DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are
the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright
(c) 2009 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.
Old Friends
by
Djinn
The
hallway of the hotel was opulent, more extravagant than Chapel expected. But then Jim was a hero, the rescuers of
whales, the savior of Earth. Nothing was
too good for him. Plus the visiting
officer quarters had been full and his old apartment still sealed--some parts
of Starfleet were slower to catch on to the "Kirk's not a criminal
anymore" idea than others.
She
found his room, set her hand over the annunciator to
let him know she was there, and was surprised when the door slid open--he'd
keyed it for her? "Howdy,
sailor," she called in her sultriest voice.
"I
bet you say that to all the guys."
He was sitting in a chair near the window, his face in shadows, holding
a drink that looked half empty. His
voice was anything but light.
"You
okay?"
"I
just saved the planet. What else would I
be but okay?" He threw his drink
back; the glass was empty when he set it down on the table next to him.
She
took a deep breath. Surly Jim was not
her favorite. "Well, I guess there's
the fact that the cute little blonde ran off to the science trainee program and
left you all alone. That might make a
guy a little cranky."
He
waved that thought away with a grunt.
"She
was a cutie."
"She
was. But not my cutie. Moving on."
"Okay,
then. What else could it be? Spock's back to normal, right? Or more normal than
not?"
"I
wondered how long it would take you to ask about him."
"Wow. This is fun." Chapel walked over to the bar, poured herself
a vodka tonic.
"Help
yourself, Chris. It's on Starfleet
Command, after all."
"Thanks,
I will." She turned to study him, still unable to see much of his face.
"Charlie
with you?" Jim's voice turned even surlier when he asked
about her husband. Her
complete ass of a husband.
"No. Charlie is off world. Charlie is undoubtedly sticking his dick in
some other woman, because that's what Charlie does, and you tried to tell me
that, and I was too infatuated to hear you."
Jim
leaned forward. "Really?" His voice was a combination of snide and satisfied.
"Yes,
really. You were right. I was wrong.
My marriage is a joke."
Chapel grabbed the bottle of Scotch and walked over to refill his glass,
leaving him the bottle. "You know
how to tell if your marriage is over?"
"She
moves all her stuff out while you're off camping and sends the intention to not
renew via interoffice comms?"
Against
her will, Chapel laughed. "Okay,
you definitely win on that one."
He
held up his glass as if in triumph. "So
when did you realize your marriage was over?"
"Well"--she
sat down on the couch across from him--"it was when I was facing certain
death, sitting with the father of my former crush--please note I said
'former'--and I realized he was better company than my husband would have been. It was when I saw a stream of traffic
clogging up the channels saying 'I love you,' or 'We'll be okay,' and I got
nothing from my jerk of a husband. It
was when I realized that I wasn't happy he was safe off world, that I was
pissed as hell he wasn't going to die a horrible death like I was."
"Yeah,
those are all good indications."
Jim laughed softly, then his expression
sobered. "I did try to tell
you."
"I
know you did. I just thought you
were..."
"Jealous?"
She
nodded.
"I
was with Antonia."
"So
of course you weren't jealous."
"I
was jealous as hell. But it wasn't my
place to convince you that you were making a mistake if you were so goddamned
in love with him you couldn't see what was right in front of your face." He shrugged, his
mouth tight.
"See,
that's what I don't understand. You...jealous. When you were with Antonia. You chose her." She couldn't say the part that followed. Couldn't say that he'd
chosen Antonia over her.
But
it sat there between them like an entity unto itself. The truth. The truth she'd not faced, that she'd run to
Charlie to forget. Now it was back. Jim hadn't picked her.
"Why
did you choose her, Jim? I was
there. We were having fun."
He
stared at her as if she were an idiot, anger raw in his voice when he said, "You
were in love with Spock. I was a
diversion. You told me that."
"I
told you that after you said we were just old friends who hooked up
occasionally."
"I
was drunk when I said that. I was scared."
"Oh,
bull. Captain Kirk does not get scared of
someone like me." She stood and
walked away from him, toward the bar, considered leaving but then heard him
getting up, the sound of his drink being set down.
"Chris,
I don't want to fight." He slid his
arm around her, pressed his chest to her back.
"The past is the past. We
can't change it. Not any of it."
"I
know." She finished her drink, let him take the
glass from her and set it on the bar.
"So, we hook up again?"
Why
did that sound so bad now? She'd come
here for just that. A simple, easy
interlude with a man she cared for. Respected.
Loved. God help her, she loved him and had never
told him.
"It
was me," she said, her voice coming out as a croak. "The spacedock
doors opening. I did that."
"You?" He turned her around, stared at her. "Command didn't find out, did they?"
She
shook her head. No one had suspected. No one had questioned. Only Jan had figured out what she was doing,
and she'd done her best to cover Chapel's tracks. And her best was damned good.
"I
didn't know. I thought Scotty had pulled
one of his miracles out of his ass."
"Wrong
ass."
He
let his hands slip down her back, rubbed the posterior in question. "Oh, I think it's the right one."
She
laughed, then she leaned in and kissed him
slowly. "You were never just a
diversion."
"You
were never just a hook up." He
kissed her back gently, his mouth easy on hers.
Then he pulled her closer, and he tightened his grip on her arms and
pushed her toward what she supposed was the bedroom. The feeling of the bed behind her knees, of being
eased down onto it, confirmed the location, and then she didn't care anymore
where they were because he was pulling off her uniform and kissing her again.
She
tore his uniform off, an exercise he did not make any easier as he went to work
on her, lips and tongue and fingers exploring places they hadn't been since
he'd chosen Antonia over her.
She
tensed.
He
must have sensed it because he stopped, met her eyes. "What?"
"Did
you love her?" she whispered.
"I
don't know." He seemed to realize
that wasn't the answer she needed.
"Antonia was the life I never had.
The normal life. Safe."
"But
she was a woman. And you either loved her or you didn't." The real question was did he love Chapel, but
she wasn't going to be pathetic enough to ask it. Hopefully, she wouldn't be.
"I
loved her. For a while, I did love
her." He eased away, giving them
some physical space so they could talk.
He was always smart that way. "But
then you married Charlie and I was not a happy boy. Antonia caught on rather quickly. She did not like you, Commander."
"She
didn't even know me."
He
shrugged.
"She
was so beautiful." It had hurt how
beautiful she was. Chapel knew she
wasn't in the same league. Attractive, handsome, appealing. All good words. But never beautiful.
"She
hated you because I loved you."
There
he'd said it. Only...past
tense. "Loved?"
He
smiled, a crooked grin. "Caught that, did you?"
She
nodded.
"It's
possible that present tense would be more appropriate."
"Is
it?" She climbed on top of him and
kissed him roughly, making him pay for teasing her.
He
didn't seem to mind. Instead he eased
her back, onto him, and she had to let him go, had to sit up, throw her head
back, and ride him the way she'd done when they were just friends who fucked.
She
came almost violently, felt him pulling her down,
tangling his fingers in her hair, the pain pleasurable as he kissed her
harshly.
"I
hated Charlie," he said between kisses, his voice almost guttural. "I hated that he was inside you, doing
this, taking you."
She
wanted to tell him Charlie never had been, but of course they both knew
better. "It was never like
this. I never stopped loving you. Only...he never resented that. I'm not sure he even knew, or if he did, he
never cared. He wasn't going to stop his
extracurricular activities."
"That
made me happy, once you'd married him. That he'd end up hurting you." He sighed.
"That made me happy, Chris."
"I
know. It made me happy to think how
bored you'd become living a 'normal' life."
He
shook his head, his smile rueful.
"What a pair we are."
"Yeah,
real prize packages." She curled
into him, nuzzled his neck. "I've
missed you." They'd spent so many
years in each other's orbits, sometimes as on-again off-again lovers, other
times just as friends. The past few
years, with him gone entirely, had been lonely.
Even with a husband and all her husband's friends.
Friends
who'd always looked at her a little pityingly.
"I've
missed you, too. I wanted to call you--after
David..." He closed his eyes,
exhaled slowly. "Just
to talk."
"I'm
here now. We can talk now."
"Not
about that. Closed
subject."
She
shook her head and smiled. "Not if
you have the right accesses." She
could see he wasn't convinced she was willing to break Starfleet's
directive--did he think she was a plant testing his ability to keep his mouth
shut? "Jim, you covered up the
truth about Roger. I owe you."
He
seemed to relax, seemed to accept that.
She
kissed him on the cheek, let her lips linger as she kissed her way to his
ear. "Here, alone with me, you can
talk about anything. I'll listen. I'll care.
I'll understand--or as much as I can understand the pain you carry. That you may always
carry." She rubbed his chest
lightly, over his heart. So much pain
this man carried already. So many deaths, personal and not. But a child. A son.
"Later,"
he said, and she sensed how close he was to breaking, how much the past few
months of death and exile had worn on him.
"I'll tell you later."
He pulled her back on top of him, kissed her frantically, and she didn't
fight him. "Just fuck me. Just love me."
"I
will. I always will." She was prepared to give him whatever he
wanted, but he flipped her over, began to move more slowly, more deliberately,
as if by controlling this he'd gain back control of himself.
His
smile was tender as he moved in and out of her, and it grew as she began to
moan, as the feeling built inside her and she clutched at him.
"I
love you," she said as she came, and he said it back as he gave up control,
as he pounded her and cried out with his own release.
They
were both breathing hard as he rolled off her and pulled her into his arms,
kissing her hair and her cheek.
"Don't
go back to him," Jim said. "It
was a term marriage, right?"
She
nodded. She'd known somehow that it
wouldn't last, that it wasn't good.
"Break
up with him by interoffice comms. I guarantee he'll remember it."
She
laughed softly. "I sent him the
intent to not renew just before I came."
"Ballsy
move. What if I'd been otherwise occupied?"
"I
considered that, actually." She
snuggled in closer, glad he'd been free--elated he'd been free and that he
still wanted her. "But I'm doing
this for me, Jim. Not for you. For me. Because Charlie's not the right man."
He
met her eyes, his expression relaxed.
"Am I?"
"I
think maybe. But don't really know. We've never given that a chance, have
we?"
"No,
we never have."
"I'd
sure like to find out, though." She
smiled at how easily that came out.
He
smiled just as readily. "I'd like
that, too."
FIN
Rest in Peace, Majel