DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the
property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The
story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c)
2013 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.
Not Ready to Make Nice
by Djinn
Sitella on Kavela
Letotia was famed for its cuisine and hard as hell to
get reservations to—unless you were dating the savior of the
quadrant. Chapel smiled as the
ma”tre dÕ led Jim and her to their table, fawning over them just enough to make
her happy but not enough to be embarrassing. Spock and Nyota were already seated.
ÒHeÕs
always early,Ó Jim said with a chuckle.
ÒWell,
sheÕs usually late, so maybe eventually theyÕll balance out to right on
time.Ó She grinned at him, and he
gave her an answering smile that was both sexy and content.
ÒGood
evening. You look beautiful,Ó Jim
said to Ny, then laughed and glanced at Spock. ÒYou do, too, old friend.Ó
Spock
gave the Vulcan equivalent of an eye roll, and Ny and Chapel laughed. ÒYou both clean up well.Ó He looked over at Ny. ÒWas that not how Leonard always puts
it?Ó
ÒYes,
and itÕs not the nicest way to say it.Ó
She smiled tightly. ÒI donÕt
know why heÕs suddenly intent on getting the hang of the vernacular. VÕger was
months ago, Spock.Ó
Chapel
tried to bite back a grin as she watched them—VÕger
may have been months ago, but it was clear SpockÕs feelings for Ny hadnÕt
dimmed one bit. Which made her
happy: something she was sure the Chapel of the previous mission would never
have believed.
But
then the Chapel of the previous mission hadnÕt been in love with the
captain. The captain who was
leaning in to whisper, ÒYou look beautiful, too, have I told you that
tonight? I love that dress on or
off.Ó HeÕd already removed the
dress from her once when sheÕd asked him to zip her up, which is why they were
a little later than theyÕd planned to arrive, even if they were far from tardy.
Jim
ordered the Kavelan equivalent of champagne and once
it arrived, lifted his glass and said with a grin, ÒHereÕs to three weeks with
no red alerts.Ó
ÒYouÕll
jinx us. You realize that?Ó Ny shook her head but lifted her glass
anyway and clinked it gently against his and ChapelÕs glasses and SpockÕs
water.
ÒMmmm. Good
stuff.Ó Chapel sipped the bubbly
pink wine happily. She was off duty
with friends in a fabulous place.
How much better did it get?
ÒHave
you had this?Ó Jim asked her, pointing to a pasta dish on the menu. ÒItÕs to die for. I had it the last time I was here.Ó
ÒYou
donÕt want to try something new?Ó
ÒWe
can go nuts trying new appetizers and deserts. But the main course—stick with
what you know.Ó
She
grinned. ÒI like that answer.Ó
ÒI
thought you would.Ó He leaned over
and kissed her. A
quick kiss, not sloppy, but a good one. A kiss that made her feel...with him.
She
pulled away and saw Ny watching them.
For a second there was an expression on her face that Chapel couldnÕt
read, then she smiled and went back to looking at the
menu.
Chapel
studied Spock. He seemed at
ease—as much as he ever did when he was out socially with them. She knew he was trying, and that he made
the effort because he cared for Ny enough to brave the perils of three slightly
intoxicated humans—four, if they invited Len along.
He
was making a real effort. He was
never going to be the kind to sweep Ny off her feet in public—surely that
wasnÕt what that look had been about?
Chapel had long ago realized that a life with Spock wouldnÕt be full of
public displays of affection, even during the days of her Òhe loves me: he just
doesnÕt know it yetÓ fantasy haze.
His love was subtle. He
wasnÕt human—half of him was Vulcan: it was more than half when push came
to shove.
ÒHonÕ?Ó
She
looked over at Jim. ÒSorry?Ó
He
laughed. ÒDo you eat snails?Ó
She
realized all three were watching her.
ÒIÕm sorry. I was thinking
about a case I saw today. I promise
not to do that again.Ó She took a
deep breath. ÒAnd no. They are slugs with shells.Ó
ÒGood
damn answer,Ó he said with a grin.
ÒOutvoted, Nyota.Ó
Spock
shot Ny an apologetic look. ÒI
would vote on your side if I—Ó
ÒYeah,
yeah. Just because youÕre a
vegetarian you think you donÕt have to vote for Kavelan
escargot.Ó
ÒI
would not eat them. And Jim and
Christine know I would not eat them, so to vote for them would be—Ó
ÒReally
not the point.Ó
ÒWhat
is the point?Ó He looked perplexed
enough that Chapel almost felt sorry for him.
ÒWeÕve
been over this. ThereÕs truth and
then thereÕs supporting your girlfriend.Ó
ÒAh. Yes. Support. Not logical at all times.Ó
ÒBingo,
mister. Required no matter how
illogical.Ó She closed her
menu. ÒCan we at least try the
cheese bread? They are famous for
their cheese.Ó
ÒI
enjoy cheese,Ó Spock said quickly, as if finally he could support her with no
reservations. ÒDo you not enjoy
cheese, too?Ó The look he shot
Chapel and Jim told them in no uncertain terms that they not only enjoyed
cheese, they loved it.
ÒWe
adore it. Cheese bread it is.Ó Jim winked at Chapel, then said softly,
ÒLoveÕs course neÕre did run true.Ó
ÒNot
when snails are in the mix,Ó she murmured and saw him grin. She reached under the table and rubbed
his knee.
He
covered her hand with his, squeezing gently. ÒDo you know what you want?Ó At her expression, he started to laugh
and murmured, ÒI meant food.Ó
ÒOh,
that. Yeah, IÕve got that figured
out, too.Ó
He
squeezed harder. ÒBehave yourself,
Chris.Ó
ÒMe? You started it. ÔZip me up.Õ How hard is that to understand?Ó
ÒI
have no idea what youÕre talking about.Ó
He was clearly trying not to laugh as he turned back to the others. ÒSpock, how are your parents?Ó
ÒThey
are well, Jim. My mother is eager
for me to bring Nyota home for a visit.Ó
He seemed to realize heÕd scored a relationship coup with that
unsolicited remark; his look turned very satisfied. ÒTo whichever home they happen to be
at.Ó
ÒAnd
I canÕt wait to see them.Ó Ny
sounded more nervous than eager.
ÒAmandaÕs
a pushover. Just make her boy here
happy, and youÕll have her in the bag.Ó
Jim smiled gently at her.
ÒItÕs
Sarek IÕm worried about.Ó
ÒHeÕs
always been nice to me,Ó Chapel said.
ÒWell,
not all of us have multiple science degrees, Christine.Ó Ny looked away.
ÒThat
isnÕt why heÕs nice to me, is it?Ó
She looked at Spock. ÒI
thought it was because I didnÕt make him eat sickbay food.Ó She glanced at Jim, and he gave her the
little shake of the head that meant Òleave it aloneÓ
in their personal body language.
ÒHeÕll
love you, Nyota.Ó Jim waved the
waiter over. ÒNow, my friend, we
plan to keep you busy. Please tell
us you have the cheese bread tonight?Ó
Fortunately,
they did. And many other lovely
dishes that kept them happy long into the evening.
##
Spock
heard his chime ring, felt a surge of annoyance, and pushed it back down. ÒCome,Ó he said.
Nyota
walked in. ÒAre you ready? Did I get the time wrong?Ó
He
checked the chrono. She was generally late unless he
actively prodded her to hurry, and now was no exception. He had spent too long meditating. That did not usually happen. A wave of frustration filled him at
losing track of what he was doing, and he forced it away.
She
sat on the bed. ÒYouÕve been weird
since dinner last week.Ó
He
almost let out a breath in amusement.
Did she realize how often she went on attack? She was not wrong, however, and he
needed to explain why. ÒWe need to
talk.Ó
ÒSpock,
those four words are the mother of all bad things for a relationship.Ó
He
frowned, then tried to mitigate the expression. ÒDiscussion is a negative thing?Ó
ÒThose
specific words are generally prelude to a break-up
speech.Ó
ÒAh. That is not my intent.Ó He rose and walked over to the bed. ÒHow familiar are you with what occurred
when we diverted to Vulcan during our first mission?Ó
ÒWhen
we got to see the wife you never told us about?Ó
He
was frequently bemused by the human need to know the most private details of
oneÕs life. And
the offense when such details were held back.
She
sighed. ÒNot much. I was on the bridge for that.Ó
He
fought back the surge of shame he always felt when thinking about that Pon Farr. ÒIt
is called the burning. It is the
Vulcan time of mating. A Vulcan
male must mate or die—it is a holdover from the old ways. A biological burden we cannot
shake. Once every
seven years for full Vulcans.
Being half Vulcan, I am not so regular. It was very late the first time. Between Gol
and the meld with VÕger, it has come early.Ó
ÒOh. Ohhhhh.Ó
ÒYes.Ó He took her hands. ÒI can go to Vulcan. I have time to get there. There are priestesses trained to deal
with unbonded males.Ó
ÒWouldnÕt
you rather be with me?Ó
The
hurt in her voice touched him. ÒI
would. But I do not wish to burden
you with this when our relationship is still new. The Pon Farr
is not...lovemaking, Nyota. It is a
rut. Sex at its
most elemental and not good sex.
I will not be concerned with your pleasure. And I may hurt you.Ó
ÒBut
your mother—who is quite petite—has survived it. Right? Multiple times?Ó
ÒShe
has.Ó
Nyota
got up and walked across the room, then turned, leaning against the wall and
staring at him. ÒDo you love me?Ó
He
nodded. ÒIt is why I reached out
after the meld with VÕger. I have always been attracted to you.Ó
ÒDo
you think youÕll hurt me?Ó
ÒI
will try my best not to. I believe
that true regard mitigates the violence.Ó
Again the shame of last time flooded him, and he pushed it back. ÒIt is your choice. I will not hold it against you if you
wish to avoid this duty.Ó
ÒDuty? Spock, I love you. I donÕt want you going to some priestess.Ó
He
stood and walked to his dresser.
ÒThere is something we should do, then.Ó He lifted the silk cloth off the wine
decanter. ÒThis custom is very old,
passed down through the generations.Ó
He mixed in the ceremonial herbs.
ÒWe drink to seal our accord.
Our...harmony in this and many things. It is what one does with the person one
cares for.Ó
She
smiled and moved closer. ÒIt is?Ó
He
nodded, and stirred the wine gently.
ÒThe wine is from my familyÕs vineyards. The herbs were grown in my motherÕs
garden. What we do here is not a
bond, not a proposal or anything so restricting to you. It only signifies that I value you as I
do myself.Ó
ÒThat
you love me?Ó
He
nodded.
ÒYou
never say those words.Ó
ÒIt
is not my way. But I am trying to
learn to say those words.Ó He held
up the decanter. ÒDo you wish to
share the wine? Or must I first
become more human?Ó Frustration and
a tinge of anger surged through him again.
She
looked taken aback. For a moment,
he thought she might tell him where to shove the wine—she was
particularly fond of that statement—but she took a deep breath and said,
ÒIÕm sorry. I know youÕre
trying.Ó
He
waited.
ÒPour
the wine, Spock.Ó
He
poured it out into the small golden glasses, then he handed her one, took the other
for himself. ÒTo us.Ó That was a human concession. The Vulcan toast would have been much
different. He wondered if she
realized it.
ÒTo
us.Ó She drank. He didnÕt know if she was trying to hide
her reaction—the herbs made the wine bitter. If she was, she wasnÕt trying very hard.
##
Kirk
walked to one of the more remote auxiliary labs, curious why Spock had wanted
to meet here instead of in the rec lounge.
The lab was empty other than Spock, who looked up and nodded. ÒJim. Good.Ó
ÒWeÕre
not going to play chess in here, are we?Ó
Kirk looked around the lab; it looked like pretty much every other one
on the ship, other than being clearly not used much. No experiments were in the stasis units
or holding areas, no padds or tools in the cubbies.
ÒI
wish to talk in private.Ó
ÒWell,
you certainly found the place for it.
IÕm going to have to remember this lab if Chris and I ever want a change
of scene.Ó His grin faded when
SpockÕs face did not lighten.
ÒSorry. Inappropriate. What do you want to talk about?Ó He sat on the stool across from Spock.
ÒI
am about to enter the Pon Farr.Ó
ÒShit.Ó Kirk did some mental calculations.
ÒYes,
it is early, Jim.Ó Spock
sighed—an actual, honest-to-God sigh. ÒThe meld with VÕger,
the austerity of Gol not finalized? The two together? My own dual heritage? I am not sure what spurred it on, but it
is coming. I recognize the signs
from last time.Ó
ÒAre
you and Nyota...?Ó
ÒWe
are prepared to handle this together.
We will need privacy and time off.Ó
ÒOf
course.Ó Kirk leaned in, trying to
show Spock that his previous levity was gone, that he was only there to support
him, not make jokes about Chris and him.
ÒYou should get checked out—medically, I mean.Ó
ÒWe
plan to see Doctor McCoy.Ó
ÒBones? I would have thought youÕd prefer
Chris?Ó
SpockÕs
face did something interesting, something Kirk couldnÕt read. ÒBoth Nyota and I have decided it would
be easier to not involve her in this.Ó
ÒSomething
I should know? Chris do or say
something?Ó
ÒJim,
Christine has done nothing untoward.
But I am sure you did not miss NyotaÕs remark
at dinner last week.Ó
ÒAbout
Chris and her degrees?Ó
ÒYes. At times...at times, she is
jealous. And in this case, I think
it would be better to not have friendship and medical care coincide.Ó
ÒBut
youÕre okay with Chris?Ó
ÒOf
course. Why would I not be?Ó Spock met his eyes; he seemed to be
telling the truth.
ÒOkay,
then.Ó
Spock
rose. ÒChess? While I am still capable of it?Ó
ÒJust
as long as itÕs not with lirpas and to the
death.Ó Kirk glanced at Spock,
making sure the humor was going over all right.
SpockÕs
expression lightened. ÒSimply
chess.Ó
##
Uhura
watched as Spock paced his quarters.
He had become increasingly restless, and was muttering something she
could not catch.
ÒIs
it time?Ó she asked.
ÒBe
silent.Ó His face was a mask as he
turned to look at her. Cold and distant.
This
was not how he described what to expect.
WasnÕt it called the burning?
She felt like the freezing was more apt. ÒSpock?Ó
He
spun and stalked toward her. ÒI
said be silent.Ó He seemed to
be...smelling her. Then he walked
away. ÒNot her.Ó
Not...her? Not who her?
ÒComputer,
increase temperature to thirty degrees.Ó
Spock resumed his pacing.
Uhura
could barely breathe now, groaned at the idea of more heat. She sat on the bed, but Spock stopped
and stared at her in a way that made her more than uncomfortable—she felt
threatened. She got up slowly,
inched back toward the wall until he began to ignore her again.
She
should have asked Christine for information about the Pon
Farr. Christine had known
everything there was to know about Vulcans back in the day. But Uhura had stayed away when Spock had
told her that Christine had recused herself from their care.
It
had hurt—why would she do that?
Unless she was jealous? Was she still in love with Spock? And when had Uhura become too afraid to
just ask her why she wasnÕt interested in helping her? Before the refits, Uhura would have been
down in sickbay wanting to know what the hell was the matter? Before the refits so many things had
been different.
ÒSpock,
what can I do?Ó she asked softly, in the voice she knew he loved. ÒPlease, let me help you.Ó
ÒWhere
is she?Ó He turned to look at
her. ÒThe woman I had last
time. My woman.Ó
ÒUhhhh.Ó He had
not prepped her on this—was this a ritual question? ÒIÕm here, my love.Ó Maybe that would work?
ÒNot
you.Ó He knocked all the items off
the top of his shelf—fortunately, he had removed all the breakable things
earlier—but the violence of his action still startled her. ÒI want the woman I had last time.Ó
ÒI
donÕt know what that means.Ó
ÒLast
time. Two words. Simple. Even for a human.Ó He was practically spitting the words at
her.
ÒSpock,
please.Ó
ÒChristine. I want Christine.Ó
ÒWhat?Ó
ÒShe
is here? She is on the ship?Ó
ÒOf
course sheÕs on the ship. Where
else would she be?Ó She moved
closer. ÒThe last time? What do you mean the last time?Ó
ÒI
want her. Go get her.Ó He put his hands on her shoulders,
turned her and pushed. Not
gently. ÒNow.Ó
She
got to the door, then turned around. ÒSpock, you love me.Ó
The
Spock she knew was nowhere in evidence.
The man who stared back at her—he scared her more than a
little. He took two steps toward
her. ÒI want Christine.Ó
ÒFine. IÕll get her.Ó
She
might be dead when Uhura got done with her, but sheÕd damn well go get her.
##
Chapel
tried to remember if sheÕd left her spare padd in her quarters or in JimÕs
dresser. There was a downside to having
assigned quarters you were hardly ever in.
ÒCome
here,Ó Jim said, pulling her into his lap as she walked past the table to get
to the dresser. ÒIÕm tired of
reports.Ó
She
kissed him slowly, kneading the spot on his shoulder
heÕd been complaining earlier had been hurting. ÒYouÕre always tired of reports. You were born tired of reports. ThatÕll teach you to steal back your
ship from unsuspecting captains and defeat unstoppable machines.Ó She frowned, taking in what did seem
like an extra lot of padds on his table.
ÒWhy are you doing so many of them?Ó
ÒSpockÕs
out of commission.Ó
ÒOut
ofÓ—she saw his expression change—Òohhhh. I guess NyÕs
out of commission then, too.Ó
ÒYep.Ó He pulled her close.
ÒWhy
did I not know this?Ó
His
look was cagey. ÒBones knew it.Ó
ÒBut
you normally would tell me something like this. Jim?Ó
ÒDid
you need to know?Ó
She
thought about that. ÒI guess
not. IÕd like to think Ny would
want me to know.Ó
ÒShe
and Spock both wanted McCoy.Ó
Chapel
felt a pang; she knew why Spock might want Len, but why would Ny? She decided to let it go. ÒI hope theyÕll be all right.Ó
ÒMe,
too. And IÕm very glad youÕre here
with me and not head over heels for our friend anymore.Ó
She
smiled. ÒSo am I.Ó She kissed her way down his neck, then
back up to his ear. ÒWhoÕd have
thought a simple little barbecue you needed a date for would end up like
this? You, me, cohabiting?Ó
ÒI
owe Nogura big time. For that, for letting me steal the ship,
then keep her. For not saying a
word since I know he knows IÕm with you.Ó
She
shrugged. ÒIÕm medical. HeÕs married to a medical officer he
served with. Did you know that?Ó
ÒI
did, but how do you?Ó
ÒMet
her at the barbecue. Nice
lady. She gave me tips on landing
you.Ó She laughed. ÒI thought she was crazy at the
time. Told her youÕd only invited
me because all your regular gals had been busy.Ó She bit down on his ear
gently, then let go. ÒWhich was
true, I believe.Ó
ÒIt
may have been. But see how things
turned out? From inauspicious
beginnings come great loves.Ó
ÒWow,
look at you working a weak opening to your advantage.Ó She kissed him, was about to pull his
shirt off when the chime rang.
ÒSometimes I hate that youÕre in charge.Ó
ÒSometimes
I hate it, too.Ó He eased her off
his lap, and she sat down in the chair next to him. ÒCome.Ó
Ny
came in, looking frantic—and very, very angry.
ÒShouldnÕt
you be with Spock?Ó Chapel asked.
ÒOh,
what an excellent question that is.Ó
She got close—too close for ChapelÕs comfort—and
jabbed a finger into her collarbone. ÒWhy did you recuse yourself from our
care? I wanted you, but Spock said
you thought it best that we see Leonard.Ó
ÒWhat?Ó
ÒThatÕs
not the story Spock told me, Nyota,Ó Jim said. ÒHe said you didnÕt want Chris.
And you might want to back it up a few paces.Ó When she didnÕt move, he said, ÒThatÕs
an order, Commander.Ó
She
finally backed up, pulling her finger off of Chapel. ÒHe said I didnÕt want her? Why
would he say that?Ó
ÒNy,
whatÕs going on?Ó
ÒI
thought you were my friend, Christine?Ó
ÒI
am your friend.Ó Chapel glanced at
Jim, who shrugged in an ÒI have no idea, eitherÓ way.
ÒHe
wants you.Ó
ÒHe,
Spock?Ó
ÒYes,
he, Spock. He wants you. He doesnÕt want me. He wants the woman he had last time. ThatÕs what he said. Over and over. Which was not very helpful until he said
your name, Christine. Your
goddamned name.Ó She stalked over. ÒHow could you have slept with him and
not have told me?Ó
Chapel
swallowed hard, felt a sick sensation in the pit of her stomach that began
climbing. Memories that felt like
they belonged to someone else began to rise up. SpockÕs quarters, her carrying soup,
happy that he wanted it after all. Happy that he wanted something from her.
ÒIÕm
a little curious about that, too,Ó Jim said softly.
ÒShit.Ó Chapel looked down—the memories
faded after that, the happy feeling of being wanted was vivid and then
everything else was fuzzy, but not so fuzzy she couldnÕt remember what
happened. It was just the memory
seemed to be...someone elseÕs, with no emotion of her own around it. ÒShit, shit, shit, shit, shit. No, Ny, are you
sure you didnÕt misunderstand?Ó
ÒNo,
Christine, believe me. I did not
misunderstand. When your lover—whoÕs
going to die if he doesnÕt get some—pushes you away and says he wants the
woman he had before. And then says
her name and itÕs your best goddamn friend, itÕs very hard to misunderstand that.Ó
Jim
was staring at her. ÒChris?Ó
She
closed her eyes and tried to push through the haze in her mind. SheÕd taken the soup into his
quarters. Spock had been
waiting. If sheÕd thought he was
erratic the first time she went in to see him, she was wrong. This time, he could not settle. He took a sip of the soup and told her
to sit when she started to leave.
ÒTalk to me,Ó he said. ÒTell
me what you told me in sickbay that time.Ó
She
wasnÕt sure what he wanted.
He
dropped the spoon in the soup, splashing green drops onto the desk and his
shirt. ÒThat you love me. The Vulcan me. The human me.Ó
SheÕd
started to get up. HeÕd stopped
her, picked her up, and carried her to the bed.
She
should feel panic and outrage as she remembered what heÕd done, but she
didnÕt. Because at the end, when
sheÕd lain weeping on his bed, Spock had responded to her distress, reaching
for her, melding with her, forcing her panic and fear away in an almost
kneejerk way.
He
hadnÕt made her forget the attack happened—but he had given her
distance. And she had felt his
shame and guilt.
He
had not meant to do it. He was
mortified that he had done it.
She had held onto that. His
feelings and the distance heÕd given her through the meld—and the
conversation theyÕd had days later, when he offered to turn himself in for what
heÕd done—had let her keep working with him. Her infatuation with him was dead but
something else grew between them: something that felt a little bit like
respect.
She
took a deep, shaky breath and turned to look at Ny and Jim. ÒI never told you—either of
you—because it wasnÕt...consensual.Ó
She met NyÕs eyes,
saw disbelief at first, then something changed as Ny looked—really
looked—at her.
She
turned to Jim. ÒI couldnÕt tell
you. You would have had to do
something.Ó
ÒI
donÕt understand. Are you saying
Spock...raped you?Ó
ÒItÕs...more
complicated than that. But. Yes. I guess. I made the soup the first time and he
threw it at me—you remember that?Ó
He
nodded.
She
kept looking at Jim, didnÕt want to see NyÕs
expression. ÒLater, I went back to
him, to tell him we were headed for Vulcan. I didnÕt understand what we were dealing
with because you and Len werenÕt telling me—not that IÕm blaming
you. I should have guessed,
probably. He was acting strangely
in his quarters—almost...interested in me. That should have told me something was
wrong—he was never interested any other time. He asked me to make him some more soup. I did and when I brought it back...he
didnÕt take just the soup from me.Ó
ÒChris. He hurt you?Ó
ÒYeah,
he did. But he wasnÕt himself and I
knew that. And I could see how
stupid IÕd been. IÕm not saying I
blamed myself exactly, but I also couldnÕt blame him, not when he wasnÕt in his
right mind, which is why I didnÕt want to get him in trouble. When he came back, he didnÕt need
me—didnÕt want me, even though he was free. Nothing changed so I...buried it.Ó She looked up at Ny. ÒI donÕt understand why he wants me,
Ny. He doesnÕt love me. He loves you.Ó
ÒWell,
right now he wants you.Ó
ÒMaybe
once IÕm in there and he sees both of us, he wonÕt. HeÕll see that youÕre the one he should
be with. It makes no sense for him
to want me.Ó
ÒActually,
it may.Ó Jim sighed. ÒHeÕs half Vulcan, and itÕs the Vulcan
part thatÕs burning. This isnÕt
love: itÕs possession. From what
youÕre telling us, you were his first Pon Farr
partner. Maybe that counts for
something deeper than we understand?
An imprint of some kind? Maybe thatÕs why he didnÕt want you
around, wanted Bones to do their check ups—he could already feel it
happening?Ó
ÒNo,
I refuse to believe that. I wasnÕt
his partner—wasnÕt an imprint.
I was a...diversion. And one
he felt bad about—he tried to help me afterwards with a meld, and I felt
how much he regretted what heÕd done.
This was not any kind of real attraction.Ó She looked at Ny. ÒHe still wanted TÕPring, Ny, after he had me.
And he didnÕt want me after he fought for her.Ó
ÒI
can see that you believe that. But
you still have to come.Ó Ny sounded
like her heart was breaking. ÒWe
all know what the alternative is if he wonÕt mate with me. And we can see when we get in there if
he chooses me, but you didnÕt see his face when he turned me away.Ó
ÒAnd
you didnÕt see his face when he threw soup at me. IÕm sure heÕll want you when he has a
choice.Ó She turned to Jim. ÒIÕm sorry. If IÕd ever thought it would come to
this, IÕd have told you. I thought
it was just the once. Just a
mistake.Ó
ÒI
get it.Ó He closed his eyes and
nodded, then he pulled one of the padds to him, ran
some computations. ÒWe could be at
Vulcan in a day.Ó He looked at
Nyota.
She
shook her head. ÒIÕd love to tell
you that VulcanÕs an option. But he
scared the hell out of me just now.
I think thereÕs no more time.Ó
Jim
sighed. ÒChris, if you think there
is, get out of there, lock him in, and let me know. IÕll get us headed there at once.Ó
She
nodded. ÒAnd if thereÕs not any
more time?Ó
He
didnÕt look away. ÒThen you do what
you think you have to. I hate this,
though.Ó
ÒI
know. I hate it too. He had to help me after the last
time—and I wasnÕt with him for very long. This could be a lot longer.Ó She saw NyÕs
face change and said, ÒIÕm sorry, Ny.
I donÕt mean to hurt you.Ó
Ny
nodded.
JimÕs
face tightened. ÒI wish youÕd told
me. Maybe not then, I understand
why not then. But now...Ó Jim stroked
her hair. ÒBut itÕs okay. IÕll be there for you after. WeÕll get through this.Ó
ÒHopefully
we wonÕt have to. Hopefully heÕll
pick Ny when he has the chance.Ó
She kissed him, not caring that Spock would smell him on her. This was her lover. HeÕd be there when this was over.
ÒLetÕs
go,Ó she said to Ny as she grabbed a regenerator and scanner out of her medkit and followed her to SpockÕs quarters. She realized her hands were trembling
and tried to breathe deeply, tried to slow her heart rate and think calming
thoughts.
No,
her friend Spock wasnÕt going to hurt her again. HeÕd pick Ny this time.
When
they got to the door, Ny stood in front of it, held her hand up to palm the
door open but didnÕt connect.
ÒIÕm
sorry,Ó Chapel said. ÒI was afraid
to tell you. I felt like if I
didnÕt talk about it, it never happened.Ó
Ny
nodded and slapped her hand against the door panel. It slid open and a blast of heat shot
into the corridor.
ÒIs
this how hot it usually is in here?Ó
ÒYou
were in his quarters back then.
DonÕt you know?Ó NyÕs voice was hard.
ÒThat
was a long time ago. I donÕt
frequent his quarters these days.Ó
For
a moment, she saw her friend in NyÕs expression, then the sharpness was back. ÒNo, this is much hotter than he normally
keeps them.Ó
Chapel
walked in first with Ny close behind, and the door slid shut, leaving them in
semi darkness broken by the guttering flamepot.
ÒSpock?Ó
Ny said softly.
ÒYou.Ó Spock stepped out of the shadows, his
head bowed, his lips on his steepled fingers. He was looking at Chapel, not Ny.
Shit,
shit, shit, shit, shit.
ÒMe,Ó
she said.
He
walked over to her, then looked at Ny, his eyes holding nothing of the man
Chapel had seen being so careful with Ny, so tender. ÒGo.Ó
Ny
gave him a hurt and very angry look.
Then she looked at Chapel.
ÒTell Jim thereÕs no time?Ó
Once Chapel nodded, she left.
As
the door closed behind her, Chapel said, ÒYou are going to have hell to pay,
mister.Ó
ÒBe
still.Ó Spock pulled her to
him. ÒYou stink of another man.Ó
For
a moment, she was back in his quarters on the first mission, frightened and
unsure. But then a surge of anger
roared through her. ÒYeah? Well I live with him so too fucking
bad.Ó She knew it was stupid to
goad him but didnÕt care. ÒHeÕs
your best friend. Your girlfriend
is my best friend. I know youÕre in there somewhere,
Spock. Wake the hell up and snap
out of this. Let me go get her for
you. SheÕs your real partner.Ó
He
pushed her to the bed.
ÒOr
we can do it your way, damn it.Ó
She tossed the scanner and regenerator on the bedside table and pulled
her shirt and pants off before Spock could rip them off her—she
remembered last time, trying to negotiate the corridors in a uniform dress that
was being held together by fingertips and a prayer. She tossed her clothes to the
side—theyÕd be wrinkled but wearable.
Her
underwear and bra were goners after Spock got done with them.
He
yanked her to him, and she grabbed his hair and pulled his head back as hard as
she could.
ÒListen
to me. IÕm your friend, Spock. Christine. Your friend. Treat me right. Do not hurt me.Ó
His
grip on her eased a bit. As she let
go of his hair, he murmured, ÒChristine.Ó
ÒThatÕs
right. Your
friend. Christine. Go easy.Ó
ÒMy
friend. Christine. My woman. Christine.Ó
She
rolled her eyes and lay back on the bed, letting him do what he wanted to her
but ready to fight him if she had to.
But she didnÕt have to. It
wasnÕt like the first time. He
didnÕt hurt her the same way.
Somewhere in his fire-engulfed mind, her friend Spock had heard her.
She
felt him moving his fingers over the psi points on her face, felt the meld
starting. But instead of connection,
he was pushing her away, away to somewhere dark and soft and safe, where it
felt like nothing bad could happen.
ÒSpock?Ó
ÒShhhhh.Ó
She
was vaguely aware of what he was doing to her, but surrounded by the warm and
cozy darkness, she let her mind go.
It didnÕt make the Pon Farr anything you could
call enjoyable. But it was
tolerable.
##
Spock
woke to unaccustomed heat blasting from the environmental system. He was holding someone close to him, a
pale someone, marked in places with bruises.
He
let out a ragged breath, felt the same shame of last time course over him, then
remembered he had melded with her, had sent her mind away—it had been one
of his last conscious actions. ÒAre
you awake?Ó he asked softly.
ÒI
am. Can you let me up? IÕm too hot.Ó ChristineÕs voice was hoarse.
He
let go of her and she rolled away from him.
ÒComputer,
cool room to twenty-four degrees.Ó
He got out of bed, walked to the bathroom and relieved himself, then
brought water for her, trying to keep his eyes up, his tone clinical. ÒAre you thirsty?Ó
ÒThank
you.Ó She gulped the water down,
and he went back to the bathroom to refill her glass; she drank this one more
slowly. ÒYou donÕt seem surprised
that itÕs me and not Ny here.Ó
ÒI
could feel my attraction to you growing as the burning began. I tried to keep you far away.Ó
ÒYou
could have told me what was happening.
IÕd have gotten off the fucking ship.Ó
He
felt another wave of shame. He
should have done exactly that. ÒI
was not thinking clearly.Ó
ÒYou
were thinking clearly enough to lie.
To Ny.
To Jim.Ó
He
nodded. ÒI tried to keep you away.Ó
ÒSomehow
I donÕt know if thatÕs going to hold much weight since you tried to keep me
away while also leaving me within easy reach if you needed me.Ó She moved gingerly and groaned.
ÒHave
I injured you?Ó
ÒA
little, but mostly weÕve been in bed too long. I donÕt remember much—thank you
for that, by the way. You held back
this time?Ó
ÒThere
was a part of me that knew what was happening throughout this. I could not stop myself from taking you,
but I knew it was you I was with, and I tried not to hurt you.Ó
She
reached over to the nightstand and retrieved the scanner, ran it over her
body. ÒIÕm in remarkably good
shape. You succeeded.Ó
ÒYou
are my friend. You are my best
friendÕs woman.Ó He met her
eyes. ÒJim knows that you are with
me?Ó
ÒYes. He knows everything. He was there when Ny came to get
me. I had to explain why youÕd
refer to me as the woman you had before.Ó
Spock
sighed and closed his eyes—he did not want to imagine the look that was
in his friendÕs eyes when he heard the truth. ÒI have much to make up to both of
them.Ó
ÒBut
not to me? IÕm the one lying naked
here.Ó She got up and walked into
the bathroom, shutting the door, and he tried to ignore the fact that part of
him still wanted her—the burning was not entirely over, but it was over
enough to let her go.
She
was, after all, not his woman. Not
a woman he was interested in. And
it was, ironically, his Vulcan side that was responsible for her even being
here. For once, his human side was
blameless.
How
was he going to make this up to Nyota?
How did he even begin to try?
Christine
came out from the bathroom, threw her underthings into the recycler, and began
to pull her clothes on.
ÒWhy
did you not report me when I assaulted you, Christine?Ó
ÒWe
went over this then, Spock. I
shouldnÕt have been in your quarters in the first place.Ó She slipped on her shoes. ÒLen told me to stay away, but I had to
come, had to see you and tell you we were bound for Vulcan. Had to poke my nose in where it wasnÕt
needed.Ó She sighed. ÒIt was clear something was off—it
was clear you wanted me—and I didnÕt stop and assess the situation the
way I should have.Ó
ÒAre
you saying you asked for it?Ó
ÒOf
course not. But neither did
you. It was...an unfortunate
event. Doubly
unfortunate since it seems to have repercussions. You need to fix this. Bond with Ny. Or if not with her
then with...someone. I donÕt
care who.
But you donÕt get to do this to me again.Ó
He
nodded, stung by the vehemence in her voice even if he
understood it. ÒDo you not wish me
to heal you?Ó He nodded toward the
regenerator.
She
grabbed it and the scanner, then looked at his chrono.
ÒNo. JimÕs
off shift now. IÕll let him
do it. WeÕll need that.Ó She turned and studied him. ÒYouÕre not in love with me, right? ThatÕs not what this is?Ó
ÒI
am not in love with you. I consider
you a friend, though.Ó
ÒGood. Very good.Ó She smiled tightly and left.
He
went to the comm unit, stared down at it. He should comm
Nyota. He should tell her...what?
That
he was sorry? That he had not
intended to choose another woman over her?
That this was not how it would be in the future if she bonded with
him—he doubted she would wish to speak of bonds at this juncture.
He
lay down on the bed; it smelled of Christine and sex.
He
pulled the sheets off the bed, rolled them into a ball, and stuffed them into
the recycler. Then he lay back down,
ordered the room temperature up to twenty-eight, and fell asleep.
##
Kirk
was lying on the bed, trying not to think about Chris with Spock when the door
opened and she walked in.
ÒHi.Ó She stood in the doorway, as if unsure
of her welcome.
ÒHi.Ó He was off the bed in a flash, halfway
to her when she held up her hand.
ÒI
need to take a shower. I didnÕt do
it there. I couldnÕt—I just
wanted out. Wanted to get to you. But I probably should have showered
there. Or in my own quarters.Ó
ÒI
prefer you showering here, if you want my opinion?Ó
She
smiled. ÒI figured you would. I wanted to give you fair warning that I
stink. In general and...of him.Ó
ÒOkay.Ó He hated how wary his voice had become.
She
gave him a sad smile, like she fully understood why his voice sounded the way
it did. ÒI could use your help with
the regenerator.Ó She turned and
pulled up her shirt. A trail of
finger marks ran up her back.
ÒIÕm
going to kill him.Ó
ÒNo,
youÕre not. This is about as bad as
it gets. It wasnÕt like last time.Ó
ÒSo
it was...good?Ó He hated that he
sounded jealous.
She
glanced over at him, no annoyance in her expression, only understanding. ÒNo, Jim, it was not good. It just wasnÕt bad. It was sex with someone I didnÕt want to
have sex with. But since he was
going to die...Ó
ÒYeah,
that old excuse.Ó He tried to grin,
knew it fell short so he took the regenerator from her, began to work on her
back. ÒYou smell like sex and
Vulcan incense.Ó
ÒI
know. IÕm sorry. He had the heat turned way up. It was stifling.Ó
ÒSo
not any kind of fantasy, huh?Ó
She
stiffened under his hands.
ÒSorry. That was petty of me.Ó
ÒI
didnÕt ask for this, Jim. I had no
idea this was going to happen.Ó
ÒI
know. IÕm sorry. I wonÕt do that again. IÕve been obsessing since you left. If you ever wondered how much you mean
to me, I can tell you itÕs a hell of a lot. I could not get you out of my head. You and him. And what you were doing. And how it was eating me up.Ó
She
turned and touched his face, and he hated how tentative she was being. ÒWell, if you want, once we get me fixed
up, we can do something about wiping those memories away. Replacing them with more pleasant ones?Ó
ÒWould
you want that? After what youÕve
been through?Ó
ÒHe
melded with me and sent my mind away—I was spared most of it. But I know I was with him and I didnÕt
want to be with him. I wanted to be
with you. So yes, I need it. With you.Ó
He
pulled her to him, wrapped his arms around her and heard her moan—in
pain, not pleasure. He knew he
should stop but needed to kiss her, needed to have her back in his arms, as his
woman. His woman
with him—not with his best friend.
ÒFinish
fixing me before you do that again?Ó
He
rubbed noses with her. ÒI will. IÕm sorry. I got primitive.Ó
ÒItÕs
okay. But only one primitive
episode allowed until IÕm in one hundred percent working order.Ó
He
smiled. ÒUnderstood, Doctor.Ó He touched her hair, imagined Spock
doing the same thing and tried to stop.
ÒHow am I supposed to deal with him now, Chris?Ó
ÒThis
isnÕt his fault...this biological curse that he never asked for. God knows he didnÕt expect to be drawn
back to me. HeÕs got to work things
out with Ny now.Ó
ÒSheÕs
hurting.Ó
ÒIÕm
sure she is. How am I supposed to
deal with her? Hey, bestest bud, letÕs not allow the fact that I spent the last
thirty-six hours screwing your lover get in the way of our friendship,
okay?Ó She rubbed her forehead and
let out a frustrated sounding groan.
ÒItÕll
be okay. WeÕll work it out.Ó
ÒSo
says the great optimist?Ó
ÒWe
have to. The four of us—the
fun weÕve had—itÕs too good to lose.Ó
ÒIt
is too good to lose, Jim. We were
all happy, werenÕt we?Ó
He
nodded. Then he took her hand and
drew her into the bathroom. ÒThe
lightÕs better in here. I can get
this done more quickly and then we can shower and...Ó
ÒReconnect?Ó
ÒYes. And reconnect.Ó He sighed. ÒI was going nuts.Ó
ÒI
wasnÕt terribly happy myself.Ó
He
leaned in and kissed her as gently as he could, felt her kiss him back the way
he loved, meeting him fully, lips pressed hard against his. Until she hissed in
pain and pulled away abruptly.
ÒStart
here,Ó she said, easing her lower lip down so he could see the inside was
raw. ÒI think he bit me.Ó
He
didnÕt say it again, but a part of him really did want to go beat the hell out
of Spock for needing Chris, much less hurting her once he got her. He knew it was stupid, knew his friend
didnÕt deserve it—especially if heÕd melded with Chris to keep her
emotionally safe. But that didnÕt
make it any easier to ignore the urge.
##
Uhura
was sitting in bed reading when her chime rang. SheÕd been expecting this visit for
quite a while. She knew Christine
had been back with Jim for hours, had seen her in the corridor walking back to
his quarters—well, technically, had been sitting at her desk terminal
watching the corridor for hours waiting for Christine to come back. One of the benefits of being a comms officer was knowing how to wire the comms to benefit your needs, like say, routing video signal
where it wasnÕt technically supposed to go.
She
took a few deep breaths then said, ÒCome.Ó
Spock
walked in and seemed incapable of looking her in the face. Not the best way to start this.
ÒGet
your ya-yas worked out?Ó She knew her tone was nasty and didnÕt
care.
ÒNyota,
I am not sure how to apologize for what has transpired.Ó
ÒUsually
an apology starts with the word ÔSorry.Õ
As in ÔSorry, my loveÕ—oh wait, youÕd
never say that, would you? Hmmm,
ÔSorry, you who are somewhat dear to me, I regret spurning you for a woman I
supposedly have no feelings for and who happens to be with my best friend.Õ JimÕs not terribly thrilled with you
either, sugar. You might want to
work on your apology before you get to him. This oneÕs coming off a bit weak.Ó
Spock
sighed and walked to the viewscreen. ÒI know that you are angry.Ó
ÒYou
donÕt have the first idea what I feel, Spock.Ó She forced herself to remain on the bed,
afraid that if she didnÕt, sheÕd wallop him over the head with the padd she was
reading. Repeatedly.
He
seemed committed to staring out of the viewscreen.
ÒItÕs
getting weaker by the second, in case youÕre looking for feedback on how youÕre
doing? Ignoring the injured party
is not a winning play.Ó
He
turned. ÒI did not realize that I
would be drawn to—Ó
ÒA
woman you raped?Ó
There. It was out. That horrible, horrible word that sheÕd
been chewing on for the past two days.
Spock had raped her best friend and sheÕd had no idea. Neither of them had told her.
He
could do that and not tell her.
Christine could have it done and bury it, laugh and joke with him as
if...as if it never happened. Go
back to him now and do it all again.
How
do you do that unless youÕre in love with someone? That was where Uhura kept ending
up. And she hated landing on that
point. But sheÕd listened to
Christine go on and on about Spock for too many years to not wonder if maybe
some of those feelings remained.
Although sheÕd stopped at some point, and Uhura couldnÕt remember when
it was. SheÕd had some choice words
about TÕPring, but had that just been for UhuraÕs benefit? Part of the lie sheÕd been building?
She
crossed her arms over her chest.
ÒDid you enjoy it?Ó
Spock
looked aghast. ÒEnjoy?Ó
ÒYour
time with Christine? Did she enjoy
it? She wanted you for so
long. Did you hurt her or not?Ó
ÒI
did not—not much.Ó He looked
down.
ÒWhy
not? Oh, wait, how did you put
it? Caring for someone can mitigate
the violence. IsnÕt that what you
told me to put my fears at ease? So
you care for her?Ó
ÒOf
course I care for her. She is my
friend. She is our friend.Ó
ÒSo
I ask again. Did you enjoy it?Ó
He
moved closer, seemed to be studying her, as if trying to figure her out. ÒI barely remember it. It is a haze.Ó
ÒWell
then maybe you should do it again so you have a prettier memory of it. Of her. The woman you had to have.Ó She
picked up her padd. ÒDid you want
something else?Ó
ÒNyota. I did not intend to hurt you.Ó
She
put the padd down. ÒI know
that. But...Ó She could feel tears welling up
and took a deep breath, taking a moment.
She would not cry, goddamn it.
She was done crying. ÒI
donÕt trust you right now. IÕm
angry right now. And IÕm hurt. Just give me some time. IÕll let you know when I want to talk,
all right?Ó
ÒAre
you finished with me?Ó He sounded
dejected.
She
cursed the sympathy that rose up inside her. ÒNo, damn it, IÕm not finished with
you. But I need time. Now get out of my quarters or IÕll call
security. There are several young
men in that department with rather large crushes on me who will be happy to
remove you.Ó
He
walked to the door, then turned around and met her eyes. ÒI did not intend to hurt you. I regret it deeply. I...I love you.Ó
ÒNow
you tell me.Ó
##
Chapel
saw Ny in the mess hall, hurried through the line so she could try to catch her
before she sat down. ÒNy, we need
to talk.Ó
ÒAnd
we will. But not now.Ó Ny didnÕt look happy to see her, which
was pretty much what Chapel expected.
ÒItÕs
been three days. Can we please
talk?Ó
ÒI
said yes, just not now.Ó
ÒI
know youÕre mad but—Ó
ÒYes,
I am mad. So, why donÕt you listen
to me?Ó When Chapel started to
talk, Ny held up her hand. ÒLook,
even though I outrank you, I donÕt happen to have a nice cushy office to escape
to. I only have the mess. So, take your food back to sickbay and
let me have this place.Ó
Chapel
could feel herself turning red. Ny
had never, ever pulled the rank card on her. ÒI know youÕre hurting. I know it probably feels good to fall
back on something that isnÕt going to let you down right now, like that youÕre
a lieutenant commander and IÕm not, but—Ó
ÒRight
now? I have always outranked you
and I will always outrank you, Lieutenant.
Now do I have to order you out of this mess?Ó
Chapel
felt her face freeze, especially when two security officers stopped and asked
if there was a problem.
ÒNo,
boys. The doctor was just leaving.Ó
The
security officers seemed inclined to linger so Chapel smiled and said, ÒIf you
donÕt want very embarrassing tests scheduled multiple times, you two will
skedaddle. My friend and I are
fine.Ó
Ny
nodded and the two men left.
ÒFan
club of yours?Ó
ÒItÕs
possible.Ó
ÒYou never said.Ó
ÒGosh,
keeping secrets? Who would do that
in this friendship?Ó
Chapel
leaned in. ÒFine. IÕll go back to my admittedly very nice
office. Which I have assigned to me
because in addition to holding medical discussions, I consult with senior
leadership on this ship and I write evaluations for my staff. You see, thereÕs rank in a person and
then thereÕs rank in position. Tell
me, Commander, how many evals do you write? How many consults with anyone other than
the bridge crew do you do a day?Ó
She let her smile slip into a mean one. ÒAnd donÕt bet the farm youÕll always
outrank me.Ó
ÒWhy? Because IÕm not sleeping my way to my
next promotion?Ó
Chapel
took a deep breath and counted to five.
ÒArenÕt you? My lover
doesnÕt write my evaluation. Your
lover does write yours. Quit
throwing stones.Ó
ÒMaybe
heÕs not my lover anymore.Ó NyÕs face told one story, but her voice was wavering, so
Chapel didnÕt think sheÕd actually broken up with Spock.
ÒAnd
thatÕs my fault? You really want to
have this conversation in the middle of the goddamn mess?Ó Chapel tried to keep her voice pitched
as low as she could. ÒFor GodÕs
sake, Ny. Come to my office with
me. WeÕll have privacy there. WeÕll work this out.Ó
ÒWhat
is wrong with you and Spock? You
think just because you want something, everyone will fall in line? IÕm not ready to be okay with this. IÕm not ready to not be mad. CanÕt you get that through your thick
skulls? Why is it your boyfriend is
the only one who understands me?Ó
Chapel
could feel her face tighten. That
was a low blow, and she knew Ny intended it to be.
ÒHeÕs
been so understanding.Ó Nyota let one side of her mouth slide up
into a very mean smile. ÒIs he as
sweet to you right now?Ó
ÒWhen
youÕre ready to talk, you know where IÕll be.Ó
ÒMmm hmmm. In
the office you didnÕt really earn.Ó
ÒAre
you sure you want to say things like that?
You canÕt take them back, Ny.Ó
Chapel knew she wasnÕt hiding the hurt.
ÒWho
says I want to?Ó Ny turned and
walked to the back of the mess, to the area where they always used to sit
together. The message was clear:
mine now, not ours.
Chapel
carried her tray to her office, left it on her desk, then walked into LenÕs
office and sat down.
He
looked over at her and said, ÒSomething eating you?Ó
ÒMy
best friend told me I didnÕt earn the office IÕm in.Ó
ÒAm
I supposed to know anything about whatÕs going on?Ó
She
smiled slightly. ÒI know Jim told
you the highlights—how much did
he tell you?Ó
ÒIt
was more the lowlights from my perspective, but yeah, I got the short
version. Boy meets girl. Boy needs to spawn. Boy inexplicably picks girl from past
rather than girl he loves.
Wackiness ensues. Am I
getting it right?Ó
ÒI
like your version better than mine.Ó
ÒWell,
IÕm sorry for that. To address your
original statement: youÕre an excellent deputy. I predict youÕll be a lieutenant
commander before you know it.Ó He
sat back. ÒOne with perhaps no best
friend but...Ó He
shrugged.
ÒThanks. YouÕre a big help.Ó She stood up.
ÒWhat
I donÕt understand is why Spock chose you.
Did something happen way back when?Ó
ÒYou
donÕt want to know.Ó She leaned in,
patted his hand. ÒLetÕs just say,
way back when, I should have listened to you occasionally.Ó
He
frowned. ÒSit down.Ó
ÒNot
a chance. YouÕre too good at
worming secrets out of me.Ó She
smiled. ÒThank you for the nice
words on my performance.Ó
ÒSheÕs
hurt and mad—and you intimidate her, Christine.Ó
ÒMe? The lowly lieutenant?Ó
ÒThe
newly minted doctor with umpteen degrees who is with our captain—the man
who never messes in his nest, yet now breaks that rule for you. Sure sheÕs a higher rank, but sheÕs in
the same chair on the same ship doing the same job—a job she can do in
her sleep. SheÕs gonna be a little sensitive about
that. Add in this thing with Spock
and well, thatÕs like throwing bourbon on a bonfire.Ó
She smiled at his homespun wisdom.
ÒYouÕre a sage.Ó
ÒDonÕt
I know it? Give her time. And try not to hold what she says
against her if you can.Ó He smiled
gently. ÒAnd when youÕre ready to
talk about what happened, IÕm ready to listen.Ó
She
nodded. ÒThanks. But nothing happened.Ó
ÒWell,
then itÕll be a mighty short conversation, wonÕt it?Ó He gave her another gentle smile and
made a shooing motion with his fingers.
##
Spock
saw Christine in the lab and debated leaving, but she looked up and waved him
over.
ÒWere
you going to run away on my account?Ó
ÒI
was unsure if my presence would be unwelcome.Ó
She
smiled gently. ÒThings are weird
enough without us having problems, donÕt you think?Ó
ÒI
would concur with that statement.
May I sit for a moment?Ó
ÒYou
may sit for two.Ó Her smile grew
wider, and he thought she was trying to get them back to normal, which he
appreciated. It was clear normal
was not going to begin with Jim or Nyota.
ÒNyota
is not speaking to me.Ó
ÒMe,
either. CanÕt help you with that
one.Ó
He
nodded. ÒI thought as much. She believes we...enjoyed our
experience.Ó
ÒWhat?Ó She closed her eyes. ÒThat explains why sheÕs been so mean.Ó
ÒShe
is jealous of you. She believes I
wanted you.Ó
ÒWell,
technically you did. But only at
that moment—no other time.Ó
She smiled, an easy expression.
ÒHow
can you be so dismissive of all this.
If I had not done what I did to you years ago?Ó
ÒItÕs
done. We canÕt change it. Moving on. IsnÕt that what the meld all those years
ago was for? To
allow me to move on? To
dismiss the pain?Ó
He
exhaled slowly. ÒI am not certain
it was that calculated. You were
like a wounded animal and I was in a vulnerable state: I reacted without
thought.Ó
ÒAnd
your instinct to help paid off.
What happened back then feels like it happened to someone else. And this time, too, but even more so
since I remember far less.Ó She
took a deep breath then exhaled slowly.
ÒTheyÕll come around.Ó
ÒJim
is very angry with me. It is not
solely that I have had you. It is
what I did to you, I think. The way
he looks at me...it is as if I am not the man he once knew.Ó
ÒYouÕre
not.Ó She input something into her
padd, but kept talking. ÒHeÕs
trying to grapple with that.Ó
ÒBut
I have been that man this whole time.
That instance existed whether he knew of it or not.Ó
ÒLogical,
but that doesnÕt help when itÕs a matter of the heart. ItÕs not just that he loves me,
Spock. ItÕs that he loves you. And now he has to question that.Ó
ÒWhy?Ó
ÒBecause
humans clearly donÕt compartmentalize as well as Vulcans do. Or you wouldnÕt have been able to
imprint on me and hide that fact away for years.Ó
He
felt the slight barb of her comment, knew she meant him to. He nodded. ÒI am sorry for everything.Ó
ÒI
know you are.Ó She handed him the
padd. ÒDo these formulas look right
to you?Ó
It
was what she would have done before the Pon Farr, and
he appreciated the overture immensely—so much so he had difficulty
focusing on the problem at hand. He
felt her hand on his arm.
ÒItÕll
be all right. TheyÕll come
around. I think we need to stop pushing.Ó
ÒI
am not pushing.Ó He studied the
formulas she was using, made a small correction. ÒI have found this to be more
effective.Ó He handed the padd
back.
ÒOh,
this is good. Thanks.Ó She pushed the padd aside. ÒAnd yes, you probably are pushing. We both want to fix things because we
donÕt like them disorderly. But
emotions arenÕt science experiments.
People arenÕt variables we can control. Just...give them time.Ó
ÒIt
is easy for you to say that. You
are welcome in JimÕs bed.Ó
She
looked away.
ÒHe
is not sleeping with you?Ó
ÒI
didnÕt say anything.Ó She looked
angry now.
ÒSo,
things are not good between you?Ó
He found himself slightly cheered that he was not the only one having
problems, then realized that was
petty—especially when it was his fault Christine was even involved in
this. ÒI am sorry. Should I talk to him?Ó
ÒOh,
please, yes. Go make it so much
worse.Ó She smiled. ÒThat was sarcasm, just so weÕre clear. Jim and I will be fine. You work on your friendship with him and
leave my relationship with him to me, all right?Ó
ÒAll
right. If I could relive one
moment, Christine, it would be that moment—what I did to you. It was one of the reasons I went to Gol.Ó
ÒBut
what you did to me—the Pon Farr is a Vulcan
moment.Ó
ÒI
know. Vulcans have emotions,
too. Purging them would have
removed the burning along with all my human failings—or so I thought at
the time.Ó
ÒWell,
I like you with emotions. IÕve
enjoyed spending time with you and Ny as couples. But it would have been nice if you could
have removed the imprint.Ó She
smiled, but her expression was sad.
ÒYes. It would have been most agreeable.Ó
##
Kirk
was at his table, working on reports that didnÕt need to be done yet, but he
was trying to avoid Chris. That
first night when sheÕd come back from Spock, theyÕd been fine. But then it had started to wear on him,
and heÕd begun to pull away, even though he knew he shouldnÕt. That it was unfair to take it out on
her.
But
she seemed incapable of taking it out on Spock. Why the hell couldnÕt she be mad at
him? Why was she defending him
whenever he brought him up?
He
heard the door open, her familiar step.
ÒHey, I looked for you in the mess.
WerenÕt we meeting up?Ó
He
didnÕt look up. ÒI got held up on
the bridge.Ó
ÒOkay. And now youÕre grumpy. Did you eat?Ó
ÒIÕm
not hungry.Ó
ÒGrumpy
and low blood sugar. My favorite
combination of the possible Jim Kirk daily doubles.Ó
He
glared at her.
ÒAnd
mad at me, too? Or did Spock do
something else to tick you off today.
Like, say, breathe?Ó
He
got up and walked to the viewscreen. ÒWhy do you do that?Ó
ÒPoint
out the blindingly obvious?Ó
ÒDefend
him?Ó
ÒBecause
youÕre letting every little thing get to you.Ó
ÒBecause
the fact that he raped you and didnÕt tell me isnÕt enough to be mad over?Ó
ÒThat
was years ago, Jim. You need to let
it go.Ó She walked over to
him. ÒHeÕs confused.Ó
ÒYou
know this how?Ó
ÒIÕm
psychic.Ó She exhaled in what he
knew from their time together was annoyance. ÒI talked to him today. In the lab.Ó
ÒThe
auxiliary lab? On deck seventeen?Ó
ÒNo,
the main one. Why would I go all
the way down there?Ó She shot him a
look like heÕd gone crazy so he relaxed a little. ÒAlthough if itÕs a good place to get
away from it all, maybe you and I should go there.Ó She wrapped her arms around him, began
to nuzzle his neck.
Normally,
it would feel good. Normally, heÕd
move so sheÕd have better access to him.
Normally, he wasnÕt wondering how his girlfriend could stand to be in
the same room with the man whoÕd attacked her years ago. Normally, he wasnÕt wondering if sheÕd
enjoyed—
God
damn it, had she enjoyed being with him?
That was what was eating him up.
He
pulled away. ÒChris. Chris, stop. IÕm...tired.Ó
ÒYouÕve
been tired a lot lately.Ó
ÒYeah,
well...Ó
She
rubbed his neck the way he liked, under his hair. Not sexy, just soothing. Had she done this to Spock?
ÒChris,
I said no.Ó
She
pulled away and her eyes went hard.
ÒAre you punishing me? Is
this because I wonÕt agree with you that Spock should have told you what he did
all those years ago?Ó
ÒHe
raped you.Ó
ÒHe
wasnÕt himself. And has it occurred
to you, Captain High and Mighty, that I go to bed
every night with a near rapist? You
think Jan didnÕt tell me what happened?Ó
ÒThat
wasnÕt me.Ó
ÒOh,
right. That was only half of
you. How is it different? Why do you get a pass and he doesnÕt?Ó
ÒI
didnÕt do it.Ó
ÒShe
got away. ThereÕs a
difference. If it had been Spock on
her, using a slightly less brute force approach than your evil side did but
with same end goal and his Vulcan strength, she wouldnÕt have. I can guarantee it.Ó
ÒItÕs
different.Ó
ÒOnly
because itÕs you. Did you turn
yourself in, Jim? Did you report
your actions to Starfleet Command?
Because I know damn well Janice didnÕt report you. And as far as I know you never gave her
the grief for not reporting you that youÕre giving me for not reporting
Spock.Ó She turned and headed back
to the door.
ÒWhere
are you going?Ó
ÒTo
my quarters. Where I have probably
nothing I need because I moved everything important in here.Ó She shot him a glance that was less
angry than betrayed, and then her eyes welled up.
Remorse
filled him. ÒChris, donÕt.Ó
ÒWhy
not? YouÕre making me feel like
shit. Like itÕs all
my fault. And you know
what? Maybe it is. Maybe when you dig for root causes,
youÕll find me, all those years ago.
I was stupid. I was in love,
and I was stupid, and now all four of us have to pay.Ó She sobbed, seemed to be having trouble
seeing because she hit her elbow on the dresser, swore and cradled it. ÒNy was right at dinner. You did jinx us with that stupid
toast.Ó
He
hurried to her, turned her away from the door—she fought him, but not
very hard. ÒChris, no. IÕm sorry. DonÕt go.Ó
ÒLet
go of me.Ó She started to cry
harder. ÒIÕm sick of this. IÕm sick of walking on eggshells. IÕm sick of not having sex. When I didnÕt do anything wrong.Ó
ÒChris,
sweetheart, IÕm sorry.Ó He turned
her toward the bed, rubbed her back as he got her moving.
She
turned and hit him hard in the upper arm.
ÒYou son of a bitch. I hate
you. Do you think I liked keeping
it in? I couldnÕt talk to anyone
about it. Ever. I had to see him and watch his face
change every time I saw him in the corridors—and for your information, he
did tell me he wouldnÕt fight me if I brought him up on charges. HeÕs not the monster you suddenly seem
to think he is.Ó
He
got her to the bed and she yanked away, stood glaring at him, tears bright in
her eyes.
ÒIÕm
sorry, Chris. IÕm just...Ó He held out
his hand to her. As if that could
explain it. Could make it better.
She
took his hand. ÒYouÕre hurt. And youÕre mad. And part of it is at me, but you donÕt
want to be that guy, so youÕre
sending all your anger his way.Ó
He
sighed.
ÒBut
he doesnÕt deserve it. Yes, he did
a bad thing. And this latest Pon Farr was a cluster fuck of the highest order. No one will argue with you on
that.Ó She moved closer, didnÕt
object as he pulled off her clothes and shoes and pulled back the covers. She slid in, waited for him to join her,
then said, ÒBut heÕs still your friend, Jim. And heÕs still my friend. And if Ny ever lets me in, sheÕs still
my friend. And maybe someday weÕll
be the fun foursome again.Ó
He
got into bed, pulled the covers over them, and held her close until she relaxed
in his arms. ÒNyotaÕs
hurting, Chris. And I canÕt help
her.Ó He could see it stung her to
hear that he was talking to Ny, but she nodded. ÒYou talk to Spock. I talk to her. WhatÕs wrong with this picture?Ó
ÒOne
of us has to make things right with them before all of us can be right.Ó
ÒYouÕre
very wise.Ó He leaned in to kiss
her.
She
stopped him, her eyes angry now.
ÒIÕm not sure I want to sleep here.
I hate you.Ó
ÒYou
love me. And I love you. If we didnÕt love each other, weÕd have
no problem.Ó
He
kissed her, and for a moment, he wasnÕt sure if she would kiss him back, but
then she relaxed again in his arms, her mouth opening. They kissed for a long time, sometimes angry touches, sometimes forgiving.
When
they finally pulled away, she smiled and said, ÒI thought you were too tired.Ó
ÒIÕm
an idiot.Ó
ÒFinally,Ó
she said as she pushed him to his back and crawled on top of him. ÒSomething we can agree on.Ó
##
Uhura
stepped into sickbay and immediately felt at a disadvantage. This was ChristineÕs territory. Even if Leonard was in charge now,
Christine had handpicked everyone on the staff when Decker and she had filled
the billets. People were loyal to
her. Alpha shift
to Gamma. Uhura had
what? Two
security officers?
Christine
came in from one of the inventory rooms, saw her standing there. Her smile was wary but real. ÒHi.Ó
ÒHi. Got a minute?Ó
ÒSure. Here?Ó She gestured to the main sickbay area.
ÒNo. The cushy office.Ó She knew she sounded a little sheepish,
didnÕt think Christine would mind.
ÒYou
know the way.Ó
She
walked in, sat down in her usual chair, busied herself
with the dust catcher she always played with when she was down here. ÒSo I wanted to apologize about what I
said. I was cruel.Ó
ÒDid
you mean it?Ó
She
met ChristineÕs eyes.
ÒI
guess itÕs nice that you realize it was cruel. But if you really meant it, then so
what, you know?Ó
Uhura
nodded. ÒI donÕt know if I meant
it.Ó
ÒWow. Okay.Ó
ÒBut
I didnÕt mean to say it.Ó
ÒOkay
but if you think it—if thatÕs how you feel about me. What does that say about us?Ó
Uhura
nodded. ÒWe need to get some things
out on the table. IÕm off shift now
but you look like youÕre still working...?Ó
ÒIÕm
not. IÕm off. JimÕs with some
dignitaries so I have the night free. But then you knew that, didnÕt you?Ó
Uhura
smiled tightly. ÒNo flies on you.Ó
ÒNope. IÕm the smart one.Ó Christine didnÕt smile when she said it.
ÒYeah. LetÕs not start there.Ó She put the dust catcher down, forced
herself to put her hands in her lap.
ÒI need to know if youÕre still in love with Spock.Ó
ÒIÕm
not.Ó
ÒSee,
I have trouble believing that.Ó
ÒWhy? What have I done to give you any idea
IÕm not happy with Jim?Ó
ÒThose
are two different things, technically.
You could still be in love with Spock, some part of you. HereÕs the thing: I have a hard time imagining
myself gadding about with my rapist.
ThatÕs what it boils down to.
So...your story doesnÕt hold up.Ó
ÒYou
think IÕm lying about the rape?Ó
ÒI
think—I think maybe it wasnÕt that bad. I donÕt see how it could have been. I know youÕve been talking to him. I know youÕre supporting him. Why would you do that?Ó
ÒNy,
donÕt you get it? I felt
responsible for what happened. I
pushed and pushed—you arenÕt wrong about me doing that. I just picked the really worst time to
do it that time.Ó
ÒSo
allÕs forgiven because it was your fault?Ó
ÒItÕs
not that simple.Ó
ÒBecause
you love him.Ó
ÒYes,
part of me loves him, Ny. Loves,
not in love with. I gave up on him
long ago. Probably that night when
I had to limp back to my quarters in a torn uniform, wondering what the hell
had just happened. And by wondering
I mean both the normal fog that any attack victim has and the fog that came
from the meld he used to make me less panicked—it made it hard to feel that the attack happened to me.Ó
ÒBut
you could remember it?Ó
ÒOh,
yes. Just...from a distance. But it still hurt. It was still confusing. I couldnÕt tell anyone that the man I
loved had...Ó She
reached for her coffee, and Uhura realized her hand was shaking. ÒYou think I was all right? You think I wasnÕt affected? You remember Ensign Foster? It was after a party and IÕd had too
much to drink. Foster and I were in
my quarters, and I had no idea IÕd have any problems...but I did. I...flashed back. He must have thought I was crazy the way
I panicked. He left so fast and
avoided me for the rest of the tour.
I didnÕt have sex for two years after that. I saw a therapist outside of the
Starfleet system so it wouldnÕt be on my record—or SpockÕs.
ÒThe
first man I was with after therapy was a professor in med school. Nothing like
resurrecting bad habits. He
was older and lonely and patient, but we had very little in common.Ó She shook her head. ÒBut he helped me over the hump, so to
speak. I never told him what had happened.
Not in any detail. Just that
it had been a long time since IÕd been with anyone, and that my last time
hadnÕt been good. And then I saw a
fellow student. Young,
so young. Not
very much fun, to be honest.
Very serious. But he was sweet. He was good for my ego.
ÒAnd
then Jim came along and I was ready for him, by then. Thank God I was ready because to have
missed what we have... You think
this was easy—going back in there to Spock? It wasnÕt. But IÕm not the same person and SpockÕs
not either. He went to Gol for me—I was one of the reasons. I never knew that until a few days ago.Ó
Uhura
looked down, stunned to finally know the reason Spock had left—and angry
that she was hearing it secondhand.
ÒHe didnÕt tell me that.Ó
ÒI
probably shouldnÕt have told you. But
he felt it, Ny. The guilt. The shame. He didnÕt go blithely on with his
life. He hated what heÕd done. I think if IÕd brought him up on
charges, he would have been better able to live with it. Paid the price, you know?Ó
She
nodded. ÒI wish IÕd been there for
you.Ó It sounded great, a
supportive thing to say—would Christine hear what she was really saying?
ÒI
wish I could have let you.Ó
ÒI
think you could have.Ó
ÒAnd
I donÕt.Ó She met UhuraÕs
eyes. Hers were implacable. ÒIs this our line in the sand?Ó
ÒNo,
I donÕt think so. ItÕs a
fundamental difference between us. One that I wonÕt forget. One that youÕll bury as soon as I
leave.Ó
Christine
looked away. ÒYou think thatÕs
cowardice.Ó
ÒI
think itÕs not how IÕd do it.Ó
ÒWell,
IÕm not you.Ó
ÒYeah. I know that.Ó She leaned in. ÒPut the past away if you have to. But this Pon
Farr—are you okay now? Can
you have sex with Jim now?Ó She
made her voice as firm as she could, as clinical as she could, the way sheÕd
heard Christine do with patients.
Christine
smiled at her, as if she knew what she was doing. ÒI can. IÕm fine. I really am a different person. And Spock didnÕt hurt me like last
time. HeÕs my friend now. He melded with me and sent my mind far
away so I donÕt even remember anything about this Pon
Farr. He never wanted to be my
lover this time, but once he was, he didnÕt want to harm me. ThatÕs a good thing in a boyfriend, Ny.Ó
Uhura
thought about that. ÒI suppose, if
I have to see the bright side, that is a good thing.Ó She laughed and it came out more bitter
than amused. ÒGod, this is screwed
up.Ó
ÒYeah.Ó
ÒDo
you want to go get something to drink and not
talk about this?Ó
ÒOh
God, yes.Ó
Uhura
stood up, put her hands on her hips, and coughed in the self-important way that
used to be a prelude to her Òrules of the roadÓ pronouncement for one of their
nights out with Jan. ÒOkay. Acceptable topics are ChekovÕs latest
romance disasters, rumors from Command, anything having to do with what Janice
is up to at Officer Candidate School, and ship scuttlebutt that is not about
the four of us.Ó
ÒGotcha.Ó Christine rose and touched UhuraÕs
arm. ÒThank you.Ó
ÒWeÕre
not necessarily all right yet.Ó
ÒI
know. But weÕre not all wrong,
either.Ó
##
Part
Two
Chapel
lay in bed with Jim, nuzzling along his collarbone, running her hand around the
back of his neck, up into his hair the way he always liked. She smiled when she hit the sweet spot
and he moaned.
He
scratched her back lightly, the way she could never get enough of. ÒSo, I rented a house in Tahoe for our
leave. Mountains and beach all at
once.Ó
She
laughed.
ÒI
didnÕt ask you where you wanted to go.Ó
ÒThe
fact you want me to go with you is enough for me.Ó She pulled away so she could see his
face. ÒMaybe IÕll get upset over
having no say in the destination some other time.Ó
He
smiled, but it was a strange smile.
ÒThe house is really big. It
has a big master suite on one end and about six bedrooms at the other with the
common area in between.Ó
ÒIs
the layout important? Will there be
a quiz later? Should I know when it
was built?Ó She grinned.
He
laughed. ÒSorry to be so
cryptic. I was thinking...I was
thinking we could invite Spock and Nyota.
They wonÕt interfere with our activities because I made sure our suite
was very, very private.Ó
ÒAh, hence the info about the big common area between us and the many other
bedrooms. Many rooms, which means
they donÕt have to stay in the same room unless they want to?Ó
ÒBingo.Ó He brushed her hair off her face. ÒAnd itÕs right on the lake, with lots
of acreage. Plenty
of room to walk if one of them needs time alone. Or if we do.Ó He waggled his eyebrows.
She
laughed.
ÒSo,
you on board with this plan or do you want it to be just us?Ó
ÒIÕm
on board, but why are you?Ó It
touched her that he wanted to do this, but she wasnÕt sure what had caused the
about face in attitude.
ÒSomething
you said.Ó He smiled. ÒWhat? I can admit when IÕm wrong—did you
think I couldnÕt?Ó He took a deep
breath. ÒItÕs going to take me a
while—maybe a long while—to be able to look at Spock and not see
what he did to you. But...you were
right. I did it, too, when I attacked
Janice.Ó
ÒNo,
Jim. You didnÕt. Janice got away.Ó
ÒBut
I could have done it. I wanted to. And, unlike Spock, I can remember doing
it. Vivid details not the haze you
say his memories are.Ó
ÒBut
also unlike Spock, the odds of you finding yourself that man again are slim to none. HeÕll repeat the cycle over and over.Ó
ÒThis
is true. But he wonÕt repeat the
cycle with you. If I have to shoot
you off the ship in an escape pod, it wonÕt be with you.Ó
She
smiled. ÒI already told him it
would not be with me. I donÕt care
if he bonds with his grandmother, he needs to get this taken care of.Ó
ÒGrandmother?Ó He made a funny face. ÒAt any rate, heÕll have options.Ó
ÒMaybe
not Ny. SheÕs really mad at him.Ó
ÒI
know. He really hurt her. He really hurt all of us.Ó
ÒHe
really hurt himself, too, Jim. And
he didnÕt mean to. I think you need
to hold on to that one little fact.
He did not mean to.Ó
He
nodded. ÒSo IÕll let them know
tomorrow. If they want to come,
thereÕs plenty of room. WeÕll be there for a week during the refits. They can come or not, as they please.Ó
ÒItÕs
nice of you. Thank you.Ó
ÒI
miss them. And I miss him,
especially.Ó
ÒI
know you do. You must be going
through chess withdrawals.Ó
ÒI
am. Sex with you is great and all
but a good checkmate...Ó
He laughed at her expression, rolled her to her back, and moved
on top of her. ÒWait, I may have
that backwards.Ó
She
kissed him, pulling him closer, moaning as he pushed into her. ÒI love you, Jim.Ó
His
eyes were very gentle. ÒI love you,
too, Chris.Ó
##
Spock
sat in the window seat of the Vulcan Embassy, looking out at the garden as he
wondered where Nyota was—had she accepted Jim and ChristineÕs invitation
to stay in Tahoe?
ÒAre
you moping, Spock?Ó His mother came
and stood behind him, rubbing his shoulders as if he was a small boy.
There
was no one in the vicinity—and he found her caress oddly
comforting—so he did not tell her to stop. ÒI do not mope, Mother.Ó
ÒReally? Because if it walks like a duck and
talks like a duck...Ó
ÒThat
saying has never made sense to me.Ó
ÒItÕs
extremely logical and you know it.Ó
She let go of his shoulders and sat down next to him. ÒI thought you were bringing Nyota by. What happened?Ó
He
shook his head.
ÒOh,
darling, please tell me you have not broken up with her—or more likely
she broke up with you.Ó
ÒI
am unsure of the status of our relationship.Ó
ÒWell,
thatÕs unacceptable. IÕd be quite
put out with you if I were Nyota.
Letting things go on like that.Ó
He
felt a surge of frustration and pushed it down. ÒIt is how she said she wished it. ÔGive me time,Õ she told me.Ó
ÒAnd
how long ago did she ask for time?Ó
ÒSeveral
weeks.Ó
ÒAnd
how long has it been since you ascertained if she still needed it?Ó
He
allowed himself the indulgence of a sigh.
ÒAh. Several weeks, perhaps?Ó
ÒI
took her at her word.Ó
ÒA
most noble thing to do. But Spock,
itÕs a fine line between not pushing and checking out.Ó
He
looked down. ÒI am, as you know,
not adept at relationship subtleties.Ó
ÒYes,
my dear, I know. Do you have any
idea where sheÕs spending her leave?Ó
ÒPerhaps.Ó
ÒCan
you get there?Ó
He
nodded. He had looked up which
transporter stations would be the quickest route and the local transport to
catch to take him to the house.
ÒDo
you want to get there? ThatÕs the
question, isnÕt it, my dearest?Ó
She tipped his chin up so he had to look at her. ÒYou seem quite unhappy. I think perhaps you should go fight for
her, donÕt you? If you decide to
leave, IÕll say your goodbyes to your father.Ó
He
nodded. ÒI should go.Ó
ÒThereÕs
my brave boy.Ó She smiled at
him. ÒBring her by on your way
back. Once you get all your
reuniting out of the way.Ó
ÒI
am not sure that will happen this visit.
She is very angry at me.Ó
ÒWell,
however long it takes, Spock. Vulcans
may be abysmal at romance, but they excel at the long view.Ó
##
Kirk
finished building the bonfire, saw Chris bringing beers down from the chiller
on the patio, and said, ÒThis is the life.Ó
ÒA
swig of beer, a fire, and thou?Ó
She handed him a bottle.
ÒCreative
paraphrasing.Ó He opened the
bottle, held it up and she clinked hers against it, then
nestled in next to him on the old log that sat in front of the fire pit, and
they watched the sunset color the sky.
She wrapped her arms around him and he asked, ÒYou cold?Ó
ÒA
little. I forgot how much it cools
off at night up here.Ó
ÒI
love that it does that. Someday IÕm
going to have a house in the mountains.Ó
He pulled her closer, rubbed her back, trying to warm her up. ÒWould you like that?Ó
ÒI
would. Are we making someday
plans?Ó
ÒWhy
not?Ó He kissed
her forehead, let his lips linger. Why the hell not?
A
soft cough sounded behind them.
Kirk turned, saw Spock standing there.
ÒThe
house was empty...I knocked.Ó
For
a moment, there was a world of discomfort between them. Or maybe it was just the woman he held
in his arms that was between them.
Only
she wasnÕt. Not really. Kirk had to let that go. ÒYou donÕt have to knock, Spock. YouÕre invited. Come sit.Ó
ÒDo
you want some water?Ó Chris asked.
ÒI
will get it.Ó Spock seemed eager
not to put Chris out. ÒWhere is the
chiller?Ó
ÒUp
on the patio,Ó she said, relaxing against Kirk, not appearing to be in any
great need to wait on Spock.
Good.
ÒOne
down,Ó she murmured, turning and kissing his neck. ÒYou think youÕll lure the other one in,
too?Ó
ÒI
donÕt know. IÕm shocked we caught
one.Ó
She
kissed him. ÒIÕm not. YouÕre craftier than you realize.Ó She smiled at his look. ÒNeither of them knows if the other one
is here. They probably canÕt stand
that. TheyÕre both like terriers
with bones once there is something they want.Ó
He
started to laugh. ÒThatÕs
true.Ó He heard SpockÕs steps on
the gravel, kissed Chris a little more passionately than was really necessary. When he pulled away, she rolled her eyes
but didnÕt say anything.
ÒYou
are enjoying yourselves?Ó was all Spock asked.
ÒDamn
straight, old friend.Ó
ÒIt
is a beautiful property.Ó
Chris
smiled. ÒIt is. Lots of excellent places to meditate.Ó
ÒMost
agreeable.Ó The look he turned on
her was full of affection and Kirk bristled, had to force himself to let it go.
Spock
was her friend now. Just because
Spock had spent a day and a half fucking KirkÕs girl did not mean he wanted
more from her than friendship. Just
because he had rap—
ÒHey.Ó Chris shook his hand where he was
holding onto her. Where he was
clenching.
ÒSorry.Ó
ÒItÕs
all right,Ó she mouthed.
He
kissed her again, not caring how stupid it was. Needing to do it.
Spock
gave him a bland look when he finally pulled away, then took a long pull from
his water bottle.
ÒSo,
you have your choice of rooms.
TheyÕre all lovely,Ó Chris said.
ÒThank
you.Ó He looked from her to
Kirk. ÒI mean that sincerely,
Jim. Thank you for including me.Ó
ÒI
know IÕve been distant. I know IÕm
likely to be a bit of an asshole at times this leave. IÕll say that now. IÕm still...struggling with this.Ó
ÒTo
be expected.Ó
ÒRight.Ó Kirk looked at Chris. ÒBut sheÕs our true north. Or mine anyway.Ó
ÒShe
is yours, Jim. That is
indisputable.Ó
Kirk
saw how hard Spock was trying, the earnestness in his eyes. ÒFunny, it didnÕt feel like that a few
weeks ago.Ó
ÒI
know. I regret that deeply.Ó Spock did not look away. ÒI regret everything that happened. Now and in the past.Ó
ÒTell
her that, not me.Ó
ÒI
have told her that, Jim. I went to Gol because of that.Ó
ÒIs
that why you went?Ó Suddenly that
decision made a lot more sense.
ÒIn
great part. It was not the entire
reason.Ó
Chris squeezed his hand, but didnÕt say anything.
Spock
suddenly stood. ÒIf this is
uncomfortable, I can leave. You two
looked...peaceful before I arrived.Ó
Chris
answered before Kirk could. ÒI
still am peaceful. The two of you
will never get back to that if you keep avoiding each other. That was the whole point of this
leave.Ó She looked at Kirk. ÒRight?Ó
He
smiled, amused at the tone in her voice.
ÒRight, darling.Ó
ÒExcellent. Now sit down, Spock, and enjoy the
fire.Ó She turned and kissed Kirk. A very passionate,
very long kiss.
He
wondered if maybe she did have a little something to prove to Spock after all.
##
Uhura
took in the house Jim had rented; it was gorgeous. And big
enough—just like heÕd said—for her to not even have to see Spock if
she didnÕt want to.
If Spock even bothered to show up.
She
opened the door, wasnÕt sure if anyone would be awake so said softly, ÒHello?Ó
ÒNy?Ó Christine peeked around the corner. ÒYou made it. Come in.Ó She enveloped her in a cinnamon-scented
hug. ÒThank God youÕre here. Jim got a house with an actual kitchen,
not just synthesizers, and now he wants me to make some cinnamon rolls his mom
used to bake. And IÕm
hopeless. Please tell me you can
follow a recipe.Ó
Uhura
laughed. ÒYou can identify particulates in minute quantities. Why canÕt you follow a recipe?Ó
ÒI
donÕt know. But I canÕt. Please?Ó Christine made a pleading face, which
was funnier because she had flour on her cheek.
ÒYouÕre
truly pathetic.Ó
ÒI
know. Come in and save me.Ó She tried to take UhuraÕs bag.
ÒDonÕt
touch my bag with those cinnamon-spice hands. IÕll be right out. Any room down the guest hall is mine, I
guess?Ó
Christine
started to smile and shook her head.
ÒHeÕs
here?Ó
She nodded.
ÒOh. I didnÕt expect that.Ó
ÒHe
showed up last night. Took the blue
room. In case you want to file that
away?Ó
Uhura
shot her a look.
ÒOr
not. Go put your stuff away and
save me.Ó
Uhura
walked down the hall, saw the door was open to all the rooms, including one
that was, indeed, blue. Spock was
slipping on his shoes, his hair wet.
ÒHi.Ó She sounded more defensive than she
meant to.
He
looked up. ÒYou came.Ó
ÒSeems
like.Ó
ÒI
am...happy to see you.Ó
She
realized that was a concession on his part to phrase it that way. Decided not to reciprocate. ÒChristine needs me in the kitchen. Seems she canÕt cook.Ó
ÒAh.Ó
She
tried to make sense of that response, could read nothing from his face. ÒWell, IÕm going to pick a room.Ó
ÒI
thought the yellow bedroom would appeal to you, so I did not take it. It faces the water and has a lovely
bathtub.Ó
She
smiled. ÒIÕll check it out. Thanks for saving it for me.Ó
He
nodded.
ÒDo
you like cinnamon rolls?Ó
ÒThe
frosting is very sweet.Ó
ÒIf
we made some without frosting, do you like cinnamon rolls?Ó
ÒI
would enjoy them, I believe.Ó
ÒOkay
then.Ó She was suddenly mad at
herself for asking. ÒNot that weÕre
going to do that just for you.Ó
ÒOf
course not. The needs of the many
outweigh the needs of the one.Ó
ÒNobody
needs cinnamon rolls, Spock.Ó Except apparently Jim.
She left Spock and checked out all the bedrooms, saving the yellow room
for last.
Spock
was right. It was definitely her
favorite: the view was spectacular and the bathtub was big enough for two. She almost picked another room to be
contrary, but decided that was stupid.
It should make her happy that he actually knew what she liked, shouldnÕt
it?
She
put her bag down in the yellow bedroom and went to help Christine.
##
Chapel
was washing up from breakfast when Jim came in.
He
grinned and came up behind her, putting his arms around her. ÒI said IÕd do that.Ó
ÒI
know but I wanted us to get the hell out of their way for a while. Did you get the rowboat ready?Ó
ÒI
did.Ó He kissed the back of her
neck. ÒDo you think we can make
love in it? CinnamonÕs an
aphrodisiac, you know?Ó
She
laughed. ÒDoes the rowboat have a
cloaking device? Because there are
already a lot of boats on the water.Ó
SheÕd seen water skiers and flitter-boards all morning.
ÒSpoil
sport.Ó He started to chuckle. ÒDid you really tell Nyota you canÕt follow a recipe?
YouÕve been trying out new things all week?Ó
ÒShhh. She
doesnÕt need to know that.Ó She put
the last plate in the refresher and turned so she was facing him. ÒAlthough I still have a couple I want
to try.Ó
ÒGuess
youÕll have to fess up.Ó
ÒHopefully
theyÕll have made up by then. And
sheÕll be more comfortable here so I wonÕt have to resort to deception as a way
to make her relax.Ó It had worked
though—Ny had liked thinking Chapel couldnÕt follow a recipe. That bothered Chapel a little more than
she wanted to admit. ÒOr weÕll go
out.Ó
He
took her hand. ÒWhile you were
doing this, I did load up the cooler.
WeÕre all set.Ó
ÒNy,
Spock, weÕre going out in the rowboat.
See you later.Ó Chapel
waited and heard Ny call back, ÒOkay.Ó
Nothing from Spock, but she was sure he was debating the proper response
to that, so she let Jim pull her to the beach.
He
pushed the boat out a little, and she climbed in, then he pushed it out more
and jumped in. ÒReady, my lady?Ó
She
nodded and leaned back, trailing her finger as languidly as she could, making
him laugh as he rowed them away from shore.
ÒYeah,
youÕll be rowing on the way back, and IÕll be the one lazing.Ó He took a deep breath, smiled as he
exhaled. ÒLove it here.Ó
ÒMe,
too.Ó She crawled the short
distance to where he sat and kissed him thoroughly. ÒI love you, too.Ó
ÒMmm.Ó He pulled
her closer. ÒCaptainÕs privilege.Ó
ÒI
think youÕre not the captain on this boat, toots.Ó
ÒOh,
I am the captain on any boat, my dear.Ó
He gave her a stern look, then glanced back at the house. ÒHow do you think theyÕre going to do?Ó
ÒI
donÕt know. SheÕs something else
when sheÕs mad. And heÕs sort of
the definition of stiff. I guess
time will tell. But without us
there, they can crash and burn with no witnesses.Ó
He
nodded. ÒLive to try another
day.Ó He turned the boat, began to
skirt the shoreline, and they looked at the other houses, waving occasionally
to people on shore who waved at them.
ÒFriendly place.Ó
She
studied him as he rowed, how strong he was, how he seemed so at peace as he
moved them across the water.
ÒWhat?Ó
he asked with a smile when he caught her looking at him.
ÒI
love how protective you are of me.
I know IÕve been riding you about Spock, but I should say that. Thank you for looking out for me. For caring about how I feel.Ó
ÒI
hate that it happened to you on my
ship, Chris. That I didnÕt
know. That you went through
that.Ó
ÒWe
werenÕt—Ó
ÒI
know. We were barely friends back
then. But Spock and I were. Bones and I were. Bones missed it. I missed it. Spock hid it. It makes me hurt for you. But it also makes me wonder how many
others I missed?Ó
ÒJim,
no.Ó
ÒNo,
Chris, this was right under my goddamned nose. How many other things happen on my ship—horrible things—that
I donÕt know about?Ó He stopped
rowing. ÒIn the alternate universe,
the me of that place had this device that allowed him to see all over the
ship. That would be handy—IÕd
like to get my hands on one of those.
Of course, it also allowed him to zap people out of existence, but I
wouldnÕt order that option.Ó
ÒJim,
when you choose to observe something, you by default choose to not observe a
host of other things. Even with
your magical device you would still miss stuff. More importantly, Spock didnÕt assault
me because you set a loose moral tone on your ship. Spock raped me because he was in the
final stages of the Pon Farr, and none of us knew he
should be isolated and not allowed near anything with a pulse. And I was obsessed with him back
then. Imagine what I was projecting
to a hormonally charged telepath?
It was like...bourbon on a bonfire.Ó
ÒQuoting
Bones?Ó
ÒItÕs
seems apt.Ó
ÒJust
promise me. If you ever hear
anything, even gossip, that something like that has happened to anyone on the
ship, youÕll tell me.Ó
ÒOkay.Ó She reached out, took his hand when he
reached back. ÒStop beating
yourself up. YouÕre my hero.Ó
He
gave her a sad smile and went back to rowing.
##
Spock
found Nyota sitting on the patio, watching a boat—presumably the one
Christine said she and Jim were taking—head down the shoreline. ÒMay I join you?Ó
ÒSuit
yourself.Ó
Spock
sat and studied her. When he had
first met her, heÕd classified her as soft...sweet. But as theyÕd grown closer, heÕd come to
understand that underneath the pleasant mask she wore was a streak of hardness
that rivaled McCoyÕs. HeÕd
discovered from the melds theyÕd shared that she was deeply insecure about
certain things, although heÕd never brought it up with her.
He
was glad now he never had. He
thought she needed to hide in the fiction that she did not have any
worries. That she was not
threatened by Christine—even if she was.
And
Christine evidently knew it, had clearly given her the upper hand this morning
in the kitchen to increase her sense of security in a house that was, for all
intents and purposes, ChristineÕs.
He
knew for a fact that Christine could follow a recipe quite well because Jim had
told him. Jim loved to eat;
Christine loved to cook. It was a
fortuitous dovetailing of interests.
The
cinnamon rolls had been quite good.
Spock had a suspicion, however, that they would have been better if
Christine had made them. He would
never admit that to Nyota—he might be abysmal, as his mother had said, at
romance, but he was not a fool.
ÒSo
youÕre going to just sit there?Ó
Nyota was never patient.
ÒDid
you wish to converse?Ó
ÒI
didnÕt say that.Ó
ÒThen
I plan to sit here. It is a lovely
view, is it not?Ó
ÒIt
is. And the weather is wonderful,
too. Anything else innocuous we can
talk about?Ó
ÒYou
said you did not wish to talk.Ó
She
started to kick the leg she had crossed over her other one. Never a good sign.
He
did not look at her, simply watched the boat with their friends as he said
softly, ÒI miss you.Ó
Her
leg stilled.
ÒI
miss you very much. My mother noted
my unhappiness without you.Ó He
turned to her. ÒDo you not miss
me?Ó
ÒMaybe.Ó
He
supposed as answers went that a maybe was preferable to a no. He looked back out at the water.
ÒYes,Ó
she whispered.
He
closed his eyes for a moment.
ÒI
miss everything, Spock. I miss
you. I miss us—being a
couple. Being safe. Why canÕt I feel safe with you? Why do I have to worry that Christine is
going to always be there? But the
hell of it is, I donÕt want to lose the four of
us. I like being with them. And sheÕs part of them. Although, frankly, if he wanted to break
up with her and be with someone else, that might be fine with me. We could be with whoever else he
chooses.Ó
He
turned to look at her. ÒYou do not
mean that.Ó
ÒDonÕt
tell me what I mean. You may like
her more than I do right now, Spock.
You may like her more than I ever will again. Can you live with that?Ó
He
did not look away. ÒShe is
blameless in this. Do not hate her
for what I did.Ó
ÒI
love you. I have to hate someone,
so if not you then itÕs got to be her, doesnÕt
it? WeÕve had problems for a while,
she and I.Ó
ÒYes. You have been
threatened by her for some time.
She does not appear to be threatened by you.Ó
ÒThis
is how you win me back?Ó
ÒNyota,
I care for you deeply. But you are
blaming the wrong person.Ó
ÒTake
what you get, Spock. I played nice
this morning. IÕll play nice the
rest of the time. That doesnÕt mean
IÕm not seeing her in your arms when I look at her. That doesnÕt mean IÕm not wondering if
she liked being there.Ó
ÒShe
did not. I melded with her, gave
her distance.Ó
ÒI
thought you couldnÕt remember it?
If you canÕt, then how do you know what she felt?Ó She glared at him. ÒCan you honestly say you are one
hundred percent certain she didnÕt enjoy being with you?Ó
ÒI
was not myself, but I am relatively certain that my meld did as I intended,
that—Ó
ÒRelatively. What is that? Seventy-five percent?Ó
ÒNinety-nine
point nine.Ó
ÒI
think youÕre overestimating.Ó She
got up. ÒIÕm going for a walk. IÕll see you at dinner.Ó
He
watched her go. He knew if he went
after her, if he said he understood her position, he would probably be welcome
to accompany her.
She
wanted him back. She was prepared
to take out what he had done on Christine.
But
that was unfair.
He
let her go.
##
Kirk
heard banging in the kitchen, came in from the bedroom, and saw Chris taking
out pans. ÒYouÕre going to blow
your cover, sweetheart.Ó
ÒYou
know what? I want to try this Fesenjan recipe—I found one for squash and eggplant
instead of chicken—and lying is stupid.Ó
ÒWell,
since IÕm a fan of your cooking, I agree with both points, but how are you
going to break it to Nyota?Ó
ÒIÕll
tell her the truth. She looked
uncomfortable and I panicked because I thought she was going to leave. So I lied. And I will skip the part about how I
knew that having something that she did better than I did would make her feel
good enough to stay.Ó
She
began to chop and peel vegetables.
She was a master with a knife and he liked to watch her work.
ÒCan
I help?Ó
ÒDo
you mind grinding the walnuts?Ó
He
found a grinder, began to feed in the walnuts. As it whirred away, he asked, ÒDo you
want to talk about your last comment?
ÒThe
walnuts?Ó She glanced over at him.
ÒNyota.Ó He grinned at her. ÒI thought you two were doing better?Ó
ÒWhen
she came in from her walk, she had a weird look on her face. She said hello but she canÕt hide when
sheÕs really mad. She thinks she
can, but she canÕt, not from me.Ó
ÒShould
we be talking about her quite so loudly if sheÕs here?Ó
ÒShe
went into town—said sheÕd be back in a few hours. And SpockÕs meditating on the beach.Ó
ÒAh.Ó He poured out the grinder, showed her
how much he had. ÒThis enough?Ó
She
nodded. ÒThanks.Ó
ÒYou
want some wine?Ó At her nod, he
checked their stock. They had a Beaujolais heÕd been waiting to try. He opened it, gave it a taste, and
decided it was something sheÕd like too.
He poured them both glasses and took hers over to her. ÒHave you talked to her about it?Ó
ÒSheÕll
talk when sheÕs ready. Not before.Ó
He
smiled. He thought Chris taking the
reins back in the kitchen might be her way of forcing the conversation to
happen on her timetable rather than NyotaÕs. Ballsy move. It was probably what he would do. But... ÒAt the risk of ticking you off while
youÕre making what will no doubt be a fabulous meal, can I ask why your first
instinct was to lie to her?Ó
She
stopped slicing.
ÒI
shouldnÕt complain, Chris. The
objective was to keep her here, and you achieved that. But she was unsure and instead of
reaching out to encourage her, you played her. IÕm not saying itÕs not what I would
have done in your shoes, but itÕs kind of a cold move. And itÕll have repercussions. SheÕs going to be more unsure now than
when she started.Ó
She
frowned and looked at him. He
thought she might get mad at him, but she seemed to be thinking rather than
reacting—the same way she did about Spock, only Kirk liked it when her
calm was directed at him. ÒYouÕre
right,Ó she said. ÒI did play
her. I gave her what I knew would
keep her here. DidnÕt even think
about it. And hated that she
enjoyed it.Ó
ÒWhy
did you do it?Ó
She
put the knife down and grabbed her wine glass. He realized her hand was
shaking—and it hadnÕt been before.
ÒIÕm angry at her. For a
number of reasons.Ó
ÒElaborate.Ó He kept his tone mild, sipped his wine
as if they had all the time in the world.
ÒIÕm
angry that she told me I donÕt deserve the position IÕm in, the office I sit
in, the rank IÕll get next. That
IÕm sleeping my way to my next promotion.Ó
He
had to bite back a surge of anger on that last one.
ÒThat
she pulled rank on me. That she
told me sheÕd always outrank me.Ó
He
leaned in, looked her straight in the eye.
ÒShe wonÕt.Ó
She
met his gaze. ÒI know.Ó And she looked like she believed
it. ÒBut itÕs more than that, Jim. IÕm angry that she wonÕt let go of this
idea that I somehow liked what happened.
Do you think I did?Ó
He
shook his head.
ÒBut
you wonder, donÕt you? Or you did.Ó
ÒNo,
Chris, I donÕt. I
did at first, okay, IÕll admit it. But now? No.
If you told me it was a romantic interlude, then yes, I might wonder
about it. But this wasnÕt that. I know what I did to Janice. I know what I saw on Tarsus IV when I
was a boy. No one enjoys being
brutalized, no matter how easy he was on you this time. The best that can be said is that it
didnÕt damage you, and for that IÕm very grateful.Ó
She
let her breath out slowly as if sheÕd been holding it. Then she nodded. ÒYes. Exactly.Ó
She
turned, picked up the knife.
He
moved in close, put his arms around her.
ÒBut the first time—it damaged you that time, didnÕt it?Ó
ÒIt
did.Ó She was slicing mushrooms
very carefully as she said, ÒEven with the distance he gave me, there was a
long time when I didnÕt want anyone to touch me. I thought...I thought IÕd find a way
over it by myself. I eventually had
to get some help.Ó
ÒNot
Starfleet?Ó
ÒNo. Outside. When I was in med school.Ó She leaned back. ÒAnd an understanding partner. Not a very good one, but that didnÕt
matter. With help, I found my way
back.Ó
ÒIÕd
never guess youÕd ever had an issue with sex. But promise me—if I ever do
anything you donÕt feel comfortable with...Ó
ÒJim,
IÕd tell you.Ó She turned her head
enough for him to kiss her. ÒI
would tell you, and you never have.
I have always felt safe with you.Ó
She started slicing with more vigor. ÒIÕll think about what you said, about
the lying. I shouldnÕt do that. ItÕs not a good habit to fall into,
playing people.Ó
ÒNo.Ó He gave her a squeeze, then moved around
to the other side of the counter and sat on a stool so he could watch her
cook. TheyÕd had chicken Fesenjan in a Persian restaurant in Berlin and fallen in
love with the sour-sweet taste of the pomegranate-walnut-based stew. He couldnÕt wait to see how her
vegetable version compared.
##
Uhura
sat back in her chair, enjoying the pleasant fullness from the fabulous dish
Christine had served. ÒWhere did
you get this?Ó
Jim
shot Christine a look, then turned to Spock. ÒWhat do you say to a game of chess on
the patio?Ó
ÒNow,
Jim?Ó
ÒYes. Right now. I think Christine and Nyota have some
things to talk about.Ó He gave
Christine a strange smile—one that Uhura thought looked more like Ògood
luckÓ than anything else—then hustled Spock away.
ÒWhat
did I say?Ó
ÒI
didnÕt order out. I made the
dish. I can follow a recipe just
fine.Ó
Uhura
felt her contentment melt away.
ÒOh. So you lied to me this
morning?Ó
ÒI
did. I thought you looked a little
panicked and I was afraid you were going to run. So I...gave you what I thought would
keep you here: one up on me. And we
probably need to talk about that.Ó
ÒWe
probably need to talk about quite a few things.Ó Uhura bit back the even meaner things
that wanted to come out. ÒDid you
practice with Jim? Is that how he
knew to flee?Ó
ÒNo. HeÕs a smart guy. And he called me on the lying. HeÕs in your corner, Ny.Ó
ÒWell,
at least someone is. Spock
certainly doesnÕt seem to be.Ó He
could have been, but heÕd refused to side with her. Since when were he and Christine such
great buddies?
ÒI
donÕt think this is really about Spock, is it? I think this goes back to what you said
in the mess. ThatÕs what keeps
eating at me. That I donÕt deserve
the job IÕm in. But you didnÕt
really mean the job IÕm in now, did you?
You meant the job I was in before Jim brought Len back. The job Decker put me in: CMO.Ó
Uhura
debated getting up and walking out, not having this conversation at all. She could grab her stuff and leave. Put in transfer papers and get off the
goddamn Enterprise finally, the way
her career counselors had advised her two years ago.
But
she wanted to have it out with Christine.
She wanted to get some things off her chest. ÒYouÕre a lieutenant. Show me another lieutenant thatÕs a
CMO. ItÕs ludicrous. You said Decker picked you because he
liked your attitude during the interview, but I saw the two of you together
when you were staffing sickbay. You
were simpatico.Ó
ÒWe
clicked.Ó
ÒOh,
you more than clicked. You clearly
had history. You were sleeping with
him, werenÕt you?Ó Why the hell
wouldnÕt Christine sleep with a boss—sheÕd done it once already with
Roger.
Christine
laughed—a soft, bitter exhalation of air. ÒI wasnÕt sleeping with him during the
refits. I was sleeping with Jim.Ó
Uhura
felt like sheÕd been punched. ÒYou
said you were his plus one a few times.
You never said—Ó
ÒHe
was staying on Earth. I was
leaving. What point was there in
telling you?Ó
Uhura
stared at her, knew her jaw had dropped, and shook her head. ÒSo you buried it, just like the
rape? What else have you not told
me about? Do I even know you? Why donÕt I know that you cook? You and Jan and I went on vacation all
the time—you never cooked for us.Ó
ÒCooking
is domestic. Our vacations were
about other things.Ó
ÒSo
you only cook for men?Ó Uhura held
up her hands. ÒThis is a tangent I
donÕt even want to explore. LetÕs
get back to Decker. If you werenÕt
sleeping with him, then how did you know him?Ó
ÒHis
father and Roger were good friends.
Matt used to try to recruit Roger into Starfleet. It never worked, but he never stopped
trying. Since Matt was out on the
ship so much, we looked out for Stella and Will. I was like WillÕs aunt, I guess. A young aunt.Ó She took a deep breath.
ÒSo,
I rest my case. You didnÕt earn your job.Ó She pushed her chair out, got up, and
began to pace. ÒSome of us went to
the Academy and busted our asses and did the right
thing, over and over and over. And
we moved in the way youÕre supposed to.
We got places by working hard and earning what comes next.Ó
ÒWell,
IÕm sorry I missed the Academy, Ny.
I was too busy getting my degrees.Ó
ÒYes,
your fifteen trillion degrees.Ó She
shook her head and laughed. ÒSo
when you got on the ship the first time, you didnÕt talk your way there. Commodore Decker got you on board to
look for Roger. Jim had nothing to
do with it.Ó
ÒOh,
I talked my way aboard JimÕs ship.
But youÕre right, Matt helped.
He got me into Starfleet with a minimum of red tape.Ó ChristineÕs face flushed, the way it did
when she was very angry. ÒFound a
nurseÕs billet to point me to, but I did the rest. IÕm just sorry we were on vacation with
Jan when Jim found him and the Constellation. I might have been able to reason with
him.Ó
She
seemed lost in thought for a moment, then she looked up and her eyes were
hard. ÒAnd sure, Ny, some people
work hard and progress that way—quickly or slowly, depends on the
person. And others have
opportunities presented based on relationships theyÕve built. ItÕs how the world works, and if you
havenÕt had a chance to forge any ties sitting on the bridge of JimÕs ship for
most of your career, well, thatÕs not my problem.Ó
ÒWho
are you?Ó
ÒIÕm
who I always have been. It was fine
when I was a nurse and an ensign, you could deal with that. But the minute I was a section head,
then you started acting weird. And
then I got Jim and everything changed.Ó
Uhura
clenched her teeth, forcing herself not to say anything.
ÒWhat
are you really the most jealous of?
That Spock had me, or that I have Jim? He wouldnÕt break his rule for Jan. You never tried to make him notice you
like she did, but we both knew—she and I—that you were as
infatuated with him as she was.Ó
ÒAnd
you never were. So why do you end
up with him? How the hell did that
happen? How do you even deserve
him?Ó She closed her eyes. Damn it all—she had not meant to
say that.
ÒBecause
he loves me. Because
I love him. Because we work.
I donÕt know, Ny.Ó Christine
sighed. ÒWhy did you get Spock?Ó
ÒDoes
it bother you?Ó She studied
Christine.
ÒNo. It was more a hypothetical question.Ó
Uhura
sat back down. She felt...empty
inside. SheÕd always thought that
being able to tell Christine how she felt would make her feel better somehow. Stronger in a perverse
way.
But now she felt like there was nothing left to say. ÒSo, what now?Ó
ÒWell,
we know where we stand.
Finally.Ó Christine poured
herself more wine, then pushed the bottle to her. ÒWe figure out if we want to still be
friends, I guess.Ó
Uhura
poured herself another glass and drank a third of it down in the first big
gulp. ÒYeah. I guess thatÕs what we need to do.Ó
ÒItÕs
going to be damned inconvenient for our men if we donÕt.Ó
ÒWell,
not all relationships last. And I
donÕt give you and Jim much of a shelf life.Ó Uhura knew it was too much—too low
a blow. And mean rather than true.
Christine
stood up slowly and picked up her wine glass. Her expression was as cold as Uhura had
ever seen it. ÒStay off the patio
tonight. In fact, you may want to
retire to your room now.Ó
ÒIÕm
fine here.Ó
ChristineÕs
eyes seemed to go dead, as if Uhura wasnÕt even there. More than anything it reminded her of
how Spock had looked when heÕd told her to go get Christine during the Pon Farr.
Why were these two so damn much alike?
It was almost a shame they hadnÕt gotten together and saved her and Jim a
lot of trouble.
Christine
turned and went out to the patio, closing the door behind her.
##
Chapel
stalked past Jim and Spock playing chess and walked down the beach. She kicked off her sandals and walked
barefoot into the water, kicking angrily as she waded.
Ny
was a problem.
Chapel
sighed. If she was honest—and
she prided herself on being honest with herself—Ny had always been a
problem. Chapel had always kept
things from her.
SheÕd
told Jim why Will had chosen her the minute the selection was made. It had never occurred to her not to tell
Jim. With Ny it had been second
nature to lie about it because Chapel had known sheÕd be judged: one more way
she hadnÕt fucking earned her place
in the Fleet Ny professed to love so damn much. A fleet Ny never explored because she
was too busy homesteading on one ship, which was career suicide.
It
had taken all of ChapelÕs self control not to tell her how hard Decker had to
fight to get Ny promoted to lieutenant commander. HeÕd told Chapel about it—primarily
because sheÕd urged him to do it.
HeÕd barely known Ny, had no reason to fight for someone who had
resisted any and all career broadening experiences. But Chapel had pushed, and heÕd done as
sheÕd asked.
She
was NyÕs friend, even if Ny probably didnÕt believe
it any more.
But
Ny wouldnÕt appreciate knowing her promotion came as a result of
connections. She would want to
believe sheÕd earned it.
And
Chapel would let her. It might be
the last thing she did for her as a friend. That comment about Jim and her was
uncalled for.
ÒIÕm
sorry.Ó
She
whirled, was shocked to see Ny standing behind her in the wet sand. All her angry surf-kicking
must have masked the sound.
ÒIÕm
sorry. I went too far. I thought getting all the anger and
ugliness out would make me feel better, but now I feel sick inside.Ó She backed up to where the sand was dry
and sat down. ÒMy mentors have told
me to move on—that I was committing careericide
by staying in the same job for so long.
I love this job. You know?Ó
Chapel
nodded. ÒYouÕre really good at it.Ó
ÒBut
IÕve stopped growing. ThatÕs what
they tell me—and what the perception is. They were shocked that I got promoted
again.Ó
Chapel
kept her face expressionless.
ÒSo
I have this job I love. Working
with people I love. Most of whom are also doing the same thing theyÕve been doing. Scotty. Sulu. Leonard. And then thereÕs you and Jan and even Pavel. Trying
new things. Even Jim did. He came back but he tried, he did his
time. And Spock, in his extreme
way.Ó
Chapel
smiled.
ÒIÕm
not afraid to try new things. IÕm
just really good at this.Ó Ny
looked up at her as if daring her to argue.
ÒYou
are. You may be the best at
it. But...youÕd be really good at
other things, too, Ny. And if you
never move, no one else can have the job.
No one else can ever experience what you love about it.Ó
ÒYeah,
IÕve been told that too. You really
have been doing personnel stuff, havenÕt you?Ó She laughed, then the laugh turned into
a sigh. ÒThe hell of it is that I know
you and Jan and Pav and anyone else who gets off this
ship or tries new things will pass me by eventually. And that makes me so mad.Ó
Chapel
left the surf and went over to sit down in the sand, facing Ny.
ÒMy
mentors even wanted me to go back to school—a real university, not the
Academy—and get a graduate degree.
I uh...I really am not eager to see how I donÕt stack up against you.Ó
ÒOkay,
IÕm just going to say this: youÕre mean when youÕre hurt, and youÕve been a
real bitch to me lately, but youÕre also an idiot.Ó At NyÕs
expression, she held up a hand.
ÒWait, IÕm going somewhere good with this. Do you remember when Nomad wiped you?Ó
ÒIÕd
hardly forget that.Ó
ÒWiped,
Ny. How fast did you come back?Ó
ÒWell,
you were helping me.Ó
ÒOkay,
so IÕm a swell teacher. It was
still your brain and your determination and your ability to make connections
and remember things and process complex problems. Jim never wavered. He never said: send her to a
facility. He had utter faith in
you. Spock never advised him
otherwise. Len never told me I was
wasting my time. Those three men
are the hardest judge of character and talent I know. To have the trust of
all three? You would do fine
at any university, Ny. Quit being
an idiot.Ó
Ny
stared at her. ÒOkay, that really
was good.Ó She brushed her
eyes. ÒSo what am I supposed to do,
you who are so well versed in how to succeed the other way? I want to stay in my job, but I donÕt
want to rot in it.Ó
ÒYou
want my help?Ó
ÒYeah,
give me some ideas, smart girl.Ó
She snapped her fingers.
ÒShow me what you got.Ó
Chapel
grinned. ÒNo more party
committees. They suck up time and
do nothing for your resume. Did you
see the engineering notes? Mister
Scott is setting up an interdepartmental committee to look at revamping the
food synthesizers. ItÕll be a
prototype for the Fleet. That is something you want to be
on. High visibility, high
impact—and maybe fun.Ó
ÒYou
read the engineering notes?Ó
ÒI
read all the main departmental notes.
You never know what gems you might find.Ó Chapel thought. ÒThereÕs also a new mentoring program
being started. You should volunteer
to be a mentor.Ó
ÒRight--because
I have so much to offer.Ó
ÒTo
an ensign? New to
the ship? Of course you
do. I signed up for it.Ó
ÒYou
did?Ó
ÒHell
yeah. Connections,
Ny. ItÕs all about
relationships. And
getting your name out there.
And for later, when they say, ÔYeah but she just sat on the bridge,Õ the
answer is, ÔNo, actually, she didnÕt.
Look at these projects she was involved in.Õ But make sure they werenÕt the
ValentineÕs Day party—they will only roll their eyes. Or if you must help out with those, make
sure they arenÕt the only thing and
do not sign up to be the chairwoman.Ó
ÒI
ask again: who are you?Ó
Chapel
laughed. ÒYou think I landed Roger
with my looks?Ó
ÒYou
know, I always kind of assumed you had.
Figured he was a leg man.Ó
Chapel
shook her head. ÒHe was a total
pushover for community service. And
okay he was a leg man.Ó She smiled.
ÒIÕm
not sure how much I really know about you and Roger.Ó
ÒProbably
only the bits I wanted you to know.
Ask me anything you want.
IÕll answer it. IÕm done
hiding.Ó
ÒThat
sounds good. But first, can I ask
you something thatÕs not about Roger and you answer that?Ó
Chapel
smiled. ÒIÕm really not in love
with Spock.Ó She touched Ny on the
cheek. ÒAnd heÕs really not in love
with me.Ó
ÒOh,
okay. But I was just going to ask
for the recipe for that incredible Fesenjan dish
tonight.Ó NyÕs
expression changed, turned silly, then she began to laugh.
Chapel
laughed too. She thought the sound
of their amusement probably carried up to Jim and Spock.
Good.
##
Spock
watched as Nyota and Christine walked up the gravel path. There was an ease
between them that had been missing for some time. One he had not seen since he arrived
back on the ship after leaving Gol.
ÒNever
underestimate the value of a heart to heart,Ó Jim murmured. He looked over at Spock and grinned.
Spock
felt something inside him lighten at JimÕs smile. His friend was letting him back in; they
were playing chess; they were speaking softly about their women the way they
used to.
They
would be all right. In time.
Jim
pulled Christine into his lap and kissed her. Spock looked up at Nyota, wishing for
one brief moment that it were in his nature to give her the same thing.
But
she was ignoring the other two. ÒWe
need to talk.Ó
He
remembered what she had said about those four words, felt a pang but took in
her expression, the calm way she was standing, the lightness in her eyes. ÒOf course,Ó he said as he rose.
They
left Jim and Christine on the patio; he did not think they noted their
abandonment.
Once
they were inside the house, she took his hand and pulled him down the hallway,
past his bedroom and into hers. She
shut the door and pointed to the bed.
ÒSit down.Ó
He
decided not to argue, sat down, and waited.
ÒWhatÕs
been going on between you and me may not have really been about you, which does
not in any way mean you have a free pass to sleep with Christine at any point
in the future. You better get this
figured out by your next Pon Farr.Ó She took a deep breath. ÒWe
better get this figured out.Ó
He
let an eyebrow go up. ÒWe?Ó
ÒYes. We.
If...if after everything youÕve seen youÕre still interested in there
being an us.Ó She took a step
closer. ÒIÕm not always nice.Ó
ÒI
was aware of that before. Have you
and Christine resolved your issues?Ó
ÒNo. But weÕre finally talking about them,
not around them.Ó
He
felt the first sense of hopefulness since the Pon
Farr had taken him. ÒThat is
progress, then.Ó
ÒIt
is. And I wonÕt be as
mean—IÕm much better when IÕm dealing directly with things. ItÕs when people hide things from me
that I get nasty.Ó
ÒI
will endeavor not to hide anything from you. Unless required by Jim or Starfleet.Ó
She
smiled. ÒI have this theory about
why I wasnÕt enough for you. It may
be silly, but I need to tell you about it.Ó She took another step closer to
him. ÒEver since Decker chose Christine
for CMO, IÕve been wrong with her.
And thatÕs what weÕre working through. Because itÕs not just her IÕm wrong
with—itÕs me, too. You were
right: IÕm threatened.Ó
He
held his hand out to her, was gratified when she took it, felt a sense of homecoming
at the coolness of her touch, the surge of her emotions into him. ÒI chose you. I never chose her, Nyota.Ó
ÒBut
during the Pon Farr some part of you did. And maybe you always will so long as I
donÕt think IÕm as good as she is?
So I need to work on that.Ó
ÒIf
we were bonded, there would be no question who I would choose.Ó
ÒIÕm
not ready for that yet. And neither
are you. And besides, the Pon Farr wonÕt happen for years, right?Ó
ÒI
am unsure how many, but yes.Ó
ÒLet
me fix me. Let me fix this thing
with Christine if I can. YouÕll
like me better if I try. And IÕll
like me better, too.Ó She took the
last step that closed the gap between them. ÒIÕve missed you so much, Spock.Ó
ÒAs
I have missed you.Ó He pulled her
down into his lap, kissed her the way heÕd wanted to
for weeks.
She
wrapped her arms around his neck, relaxed into him, her mouth opening, nothing
hard or brittle about her anymore.
Just the warm, welcoming woman he had fallen in love with.
When
they drew away, she grinned and said, ÒThere is a big bathtub in the bathroom.Ó
ÒYes. I believe I identified that as a point
in this roomÕs favor.Ó He eased her
off his lap, began to slowly remove her clothes.
She
pulled off his robe and underwear, then took his hand and pulled him into the
bathroom. She started the bath,
laughing when he drew her back to him and eased her up onto the counter. ÒCanÕt wait?Ó
ÒI
find I cannot.Ó
He
made sure she was ready for him, then he was inside
her.
He
kept an eye on the water level in the mirror—it would not do to flood
JimÕs rental house—as he made sure Nyota was very happy before he let
himself go. Then he let her down in
time to turn the water off.
She
laughed as she drained some out before they got in, and the sound of her laughter
was beautiful to him, one of the things that had drawn him to her in the first
place.
As
they settled into the water, and she rested against his chest, he said, ÒI love
you, Nyota.Ó
ÒI
love you, too, Spock.Ó
##
Kirk
sat by the fire and glanced back as Spock and Nyota moved around the patio,
cleaning up another fabulous meal that Chris had made. They were in sync finally. And the looks they shot at each other
were the kind that told him theyÕd be retiring early.
Which
was not something he was sorry about since it was a mild night and a new
moon—their lovely lake would not be lit up. Kirk grinned and looked over at
Chris. ÒHow adventurous do you want
to be tonight?Ó
She
started to laugh. ÒYouÕve been
staring at that lake all day. Are
you asking me if I want to freeze my ass off skinnydipping
with you?Ó
ÒThat
is exactly what I am asking.Ó He
watched her, curious to see her reaction.
She
laughed. ÒItÕs warmer than itÕs
been. What the hell?Ó She cuddled in next to him. ÒWe can watch the sunset first?Ó
ÒAbsolutely. And weÕre going from here, toots. No running inside for robes and
towels. Or parkas. Just strip and go.Ó
She
laughed and it came out a nervous-sounding giggle. ÒYouÕre a kook. Are we supposed to make love in the
cold, cold water?Ó
ÒThe
water will actually feel warmer than you think. And yes, IÕd like to give that a shot,
too. But sex in the water can be
problematic—it sounds romantic but rarely comes off like you want.Ó
She
leaned her head on his shoulder.
ÒIÕve never tried.Ó
ÒAre
you just saying that?Ó He wanted to
believe her, was surprised how much he wanted it to be true.
ÒI
donÕt lie to you, Jim. ItÕs
something I realized when Ny and I were talking. Other than about the rape and that
wasnÕt a lie so much as an omission—if youÕd ever asked me point blank, I
donÕt think IÕd have been able to keep it from you.Ó
ÒGood
to know.Ó He kissed her
forehead. ÒSo no water sex for
Chris?Ó
ÒRoger
wasnÕt a big bath guy. And he
didnÕt like to swim. And the guys
after him werenÕt adventurous, which was sort of the point since I was trying
to ease my way back into the game.Ó
ÒAnd
before Roger?Ó
ÒDonÕt
laugh at me.Ó
ÒNobody
before Roger?Ó Was it bad and wrong
that the idea of that made him...happy?
ÒI
was all about studying. And sort of gawky.
I grew into my body late in life.
And I was a science geek. It
didnÕt really add up to femme fatale.
Why do you think IÕm such a good cook? I had plenty of time to practice.Ó
ÒMy
gain.Ó He moved so he could see her
face, traced her cheek. Her hair
was lit by the firelight, and it gleamed softly. ÒSo tabula rasa in some ways. I can corrupt at will.Ó
ÒYou
can.Ó Her smile was tender, so full
of affection it made him feel safe and warm and cared for in a way he hadnÕt
since he and Carol had first started out—before they had gone so terribly
wrong.
ÒI
donÕt mind that idea at all.Ó
ÒGood.Ó She sighed. ÒI need to tell you something. ItÕs going to sound weird.Ó
ÒOh,
joy.Ó He laughed softly.
ÒHopefully
weird in a good way. ItÕs
just...none of us know what tomorrow brings. Or whether relationships will last or
not. If youÕd asked me a few years
ago if Ny and I would be on the verge of hating each other, IÕd have laughed at
you. If youÕd
have told me that IÕd be in love with my captain, IÕd also have
laughed. Time...time changes
everything.Ó
He
nodded. ÒIt does.Ó
ÒWe
may grow old together and forty years from now weÕll be sitting on a log like
this in front of our bonfire in the mountains. Or we may not. One of us could die. Both of us could. Or we could...end.Ó
He
nodded, waiting to see where she would go with this.
ÒHowever
it ends. Whenever it ends. You
will always be the love of my life, Jim. You will be the first man I was ever
truly myself with, who made me feel beautiful just the way I am.Ó She ran her finger down his cheek. ÒI pity anyone who has to come after
you. TheyÕll never measure
up.Ó She looked away, as if
suddenly embarrassed. ÒToo weird?Ó
ÒNo. Not too weird. And for the record, I vote for the
happily ever after plan.Ó
Her
smile was luminous.
ÒI
love you, Chris. I canÕt imagine
life without you.Ó He pulled her
closer and kissed her tenderly, slowly, his tongue starting a rhythm that he
intended to follow with other parts of his body as soon as the damn sun
finished setting.
She
moaned, and he decided to hell with the sunset; it was nearly dark. He began to pull off her clothes, then stripped off his own, and they ran like two teenagers
onto the beach and into the water.
ÒOh
my God, itÕs cold,Ó she said.
ÒSwim,Ó
he said. ÒRace me.Ó
They
took off for deeper water and the water did start to feel warmer. As she slowed, he caught her up in his
arms, and she wrapped her legs around him as he swam her back to where he could
stand. They kissed while they
waited for the sky to darken completely and as she moved and stroked and
whispered very naughty things in his ear, he felt his lower half coming to
life.
He
adjusted her a bit, into position, and she moaned as she slid onto him.
ÒI
donÕt think this water sex is overrated, Jim. The buoyancy factor gives it a unique
quality.Ó She kissed him, biting
his ear softly.
ÒEver
the scientist. ItÕs even more
pronounced in salt water.Ó He
laughed and moved her slowly, trying to hold back, but the idea that they were
so exposed was exciting—and he thought it excited her, too. The idea that it was her first time
doing this wasnÕt a turn off, either.
ÒHave you ever done it in a science lab?Ó
ÒAh,
the ÔCorrupt ChrisÕ campaign is in full swing?Ó She laughed softly. ÒSadly, yes.Ó
ÒOn
board my ship?Ó
ÒI
canÕt say I have.Ó
ÒGood.Ó They were definitely going to have to
give that never-used science lab on deck seventeen a whirl.
##
Uhura
followed the other three through the casino to the elevator that took them to
the top floor of the hotel. The
restaurant had an amazing vista of the lake, and Jim had reserved a table at
the window.
ÒBon
appetit,Ó the ma”tre dÕ said, and left them to peruse
the menus.
They
had escargot listed as a house specialty.
And from what the reviews on this place had said—Uhura had looked
it up before they had left the house: she liked to know what she was walking
into before she got there—they made them really well.
She
knew sheÕd be outvoted again, though.
But
they couldnÕt stop her from ordering a nice, juicy Steak au Poivre. She was sick of vegetarian fare, and
Spock was taking her by the Vulcan embassy tomorrow on their way back to the
ship, so she needed to get her meat fix now. The review had noted how good the pepper
steak was—almost as good as the escargot.
The
sommelier came by and Jim looked at her.
ÒRed or white tonight?Ó
ÒRed.Ó
He
looked at Christine and she nodded without looking up from her menu. Spock was a non-player as usual.
ÒWhat
do you have that will bowl us over in a red?Ó Jim smiled at the sommelier, that
mega-watt Kirk grin that no one could stand against long.
The
man looked like heÕd fallen in love.
ÒWe have a new Cabernet Franc, underappreciated by the hoi polloi but
truly outstanding.Ó
ÒNever
let it be said weÕre not smarter than the masses,Ó Jim said with a wink to the
man. ÒWeÕll be brave.Ó
ÒExcellent.Ó The man hurried off.
ÒAll
right. Appetizers—what are we
getting?Ó
Before
anyone could say anything, Uhura said, ÒThey have escargot.Ó
ÒDo
we have to take a vote again, Nyota?Ó
Jim gave her a Òbeen there, done thatÓ smile.
She
noticed Christine did not look up from her menu. Neither did Spock.
ÒFuck
the vote,Ó she said very softly, but as clearly as she could.
JimÕs
eyes went wide, and the other two looked up.
ÒYou
two are a voting bloc and we all know it,Ó she said, looking at Jim and
Christine. She turned to
Spock. ÒAnd unless itÕs rice and
beans, I can forget about any help from you. IÕll never get what I want, and what I
want is escargot. And damn it all,
IÕm sick of not getting what I want.
So IÕm going to order them tonight.Ó
Spock
and Jim stared at her as if unsure how to respond. Christine grinned and went back to
studying the menu.
ÒWill
that not be a lot of...snails for you to eat?Ó Spock looked as if he knew this was not
the time to ask the question but could not help himself.
ÒI
may eat one. I may eat a few. I may eat all the goddamned order. It does not matter. I want my snails.Ó She sat back. ÒAre we clear, boys?Ó
They
nodded.
ÒGood. And, just so you understand, this is not
how I plan to act the rest of the meal.
I am...sick of holding stuff in.
Letting it fester inside me instead of speaking my mind. So IÕm going to say what I want from
time to time in a more direct manner and not be so
snide and sideways about it later when IÕm too mad to be rational. DoesnÕt that sound like a plan?Ó
She saw Christine grin again as she nodded. The boys looked unsure how to
answer—as if they werenÕt sure agreeing with the plan might not be also
agreeing that she was often unpleasant.
ÒAt
ease, you two. Christine and I
understand each other, so you both can relax.Ó
ÒYes,
yes we do.Ó Christine looked up,
smiled at Jim. ÒI want gougeres.Ó
He
started to laugh. ÒCheese bread.Ó
ÒCheesy
puff pastry. Much fancier. Besides, Ny loves them, right?Ó She winked at Uhura. ÒAnd so do the rest of us.Ó
ÒFine,
weÕll get the puffy cheese.Ó Jim
looked over at Spock. ÒYou have any
special requests, my friend?Ó
ÒI
am content, Jim.Ó
Uhura
put her hand on his knee, was only going to let it sit for a moment to let him
know she planned to play nice the rest of the evening, but he put his hand over
it and squeezed gently. She smiled
as she put down her menu.
She
saw Jim lean over and murmur something in ChristineÕs ear. Christine laughed and said something
back that made him grin. Then
Christine looked up, saw that Uhura was watching them, and for a moment their
eyes met.
Uhura
remembered telling Christine she didnÕt think she had a future with Jim. It had been a low blow, especially
because it wasnÕt true.
She let her eyes go soft and smiled gently. ChristineÕs expression changed from wary
to something gentler, and she smiled too.
The
sommelier coming back with their wine finished the moment, but it was there, it
was a good moment. TheyÕd had a few
of them since their talk on the beach.
The
wine was delicious. Unexpected for
something so often overlooked—a wine that was usually mixed in with other
varieties, never stood on its own.
Uhura could relate.
The
appetizers were even better. Especially the escargot.
She
ate every damn one of them.
FIN