DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and
Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are
copyright (c) 2012 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.
NothingÕs Perfect
by
Djinn
Christine
was working in the quarters she shared with Spock and Jim when she heard the
door open and hiss shut again.
ÒWife,Ó
Spock said, crossing the floor, his boots clicking quickly.
ÒIÕm
working on a paper.Ó
ÒThis
will not take long.Ó
She laughed as he pulled her up, managed to save her work and set the padd down
as he began to pull her clothing off.
ÒI thought you were playing chess with Jim?Ó
ÒI
was. He was called away. I decided to use the time wisely. He will no doubt hail me when he is
done.Ó He had her up against the
wall of their quarters, hiked her up, and she wrapped her legs around him as
they kissed, as he got her ready, until he lifted her again and eased her onto
him.
She
moaned, felt him move a hand behind her head to keep her from slamming into the
wall as he began to move more vigorously.
She came loudly; he did, too.
But not so loudly, she didnÕt hear the hiss of their door opening again.
ÒWhat
the hell, Spock?Ó Jim did not sound
happy.
Spock
eased his head off her neck and met her eyes. She mouthed, ÒBusted,Ó but didnÕt think
he got what she was saying.
She
smiled at Jim over SpockÕs shoulder, held her hand out to him. ÒCome here.Ó
ÒDonÕt
do that, Christine,Ó Jim said, and he sounded truly annoyed. ÒI leave for five minutes, Spock, and
you canÕt just wait? You have to
run down here and grab a quickie?Ó
SpockÕs
eyebrow rose. ÒIs a quickie wrong
in some way, Jim?Ó
ÒPut
me down,Ó she whispered, but Spock seemed to be set on stubborn mode. He turned, so he was talking to Jim over
her shoulder and she had a great view of the wall—and Jim had a bang-up
view of her ass. She tried to ease
off Spock, but his grip was like iron.
ÒDamn it.Ó
Jim
walked over. ÒWhy didnÕt you just
say you wanted to be with her instead of playing chess?Ó
ÒI
did want to play chess. But then,
when it appeared chess was on hiatus until your return, I wanted to be with
her.Ó
ÒI
wasnÕt gone that long.Ó
ÒLong
enough for us to do this.Ó
ÒWhich
you could join in if you wanted,Ó Christine said, still trying to work her way
out of SpockÕs arms of steel.
ÒPartner of your choice.Ó
ÒPut
her down.Ó Jim glared at Spock until
he finally let go of her. ÒAnd
thatÕs not the goddamned point.Ó He
turned and walked to the door.
ÒIf
you wait, I will come with you, Jim.Ó
Spock was putting his robes back in order. ÒIÕm sure our chessboard is
undisturbed.Ó
ÒSuddenly,
IÕm not in the mood.Ó He looked at
her. ÒTell him what he can do with
our goddamned chessboard.Ó The door
closed behind him.
Spock
stood staring at it.
ÒI...this...Ó He turned to
her. ÒI do not understand.Ó
ÒBad
day?Ó
ÒIt
did not appear so earlier. Perhaps
you should go talk to him?Ó
ÒIÕm
not the one who abandoned him mid chess game.Ó
ÒBut
you are the one who is far more capable of processing emotionally laden
conversations without making him angrier.Ó
She
had to give him that. She shook her
head. ÒYou had to have a quickie?Ó
ÒWhen
did a quickie become problematic? I
do not understand.Ó Spock took the
escape route of beleaguered husbands everywhere and grabbed a padd and went
into the bathroom.
She
rolled her eyes, put her clothes back on, and went to find Jim.
##
After
some searching, she found him in one of the auxiliary conference rooms, one
with a nice view of the stars. HeÕd
told her once it was a favorite place of his to go and think, since no one
seemed to use it much.
ÒNot
in the mood, Christine.Ó He didnÕt
even turn to look when she walked in.
ÒHow
did you know it wasnÕt Spock?Ó
ÒHeÕd
never come face me when IÕm this mad at him. HeÕd send you to mollify me, wear me
down, cajole me with your sweet ways.Ó
She
sat down on the other side of the table from him. ÒDidnÕt realize my sweet ways were a
problem for you.Ó
ÒTheyÕre
not.Ó
ÒOh. So itÕs him using them against you that
bugs you?Ó
ÒBingo.Ó He turned and stared at her. ÒWhich of us do you love most?Ó
She
knew her eyes went wide.
ÒWhich
of us do you think he loves the most?Ó
Jim turned back to the stars, his chair swiveling back and forth a bit
as if he just couldnÕt hold still.
ÒWell,
you big baby, I actually think he loves you the most.Ó
The
chair stopped. ÒYou do?Ó
ÒYes. But you donÕt see me throwing a hissy
fit.Ó She got up. ÒWhy donÕt you come back to our quarters
when youÕve grown up?Ó
He
was up and to the door before she could get there. ÒComputer, lock, door.Ó
ÒJim.Ó
He
was clearly mad at what sheÕd just said, but he touched her gently, drawing her
pants off and then his own, kissing her, making sure she was ready, before he
pushed her against the wall and thrust into her.
ÒJim,
really? This is not a good—Ó
His
kisses shut her up. Deep burning
kisses, and his fingers moving across her, causing her to cry out. He didnÕt let up, was clearly trying to
make her come again when she pulled his fingers away and deprived of that
option, he let go, took his own pleasure.
They
sank to the floor and lay panting.
ÒWhat
the hell was that, Jim? Anything
Spock can do, you can do better?Ó
ÒI
believe itÕs called a quickie.Ó
She
felt like heÕd slapped her and tried to roll away, the rough carpeting stinging
as she did it.
ÒChristine.Ó
She
was crying and she hated that she was crying. He reached for her, and she tried to knock
his hand away, but he yanked her back to him.
ÒHoney,
no, IÕm sorry.Ó His kisses were
sweet, and he held her and said, ÒIÕm sorry. I shouldnÕt take it out on you.Ó
ÒTake
what out? What did we do
wrong?Ó She nestled against him,
let him kiss her. ÒWhat is it? Are you tired of me? Is that it? Do you just want him?Ó She tried to get up, but he held her
close.
ÒI
married both of you.Ó
ÒBut
youÕre mad at me.Ó
ÒNo,
IÕm mad at him.Ó
ÒBut
youÕre mad at him because he wanted me.Ó
He
laughed very softly. ÒYes, thatÕs
true.Ó He wrapped his arms even
more tightly around her. ÒIÕm
sorry. I donÕt know whatÕs wrong
with me. I love you, Christine. I didnÕt hurt you, did I?Ó
She
shook her head. ÒJust donÕt use me
against him.Ó
He
sighed. ÒThat wasnÕt what I was
doing.Ó
She
nodded, even if she thought they both knew heÕd been doing exactly that.
##
Bedtime
was tense. They were all extra
careful around each other. No one
crowding anyone in the bathroom. No
one playfully throwing pillows at anyone else as they got the bed ready.
Christine
went to her desk and worked on her paper—or pretended to work on it. It was easier than dealing with her two
men. Neither of whom seemed to want
to talk to each other about what was wrong. Finally she turned around. ÒI canÕt stand this.Ó
Jim
looked over from his table. Spock
popped his head out from the bathroom.
ÒWhat
the hell is wrong?Ó She saved her
work and put her padd away in the drawer, just in case whatever the hell was
wrong led to violence or lusty makeup sex on the desk. ÒYou go to play chess and everythingÕs
fine. Now everythingÕs not. What the hell happened in between?Ó She glared at Jim before he could
answer. ÒOther than Spock wanting a
damned quickie. Which has never
been a problem before.Ó
ÒI
didnÕt know where he was.Ó
ÒAnd
what? YouÕre a little boy lost in a
big store?Ó
Jim
crossed his arms over his chest. ÒI
just felt...Ó He sighed.
Spock
moved closer, seemed to think Jim might shy away if he touched him but finally
reached out and rubbed his neck the way he liked it. ÒYou felt what?Ó
ÒLike
you were cheating on me. With our
wife. And I know how stupid that
sounds. But I came back and it was
as if you couldnÕt wait to get away, to her.Ó He looked down. ÒWhen she came to find me, I fucked her
the same way you did, Spock.Ó
ÒI
had a feeling you would, Jim. Why
do you think I sent her when I did instead of waiting until you had a chance to
let reason prevail?Ó
ÒAre
you kidding me?Ó Christine walked
over to them, considered slapping one or both of them. ÒAm I just a pawn to you two?Ó
She
walked over to their main terminal, started looking to see which of the guest
quarters were unassigned.
ÒWhat
are you doing?Ó JimÕs had moved
close, his voice was low in her ear, his hands on her arms. ÒAre you moving out?Ó There was some amusement in his voice, but
something else, too—something bleaker.
ÒFor
the night possibly.Ó
ÒYouÕre
not a pawn, Christine.Ó Spock was
behind her now, too. ÒIÕm sorry if
I used you as one.Ó
ÒEverythingÕs
been so good. I donÕt
understand.Ó She turned, felt them
both pull her close, where she used to feel safe.
Why
didnÕt she feel safe?
She
turned back to the computer. ÒI
really need to get out of here tonight.
You two work this out.Ó
ÒYouÕre
part of this. You canÕt just go.Ó Jim turned the terminal off.
ÒThis
room is too damn small. One room
for three people. What the hell
were we thinking?Ó She flipped the
terminal back on.
Jim
looked at Spock. ÒCould you neck
pinch her maybe?Ó
Spock
clearly was not sure if Jim was kidding or not. Then again she wasnÕt sure if he was
kidding or not. She wondered if
even Jim knew if he was kidding.
He
gave the laugh she hated. The fake
Òha ha haÓ that he
generally only used on aliens.
A
very tense silence followed, a silence broken when Spock softly said, ÒIt is
possible that I did want her to myself.Ó
Jim
turned on him. ÒThen why the hell
didnÕt you just say so? We have
private time all the time. You
didnÕt have to just sneak off.Ó He
seemed to see something in SpockÕs face.
ÒDid that make it more fun, or something? Spock, talk to me.Ó
Spock
looked away. Then he said softly,
ÒI believe I will work tonight in the lab.Ó
He
grabbed one of his padds and left them alone.
She
stared at Jim. ÒI didnÕt know. He just showed up and—Ó
ÒI
know you didnÕt.Ó
ÒWhatÕs
going on with us?Ó
ÒI
donÕt know.Ó He reached past her,
turned on the terminal. ÒDo you
want to stay with me or do you want to stay neutral?Ó He had a guest room lit up, ready to
reserve.
ÒOh,
Jim. I donÕt know. WhatÕs the right thing to do?Ó
He
shrugged. And she saw something she
didnÕt like. More betrayal. Like he wouldnÕt be sure where she was
if she wasnÕt in bed with him. Like
she might be with Spock.
She
moved his finger off the screen.
ÒThis is my bed. I sleep
here. You sleep here. And when Spock is ready to come out of
the lab, he sleeps here. NobodyÕs
neutral, Jim. No matter how safe
that idea might seem.Ó
He
looked enormously relieved. They
went to bed. They didnÕt make
love. And Spock didnÕt come back
that night.
##
When
she woke, Spock was sitting at the table, working. She realized Jim was already awake, was
watching Spock as he worked, an unreadable expression on his face.
ÒSpock,Ó
he finally said.
Spock
looked over.
ÒCome
to bed for a while. ThereÕs time.Ó
She
looked at the chrono. Saw there was time, just enough for them
to reconnect. She thought Spock
hesitated for a moment, but then he stood and walked over. Both she and Jim pulled him into the
bed, into their arms, shedding his robe as they did it.
For
the first time since theyÕd come together on Thule, it was awkward between
them. But only for a few moments. Then Spock murmured, ÒI am sorry,Ó so
softly she thought she might have imagined it.
Jim
kissed him, then pulled her closer.
ÒMeld with us. ItÕs
okay. This was just a bump. All couplesÓ—he made a face and
smiled—Òmarried groups have them.Ó
Spock
sighed, a strangely sad sound. ÒI
need to explain. I did not go to
the lab to work on an experiment. I
went to the lab to run tests. On
myself.Ó He looked at Jim, then at
her. ÒDo you understand?Ó
Christine
closed her eyes. SheÕd wondered
what would happen when the Pon Farr came. It was a mating rut, not just a sexual one. And Jim could not produce children. Not that she could either, being up to
date on all her contraceptives. But
SpockÕs primitive urges wouldnÕt know that. TheyÕd only know that when it came time to
insert tab a into a seemingly fertile slot b, sheÕd fit the bill—and Jim
wouldnÕt.
ÒJesus,Ó
Jim murmured. ÒThatÕs why.Ó
ÒSo
it would seem.Ó
ÒAnd
why IÕm reacting so badly to you being with her?Ó
ÒWe
are bonded. You would feel some of
what IÕm feeling.Ó
ÒWhy
I am not feeling it?Ó Christine asked.
ÒYou
were ready to move out, hon. I
think youÕre feeling it.Ó Jim lay
back and put his hand over his eyes.
ÒDo I need to get you two off the ship?Ó
Spock did not appear to have a quick answer for them. He finally said, ÒThere is no precedent
for this. I do not know that I
would not share her with you when the burning comes. As long as I have access to her, I might
want you as well.Ó
ÒBut
you might not. Might view me as a
rival?Ó
ÒIt
is possible. But you are my mate,
so I am not sure. Our situation is
unique, as I said.Ó
ÒBut
IÕm not your mate, am I? Not in the
procreation sense?Ó Jim seemed very
far away. Then he rolled out of the
bed, went to the terminal. ÒWeÕre
not far from Starbase Five. I can let you off there, pick you up in
a week.Ó
ÒWhat
if we need you? What if we die
without you?Ó Christine got up and
walked over to him. ÒWe donÕt know
you arenÕt essential to this. Maybe
IÕm primary for a while since I happen to have a uterus, but I wouldnÕt assume
youÕre not needed. I wasnÕt kidding
about what I said in the conference room.
About who matters the most.Ó
Jim
met her eyes. ÒNo?Ó
She
saw SpockÕs look of confusion but ignored it. ÒIÕve always thought so. But IÕm okay with that. And thatÕs why you need to keep us on
the ship. The guest quarters for us
or you, whatever makes the most sense.Ó
ÒThis
is a mess.Ó
ÒBut
one we knew we would face eventually,Ó Spock said. ÒIt is good we have time to plan for
it. Unlike last time.Ó
Christine
saw JimÕs face. She remembered when
theyÕd brought him up from Vulcan the first time, seemingly dead. She thought he was remembering that,
too. She took a deep breath. There would be no damn fighting. She was SpockÕs, and Jim was
SpockÕs. And Spock was theirs.
That
had seemed so simple before.
##
After
their shift, Spock surprised them with dinner laid out in their quarters. A sexy, feed-to-your-partners kind of
dinner.
Jim
smiled when he saw it, said gently, ÒApology?Ó
Spock
nodded, and then said, ÒI also think it is important in this time leading up to
the burning that we share Christine intensely. And that you and I are also as active
together sexually as we can be. The
worst path we could take would be to withdraw emotionally or physically from
each other—I believe that would
make me view you as an interloper during the Pon
Farr, and IÕm not sure the bond would protect you. But if we continue as we are, if we
increase our sexual activity...Ó
ÒThis
is just your way of getting more bed time,Ó Christine said with a smile,
pulling him to her with a kiss, murmuring ÒThank you,Ó in his ear so softly
only he could hear.
He
squeezed her arm, a silent ÒYouÕre welcome.Ó But she knew he did this for all of
them.
ÒOnce
the burning starts, I will want Christine exclusively at first, I presume. The urge is to procreate. Your presence, so long as you do not
interfere, should not bother me.
Once I have planted my seed sufficiently, I believe my less primal self
will begin to have a say in the matter and I will want you, too, Jim.Ó
ÒBut
youÕre not sure?Ó
ÒI
am not.Ó
ÒAnd
you might kill me if IÕm in there?Ó
ÒI
might try. I suggest you keep a
phaser set on stun with you, keyed to your and ChristineÕs bioreadings
only.Ó
ÒRoger
that,Ó Christine said softly.
ÒYou
will need your med kit, as well, Christine. I do not know how rough I will be with
you. As my first Pon Farr was interrupted by combat and I did not complete
the act...Ó
She
nodded. ÒWhat is the norm on Vulcan? Surely you saw your mother after she and
your father...?Ó
He
frowned. ÒThere were times they
were back quickly. There were other
times they were not. I do not know
if that was because they lingered wherever they went to experience the Pon Farr for their own reasons or because she needed
medical treatment.Ó
Christine
tried not to swallow too visibly; she didnÕt want Spock to see how scared his
words made her. ÒWe still need a
place.Ó
ÒI
think guest quarters,Ó Jim said.
ÒNo one is likely to bother us there and we can clear them of anything
dangerous.Ó
Spock
nodded.
ÒIÕll
brief McCoy. If IÕm needed with
you, Scotty will have the conn. If
you donÕt need me, Bones may have to monitor me, make sure IÕm not affected.Ó
Christine
looked down. ÒLen will need to
monitor me, as well, if youÕre not in there with us.Ó If he wasnÕt in the room to protect her
was what she wanted to say.
ÒYes,Ó
Jim said, as he met her eyes. ÒHe
will. I donÕt want you getting
hurt.Ó
Spock
took a deep breath. ÒI will
endeavor not to hurt her.Ó
ÒBut
you donÕt know. YouÕve never done
this.Ó Christine touched his hand. ÒItÕs not that I donÕt trust you. But this wonÕt be the real you, will
it?Ó
ÒIt
will not.Ó He looked down. ÒThe real me would not have killed Jim.Ó
They
all were very quiet. Finally, Jim
gave a game smile and rubbed his hands together. ÒIÕm starved. Who else is hungry? WeÕve got some sex to get to, my
loves. And unless I miss my guess, Spock,
you got this food especially to eat in bed.Ó
ÒI
did,Ó Spock said, his eyes soft. ÒI
love you both. I did not wish this
to play out this way. If I could
rid myself of the Pon Farr—never saddle you
with it—I would.Ó
Jim
pulled him close, kissed him slowly.
ÒItÕs our burden because itÕs your burden. WeÕll get through this.Ó He reached back for her. ÒAll three of us.Ó
##
Christine
caught Len watching her several times through their shift, finally went into
his office and sat down. ÒJim told
you?Ó
ÒHe
told me.Ó He leaned in, his look as
concerned as sheÕd ever seen it.
ÒIÕm worried.Ó
ÒYou
were down there. When Spock and Jim
fought?Ó
ÒI
was. IÕve been thinking a lot about
how to keep you safe.Ó
ÒHe
wonÕt hurt me.Ó
ÒThis
Spock is certainly different than the one who I saw try to kill his best
friend. HeÕs older. HeÕs bonded to you and to Jim. HeÕs in love, not just going through a
biological urge. I hope youÕre
right, that he wonÕt hurt you—and he wonÕt hurt Jim. But, Christine, this biological urge may
fool you. And this arrangement
Spock set up, bonding with you both...Ó
He shook his head.
ÒIt
may backfire. I know. IÕve considered that.Ó She looked down. Jim in their thoughts could be a mitigating
factor, a calm force amid the fire.
Or
it could be accelerant on the flames.
A rival in SpockÕs head. Or
worse—what if they both decided they wanted her...needed her that way?
ÒI
have transdermal biosensors IÕm going to inject you all with. I want to know whatÕs going on with you
physiologically, emotionally, as well as logistically.Ó
She
knew she was blushing. ÒYouÕre
thinking what IÕm thinking?Ó
ÒTwo
on one wonÕt be fun if itÕs not something you can say no to. Not something you can slow down.Ó He took a deep breath. ÒThe sensors come with other things. TheyÕll allow me to render one or all of
you unconscious. Tailored
specifically to each of you. With a
few extra levels—especially for Spock—to allow for any added
resistance to the sedation the Pon Farr might give.Ó
ÒThank
you.Ó
ÒYours
will have some energy boosters in there, too. It was that or pain meds. Only so much I can fit in the things.Ó
ÒEnergy
boosters make sense. I canÕt
believe youÕre fitting all that in a biosensor.Ó
ÒYouÕre
my best friends. IÕm going to keep
you safe. And then IÕm going to
patent the damn thing and make millions.Ó
He leaned back and rubbed his eyes.
ÒAlthough I might grab some shuteye at some point. IÕve been working on this every second I
have.Ó
She
got up, walked around the desk, and hugged him. ÒThank you.Ó
ÒI
love you, sweetheart. IÕm not going
to let them hurt you. Or them hurt
each other. I saved Jim from Spock
once, IÕll do it again for all of you.Ó
ÒI
believe you.Ó She turned but he
caught her hand and she looked back.
ÒI
can help you physically. But
Christine, what I saw...it took me a while to get it out of my head. I know it took Jim a while, too—and
he had more to deal with than just having been an observer. There may be some...ferocity in this you
arenÕt expecting. You may need to
talk to someone when this is over.Ó
ÒI
will. IÕll talk to my husbands.Ó
ÒOh,
honey. ThatÕs exactly what I donÕt mean.Ó He smiled softly. ÒGo on now. I have about two more hoursÕ work before
IÕll be ready to inject you all with these sensors.Ó
ÒDo
you need help?Ó
ÒNo. You run on.Ó He sounded very much like a worried
father as he got up and shooed her out of his office and headed for the lab.
She
watched him go, tried to imagine what he had seen on Vulcan. SheÕd seen Spock on Thule. HeÕd never wavered. Even when she and Jim had been cranky.
Then
she remembered him throwing the soup at her, how heÕd yelled. The anger in his eyes. The lust later. And that had been before heÕd been
completely lost to the Pon Farr.
She
closed her eyes and prayed to whatever god protected pioneering lovers to keep
them all safe.
##
She
was on the observation deck, staring out at the star stream when Jim found
her. She knew it was him by the
sound of his step, by the soft scent of his soap, by the way he murmured,
ÒChristine,Ó and by the way he slid his arms around her and the firm feel of
his chest on her back.
She
put her arms over his, held on tightly—for dear life, it felt like.
ÒI
love you. IÕll protect you. Whether IÕm in there or not, IÕll
protect you.Ó
She
nodded. ÒSpock is really worried,
isnÕt he?Ó She turned so she could
see his face. ÒHeÕs not talking
about it, and thatÕs when heÕs really worried.Ó
ÒI
know. IÕve noticed that, too.Ó He sighed and pulled her close. ÒI donÕt mind saying IÕm a little
nervous.Ó
ÒDo
you mind saying youÕre a little scared?Ó
ÒAwfully
unmanly of me. Hero of the galaxy
and all that admitting heÕs scared of a little sex.Ó But he buried his head in her
shoulder. ÒI donÕt want you to be
scared, so I wonÕt say I am.
Nervous is okay. Ready for
anything is better. This is
Spock. He loves us, Christine. He wants us both—wanted us both enough
to love us, to marry us, to bond with us against all reason and odds. Why should this be any different?Ó
ÒI
know.Ó She rubbed his back and
wondered who was comforting whom.
Then she looked up and saw Spock standing at the doorway.
He
looked more concerned than anything else.
She
held out her hand and he came immediately.
ÒComputer, lock the damn door,Ó she said.
ÒPlease
restate command.Ó
ÒGoddamn
refits.Ó Jim took a deep
breath. ÒComputer, lock door.Ó
ÒAffirmative.Ó
Jim
smiled at them both. ÒI miss the
old ship.Ó
ÒTechnically,
this is the old ship,Ó Spock said with a slight lifting of his lips. He put his arms around them, pulling
them close. ÒIt will soon be time. It is best if we start before I am too
far gone in the blood fever.Ó
ÒYou
saw us here together. Were you
angry?Ó Christine asked.
ÒNo. Worried.Ó
ÒGood
sign,Ó Jim said softly.
ÒI
think so, yes.Ó Spock pulled them
closer. ÒI want you both to promise
me something. If there is a moment
where I put either of you in mortal jeopardy, you must do whatever it takes to
stop me.Ó
ÒLenÕs
biosensor will take care of incapacitating you.Ó
ÒDoctor
McCoy has done his best, but his best may not be enough if I am in full
fever. You must promise me.Ó He looked at Jim. ÒYou will protect her from me?Ó
ÒSpock. Phasers work
on stun. I wonÕt kill you if there
are other options.Ó
ÒI
agree with that position. But if
there are no other options...Ó
ÒThere
are always other options.Ó
She
smiled. ÒSpock, weÕll do whatever
it takes to keep all of us safe—all of us, that includes you.Ó She hated how hard this was, how dark
and painful. ÒGod, is the Pon Farr always this damn dire?Ó
ÒNo,
it is not. But we chose to be
three, not two. We have made it...Ó
ÒProblematic,Ó
Jim said softly.
ÒIndeed.Ó
Jim
took a breath. ÒI need to tell you
something. I asked Bones to fit the
room up with audiovisual capability—just for him and only if he needs it
to enhance the biosensors, to give him the whole picture. HeÕs not going to be observing us the
entire time.Ó He met SpockÕs
eyes. ÒWeÕve studied tactics. We both know nothing trumps eyes on
target.Ó
SpockÕs
mouth ticked up. ÒThat explains the
look he had on his face when I asked him to do the same thing. For the same reason.Ó
Jim
grinned, then they looked at her.
She
held her hands up. ÒI came late to
this opera, remember? No tactics
classes for me, so I didnÕt ask him to set up the Pon
Farr Porn Channel. ThatÕs what I
have you two for.Ó She smiled at
them, letting them know she was fine with their precautions. ÒThank you. I love that you both care enough to
think ahead.Ó
She
pulled them in for a kiss, not a passionate one—God knew they were in for
plenty of that—just a tender one, a loving one. For her husbands, the men she loved more
than anyone.
Spock
led them to one of the sofas, where they sat together, cuddled up quietly, holding
hands, occasionally kissing, but mostly lost in their own thoughts until it was
time to go.
##
The
guest quarters were set to the highest level of soundproofing. They had the refit to thank for that,
had learned during the first five-year mission that there was no way of
predicting the decibel level or tones that might come out of any particular
alienÕs quarters—whether it be singing, snoring, or sex.
Any
actual furniture was out of the room—Christine knew Jim wanted anything
that he or Spock might use as a weapon to be removed. Cushy mats, deep enough they would still
be comfortable after hours of sex, lined the floor.
ÒWho did you say was going to be in the room?Ó she asked.
ÒTraveling
gymnastics team.Ó Jim grinned. ÒTruthfully, the quartermaster didnÕt
ask. I think he would rather just not
know when it comes to our special arrangement.Ó He walked over to the chiller. ÒPlenty of water.Ó He looked at her. ÒYouÕll need to stay hydrated.Ó Then a glance at Spock. ÒLet her. The biosensor canÕt do that.Ó
ÒI
will try.Ó
ÒDo
more than try. SheÕs our wife. To honor and protect, remember.Ó
ÒJim,
donÕt antagonize him.Ó
ÒChristine,
itÕs all right. HeÕs probably
feeling what I am. Possessive.Ó
ÒProtective,Ó
Jim said, his voice harsh.
ÒSemantics,
Jim.Ó
Jim
moved toward her.
Spock
held out his hand. ÒI would not, if
I were you.Ó
ÒNo?Ó He frowned. ÒIs it starting, then?Ó
ÒIt
is. And I am, at the moment, all
right with your presence here. I
accept you as part of this. If you
were to appear to be taking her from me in any way, however...Ó
ÒOkay.Ó
ÒIt
is safer with you in here, Jim. And
I want you in here.Ó
They
shared a bittersweet smile.
ÒI
donÕt mind watching.Ó Jim smiled at
her. ÒYou two are pretty when you
make love.Ó
She
smiled at him, knowing what he was doing.
Using words like that on purpose.
Pretty, making love. Nice
words, not hard words like rut or fire. Trying to keep their Spock with them,
keep the primal Spock pushed back.
She
was unsure what to do, looked at Spock and saw need for her in his eyes. She slowly peeled off her uniform. Both he and Jim watched her as if it was
the first time she had ever done it.
Jim
backed up until he was against the wall and he patted his leg, checking for the
phaser, she realized. She hoped to
hell Len wasnÕt watching this.
Then
she felt something deep in the part of her she thought of as belonging to their
bond. It was a burning feeling and
she moaned.
And
Spock moaned.
And Jim moaned softly, too.
ÒCome
to me,Ó Spock said.
She
walked to him, dropped to the mat and began to pull off his uniform, but he
stopped her. Instead he lay her out
in front of him, kissing up and down her body, stopping at her belly, going
more slowly down and down and then—
She
arched under his attack but right as she was ready to come, he eased off. She moaned in frustration.
ÒUndress
me.Ó He was breathing hard, his
eyes dilated, fixed on her.
She
nearly ripped off his uniform, murmuring, ÒFinish it, finish it,Ó as she
did.
As
soon as he was naked, he pushed her back down, resumed his attention and had
her nearly there and then—stopped.
ÒSpock,
God. Please.Ó She met his eyes. Saw passion, but also love. Realized he was doing this for a
reason. Not just to torment her.
He
was breathing hard as he stroked her legs, letting her settle down. She could hear Jim in the corner,
breathing hard, too, part of this even from his distance.
ÒPlease?Ó
she asked softly.
ÒAll
right.Ó He went down again, this
time moving slowly, lips and tongue and then fingers, building her up so gradually
she thought she might scream.
When
she finally came, she nearly passed out.
Spock
was in her before she was fully back, moving with a purpose that was more
intense than normal. But it didnÕt
hurt. She was slick, and she
realized that was what he had given her with his torture. HeÕd made her as ready as he could, as
relaxed as possible and she lay back and rode his passion out, kissing him when
he wanted that. Murmuring, ÒI love
you,Ó to try to ground him.
When
he came, he smiled, said, ÒWife,Ó as he rolled off. Then his eyes narrowed and he looked
over at Jim.
Jim
didnÕt move. His eyes were dilated;
he was clearly aroused. But he
didnÕt move.
Spock
nodded and turned back to her, and she breathed raggedly in relief. He kissed and nipped and sucked and his
fingers found her again, bringing her back to where sheÕd been, but she wasnÕt
ready yet to come again.
He
smiled—a fierce, possessive smile—and melded with her, and she felt
his fire fill her. He touched her
again, then again, and she began to squirm under his touch, her body suddenly
ready.
And
then he was on top of her again, his body against hers and the feeling of him
pulling her legs up around his waist made her come again. He let himself go and cried out as if he
was winning a war not just having sex.
Jim
moaned but stayed where he was.
Spock
didnÕt seem to notice the sound heÕd made.
Just rolled so she was astride him, let her rest there. ÒAre you all right?Ó he asked, his voice
a harsh rasp.
ÒSo
far so good.Ó She leaned in to kiss
him, and he kissed her back more tenderly than she expected.
ÒIs
Jim all right?Ó
ÒI
think so. You canÕt ask him
yourself?Ó
ÒI
do not think it wise. For him or
for me.Ó
ÒHeÕs
feeling it. What weÕre doing.Ó She touched his cheek. ÒHe may get very tired of watching.Ó
ÒBy
the end he may not have to just watch.Ó
Spock closed his eyes. ÒI need
you to move now. Give me pleasure.Ó
She
did what he asked. Whatever he
asked. Over and over and over.
##
She
could barely move when Spock finally let her go. She felt a cool sensation in her right
arm, realized Len had let another burst of energy restorers out.
She
crawled out from under SpockÕs arm and stumbled to the chiller, trying to get
more water.
Jim
moved in front of her. ÒChristine.Ó
ÒIÕm
all right. I just need water.Ó
He
reached for her.
ÒJim,
IÕm all right.Ó
He
was holding her, too tightly. She met
his eyes, realized his were filled with the same lust sheÕd seen in SpockÕs for
the last—God, how long had they been at this?
ÒJim,
I need water. I need a break. IÕm sore. Please?Ó
Suddenly,
Spock was behind her. ÒHe needs you.Ó
ÒIÕve
got an idea. You and him. HowÕs that?Ó She tried to squirm away, but they were
holding her, too tightly.
ÒNo,
Christine. He needs you.Ó
ÒNo,
please, I need water.
Please—Ó She was cut
short by the feeling of Spock letting go of her and slumping against her
back. Jim crumpled onto her lap.
LenÕs
voice sounded softly. ÒI can give
you twenty minutes, Christine. Then
JimÕs going to need you.Ó A drawer
popped out in the bathroom.
ÒThereÕs a healing unit in there.
Use it.Ó
ÒThank
you.Ó
ÒDo
you need me down there?Ó
ÒI
think that would be bad. They would
probably smell you on me.Ó
ÒYes,
they probably would.Ó He sighed
over the speaker. ÒIs there anything else you need?Ó
ÒI
donÕt suppose you have any Itazapam loaded up in my
biosensor?Ó She knew he
didnÕt. Energy restorers only, and
they werenÕt going to do anything for how overwhelmed she was starting to
feel. In fact, they were making it
worse.
ÒNo,
but thereÕs some in the drawer if youÕre feeling anxious—and I donÕt
blame you if you are. Also some
painkiller if the healing unit doesnÕt do the trick.Ó
ÒIs
Jim okay?Ó
ÒHeÕs
burning up, Christine. IÕm pushing
it by giving you twenty minutes, but you need a rest. I donÕt know how heÕs just sat
there. HeÕs essentially going through
this with you.Ó
ÒThe
manÕs willpower has willpower.Ó She
got up and found the healing unit, worked as fast as she could, sighing as she
did. ÒAnything you arenÕt telling
me?Ó
ÒNo,
Spock is fine. YouÕd be coming down
off this, I imagine, if Jim werenÕt in the mix.Ó
ÒWill
they wake up on their own?Ó
ÒIÕll
wake them up.Ó
She
shot herself first with the Itazapam, felt the soft
haze fill her and decided it was a little too soft. She loaded up more, was about to inject
it when Len said, ÒCareful with that.Ó
ÒYouÕre
not the one in danger of getting fucked to death.Ó
ÒYes,
but that will affect your response to him.
You donÕt know what that will do to him or how he treats you—or
how Spock feels about the whole thing.Ó
She
sighed and put the hypo back in the drawer. ÒDamn logic. Never let it be said you arenÕt full of
it.Ó She went back to work with the
healing unit, then put it in the drawer and shut it.
ÒNo
pain meds?Ó
ÒIÕm
fine for now. I may ask for a
healing coma when this is over, though.Ó She opened a water container, downed it
quickly. ÒIÕm so thirsty.Ó
ÒDrink
one of those gels, too.Ó
ÒYouÕre
like a mother hen, Len. Do you
still have video on? IÕm naked
here.Ó
ÒNothing
I havenÕt seen before. IÕll turn it
off when IÕm sure knocking them out hasnÕt ruined the vibe.Ó
ÒEver
the romantic.Ó She sighed and
sucked down the gel. It tasted like
medicine despite the attempt to disguise it as orange. But she knew it was good for her, full
of nutrients and electrolytes.
She
walked out the kinks for a little bit—her body ached from being on the
floor for so long. ÒWhere are you,
anyway?Ó
ÒMy
office.Ó
ÒHow
long have you been there?Ó
ÒNine
hours.Ó
ÒHoly
crap. IÕm sorry, Len.Ó
ÒHey,
as you said, IÕm not the one in danger of being fucked to death.Ó There was a weird silence. ÒYouÕre not...in danger of that. I wonÕt let that happen.Ó
ÒI
know. ItÕs just a handy turn of
phrase in a situation like this.
Joke or weep, you know?Ó She
took a deep breath, then went and lay back down between her two husbands. ÒGod, itÕs ripe in here. Shower first, then healing coma.Ó
ÒYou
got it, honÕ.
Wake them up?Ó
ÒDo
it.Ó
Spock
woke first, and she watched him carefully, keeping her eyes soft and sensuous,
as if sheÕd gone nowhere, done nothing in the time heÕd been out. He frowned slightly, then nodded. ÒYou are refreshed?Ó
ÒMore
or less.Ó
He
pulled her up, kissed her in a way that was tender compared to how he had been
going at her. ÒWife. He needs you.Ó
ÒI
know. IÕll take care of him. You need to help.Ó She pointed to the mats near where Jim
had been sitting for so long, where theyÕd laid out some of their favorite
things. ÒUse that before you help.Ó
He
nodded.
ÒI
mean it.Ó
ÒYes,
Christine.Ó He kissed her again,
and she took it as a good sign that it was the first time heÕd called her by
name.
ÒI
should probably use some of that.Ó
She started to move, felt hands on her waist, yanking her back.
ÒGive
her to me,Ó Jim said, his voice almost brutal, like nothing sheÕd ever
heard. ÒSheÕs mine.Ó
ÒEasy,
Jim,Ó both she and Spock said, and she was suddenly very glad Spock was there
as Jim pinned her down and Spock forced him off her.
ÒNo. Not like that, Jim. She is not ready for
you. Go slowly. She is our wife, not a thing.Ó
Christine
decided not to point out that Spock had spent the last nine hours treating her
more like a thing than a wife.
ÒYou
did it.Ó Jim knocked Spock
back. ÒYou had her. Any way you wanted her.Ó
She
was suddenly forgotten as Jim launched himself at Spock. She couldnÕt decide if she was relieved
or annoyed. Spock was going for the
neck pinch when she realized Jim still had the phaser.
TheyÕd
really thought him having a phaser was a good idea?
He
dropped Spock like a rock then turned to her. He let go of the phaser, and it bounced
to the mats. She thought Len might
knock him out again, then realized he couldnÕt. He had to let this go or Jim would die. But she saw Jim stumble a little and
realized Len must have shot some sedative in, enough to take some of the edge
off.
ÒJim,
sweetheart. IÕm here.Ó She tried her best voice with him, the
one she knew he loved. The
endearment he loved best.
He
caught her up, had her on the floor so fast her back screamed in protest, was
kissing her, touching her the way she liked, but not long enough—how
could she have become so distracted healing and hydrating that she hadnÕt thought
to get herself ready again?
And
Jim wasnÕt in the same state Spock had been in; he couldnÕt think of her first.
She
pushed him off her. ÒJim, no, give
me a minute.Ó It was the voice of
the doctor who made him get his physicals whether he liked it or not, the wife
who didnÕt care if he didnÕt want to take the damn trash out when it was his
turn.
He
was right back on her.
She
kicked him back this time, scrambled for the lube—if she could just get
to the bathroom, lock herself in long enough to get some in. Then it would be fine.
He
grabbed her ankle, jerked her back, his hand on her shoulder but she fought him
off, trying to push him away without making him madder, slipping aside again,
but he yanked her back and as he did, his elbow crashed into her cheekbone.
She
cried out, couldnÕt see as her eye started to water, tried to tell if she was
bleeding but he had hold of her arms. ÒJim, stop.Ó
He
threw her back on the mat roughly, and she could feel her face throbbing, knew
her eye was swelling shut. ÒJim,
please.Ó
ÒWant
you,Ó was all he said. And he
kissed her, his hands running over her face, making her cry out as he touched down
on her hurt cheek, as he bit her lip in his rush to kiss her.
She
felt a blast of coolness in her arm, knew Len was doing something with the
biosensor to help her. She felt
woozy—heÕd let the sedatives go.
As much as he probably dared.
It
still hurt like hell when Jim took her.
Jim
would never hurt her. She tried to
tell herself it wasnÕt him hurting her now. This wasnÕt really him, this man that
kept kissing her even though she was sure she was bleeding, even though she
cried out every time he touched her face, even though she was clearly in pain
every time he moved in and out of her.
This
wasnÕt Jim she was looking at. Even
if it was his voice saying he wanted her and she was his, as he pounded at her again
and again and again, until Spock finally woke up, crawled over to where they
had left the lube, made himself ready and yanked Jim off her. He got between them, making Jim take him
instead, until the fire finally died and Jim crawled off him, lay panting on
the mats, finally coming back to himself as Spock forced himself up, walking
slowly to the drawer and got the healing unit.
Jim
moved over to her.
ÒChristine.Ó He touched her
cheek.
She
tried not to flinch. She failed.
She
saw something in his eyes. Desire,
still, but also...shame. And guilt.
Spock
moved around him. She could see he
was having trouble not pushing Jim away from her as he worked on her. It was ironic, really, if she let
herself think that way. Jim had
promised to keep her safe from Spock.
None
of them had worried who would keep her safe from him.
##
She
woke in sickbay, in a darkened private room. Len was hovering over her, adjusting
something on the medical tricorder.
ÒWelcome back,Ó he said softly.
ÒOne healing coma as requested.
YouÕve been out for two days.Ó
She
looked around the room. They were
alone.
ÒIf
you are looking for either of your husbands, they are not allowed in here right
now.Ó
ÒSays
you?Ó
ÒSays
me.Ó He continued to work. ÒSee, I didnÕt think they needed to be
sitting around here when they could be talking about it and maybe working
things out. I also donÕt think
that, now that youÕre awake, Jim needs to see you clinging to Spock.Ó
ÒYou
think IÕd do that?Ó
ÒHell,
yes. IÕd do it if I were you. After what happened, anyone would. And if you do it, if Jim thinks youÕre
afraid of him, heÕll pull away. ItÕll
destroy him and itÕll destroy your marriage.Ó He put the tricorder on the bed and
pulled up a stool. ÒI donÕt always
understand your marriage, but I donÕt want to see it end.Ó
ÒIÕm
not sure it can end. WeÕre all
bonded.Ó
ÒAs
I understand it, there are ways to end it, if you had to. But theyÕre extreme.Ó He shrugged at her look. ÒI may have grilled MÕBenga.Ó
ÒJim
already knows IÕm afraid of him. I
flinched when he touched me.Ó
ÒI
know. I saw.Ó
ÒYou
saw all of it, didnÕt you?Ó
He
nodded. ÒI did what I could. I
tried to help you.Ó
ÒI
know. It did help a little.Ó
ÒNot
enough. You were pretty torn up.Ó
ÒDonÕt
tell Jim that.Ó
ÒI
didnÕt have to, Christine. He knows. The state he was in, though, when he did
it...he just didnÕt care.Ó
ÒSo
much for willpower.Ó She shook her
head. ÒWe need a Plan B for next
time. Jim waiting that long for his
turn is clearly not a workable option.Ó
He
smiled. ÒIÕll tell them you said
that. It just might make their
day.Ó
She
frowned, not following his logic.
ÒTheyÕre
both convinced youÕre going to request a transfer and never come back.Ó
ÒTheyÕre
both idiots.Ó
ÒI
donÕt disagree. Nevertheless,
theyÕre not getting in here until I say they can.Ó
ÒFine.Ó She sniffed, wrinkled her nose. Sickbay decon
only did so much. ÒCan I shower?Ó
ÒUse
the staff shower. Do not go back to
your quarters.Ó
ÒYes,
Captain McCoy.Ó
He
grinned. ÒIÕll go tell them youÕre
awake. And in good spirits all
things considered. Anything else I
should say?Ó
ÒTell
them I love them.Ó
ÒI
think IÕll save that for you to tell them.
IÕll just mention the Plan B notion.Ó
She
smiled. ÒFine.Ó Once he was gone, she dug out some clean
patient pajamas and went to the shower room, losing herself in the feeling of
being clean.
When
she was done, she stared at herself in the mirror, waiting for the steam to
clear. As it did, she saw her body
emerge in the glass, no marks showing anywhere, and she knew she was healed on
the inside, too. Nothing to show
that sheÕd been hurt.
That
sheÕd been used. That it had been
worse than sheÕd expected.
And
that the husband that hurt her had not been the one sheÕd thought.
She
remembered how upset Janice had been when the imposter Kirk had tried to rape
her. Jim had told her it had not
been an imposter, that heÕd been split in half, strong and weak. That the one whoÕd gone after Janice had
been his strong half. His cruel
half.
That
hadnÕt been the Jim sheÕd been with, but she wondered if he thought it was.
SheÕd
been with a human under Vulcan compulsion.
A human whoÕd had to fight the compulsion for too long. TheyÕd planned but theyÕd planned
wrong.
Which
all sounded fine until she closed her eyes and saw him over her, face screwed
up, holding her down, lips hard on hers.
Not stopping, never stopping.
But
for Spock...
Len
was right. Now was not the time for
her husbands to be in sickbay. She
turned away from the mirror, dried off, and put on the clean pajamas. When she came out, Len was in his office
and he waved her in.
ÒBet
it feels good to be clean.Ó
She
nodded.
ÒLotsa time to think in a shower.Ó
She
nodded again.
ÒHold
your hand up.Ó
She
did. It was trembling violently.
He
passed her the hypo sheÕd loaded during the pon farr. ÒNow you
can have this.Ó
She
pressed it into her arm, felt the haziness fill her. ÒIÕm terrified of Jim.Ó
ÒI
know. HeÕs terrified of you,
too. Of what he did to you.Ó
ÒWhat
am I going to do? I canÕt stay in
here forever.Ó
He
held his hand out for the hypo, reached into his desk, loaded it up again, and
handed it back to her. ÒSleep. Let
your brain sort things out without you getting in the way.Ó
She
slammed the hypo against her arm, as if punishing herself for needing it.
The
haze turned to something darker.
She could barely keep her eyes open. She felt Len take her arm. ÒCome on, darlinÕ.Ó
ÒDonÕt
let them in.Ó
ÒI
wonÕt. DonÕt worry.Ó
She
got to the bed just before the blackness hit.
##
Christine
stood at the door to their quarters.
They werenÕt expecting her.
SheÕd told Len not to tell them she was coming home tonight.
She
palmed the door open, found them both working silently, one on each side of the
room. There was a tension between
them, but it was the kind that had been given time to settle and grow
cold. Len had been wrong: theyÕd
worked nothing out while sheÕd been away from them. She could tell just by looking.
They
both were surprised to see her.
Spock didnÕt bother hiding it.
A myriad of emotions passed over JimÕs face, none of them particularly
good.
ÒIÕm
home.Ó She stood in the doorway,
unsure what to do, but when she saw Spock start to move, she moved first,
coming into the room to stand between them. She knew she could not favor Spock.
Even
if she wanted to. Even if somehow
he suddenly stood for savior to her.
ÒIÕm
hungry. Have you eaten?Ó She looked at Jim then at Spock. ÒI want to have dinner with my
husbands.Ó
ÒIÕm
not hungry.Ó Jim went back to his
padd.
ÒThatÕs
really not what I asked.Ó She could
hear her voice shake but didnÕt move.
ÒAnd I really donÕt fucking care if youÕre not hungry.Ó
ÒChristine.Ó Spock rose, his hand out.
ÒI
assume youÕre hungry?Ó
ÒI
am.Ó
ÒExcellent. One on board, then.Ó
Jim
didnÕt look up.
ÒWhatÕs
the matter, Captain? Afraid of a
little meal?Ó
Jim
stood up so suddenly he kicked his chair over. He tried to move past her, but she
grabbed his arm. ÒGoddamn it, Christine.Ó
ÒYou
donÕt get to run away. I didnÕt get
to, Jim. So you donÕt get to. We have to face this.Ó
ÒWhat? That I raped you?Ó
Spock
sat down slowly.
ÒYou
didnÕt rape me.Ó
ÒDidnÕt
I?Ó He reached for her, the way he
always did when he wanted to kiss her.
He watched her intently as he did it. ÒYou look terrified.Ó
ÒThatÕs
because I am terrified. The Pon Farr was traumatic. That does not mean it was rape. You were not yourself. But that doesnÕt mean you didnÕt hurt
me. These may be semantics, but
they are semantics that matter.Ó
She swallowed hard. ÒWe just
have to work through this. And if
you wonÕt stay, we canÕt.Ó
ÒWhy
do you want me to? I hurt you.Ó
ÒSpock
hurt me, too. By the end of my time
with him. But I had a chance to heal
myself. I just didnÕt expect you
to...I wasnÕt ready. ItÕs not your
fault.Ó
He
looked down. ÒIÕm not hungry,
Christine. Go eat with Spock.Ó
ÒSo
you can wallow? When did you get to
be such a coward?Ó
ÒChristine,
he does not deserve that.Ó
ÒShut
up!Ó She whirled on Spock. ÒGod damn it. I just want to eat with both of you. IÕve been alone for days. Is that too much to ask?Ó She turned and went to the door. ÒFine. Just stay here and donÕt talk and let it
fester and kill us. I donÕt
care.Ó She walked out and went to
the mess.
Hoping
to God that her husbands cared enough about their marriage to come after her.
They
didnÕt.
She
slept on one of the cots in sickbay that night.
##
She
went into their quarters the next morning once she was sure they were on the
bridge. Moved around the room,
touching things that used to be theirs and now just felt like his or hers or
his.
The
door opened and she turned around, saw that it was Spock. He did not seem surprised to see her.
ÒI
came for some of my things,Ó she said.
ÒIÕve had the quartermaster assign me some temporary quarters.Ó
He
frowned. ÒUpon whose
authority?Ó He and Jim were the
ones who would normally sign such orders.
ÒYours,
actually. You shouldnÕt borrow my padds so often.
I copied one of your old requests.Ó
ÒThat
is improper.Ó
ÒWell,
feel free to throw me in the brig, Spock.
IÕll be happy to tell anyone who asks why I did it.Ó
ÒAll
you had to do was ask me.Ó
ÒAnd
make you the bad guy with Jim? No
thanks.Ó She grabbed a
carryall. ÒHow is he?Ó
ÒYou
saw how he is.Ó
ÒHow
are you two? I mean together. You having sex?Ó
ÒNo.Ó
ÒAre
you sleeping in the same bed?Ó
ÒAs
you know, I do not need much sleep.Ó
ÒAre
you even talking? You werenÕt when
I walked in.Ó
He
didnÕt answer.
ÒWeÕre
just falling apart all over, then, arenÕt we?Ó She turned. ÒThank you, by the way. For helping me. For saving me.Ó She went back to throwing things in her
bag.
ÒI
was afraid for you.Ó
ÒWell,
I was afraid for me, too, so weÕre even.Ó
ÒChristine,
do not go. I do not want our
marriage to end.Ó
ÒNeither
do I. But I canÕt stay here, in
this tiny room when the atmosphere is so damn toxic. I want all of us to talk. I want us to figure this out. But we need space to do that, I think.Ó
ÒDo
you still love me?Ó
ÒYou
or both of you?Ó
He
had to think about that. ÒMe.Ó
ÒI
love both of you.Ó
He
forged on as if she had answered his original question. ÒIf Jim were to ask us to leave, would
you stay with me?Ó
She
narrowed her eyes. ÒIs he going to
ask us to leave?Ó
ÒIt
is possible. He will want to keep
the ship if he gives us up.Ó
ÒWhy
does he need to give us up?Ó She
sat down on the bed. ÒShit. Are you serious? This isnÕt some game of yours to get me
to stay here and not move to guest quarters?Ó
ÒHe
is struggling. He cannot get past
what he did to you.Ó
ÒIt
wasnÕt him. He didnÕt mean to.Ó
ÒI
know this. You know this. Somewhere perhaps he knows
this—but he does not feel this
and that is what we are dealing with.Ó
She
sighed loudly. ÒOkay, this is how
it goes down. WeÕre going to
talk. In the bed I bought when you two
left and didnÕt come back.Ó
He
had the grace to look slightly sheepish.
ÒIÕll
mix the drug cocktail thatÕll get him relaxed enough to open up. You get him here. If it takes all night we talk this
through.Ó
He
nodded. ÒAnd if he wants to have
sex in that mood, once weÕve talked this through?Ó
ÒThen
we will have sex, and you, mister, are going to have to give us the meld of all
melds, down-to-the-bond level meld.
Remind me why IÕm not afraid of him—or of you.Ó
ÒAre
you afraid of me?Ó
ÒNot
right now. You stopped him. But once we start having sex, I donÕt
know. I might flash back.Ó She shrugged.
ÒI
understand.Ó
She
walked to him, touched his arm.
ÒOur part, it wasnÕt bad.
You went out of your way for me.
I think weÕll be fine. With
him, things just spiraled out of control.Ó
ÒYes.Ó
ÒSo
have him here after shift. IÕll
meet you here.Ó She turned to go.
He
stopped her. ÒI need to hold you.Ó
ÒAnd
I need to be held. But holding
would turn into kissing, and I donÕt want to do that now. I donÕt want to cheat on Jim.Ó
He
nodded and moved past her to the door.
Then he turned to look at her, the door bumping his hip softly. ÒYou did not answer my question. If this does not work and he asks us to transfer,
will you stay with me?Ó
She
met his eyes and sighed softly.
ÒYes.Ó
##
Christine
was in the lab when Len found her.
He
stood for a moment, watching her work, then said, ÒOh, sweetie, you are playing
with fire.Ó
ÒMy
fire to play with.Ó
ÒYouÕre
going to use that on Jim, I take it?Ó
ÒNothing
wrong with your deductive reasoning.Ó
ÒHighly. Unethical.Ó
ÒFighting
for my marriage. DonÕt really
care.Ó She turned to look at
him. ÒSpock thinks heÕs going to
transfer us off.Ó
ÒYouÕre
his spouses. He canÕt just transfer
you off. Moreover, he wouldnÕt.Ó
ÒI
know him well enough to think he could.
Or he can make it uncomfortable enough—cold enough—that we
beg for it.Ó She laughed, a short,
brittle expulsion of air that barely qualified as amusement. ÒNot like it hasnÕt happened before when
heÕs let someone get too close, cared too much. Janice. Ensign Garrovick. Helen Noel. Will Decker being the latest case. Oh, forgot one: Lieutenant Moreau.Ó
ÒHow
the devil do you know about her?Ó
ÒCompared
JimÕs logs to transfer dates.Ó She
finished with the concoction. ÒHe
may transfer me off for doing this to him.Ó
ÒAnd
IÕll back him one hundred percent.Ó
She
turned to look at him. ÒI want what
we had back.Ó
ÒItÕs
only been a few days, Christine.
For GodÕs sake give it some time.
Give him some time.Ó
ÒYou
didnÕt see him. HeÕs gone, Len. HeÕs so deep in whatever emotion heÕs
wallowing in, thatÕs heÕs never coming back. Not without help. And SpockÕs not willing to do it.Ó
ÒThatÕs
because Spock—Ó Len looked
away.
ÒI
know. SomethingÕs changed. Spock seems to want me for himself. But I think thatÕs protection. I think heÕs shaken by what he saw. Jim was his rock as much as mine. And heÕs sunken as deeply as Jim is in
whatever dark emotional place heÕs gone to. Scarily, IÕm the sanest one of the bunch
at the moment.Ó She dug into her
pocket, pulled out another hypo.
ÒThis oneÕs for Spock.Ó
Len
closed his eyes, but when he opened them again, there was a trace of amused
admiration in the disapproval. ÒI
should put you in the brig.Ó
ÒMaybe
you should. I might even welcome
it. Not having to do this.Ó She swallowed hard. ÒIÕm not sure I want to hear what they
have to say. What if they would
rather I leave? IÕll be straight with you, Len. When we were rescued off that ice world,
Jim and Spock left me. I was
abandoned and the only reason they came back for me was because Jim lost the Enterprise. He chose Spock, and he said then it was
because Spock was on the ship, but what if it wasnÕt? What if theyÕre the primary pair and IÕm
just the girlfriend?Ó
ÒThatÕs
not how it works.Ó
ÒBut
what if it is? What if thatÕs what
I find out? The truth is going to
be out there, in the middle of us, of our marriage. Nothing in these hypos will take their
memories away. Or mine.Ó
He
studied her. ÒYouÕve been living
with these doubts all this time?Ó
ÒNo. Jim and Spock came back to me and I
guess I buried these feelings. ItÕs
been so good with them. I love
them. I love them more than I
thought I could ever love one person, much less two. ThatÕs why I have to do this. IÕm a rip the bandage off fast person,
you know that.Ó
ÒHowÕs
that worked out for you?Ó
ÒStop
it.Ó
He
held out his hand for the hypos.
ÒJust wait a day. If you
still want to do it, IÕll give these back to you.Ó
She
shook her head.
ÒI
need to talk to Jim, then. Not
about this. I just want to see
where his headÕs at. YouÕre not
going to shoot me full of something to stop me, are you?Ó
She
laughed softly. ÒNo. If you can tell me you think heÕll come
around, IÕll delay this.Ó
ÒOkay. Just give me time.Ó
She
nodded, put the hypos in her pocket, and went back to work.
##
ÒKirk
to Chapel.Ó
She
frowned, looked around to see if Len was in his office. He wasnÕt. Damn it all. What had he done? She hit the annunciator. ÒChapel here.Ó
ÒPlease
come to our quarters now.Ó
ÒIÕm
a little busy.Ó
ÒMaybe
you donÕt recognize an order when you hear one, Lieutenant.Ó
She
closed her eyes, said, ÒAye-aye, sir.
IÕll be there on the double.Ó
She locked the hypos away in her desk drawer—no telling what Len
had told Jim, but she was not going
to get caught with the evidence—and hurried to their quarters.
Jim
sat alone, staring at the star stream.
ÒHello, Christine.Ó
ÒJim.Ó
He
turned. His face was not that of
her husband, but of the captain of the Enterprise. ÒIÕve talked it over with Bones. YouÕll be assigned to Gamma shift until
further notice.Ó
She
tried and failed to keep her jaw from dropping open. ÒAnd Spock?Ó
ÒI
need Spock to stay on Alpha shift.
Believe me, heÕd be on Beta shift if I could spare him.Ó
ÒNice.Ó She saw two carryalls packed by the
door. SheÕd walked right by them as
she came in. ÒThose?Ó
ÒYour
things. You said the other day this
place was too small. I agree: right
now it is. IÕve assigned you
quarters of your own. Spock,
too. Feel free to move in with him
if you need to. WeÕre married,
after all. Not like youÕll be
cheating on me when IÕm the one sending you away.Ó
ÒWhy
are you doing this?Ó
ÒI
had a good talk with Bones. He let
me see I need to do this. To show
that I was serious about keeping you on the ship but need time to process what
happened. Those were his exact
words. I find
them...concerning. I also found his
urgency concerning. What did you have
planned? Some kind of...intervention?Ó
She
knew her expression gave away too much.
ÒJim, we need to talk. We
donÕt need to be exiled.Ó
He
got up, walked over to her. Stood
just far enough away that he wasnÕt in her personal space and she didnÕt feel
threatened. ÒI hurt you. I have nightmares about how I hurt
you. And I hurt Spock, too. Trying to get to you to hurt you some
more.Ó He shook his head. ÒI love the two of you more than
anything. I went into that room
wanting to protect you. And IÕm the
thing that hurt you.Ó
His
eyes were shining with the rawest pain sheÕd ever seen. She reached out for him, and he let her
touch his neck and pull him close.
They stood for a moment, foreheads resting against each other.
ÒI
love you,Ó he whispered. ÒI just
need time. DonÕt force me. Please donÕt force me.Ó
ÒAll
right.Ó She pulled away.
ÒDonÕt
be mad at Bones, Christine. He
loves you so much. You have no idea
how protective heÕs been of you.
Let him protect me now.Ó
She
nodded.
ÒAnd
I meant it. About Spock. And IÕll tell him the same thing. You need to have sex. You need to have sex that isnÕt cruel
and hard. And for now, heÕs the one
who didnÕt hurt you. Let him hold
you. Let him love you. IÕll be back. I just donÕt know when.Ó
She
looked down, was trying not to cry.
ÒI love you.Ó
ÒAnd
I love you. I do. I married you. This is not me abandoning you. But you donÕt get to decide when IÕm
ready to come back, when IÕm ready to be...loved again.Ó He shook his head and turned back to the
star stream.
ÒJim?Ó
ÒYes?Ó
ÒI
really am going to come up with Plan B.Ó
She
heard him laugh. A small laugh but
still a laugh.
If
it meant they were looking anywhere close to the future, it was a start.
##
She
carried her bags to her new quarters.
Len was waiting by the turbolift.
ÒYou
still talking to me?Ó
ÒYouÕre
my boss. I have to talk to you.Ó
ÒNot
what I meant.Ó
She
sighed and handed him one of her carryalls. ÒYes, IÕm still talking to you. I take it you didnÕt tell him about the
hypos.Ó
ÒNope. Just told him he was going to lose you
two if he didnÕt do something.Ó
ÒOld
busybody.Ó
ÒHey,
who you calling old?Ó He smiled at
her. Then his smile changed. ÒSomeoneÕs waiting for you.Ó
She
looked up. Spock was waiting at the
door to her quarters. When they
reached him, Len handed him her carryall and said, ÒHave a good evening, you
two,Ó and headed back down the corridor.
ÒMy
quarters are just there,Ó Spock said, pointing across the hall.
ÒConvenient.Ó
ÒIndeed.Ó Spock was looking at her with no
apparent attempt to hide his need for her.
ÒCome
in.Ó She put her carryall down,
heard him do the same, had barely turned before heÕd caught her up in his arms,
holding her tightly, head buried in her neck.
ÒI
have missed you so,Ó he said.
She
resisted asking if he missed Jim just as much or more. It didnÕt matter. Jim wasnÕt here. HeÕd be here, hopefully, someday. But for now, it was just she and Spock.
She
nuzzled his cheek, worked her way to his ear and heard him sigh. He lifted his face to her and they
kissed. He seemed to be going out
of his way to keep the pace slow, the touches gentle.
He
sat on the bed, pulled her astride him and she wrapped her arms and legs around
him as they kissed for a long time, getting reacquainted.
ÒIÕve
missed you, too, Spock,Ó she murmured between kisses. ÒI love you.Ó
ÒDo
you wish to go further?Ó He was
rubbing under her uniform top, his hands hot against her skin.
ÒThat
feels good. Touching me. Holding me. Sleeping with me would be nice—not
to be alone in bed. But maybe sex
some other time?Ó She looked
down. ÒIÕm sorry.Ó
He
tilted her chin up. ÒDo not be
sorry. I would not have asked if I had
not wanted an honest answer.Ó He
looked around her quarters. ÒDo you
wish to live here or with me?Ó
ÒWith
you,Ó she whispered, as if it was a crime to want to be with the husband who
still wanted her with him.
ÒGood. I want that as well.Ó He eased her off his lap, rose and
picked up her carryalls and led her across the hall. He changed the door access to allow her
entry before anything else, then asked her if she was hungry.
ÒI
am but I donÕt want to go to the mess.Ó
He
dug in the carryall Jim had packed for him, found a nutrition bar. She chewed it slowly while he made room
in his drawers and closet for her.
ÒAre
we cheating on him?Ó
ÒWe
are not. Primarily because he told
us to do this. But also, were any
of us to be assigned somewhere away from the rest, the remaining two would
revert to a pairing.Ó
Like
when they left her on Earth and went back to the ship. God, why couldnÕt she let that go?
He
walked over to her. ÒWe are
maintaining our marriage. When Jim
is ready, we will be waiting for him.
And we will be in a healthier place than we are now, more fit to welcome
him back. You know this is true.Ó
She
smiled. ÒYou can rationalize
anything.Ó
ÒAdmittedly. But I am also right.Ó He eyed the nutrition bar. ÒI am hungry, too.Ó
She
held it out to him, smiled as he took a bite. ÒIÕve missed you.Ó
ÒAnd
I have missed you. More than you
know.Ó
They
finished the bar and climbed into bed naked. She thought it would be strange
disrobing in front of him with everything between them, but he pulled her
uniform off very clinically, then his own just as dispassionately. As they lay in bed, he let his hands
roam everywhere, soothing and loving but never lingering anywhere designed to
arouse her—although she could tell he was aroused, but they both ignored
it.
As
she lay cuddled against him, he fell asleep, one arm slung around her, holding
her tightly to him. She could count
the number of times he had fallen asleep before she did on one hand. She wondered if he had slept at all
since the Pon Farr.
##
She
felt Spock getting out of bed, turned and said, ÒWhat time is it?Ó
ÒIt
is...you still have time...Ó He was
half out of the bed, turned away.
ÒIf you will excuse me for a moment?Ó
ÒSpock?Ó She pulled him back. ÒIf you just have to go to the bathroom,
thatÕs fine. But if youÕre going in
there to...take care of things, tell me that.Ó
He
let out a ragged breath. ÒI
underestimated what being near you again would feel like.Ó
ÒAnd
youÕre going to go in there and handle it all by yourself?Ó
ÒI
do not wish to burden you.Ó
She
pulled him back into bed. ÒWell,
letÕs leave that as option two, shall we?Ó
She kissed him slowly, made it as good a kiss as she could make it.
He
actually moaned.
ÒMake
me ready, Spock. Go slow. When you take me, go slow.Ó
ÒYou
could take me. Control this.Ó
ÒTrue. But I think itÕs important that you
control this, and that you do that and not hurt me. I think we both need you to be able to
multitask in that area, donÕt you think?Ó
ÒYou
are probably correct.Ó
ÒJust
probably?Ó She moaned; he was
already kissing down her body, had reached her chest.
ÒMost
certainly correct.Ó He gave himself
over to sucking, to kissing, to reaching down and using his elegant fingers to
make her ready.
It
took her longer than usual to relax, but he was infinitely patient. His kisses were never rushed, he found
new ways to move his fingers until she suddenly felt it, the build up of
tension, the coming explosion.
ÒYes,Ó
he said, watching her as if she was the only thing in his world. ÒYes, Christine.Ó
He
found an even better rhythm and she fell and fell, almost crying in
relief—sheÕd tried this by herself, could not get even remotely close. Had been afraid she might never get close
again.
He
rubbed his fingers over her chest, then sucked where heÕd done it while her
insides became a little less sensitive.
Then she pulled him onto her, helped him slide into her, slowly, so
slowly. He moved as if she would
break, and she didnÕt mind.
Once
he was in, as he smoothed her hair off her face and kissed her, she did start
crying.
ÒAre
you all right? Do you wish me
to...?Ó He started to withdraw.
She
wrapped her legs around him, holding him in place. ÒI was so afraid I wouldnÕt be able
to.Ó She pulled him down to her,
kissed him with a passion she could tell surprised him. ÒLove me.Ó
He
smiled. A real, honest-to-God
smile. ÒThis is not a difficult
request, Christine.Ó And then he
started to move. Gently, but enough
so she felt it, so he clearly felt it, too. He closed his eyes, his mouth slipped
open just a bit, and he moved with intent.
With each gentle thrust, he came closer and closer until finally he
groaned and let himself go, slumping onto her.
She
could tell he was afraid he was hurting her, so she held him tightly, letting
him rest, still inside her, her arms and legs wrapped around him as they kissed
lazily. ÒI love you,Ó she murmured.
ÒI
love you, too,Ó he said, and his eyes as he looked at her were filled with a
peace that had been missing for days.
ÒIt was good.Ó
ÒIt
was very good, Spock.Ó She smiled
as she let him go.
He
rolled off her, pulling her with him, so they lay cradled together on their
sides. ÒI may wake again. My need for you is great.Ó
ÒI
donÕt mind.Ó She kissed him, could
already feel her eyes closing.
She
felt his lips on hers as she surrendered to sleep.
##
Christine
was in the mess when she realized someone was standing by her table. She looked up, saw it was Jim. ÒHi.Ó
ÒHi. Want company?Ó
ÒIÕd
love company.Ó
ÒSpock
joining you?Ó He looked around the
mess.
ÒNo,
heÕs in the lab.Ó
ÒNot that I donÕt want him here.Ó He
seemed in a rush to say that.
ÒOf
course not.Ó This was beyond
awkward. It used to be so easy to
talk to him.
He
smiled at her. He looked tan and
fit. She knew heÕd been working out
a lot, spending time in the sunroom.
It was good for depression and working out frustrations, she just hoped
he wasnÕt overdoing it.
ÒYou
look good,Ó she said.
ÒYou,
too.Ó He reached for the pepper,
applied it liberally to his salad.
ÒYou moved in with Spock?Ó
ÒI
did. WeÕre married, after all. Just waiting for you now.Ó
ÒYou
guys look good together.
Happy.Ó He met her
eyes. ÒYouÕre sleeping with him,
right? I mean...sex not just
slumber.Ó
She
nodded.
ÒAnd
youÕre okay?Ó
ÒI
am.Ó
ÒJust
okay or really fine.Ó
ÒIÕm
really fine. I was afraid that I
wouldnÕt be. But I am.Ó
He
looked down, seemed to be playing with his lettuce. ÒDo you think youÕll be really fine with
me...I mean when IÕm ready to come home?Ó
Home. They were still home to him. She smiled ÒI think so. I think you were smart. If weÕd done it my way, I probably
wouldnÕt have been ready. This was
better. Ease me back into it.Ó
ÒGood IÕm glad.Ó He looked down. ÒBut the thing is, you and Spock have
this time now. IÕll never have it.Ó
ÒYou
and Spock had the Enterprise before
you came back to include me again. IÕll
never have that. How is it
different?Ó
He
seemed surprised at the bitterness in her voice.
She
smiled, tried to take some of the sting from her words. ÒThere may be times when weÕre not all
together. And we deal with it
then. Right now, Spock and I are a
couple. But weÕre missing you. WeÕre happy. We could be happier, though. And I know you know that.Ó She pushed her tray away, suddenly not
hungry. ÒOur bed feels...small.Ó
He
smiled gently. ÒOur bed feels way
too big for one person.Ó
ÒWell,
hopefully weÕll get three back in it pretty soon.Ó She looked down. ÒOr do you just want Spock?Ó
ÒWhat?Ó
ÒYou
didnÕt change his shift. I know you
said heÕs crucial but still. If you
donÕt want me in this anymore, would you tell me?Ó
ÒHow
can you even think that? I watch
you and Spock—I donÕt think you are even aware how together you two look—and I feel left out. I wonder if IÕm wanted. You loved
him first, Christine.Ó
She
sighed. ÒI donÕt just want
Spock. I want us all back together
the way we were.Ó
ÒItÕll
never be the way it was.Ó He looked
down.
ÒOkay,
I accept that. I want us all back
together the way it is now and how it will be. WeÕve been through something awful. And, Jim, the hellish thing is that in
seven years, give or take, weÕre going to go through it again. We werenÕt ready for it this time
because we thought love could conquer all.
Next time, weÕll know better.
Love and a better plan will conquer all.Ó
He
shot her a crooked smile. ÒHow can
you be the practical one here?
YouÕre the one who got hurt the most.Ó
ÒIÕm
not sure thatÕs true, Jim. IÕm not
sure thatÕs true at all.Ó She
reached out her hand to him, palm up.
He
took her hand, squeezed it, watching her face the whole time, seemed
unaccountably relieved when her expression didnÕt change, when she didnÕt
flinch at his touch.
ÒI
love you, Jim Kirk. I want us all
back in our bed. Spock is wonderful,
but I miss you—and he does, too.Ó
ÒYouÕre
the best wife I could have picked.Ó
ÒDamned
straight.Ó She eyed the cookies on
his plate. ÒCan I have one of
those?Ó
ÒYou
think IÕm going to share?Ó
She
batted her eyelashes at him in an obvious display.
He
laughed and said, ÒOh, all right.Ó
She
let go of his hand and snatched one.
As she ate it happily, he started to talk, hesitantly at first, but then
more comfortably. Not about
anything in particular, just normal ship stuff.
Normal
ship stuff had never sounded so wonderful.
##
Christine
knew that Jim and Spock would be on the bridge until they were ready to head to
Starbase 16 for the mandatory sector meeting. TheyÕd be gone for two days. Not long, but long enough.
She
hurried to their old quarters, palmed the door, and was happy to see Jim had
not taken her off. She took a
moment to look around. It seemed
empty with her and SpockÕs things gone.
The bed must seem very big to Jim when he went to sleep at night.
She
didnÕt have time for getting sappy.
The shuttle would be here soon and her husbands would be on it. She went to the nightstand on the far
side of the bed, where theyÕd always kept their Òtoys.Ó Everything was still there. She felt a pang at the thought that Jim
hadnÕt moved anything, at the idea of nostalgia. She had almost hoped sheÕd find some of
the things gone, that theyÕd have thought of this themselves, but the selfish
part of her was glad they hadnÕt.
She
could give this to them.
She
grabbed what she needed, shoved it in the small shaving kit sheÕd brought, and
hurried to the transporter room, just in time to meet Jim and Spock as they got
off the turbo lift.
ÒChristine?Ó JimÕs smile was easy. TheyÕd been spending more time together
since heÕd found her in the mess.
The three of them. The two
of them. A lunch here. A breakfast there. Jim had even put her back on Alpha
shift.
She
handed him the shaving kit. ÒYou
forgot something, dear.Ó She was
trying not to laugh.
He
peeked into the case, showed it to Spock who raised an eyebrow at the selection
of lubes sheÕd shoved in there.
ÒPerhaps on purpose. DonÕt
you want us to wait for you?Ó
She
smiled, felt a small part of her say that ÒYes, yes she did,Ó but she ignored
it. ÒUse the time. Reforge your
own relationship. ItÕs
important.Ó She looked at
Spock. ÒYou know IÕm right.Ó
ÒI
do.Ó He looked at Jim. ÒShe is right.Ó
Jim
pulled her to him, a tight hug—one he immediately started to let go, as
if heÕd forgotten about everything that had happened.
So
she pulled him tighter, letting him know it was okay. ÒI love you. Now get out of here and have fun.Ó
He
kissed her quickly on the lips and said, ÒI love you, too.Ó Then he walked into the transporter
room.
SpockÕs
lips ticked up. ÒYou are generous.Ó
ÒItÕs
part of the arrangement, I think.Ó
She moved closer. ÒI had you
all this time to myself. He should
have you for a few days. Use them
well, husband.Ó
ÒI
shall. You will be all right?Ó
ÒOf
course I will be. IÕm surrounded by
friends.Ó She felt him take her
hand; the way they were standing hid the movement from anyone.
He
squeezed her hand gently. ÒI have
never had cause to regret our marriage, Christine. Never.Ó
She
squeezed back and then let him go.
ÒGet out of here, mister.Ó
ÒI
will see you soon.Ó
He
turned, went into the transporter room.
She knew theyÕd be gone in moments.
With a deep breath, she went back to work.
Once
her shift ended, she went back to the quarters she shared with Spock, found
herself at loose ends without him there so she walked to the mess hall.
She
saw Uhura and Rand sitting at a table near the back and went over. ÒHey, room for me?Ó
Rand
looked up, her smile not entirely welcoming. ÒYouÕve been pretty distant lately.Ó
Uhura
nodded.
ÒOkay. So no room for me.Ó She turned on her heel and walked
out. There were auxiliary
messes. She could grab something
and go.
ÒChristine,
damn it, wait up.Ó Rand was running
after her. ÒLook, of course thereÕs
room for you. But we know
somethingÕs been going on and you wonÕt talk to us. You were in sickbay, for GodÕs sake after
you and Spock and the captain disappeared.
And you did not talk to us.Ó
ÒIÕm
married to a Vulcan and the most private man I know. I couldnÕt have talked to you about this,
even if IÕd wanted to, which I didnÕt.
Some things you have to work out inside the marriage.Ó
Rand
tried staring her down, which often in the past had made Christine crack, but
Christine knew sheÕd changed a lot since sheÕd married her men, and never more
than over the past month.
ÒOkay,
just tell me two things. One: are
you okay? You Christine? And two: is your marriage okay?Ó
ÒIÕm
fine. The marriage...I canÕt
really—Ó
Rand
held up her hand. ÒFair
enough. As long as youÕre okay.Ó
ÒIÕm
fine.Ó
Rand
studied her, then seemed to relax.
ÒOkay. Come back in and let Ny and I regale you with tales of how we crashed and burned
with Rondeson trying to recreate what you and your
boys have. That guy was a jerk.Ó
ÒI
wondered what happened to him.Ó
ÒThe
husband you donÕt appear to be currently living with transferred him off. We had nothing to do with it. Man brought it on himself. Real fuck-up on top of being a jerk.Ó
Christine
smiled and followed Rand back into the mess.
Uhura
smiled at her when they got back to the table. ÒI got you cake. You can get whatever else you want, but
they were almost out of that, and itÕs your favorite, and you looked like you
could really use some chocolate.Ó
Christine was touched. ÒThank you.Ó
ÒYouÕre
welcome.Ó Uhura looked at
Rand. ÒShe all right?Ó
ÒStanding
right here.Ó
Rand
gave a shrug that clearly said, ÒTell you later.Ó Then she started to laugh. ÒI told her
weÕd regale her with Rondeson is an asshole stories.Ó
ÒOh
my God. WeÕve got so much to catch
you up on. Go get your dinner so we
can talk while you eat.Ó
Christine
grabbed something and got back to the table as quickly as she could, happy to
spend the evening laughing at the comedy team that was Ny
and Jan skewering love gone wrong.
##
Christine
felt someone crawling into bed with her, hot rather than warm hands on her hip
told her it was Spock. ÒYouÕre
back.Ó
ÒI
am.Ó
She
rolled over, cuddled against him.
ÒNo Jim?Ó
ÒI
asked him to wait.Ó
She
lifted her eyebrow in what she thought was a creditable copy of his, then
realized he couldnÕt see it in the near total darkness. ÒWhy?Ó
ÒBecause
tomorrow I am going to beam over to the Tananarivo for a science symposium that is being run in conjunction
with the sector meetings. I had not
originally intended to attend but...changed my mind. I will be gone a week.Ó He began to kiss her neck. ÒThe week will be time you and Jim can
put to good use. I hope that when I
come back, it will be to find my things once more in our quarters, not these
quarters.Ó
ÒThat
would be nice.Ó
ÒYes,
it would.Ó He kissed her
tenderly.
When
he finally pulled away, she asked, ÒSo you had a nice time with him?Ó
ÒI
did. You were wise to have us
reconnect during our period away.Ó
She
smiled. ÒI am wise. But it was only fair. I had you all to myself, so he should,
too. Is that why youÕre going
away? I canÕt imagine youÕre going
to learn much from anyone on the Tananarivo.Ó
ÒYou
are a snob, Christine. There will
be scientists from many ships in the sector. But as you say, it is possible I was
seeking a pretext to give you time alone with Jim. Not just because it seemed fair. But because I believe it is critical for
your and his relationship that you not have a referee when you resume having
sex. He needs to know he can
moderate himself. You need to know
that, too.Ó
ÒDo
you know that?Ó
ÒI
do. You are fine. He is fine. You will both be fine together. If you can let go of whatever fear you
have left. Which, since you are
exceptionally strong and intelligent individuals, I have faith that you can.Ó
He
pushed her to her back, whispered, ÒYou do not mind if I indulge myself, do
you?Ó
ÒI
donÕt mind.Ó
ÒIt
does me no credit to say this, Christine, but there is a part of me that has
enjoyed our time together, just the two of us. Had we ended up leaving, I would have
done my utmost to make you happy.Ó
ÒI
know. Me, too.Ó She pulled him down to her. ÒLetÕs not talk about that anymore. It didnÕt happen. Love me?Ó
ÒI
do love you.Ó He followed up his
words with actions. Melding with
her, loving her until morning, when he rose, showered, packed some things, gave
her a last, lingering kiss goodbye, and headed off to the transporter room to
beam over to the Tananarivo
for the symposium.
##
Christine
ran into Jim in the mess at breakfast.
She felt like a teenager again, gawky and tongue tied.
He
smiled at her. ÒGood morning.Ó
ÒHi.Ó
ÒSpock
get off okay?Ó His smile told her
he meant that in every possible way she could take it.
ÒOh,
he did,Ó she said, trying not to laugh.
ÒGood. Sit with me?Ó When she nodded, he led her to a booth. ÒI feel like a teenager on a first
date. With my own wife.Ó
She
laughed and nodded. ÒI know. My palms are sweating.Ó
He
held up his orange juice. ÒTo new
beginnings?Ó
She
clinked her coffee mug against it.
ÒChin chin.Ó
They
drank, not looking away.
ÒSo
thereÕs a party tonight in the rec lounge.
Be my date?Ó
ÒYou
donÕt want to try your luck with someone new? Jan and Ny are
free now that RondesonÕs gone.Ó
ÒI
think IÕll stick with the woman I have.Ó
He winked at her. ÒI happen
to love her.Ó
ÒThatÕs
good. She happens to love you,
too.Ó
ÒDoes
she still like me?Ó
ÒShe
does.Ó
He
reached out, and she took his hand, felt no hesitation as he pulled her toward
him a bit so he could lift her hand to his lips. It was an uncharacteristic gesture for
him to make—he usually saved displays of affection for private when they
were onboard the ship. ÒI have
missed you so goddamn much.Ó
ÒMe,
too.Ó
He
let her hand go. ÒThere will be
dancing tonight. Wear shoes you can
dance in.Ó
She
smiled. She loved dancing with
him. Vertically or horizontally.
ÒCan
you wear your blue dress? ItÕs
still in our quarters.Ó
ÒI
can wear that.Ó
ÒCome
to our quarters and change. IÕll
meet you there.Ó He seemed to read
some hesitation on her face. ÒWeÕll
take this as slowly as you need to.
But it makes more sense than carrying it back to your quarters, doesnÕt
it?Ó
ÒNot
really. But I know why you want me
to do it.Ó
He
smiled in a way that nearly broke her heart. ÒIÕm lonely there.Ó
ÒI
imagine you are.Ó
ÒI
lived alone for so long. Just me and the ship. But then there was you and Spock on the
planet. And then there was Spock on
the ship. And then the two of you,
on Earth, and then here. To go from
that to alone...Ó
ÒAlone—while
Spock and I were together. IÕm
sorry for that.Ó
ÒNo,
I didnÕt mean to make you sorry.
And you did have to get used to it—when Spock and I were on the
ship and you were at med school. We
never talked about that once we came back.
I never realized how angry you still were.Ó
ÒIÕm
not usually angry about it. It was
just when it got bad that it came back up.Ó
ÒAnd
it was me you were angry with.Ó
ÒYep.Ó She looked down. ÒYou made the choice, not Spock.Ó
ÒI
did. I made the choice.Ó He sighed. ÒYouÕd already chosen med school.Ó
ÒI
didnÕt say my anger was logical.Ó
She smiled. ÒIÕm not angry
now.Ó
ÒGood.Ó He looked down, then up, his eyes
narrowed. ÒYou remember when you
told me you thought Spock loved me best?Ó
She
nodded.
ÒDo
you still think that?Ó
ÒI
donÕt know.Ó
ÒI
donÕt think you should. He loves
you, Christine. That first night,
when you were in sickbay recovering.
When he and I were in our quarters.
He was so angry at me—but mostly at himself. That heÕd let that happen to you. When Bones wouldnÕt let him into
sickbay, I thought IÕd have one dead McCoy on my hands.Ó
ÒHeÕs
still alive so...?Ó
ÒHe
stood up to Spock. Stubborn,
suicidal coot.Ó He smiled. ÒLooking out for me. IÕd have died if youÕd turned to Spock
and shut me out.Ó
ÒI
probably would have right then.Ó
She hated saying it, but it was truth and she didnÕt want to lie to
him. ÒI was afraid of you.Ó
ÒIÕd
have been, too.Ó
ÒLen
saved us. Several times. We owe him a really nice dinner.Ó
ÒWe
owe him more than that. Call our
firstborn after him or something.Ó
She
laughed. ÒIÕm sorry, am I
pregnant?Ó
ÒNo,
but maybe someday? A son or a
daughter, maybe both? A month ago,
I wouldnÕt have been able to see that happening. Now I can. Time...it really does heal all wounds.Ó He held out his hand again, seemed
desperate to touch her. ÒSo does
love.Ó
She
took his hand and squeezed it gently.
ÒYes, so does love.Ó
##
She
was running late, got to their quarters at the same time Jim did. ÒIÕm sorry. Last minute gym accident. Why do they have to race each other up
the ropes just before my shift ends?Ó
ÒWho
is it? IÕll put them on
report. Although if this means I
get to watch you put your dress on...?Ó
His smile faded. ÒSorry,
that was me slipping into the old routine.Ó
ÒI
donÕt mind the old routine.Ó
ÒYou
donÕt?Ó
ÒI
liked the old routine. You can
watch, but you canÕt touch.Ó
ÒI
canÕt touch?Ó He was grinning.
ÒNot
yet.Ó As she teased him, she felt
the nervousness falling off. This
felt good. This felt right. Happy and light and easy.
ÒHmmm. Well.Ó He palmed open the door, let her go
first. ÒCan I touch you later?Ó
ÒYou
can dance with me?Ó
ÒAnd
after that?Ó
She shrugged in the most flirtatious manner she knew, trying to get back the
playfulness theyÕd first had on Thule.
It worked; he laughed, his grin lighting up the room.
She
put her hands on his shoulders, pushed him down on the bed. ÒNo touching.Ó Then she leaned down and gave him a long
kiss.
He
moaned but he did not touch her even as she ran her fingers through his hair
and down to his neck. ÒYou are a
devil.Ó
She
smiled and walked away, putting a bit more sashay into her step than she might
normally. She heard him groan. She found the dress, pulled it out. ÒThis one?Ó
He
nodded.
She
decided not to make the changing too sexy.
She did want them to get out of this room and to the party. As good as kissing him was, she wasnÕt
sure she was ready for sex just yet.
She
stepped out of her uniform and slipped the dress over her head. ÒI suspend the no touching rule. Will you zip me up?Ó
He
got up and walked over, zipping her up very slowly, his lips touching down on
the back of her neck, making her shiver.
ÒDo you want your hair down?Ó
She
nodded.
He
took the clips out, played with her hair for a moment, then turned her. Leaning in—and she knew it was to
test her—he kissed her. And
it wasnÕt a sweet or gentle kiss.
It was full of the passion she knew was bottled up inside him.
For
a moment, she hesitated. Then she
let go and met him all the way. She
felt him relax in her arms, and he let her go with a smile.
She
rubbed his back, down low where it always bothered him after sitting in the
chair all day, and then went into the bathroom, watching him change in the
mirror as she freshened her makeup.
He
came in and stood behind her, smiling at her, and she leaned back against him,
closing her eyes when he began to play just a little, his hands roaming across
her chest, down the length of the dress and then up under and under her panties
and—
Her
knees nearly buckled but he held her, was watching her intently, and she knew
it was as much to make sure she wasnÕt frightened as to know where she
was.
She
was on the edge, nowhere to go but over the cliff, when he whispered, ÒI would
have done this for you, Christine.
I would have.Ó And then he
sent her over and held her while she fell.
ÒI should have done this for you,Ó he murmured into her neck, no longer
watching her.
She
turned around, breathing hard, still shaky, and made him look at her. ÒYou had no choice. You would have, there is no way you
would not have made me ready, Jim.
You waited so long for me while Spock had me. I donÕt know how you waited that
long. Stop beating yourself up over
it.Ó She reached down, found him
half ready for her. ÒStop it.Ó She pushed him out to the bed, undoing
his pants as she went.
ÒChristine,
you donÕt have to.Ó
ÒJim,
shut up. ThatÕs an order. From your wife.Ó
He
smiled as she pushed him onto the bed, as she told him to scoot up, as she
pulled his legs apart and crawled between them and took him in her mouth. ÒOh, God,Ó he said, the words mostly
moan.
Half
ready became ready in no time. She
knew they should wait. She knew
they should dance and be romantic and probably write a love sonnet or two. But theyÕd never been that before. They started on an ice-world when going
without sex had proven untenable. They
were made of harsher stuff than nice dresses and romantic evenings.
She
pulled her panties aside and slid onto him. He opened his eyes, shocked, she could
tell.
ÒI
donÕt want to wait. Is this all
right?Ó
He
started to laugh. And it was a
sound of pure joy and relief and amazement. ÒWhat idiot would say no to you?Ó He laughed again and she realized his
eyes were just a little bit bright.
As
she moved on him, controlling the pace, she leaned down and kissed him, their
tongues meeting desperately, his hands everywhere on her, pulling the dress up
so he could see her, finally pulling it off her.
ÒSo
beautiful.Ó
She
was moving slowly, on purpose, building him up just enough to keep him moving
in the right direction without making him come too soon. Then she slipped off him, kicked off her
panties, rolled to her back, and pulled him on top of her.
She
saw the doubt in his eyes, so she wrapped her legs around him and gave him a
stern look. ÒDo I have to do all
the work here, Jim?Ó She reached
down, touching him, teasing him, playing with him.
He
closed his eyes, smiling as she worked.
Then he moved into her, moving carefully, too carefully.
ÒHarder.Ó
ÒNo.Ó
ÒI
wonÕt break.Ó
ÒNo.Ó
She
started to squeeze with every muscle she could use down there.
ÒChristine,
damn it.Ó He was breathing
hard. ÒStop it or youÕll make me
come.Ó
She
stopped. ÒJim, please. You used to do it harder without hurting
me. ThereÕs a difference between
mindless fucking and good fucking.Ó
ÒAnd
youÕll tell me when I hit the mindless?Ó
ÒYes,
I will tell you. Trust me on
that.Ó
He
still looked doubtful.
She
kissed him, licking across his top lip the way that made him crazy, murmuring,
ÒJim, please,Ó as she pulled him down, finally felt him ease her legs up,
around his shoulders. ÒOh,
God.Ó She loved this way—he
was taking her at her word.
ÒTell
me if it hurts.Ó
She
nodded and he started again. This time
going deeper, and harder. And she smiled
and threw her head back, moaning and sighing and murmuring, ÒYes, yes,Ó so he
wouldnÕt mistake her sounds for anything but pleasure.
She
came again, and then he followed her, easing her legs off his shoulders,
stroking her face as they lay together.
ÒThat was so good.Ó
ÒIt
was.Ó His expression was one of
pleased relief. Which changed to
one of pure happiness as he moved in to kiss her.
They
kissed for a long time, touching and stroking, reestablishing the connection
theyÕd lost for the time theyÕd been apart.
ÒI
missed you, Jim.Ó
He
closed his eyes. ÒI missed
you. So much.Ó He pushed a tendril of damp hair off her
cheek. ÒSo I guess weÕre not going
dancing, huh?Ó
ÒI
thought thatÕs what we were doing.Ó
He
laughed. It was a beautiful
sound. ÒYouÕre right. My mistake.Ó
##
She
woke the next morning, JimÕs arm tightly around her, his chest pressed to her
back. She felt him stir as she did,
realized the chrono was going off softly. He reached behind him and turned it off.
ÒGood
morning,Ó he said, kissing her neck.
ÒIt
feels early. Is it?Ó
ÒWell,
we didnÕt get much sleep last night.Ó
He chuckled as he nuzzled her throat. ÒBut it is early. IÕve been setting it an hour ahead so I could
go to the gym. Helped me work off
some of the tension.Ó He began to
play, letting his fingers find their way down her body.
She
moved a little, to give him better access to her, then he shifted her even more
and she felt him against her, ready.
As
he played, he murmured, ÒI was so jealous of you and Spock. I told you to be together, but I was
jealous of you. Stupid, isnÕt it?Ó
ÒHuman,Ó
she managed to get out.
He
shifted her a little more, then himself until he was...there, with her. She moaned. He went back to playing as he moved.
He
kissed her neck, just under her ear.
ÒDid you really think IÕd send you away?Ó
ÒI
donÕt know. You...you retreat
sometimes. Disappear inside
yourself as far as your emotions go.
And you were so hurt by what you did.Ó
ÒWhat
I did to you. And to
Spock—although he at least could get me off him when he needed a
break. He was strong enough. You didnÕt have that luxury.Ó He was moving slowly, as if they could
go forever while they talked this out.
She
leaned her head back, and he kissed her cheek. ÒIÕm glad we didnÕt have to find out if
youÕd let us leave or make us leave.Ó
She began to press backwards, heard his quick intake of air. ÒLess talking, more thrusting.Ó
ÒYou
are the only woman I know who would say that.Ó
ÒWhich
is why you married me. Now shut
up.Ó
He
laughed and began to go in earnest, moving his fingers in the rhythm heÕd
perfected on Thule, finishing her in moments, following her not too long
after. They lay together, panting,
and she put her arm over his, felt this deep need to hold onto this
moment—sheÕd learned that things could change in a flash. Love might not conquer all, so
appreciate what you had when you had it.
ÒYou
okay?Ó
She
realized she was crying. When had
she started crying? He slipped out
of her and turned her, pulling her into his arms, holding her tightly,
murmuring all the right things: that he loved her, that he was sorry, that heÕd
have died if he lost her, that heÕd have never let them go.
She
finally pulled herself away, knew she looked like crap. She was not a pretty crier.
He
kissed her tenderly. ÒWeÕre going
to be all right. May I make a
suggestion?Ó
She
nodded.
ÒWhy
donÕt we move your and SpockÕs stuff back in here?Ó
She
laughed and nodded. ÒCan we have
breakfast first? IÕm starving.Ó
ÒThatÕs
probably because we skipped dinner.Ó
ÒYes,
it probably is.Ó
ÒAnd
I meant sometime in the next few days, not right this minute.Ó
ÒOh,
right.Ó She took a deep
breath. ÒSpock will be pleased.Ó
ÒYes,
he will.Ó He smiled at her. ÒIÕm glad he gave us this time,
though. We needed it.Ó
She
nodded.
He
got out of bed, held out his hand.
ÒCome on, woman. We need a
shower before breakfast.Ó
She
rolled her eyes. ÒWeÕll never get
breakfast if we shower together.Ó
ÒJust
a shower. I promise: no funny stuff.Ó He had his hands where she could see
them so she was relatively sure he didnÕt have anything crossed.
ÒOkay,
just a shower.Ó
They
managed the shower with no funny stuff; it was the drying-off part that was
their undoing. They barely made it
to the mess in time to wolf down breakfast and get to their shifts on
time. She was smiling like a fool
the whole day.
##
She
and Jim were both on the bed, catching up on their reading. He was sitting in the middle of the bed,
leaning up against the headboard.
She was on her side, her head resting on his thighs. He played with her hair as they read.
ÒDoes
this word look familiar to you?Ó He
showed her his padd and the word on it.
She
frowned. ÒI think someone needs an
editor on their papers. I have no
idea. What are you reading?Ó
ÒItÕs
this article on transwarp. I thought I was up on things but
apparently not.Ó
ÒIÕm
telling you, I think thatÕs a typo.Ó
The
door to their quarters opened and Spock stood there, looking extremely
satisfied. ÒI went to our old
quarters. They were, as I hoped,
empty. I take it I am welcome.Ó
ÒGet
in here,Ó Jim said. ÒLook at this
word for me.Ó
Spock
put his carry all down and walked over the bed.
Jim
pulled him down onto it, gave him a kiss, let him kiss Christine, then showed
him the padd.
ÒOh,
that is clearly some kind of error.
I do not recognize the word.
And I have an excellent vocabulary.Ó
Christine
laughed. ÒJim, if the three of us
donÕt know what the word means. I
think itÕs not a real word.Ó
He
put the padd down in disgust.
ÒWell, damn it. Now how do I
know if anything in the article has merit? I was going to give it to Scotty.Ó
Spock
looked at Christine and gave her his version of a smile. ÒSend it to Mister Scott. He will, no doubt, have a wonderful time
eviscerating the article. If there
are any ideas that have merit, I am sure he will let you know.Ó
Jim
smiled. ÒYou are so smart.Ó He forwarded the message and tossed the
padd onto the nightstand. ÒSo. YouÕre home.Ó He grinned at them both. ÒI think this calls for a whole lot of
sex.Ó
Spock
gave them a look that said heÕd arrived at this conclusion days ago. Christine laughed and began to take her
clothing off. Jim sat back and
watched for a moment, then smiled and pulled his off. They both turned to Spock. He slipped out of his uniform, left it
crumpled on the floor instead of straightening it up the way he might normally.
ÒHe
must really want us,Ó Jim said with a grin.
ÒHe
must.Ó
ÒYou
know that I do.Ó Spock sort of
swept her up so she was lying next to Jim.
Spock stared at them, the look on his face not just full of desire but
incredible affection. He reached in
for the meld points, touching both of them at the same time, as if it was
incredibly important for him not to pick one over the other.
The
meld surged to life and Christine closed her eyes and laughed at the feel of
it. He was...overjoyed. His happiness sang through the meld. She felt JimÕs delight, too, not just for
himself, but his feelings over how Spock felt. At how happy she was.
For
a moment, no one moved. They just
let the feelings surge through them.
The love. She realized it
felt different than it used to.
Harder in a way.
Tested. They had been tested. They werenÕt pretty and new
anymore. They were scratched and
scarred and this was just the beginning.
But theyÕd come through and they could again.
If
they never forgot that they loved each other. That they were friends. That they belonged together.
That
this was work, but that it was worth it.
She
felt hands on her, gave herself over to her lovers, her husbands, her
friends. She opened her eyes saw
Spock looking down at her just before he kissed her, then he pulled away,
kissed Jim.
Spock
pulled her up, shifted so she was facing away from Jim, eased her back down
onto JimÕs lap. Jim held her waist,
rocking into her as she pulled Spock closer and suckled him, making him cry
out.
He
reached out for both of them again.
Deepened the meld then let go, letting their bond carry it for him. She lost track of who was doing what, of
how many times they made her cry out.
She only knew when she finally came back to herself, she could barely
move.
But
not in a Òneed a healing comaÓ way.
Jim
looked over at her, his eyes glazed, like he was coming off of the mother of
all drug trips. ÒHoly shit.Ó
ÒWe
may need to almost break up more often?Ó
ÒThatÕs
what I was thinking.Ó The words were
so slurred she almost couldnÕt understand them.
Spock
put a hand on both of them, but his motor control was a bit off so it was more
a thump than a caress. ÒI am
gratified we are reconciled.Ó
Jim
smiled, it was a goofy smile and there was a bit of drool, but it was the most
beautiful thing Christine had seen in a long time. ÒMe, too, buddy. Me, too.Ó
##
They
were back on Earth, at one of the finer restaurants in Savannah. It was LenÕs favorite—Christine
had checked.
He
had looked as tickled as sheÕd ever seen when theyÕd beamed down. ÒReally? But itÕs impossible to get reservations
here on short notice.Ó
ÒNot
if youÕre the savior of the galaxy.Ó
Jim said with a smile.
ÒAnd
a Vulcan noble.Ó
ÒThat,
too.Ó Jim took Len by the arm. ÒWe owe you far more than just dinner at
your favorite place, my friend. But
this is a start.Ó
The
ma”tre dÕ fawned over them appropriately, the sommelier recommended an
outlandishly expensive wine, which Jim ordered, and they got appetizers for the
table, enough to feed twice their number.
ÒOh
my God, these are good.Ó Christine
licked her fingers happily as Jim and Len helped her polish off a plate of
catfish fingers with remoulade dipping sauce. Spock was busy with a Caprese salad that everyone agreed was also excellent.
After
they ordered their entrees, Jim leaned in and held up his wine glass. ÒBones, I do want to be serious for a
moment. You were with us, through
that whole thing. You didnÕt sign
up for that, but you did it anyway. You worked like a dog beforehand to keep
us safe—and you did the same after, to keep us together.Ó
ÒEven
if it meant standing up to me,Ó Spock said. ÒI applaud your bravery, Leonard. I am still a bit...Ó
ÒAmazed? In awe?Ó Len grinned.
ÒFascinated
by how you were able to divert me from my mission to see Christine.Ó
Len
smiled. ÒI like amazed better.Ó
Jim
grinned. ÒWhoÕs giving the toast
here?Ó
ÒYou
are, dear,Ó Christine said, laughing softly.
ÒYou
took great care of her. You took
great care of me. And you were
looking out for Spock, too, even if it might not have always felt like it to
him. YouÕre our best friend,
Bones.Ó Jim suddenly started to
blink quickly, swallowed hard and took a moment before continuing. ÒIndividually and collectively. And we owe you everything. And we wonÕt forget it.Ó
Christine
wiped her eyes. Len smiled, his
eyes welling up a bit. Even Spock
looked more than a little touched.
Jim
held his glass up. ÒTo Leonard
McCoy.Ó
They
clinked their glasses of wine—or water, in SpockÕs case—and
drank.
ÒCan
I say something?Ó Len asked.
ÒOf
course.Ó
ÒI
love you all. You didnÕt have to
thank me. IÕm glad you did, because
I love this place more than words can say.
But you didnÕt have to thank me.
I canÕt imagine life without you three. ItÕs just that simple. I didnÕt do this for you. I did this for me.Ó He raised his glass. ÒSo, hereÕs another toast. To friends. To never losing them.Ó
They
all clinked and drank again.
Christine
turned to Jim after she had to wipe her eyes again. ÒIs my make-up smeared?Ó
He
smiled. ÒJust here.Ó He wiped the corner of her eye
gently. ÒThere. Perfect.Ó
The
entrees arrived before anyone could think of another toast that would make her
cry. They shared tastes of what
was, indeed, a first-rate meal.
They ordered desserts, coffee and brandy. Made a night of it.
The
bill was astronomical.
They
didnÕt care one bit.
FIN