lab seventeen for just that eventuality."
"There
is no lab seventeen."
"I
am having it refitted." His eyes were sparkling. "Heavily
soundproofed."
"Am
I really that loud when I come?"
"I
have a limited sample to compare you to."
"That's
adorable. But on a non-comparative basis, am I loud?"
He
nodded, his look one of satisfaction. "Let me caveat that answer by saying
I enjoy your vocalizations greatly."
"Well,
why don't you get busy and see if you can get me vocalizing like a champ."
"I
will accept the challenge, Doctor."
He accepted and then some.
##
Chapel
studied the padd Spock had handed her and then met his eyes. " I can see
why you want me to work on this. I wish she had come to me herself."
"Lieutenant
Ad'drade is reticent to draw attention to herself. While
Sobaxians are well represented in Starfleet, the
ethnic minority she is a part of is not."
"Still,
no reason to suffer when it's something we can probably help." She pushed
the padd aside and studied him. Sighing, she pulled out the scanner and shook
her head. "You're staying up too many nights so we can have quality time. I
won't have it. Tonight you sleep—if you're not asleep when I come in
after my girls night, we're going to have words."
"Understood."
The fact that he wasn't arguing spoke volumes.
"Spock,
tell me if you're tired. I know this shift difference is tough—less so
for you than a human, but still. I'm not going to get mad if you need to
sleep."
"I
enjoy you. I don't want to sleep when you are there."
She
smiled gently. "I'll be there when you wake up."
"You
will be asleep when I wake up."
"But
still there." She stood. "Come on, I'll walk you out. I know you
don't eat lunch but I need some food."
As
they walked out, McCoy saw them from his office and waved them in. His voice
was pitched low as he said, "I'm sure the shift change is an annoyance for
you, Spock, but I do expect you to let your lady love work while she's on
duty."
She
didn't have to look over at Spock to know how high his eyebrow must be going.
"We
were working, Doctor." Spock's voice held a note of disdain she wasn't
used to hearing.
"Really?"
He crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back with a "This oughta be good" expression.
"Really."
"I
was here when you came in. Last I checked, I was still
CMO."
"That
can change fast around here," she muttered, and Len's expression tightened.
Spock
touched her back—his "you're not helping" indicator. "As I
understand the shift change, Doctor Chapel is not only your deputy but the lead
doctor for beta shift. She is, in face, CMO during this period."
"Well,
I'm in the office."
"Yes,
you and your bottle of bourbon. I hope that neither of you are on duty."
She
tried to keep her face neutral. The acuity of the Vulcan sense of smell could
be a real bitch.
"Moreover,"
Spock said before Len could think of something acidic to say, "I needed an
expert in biochemistry. You are an acknowledged expert in many fields, but I
believe Christine has more experience in that one, would you not agree?"
"I'll
show you the padd when I get back, Len. I was going to pick your brain."
"Looks
like you two have it under control." He turned back to his terminal. "Enjoy
lunch."
"I'm
just grabbing something to bring back." Damn it all. She was in charge of
this fucking shift. Why was she explaining herself to him? "Come on,
Spock."
As
they walked out, she said, "Yikes, Spock. You had to mention the
bourbon?"
"Is
it normal for medical staff to drink on duty? If he is off duty and simply
enjoys his office, I have less objections. Although I
think alcohol does not belong in the office."
"Jim
used to avail himself of Len's office booze and willing ear many a time."
"I
know I am in the minority on my view of alcohol." He actually sighed. "I
thought, now that you are no longer around him as much and Jim has reached out
more, that his hostility would have abated." He stopped her, his hand
gentle on her arm. "And his jealousy."
"Are
you a hundred percent sure it's me he's jealous of?"
"Who
else would it be?"
"You.
He didn't give a rat's ass about me until I was with you."
"I
have told you. I can smell his arousal around you."
"Yes,
when you're around. I wonder what it
would have been like if it had just been he and I?"
"Christine,
I was on many missions with him and did not notice any unusual arousal. It is
you."
"I'm
not sure." At his look, she laughed. "I'm just
saying, this is strange."
"On
that, we can agree."
##
"What
the hell is up McCoy's ass these days?" Jan drained her drink and motioned
for the Starbase Ten bartender to bring her another. "He
gave me a ration and a half of shit when I beamed him over here. Didn't like
waiting in line or something. When did he become such a prima donna?"
Chapel
shrugged, not wanting to talk about Len now that her friends were making an
effort to get together with her during gamma shift—a time they'd normally
be sleeping.
Rand
turned to Stella. "You work with him now. How's he treating you?"
"Good,
actually. But then, he would, right?" She grinned at Chapel. "You put
the fear of God into him or something."
"I
just said he might want to be a little careful how he handled one of my
people." She laughed.
"Well,
I wish I was one of your people. Because just being one of your friends got me
shit." Jan yawned and seemed to be trying to hide it.
"I
told you to take a nap," Ny said, rolling her eyes. "You aren't
twenty-five anymore. Trying to sync onto Christine's schedule for one night is
going to kill you if you don't rest up."
"It
won't kill me." Jan laughed. "And if it does, we have two fine
doctors here. They'll resuscitate me."
Ny
gave a "Why do I bother?" wave and looked away.
Stella
was focused on her drink, stirring it and seemingly lost in thought, so Chapel
asked, "Something wrong?"
She
looked over and shook her head sheepishly. "I just saw Lieutenant Leonidas
with someone. They were headed toward the restaurant deck. He and I were just
getting to know each other when the shift change happened." She shrugged. "A
good guy would find a way to make it work, right?"
"Right."
Chapel said in tandem with Ny.
Stella
looked at Jan. "You don't think so?"
"Yeah,
I do, after you've got something started. But chemistry can be a fragile thing
at the beginning, you know? Maybe whatever you had wasn't enough to push him
into the 'find a way' mindset?"
All
three of them stared at her.
"What?
I can't be insightful? You think I'm just the dumb blonde of the group?" She
smiled at the bartender as he set down her drink, then
turned back to them. "I have insights. I just usually don't share
them." She leaned toward Stella. "And he's not that great a catch. I've
beamed him off with a different woman every time we stop somewhere for
liberty."
"That's
good to know. Dodged a bullet, maybe?"
"Definitely."
Jan rolled her eyes. "Christine had the right idea. Grab a Vulcan early
and don't let go. I wish there were more of them on the ship."
Ny
nudged Chapel. "How are things? They're good, right? I've always imagined
he'd be nice."
"Nice?"
Stella laughed. "I think you've probably imagined more than just that."
Chapel
wondered what Ny was telling Stella that she wasn't telling her. But let Ny imagine
whatever she liked. It was nice. And it was more than nice. "I'm very
happy" was what she settled for saying. "I never expected to see him
again—or if I did, it would be a different Spock after what he was going
through on Vulcan—and now here we are together. Life is funny."
"That
I'll drink to." Jan held up her glass and then yawned again before she
could make whatever toast she had in mind. "Christine, for the love of
God, please get back on alpha shift." She added
"No offense, Stellina. I don't want you gone,
just both of you on normal time."
Chapel
laughed at the nickname. Stella just grinned.
"Not
up to her." Ny shook her head. "Up to your boss, right?"
"Yeah.
Up to my boss."
"Not
how we planned it, my friend." Ny shook her head.
"Definitely
not how we planned it."
##
Chapel
woke and found Spock sitting on the terrace outside the guest room at Jim's
beach house. "Breakfast?" she whispered, not wanting to bother him if
he was too deep into his meditation.
"Later.
I will come out." His voice was gentle.
"Okay."
She pulled on some sweats and left, not worried about leaving him because
they'd fallen into this easy rhythm. Sometimes he needed alone time in his
head, time in peace and silence to work out issues that had nothing to do with
her. Sometimes she didn't ask if he wanted breakfast because she needed alone
time to process something, preferably with bacon and eggs in front of her in a
crowded mess where her problems could disappear in the din of the morning
breakfast rush.
She
found Jim in the kitchen, whipping up eggs and coffee and yes, thank God, bacon. He'd eaten with them enough times to know what she
liked.
He
handed her a plate and a cup of coffee and said, "Let's go outside."
They
sat on the wraparound bench on his deck, facing the water, feet dangling off
the deck and ate for a bit in companionable silence.
"Spock
meditating?" he finally asked.
"Yeah."
"He's
happy. Really happy with you." He met her eyes and his expression was
gentle. "I know I took your job—your future, even, maybe—and I
also know getting him was not the same thing, but still, I'm glad this is how
it worked out. You with him."
"I'm
not so sure about the job part, but I'll agree with you on the Spock
part." She grinned, but made it the kind that said she wasn't kidding
about the first part, but also wasn't losing sleep over it. "This house is
amazing."
"Yeah,
I got it after Lori chose not to renew our blessed union. And didn't bother to let me know until
she'd taken up with someone else." He rolled his eyes when she laughed. "Bitch."
She
laughed harder. "I had to treat her once. Not big on personal
warmth."
"Yeah,
well, she is when she wants something from you. And I was the golden boy when I
first made admiral. That didn't last long—at least not for her."
"Sorry?"
He
waved that idea away.
"Jim,
I need to tell you something."
"It
better not be that you don't like my eggs. I make really good eggs."
She
laughed again. "You do. It's just...Len asked me what I was doing while
the ship was in for refits and I just assumed if we were coming here, he was
coming too. But it was soon clear that wasn't the case, so he might be sort
of...mad when you get back."
"Day
that ends in 'y,' Christine." He shook his head. Then he put his plate
down and turned to her. "Okay, I'm going to say something and I realize
it's the height of irony because this is the kind of thing I'd normally tell my
CMO, but...I need you to check McCoy out. For...for fitness for duty."
"What?"
His
look was helpless. "Something's not right with him. His temper is on a
hair trigger. He's aggressive in ways I've never seen him be. I didn't notice
at first, I'll admit. I was sort of...avoiding him after what went down on
Earth. But now I'm not—I'm spending time with him, and I don't like what
I see."
She
sighed.
"You've
noticed, haven't you? Is that why you wanted to switch shifts?"
She
made a face. "I didn't want to. He made me change shifts."
"He
said it was your idea."
She
laughed softly. "Creative interpretation of the truth. He saw the duty
roster I had for my sickbay. I slotted my deputy for beta. Primarily because I
couldn't stand my deputy."
"And
Will picked him anyway?"
"They
were friends. I didn't push. Just...scheduled him out of my hair. So when Len
wanted me to switch, I couldn't say no." She leaned back. "Hoist on
my own petard."
"I
hate that." He grinned in a way that told her he'd been exactly where she
was.
"Yeah,
me, too. Next time I get demoted, I'm going to destroy my duty rosters."
They
both chuckled.
"Can
you check him out, Chris? Discreetly?"
"Chris?"
"Oh,
I'm sorry. If you don't like that...?"
"No,
I like it. It's just no one calls me that."
"It
can be my thing, then. No one else calls McCoy Bones, right? Now you have a
special James T. Kirk name, too."
She
smiled. "I won't say no to that." She heard the door open and said,
"Someone is done meditating. I don't think he heard us."
"Don't
tell him."
"I
can't. It's a medical issue."
"Thank
you." Then he turned to Spock. "You get what you want?"
"Yes,
thank you." He held up a glass of what looked like cranberry juice. "You
do not like this."
"But
you do. And I'm a good host."
"And
a good friend," she said, smiling, knowing he'd understand she was talking
about both Spock and Len.
She
smiled up at Spock as he came to sit next to her, and he surprised her by
brushing her hair off her cheek.
"Aww, look at the lovebirds." Jim grinned and went back
to his breakfast.
"Lovebirds.
Please." She leaned slightly into Spock. "Do you object to that designation?"
"It
is inaccurate." He pushed back against her shoulder, his lips ticking up
ever so slightly. "And no, I do not."
Jim
let out a short burst of air, amusement clear. "So glad you two are
here."
##
Chapel
studied the scans one more time then got up as she heard Len's office open. "Hey,
do you have a sec?"
He
came in. "Good time at Jim's?" His voice was terse.
"Yeah,
good." She hit the privacy button. "I need a second opinion." When
he sat, she came around and sat next to him so it would be easier to show him
what she had. "I have a crewman that I'm worried about. He's been showing
personality changes that have manifested since coming onboard."
"First
assignment?"
"No,
it's not adjustment to space. This is different."
"Different
how?"
"Mood
swings. Increased aggression. Poor impulse control." She handed him the
padd and said, "This is right before he reported for duty. The
next"—she waited as he swiped to the second scan—"is the
beam-up from Earth and the third is the beam-in at our end."
"I'm
not seeing anything."
"I
know. But I scanned him yesterday and saw this." She reached over and
swiped for him.
"There's
virtually no serotonin here."
"Exactly."
He
went back to the scans, began to dig into them. "The structures are all
here. There's been no degradation from injury."
"I
think the structure is fine but the functioning is on the fritz."
He
turned to look at her. "Cause?"
"I
think it was the transporter. You're aware that we lost Sonak,
our designated science officer in a transporter accident, yes? Another member
of the crew as well in that same accident."
"But
they fixed it, didn't they? "
"Yes,
but there was a series of beam-ins right before this crewman reported. There
was a power surge recorded. Not enough to trip any alarms, but I asked Jan to
go through the logs and she found it."
"Are
the others who transported involved?"
"No.
I checked their most recent scans from the transporter. In one case I may have
stalked an engineer who hasn't been off the ship since reporting so I couldn't
check any recent scans."
"We
just had refits."
"And
he was working with the refit crew. So he stayed on board. But he's fine, too. They're
all fine. Just this crewman."
Len
studied the padd and nodded slowly. "This would cause the symptoms you
said."
"There
are a number of tests I'd like to run."
"Yeah.
If you need help...?" He sounded very tentative—like she wouldn't
welcome his assistance.
"I
will. I'll need your help." It wasn't a lie. With their two skills
combined, they would be the perfect team to work on it.
"Okay."
He started to get up, clearly already thinking—planning—so she put
her hand on his arm and said, "There's something else."
He
settled back onto the chair.
"I
think, in an attempt to mitigate the negative consequences of the serotonin
issue, the crewman has resorted to self-medicating."
"Sedatives?"
"Booze."
"Ah.
Well the sooner we start the better, then." He started to get up again.
"Bourbon,
specifically."
He
froze. She could feel the tension in her office go up exponentially.
"Len?"
"How
fucking dare you."
"Len,
I was under orders."
"And
you couldn't wait to do this, could you?" He reached out and caught her by
the throat, then tightened his grip. "You couldn't wait to discredit
me."
"Len,"
she managed to gasp out. "Len this isn't you. Please, you're hurting
me."
He
let go, jerking away, the chair falling back as he stood staring at his hand. "What
the hell am I doing?"
"It's
like I said. The transporter's fault, not yours." She studied him. "There
is no better team to work on this than you and I. I wasn't kidding. I just want
to help you."
"I
shouldn't be on duty."
"Your
chems are off. Your temper is short. But you're still
a doctor. Work...work is good. But I think you need to put me back on alpha. Either
that or tell Stella what's going on."
"No.
I don't want her to know. She doesn't like me as it is."
She
resisted telling him that knowing there was a reason outside his control that
made him act like a prime jerk might be good for Stella to hear.
He
shook his head as if he was thinking the same thing. "No, I'll tell her
I've rethought my position of having the deputy on a different shift."
"Okay."
He
got in her face, finger pointed at her. "You will not say a goddamn word
about this to anyone."
"Of
course not. When have I ever?"
"The
other time you colluded with Jim."
"You
were dying. He had a right to know his CMO was terminally ill. You might not
have found the cure if Spock hadn't realized he should look for it in the first
place. So fucking thank me for telling Jim, Len. I
saved your goddamned life." She rubbed her throat.
He
reached around her for her regenerator and began to work on her throat. "I'm
sorry. This anger..."
"I
know. We'll fix this." She nodded, then closed
her eyes as he worked.
"I'm
so sorry, Christine. For everything." And he did, finally, sound
sorry—and more like his old self. The McCoy she desperately wanted back.
##
"He's
here, Christine." Len motioned for Jim to go into her office—a
concession she realized immediately. She was lead on this and he was
acknowledging that.
Jim
sat, saying, "Nice to see you back on alpha, Chris."
Len
frowned at the name—she thought Jim intended him to—then he shot
her a look that clearly said concessions were over and launched into it as if
he was lead. "We've identified the cause of the problem, Jim."
She
almost rolled her eyes. God help her, but she'd be glad to get back the version
of Len that wouldn't take credit for her actions with such a straight face and
"hell yeah!" attitude.
"I'm
sure she did." Jim held his hand up when Len started to talk again. "Bones,
I know you're my CMO but this is Chris's case. If she considers you the best
one to partner with on treatment, I'm not going to second-guess her. But you
aren't in charge on this. And I want that clear."
He
was watching Len carefully, and she wondered if he was second-guessing her
decision not to remove him from duty. Fortunately, Len dialed back any angry
retort and almost sounded like the old McCoy when he said, "Of course,
Jim."
They
both turned to her and she explained the treatments they were trying, the
people they were working with at Starfleet medical, and how soon they'd have a
result.
"I
don't understand. Serotonin therapy has been around for centuries. I was on meds
that were supposed to help with that after Tarsus IV."
"You're
right but they won't work if the mechanism in the brain that processes the
neurotransmitter no longer recognizes it. Which is what we think has
happened."
"It's
unprecedented, Jim. The transporter went and... Well,
it did what I always feared. Jumbled me up."
"I
know what it's like to live with something the transporter did. Believe me, Bones, I sympathize. I
just want you back and healthy."
"Captain,
to be perfectly clear, this isn't like what happened to you." She saw him
frown and forged on. "If we can't fix it—and I have no reason to
think we can't, but just if—he's not compromised to the point of being
unfit for duty. I know we can find a therapy that will help him maintain equilibrium
if his body won't do it for him."
"Your
conviction is contagious, Chris. Keep me posted."
When
he was gone, Len nodded for her to hit the privacy button again. "Thank
you."
"Everything
I said, I believe."
"You
could use this to get rid of me, you know."
"I
don't want to get rid of you. Not that way."
"Just
the asshole who kissed you?"
"And
changed my shift. Shithead."
He
grinned but it was a tentative expression. "What if it doesn't work?"
"Then
a brilliant brain surgeon and an equally brilliant biochemist will find a
workaround. Won't we?"
He
took her hand in his and squeezed, and she saw that he was blinking hard. "We
will."
"I'd
hug you but you'll get the wrong idea. And Spock will smell you on me. And he's
not ready to give you more chances."
"You
haven't told him?"
"Of
course not. You know me better than that."
He
looked down. "I just...I just feel as if I'm going to explode. Like
everything I do is wrong, you know? And like everyone knows about it."
She
nodded.
"What
gets me—what really bothers me, Christine—is that I can't imagine
another person you would let go this long without saying, "Hey, that guy
is acting pretty damn strange." He shook his head. "How big of an
asshole do you all think I am that it took you this long to think something was
wrong?"
"Of
any of us, you're the most—"
"Obnoxious?"
She
smiled "I was going to say emotional. You don't always react the way
anyone expects. You say what you think, which most people don't, and you know
that. And I've heard you call yourself a curmudgeon. All of which makes a
person who can be, well, a jerk some of the time." She shook her head. "I
should have known when you made a pass at me. When have you ever wanted
me?"
He
looked down and gave a strange little laugh
"Wait?
Really? I mean Spock said that he thought you had but—"
"Why
do you think I was so goddamned mean to him? And to you?
Sometimes you're not the brightest log in the bonfire, darlin'."
"I
guess not. Well, let's not talk about that right now. Maybe when your filters—such
as they are—are back, we can."
"Or
not."
She
laughed. "Right. Or not."
##
She
cuddled into Spock, enjoying the luxury of being on the same schedule—she
would never take alpha shift for granted again.
He
turned so his lips were near hers, and she leaned in and kissed him tenderly.
"I
have missed this, Christine. I did not want to say that while you were still on
beta shift."
"I
missed it, too. But I liked that you still wanted me here, in your bed, even if
you weren't in it with me all the time."
"As
long as no one else was in it..." He let an eyebrow go up slowly and she
laughed. Then his expression grew more serious. "You have been spending a
great deal of time with Leonard. Should I be concerned?"
"Concerned
how?"
"That
I have a rival?"
She
smiled and kissed him. "No," she said as she pulled away.
"Good."
He studied her. "Should I be concerned in some other way?"
She
met his eyes, willing him to see what she was not saying. "I can't
say."
"Ah.
Perhaps that is a promising thing?"
"I
can't say." But she smiled as gently as she could.
"I
will hope for the best."
She
realized Jim might have talked to Spock about Len before coming to her. So
Spock would know. That still didn't mean they would talk to each other about
it. Their jobs required they keep things to themselves.
"Can
we forget about him for a while?" She let her fingers play, down and down
and down.
"If
you are going to do that, forgetting about anything but you will be a foregone
conclusion."
"Then
I'll keep going."
"Most
appreciated." He was soon writhing under her touch and she laughed as he seemed unsure how she wanted him to finish.
"Oh,
did you want me to do something?" She was already kissing her way down.
It
took no time at all and he was lying still, eyes closed, an almost smile
playing on his lips.
"You
like that."
"My
appreciation for that goes far beyond like, Christine." He opened his
eyes. "As does my appreciation for you. I hope you know that."
She
snuggled back in, secure that once he'd sufficiently basked in the afterglow, he'd be making her writhe just as frantically. "I
do."
##
She
and Len stood staring down at the padd where they'd run the simulation surgery
they'd come up with. Well, he'd come up with the surgery part and she'd figured
out a way to flood his body with serotonin in a way that wouldn't cause the
problems a massive influx would normally bring. They'd tried a simulation where
they did the surgery first and eased into the serotonin introduction, but the
alterations they'd made to correct what the transporter had done to his brain
refused to take without a huge amount of serotonin in his system.
"It's
working, Christine." He sounded so relieved she wanted to hug him.
"Let's
do it a few more times, just to be sure."
As
the second, third, fourth and fifth simulation showed equal success she began
to relax. "Stella is one of the best surgeons I know other than you. We
should bring her in on this."
"No.
Just you." And the nurse he'd handpicked. One that wasn't one of her
picks, she'd noticed. "I've got to supervise Pierce whether this works or
not. I'd prefer she didn't know what was going on until we see how this does. And
how your workaround does if this surgery doesn't work."
"It'll
work. But it would work better with the best surgeon."
"I
am the best surgeon, and I'm going to be awake during the procedure."
"You
need to work on your self-esteem, Len." She grinned, teasing.
"I
mean we work well together. We always have. I don't want her here." His
voice was changing as he grew more agitated.
"Fine.
Len, it's fine. Just us and Sato. When do you want to
do it?"
"As
soon as our shift ends. You know I'm no good at waiting."
"Okay.
I'll tell Sato." She turned to hit the privacy button, but he said,
"Wait. I want to talk about something."
He
walked over to her and stopped just short of standing too close. "I
started comms to you so many times when I was in
Savannah. I just..."
"Chickened
out?"
He
nodded. "And what I said, about winning when Spock wasn't in the
running—maybe I always knew he'd come back, you know?" He sighed. "If
I had commed you—asked you to dinner or dancing
or something date-like—would we have had any chance at all? Would you
have said yes?"
She
met his eyes. "Yeah, I think I would have."
"But
when Spock came back, would I have lost you?"
She
shrugged helplessly—how could she know what she'd have done? Although she
didn't think Spock would have approached her if she'd been with someone else.
"Why'd
he have to come back?" He closed his eyes.
"If
he hadn't, there'd have been no meld. No meld, no 'open to something new' V'ger. We'd have all died."
"Yeah,
but I'd have won." He gave her a silly grin. "Shit, I'm doomed to be no-win
McCoy, huh?"
"I
wouldn't say that. I haven't worked this hard to find a solution because you're
just an esteemed colleague."
He
moved closer. "When everything's back to normal, I won't have the courage
to do this again." He tried to pull her into his arms, but she slipped
away. He looked more confused than angry.
"One
inappropriate kiss is on you. Two is on me, Len, and I won't do that to
Spock."
He
nodded slowly. "He's a lucky man."
"Yeah,
he is." She laughed, and he did, too.
"Will
you hate me if I pray that you break up with him?"
"If
I don't hate you by now, it's just not going to happen." She pulled him in
for a quick hug and was gratified that he didn't cop a feel, just buried his
head in her shoulder and murmured, "Thank you, Christine."
He
finally let her go and she went out to get Sato and prep for surgery.
##
"Doctor,
a spin around the dance floor?" Jim took her hand and eased her away from
the small group clustered around a McCoy that was his old self again.
As
she settled in, finding dancing with him to be easy and fun, he said,
"Thank you. Thank you for giving him back to me."
"Your
welcome, Jim. But he came up with the majority of the cure."
"But
you figured out what the problem was. And I'm in your debt. I don't take that
lightly. Anything you need, you understand?"
"Can
you tutor Spock on Valentine's Day and birthdays?"
"I
can. I'm quite good at those."
She
laughed and he did, too. For a moment, there was a sense of such ease and
sympathy that she finally understood what held Spock and Len so closely to this
man. When he let you in, he let you all the way in.
"I'm
really glad I stayed, Jim."
"I'm
really glad you did, too."
They
finished the dance and a few more, then she made her
way back to Spock at the bar while Jim found new partners. She gratefully took
the glass Spock handed her and slid in between him and Len.
"How's it feel watching your best friend woo your woman,
Spock?" Len had a teasing—not entirely nice—look on his face.
"He
is dancing, not wooing. And as I do not dance, I can hardly blame Christine for
seeking a new partner." The look he turned on her said very clearly that
while he might not dance, he did do other things so well she had no need of new
partners.
She
laughed at the sheer possessiveness in his eyes. Then she turned to Len. "And
what the hell was that? You wonder how we didn't know something was wrong with
you? That's how, Doctor Skewer."
"What?
I'm just teasing."
She
rolled her eyes.
"Fine,
maybe I was being a jerk. But I have to ease into this 'good old McCoy' thing. Got
out of practice. Kind of liberating being an asshole. You should try it. Although
I'm happy to be drinking bourbon because I love it and
not because I feel like I'm going to come out of my skin if I don't have
it."
"Amen
to that." She clinked her drink against his.
"Spock,
did Christine tell you that I tried to kiss her again, just before the
procedure?"
She
glared at him. Spock did know—she'd told him because she didn't want
secrets between them like that—but did Len really have to bring it up?
Len
ignored her look. "She told me no in very clear terms. Wasn't about to
hurt you. Damn fine woman you've got here." His tone was softer this time,
his eyes offering something—maybe the closest thing Spock was going to
get from him in the way of an apology.
Spock
seemed to realize it. "She is indeed extraordinary, Leonard."
Jim
pushed in, his arms around Chapel and Len, with a grin to Spock. "What'd I
miss?"
"Len
was complimenting me. I may have screwed up in the other direction."
She
waited for the laughter from him and Len and wasn't disappointed.
FIN
Author
Note:
I
don't know if anyone cares about my "process" LOL but this story has
an interesting generation story. I started it two
months before finishing it, had just the first section and was happy because I
was in the mood to do a "fluffy" Spock/Chapel. Yeah, so the muse she
wouldn't give me more. I'm not a butt-in-the-seat type of writer. "1000
words a day no matter what" never works for me. I write out of
inspiration, not obligation, and usually the muse (admittedly part of my brain,
but still easier to treat it like a separate entity) has the characters run
lines for key parts so I know where a story is going, or I may just get a
feeling that means a story is waiting to come out.
So
anyway, my fluffy Spock/Chapel quickly, when she finally gave me scenes, became
not so fluffy. And about midway through, when the relationship between McCoy
and Chapel had just degenerated, I was all "This
is STUPID! This makes no sense." And as she is wont to do, she just said "Trust me" and let me stew for a day. Then
she gave me the reason. Which I sort of loved because
of his fear that this would happen someday. And he is a dick some of the time,
so really how long would you wait before you said, 'Wow, even for him this is
bad"? Especially if everything else on his part seems to be working fine.
So
that's how it happened. And in the middle of all the angst is this lovely,
solid, functional relationship for Spock and Chapel, which I don't usually have
the luxury to do since you know conflict is key. But
they didn't need to have conflict between them since it was everywhere else.
And that was fun.
Also,
I hope this explored things in a little different way.
When you've done as many Chapel fics as I have,
especially ones set post TMP, nothing is ever new anymore. But maybe this can
be considered "fresh" LOL? Thank you for reading all the way!