DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and is copyright (c) 2003 by Djinn. This story is Rated PG-13.
Measureless to Man (Carter #10)
by Djinn
In
Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately pleasure-dome decree
Where Alph, the sacred river, ran
Through caverns measureless to man
Down to a sunless sea.
-- Kubla Khan, Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Kerr trudged along carefully; the
small accumulation of snow had turned icy and threatened to send him headlong
back down the hill. He looked up to see
how Christine was doing and was surprised to see that she was far ahead of
him. He had trained in alpine
conditions; the mountain boots he wore were designed to navigate ice and snow
much more treacherous than this, and he had thought he was doing well, until he
watched her move.
As if sensing his eyes on
her, she turned around and said with a grin, "Come on,
slowpoke."
"Yeah, well, can I help
it that I didn't grow up in the Cascades?"
"You grew up in
"You're like a damn
mountain goat."
She just laughed. "If you say so."
He frowned as he looked
up. "How far is this cavern?"
"Stephen said it was at
the top of this rise."
"Hold up," he said,
and was gratified to see her stop and wait for him.
"You want to rest?"
"No. I want to see the trail." He caught up with her and looked up at the
hillside. He bent down and touched the
snow, tasted the consistency of the ice crystals. "This isn't new snow."
"So?"
"So there should be
footprints if this is a trail. How do
you know where you're going?"
"Stephen told me."
"There'd be tracks. Even just a few...there hasn't been that much
wind since yesterday."
She looked at him as if she
couldn't figure out what he was getting at.
In exasperation, he turned
her head to the trail. "Stephen
didn't come this way."
"Oh, I knew
that." She smiled and started to
push on.
His hand brought her up
short. "What's going on?"
"What fun would it be to
go the same way he did?" She
shrugged and started moving.
He followed behind her, again
losing ground as he slid on the icy snow.
She didn't slip once. Then he
realized that she wasn't even paying attention to where she put her feet. "You're one with it," he said,
remembering what she had told him of Taillte.
She looked back at him and
nodded. "Now you're getting it, Kerr." She held out her hand to him. "Trust me?"
"Not in the least,
Chapel."
She laughed, but there was a
bitter edge to it. "I walked into
that one." She looked down.
"Well, since I don't see
Spock around anywhere, then yes, I trust you."
Her head shot back up. "I deserve that, I guess. Although it sounds a bit funny coming from
you, seeing as how you haven't been completely on the up-and-up yourself."
"I never lied; I just
didn't tell you the truth."
"And that makes what you
did better? Because I did lie?"
He took a deep breath. "I'm glad that we can joke about
this."
She glared at him. "Yeah, me too."
They stood a long time just
staring at each other, then he moved closer to her. "Chris." She smiled slightly at the name he'd started
calling her. It was a name that Spock
never used with her. He liked that.
"Chris," he said
again, pulling her closer to him, feeling her arms go around him. He leaned in and kissed her hard, then more
gently. "I want to trust you."
"I know. I want to trust you too." They stood that way for a moment longer, then
she turned him so he was facing the mountain.
"Close your eyes."
He didn't.
"Please, Randall, close
your eyes."
He closed them.
"Now just listen for a
moment." He could tell she turned
away from him, then she whispered.
"Please show him?"
"Who are you talking
to?"
"Shhh." She took his hand in hers. "Just listen."
He tried to oblige her.
"What do you hear?"
"I hear the wind, a bird
overhead. The sound of the snow melting
off the trees in the sunlight."
"Listen harder,"
she whispered.
He did, concentrating on the
least little sound. Suddenly, he heard
the slightest hint of a whisper calling his name.
"Who's there?"
"Just open yourself up
to her."
He cocked one eye, peered at
Christine. "Invite her in?"
She nodded.
"And if I do, then I'll
be a mountain goat too?"
She nodded. "When you're one with her, it's much
easier to walk the path."
"Walk the
path?" He heard the whisper again
and ignored it. "And once I'm one
with her, will I get to walk around with that dopey look you and Stephen have
been wearing lately?"
Her face fell. "You don't want this?"
"Christine, wake the
hell up. It's like you're on drugs or
something. Both of you. All this oneness with Taillte stuff is
starting to concern me."
She looked down. Then she looked back at him, an odd look on
her face. "All the psychics the
Federation sent are trying to achieve it. And Spock is trying."
"And you think you can
manipulate me into doing it, just so I don't lose ground to him? Think
again." He pushed past her, started
to walk up the hill.
"You don't know where
you're going."
He turned around. "Sure I do. Nirvana!
Xanadu! Shangri-la!" He held up his hands, jiggled them at the
sky. "I'll find it if I just keep
going up."
He could hear her behind
him. "What'll you do when you reach
the top?" she said in his ear.
"This," he said as
he pulled her to him and kissed her again.
When they finally pulled away
from each other, she whispered, "What if you fall?"
"You'll catch me."
She grinned. "What if I
fall?"
"Taillte won't let
you."
She smiled. "You think you have it all figured
out." She pulled him behind her as
she started to head sideways across the hill.
"It's not up?"
"Not exactly."
"Some pilgrim I'd
make." Despite the heavy gloves
they both wore, he could feel her hand tighten on his.
"You don't have to be a
pilgrim. One of us is probably
enough." She stopped for a moment,
seemed to be listening. Then she took a
few steps to the right and began moving uphill again.
"Aha. So it is up." Then he saw it a few meters ahead, the mouth
to a cave, so small Christine had to crawl into it.
"It's just the first
part that's narrow," she said as she stood up on the other side, lit one
of the lights she'd brought with her.
Kerr crawled through the
entrance, trying to ignore how the top of the cave opening scraped his
back. He wasn't claustrophobic, but that
didn't mean he liked such tight quarters.
"Wait a minute," he said.
"You don't like caves."
She looked at him,
nodded. "No, I don't. But Taillte wouldn't hurt me."
"Well maybe she
wouldn't, but a cave-in might."
"But she is the
cave-in...and the earthquake. She's
everything on this planet because she is the planet."
"Is she the birds?"
"She's one with the
birds." Christine looked at him, a
serious look on her face. "You
don't understand yet, do you?"
"I'm trying, hon. Really I am." He turned on his light and followed her into
the tunnel. "But I'm afraid you're
going to have to be the zen master of the family."
"You know martial arts,
right?"
"Uh huh," he said
absently, his gaze drawn toward the sparkling blue mineral streaks that lined
the tunnel wall.
"Don't you have to
achieve mastery...become one with something?"
"It's recommended. Or you can just pummel the shit out of
it." He grinned when he heard her
low laugh. Raising his light higher, he
saw a colorless streak right above the blue one. It sparkled in the lamplight. "Is this what I think it is?"
"It's not diamond. Just like this isn't sapphire." She stopped and ran her hand over the
blue. "The geologists say the
properties are different. But they're
just as pretty." She smiled for a moment,
lost in thought. Then her smile
faded. "Valuable too, I bet. There will be a lot of people who don't want
to leave this planet alone, Randall."
He nodded.
"I'm not sure we'll be
able to protect her."
He pulled off his gloves and
pushed them into the pockets of his jacket.
The air in the tunnel was much warmer than outside. She did the same, then reached over and took
the hand he held out to her.
"Maybe Taillte needs to
come up with some ways to protect herself?"
Christine nodded slowly. "Maybe she will." She walked deeper into the cave, then stopped
and closed her eyes.
He saw her frown as she turned
her head, as if listening for something.
"What are you doing?"
"She's stronger
here. Can you feel her?" She opened her eyes, stared at him with a
slightly unfocused look.
He shook his head. "Sorry."
She took a few more steps
away from the entrance. "It gets
stronger the farther in you go. Stephen
thinks it's some sort of nexus, a place where her energy is concentrated. He told me I'd feel closer to her here."
Kerr didn't answer her,
wondered what he was supposed to say. In
his opinion, she was already close enough to the planet.
She glanced back at him,
caught his expression and sighed softly before turning and leading him deeper
into the cave.
-----------------------------------
Nako moved silently through
the forest. She stopped and knelt down,
running her hand through the rich dirt and letting it fall through her
fingers. Standing up, she walked over to
one of the trees. Gently scraping at the bark, she leaned down and sniffed. Cinnamon, she thought to herself. Or allspice.
She could feel the planet's
heartbeat under her feet; feel its blood move beneath her in the rivers of hot
earth deep below the surface.
"Taillte," she called out.
There was no answer except an
explosion of birds that suddenly darted from the trees overhead. Nako frowned.
She backed up and leaned against the tree. The wind whipped up suddenly, causing the
branches of the tree to lash against her face.
She pulled her shawl around her, tried to walk by memory away from the
trees and out to the clearing. The wind
blew even stronger, nearly forcing her off her feet. A loose limb flew by, hitting her on the
shoulder and causing her to cry out in pain as she stumbled out to the grass.
The wind died as suddenly as
it started. Nako again heard birds
singing. She slowly pulled her shawl
away from her face.
Taillte was standing right in
front of her. Not solid, but not
precisely an apparition either. More
like water, if it could be captured into feminine form. An ice sculpture, that was in no way frozen.
"Quite the
demonstration," Nako said, bowing carefully, never taking her eyes off the
woman in front of her.
"I thought you might
appreciate it." The other woman
bowed also but her voice and her transparent eyes held no welcome. "Your kind always needs a demonstration
of power."
"You know my kind?"
Taillte smiled slightly. "Just as you know mine."
"You fear me," Nako
said, as she moved toward the woman.
"I fear nothing."
"You fear pain,"
Nako countered.
Taillte's expression changed
to one of suffering. "I do not fear
it. But it was unpleasant."
"You were not meant to
suffer that way, young one."
Taillte laughed, and as she
did the leaves of the trees seemed to shiver around them. "I am not young."
"You are younger than I."
"But then what
isn't?" Taillte brought her hands up, made them snap together like
pincers. "Grandmother
Spider." She pantomimed weaving,
then made a sudden stabbing motion.
Nako ignored her, but her
heart began to beat faster.
"You hide the truth from
them." Taillte's voice was rich with an emotion Nako couldn't quite
name. Anger? Fear?
Distaste?
"The truth is
hard."
"No," Taillte said
with a strange smile. "You are
hard, Ts'its'tsi'nako. All the old ones
are."
"We do what we do to preserve
that which is good, that which is deserving."
"You have done it for so
long that you have lost your perspective.
Who are you to judge what is good and what is not? Who are you to meddle so in the lives of
others?"
"You don't know what you
are talking about, child. You are new to
this world. New to me. You know nothing."
"If I know nothing, then
why did you come here? Was it not to
find out what I knew?"
Nako smiled, caught in the
web of logic. "Very good, my
dear."
"I am not stupid."
"I did not think you
were." Nako smiled again. "You remind me of Coyote."
"I do not know what that
is, but I think there are none here."
Taillte sank to the grass. She
brushed the grass with one hand, held her other up to feel the rays of the
sun. "I am like nothing else. I am this planet."
"Like Gaia. Yes, dear, I understand what you are. I can remember."
"They do not
remember. Some of them love me
anyway." Taillte seemed to be far
away for a moment.
"You're talking to them
aren't you? Or to some of
them." Nako shook her head.
"I talk with whom I
will." Taillte turned her full
attention back to Nako. "The others
will wait for me."
"Yes, they will. You are quite the new wonder. Certainly you have Starfleet all
agog." Nako indicated the
grass. "May I sit?"
"You may." Taillte stretched out. "The clouds make designs to please
me."
Nako looked up. One of the clouds looked like a woman. The one next to it looked like a huge
spider. The spider was about to stab the
woman. Nako said sharply, "Stop
it."
The clouds were again just
clouds.
"You killed." Taillte's voice held more curiosity than
condemnation.
"You would have too, in
my position."
"We do not know
that." Taillte smiled softly. "My meddling is more subtle."
"At least you admit you
do it." Nako turned to
Taillte. "You may be forced to
kill."
"I hope not." Her expression became firmer. "I will not. Not to meddle."
"If you think I did that
only to meddle, then you understand nothing.
You will do it to protect."
Nako looked down. "If you do
not, then they will come. Ones like
those who hurt you before. They will
come and they will overrun you and they will destroy everything that is good
and pure and beautiful here." She
looked up at the sky. "They may
already be here. If they will not leave,
Taillte, will you kill?"
Taillte stared at Nako. "I am all that is here."
Nako sighed. It had been a long time since she had talked
to one so innocent and so powerful.
"You are all that has been here.
You and the birds and the animals.
You have been alone, inviolate.
But you are not alone. You have
welcomed some, you seem to be willing to welcome others. Do you not understand that each person that
steps on your surface brings with them the potential of pain? Either in small measure or in large. And you will have to grow used to that
pain."
Taillte looked bored. "I already grow used to it. The things that seemed painful at first, I
hardly notice now." She suddenly ripped
a bunch of grass from the ground.
"My skin was thin, now it is thicker, it will continue to grow
thicker. I will show them where the soil
is best so they can plant life within me, and I will embrace the pain that
comes with that life. The plants that
shoot up from my blood will sustain those who I will invite to live here. And I will choose wisely, my people will be
gentle, as these first ones from your ship have been gentle. Their steps on my skin tickle rather than
hurt me. When they lay on my grass I can
feel their hearts beating. Their warmth
spreads down and into me and I am happy that they are with me. They have built their first homes, and the
structures sit lightly on my back."
"But others will not be
so kind. Or so gentle. They will not sit lightly. They will see the wealth that is here...the
kind of wealth that is in such demand and they will seek it. They will hurt you as they seek it. They will dig and burn and explode and cut. You must protect yourself."
Taillte looked around and her
expression darkened. "How many can
there be who are like that?"
Nako held out her hand. "I will show you."
Taillte stared at her
outstretched hand for a long time, then slowly reached out to touch her. The sensation was like putting one's hand in
a stream of cold mountain water. Bracing
and clean.
"Now watch and
learn," Nako said, as she let her see everything she had seen, the damages
she had witnessed, the atrocities she had tried to stop, had helped others to
clean up. "Life here is hard,
Taillte. You have no idea."
Taillte jerked her hand away,
her expression stricken. "I am not
like that; this place will never be like that." As she began to cry silent tears, dark clouds
rolled in and rain poured down from the sky.
"You are all that is,
Taillte. I am but an old woman. But I have seen much." Nako pushed herself to her feet. "The day will come when you must do
something. Already it begins."
"I am not like you. Your ways are over."
Nako gave her a sad
smile. "My ways are just beginning,
child." She turned her back on the
woman. "You're only borrowing my
granddaughter, you know," she called back.
"She is happy here. She is welcome to remain."
"She has another
destiny," Nako said softly as she walked back to the Federation shelters.
------------------------------
Penhallon watched Ritsuko as
she wandered through the iris field. She
was nearly hidden in the tall flowers, lost in the mix of blues and yellows and
creams. They weren't really irises, of
course. But they looked enough like them
to qualify, and Taillte didn't have a better name for them, so he was happy to
call them that. "So?" he asked
Ritsuko.
"It's just like the iris
fields back home in
"Less
domesticated?" He laughed when she
nodded. "I thought you might like
it."
She smiled as she bent down
to look at one of the more vivid flowers.
"Shobu were my grandmother's favorite flower. She used to go out to the fields and pick
them for ikebana. No one made
arrangements like she did. They were
much in demand." She touched one of
the flowers gently. "If I picked
it, would it hurt Taillte?"
"I doubt that she'd even
notice it. She's not like she was when
we first found her. She's getting
tougher."
"But you aren't
sure?"
When he shook his head, she
let the flower go. "Then I won't do
it. I don't want to hurt anyone, even a
little."
He leaned back against the
hillside, watched her. Could see the
pain still raw in her face. Pain that
she was holding back with iron control.
"It's okay to be sad, you know.
It's human to be sad."
"I know." She walked over to him, sat down next to
him. "I miss Ren so much,
Stephen."
He reached out, touched her
hair. Felt her push back against his
hand. He thought she might cry, but she
didn't.
She said quietly, "Some
days, I'm okay. I wake up, and go to
work, and I don't think about her for hours.
But other days, I can barely get out of bed because I spent the whole
night crying for her instead of sleeping."
He was glad to hear she
allowed herself to grieve in private. He
worried that she held in her emotions too much.
"Just give it time, Umachi.
It's all you can do."
She turned to Penhallon. "I know.
And I try to tell myself I didn't know Ren that long."
"It's not how long we've
known someone that matters. It's how
intensely we feel for them during that time.
You two shared something strong."
"We did."
He thought she would say
more, but she fell silent, so he looked away.
It was hard consoling her when he knew that her lover had been
responsible for letting a virus loose on the ship, when he knew that she had
worked for the Section, and that her death was probably not random. But Ritsuko didn't need to know all
that. Not now. Not when there was no way for Farrell to
defend herself, or her actions.
Penhallon suddenly wondered how Farrell would defend them. If she even would try. He realized Ritsuko was staring at him.
"You seem very far
away," she said.
"Ages and
ages." He smiled tiredly.
She nodded. "I was scared when you and the Commander
disappeared. But now that I see where
you were lost, I'm a little envious."
He smiled again. "It wasn't quite this nice when it was
in the other universe. Not being able to
get home put a bit of a damper on all the beauty." He looked away, not willing to let her catch
him in the lie. Even in the other
universe, Taillte had been glorious. He
hadn't wanted to come back. Wouldn't
have come back...but for Christine. But
then the planet had been yanked into their universe by Carol Marcus's obsession
with Genesis, and he'd gotten this place back.
At least for as long as the Carter was assigned to the diplomatic
negotiations.
"I guess it
would." Ritsuko leaned back against
the hillside. They were silent for a
while, soaking up the sun. Then she
asked, "Is she nice?"
He looked over at her. "The commander?"
Ritsuko nodded.
"Yes. She's nice." He thought about the night Christine had come
to his quarters, after he'd given her Farrell's letter, the one that exposed
and damned Kerr. It might very well have
been the noblest night of his life. Or
possibly just an act of self-preservation.
He grinned. Some other night,
Christine, he thought. When your heart
isn't shredded and when you're running to me, not away from someone else...or a
couple someone elses. He doubted that
night would ever come. Truth to tell, he
wasn't entirely sure he wanted it to. It
was almost more fun the way things were.
Playful, innocent. One long
session of fore--
*--Find another way,*
Taillte's voice echoed in the back of his mind.
*Yes, Mother,* he thought
ruefully. Then he added, *You're no fun.*
*I am Taillte,* she said
simply. He felt the brush of her presence
against his side, then warmth spread through him. He sighed, enchanted as always by the amazing
sensation of belonging.
He heard Ritsuko gasp. Then she sat up. "Something touched me."
"It was Taillte."
"She's here?"
He nodded.
"What does she
want?"
He smiled. "Nothing. To be with us. She's everywhere, Umachi. The ground, the flowers, the trees. They are all Taillte."
"Like
Haniyasu-Hime. I remember my grandmother
leaving offerings for her at the Shinto shrine by her house. I loved the way the incense she burned for
her smelled. And the priests often
chanted to her, and to Amaterasu. I
would sit and listen while I waited for my grandmother to finish her
devotions."
"Do you miss home?"
"How can I? It seems like I get a comm from there almost
every night." She looked away. "I know they're just worried about me,
but I almost wish that I grew up like you did, Stephen. With no home, no strong ties to
anywhere."
"No, you
don't." He smiled at her
sadly. "Trust me, you don't."
"You're right. I don't.
My family can be overbearing, but I can't imagine not knowing where I
belong...who I am. No matter what,
He laughed. "Whereas I have no moral foundation at
all."
She shook her head. "You love to say that. You like to act as if you are the worst
person in this quadrant, a true rogue with no moral center. But it's a lie, Stephen. I'm on to
you." She leaned in. "You've been looking out for me...don't
think I haven't noticed."
"Well," he said
with a wink, "who wouldn't look out for a chef of your talent?"
"That's not it. But if you want to pretend it is, so you can
continue to play the bad boy, I won't ruin your act."
"I appreciate that."
"No one believes that
act anymore, you know."
"Why's that?"
"You spend all your time
down here," she said, as she ran her hand over the grass. "You're like this nature monk
suddenly."
He laughed out loud. "Nature monk?"
She turned to him. "It's true, look at you. You're completely comfortable here. When was the last time you slept in your
quarters?"
He shrugged, but he knew that
he hadn't been in his own bed since Christine and he had been lost on Taillte
in the other universe. He had been spending
all his time on Taillte...mostly alone.
He looked over at Ritsuko. She
was studying him curiously.
"What?"
"You seem
different. In a good way," she
said.
"Different how?"
"I don't know, just
different." At his skeptical look, she
tried again. "More serious. More steady, I guess."
"I used to swear I'd
never be serious."
"Never say
never." She smiled sympathetically.
"Never say never,"
he agreed.
They both leaned back. Penhallon heard her say sleepily, "I
should get back to the ship."
He nodded lethargically. "You should." He noticed she made no move to go.
"Maybe just a few more
minutes." A few moments later, he
heard her breathing change as she dropped into sleep.
"Rest easy, Umachi. Dream of
--------------2---------------------
The area that had been set up
for the Federation negotiators was bustling in the afternoon sunshine. Troi walked slowly past the shelters, trying
to catch a glimpse of a familiar face.
He heard someone call out and turned to look.
An attractive young woman
rushed up but when she looked up and saw his face she slowed. "Oh," she said, her extremely fair
skin flushing brightly. "I thought
you were someone else."
"Then he's a lucky
man." Troi couldn't believe he'd
just said that, it sounded like something Stephen would say. He held out his hand. "I'm Lieutenant Commander Andrew
Troi."
"Words, how
quaint." She smiled slightly, took
his hand in hers.
He waited, noticed she was
staring at him rather intently.
"And you are?"
She frowned slightly. "You're not telepathic."
"I'm not," he
agreed. "Should I be?"
She seemed to think about
that. "Why are you hanging about
then?" She gestured at a group
assembling on the far edges of the camp.
"I thought you were here for the 'Getting to Know Taillte' tour, as
we lovingly call the walkabout we give to newcomers."
He smiled. "I'm not exactly a newcomer. I was here from the start, or nearly
so." He pointed up. "Spent most of that time on the Carter,
admittedly, but I've still logged in a few hours exploring Taillte's
treasures."
"You're on the ship? Oh, I see."
He had the impression he'd
fallen quite a few notches in her estimation.
"Sorry that doesn't measure up."
She bristled. "I didn't say that."
He smiled shortly. "You didn't have to. You're making it quite clear how you feel
about those of us not blessed with your gifts."
She blushed again, this time
in anger. He decided that she wasn't as
attractive as he first thought. Honey
gold hair, sky blue eyes, and peaches and cream skin were overrated, he
decided. She seemed about to say
something, when Troi heard a familiar voice.
"Andrew! What are you doing here?" Rixx came up with a huge smile for his
friend. "Oh, I see. You're getting to know Elaine. How unfortunate for you." He shot her a false smile.
"I should have known he'd
be a friend of yours," the woman in question said sourly.
"What? You two aren't hitting it off? I'm speechless with shock." Rixx took Troi's arm and turned him toward
one of the shelters. "I'm sure
you'll be devastated, Elaine, but I'm going to have to steal him."
Troi looked back at
Elaine. She was staring at him as if she
couldn't figure out which of them was worse.
He allowed Rixx to pull him away.
"Nice girl," Troi mumbled.
"But I'm afraid she's depriving someone of a chilling unit. I hate to think of their beer going
warm."
Rixx laughed out loud. "Oh, I like that one. I'm going to have to remember it."
"It was a good one,
wasn't it?" Troi smiled. "Pity.
At first glance, I thought she was quite attractive."
"Yeah, if you like your
women with light-hair. I prefer
brunettes like my Larissa." He
smiled. "But I bet you like them
pale, don't you, my friend."
"Women are all
attractive, dark, light, in between."
Troi looked around the shelter, took in the dearth of personal
items. "Not much here, Rixx."
"I travel
light." He grabbed a pack. "You ready to explore?"
Troi nodded and followed his
friend out. As they walked through the
camp, he found himself looking to see if the woman was still around. Dismayed, he forced his eyes to the front and
caught up with Rixx.
"So how are the
negotiations going?" he asked as they began to cross open field.
"Haven't started. People are still trying to get a handle on
all that Taillte is...and all that she isn't.
It's confusing."
"But you volunteered to
speak for her?"
"Yeah, along with about
fifty other telepaths."
"I'm sure she prefers
you." Troi watched as Rixx crossed
a stream on a path of boulders. Then he
followed carefully.
"Well, that's just
it. None of us know what she
prefers. She's not talking." Rixx stopped and knelt, laid his hand on the
grass. "I can feel her. I can hear her sometimes, as if from a great
distance. But she doesn't speak to me,
and if she's listening to me when I try talking to her, I can't tell. No one's having any luck."
Troi frowned. "Stephen talks to her. And I'm sure Commander Chapel does too."
Rixx nodded. "You're right. I've seen them when she's talking to
them. They get a certain look on their
face. But they appear to be the only
ones she's talking with right now. And
it's irritating to quite a few of the high and mighty, I can tell you."
"Meaning Elaine?"
"Among others. She's used to being needed, relied on. We all are."
"Maybe Taillte doesn't
trust your motives."
"What
motives?" Troi stood up. "This is what I do. I don't have an agenda except for wanting to
speak for her. I don't understand why
she doesn't trust me. I'm only trying to
help."
"Maybe she'll talk to
you on this walk?"
"That's about as likely
as Elaine Wynter coming up and apologizing to you," Rixx said with a grin.
"That's her last
name?" Troi asked, even as he told himself that he didn't care one way or
the other.
"She's not a very nice
person, Andrew."
"Believe me, I got that
impression," Troi admitted. He
laughed. "I have terrible luck with
women, Gallen. This is just one more to
add to the mix of misfortune that love seems to be for me."
"God, you make it sound
so tragic," Rixx said with a grin.
"It is tragic. I'd really like to meet someone, you
know. Someone special, someone that
likes me." He grinned
sheepishly. "Not much to ask. But maybe you've forgotten what it's like to
be looking for love? After all you have
a beautiful, patient fiancée waiting at home for you."
Rixx shot Troi an amused
look. "We were bonded as
children. I've always had her waiting
for me."
"Even if it's true, it's
pretty unromantic of you to say so. I
hope someday you realize how good you've got it," Troi said. "It's a nice idea though...someone waiting. Almost makes me long for the days of arranged
marriages."
"No you don't. They don't always work out. But I do love Larissa and I do realize how
good I've got it," Rixx admitted.
"I'll let you in on a secret.
This is my last adventure. I'm going
home once I'm done here. I'm going home
and marrying the woman I love."
Rixx smiled happily. "This
is the first time I've said it out loud.
It sounds good, don't you think?"
"It sounds
wonderful."
"You have to come,
Andrew. I'll send you an invitation."
Troi smiled wryly. "I'd say I don't know what to wear, but
I guess that's pretty much a moot point at a Betazoid wedding, from what I've
heard?"
Rixx laughed. "It is.
But trust me, if everyone is naked, you don't notice that you are."
"Uh huh," Troi
said, not convinced. He moved ahead of
Rixx. "Come on, there's an amazing
valley I want to show you."
They moved off through a long
narrow valley. Troi saw a familiar
figure coming toward them. He waved at
her. "That's Nako."
"Did I meet her the last
time?"
Troi shook his head. "She was unwell, didn't leave her
cabin. But she's fine now." As they approached her, he called out. "Hello."
She smiled gently. "Hello, grandson." Then she turned and shot Rixx a look. "That's rather bad manners, isn't
it?"
Rixx looked taken aback. "I beg your pardon. I meant no offense."
"Your intent may have
been benign, but my mind is my business."
Her serene tone was at odds with the sharpness of the words.
"I'm sure he didn't mean
any harm," Troi said, trying to help his friend out.
Nako smiled. The expression almost reached her eyes. "I'm sure you're right. Gentlemen, enjoy your walk." With a small inclination of her head, she
walked past them.
"That was odd. She's usually so pleasant. She didn't even get your name."
Rixx was staring after her
with a confused look on his face.
"I didn't mean to try to read her, Andrew. I guess I've fallen so into the habit of
getting a 'feel' for people that way that I must have done it unconsciously. If it irritated her, it's going to really
aggravate my own people when I get back.
I'll have to work on that."
"Still...it wasn't like
her to react that way." Troi looked
back at her, then turned around.
"Oh well, no matter. We've
got a view to admire." It took him
a very long time to wonder how Nako had known that Rixx was trying to get
inside her head.
----------------------------
Spock watched the new members
of the Federation contingent set out for their orientation to Taillte. How did one get to know an entire planet in
forty minutes? he wondered. Walking over
to the creek that ran along one side of the camp, he crouched down and let his
fingers dangle in the water.
*Play,* he heard Taillte
whisper to him. *You never play.*
*I am a Vulcan.* He tried unsuccessfully to avoid thinking of
a time when he was very young and his father had found him wading in the
ceremonial fountain of the Rivellian Embassy.
He had been kicking joyfully, his bare toes sending water onto the hot
Vulcan sand where it evaporated quickly.
He had known better than to give in to his urge to screech in delight,
Sarek would have found him even sooner.
But it had been a given that he would find him. His father seemed to have a special sense
that told him when Spock was doing something wrong...something human.
He pulled his hand from the
water. *I am a Vulcan,* he said again.
*As you wish.* Taillte brushed against him once, the touch
both tender and teasing. Then she was
gone.
He almost sighed. She was so...whimsical. When he had first touched minds with her,
when she was in the other universe, she had been focused on getting his people
back to him, on stopping the experiments that were hurting her. But now...now that they shared the same
universe, she seemed entirely capricious.
*Taillte, you must focus,* he sent, hoping she was still listening. *The Federation telepaths won't wait forever
for you to talk to them.*
There was no answer. He hadn't expected there to be.
He turned and looked out at
the meadow, saw Nako walking toward him.
He straightened, waiting for her to get within range before asking,
"Did she speak to you?"
Nako gave him a strange
smile. "Oh, yes, she spoke to
me." Nako rubbed her shoulder for a
moment. "She is a child,
Spock. A child the size of an entire
planet."
He considered what he knew,
what he had experienced. "She is
not logical," he conceded.
"Not logical? She is naïve and trusting."
"No, she is not,
Nako. She does not talk to the
telepaths. Only to those she knows. And to you...she must trust you, but who does
not? It is one of your greatest gifts,
your ability to make those who are suspicious open up to you."
Nako nodded distractedly, her
mouth set in a tight line.
"Are you upset?" he
asked.
She turned to him
abruptly. "I think there are people
here already who will try to take what they want from this world."
"Poachers?"
"After the
minerals. I saw the surveys, Spock. I know how much dilithium there is here. As well as other strategic materials. And the new minerals, the ones we don't even
know the uses for yet. They are enticing
too."
He nodded. "I'm afraid this world is a tempting
target. But surely Taillte would know if
they were here? She can defend herself?"
Nako shrugged. "I'm not so sure she would know until
they make their move. I don't know how
much attention she is paying to those she won't talk to. I hope she learns. She can't sit and play with her 'children'
forever."
He was surprised at her
reaction, and his expression must have told her so.
"Don't look so shocked,
Spock. I, at least, am practical in the
way I approach the mystical. But Taillte
is like those spores on Omicron Ceti III."
She saw his slight wince and smiled.
"Don't mean to make you uncomfortable. But that's how I see it. She has a hold on Christine and
Penhallon. And I'm not sure it's a
healthy one."
"They are both still
acting professionally when on duty, Nako.
I haven't seen them hanging upside down from trees or looking for
dragons in the clouds when they should be working."
Her look darkened. "Maybe not. But I think the analogy is apt."
"I will, of course,
consider what you say." He turned
away.
"Taillte's talking to
you, too, isn't she?"
He turned. "I was the one that made contact with
Christine. Taillte acted as an amplifier
for us. She is comfortable with
me."
"Well, don't you get too
comfortable with her." She held his
gaze until he looked away. "Now
where did the telepaths go?"
He pointed in the general
direction and watched her walk off. He
could remember few occasions when he had seen her so agitated. Of course, agitated for Nako would be
contemplative for anyone else, but still, it was clear to him, after all the
years of knowing her, that something was wrong.
He just wasn't sure what it was.
But he knew it would be futile to try to find out before Nako was ready
to tell him.
----------------------------
Christine gasped as she and
Kerr entered the main chamber of the caverns.
The feeling of Taillte was incredibly immediate, almost too
intense. *This is where you live,* she
thought.
She heard Taillte laugh in
her mind. *I live everywhere. But much of my energy is focused here.*
The minerals, Christine
guessed, as her light and Kerr's played across the surface of the walls,
causing them to sparkle as brightly as any diamond. They must amplify Taillte's essence
somehow. She moved closer to the wall,
studied the striations of color that shot across the entire space, covering flat
surfaces and stalactites hanging down from the ceiling. "Wow."
"I see your wow and
raise you a gee whiz." Kerr grinned
at her as he walked over to a stalagmite, knelt down to scan what looked like
quartz matrix. "This is dilithium."
She walked over. "It's all over the planet. Why do you think the Federation keeps sending
more telepaths? They want access to
this."
"Wouldn't that hurt
her? Extracting the dilithium?"
"Digging her insides
out?" Christine laughed
bitterly. "I can't think it would
be pleasant under normal circumstances, but if this place is some kind of
energy nexus for her..." She tried
to think of a medical analogy.
"Nerves congregate different places in our bodies, making those
areas more sensitive."
Kerr nodded. "They train us to go for places like
that in hand-to-hand. The pain can be
overwhelming from a very light hit."
She nodded, glad he
understood. "Spock and I have both
tried to make it clear in our reports that the planet has to choose what she
will and won't allow to be done on her surface."
He started to scan some of
the other deposits. "The mineral
wealth alone on this world is amazing.
Add in the lumber, the potential for raising crops...there's going to be
a lot of crowded worlds that don't quite see the logic in keeping Taillte
pristine."
"I know." It was something she had thought about
often. Taillte did not seem overly
concerned about the threat to her. But
Christine knew that Randall was right.
If Taillte didn't learn to protect herself, then she'd find herself
losing control of her world. Even if she
was that world. Sometimes it made
Christine's head hurt to think about Taillte.
"She's so innocent. I don't
know why she was left alone in the other universe, but she was. We were the first people she'd seen; Stephen
and I were the first ones she got to know."
"And if the reports I've
been seeing are any indication, she doesn't seem interested in expanding her
circle of friends," he said, turning off his tricorder and shoving it back
into his coat.
"She needs friends
though, because if she's not going to protect herself then we'll have to do it
for her. But she needs more than just
the two of us."
"It's up to her, how she
deals with this, isn't it?" Kerr moved
closer to her, a predatory smile on his face.
"Why do I get the
feeling you don't want to talk about Taillte anymore?"
"Because you are so damn
smart." He unfastened her coat and
slid his arms under her shirt, his hands finding bare skin as he pulled her to
him.
She gave in to the sensation
of kissing him, being touched. He began
to lower her to the ground and she pushed back.
"No."
"How long are we going
to wait?" he asked, but he didn't sound terribly surprised that she'd
stopped him.
"We're still mad at each
other. What we said on the hill a while
ago. I don't think either of us was
kidding."
"Chris, we're probably
going to be mad at each other for quite some time. That doesn't mean we're not ready." He shot her a rueful look. "Believe me, I am so ready."
She grinned, pulled him in
for a long kiss. As she pushed against
him, she heard him groan, moaned a similar sentiment herself. "You're not the only one, Colonel."
"We could do it really
fast," he joked.
"We could," she
said as she eased away from him and inspected the caverns again.
"Or, we could do it
really slow."
"That sounds good
too," she agreed.
He walked toward her, saying,
"Or a mixture of both."
She was about to answer, when
a stab of pain shot through her stomach. She heard someone cry out, realized that she
was the one making the shrill noise.
"Christine?" Kerr was at her side instantly. He pulled her hands away from her
stomach. They came back red.
She looked down. It looked like someone had dug into her belly,
taking out a carefully measured, rather large cylinder of skin and tissue. As blood spurted, she was nearly doubled over
by the wave of pain that hit her. She
looked at him. "How?"
"Don't move," he
said, as he put his glove over the open wound, putting pressure on it with his
hand to try to stop the bleeding. He
pulled out his communicator. "Kerr
to Carter."
"Carter here." It was Saldusta.
"I need an emergency
beam out."
A different voice came
on. "This is Lieutenant
Atkins. The minerals in the cavern are
making it difficult to establish a pattern.
I'm attempting to compensate."
Kerr turned to her. "Hold on."
She nodded, tried to slow her
breathing so she wouldn't hyperventilate.
She let him support her as they waited.
"I don't understand how this happened. There was nobody in the cave with us."
"Save your
strength," he instructed tersely.
"We can figure that out later."
She looked down where he was
holding the glove tightly against her.
His hand was covered with blood.
She closed her eyes then and just concentrated on willing the
transporter to take them. A wave of pain
came over her again and she felt her legs go out. Kerr eased her down, and she collapsed on the
floor of the cave as her belly slowly lost all feeling. How had this happened? It was almost as if someone had taken a
tissue sample from her. A huge one.
She was suddenly aware of
Taillte's voice in her mind; she seemed as agitated as Christine was when she
said, *Stop them.*
*Stop who?*
The pain in her belly
increased and Christine screamed as she felt another section of tissue being
removed.
But that's impossible, she
thought. I'm lying on my stomach. No one is touching me.
Taillte moaned in pain.
No one is touching _me_,
Christine realized. She turned over,
motioned to Kerr, whispered, "They're taking core samples. Drilling.
Stop them."
He didn't seem to hear her,
as he pulled out his communicator.
"We're out of time, Atkins."
*We'll stop them,* Christine
tried to reassure Taillte.
"Beaming up now,
sir," was the last thing she heard before the transporter took them.
---------------------------------------
Carpenter finished the crew
reports she was working on and turned her computer terminal off. She was glad to be off duty, anticipating
finally having a chance to explore the planet, when her comm panel chimed.
It was the medical
transporter room technician.
"Doctor Carpenter.
Lieutenant Ritsuko just called.
Medical emergency on the surface.
I'm beaming her and Commander Penhallon up now."
"I'll be right
there," she said, grabbing her emergency bag and sprinting down the
corridor to the lift. It dropped one
deck and she ran to the medical transporter room. The lieutenant on duty nodded to the pad,
where Ritsuko was sheltering Penhallon.
The man was crouched down, as if in pain from his abdominal area.
"Let me see what's
wrong, Stephen," Carpenter said softly, nodding at Ritsuko to move away
and gently forcing him to straighten up.
"So much blood,"
Ritsuko said brokenly. "He was
fine, we were relaxing in the sun. Then he cried out and he was bleeding, and
part of his stomach was gone."
Carpenter stared down at his
clothing. There was no blood, no rips in
the fabric, nothing. She lifted up
Penhallon's shirt, thinking perhaps they had bandaged the wound, but his skin
was fine. "This better not be some
kind of joke," she said sternly.
Penhallon and Ritsuko both
looked down at this stomach. Their twin
expressions of bewilderment told her this was no joke.
"There was blood, just
as Umachi said," Penhallon replied as he gingerly started to get up. When nothing appeared to hurt, he moved with
more confidence. "This is
odd."
"This is more than
odd," Carpenter muttered.
The transporter tech looked
up from his station. "I'm being
hailed by Commander Kerr. Another
medical emergency."
"Christine,"
Penhallon said, looking at Carpenter.
"It's Christine."
And this just gets weirder
all the time, she thought, wondering if exploring Taillte was such a great idea,
if these four were any indication.
The transporter tech was
already beaming Kerr and Christine in.
Carpenter hurried forward, but Christine was sitting up, motioning her
off.
"The pain's
gone." She looked down at her
shirt. "This was covered in blood,
ripped." Christine looked at Kerr,
then over at Penhallon. "You felt
it too?"
He nodded.
She stood up quickly,
"Carter to Spock."
His reply was very
quick. "Spock here."
"They're drilling,
Spock. Somewhere, I'm not sure where
yet. They're taking core samples."
"Are you sure?"
"She's sure, sir,"
Penhallon vouched for her. "We both
felt it."
"The telepaths appear to
be unaware, and I felt nothing amiss."
"You're not connected to
her the way we are," Christine said, agitation clear in her voice. "They're hurting her, Spock."
"Beam me up
now." As he appeared on the
platform, he moved toward Christine, his expression deeply concerned. "You are hurt?"
"I thought I was. I'm fine." She rubbed her stomach. "Still can feel the pain, if I try to
remember."
Carpenter had the odd
impression that Spock could feel Christine's pain too. After what she had seen in the caves when he
was in Pon Farr, she didn't question.
What was going on in her friend's love life was a little too confusing for
Carpenter to make sense of, and she didn't try.
She knew that if Christine wanted her to know, she'd tell her. "She's in no danger now. Neither of you are," she said, looking
over at Penhallon as she picked up her emergency bag. "And you don't need me around to tell
you that. If you don't mind, I have some
off duty plans I'm going to rethink."
Maybe
------------------------------
Spock attempted to scan for
the site of the illegal drilling but the unique mineral combinations in the
caverns seemed to be playing havoc with the sensors. He gestured to Christine to follow him to the
transporter controls. He could still
feel the pain she had been in, the shock she'd had. She was not in pain now, but the aftermath of
her experience permeated her emotions.
He had to resist reaching out for her.
He forced his mind to focus on the problem at hand. "Do you have any idea where the drilling
is taking place?"
"No. But Taillte does."
Kerr moved toward them. "You're not going to take her back down
there?"
Christine held up a
hand. "It's all right. She was just getting my attention."
Penhallon nodded. "I think she'll be fine, Colonel."
Spock saw Kerr's face
darken. Their eyes met and he shook his
head. "I do not plan to take her
down there, Colonel. I agree with you
that the risk is too great." He ignored
Christine and Penhallon's cries of dismay.
"That does not mean we are not going to stop this." He looked at Kerr, raised an eyebrow.
Kerr smiled and pulled out
his communicator. "Kerr to
Collins."
"Collins here."
"We need a security team
in the medical transporter room. We're
expecting guests. Ones who won't take
kindly to being beamed up with no notice."
"Yes, sir, we'll be
there at once. Collins out."
"Excellent." Spock turned back to Christine, pointed to
the sensor readings. "Can you tell
me where?"
Christine looked at him. "I told you I don't know."
"Yes, I heard you. You also said Taillte can find them. It would save time, Commander, if she found
them now. I suggest you ask her?"
"It's not so easy from
up here." She turned to the
readouts. "You know I flunked all
my ESP tests."
"Yes, I
recall." He began to move the
sensors over the planet, the display changing as he did so. "Try."
She watched for a second,
then held her hands over the grid.
Closing her eyes, she stood quietly.
He could sense her discomfort, how awkward she felt. Then suddenly she seemed to turn her focus
inward, her breathing became slower and deeper.
A perfect trance, Spock thought.
From one with no training and no skill for telepathy or any other esper
talent. He did not understand it.
"There," she said,
touching her hand down on the display.
Opening her eyes, she asked, "These are caves?"
He nodded. "Halfway across the planet from our base
camp." He turned to the transporter
tech. "Can you get a lock on this
location?"
"Barely, sir. Looks like three humanoids."
Collins and a group of
marines arrived. All extremely well
armed. Spock shot them a questioning
glance.
"Can't be too careful,
sir," Collins said, handing a phaser to Kerr.
"No doubt you are right,
Major." Spock nodded to the
transporter tech. "Beam them up,
Lieutenant...?" Spock realized he
didn't know the man's name.
"Atkins, sir. Beaming
them up now."
A moment later, three very
surprised men appeared on the pad. The
one nearest them still held the core sampling equipment; the other two had
laser pickaxes and several types of tricorders and scanners. They turned around slowly, revealing
Starfleet Corps of Engineer uniforms.
"What the hell is going
on," the one closest to Spock said.
"How dare you interrupt our work!"
"Your work was not
authorized, Commander...?"
"Montt. And the hell it wasn't."
"We specifically said
nothing invasive." Christine moved
closer to the pad. "Who authorized you
to take core samples?"
"This kind of sampling
is standard procedure for a newly discovered planet. We'll be inventorying all the mineral
resources, estimating approximate yield."
"By whose orders?"
she asked angrily.
"By Starfleet
Command's. If you don't like it, you can
take it up with my C.O., Commander Flynn."
Spock gestured for Montt to
step off the platform. "We will
most assuredly do that, Commander."
He held out his hand. "If you
would be so kind as to give me the samples you have taken?"
"You have no call to
take these away."
Spock heard the sound of four
phaser rifles being readied for fire.
"Marines have so little to do on a diplomatic ship," he said
casually.
One of the engineers
practically threw his equipment at Christine.
"You people are nuts."
"On the contrary,"
Spock said, as he took the core samples Montt handed him. "We are simply ensuring that a sentient
life form isn't harmed any more than she already has been. I believe you have one more piece of
equipment?" he said to the last engineer.
The man tossed the scanner to
Spock. He caught it easily. "Now, I assume that you have a ship in
orbit?"
"We have a
shuttle."
Spock looked at Atkins.
"I've got it, sir."
"Beam them back to their
ship." Spock shot Montt a stern
look. "Do not come back to Taillte,
Lieutenant Commander." He put extra
emphasis on the 'lieutenant' part of the title.
Before Montt could reply, the
transporter caught the engineers up and beamed them away.
"Nicely done, Lieutenant
Atkins."
The tech looked enormously
pleased with himself. "They're back
on their ship, sir."
"Very good." He turned to Christine. "One of us should examine these samples,
see what they found so interesting."
She handed him the equipment
she was holding. "You're better at
that. Shall I send Kavall down to the
science lab to assist?"
He nodded.
"Meanwhile, I'll contact
the Corps of Engineers." She smiled
grimly as she headed for the door.
"And after they've given me the complete runaround, I'll see if any
of my friends back at Command can help us figure out who authorized this."
"I will be most curious
to hear." Once she was gone, Spock
turned to Kerr. "It isn't our place
to police the planet. We are here in a
diplomatic capacity only."
Kerr nodded. "But you might like to know who's coming
and going...with a bit more detail than we've been providing?"
"I think that is exactly
what I would like. Lieutenant Myrax
might enjoy working with you on this."
Spock let his mouth turn up slightly.
"I think she might. She's another one that doesn't have much to
do."
"Acknowledged." Spock shook his head slightly. "Someone at Starfleet Command authorized
this. Someone who doesn't care that
Taillte is sentient, or that we have accorded her the same diplomatic rights as
the ruling body of a planet would have.
I don't think that person is going to give up now."
Kerr smiled. It was a predatory expression. "I don't think so either."
"I'll leave you to your
work then, Colonel." Spock hefted
the equipment easily, and headed to the science lab.
-------------3------------------
Christine was in her office
when Saldusta hailed her.
"Commander Flynn from the Starfleet Corps of Engineers, sir."
"In my office,
Lieutenant."
"Aye, sir."
Christine's terminal lit
up. The woman on the other end looked
annoyed. "Are you the party
responsible for disrupting our timetable?"
Christine leaned back, if
Flynn wanted to attack her, she'd wasn't going to get the reaction she
expected. "You're in direct
violation of the first contact parameters for this planet."
"First
contact?" Flynn looked
bemused. "The planet is
uninhabited." Her expression
changed to worried.
"Not exactly,
Commander." Christine leaned
forward. "Look, I only want to get
to the bottom of this. I don't want to
get you in trouble. I need to know who
gave you the orders."
"Commander Harris in
Diplomatic. Said he was told to transfer
all orders for Taillte to the Corps of Engineers."
"That's damned odd. Can you transfer me to him?"
Flynn nodded, working her
panel for a moment. The screen went
blank and then a Lieutenant appeared.
"Commander Harris's office."
"Commander Chapel, First
Officer of the Carter, here. I need to
speak to Commander Harris at once."
"I'm not sure he's
available, ma'am. Hold please."
Christine sighed. She knew the routine, had played the game
herself not too long ago when she'd been at Command. Harris was undoubtedly in his office. But if he didn't want to talk to her, the
lieutenant would report that he was in a meeting, or had left for the day, or
even that he was offworld. It was
relatively easy to evade comms if you really wanted to.
To her surprise, it was not
the lieutenant looking apologetic and earnest that appeared on the screen but
the commander himself. "What can I
do for you, Chris?"
Christine smiled in
delight. Why hadn't she put two and two
together? Harris was a common name,
true, and there was more than one Commander in the fleet with that name. But how many of them worked in
Diplomatic? "Tom."
"It seems like forever,
Chris. The team's nine-ball game has
gone to hell since you shipped out."
She grinned. "Sorry about that. Hope the league's recovered?"
"I convinced Donnelly to
join up. She's nowhere near as good as
you, but she is a whole lot friendlier."
"I wasn't
unfriendly." She grinned at
him. This was an old game between them.
"Well, I wouldn't call
it friendly to constantly say no to my attempts at seduction." He suddenly turned serious. "What's going on up there? We've heard some odd stories about the Carter
and what happened to Farrell."
Tom had never liked Ren. Christine hadn't known exactly why. She suddenly wondered if he had known that
Farrell had been involved in more than just relief ops. She weighed whether it would be smart to ask
him and decided to save it for some other conversation. "It's a little crazy here, Tom. But nothing we can't handle."
"If you say
so."
"Listen, Tom. I need to get to the bottom of a little
mix-up. We had a team of engineers out
here on Taillte, taking core samples.
Their C.O. says you sent the orders over."
"Flynn? Yeah, I sent the orders over to her. Looked like standard discovery protocols to
me."
"But our report clearly
said that the planet was sentient. We
asked for first contact protocols."
He looked stunned. "No, you didn't. Hold on." He worked at his terminal for a moment, then
said, "I'm sending you what I got."
A second later the memo
appeared in her message file. She
scanned it. Someone had rewritten what
they had sent. "This doesn't make
sense."
"It came directly from
Admiral Hays's office."
She could see the routing on
the message. "Captain
Alexyev?"
"That's what it
says. I don't know the person, but then
I don't travel in those circles."
"Neither do I. But I know someone that might. Thanks for your help, Tom."
He nodded. "We miss you, Chris."
"I miss you guys
too," she said, with a smile as she signed off.
This didn't make any
sense. A mistake she could understand,
but this was deliberate tampering.
Someone wanted what Taillte had to offer. And whoever it was, they were Starfleet. We're supposed to be the good guys, Christine
thought, as she signaled Saldusta.
"Sir?"
"Get me Admiral Mackin's
office. I need to speak with Commander
Uhura."
"Aye, Sir." Saldusta was back quickly. "She's in a meeting. Due back in an hour."
"Thanks." Christine suddenly felt restless. She got up and walked out to the bridge. "Sabuti, you have the conn."
"Aye, sir," the
navigator replied.
Christine took the turbolift
down to the geology lab. Kavall looked
up as she walked in. "Hey."
"Hey. Anything interesting?"
"Lots. But nothing unexpected. Spock went down to the planet. He wanted to check out the cave they were
in."
"I doubt he'll find
anything there." Christine touched
the rock sample. This was Taillte, part
of her anyway. If this little bit hurt
her, what would large-scale drilling do to her?
And how would she defend herself if anyone ever tried?
"You okay?" Kavall was looking at her with concern.
Christine nodded. "I'm worried about the planet."
"You don't think they'll
leave her alone?"
"I don't know,
Nevara." Christine stroked a long vein
of the sapphire-like mineral that she'd seen in the cave Stephen had
found. "So much abundance. In all the things we need most. And she doesn't seem able to defend
herself."
"Maybe she'll
learn."
Christine smiled. "That's what Randall thinks."
"Well, he's usually
right."
"When did you become
such a fan?" Christine shot her a
surprised look.
"I like him. He's good for you. He makes you smile." Kavall shrugged. "I'm a fan of the two of you
together."
Christine smiled. "You're a good friend."
Kavall turned back to the
core samples with a smile. "Just
returning the favor."
Christine walked back to her
office, busying herself with the reports until Saldusta commed.
"I have Commander Uhura
for you."
"Private channel,
Saldusta," Christine said. The
screen lit up and she smiled at the sight of her old friend. "Hi, Ny."
"Christine. What's the occasion?"
"I need some
information."
Uhura rolled her eyes. "Sure you call when you need
something. But any other
time?" A fond grin softened her
words. "What do you need?"
"Do you know a Captain
Alexyev?"
Uhura shook her head. "Do you know what office?"
"Admiral Hays. Not sure where. I don't even have a first name."
Uhura was already calling
something up on her screen. "Don't need
it. There's only one Captain Alexyev in
the fleet. Sergei. And he's on Starbase 18."
"Did he just
transfer? Did he ever work in Hays's
office?"
Uhura shook her head. "No to both. He's been there for two years. And his service record doesn't have him at
Command at all. Why?"
"If I send you
something, can you trace it?"
Uhura shrugged. "I can try."
Christine pulled up the
document again, sent it to Uhura.
"It's important that this be discreet, Uhura."
Uhura rolled her eyes. "What isn't, at this level?" She bent to her terminal. "I long for the days when I could
actually talk about what I do, you know?"
She looked up suddenly.
"This didn't come from Admiral Hays's office. But I'm not sure where it did come
from."
Christine had an idea who had
sent it. The Section that Renata and
Randall had worked for was starting to become the bogeyman to her, responsible
for every bad thing that happened anywhere.
It was probably an overreaction.
She leaned forward, as if that would make what she was about to say more
private somehow, and asked, "Have you ever heard of a section, Ny?"
"A section of
what?"
"Just a section. The Section."
Uhura looked confused. "I'm not sure what you're talking about,
Christine. Do you have anything more specific?"
Christine shook her
head. "Just forget I said
anything."
"It's forgotten. I'm sorry I can't be more help." Uhura leaned back and smiled. "It was good to see you again at
Scotty's service, despite the circumstances."
"It was." Christine remembered how wonderful it had
felt to be back with her friends. She
tried not to think about how much she had enjoyed the time she had spent alone
with Spock. Tried not to recall what
they had done during part of that time.
"It was good to see you
and Spock so close. I know it's been a
long time coming."
"We're good
friends." Christine didn't want to
have this conversation now.
"I'd say a bit more than
that?" Uhura frowned. "No?"
"Didn't I mention that I
was seeing someone?"
"You kind of forgot that."
"I am. A great guy.
You'd like him." Christine
knew that all her friends would have liked Kerr. If they'd met him. If she'd let him come with her. But she hadn't wanted that. And that had been a mistake on her part...and
a calculated move. At the time, she had
only wanted to spend time with Spock and with the others she'd served with on
the
Uhura broke into her reverie. "Does he have a name?"
"Randall Kerr. Colonel."
Uhura's expression was one of
shock for a split second, then the look was gone. Christine wondered if she had actually seen
it. "Do you know him?"
"Colonel? I take it he's a marine?" At Christine's nod, Uhura shook her
head. "No, don't think I've ever
met him."
"For a minute it looked
like you knew him?"
There was a buzzing sound on
Uhura's end. "I have a priority
call coming in, Christine. I've got to
go. It's been good catching up. Uhura out."
Christine stared at the blank
screen, wondering if there had truly been a comm. That was another Command trick; it was easy
to program the buzzer to go off at the press of a button. Christine had used it herself any time that a
conversation showed signs of going on too long.
But why would her friend do that to her?
Just one more question to add
to the growing list.
---------------------------
Spock walked by the shore of
a large lake, taking in the view, the sounds, the gentle breeze. He had checked out the cave, found nothing
out of the ordinary. He'd needed a place
to think, away from the telepaths, had found the lake earlier but hadn't had
much time to explore. It was isolated
and calm and had seemed like a good place to think, so he had beamed over. As he gazed out at the water, he felt the
same pull he had experienced the first time.
He was drawn to the place and now, as he walked, he understood why.
His communicator chimed. "Chapel to Spock."
"Spock here,
Commander."
"I have some information
on who authorized those core samples.
I'd rather tell you in person. Do
you mind some company?"
"Beam down, if you
wish." He tried to ignore the
illogical leap his emotions took at the idea that she would be with him. It was irrelevant. It did not matter.
But it did matter. He had thought that he could let her go. She had made her choice and he had supported
it. But now...somehow, here, on this
planet, in this place, her choice was no longer acceptable.
Not that he could do much
about it. It was, after all, _her_
choice.
"I wish I could tell you
I had an answer." She was walking
toward him, the breeze blowing bits of her hair that had worked loose from the
bun she wore into her face. He had an
irrational urge to smooth them back...or to take her hair down altogether.
He realized she was looking
at him warily. He could not believe that
she had sensed what he was thinking; he knew that his face was in the customary
Vulcan mask. "Is something
wrong?" he asked her.
"I can feel it."
He let a raised eyebrow stand
as commentary.
"You wanted to touch me
just then."
"That seems to be a
constant desire these days, Christine.
And it is hardly a new thing. And
one that I have said I will resist. You
said you had information?"
She handed him the padd she'd
worked up. "I'm sorry. I know this is hard for you."
He didn't look at the
padd. "I am sure it is difficult
for you too. It cannot be easy making
such a final decision. And then carrying
it out, with no straying. Very
hard." He realized too late how
mocking his tone was, how harsh his words.
"Why are you being like
this?" She turned to look at the
lake. "You supported my
decision."
"Yes. I did."
"And that's
changed?"
He studied the padd before he
answered. "I support it
intellectually. Emotionally, however, is
another story." He handed the padd
back to her. "Fortunately, I am
Vulcan. I can control those
emotions."
"Fortunately," she
agreed. Indicating the padd, she asked,
"Are you surprised at this?"
He nodded. "We were quite specific in the
parameters for interaction with Taillte."
She nodded. "I thought we were too until I got to
the part where they rewrote our memo. I
tried to find out where the memo originated at Command, Spock. Took it up the chain as far as I could. But I got nowhere. Commander Flynn got her orders from Commander
Harris who got his orders from Admiral Hays's office, only the person he said
gave the orders doesn't work for Admiral Hays and never has. And it turns out the message wasn't sent from
Hays's office, but it's unclear who did send it. Whoever sent that team here is well
hidden."
"Or well placed. Or both."
"Or the Section?"
"The thought has
occurred to me." He shook his head
slowly. "You have better connections
at Command these days than I do. If you
could not find out any more than this, then I doubt that I could."
"Then it's a closed
issue."
"So it would
seem." As she pulled out her
communicator, he said, "Stay. For a
while?" He could tell she was
undecided. "Please?"
With a soft smile, she put
the communicator back on her belt.
"I doubt it's a good idea, Spock.
The mood you seem to be in."
"It is this place. Does it not remind you of something,
Christine?"
She looked around, stared at
the lake and smiled. "Other than
He nodded. "I meant somewhere a little more exotic
than
Her smile faded. "You're right. It never occurred to me."
"It just occurred to me,
as well. And I think it may explain some
of the mood you say I am in. And Taillte
does not make it easier. She
is...distracting."
"I didn't realize she
was still talking to you."
"She is." He started walking toward the lake, leading
her down to the water's edge, then along a path that paralleled the shoreline.
"Now that you've said
it, I can't believe I didn't see the similarities at once. All it's lacking is the obelisk. And a
"With our captain living
among them as a god," he said.
"If there was ever a role
he was made for, that was it," she said with a grin. "What was her name? His wife?
I can't remember now."
"Miramanee."
"Yes. She was pregnant. I remember that. I remember thinking then how tragic it
was. The child he would never
know." She turned to him. "Like David..."
"Yes. Doctor Marcus has much to answer for."
"Answer to whom?"
Spock shook his head. "To herself. To those she hurt."
"To some higher
power?"
"If such exists."
"Maybe one of my
goddesses."
"Perhaps." He gave her a half smile.
They walked in silence for a
while. Then she said so softly that he
had to strain to hear her, "I miss him, Spock. I only knew Jim, I mean knew him
well"--she seemed to search for the right way to say what she meant.
"Was his lover?" he
offered.
She shot him a startled
glance, then nodded. "Was his
lover...for a short time. I can't
imagine what losing him must feel like to you?"
He chose to not answer,
instead asked, "Did you love him?"
She didn't respond, just
stood staring out at the water. He saw
her blink several times.
"He loved you," he
said.
She looked back at him. "Not as much as he loved you," she
said with a sad smile. "Seeing him
on the
"It must have been
unpleasant?" He did not like to
remember those days. The coldness that
had permeated his soul after Gol. The
confusion V-Ger had left inside him. Jim
had been kind, had not punished him. But
he could have, had he not been a forgiving type.
"It was at first. I thought he'd make my life a living
hell. But he didn't. He seemed to forgive me, even if he never let
me in again." She smiled
wryly. "But why did he need
to? He had you back."
He nodded. "We have not spoken of this before. Not the way we should have."
"I know. I don't think either of us was ready
to." She looked down, then met his
eyes. "I did love him."
"I know." He reached out, touched her cheek. "A Vulcan is not given to wishes,
Christine."
"But?"
"But if I were, I would
wish that things had turned out differently for you and me." When she did not answer, he looked back at
the lake. "Randall reminds me of him."
"I guess he does me
too." She touched his hand. "But not at first. I didn't see that
until later."
"You mean you did not
choose him because you wanted another chance with Jim?"
"He's not Jim. We both know that."
"No, he is not."
Spock said. "Yet I wonder if
perhaps I try harder with him because I too am reminded of the Captain? It was not in my best interest to convince
Randall to stay when we found out the truth about him."
She smiled. "No, it wasn't." Then her grin disappeared. "But it was in the best interest of the
ship. And in the long run, isn't that
what matters?"
"Logic would say
so."
"Is logic what you
listen to when you look at me?" she asked, her expression strange,
difficult for him to read. When he didn't
answer, she sighed in frustration.
"I can feel what you're feeling, Spock. All the time.
It's getting stronger...this thing between us. I don't understand." Her voice trailed off to a whisper. "Is it Taillte? Is she doing this?"
"I do not know,
Christine. I only know that it is
true."
"It has to stop,
Spock. I've made my choice. And I'm sorry, I know it hurts, but I didn't
choose you. And I'm all right with that,
except...with this thing between us...I don't know how to stop feeling that I'm
betraying you."
"Perhaps you are
betraying me."
"I'm not."
"You betray one or the
other of us, however you choose. We both
love you." He turned back to the
lake. "I will not make it more
difficult for you. But I do not know how
to stop what is happening. I do not know
how it even began. We are not bonded,
Christine. I thought after our night in
"Maybe T'Clev would have
answers for us?"
He had not considered
that. "I do not know. It is conceivable that she might have
experience with such a thing. If you
wish to contact her, I would not be averse to hearing what she
suggests." He touched her cheek
briefly. "I too am concerned that
the connection between us is getting stronger...more difficult to resist."
"I'll contact her
then. Hopefully, she will know something
that can help us." She began to
walk away, then she turned back. "I'll
have to tell her everything."
He nodded. "She is discreet. It is the nature of her vocation."
She laughed softly. "Yes, I guess it is." She turned around, and called for
beam-out. Seconds later she was gone.
Spock stared at the spot she
had been standing for an illogically long moment, then continued walking by the
lake.
*You are sad,* he heard
Taillte say.
*Sadness is an emotion,* he
sent to her. *I am a Vulcan. I am not a slave to my emotions.*
He wondered which of them he
was trying to convince.
----------------------------
Troi was just coming in from the
iris fields when he saw some marines wrestling with several Tellarites. "What the hell?" he said softly.
He nearly jumped when a voice
sounded in his mind. *Poachers is, I
think, the word.*
He stood very still. "Taillte?"
*It is I, Andrew.*
He felt a thrill of
pleasure. She knew his name?
*I know much, Andrew. I see all, I understand more and more.*
*Stephen says you are
learning at a phenomenal rate,* he tried to form each word carefully in his
mind, unsure if he was actually getting to her.
He felt a surge of happiness from her when he said Penhallon's name.
*I have always known, but it
was difficult to communicate. Now it
becomes easier to reach out to you, to the others,* she said.
*So that's why you haven't
talked to the psychics?*
*I talk with whom I choose.*
He smiled. *I'm glad you chose me.*
"What are you
doing?" Elaine Wynter's voice
could, he decided, peel paint.
He looked over at her, tried
not to notice how pretty she looked in the light blue outfit she was
wearing. "Nothing."
"You were trying to talk
to her, weren't you?"
"Not that it's any of
your business," he said, as he started walking toward the shelters. He had to tell Rixx about Taillte.
"As if she would ever
talk to you," Elaine said, catching up with him and standing in front of
him, stopping his progress.
"I live in hope,"
he said breezily, pushing past her and continuing on his way.
She hurried after him, again
getting in his way.
He stopped and gave her a
puzzled look. "I'm a little busy,
as much fun as your abuse is...."
She seemed frustrated, and he
thought for a moment she was going to stamp her foot.
"I have to go," he
said, pushing past her one last time and walking quickly to Rixx's
shelter. He knocked on the door, heard
his friend tell him to come in. As he
pushed open the door, he saw that Rixx was packing up the contents of the
shelter, placing his items carefully in two small bags.
"What's going on?"
Rixx smiled at him. "I have good news and I have bad
news."
Troi frowned. "What's the bad news?"
"I'm pretty sure it goes
in the other order," Rixx said as he finished folding his shirts and put
them in one of the bags. "The good
news is that Taillte finally spoke to me."
He turned to look at Troi.
"The bad news is that she told me to go home."
"Go home? Back to Betazed?"
Rixx nodded. "It's not like I wasn't going to go back
there anyway when this was done. I just
thought I'd go out on a note of triumph, you know? Not be sent packing with my tail between my
legs by a planet that doesn't want to talk to me."
"Maybe she just wants
you to be happy? With
Larissa?"
Rixx shrugged. "Maybe." He fastened the bags, then lifted them off
the bed. "Well, that's it."
"You're leaving
now?"
Rixx nodded. "Taillte must know the shuttle schedule,
she told me in time for me to book myself on the next one." He reached out, took Troi's hand in his. "I'll miss you, my friend. You have to come to the wedding."
"I wouldn't miss
it," Troi said as he let go of Rixx's hand, followed the Betazoid out to
the cordoned off area that was being used as a transport site. He decided not to tell Rixx that Taillte was
talking to him and hadn't told him to go home.
Troi didn't want to add to the man's bitterness. "Take care. Be happy, Gallen."
"You do the same,
Andrew. I'll send you an invitation as
soon as we know the date for the wedding.
And stay away from Elaine. She's trouble."
"You don't have to tell
me twice," Troi said.
Rixx stepped over the barrier
and stood with several others that were transporting up to the shuttle. A moment later he was gone.
"Goodbye, Gallen,"
Troi whispered as the shimmer faded away.
The planet already felt lonelier.
He heard Taillte's voice in
his mind say, *Don't worry. I will find
you another friend.*
-------------4--------------
Kerr saw Christine sitting in
the far corner of the marine lounge. She
was slouched down in the chair, her feet up on the low table in front of
her. From the back, she looked lost in
thought. He stopped at the bar to get a
beer, then headed over to her.
As he got closer, he could
see her reflected in the view port, realized she had seen him too as she
suddenly sat up straight and took her feet off the table.
"At ease, Commander,"
he said with a grin.
"I'm setting a bad
example." Her answering grin was
weak.
"You looked
relaxed. Isn't that what the lounge is
for?" He sat down next to her,
studied her while he sipped his beer.
"What's the matter?"
"Nothing."
"That's not a nothing
face." He leaned back in the
chair.
"Sure it is." She forced a smile.
"Never play poker for
money, Chris."
She rolled her eyes and
suddenly slouched down again.
"Okay, it's not nothing. But
it's nothing important."
"You usually tell me
everything, Chris, important or not. If
you aren't talking, then it can only be about one thing." He looked over at her, waited till she looked
back at him before saying, "It's gotta be Spock."
"We shouldn't be having
this conversation here."
He stood up. "Fine.
Let's have it somewhere else."
"Randall--"
"--No. You're right; this isn't the place. So, let's go." He took a deep swig of his drink. "My place is closer. And farther from him."
She sighed, but at his look
got up. He led her out, stopping only to
put his drink on the bar before heading for the door.
She followed him into the
lift, said quietly, "Deck four."
She stared at the floor, then suddenly looked up at him.
He fought the urge to stop
the lift, pull her to him. Something was
wrong. Again. He wasn't sure that he wanted to know what it
was. But he didn't want to walk around
with his eyes closed either. They needed
to talk about this.
She was out of the lift as soon
as the doors opened, walking quickly to his quarters. He palmed it open, gestured for her to go
first. He thought he saw her hesitate
for a moment before she walked in.
He let the door close behind
him, then asked, "So what did he do now?"
She was pacing. And not looking at him. That was never a good sign.
"Chris?"
She stopped, turned to face
him. "Is this fair to you?"
"Is what fair to
me?"
She moved toward him. "I'm not sure I can talk about him to
you. I'm not sure that's fair."
He took a deep breath. "Can you talk about me to him?"
"I don't."
"But can you?" He reached for her but she had already turned
away, resumed pacing.
"That's not the point,
Randall." She stopped moving again,
stood at the view port, her back to him.
He walked over to her,
stopped just out of arms reach of her.
"Then what is the point?"
"He's not the one I
chose." Her voice got smaller. "He's not the one I cheated on."
"That's the first time
you've put it quite that way."
She nodded. "I wanted to believe that's not what it
was. But I know better."
"Would you do it all
over again?"
She didn't answer, which was
an answer.
He moved so that he could
touch her, wrapped his arms around her.
"Is that why you won't let me touch you?"
"You're touching me
now."
"Don't evade." He pulled her against him. "Do you want to rethink your
choice? Do you want to choose Spock this
time?"
Her whispered "No,"
was instantaneous. He wished it made him
feel better.
"Then what?"
She tensed, seemed ready to
pull away. He let go of her, not willing
to hold her against her will if she really wanted to escape. To his surprise, she relaxed in his arms,
pushing back against him and leaning her head on his shoulder. He twined his arms around her again.
Her voice was very soft. "This bond between Spock and me. It's not going away. I don't know what it means. I don't know how much stronger it will
get. It worries me. And I think it's eating him alive."
He tightened his grip on her,
suddenly very worried.
She sighed. "I love him, Randall. I don't want to see him hurting."
"I get that."
"But I love you
too. And I want to be with you. I've chosen you."
He wasn't sure what to
say. He could feel her shaking, realized
she was crying. Spock wasn't the only
one that was being eaten alive by this.
"Chris, look at me."
She turned slowly, looked up
at him. Her expression was one of pure
misery.
"If you want me to go
away, I will. If it will stop this from
hurting you, then I'll do it." He
didn't know where the words came from, didn't like that he was saying
them. But he meant them. He hated seeing her this way. Maybe it was time to go. Even though it would kill him to leave her.
"No." She looked crushed. "You can't leave."
He stroked her hair away from
her face. "Maybe it would be
easier."
She shook her head. "No.
Losing you would not make it easier."
"You could be with him,
Christine. Maybe you need to consider
that."
She reached up, touched his
face. He leaned into her hand with a
moan.
"No, Randall. I don't need to consider it. I care for him. I always will. And this link...it will make things harder
for us. But I want you. I chose you.
And I'm choosing you now."
She leaned into him, kissed him gently.
"I love you."
"You sound
sure." He kissed her back
softly. "But you were sure before,
and look what happened."
"We were different
then. All of us. Now we've seen what we look like when we take
off the masks. It wasn't pretty, but we
got through it."
He pursed his lips. "Did we?"
She gave him a lopsided
grin. "We're getting through
it?"
"That I'll
buy." Sighing, he pulled her close,
buried his face in her hair. "I
don't want to lose you."
Her arms tightened around
him.
"But I don't want to
have to worry about this every time I turn around, Chris. I want to be sure of you."
She nuzzled into him, her
breath was warm against his ear as she said, "I want to be sure of you
too, Randall. And sure of myself. But maybe we won't ever have that. What then?"
He wasn't sure what to say
because he knew she was right.
"Will you walk away from
me if I tell you that I can't make any promises? That I only know that I'll try my
hardest?" She sighed, pulled away
slightly. "Should I walk away
because I don't know who you are? I'm
having to trust that you're telling me the truth about the Section, but you
could be lying. Should that bother
me?"
He nodded his understanding,
then asked, "What about Spock?"
"This isn't about
Spock."
"Yes, it is. Any talk about us, is also a talk about
him. I'm beginning to accept that, sad
as it sounds."
She shook her head. "How did things get so screwed up?"
He laughed. It was a bitter sound. "But for a cave-in...."
"But for a
cave-in," she agreed. "We were
fine. You and I were fine."
"We were better than
fine, Chris. Other than me lying to
you." He gave her a sheepish grin.
"Other than
that." She grinned back, and he
realized it was the first time that she'd been able to smile when his betrayal
was the subject.
He chose his words
carefully. "I like it here. I like it on the Carter. We're making a difference, and I want to stay
here. With you, with Spock. He's a good captain, and a good man, despite
this craziness between the three of us.
He needs us. I know he needs you
to keep him human. He may need me to
keep him honest." He walked to her,
pulled her back to him. He knew his
expression was deadly serious as he said, "I want to stay here. I'll put up with the uncertainty because I
believe that you'll try your damnedest not to make the same mistake again. But
I'm not waiting anymore, Chris. It's
time."
She nodded, as serious as he
was. "Yes. It's time."
He took her hand, led her to
his bedroom. Pulled off her clothes,
then turned her so she was facing the mirror.
He watched as his hands played across her body.
She groaned.
"Look," he said in
her ear, watching as she slowly raised her eyes until she could see him in the
mirror. She arched back against him and
he kissed her neck. "I'm not ever
going to offer to go again."
"Good." She turned, pulling off his clothes as she
pushed him onto the bed and followed him down.
"Don't leave me. Not ever."
"Ever is a long
time."
"I hope so," she
said firmly, as she leaned over him to kiss him gently. Then she began to touch him, letting her
hands roam over his skin.
There was nothing tender in
their next kiss. Or in the way she moved
on him. He rolled her over, wanting to
be on top of her, to be the one controlling how this went. She seemed to understand, reached up and
pulled him down to her, kissing him frantically.
"Missed you so," he
murmured, as he slowed down, began to move more deliberately.
"I know," she said,
giving him a long, sweet kiss. "I
love you, Randall."
"Love you, Chris,"
he whispered, as he lost himself in the sensation of being with her again, a
feeling that, despite her having chosen him, he hadn't been completely sure he
would ever experience again.
-----------------------
Spock was feeling restive,
regretting what he had said to Christine earlier. She had not asked for any of this, was just
trying to do the best in a bad situation.
He knew that she had commed
T'Clev, told her what was happening. She
had said T'Clev had not seemed hopeful that an answer would be found in the
temple records, but she would check.
Spock looked down, realized
he was worrying a small flat stone. He
examined it, then suddenly whipped it underhanded toward the lake. It skipped eight times before it sank out of
sight.
He had been nearly seven when
his human grandfather had taught him how to do that. The next year, when he had come back to Earth
for a visit, Spock had shown no interest in skipping stones, or in any of the
other diversions that Amanda's father had suggested. Spock had changed, at his Kahs-wan ceremony
he had finally chosen which part of his nature he would let lead him. And he had chosen to be Vulcan. It had broken his grandfather's heart, only
Spock had ignored the man's pain at the time.
Now he wondered if he could not have tried a little harder to find
common ground with the old man who had adored him...who had died two years
later.
Spock stood up. This place preyed upon his peace of
mind.
*Perhaps your peace of mind is
an illusion,* Taillte suggested.
She had been hovering since
Christine had beamed back up. A subtle,
non-intrusive presence that seemed to be worried about him for some
reason.
*Leave me,* he said
firmly. He was not sure if she did, but
her voice was silent in his mind.
He should not have spoken to
Christine as he had. It was
unprofessional. And unkind. He did not wish to hurt her. Wished only to--
He forced his thoughts away
from that. It did not matter what he
wanted. He could have had her months
ago. But he had turned away. Shut her out.
She had not waited for him. And
he had not, at the time, expected her to.
But for a cave-in, he thought
wistfully. But for that, he would not
now be brooding over a woman he could not have.
Would perhaps not even want her.
But for a cave-in. If he were
human, he would think he was cursed. He
had taken every precaution. There should
have been no need for Christine to involve herself in his Pon Farr. T'Clev had been there, willing and more than
able to assist him.
He hoped the priestess would
have answers for them. Answers that
would explain the bond between them. The
curious link that allowed him to feel what Christine was feeling, that allowed
her to know that he felt far too much for her.
The link that he could not comprehend.
The link that suddenly flared
into life, leaving him reeling. He sank
to his knees, took several deep breaths.
This feeling, this intense feeling as two bodies came together...
It was Christine. And Kerr.
Spock shielded desperately,
finally managing to block the overwhelming sensations he was getting from
Christine as she made love to Kerr.
He looked down. He had gouged two deep furrows in the
soil. Through his disorientation, he
felt a frisson of regret for the pain he must have caused Taillte.
*I am more hardy than you
think,* she said gently. *The longer I
am in your universe, the more accustomed to pain I become. That is how life is in your world, is it
not?*
He did not respond to her,
just slowly pushed himself to his feet, standing unsteadily.
*You hurt now,* she said.
He did not try to deny
it. *Yes. I hurt.*
*I can help. Stay here.
Let them go on without you.*
The thought almost tempted
him. To not have to see them again. To not have to know that Christine was in
Kerr's arms, in his bed. It would be a
relief.
But the Carter was his ship,
a stronger part of him answered, and he was needed. He would deal with his feelings as they
came. He had a higher purpose, and the
ship and her crew--all of her crew--were part of it. He would not leave it just because he could
not handle his own emotions.
*You are strong.* Taillte's voice was like a soft caress. *I knew you would not stay with me.*
*I cannot. I will not give up that way.* He thought of how Nako had compared Taillte
to the spores. He still thought it was a
bad analogy. Taillte exerted pressure,
but she would not force him. Or
anyone. *There is a part of me that
would like to,* he admitted.
*I know.* She sounded amused. *Show me how you skipped the stone?*
He shook his head.
*Please?* When he did not move, she whispered, *I know
how much it hurts. It might hurt less,
if you play?*
*I have told you. Vulcans do not play.*
*Just as Vulcans do not love?* Her tone was gentle, prodding him only
slightly.
Love, he mused. Love was pain. Why did it always hurt so?
*Play...play as I do,
Spock. I play with those that are here
and the joy I feel makes me forget my pain.*
When he did not reply, she said, *I will leave you alone with your logic
then, if you will not play.*
I will meditate, he
thought. Yes, meditate. That should help. He assumed the proper position almost
frantically, drove his consciousness down relentlessly.
It took him a long time to
find even a hint of the stillness within.
-------------------------------
T'Clev took the last group of
scrolls to her rooms in the temple.
Commander Chapel's call had been unexpected. The human's worry had been evident, and despite
not having spent much time with her, T'Clev had wanted to help her.
She had wondered at the time
at the intense connection between the commander and Spock. He had acted as if he had given up on
her. She'd appeared to be intensely
involved with Colonel Kerr, committed to him enough to refuse the bond during
the Pon Farr. When the burning had
subsided, Spock and the commander had gone their separate ways. Or so T'Clev had initially thought.
But she had watched them at
the funeral of Spock's mother. Whatever
it was between them had not died. She
had been curious, but not overly so. She
had other things to occupy her. She had
not thought of them again until the comm had come from the commander. The woman had been embarrassed as she
explained their situation. And she had
not wanted to tell T'Clev what had happened in
A mild indiscretion, in
T'Clev's mind. But she had perhaps grown
jaded over the years.
T'Clev looked down at the
scrolls, the temple's most ancient texts.
She had been through the more modern temple works, and there was nothing
about a bond that was not a bond, about a link, a mental connection that worked
in the way the commander had described.
A link between those that were not bondmates. It was unprecedented, this connection, and it
had been strong enough to call across universes. T'Clev found the story of Taillte
fascinating, but found it more compelling that a verified non-esper, as
Commander Chapel claimed to be, could call telepathically to one who was not
her mate.
She'd had to be creative to
gain access to the scrolls. Fortunately,
she had enough seniority to command respect and compliance. She opened the first scroll. If her temple had ever known of such a
strange connection, perhaps it would be here.
The bells rang many times
before she finished the last scroll, rolling it gently and putting it with the
others. There were no answers in the
ancient texts.
She reached over to her comm
unit, input the codes the commander had given her for her private channel. The call was answered immediately.
"T'Clev?" Commander Chapel's voice went up, her hope
evident.
"I am sorry,"
T'Clev said, watching as the commander's face fell. "There is nothing here that will help
your situation." The woman looked
so miserable that T'Clev said, "Perhaps I could contact T'Lar on your
behalf? She may know of something in a
text that I do not have access to."
The commander shook her
head. "I don't think Spock would
want that. We trusted you
because..."
"I understand. And I regret that I could not help
you." T'Clev studied the
woman. "Has it occurred to you that
there may be no answer, no way to turn it off?"
"I don't
understand."
"Perhaps, it is simply
love?" T'Clev could tell from the commander's
expression that this was not a comfort.
"It is not my place to interfere..."
"But?" The commander watched her, hope again in her
eyes. "Interfere away,
T'Clev."
"Perhaps the wisest
course would be to stop fighting it?"
The commander's expression
turned to one of irritation. "Now,
why didn't I think of that? Oh yeah,
because I'm with someone else. Someone I
love."
T'Clev had seen more things
than she cared to admit in her life in the temple, more permutations of love
than many understood. She was constantly
surprised by the rigidity of the Vulcan, and apparently the human mind, when it
came to understanding relationships and the fluid way that attraction flowed
between individuals. "I am not
saying you should leave the colonel."
The commander's eyes
widened. "I think you spent a
little too much time with Commander Penhallon."
T'Clev ignored the dig. "It may be the most logical course of
action."
"Logic has nothing to do
with this. And I doubt that either Spock
or Randall would agree with you."
"Of course, if the idea
does not appeal to you?" T'Clev
thought she saw something flash across the commander's face. It was brief, but she was trained to see
emotion in the blankest of slates. It
was how she judged the Pon Farr's approach in those she helped, and she was
rarely wrong. She was about to say more,
but saw the warning on the commander's face.
She was also a master of knowing when not to push. "It is just a suggestion."
"Thank you...for
searching the records. Live long and
prosper, T'Clev."
"And you as well,
Commander Chapel." T'Clev cut the
connection.
T'Clev stared at the blank
screen for a long moment. A movement at
the doorway caught her eye. T'Kala
stood at the door. The young apprentice
looked nervous. It was her first time
with a client and she had asked T'Clev to watch over her. It was how it was done in the temple, the
older women looking out for the younger, making sure they were prepared to deal
with anything that might happen during the Pon Farr. And anything might happen. It was a volatile time, and Vulcan males were
unpredictable when they burned. The
priestesses' jobs were much more dangerous than most people realized. They would have been even more dangerous if
each priestess didn't keep a small weapon set on maximum stun within reach of
her bed.
T'Clev had only had to use
hers once. She hoped T'Kala never had to
use hers.
"Is he ready?" she
asked.
T'Kala nodded, her
nervousness robbing the movement of any grace.
They would have to work on that, T'Clev decided. In their profession, grace was paramount,
grace and discretion. T'Clev put Spock
and his commander out of her mind, and followed T'Kala to her chambers.
-------------------------------
Christine sensed rather than saw
Spock ahead of her. She had the
impression he was deep in contemplation.
She slowed, considered whether she should disturb him. She needed to tell him that T'Clev had not
been able to help them, but was reluctant to bother him if he was meditating.
*Go to him,* Taillte
whispered in her mind.
*No.* Christine started to turn away.
*He needs you. I will tell him you are here.*
Christine knew there was no
point in trying to stop Taillte. She
heard Spock approaching, looked up and met his gaze, then looked away quickly,
unwilling to decipher the emotion she saw in his eyes.
"Did you need me?"
he asked quietly.
She shook her head. "Taillte," she said, as if that
were an explanation.
He seemed to accept it as
such. "Ah. She has taken an interest in my
well-being. I believe that she wants
something of me that I cannot give."
"Are you so
sure?" She followed him into the
deeper woods; saw that he had put a meditation mat down near the stream.
"Am I sure that she
wants something of me?"
She smiled. "Are you sure that you cannot give
it?"
Their eyes met again, and
this time held.
She nearly gasped at the
intensity of the longing she saw in his.
"Maybe I should go."
She turned away.
He reached out, stopped her, dropping
his hand as soon as she turned back, as if touching her had burned him. "Do not." His voice was ragged.
"This is hurting
you."
He shrugged as if to say,
'What of it?'
"It's hurting me too,
Spock." She looked down. "T'Clev had no answers for us. She checked the temple records. There are no solutions there." She would not tell him about T'Clev's
suggestion.
"I am sorry to hear
that." He swallowed hard.
"We'll just have to
ignore it," she said, even as she could feel his emotion battering at
her. "We can do that. I've made my choice."
"Yes," he said, his
voice was harsh, strained. "I could
feel it."
She stared at him in
horror. "How much could you
feel?"
He looked away. "Enough to know that you and the colonel
have repaired your relationship...fully."
She could feel pain from him,
pain and anger. And jealousy. "I'm sorry."
"I can tell that you
are. It is difficult to lie with this
link"--he practically spat the word at her--"between us."
"I made a choice, the
hardest choice I've ever had to make. I
have to honor it. I want to honor
it."
His expression did not
change. He stared at her as if he could
hold her by the power of his eyes alone.
"Then you must. If it is what
you want, then by all means, take it."
She had never heard his voice
hold such a sharp edge. It cut her,
shattered the icy resolve she was trying to build. "God, Spock, do you think I don't wonder
what might have been? What could still
be?" she asked softly.
He looked away. "I think you do when you are with
me. I think you do not when the colonel
is near." He sighed; the sound was
morose and foreign. With a glance at
her, he turned and walked to the stream.
"The irony is not lost on me, Christine. I could have had you for so long, but I did not
want you. Now that you are the only
thing I want, I cannot have you."
She didn't say anything. Just stood, buffeted by his emotion, unsure
whether to stay or to go.
He looked down at the
stream. "Have you ever waded
barefoot?"
Confused at the question, she
said uncertainly, "Yes."
"I have too. Once.
Long ago." He seemed very
far away. "I used to laugh then
also."
She wondered what that would
have sounded like. "When you were a
child?"
He nodded. "It was frowned upon, of course. I stopped eventually." He leaned over, began to pull off his
sandals. "Some things are out of
reach. It is the way life is. But not everything is lost. I have to believe that."
"You are in a dark mood,
Spock. It is not healthy." She walked over to him, reached out to touch
him.
He pulled away. "Consider what you do, Christine. If you touch me, I will not let you go. Not again."
"I can't touch
you?"
"Not like this. Not here.
Not now."
She let her hand drop. "Do you want me to go?"
He seemed to consider that
for a very long time. Then he shook his
head. "No. Stay."
He stepped into the creek.
His face did not change
expression, but somehow she could read surprise in it. He did not move, but she could almost see a
small boy kicking water joyfully.
*Join him,* she heard Taillte
say.
*I can't. You don't understand what I feel for him.*
*Neither do you,* Taillte
said, and Christine could hear the teasing note in her words. *Someday, dearest. Someday you...both of you...will play here
with
Christine thought she saw
Spock shiver. "Is it cold?"
He nodded as he tentatively
kicked some water onto the bank.
"Very cold?"
"Quite." He stepped quickly back onto the bank, then
turned, seemed to be studying the water.
"Curious. I have spent my
entire life remembering the lost joy of that moment. And now, now that I can recreate it, it is
not the same."
"Things rarely are as
good as we remember them."
He slipped on his sandals,
walked to her. "That may be true of
some things. But for others, the memory
is but a shadow. It can never do the
reality justice." He held out his
hand to her. When she hesitated, he
said, "It is safe now."
She met his eyes, saw that
they were calm, resigned. She laid her
palm on his, and was overwhelmed with the emotions he felt towards her: desire, bitterness, anger, loss, and love.
"Will _that_ ever fade
away, t'hy'la?" he asked.
She pulled her hand away
abruptly, angry that he would use that endearment here, now. "You were right the first time,
Spock. We shouldn't touch."
He shot her a look she
couldn't quite read. "We touch all
the time, Christine. Our minds, our
spirits. The communion between us is there
whether our flesh touches or not. Is
that not the problem we have been discussing?" He turned around, began to gather his
meditation things.
"I made a
choice." Even to her, her voice
sounded weak.
"I am well aware of
that," he said as he walked past her.
Then he turned. "Taillte
speaks to me. Does she speak to
Randall? Does she invite him to
stay?"
Christine felt her expression
grow hard. "That's not fair."
"Few things are,"
he said. "And I will not stay in
any case. I just thought you should
know." He turned and walked away,
leaving her alone in the darkening woods.
-------------------5--------------------
Spock had just made it back
to the shelter he used as an office when he heard a soft knock on the
door. Go away, Christine, he thought
wearily. I am in no state to continue
this discussion. You have made your
choice, and I am not it. I can live with
that...if only you will leave me alone.
The knock came again, firmer
this time. With a smothered sigh, he got
up to open the door. It was not Christine. He stared at Pardek, not believing quite what
he was seeing.
"You look like you've
seen a ghost, Spock." Pardek
smiled. "Aren't you going to invite
an old friend in?"
"I...forgive
me." Spock backed away from the
door.
"Why, you're speechless. My erudite Vulcan friend is
speechless?" Pardek laughed
heartily. "What can I say,
Spock? I was in the neighborhood and
heard about this amazing planet. I
called in some Romulan telepaths and came right over to see what all the fuss
was about. Can't let the Federation have
all the fun, now can I?" His
expression grew serious as he leaned in.
"Especially not when it might give us a chance to discuss even weightier
matters. Matters that we've both had to
table since our fortuitous meeting on Felstrar's Colony. I have replayed those conversations in my
head many times, my brother."
Spock felt an unaccustomed
rush of satisfaction. He and Pardek had
indeed found common ground, wished to find even more. He did consider the man a brother...a long-lost
sibling with whom he now had the chance for reconciliation. For...
"Reunification,"
Pardek said, as if reading his mind.
"A dangerous word, my friend.
Especially with all these telepaths around. Including the planet, if I understand her
true nature correctly? We must be
careful. But I think it was worth the
risk. I have missed our
talks." He leaned back, his eyes
suddenly shooting Spock a warning glance as he said in a much more robust
voice, "I am only here for a few days, Spock. Just long enough to assure my fellow Senators
that we haven't a chance of annexing this world."
There was a knock at the
door.
"Come in," Spock
said, not surprised at the interruption.
Like Pardek, he too had heard the footsteps.
Kerr looked in. "Excuse me, Captain. I was told that we had Romulan
visitors."
Pardek laughed. "Set off the alarms, did we?"
Kerr's expression did not
change. "I'm sure you appreciate
the importance of security, sir."
"Being Romulan, you
mean? Oh, of course I do." Pardek shot Spock an amused look, then turned
back to Kerr. "I'm actually
surprised it took you this long to get down here. I could have done quite a lot of damage in
the meantime." Pardek stood up,
walked over to Kerr. "You might
want to work on that, Colonel."
Pardek turned to Spock, appearing to ignore the way Kerr's expression
tightened. "Will I see you for
dinner then, old friend? Perhaps on my
ship?"
"I shall look forward to
it."
Kerr's voice was firm as he
said, "Sir, security protocols strictly prohibit--"
"--He is tiresome, isn't
he," Pardek said with another secret smile for Spock. "Very well, then we'll dine on your
ship, or here on the planet. Whatever
agrees most with your head of security?
I'll wait for your instructions."
Without, giving Kerr a chance to protest, Pardek pushed past him.
"I suppose you have an
objection, Colonel?" Spock said, once Pardek was out of range.
"If I have to choose
between the scenarios, I prefer the planet," Kerr said, apparently
realizing he wasn't going to be able to talk Spock out of having dinner with
his friend.
"Yes, I imagine you
do." Spock stood up; saw how
tightly Kerr was holding himself.
"At ease, Randall." He
thought of what he had said to Christine about Kerr and Taillte. "Do you like it here?"
"On Taillte?"
Spock nodded.
"Not particularly."
Spock got up, went to the
open door and gestured for Kerr to walk with him. "Why not?"
Kerr seemed to think about
that. "Don't feel all that welcome,
I guess. And the hold it has on some of
us"--they both knew he meant Christine--"has me worried."
"You aren't going to
lose her to the planet." Not when
you didn't lose her to me, Spock thought.
With a look at Kerr's face, he realized that the colonel was thinking
the same thing.
Kerr looked away.
"You appear to have
resolved your differences with Christine."
Spock was unsure why he could not stop pushing the man.
"We're all right."
"Yes." The word spoke volumes.
Kerr stopped walking. "Permission to speak freely, sir?"
"Will it stop you, if I
say no?" Spock said, unable to resist another barb.
"This is none of your
business, Spock."
They stared at each other as
Spock thought of several things that made it very much his business.
Kerr took a deep breath; his
voice was pitched so low even Spock had a hard time hearing it. "I know you love her. I know she loves you. But she loves me too, enough to choose
me. More than once. And I trust that if she and I can get through
these last few weeks, we can weather anything.
Providing, of course, that you leave her the hell alone."
Spock raised an eyebrow. "She is my first officer. And my friend. I cannot leave her the hell alone, as you put
it."
"You know what I
mean. I know you have this weird
bond. I don't know why, and frankly, I
don't want to know. I only know that I
can't seem to make it go away. But I
think that you aren't doing all you can to let it--whatever it is between
you--die down. I think you're still
trying to get her back. Despite what
you've said to me, to her, and probably to yourself. I think that deep down you're never going to
stop trying."
"You are free to leave
the ship." Spock was surprised to
hear those words come out of his mouth.
Surprised, but not entirely sorry.
It was hard for him to reconcile them with how he had argued with Kerr,
convinced the man to stay when Christine was gone. But perhaps that was the essence of their
problem. As long as Christine stood
between them, they would never be anything but rivals.
Kerr seemed to be on the same
track. He didn't even try to keep his
tone that of a subordinate officer.
"I may do that, Spock. But
not until I know she'll go too. In the
meantime, you're stuck with me. And
while I'm here, I'm going to do my job.
And to do my job, I have to tell you that I don't trust Pardek."
"You have some
information on him that you would like to share?" Spock knew that Kerr had access to
information Spock might never see. Knew
also that to get it, Kerr would probably have to explain why he needed it, give
up Spock's interest in the Romulan as reason.
It could hurt Spock; possibly end his career if Starfleet decided they
didn't like his interest in befriending someone from the enemy camp. Spock wondered if Kerr would do that to him.
The answer came when Kerr
looked away. "I have nothing that
you don't already know."
"What I know is that the
Romulan Senator is a friend of mine. You
may think that you can dictate what I do with Christine, but you cannot control
what I do with Pardek. And I strongly
suggest you do not try." And with
that, Spock turned and walked away from Kerr.
-------------------------------------
Nako caught up to Kerr as he
strode angrily across the meadow.
"Was that Pardek I saw?"
She sounded concerned.
He nodded.
"He is staying?"
"Looks like. A few days anyway."
"You can't allow--"
Kerr held up a hand to stop
her. "I've been told to stand down,
Nako. Not much I can do. At least I kept Spock off the Romulan ship."
"Pardek was not supposed
to be here," Nako muttered.
"Not everything runs to
your timetable, Ambassador." She
stared up at him and he realized that she hadn't been aware she was talking
aloud. "Nako, it's not the end of
the world."
She nodded slowly as if what
he said was more than a figure of speech.
"No, it's not. But it is a
surprise. And I do not like
surprises."
He smiled gently. "Then you're in the wrong line of work,
aren't you? Isn't diplomacy full of
surprises?"
She shook her head. "Not the way I practice it,
Randall." She sighed, suddenly
blurted out. "I do not like this
place."
He stared at her. She seemed...off balance. He couldn't remember ever seeing her that
way. "I don't like it much either,
if it makes you feel better."
She laid a hand on his arm;
let him lead her to the shade of the trees.
"It does make me feel better.
Taillte influences too many of our people."
"Is she dangerous?"
Nako considered that far
longer than he would have liked.
"Nako?"
"I'm not sure
yet." As he watched, she seemed to shrink
in on herself. Kerr got the feeling she
wasn't this unsure very often. She
suddenly straightened, patted his hand gently.
"I am a foolish old woman, Randall.
Don't mind me." She pulled
away and walked back toward the shelters.
As he watched her go, Kerr
realized she hadn't called him 'grandson' once.
Something was definitely wrong with her.
He turned into the trees,
deciding to walk off the tension, the extra energy he felt coiling through his
body. As he walked, he could hear
something calling his name.
He ignored it.
The voice got louder, seemed
to taunt him. He stopped, looked up at
the bit of sky that showed through the top of the evergreens. Took a deep breath.
He felt something brush
against him, again heard the voice. He
was tired of it. "Look, Taillte,
you've made it clear you don't like me.
I get that. Now leave me
alone."
He jumped when he suddenly
heard Taillte's soft voice perfectly clear in his mind. *I do like you, Randall. But you still think it's a game. You choose sides.*
"I'm not choosing
sides," he said, stubbornly holding to speech and refusing to try to form
the words in his head.
*But you are. And you're choosing the wrong side.*
"How would you
know?"
Her voice when it came was an
eerie copy of Farrell's, *It's not a game anymore.*
Kerr felt his palms start to
sweat; he wiped them on his pants.
*I have learned much since I
came through the burning to this place.
And I know this. It's not the
_same_ game anymore. Everything has changed,
and not even your 'grandmother' realizes how much.*
Kerr backed away, then felt
Taillte brush against him, and for the first time the touch brought comfort,
not a rush of distaste as before.
"I love her," he whispered, as he thought of Christine's
closeness to the planet, and the apparent understanding Spock had forged with
Taillte. Despite what he had said to
Spock, he wasn't at all sure he was going to be able to hold on to Christine.
*I know you love her. I don't seek to destroy that. What you feel for her is true. I can tell.*
He thought he felt something like regret coming from her when she
touched him again, then she was gone.
----------------------------------------
Carpenter checked the scans
she had run of Penhallon one more time.
She compared them to the baseline she had taken when the crew had first
reported in. If she could believe the
scans, he was as healthy as could be.
But the scans hadn't seen him
last night. Hurrying down to the planet
as if to a lover, a slightly dazed look on his face. It was as if he were in a trance, or some
kind of fog caused by drugs. But the
scans didn't show any foreign agents in his system. Whatever he was feeling, it was natural. She knew that he and Christine had some deep
link to the planet...to the woman that they said that they spoke to and that
was the planet. Carpenter wasn't real
clear on how that worked, and she certainly wasn't going down to Taillte to
find out.
She'd just have to ask
him. "Carpenter to Penhallon."
"Penhallon here."
"Can you come to sickbay
when you have a chance?"
"Is there something
wrong, Doctor?"
"That's what I want to
talk about, Commander," she said, trying to keep her voice casual.
"Very well, I'll be
there shortly."
"Thanks." She cut the connection, leaned back, and
thought of how both he and Christine had looked when they'd been beamed up from
the planet, in pain and sure they were wounded.
Whatever their connection was with Taillte, it was strong enough to
cause them to evidence symptoms. Both Ritsuko and Kerr had said they'd seen,
and felt, real blood. She shook her
head. It just didn't seem healthy,
whatever was going on. Christine seemed
to be managing better. She spent less
time on the planet, more time on the ship living her life than Penhallon was
doing. The planet was his life, as far
as Carpenter could see. And that was so
unlike him. If she hadn't seen the DNA
scans, she'd suspect they had an imposter aboard.
She saw the sickbay doors
open, watched as Penhallon walked through the room, headed for her office. Several nurses tried to catch his eye. He ignored them. Carpenter had caught snatches of their
conversation earlier in the day. One of
them had asked, "So what's with Penhallon these days?" She wished she had stopped to ask them what
they meant. But she was getting the idea
just by watching his progress through sickbay.
"Well, I'm here,"
he said, as he walked into her office.
"What's so important?"
"How are you feeling,
Stephen?"
"Fine." He shot her a tired look. "You didn't call me down here to find out
how I'm feeling, Doctor. So why don't
you just say what you have to say, and be done with it? I have two days off coming up and a lot of
work yet to finish."
"Very well, let's talk
about those days off."
He exhaled loudly. "What's this about, Delynn?"
"Just curious."
"Bored and playing
ship's counselor, you mean?"
"Humor me,
Commander. Where are you going to spend
the days off?"
"On the planet. That's where most of the crew spend their
days off." He leaned forward.
"But you don't, do you? Why don't
you like Taillte?"
"I don't like or dislike
it."
"Her," he
corrected. Then he frowned. "I don't understand."
"I haven't been down
there yet." She sighed. This was not going well. "I'll be honest with you. I'm worried about the connection you've got
with Taillte. I'm worried about what
it's...she's doing to you."
"What she's _doing_ to
me?"
She nodded.
"She's not doing
anything to me. I've never felt
better." He shot her a confused if
exasperated look.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"When was the last time
you went out on a date?"
His eyes opened very
wide. "A date?"
"That's what I
said."
"I just haven't heard
that word for a while."
"Well, whatever you want
to call it when you get together with a woman for drinks or dinner or--"
"I get the
picture." He sounded offended.
She couldn't imagine the
Stephen Penhallon she'd seen in action being offended. "Well?"
"Doctor Carpenter, I
fail to see how this is any of your business."
"You spend every off
duty moment on the planet, you have some unexplained connection with said
planet, a connection strong enough to make you evidence symptoms when the
planet was hurt. You appear to have
suffered a personality change, you aren't interested in things that you used to
do, and you seem to be keeping to yourself quite a bit."
"That's not true. I spend time with Ritsuko."
"Yes, you've been very
good to her. I've noticed you looking
out for her. But aside from Ritsuko, who
have you been spending time with?"
He didn't answer, just stared
at her.
"It's not healthy,
Commander."
"Prove to me that it's
not."
She thought of the scans
again. "I can't give you physical
proof. But there are emotional disorders
that don't manifest any sort of physiological symptoms."
"Let me see if I
understand you, Doctor. You think I'm
emotionally disturbed because I'm not sleeping with every woman I meet and
because I like to explore one of the most beautiful planets I've ever seen--and
I've seen a lot of fascinating planets.
Is that what you're saying?"
"You're twisting my
words."
"You're twisting my
actions to suit your diagnosis."
"I'm not going to argue
with a diplomat. I'll only lose."
He put his hands flat on her desk,
leaned in. "Then why am I
here?" He glared at her. "Are you going to suspend me from
leisure time? Make me stay on the ship
and work around the clock?"
"I doubt that Commander
Chapel would let me. I just want you to
take a look at what's going on. You're a
valuable member of this crew, Commander.
And as a section head, you set an example for others. It's important that if something's wrong, we
take steps to fix it, before it becomes an even bigger problem."
He didn't say anything, just
pushed himself off her desk. "I
appreciate your concern, Doctor. But
there's nothing to worry about."
"I hope you're right,
Commander."
He smiled tightly. "Is this the point where you say that
you'll be watching me?"
She nodded.
"Watch away, then. There's nothing wrong with me."
"Again, I hope you're
right." She watched him walk
out. The set of his shoulders let her
know just how angry he was with her. She
wondered momentarily if she had overstepped her authority. Then she thought of how different he was
acting. While it was an improvement over
the old Penhallon, it was still a significant personality shift. If it was anyone else, she'd be running to
the counselors. She still could refer
his case to them. She thought of his
face as he'd glared down at her. He was
either in deep denial, or there really wasn't a problem. Sighing, she cleared his scans off the
screen. She hoped, for his sake that it
was the latter.
-----------------------------------------
Troi sat near the stream, enjoying
his last day of leave. He relaxed,
letting the cool breeze blow over him.
*Andrew,* Taillte whispered.
He smiled. He could understand Stephen's infatuation
with the planet. Taillte's touch was
wonderful. Intoxicating. She'd been talking to him a lot. He found her fascinating.
*Andrew, will you stay?*
He forgot to breathe, was
sure he'd misunderstood her. *Stay?* he sent to her.
*Yes, stay with me. Stay here.
Be my ambassador?*
He hadn't misunderstood
her. *But Stephen--*
*I will handle Stephen. Will you stay?*
Andrew realized he'd closed
his eyes and opened them slowly. *Why
me?*
*You will look out for
me. You will look out for yourself.*
He thought about that. Thought about the way Stephen seemed to be
sinking more and more into his relationship with Taillte. How nothing else seemed to matter to
him. *I will stay apart?*
*Yes. Apart.
You will be objective. Consider
it,* she said, then he felt her presence abruptly disappear.
"My god. She's talking to you, isn't she?" Elaine Wynter did not sound pleased.
He looked up at her. She was standing over him, hands on her hips,
anger causing her cheeks to redden attractively. They reddened even more as she seemed to
sense his attraction.
"Why you? You're nothing. You have no skill. We're all here for her, the best telepaths in
the Federation, and she picks yet another dilettante from the Carter to make
her new friend?"
"Maybe she doesn't want
anything to do with a bitch like you!"
Stephen immediately wished he could take the words back.
Elaine stared at him, a
strange expression on her face. Then she
started to snicker. "That sounded
so wrong coming from you, Commander."
He looked away. "It didn't feel very good
either." He pulled up a clump of
grass, then felt immediately bad.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Taillte," he said aloud, as he tried to push
the grass back into the soil. "I
didn't mean it."
Elaine was standing with a
faraway look on her face, then she refocused, and smiled. The expression transformed her face. Troi found he couldn't look away.
"I heard her...just
now."
He smiled. "I'm glad."
She looked down at him. "You are, aren't you?"
He shrugged. "I'm stupid that way."
"Yeah, you kind of
are." She sat down next to
him. "You think you hurt her."
He nodded. "I didn't mean to though."
Elaine reached out, touched
his arm. "She says it's okay, that
she's getting used to us being here. I
never thought that having us around would be painful to her. But she seems to think we're worth the price." Elaine shook herself a bit, then smiled
softly. "It's so wonderful to be
finally talking to her. She...she likes
us. That's why she's willing to put up
with the discomfort we bring. Besides,
she knows you were just being dumb and thoughtless." At the end, she sounded like the old Elaine.
"You're not very
nice." He moved away slightly.
She sighed. "And this is me trying to be nice."
"Really?"
She nodded.
"Maybe you should try
harder?"
She glared and he turned
away. Then he heard her gasp, and he
looked over at her.
"She wants you to
stay?" Her eyes were unfocused
again. "She does. She wants you to stay. To speak for her."
He looked away again.
"Oh no." Elaine sounded truly distressed.
"What is it?"
"She wants me to stay
too." She groaned. "With you."
He groaned too.
She glared at him again. "You could at least pretend to like the
idea."
"Why? You aren't?"
"But I'm the rude
one. I don't have to be nice."
"Lucky you." He got up, began to walk away, realized that
she was following him. "What are
you doing?"
"I'm staying with
you."
"Well, I don't want you
to."
She smiled; it was not a
sweet expression. "Oh, yes you
do."
"I don't like you in the
least."
"Now, that I
believe," she said, as she took his arm, and wrapped her hand around
it. "Taillte wants us to play nice
and I intend to oblige her, Commander. I
want to stay here."
"You do?"
"On the planet, you
dimwit. Not with you."
"Oh." He hated his disappointment.
"If I have to pretend to
like you, then I'll do that."
*She does like you,* Taillte
murmured.
"I do not," Elaine
said aloud, then turned to him in shock.
"Oh, I meant to think that."
"You're slipping,"
Troi said, putting his hand over hers, keeping her from pulling away. "You heard Taillte. She says you like me."
She rolled her eyes. "What does she know? She chose you."
The disbelief in her voice
only reinforced the worry he was already feeling. He wondered if Taillte knew what she was
doing?
Suddenly, Elaine's hand
tightened on his arm. "I'm
sorry. That was mean of me."
He pulled away from her. "No.
It wasn't. Well, yes, maybe it
was. But you're right." He backed up a few paces, putting some
distance between them. "I'm nothing
special. Never have been. I'm a popular guy, but never the one that
people see first. I'm not someone that's
actually chosen for anything this important."
She moved closer. "But Captain Spock chose you for the
Carter."
"Starfleet probably
suggested me and he just said fine."
She smiled then, a much more
tender expression than he'd seen.
"I've met the man, Andrew.
And he thinks highly of you. I
know he does, because it irritated me."
She grinned. "He chose
you. I'm sure of it."
He took a step closer, realized
she'd just called him by his first name.
"Is this you being nice?"
She nodded. "Is it working?"
He smiled. "Maybe." Slowly, he held his arm out to her.
She put her hand on his arm,
allowed him to pull her closer. "We
might be able to pull this off."
"We might," he
agreed.
"Just don't get any
ideas," she said, even as she moved a bit closer.
"I'll be a perfect
gentleman," he teased, but he knew it was true. He'd never been anything but and it had
gotten him nowhere so far.
Her fingers tightened, almost
sympathetically, as if she knew what he was thinking.
He suddenly realized she
probably did know what he was thinking.
"Do you?" he asked.
"Know what I'm thinking?"
"I wasn't aware you did
think," she said, but for once her tone was more teasing than
blistering. "I'm afraid I can pick
up the more weighty of your emotions."
"Oh." He tried to not enjoy the feel of her fingers
on his arm. Tried not to react when she
tightened her grip again.
"Don't worry about it,
Andrew. I know this is just for
Taillte," she said in a soft voice.
And thank god for her, Andrew
thought, as he said just as gently, "Of course. It's just for Taillte."
*You will stay?* the planet
asked, the note of satisfaction in her voice making it clear she already knew
the answer.
*_We_ will stay,* Andrew
said, as he forced himself not to look over at Elaine. He wondered if Taillte was asking her the
same thing.
----------------6-----------------------
Pardek poured himself another
glass of wine, then leaned back against the wall of the shelter. "So this is our only night, Spock. My government has told me in no uncertain
terms to come back."
Spock nodded.
"And you are very
distracted. What is it?"
Spock looked up, realized
what he was doing. "I beg pardon,
Pardek."
"Don't beg pardon,
Spock. Tell me what's bothering
you?"
"It is nothing."
Pardek shot him a skeptical
look. "In my experience, when it is
nothing, it is either a woman or money troubles. Since I know your family is rich as sin, I'm
going to assume it's a woman."
Pardek frowned. "A Vulcan
with woman troubles? Just a bit out of
the ordinary, isn't it?"
"I am half human,"
Spock said, hoping to divert Pardek from his questioning.
"And you blame your
troubles on that?"
Spock knew that if had to
blame one side of his heritage, it should probably be the Vulcan one. It was the more likely to have spawned the
troublesome link between Christine and him, certainly it was behind the Pon Farr
that had started them down this road.
"I did not say that I had any troubles."
"That, my friend, is an
evasion." Pardek poured Spock
another glass of wine. "Drink
up. I'm hoping the wine will loosen your
tongue so that you'll tell me what's bothering you. I hate guessing."
"I can think of more
pleasant topics on which we could converse," Spock countered.
"More pleasant, and more
dangerous, Spock. With all these
psychics around? Your ship would have
been more secure."
"Hardly that, with my
chief of security dogging your every move." Spock found Pardek's sudden discretion
surprising; the Romulan had been far less cautious on Felstrar's Colony.
Pardek looked up at the
mention of Kerr. "He's a good man,
very loyal. You need men like
that."
Spock did not answer.
"You don't agree, Spock? I should think that you would value such a
stalwart officer."
"I do value
him." Spock tried not to imagine
Kerr with Christine. "The colonel
is an excellent officer."
"But?"
"There is no but. He is an excellent officer."
Pardek looked disappointed
for a moment, then he leaned in and held up his glass. "To unification."
Spock frowned. Pardek was acting strangely tonight. "I thought you were concerned about
being overheard?"
Pardek seemed to realize what
he had said. "I'm sorry, Spock. There's a buzzing in my ear that won't go
away. I noticed it when I beamed down
the first time too. Do you not hear it? A high-pitched whine. Most annoying."
"I hear nothing out of
the ordinary." Spock set down his
wine glass. "Perhaps you should have
your ears checked, it may be an infection."
"There is nothing wrong
with my ears, Spock." Pardek
sounded irritated. "I don't hear
the noise except when I am on this planet."
*Taillte?* Spock called. *Taillte are you doing this?* There was no answer. He looked at Pardek. "Then it may be the planet that is doing
it. She is most capricious."
"Don't know why she'd
pick on me. Unless she has some sort of
grudge against Romulans?"
"Not that I know
of," Spock murmured. But then, how
much did he know of Taillte? Other than
what she wanted him to know? He knew
that she had claimed one of his best officers as her ambassador. Spock had been surprised when Troi had told
him that he wanted to stay. Starfleet
Command, on the other hand, had been delighted that the planet had chosen one
of its own as her mouthpiece.
Pardek suddenly stood
up. "If I'm to have so little time
here, I should like to see the planet.
Unless that would bother your colonel?"
"I do not know why it
would." Spock led Pardek out of the
building. The sun was just setting and
the sky was the vivid red that would have been the color of
"Beautiful," Pardek
said, as he followed Spock's gaze.
"Hard to believe that you will allow the entire planet to stand empty,
with this much wealth to be gained."
Spock shot him a look. "The planet will determine her own
development." His voice was curter
than he intended. He tried to soften his
words. "It is an unusual
situation. To be able to speak with her,
to hear her speak back. There is no
precedent for this. The settlers will
have to learn as they go."
"Walk gently,
Spock? I didn't realize that you were
such an environmentalist." He
grinned.
Spock sensed an edge to the
man's words. "You, I take it, are not?"
"Oh, I admire nice
scenery as much as anyone, Spock. But
I'm a pragmatist. And sometimes other
concerns come first. It is prudent. Even logical."
"It is not logical to
destroy the very world that supports you."
"True, and it is too
often the way of things. How many
planets do you see that are like this?"
He gestured to indicate the trees, the sky. "And how many have been laid waste? I know that you remember Praxis?"
Spock looked down. The Klingons had known that Praxis was a
catastrophe waiting to happen, yet nothing had been done. Until that fateful day, when the moon had
blown itself apart, leaving the Empire reeling and finally ready to discuss
peace.
For a moment, his mind
strayed to Valeris, then shied away. He
would not think of her. She was dead to
him. Spock realized that Pardek had
started walking and hurried to catch up.
He was beginning to dislike the ability Taillte had to distract
him. He would be relieved to get off the
planet. He hoped that some of his
preoccupation with his own emotions and relationships would abate once he was
back on the ship and out of Taillte's sphere of influence.
*No!* Taillte's voice roared through his mind, and
for a moment, he thought she was reacting to his thoughts. Only he could not imagine how his simple
statement could provoke the level of rage he felt from her.
*Taillte?*
*Stop it!* she screamed
again. And as her voice died, the planet
began to shake.
*Taillte, no!* Spock saw Penhallon running toward him. "Commander?"
"Get Kerr, sir. I think Taillte's caught something...or
someone."
Spock pulled out his
communicator. "Spock to Kerr."
"Kerr here."
"We have trouble down
here. I am unsure of the exact
circumstances." Spock started out
after Penhallon, nearly forgetting about Pardek until he realized the man was
following him.
"I'll be right
down."
A few moments later, Kerr and
Collins caught up with them. They were
both well armed. Kerr took in Pardek's
presence, seemed about to say something and then apparently thought better of
it.
"Chris heard her
scream," he said.
"From the ship?"
Spock asked. At Kerr's nod, he wondered
what could have enraged the planet to such an extent.
Collins, who was managing to
read a tricorder while running full out, said, "Sir, this shaking. We have at least five off-duty personnel
exploring the caves that are in danger.
*Taillte, you must stop the
earthquake. You are endangering my
crew.*
Nothing.
*Taillte, you will kill
innocent people.*
The shaking stopped. Penhallon stopped running, turned to look at
him. "Sir, whoever is doing this to
her is in the same cave as last time."
Spock pulled out his
communicator. "Spock to medical
transporter room."
"Atkins here, sir."
"Do you remember the
coordinates you beamed those geologists out from?"
"Yes, sir."
Spock winced as Taillte
screamed again. Penhallon bent over
double, clutching his stomach. Spock saw
blood appear around his hands.
"They're taking so
much...more than last time," Penhallon gasped.
"Beam whoever is in
there directly to our coordinates."
"Aye, sir."
A moment later the miners
appeared all of them holding laser drills, and one of them, apparently not
realizing he was no longer in the cave, sent a long blast into the ground
beneath him.
Taillte's scream was
instantaneous. So was the tree branch
that suddenly plunged into the man's back, impaling him against the
ground. When they reached him, he was
still alive...briefly.
The other miners backed away,
eying the trees overhead warily.
"Major," Spock said
quietly.
Collins stepped forward. "Stop right there." Once the miners were still, he pulled out his
communicator and requested beam up to the brig.
"Dilithium
poachers," Kerr said. "We've thrown
a dozen off the planet already."
"It would appear that
these slipped past your security measures," Pardek said neutrally.
Kerr nodded, his jaw set in a
tight line. "But not past
Taillte's." He walked over to where
the miner lay impaled. "Wait a
minute. I've seen this one. With the telepaths."
Spock joined him by the
fallen man. "Yes, I have seen him in camp as well."
Pardek came up behind
him. "Not a pretty death.".
"You are an expert on
death, Senator?" Kerr asked, an odd note in his voice.
Pardek shrugged. "Most Romulans are, Colonel. We live a harsh life. If you had ever been to
Spock looked over at the two
men. He had the impression that Pardek
was baiting Kerr, that he knew something more about the man than he was letting
on.
Kerr, on the other hand,
didn't seem much affected by Pardek's words.
"
Spock looked over at his
chief of protocol. He did seem
dazed.
"She killed,"
Penhallon whispered.
"I'm not sure she meant
to," Kerr said in encouragement.
Penhallon seemed to snap out
of his fog. "She didn't mean
to. They wouldn't stop, not even when
she tried talking to them. And it
hurt...so bad. They just kept drilling,
even the shaking didn't make them stop.
In the caves...in the caves it hurt so much worse than anywhere else. When he drilled again, she just reacted
without thinking. Blind
instinct." He turned away from them
slowly, a strange look on his face.
Spock turned to see what he
was looking at, realized Nako was standing at the edge of the clearing. She was staring at the body, her expression
an odd mixture of satisfaction and sadness.
Then she turned on her heel and disappeared into the trees.
Penhallon had the unfocused
look that he and Christine wore when they were deep in conversation with
Taillte.
"Commander, what is she
saying?" Spock prodded gently.
He looked at Spock, his eyes
clearing. "So much regret. I think she went a little mad because of the
pain."
Spock considered the force
that would have been necessary to pin a man to the ground. "I think you are correct,
Commander."
"She feels guilty,
sir. I guess that's something her new
ambassador will have to work out with her." Penhallon kicked gently at the ground.
Spock wondered if he was
trying to send Taillte a message. It was
clear he didn't agree with the planet's choice of representation. "I was surprised that she did not choose
you."
Penhallon nodded. "Me too.
Guess I'm too close. Or
something. I'm not real clear on that
despite the fact that she's tried to explain it to me several times. Maybe I'm just not listening." He shook his head.
"I am sorry. It is painful to be denied what you
want."
Penhallon looked up at him,
surprise showing in his face. Then he
glanced over at where Kerr was working.
"I guess you do understand."
He shook his head as if in bitter amusement at their folly and walked
away.
Spock realized that Pardek
had been listening. He turned to the
Romulan. "We should continue our
walk. Somewhere else."
"And let the good
colonel get on with his investigation?
By all means, Spock."
"Just one moment and we
can proceed." Spock walked over to
Kerr, motioning for Pardek to stay where he was. "I remember being introduced to this
man. He represented himself as an
Oldefarii."
Kerr studied the man on the
ground. "He looks
Oldefarii." He knelt down, began to
worry at one of the small protrusions that crusted the man's head. It seemed solid. Then Kerr moved so that only he and Spock
could see what he was doing. He reached
down with both hands, seemed to be unsealing something at the base of the man's
spine. He flicked at one of the bumps
again, and it came off in his hand. He
looked up at Spock. "Then again,
looks can be deceiving." He
examined the bump. "These would
probably have held up under autopsy."
"Yet you knew exactly
how to extract them. Does that mean what
I think it does?"
Kerr nodded, careful with his
words. "This section of skin looks
familiar."
Spock considered that. "Why would they?"
Kerr shrugged. "I don't know." He reached down, pushed the protrusion back
into the man's head, and did something else with his hands. Then he looked up again. "He's Oldefarii again. Safer that way."
"Safer for us?"
Kerr nodded. "And for them. We don't want them to feel threatened. I'm going to try to find out what's going on. But I'll have to do it in a way that won't
attract attention. I'm going to need
some time alone with the body."
Spock nodded. "Do what you must." He turned away, then turned back. "Do not involve Christine."
Kerr looked at him, clearly
startled. "I hadn't planned
to."
Spock tried to
backtrack. "I only meant for access
to the morgue. I will ensure that you
have any accesses you need."
Kerr grinned. "Spock, I appreciate the help, but there
aren't a lot of places on the ship that I don't have access to."
"And I should know that by
now." Spock found his own mouth
turning up slightly. It was hard for him
to accept that he could enjoy and respect a man that he resented in nearly
equal measure. "I'll leave you then
to your hunting."
Kerr nodded, already turning
back to the body.
---------------------------
Nako watched unseen from the
woods as Kerr and his marines tried to pull the tree branch from the dead
man. "Are you ever going to let go
of him, Taillte? He is well and truly
dead."
Nako could feel a shimmer in
the air, a freshness as Taillte leaned against her, watched the man she had
destroyed.
"I killed," Taillte
whispered, her voice sounded as if she was in shock.
"I told you it was only
a matter of time. The manner of execution
was a bit extreme, but I'd say you had cause." She turned, was suddenly uncomfortable at how
close Taillte was standing to her.
"I'm sure that Spock will see that the story is widely disseminated
throughout the Federation. You were fair
game when you were helpless. But now...I
doubt that many will want to take you on, given the possibly very dire
consequences."
"But no one will want to
stay." Taillte's voice was so full of misery that Nako almost felt sorry
for her.
"Don't be foolish. More people than ever will want to stay, if
they know that you can protect them."
She moved aside, then stepped a few paces away, so that she had some
breathing room. "Just prove that
you aren't capricious, aren't dangerous.
That you punish only those things that are truly an abomination. You'll need some decent laws."
"Laws." Taillte sounded dejected.
"So long as it harms
none, do what ye will, has been a popular one through the ages," Nako
said.
"You mock me,
Ts'its'tsi'nako?"
"Of course not, Taillte. I just seek to give historical
perspective. If you prefer, there is do
unto others as you would have them do unto you."
"Stop it. Stop the gloating. You think that now that I have killed, that I
am just like you."
Nako could feel her
expression harden. "You are nothing
like me, little girl." She saw
Taillte's expression change from one of anger to a darker one of pure hatred.
Taillte practically spat the
words at her. "My day is at hand,
old woman. And your day. Your day is over. You have gone too far. Played with too many lives." She turned, looked at Kerr as he was trying
fruitlessly to free the body. "I
will answer for this," she said to Nako.
"I will answer for every single life I take."
"Answer? Answer to whom?" Nako laughed, made it a mocking, cynical
sound. "You are such a child. We make our own way. If you haven't figured that out yet, then you
are denser than I thought." She
moved closer, unwilling to let Taillte know how much she unnerved her. "Free that body, girl. This is becoming macabre."
"Randall," Taillte
whispered, and Nako saw Kerr's head shoot up.
"Randall, back away. I will
help you."
Kerr moved back, and then the
limb began to pull back, off the ground, toward the tree.
Taillte whispered, "You will
have to pull him off, Randall."
He eased the body off the
limb, which then straightened the rest of the way, moving back to its original
position.
"You call me
macabre," Taillte whispered.
"I am not the ghoul here."
She grinned, a knowing, secretive grin that Nako did not
understand. "But soon you will be
gone."
"Yes. And I take my granddaughter with me."
Taillte turned back, smiled
that smile again.
Nako felt her hackles rise.
"She may surprise you,
Ts'its'tsi'nako. She may well be the hand
of judgment."
Nako could not keep the scorn
from showing on her face.
"Judgment?"
Taillte laughed, the sound
one of pure, innocent delight. Then she
began to spin, slowly, in some kind of simple, joyful dance. As she spun, she became less tangible, her
form slowly disappearing.
Nako waited till she was gone
before heading back to the camp. As she
passed Kerr covering up the body, Nako nodded in satisfaction. She might not like Taillte, but she was glad
that she had learned to defend herself. She could truly become one of the watchers
now. And those who watched were
important. Nako had ever been one, had
done much in order to preserve what she valued.
And she would do it again.
She heard Taillte in her
mind. Bubbling laughter that suddenly
turned sinister as Taillte asked, *Have you really never considered that
someone might be watching _us_?*
-----------------------------------------
Penhallon walked slowly
through the camp. He had spent the day
visiting his favorite spots. Now it was
time to leave. Time to say goodbye. To Taillte.
And to his best friend.
He didn't want to lose either
of them.
Troi was waiting for
him. "I don't know what to say,
Stephen. I thought it would be you
staying."
"That makes two of
us."
Troi held out his hand.
Penhallon took it, used it to
pull his friend to him for a quick hug.
"Take care of yourself, Andrew." He pulled away, looked around for one last
look at the camp. Saw a blond woman
watching him. "Is that her?"
"Yeah, that's
Elaine."
"Quite a looker. Is she nice?"
"Not very." Troi smiled somewhat sheepishly at
Penhallon's expression. "But she's
getting better."
"Or else you're just
getting used to her?"
Troi shrugged.
Penhallon laughed. "You'll have Taillte, anyway. No matter what, she'll be there for you."
Troi nodded, and as he
watched his friend's face, his expression sobered. "I'm sorry."
Penhallon just nodded. "Okay, I've got to go be unbearably
sentimental. And I have to do it alone
or it will ruin my reputation. Although
I have it on good authority that it's already ruined." He touched Troi briefly on the arm. "I'll miss you."
Troi swallowed, tried to say
something, but settled for nodding.
Penhallon turned and walked
away. He closed his eyes, let Taillte
guide him for the last time. I'll never
belong like this again, he thought.
Never feel this secure.
He walked for over an hour,
finally ending up in the clearing he and Christine had first landed in when
they'd been ripped from their own universe into Taillte's. The patch of raw dirt still stood out, the
sandy brown ground stark against the green grass that surrounded it.
*So this is goodbye,* he sent
to Taillte.
*Yes.*
*Any parting words of
wisdom?* he joked.
She was not joking when she answered. *Watch out for Christine and,* her tone
turned ominous, *watch out for Nako.*
*Nako?*
*Yes, Nako. Your 'grandmother' may not be all she
seems. But you have always known
that. If you search your heart, Stephen,
you'll see that I am right.*
He didn't want to search his
heart. His heart was breaking. Taillte was sending him away; she would
forget him.
Her love brushed across his
thoughts. *You and Christine were my
first. You are special. The most special. I will not forget either of you. Ever.*
*But to find this. To find it and have it taken
away...twice.* He turned away.
*You'll be back. Never fear, beloved.* She materialized in front of him, the way she
had in his dream in the other universe.
"You'll be back."
He had never heard her voice,
really heard it with his ears not just his mind. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. He drank in the sight of her, then as she
moved nearer, closed his eyes. He felt
her wrap her arms around him and the feeling of love, of acceptance, was almost
unbearable. He wanted to beg her not to
make him go. But he didn't. Instead, when she finally pulled away, he
took out his communicator and said, "Carter, one to beam up."
She smiled sadly at him, then
slowly disappeared.
"Goodbye," he whispered,
as the transporter took him.
The ship seemed very sterile,
very cold as he headed to his quarters.
He passed Troi's room, his friend's name no longer showing on the
nameplate. He swallowed hard and walked a
little faster. Once in his quarters, he
tried to busy himself with reports and correspondence, but could not get his
mind to focus.
All he wanted to do was call
out to Taillte. And it was the very
thing he must not do. He was moving
on. He had to let go.
The door chimed and he hurried
to it, thinking maybe it was Christine, torn by the same emotions at leaving
the planet behind. It wasn't Christine.
"Doctor. This is a surprise. I don't believe you've ever dropped in
before."
"I haven't,"
Carpenter said with a smile.
"Yet, here you
are."
"I thought you might
need some company."
"Company?"
"As in me," she
said, as if to a slow child. She held up
a bottle of wine. "It's the real
deal."
"Dry, I hope?"
"Of course."
"Who am I to pass up the
real deal?" He moved aside to let
her pass. "Come on in."
She carried the wine over to
the small galley area, searched the cabinets until she found the glasses. "Corkscrew?" she asked, without
looking up.
"Second drawer to the
left."
She found it and opened the
wine expertly. He noticed that she had
set something else down by the wine bottle.
"What's that?"
She smiled again, this time a
somewhat sheepish look. "It's an
apology."
"What for?" he
asked, as he walked over and took the glass she offered him.
"I was overzealous. And...harsh."
"You were a little
harsh," he said, as he tasted the wine.
"It's good."
She nodded. "It's my favorite Chardonnay. I thought I'd share."
"Nice of you," he
said, refusing to commit more until he was sure why she was here. He looked again at the package. "So, that's an apology?"
She handed it to him. "See for yourself."
He ripped away the package;
saw that it was a small holostill platform.
He pushed the button on the back and suddenly a small holo-image of the
iris fields sprang up. He looked up at
Carpenter in question.
"I decided it wasn't
fair of me to say that what you felt about the planet was wrong when I hadn't
even been down there to see for myself.
Holo-photography is a hobby of mine.
I just dragged the camera with me out of habit. But once I got down there, I was glad I'd
brought it with me."
"You liked the
planet?"
She nodded. "I liked the planet." Again the sheepish smile. "And Ritsuko said to go to the iris
field. That it was one of the places you
two went a lot. I took quite a few of
these there. When I was looking at them
later, I started thinking that you might like a permanent reminder."
"It's beautiful,
Delynn. I don't know what to say."
She grinned, took a sip of
her wine as if she was embarrassed. "That's
not the only one. Hit the button
again."
He did and the scene changed
to the caverns he had discovered.
"Christine told me about
that place. It's amazing. There's one more."
He pushed again and a forest
scene replaced the caverns. It looked so
much like the place where he had just said goodbye to Taillte that he was
speechless.
"I guess you like it,
huh?" she said, sounding very pleased.
He nodded. Blinked a couple of times.
"So, anyway, I'm
sorry. It's a beautiful planet. And if you were actually talking to
it...her...whichever, then I guess that would only make it lovelier. And not scary. I shouldn't have judged without any
evidence."
He nodded acceptance of her
apology. "And my newly monastic
tendencies? Those don't still worry
you?"
"Well, I'm getting a
little tired of hearing the nurses bemoan your lack of interest. But maybe I jumped to a conclusion that
wasn't quite right."
He looked down. "Taillte told me to find another
way."
"What does that
mean?"
"I think she thought I
needed to stop thinking with my gonads."
Carpenter laughed out loud.
"At least, I hope that's
what she meant. I'd hate to think I'd
turned over a new leaf if all she meant was I should comb my hair a different
way or something similarly trite."
"It's not as if I know
her, or even talked to her, but it's probably a good interpretation to think
that she might have meant what you thought she meant..." she trailed off
uncertainly.
"And I actually
understood that sentence." He
grinned at her, then turned the image back to the iris field, staring at it for
a long time. "Thank you,
Delynn. This is the best apology I've
ever had."
Carpenter took her wine and
sat down in one of the chairs in the living area. "So, your best friend just transferred
off the ship. And you appear to have
sworn off dating. What are you going to
do with yourself, Stephen?"
"A life of contemplative
study?"
She exhaled
dismissively. "You'd be bored in a
week."
"I could devote myself
to the betterment of all species."
She shot him a skeptical
look.
"Well, I guess I don't
know. I suppose I'll concentrate on work
for a while and see what occurs to me when I'm off duty." He chuckled, the sound just a soft escape of
air. "Of course, as you've pointed
out, I used to spend quite a lot of that time with Andrew or one of my female
acquaintances. I guess that I'm going to
have to find a new friend, Doctor."
She leaned back. "You know, I was thinking the very same
thing. Christine's been awfully
preoccupied lately."
He nodded knowingly.
"And
Renata...well."
"Yeah."
They both looked down,
uncomfortable with speaking so frivolously about the dead.
"I thought maybe you
might want to..." She frowned
suddenly. "Well, I don't know
exactly what I meant to say there."
He laughed. "Neither do I, but I know what you
probably weren't offering." He
leered at her dramatically.
"Oh, not on your
life."
They both busied themselves
with drinking wine. When he peeked over
the glass to look at her, he caught her doing the same thing. She looked away quickly. He realized that he'd never noticed what an
attractive shade of red her hair was. It
set off her pale skin nicely. "What
color are your eyes?"
She sounded surprised at the
question. "They're gray."
"Hmmm." Very pretty eyes, he decided.
"Why hmmm?"
"No reason. Just hmmm." He took another sip, decided that it was very
good wine. "So you're lonely?"
"I didn't say I was
lonely."
"Yes, you sort of
did."
She looked away. "The opportunity to discuss medicine
abounds on this ship."
"How exciting. Don't you ever play?"
She smiled. "Can you see Doctor Moorehouse
playing?"
He thought about that. He really couldn't. "I suppose Doctor Redmoon's a bit busy
playing with Kavall."
She nodded.
"Well, Delynn, it does
sound like you could use a friend as much as I could." He held out his glass. "To friends, then?"
She leaned forward, touched
his glass with hers. "To
friends."
He smiled, was about to say
"And more" but caught himself.
He studied his wine, then looked up at her. She was watching him curiously.
"I'm glad you're
here. Tonight...tonight was hard,"
he said.
"The old Stephen would
be in Three-Forward right now. Chatting
up an attractive woman or two. Or five."
"Four was my
limit." He laughed. "You know, I'm actually not sure where
he went."
Her eyes were gentle as she
said, "Oh, I bet he's still in there.
Just not in charge anymore."
"But who is?"
She smiled. "I don't know. But I think it'll be interesting to find
out."
He laughed. "You may not like what you
discover."
"I'll risk it. Friends don't have to like everything about
each other, do they?"
"I guess not." He got up to pour more wine and asked,
"So, are you hungry?"
"Starved."
"Stay for dinner?"
"I'd be delighted."
"Stay for
breakfast?" he asked, glad to hear a trace of the old Stephen in his
voice.
"Don't push your
luck," she said with a laugh.
"Can't blame a guy for
trying," he said, as he ordered up some food from the replicator. He shot a look over at her. She had kicked off her shoes and tucked her
feet up. She looked very relaxed curled
in his chair, like she belonged there.
To his surprise, Penhallon
found he wasn't uncomfortable with that idea at all.
------------------7------------------------
Spock was just leaving his
quarters when his private channel commed.
It was Kerr. "Sir, could you
come to my office."
"I will be right there,
Colonel."
"Deck nine," he told
the lift, walking swiftly to Kerr's office.
Collins was just leaving his
office as Spock rang for entry.
"Good night, sir," he called as he headed for the lift.
"Good night,
Major." Spock replied, then he
heard Kerr call for him to come in.
"Jeff leaving?"
Kerr asked, waiting for the door to close, then leaning down to fiddle with
something under his desk.
"Yes." Spock watched him curiously.
Kerr sat back up, a satisfied
smile on his face. "It's safe
now. A little extra security never hurt
anything."
Spock let an eyebrow go
up. "Safe?"
Kerr nodded. "Safe to
talk. Without being
overheard." Kerr handed Spock a
padd. "It's very possible that this
is the only room where it is safe."
Spock looked up from the pad,
startled at what Kerr was telling him.
"Are you sure?"
Kerr shrugged. "I'm just saying. Lots of people had access to this ship when
it was being built. It's possible." He saw Spock's look. "If it's true, I doubt anyone's
listening most of the time."
"But it is a capability
that might be turned on?"
"If the need so arises,
yes." Kerr leaned back in his
chair. "The miner is human. I've never seen him before, so I can't say
for sure that he is or isn't working for the Section. But he doesn't exist on any database that I have
access to."
"Fascinating."
"Perplexing is more like
it, Spock. Why send a Section agent to
mine on Taillte? I understand there are
strategic minerals but even they can't think they can win this one. Taillte's alive."
"Could they be testing
her?"
Kerr looked thoughtful. "That's an interesting question. It's possible. If they don't trust our reports of her
sentience." He leaned forward. "Speaking of trust. There's something I need to know. Off the record."
Spock sighed. He did not want to discuss Christine. "Off the record," he agreed.
"Have you been checking
into my record?"
Spock looked at him in
surprise. "No."
"Well someone has. Someone from Admiral Mackin's
office." Kerr looked down. "I thought that it might have been for
you. Or I was hoping it was."
"I asked for no such
information."
"Then someone else is
checking into my past. And I'd like to
know why."
"I think we both would,
Colonel. Keep me apprised."
"Will do."
Spock was not surprised to
feel a chill fall over them as soon as their business was finished. "I would enjoy another chess game."
"I wouldn't mind a
rematch," Kerr said cautiously.
Spock almost sighed. "Perhaps we could play for
Christine." He got up quickly. "That was a joke, Colonel."
To his surprise, Kerr did not
seem irritated. "It actually came
off as one." He stood up. "But the joke's on both of us, Spock, if
we think this is a game. She's
hurting. You must know that?"
Spock looked down, suddenly
shamed. "Yes. I do know that. I suppose it is easier to focus on my own
feelings."
"I'm guilty of the same
thing. But I'm worried about
her." Kerr looked suddenly very
serious. "I'm worried about all of
us, frankly."
Spock looked up at him. Nodded.
"We work well together."
"Yes, we do. It would be a shame to throw that away."
"We will all have to try
harder." Spock turned to go. Before he got to the door, he looked back at
Kerr. "You were right."
"About what?"
"I have not stopped
trying to get her back. Not entirely."
Kerr just nodded.
"I will try to do
better," Spock said. "But I
make no promises." Then he hurried
out of Kerr's office. He got in the lift,
knew he should go to the bridge, but found himself strangely unwilling. "Deck ten," he said, riding the lift
one deck down and walking slowly to main engineering. He stood at the door, watching as
The engineer looked up and
smiled. "Long time no
see."
"Taillte has kept me
busy."
"But?"
"But I'm ready to get
moving again. Continuous orbit isn't
much fun for my engines."
"Or for their
engineer?"
Spock was glad that he could say
that about at least one person on board.
"Something wrong?"
"Life does not always go
as we plan." He joined
Handing Spock a microspanner,
Kettering said, "You just have to quit making so many plans then." He nodded to the end of the panel. "If you want to get those last
adjustments, I'd appreciate it."
Spock knew the engineer was
humoring him, allowing him to be useful.
He had seen
"As Commander Scott used
to say, 'Where's the fun in that, laddie?'
Of course, he usually said that just before doing something he knew was
going to land him in trouble."
"Trouble." Trouble in the form of the woman he couldn't
get out of his mind. Even now. Spock finished his work and put the microspanner
back into the toolbox. "I am needed
on the bridge."
"A break?" Spock
asked, and
"What are friends
for?"
Spock pondered that question
as he headed for the bridge. The lift
stopped at deck four, and Christine and Kerr got on.
Kerr nodded, a polite
greeting and one that gave no hint that he and Spock had just been
talking. "Captain."
"Colonel." Spock turned to Christine. Noticed that she didn't seem to want to meet
either of their eyes.
"Commander."
"Captain," she
said, still not looking at him.
The lift slowed again at deck
two. Nako got on, forcing Christine to
back up between Kerr and him.
Christine's shoulder touched Spock's and she recoiled as if burnt.
Nako gave her an odd look,
and Spock saw Kerr glance at Christine, then at him, before he stared back at
the lift doors.
The tension in the lift was
palpable, but for once Nako seemed oblivious.
When the doors opened, she stepped out, paying no attention to Christine
and Kerr, just waiting for Spock to get off before following him to his ready
room.
"I take it you wish to
speak with me, Nako?"
She nodded. "I have a favor to ask, Spock."
He glanced over as Christine
and Kerr disappeared into her office. He
hoped that they would leave soon, didn't want them lingering on the bridge. Perhaps with time and distance he could put
her out of his mind. It would be good if
she stayed for a while with Kerr, in the colonel's quarters, which were far
from Spock's.
Far being a relative term on
a starship as small as the Carter.
He watched as Nako settled
herself in one of his chairs. She seemed
to be in no hurry to ask him her favor.
And for once she wasn't staring at him with that gaze that seemed able
to read every thought, every impulse, every desire. In fact, she seemed to be turned strangely
inward. "Are you all right,
Nako?"
She looked up then. Gave him a tired smile. "Taillte wore me out, Spock. I'm an old woman."
"Never that," he
responded distractedly.
"Well, tonight, I feel
old." She glanced at the view port,
where Taillte loomed large. "I'll
be glad to get back to work. Do we have
new orders yet?"
He nodded. "A brief stop on Denarr to pick up
Admiral Young, then on to a ceremony on Beta Lambda IX to celebrate their
attaining full Federation membership.
After that, a ceasefire negotiation on Pelria."
"Pelria?" She looked surprised. "They aren't ready for a
ceasefire."
"They apparently do not
share your opinion." Spock realized
he was tired, more tired than he could remember being in a long time. "You said you had a favor to ask?"
She took a deep breath before
she said softly, "I'd like to ask you to stay away from Pardek."
Irritation surged through
him. "Why is that any of your
concern?"
She held up a hand. "I know you don't appreciate my interfering
in what you probably consider your private affairs. But your actions are noticed, Spock. And Pardek isn't good for you. Not professionally. And not personally."
"What do you know of
him?"
She shook her head. "I know nothing. It's just a feeling, grandson."
For the first time he did not
find the name a comfort. "I am not
your grandson, Nako. And you have no
right to dictate my actions. Especially
not based on your 'feelings'."
She seemed surprised at his
reaction. "You have always listened
to my counsel in the past, Spock."
He remembered how she had
told him that in time he would understand Christine's role in his life. He was still waiting for that
understanding. "Your counsel of
late has been less than useful." He
got up and walked to the door.
She sat, looking
stunned.
"If you will excuse me,
Nako, we are about to break orbit."
He did not look back, as he waited for her. He knew he was being rude to her, would not
have dismissed her words so quickly in the past. But he was tired of lectures and
admonitions. He was tired of a great
many things.
Nako reached out as she
passed, her hand surprisingly strong on his arm. He looked down at her thin hand and wondered
why he had never noticed how cold her skin was.
"I am sorry if I upset
you, Spock," she said softly.
"I am a Vulcan. I am not upset." He met her eyes. They both knew it was a lie, but this time
she did not call him on it.
"Of course," she
said, following him out and walking toward the lift. He noticed that she did not look at Taillte
as she passed the main viewscreen.
He turned to Lieutenant
Carlson. "Prepare to break
orbit." He looked at the navigator,
didn't recognize the gamma shift ensign that sat at the station. That would have to be remedied. "Lay in a course for Denarr."
"Course laid in,"
the ensign answered back after a few moments.
"Take her out, Mister
Carlson." Spock sat down in his
chair, felt his body sag in the seat. He
could not remember when he had been this tired.
Tired in body and spirit. Forcing
himself into a more proper pose, he watched Taillte disappear from the
viewscreen as the Carter turned and headed for their next assignment.
-------------------------------------------
Nako could feel the subtle
shift as the ship went into warp. She
looked out the viewport; saw Taillte getting smaller and felt herself relax for
the first time in weeks. She was not
used to feeling this vulnerable. She was
just glad Taillte had not realized how strong she was.
But it was only a matter of
time.
Nako smiled, an odd one-sided
smile. Taillte might be powerful, but
that power was limited. She had to stay
within the parameters of her world, of the planet that was her body, her
lifeforce. She couldn't touch Nako out
here. And Nako didn't plan to ever go
back within the other's sphere of influence.
She wished she could say the
same for Penhallon. She hadn't thought
he would be coming with them at all this time.
He seemed so thoroughly enamored of Taillte, of the life she could offer
him. But he had come. He had chosen the life he liked less
well.
She was not sure why he had
but suspected it was because Christine needed him, and he wouldn't desert
her. Even for his own good. But Nako knew that somehow he would find a
way back to Taillte. He had that
look. The look of the true believer.
Nako opened the ancient chest
by her bed; the deer hide held together by the art and skill of the Dineh
craftsman that had made it for her so long ago--an art stronger than the science
of the modern world, more resistant, more resilient. She dug down into the chest, found the sealed
container of sand. All the colors that
mattered were mixed together. Blue and
yellow and white and black and red and, of course, the natural-colored grains,
all blended together to bring hozho...balance.
And once spilled out, they would form the pictures, show her what she
needed to see.
Or she hoped they would. Sometimes they showed her things she already
knew. 'Iika'a'h were tricky that
way. Few used the sandpaintings for
divination anymore, preferring the gentler path of the
Nako laid out the board of
scraped hide, then poured the garland first, using the sand to protect the
north, south, and west quadrants. She
smiled as she thought of how hard it had been for her at first to find east
from her perspective in space. But that
was long ago. Now she knew. She always knew. She left the portion to the east open, and
began to pour the sand inside the garland, letting it fall as it wanted, not
trying to stop the way her hand jerked and made the colored grains go in new
directions. It was all part of the
pattern. She was merely drawing what
already was. What would be.
What might be, she corrected
herself. There were ways to change
things.
She stared down at the
finished painting. And frowned. Deeply.
There was no pattern. Nothing at all. No yeis with their corn and feathers and
hands outstretched. No rattles or
lightning, no evergreen sprigs. Not even
a hoop or a triangle. Nothing. The sand had fallen in a pattern that meant
nothing. Absolutely nothing.
Something had happened. Something had happened and she had missed
it. And now everything she had seen
during The Time was unsettled. She could
not see what would be, because it was not yet clear what was. And until it was, she could not see what
would come.
And if she could not see what
would come, she could not change it. Did
not dare to try if she did not know what the consequences might be of her
actions.
She stared down at the sand
again. Tried to close her eyes to
half-slits, fluttered them to bring a hidden pattern into relief. There was still nothing. It was as if someone had taken a knife to her
weaving, tearing it up the middle and causing it all to unravel. Taking away any pattern she had woven into
it.
She could not remember the
last time the sand had come up blank.
And she had lived a long, long time.
She could almost hear
Taillte's mocking laughter.
"You are part of
this," Nako realized. She had not
dreamt Taillte during The Time. It had
only been in a spontaneous vision, just before Doctor Marcus brought the planet
over with her device, that Nako had even known what was happening. Yes, Taillte was part of this, but a logical
part if you reconnected the threads of the pattern, saw its new design. Taillte was not the surprise. But something was. Something else had happened. Something she wasn't seeing. Something that she had not given enough
import to. And it had changed
everything.
She carefully destroyed the
working by pushing the sand to the center of the hide and pouring it back into
its container. She sealed the stopper
and stuffed the clay jar into the bottom of the chest, closing the lid, and
retying the intricate knots.
When she stood up, she was
surprised to feel her heart beating fast.
It had been a long time since she had felt this level of disquiet. But she was feeling it now. The advantage was no longer hers. Not unless she figured out what had
changed. And she'd better do it soon.
Before all hell broke loose.
She sat down heavily in her
chair. Tried to think. What was she missing? Spock was on the path, she had made certain
of that. He had been in danger when
Amanda died. It had been too soon after
Kirk's death. He might have been
lost. She'd only taken steps to make
sure he would survive, that he would still be a player to be counted on. The most important player. The king.
A simple cave-in was all it took for her to give him the queen.
She'd given him the
queen.
Nako felt a sick feeling
begin in her stomach. She had given him
the queen...but the queen hadn't stayed with him.
She had known that. She had known that and had never stopped to
think what might happen if he didn't want to give Christine up. Nako had assumed he would benefit from
Christine's presence, but had never realized how much of his heart he would
give her. She had made the robes for
them and had not fully understood the message she had woven into them. Had she been so certain that she knew how
everything would turn out that she had not paid attention to what even Kerr could
see? And she knew, with a sinking sensation,
that she had been that certain, that sure of her own vision. That proud.
She had thought that Spock would hold something back as he always had
from Christine. That Christine would
ground him, give him an outlet for emotion he might suppress otherwise, but
that she would ultimately be nothing more than a safety valve for him, a
connection to his own humanity. Nako had
underestimated the woman's power over Spock.
Had not realized how deeply in love with her Spock would grow, had not
considered what it would mean if he wanted to keep her, but couldn't.
What would that do to someone
already reeling from pain? Might it not
be even worse than going through the pain alone in the first place?
The scene she'd witnessed in the
lift suddenly made sense. When she'd
stood there with the three of them, she'd had the fleeting impression of two
male wolves, circling each other for the same mate. But wolves didn't do that, they didn't fight
over the females. They mated for life.
And Spock and Christine had
mated for life. Without a formal bond,
but mated nonetheless. It would explain
the strange connection they seemed to share these days. But she had also mated with Kerr and he'd had
first claim. Spock had not been able to
bond with her. Because of Kerr. But bond or no, Spock and she were
mated. Mated but unable to join, unable
to be together...and also unable to walk away from each other. While it would be hard on Christine to try to
balance this, it would tear Spock apart.
What would it turn him
into? How bitter would it make him? Was that why he wouldn't listen to Nako in
his ready room? Was he already lost?
Nako bit down hard on the
back of her hand, trying to make herself focus.
Think, she ordered herself. She
had protected Kerr. She had kept him on
the Carter when he could have been sent away so easily. All it would have taken was a word in private
to Spock. Or she could have disposed of
him herself. He would have been just
another victim of the Section. He might
even have been forced to go when Christine learned the truth about him, but
Nako had a feeling that Christine's time on Taillte had softened her, that
Penhallon might also have had something to do with her unexpected willingness
to forgive Kerr. And that Christine had
taken Kerr back had been unexpected.
Unforeseen. Nako should have
realized then that the pattern was unraveling, that she was losing control.
Should have. Useless words. It was too late. Kerr was needed, his presence was necessary,
and Christine wouldn't let him go now, in any case. And he was part of the pattern. The new pattern. The one Nako couldn't read, much less
manipulate. They all were all part of
this new pattern, even Nako herself. She
should have been outside it but, for the first time in her memory, she was a
part of what was, what would come.
And what would come was
chaos. In chaos, anything could
happen. Anything at all.
Nothing new for her
grandchildren, they were used to life being uncertain. But it was Nako's worst nightmare. She was helpless to effect any change, unable
to see any larger pattern. She was
caught in the very web she had woven and she couldn't think of a single thing
that she could do to escape.
FIN