DISCLAIMER: The Justice League of America
characters are the property of DC Comics. The story contents are the creation
and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2005 by Djinn. This story is Rated R.
Heart's Desire
by Djinn
She sat silently, listening
to sea birds fly above her, to waves crashing on the rocks just below where she
sat. The sun was high in the sky; she
could feel it warming the top of her head, could feel it beating down on her
legs but not on her face. It was high
and slightly behind her.
A plane crossed the sky to
the east. She could hear its sound
change as it got farther away, then the wind blew her hair around her, and the
sounds changed again.
Something else flew toward
her. She imagined how he would
look. Hair too short
now to be blown much by the wind of his passage.
"Diana?"
She didn't answer. She was angry and staying motionless was the
only way to keep that anger from coming out.
Athena had used her. Used her and
again denied her the thing she wanted.
And Diana could not bring herself to ask for anything else. It was a point of honor--or maybe just
stubbornness.
"Where did you go?"
Kal asked.
"
"
She pulled away. "Don't." She heard him sigh. "How did you find me?"
"I don't know."
She turned to him, her face
tilting up as if she could peer through the blindfold and see the truth.
She could feel him smiling at
her. "I flew around until I found
you."
"How
long?"
"Not long."
That was probably true. He was very fast.
"Fly with me," he
said softly.
"No."
He sighed again. "Are you mad at me?"
"I'm mad at
everyone." She pushed herself to
her feet, walking away from him quickly.
Too
quickly. She tripped over something but caught herself
before she fell. He didn't rush to help
her. She counted that a victory.
"You seem particularly
mad at me." He got up, his footsteps steady as he crossed the distance between
them. Taking her arm, he pulled her to
him, into a hug.
"Don't." Hugs were dangerous. Hugs were for when she felt strong and
invincible and virtuous. She didn't feel
that way today. She felt tired and
annoyed and lonely.
She tried to push him
away. He didn't let go.
She'd never fought him all
out. Had never known
if he would be stronger or if she would.
She was about to kick up with her knee and start the battle, when he
whispered, "Let me love you, Diana."
She stopped the kick, her
knee up until it fell against his leg.
She couldn't feel the ground and realized he had picked her up. They were flying, and he was holding her
close, his hands rubbing her back.
"What are you
doing?"
"What I've wanted to do
for far too long."
Then he kissed her. The sound of the sea birds faded, the waves
ceased to crash. She could feel the sun
stronger on her as he flew higher and higher, pulling her closer, his lips claiming hers with desperate need.
She kissed him back. Knew it wasn't right, but did it anyway. The fates had picked the wrong day to test
her. She was tired of fighting this
feeling.
He pulled away, then moved in again, his lips resting against her
cheek. "I love you."
"Why are you doing this
now?" They'd resisted this for far
too long for him to give in now.
"Did you and Lois have a fight?"
"Yes."
She waited. He normally evaded such truths. He and Lois were off limits to her. They did not discuss his marriage, his
happiness or lack thereof. Diana was
never sure from day to day what was going on with him. But she suspected she was his buffer. The thing that kept him
sane. That kept his marriage
working Because
he had her--on the side, in spirit if not in body.
"After this"--he
touched her blindfold, his fingers floating over it--"you cut us all off
from you."
He nuzzled her neck, and she
sighed. His arms around her felt so good.
"So it was just you and
her having to make do?" She felt
mean, let her voice turn nasty.
"Yes." He moved his lips to her ear, murmured the
question she'd expected him to ask for some time. "Are you in love with Bruce?"
"What if I
am?" But then he was kissing her
again, his lips pushing her further and further away from the woman who had
long ago resolved to never do this with him--not while his wife was alive. In Kal's arms like this, Diana was losing the
woman who was maybe in love with Bruce--or just thought he might be the only
acceptable substitute for the man holding her now.
"Are you in love with
him?" he asked again, his voice low, soft.
Pressing her but not pushing her.
"I don't know."
"Are you in love with
me?"
She sighed. She'd told him a hundred times that she loved
him. She'd never crossed that line,
though, and admitted that she was in love with him. Never said that whenever
she went to the watchtower her heart would beat a little faster just because
they were going to spend time together.
Any time, it didn't matter what kind.
Fighting, planning, helping. All good, so long as
it was with him.
"Diana?"
This time his voice pressing
her so patiently annoyed her. She
punched out, caught him by surprise, and he let her go. She plummeted like a stone, not even trying
to recover.
He caught her well before she
was in danger of crashing into the ground.
"Did you think I'd
hit?" She pulled him to her,
kissing him first. Kissing
him deeply, with angry passion.
"No, I knew I'd catch
you."
"I don't need you to
catch me." She kicked him away
again, this time flying, not falling.
She let herself go as fast as she could, felt him coming up behind
her. They'd never raced this way, not
when it wasn't for fun.
And this wasn't for fun anymore. This
wasn't for anything good or decent. This
was for possession. This was for life-changing
decisions that shouldn't be made while she wore a red blindfold that matched
his cape.
"Kal, don't," she
yelled, but her words were lost in the storm that whirled up around her as he
caught her, pulling her to him.
"We belong
together." His voice was lost, his
hands harder on her than she'd ever felt.
But his lips were gentle. He
wanted her. Wanted to break her and
wanted to save her, to do everything he'd ever wanted to her and for her and with
her.
They slowed,
their terrible speed dropping as their passion grew. She gave up, let him
take them where he would. She could
feel it getting colder. The Fortress, of course.
They would be safe there. They
could be alone there.
"She wanted me to
leave." His voice was dead when he
spoke of Lois.
"Why?"
"We fought over
you." He kissed her as he pulled
her into the Fortress. "We fought
over what you should have done when you battled Medusa." He laughed, and it was a bitter sound. "She thinks you did right killing
her."
"You, of course,
don't?" She struck out then, her
hand on his throat, pushing him hard against the wall. "You never want to kill the
monster."
"I told her why you
shouldn't have done it. I was,
apparently, quite impassioned about all the good things you were." He touched her face, didn't try to push her
hand away from his throat. "I was too
passionate. Much, much
too passionate."
"Lois nearly died not
too long ago. You were frantic to save
her."
"Yes. And that's part of this. That was a changing moment for her, I
think. She's tired of sharing me."
"She asked you to
choose?"
There was no answer, and she
realized he'd probably nodded. Then he
seemed to realize she couldn't see him.
"She did ask me to choose. I
wouldn't. She said that was a choice in
itself."
"I don't need you to
protect me."
"I know." He reached up, gently removed her hand from
his throat. His fingers tightened on
hers, pulling her close. "This isn't
about you being blind."
She didn't answer, waited for
him to say more. But all he did was pull
her close, hugging her, his hands on her waist, not stroking, not rubbing, just
warm and strong. His lips were on her
hair, but he didn't kiss her. She could
hear him breathing, could feel the warmth of him against her.
She thought she felt him
shudder. "What?"
"Choose, Diana. Do you want this?"
When she didn't answer, he said,
"I thought you were in love with me."
"What if you thought
wrong?"
He moved away, the warmth of
him fading as his footsteps did too, down the hall, toward the bedrooms. She listened to how many steps, which way he
turned.
Then she followed him, standing in the doorway as she listened to him taking
off his uniform, then lying down on the bed. He was naked, just a few steps from her.
"You threw away your
marriage for me?"
"Yes."
"You could fly home
now. Get it back."
"Yes. I probably could." She heard the bed shift. But he hadn't gotten up, was only moving
around.
"Why don't you?"
"I can't. Not when you're this close. Not when we're this close."
She didn't answer, and he
didn't say anything. He lay quietly, not
feeling the need apparently to fill the silence as he normally would have. He reminded her of Bruce in that moment.
"I am in love with
you," she finally said.
"That's good." There was another long silence. He moved again, the bed creaking. "Have you ever...?"
"I never said we were
going to."
"I know. That's not what I asked. Have you ever done it?"
"No." The admission made her blush. Because she was innocent and because she was
not--he had no idea the number of times she'd touched herself imagining it was
him.
"Come here," he
said, his voice low, grave. As if he
wanted her to know that he was aware of all he was giving up. "Diana, please."
"Kal, this is not the
way to kill the monster."
"You think that if I do
this, I'll be giving up all I believe in?"
"Won't you be?"
"I don't know. I'm not as good a man as you think I am,
Diana. Do you know how many times I've
looked at you, under that uniform, under any of the clothes you've worn around
me? I've memorized your body. You have a mole on your back, just below
where your uniform stops. The fabric
rubs it a lot, makes it irritated--after a fight it bleeds sometimes.
She moved closer, kicked her
boots off.
"You have a mark on your
left breast, on the side. It looks like
a burn. A recent one."
"It is a burn. I dripped lamp oil on myself during a
ritual. It burned, even through the
shift I wore. It...hurt." She began to take her uniform off. The lasso slapped against her leg and she
reached for it to toss it away. Then she
changed her mind and carried it to the bed.
"Give me your hand."
He did.
She looped the lasso over his
hand, could feel him grab hold, pulling it tight around his skin.
"Ask your questions,
Diana."
"Do you know what you're
doing?"
"Yes."
"Do you want to lose
your wife?"
"No, but I want you more
than I want her." His honesty was
brutal, the lasso forcing no less than this cruel truth from him.
"Do you love me?"
"I do."
"Why now?"
"Now is when the opening
appeared." He pulled her down to
him, looping the lasso around both of them.
"Your turn."
She felt him settle her on
the bed, easing her under him, touching her and making her moan. "Ask me what you want to know, Kal."
"Can you do this and not
hate us both?"
She thought that maybe if she
could see him, the answer would be easy.
But here, in this dark world she'd lived in since the fight with Medusa,
truth was less reliable. Or it was
reliable but not so pretty.
"Yes. I can do this and not
hate us both."
"Will you hate only one
of us?"
She laughed, then forced herself to stop.
This was his most dangerous attraction for her. That of all the men she knew, he could so
easily make her laugh. "I won't
hate you."
He kissed her, his tongue
opening her mouth. "That should be
enough for me, but it's not. Will you
hate yourself if you do this?"
She could feel the lasso
prompting the truth from her. She did
not want to admit this truth. Did not
want him to know that it was possible she had no conscience left anymore where
he was concerned. She wished he'd kept the
questions about him.
She opened her mouth to
speak, but felt him pull the lasso from her.
"If you don't want to
answer, it is an answer. Lois wasn't
wrong about that." There was defeat
in his voice.
She grabbed the lasso back,
looping it around her hand again.
"No. I won't hate
myself."
There was a very long moment
where he said nothing, and she could feel him staring down at her.
"Is that enough truth
for you, Kal?"
"Yes," he said,
pulling the lasso off her.
She reached for the
blindfold, but he said, "Leave it on if you want." She realized he'd probably peeked under it
already; a little red cloth wouldn't stop him from knowing how her eyes had
changed.
She untied the blindfold and
handed it to him. "I don't need it
with you."
He moved, putting the
blindfold somewhere safe probably. Then
he drew her to him and kissed her again, his mouth firm and hard and sure. The truth had given him that. The certainty that he owned
her. That she owned him. That this was, if not right, somehow meant to
be.
His hands roamed her body,
touching at will, sending her up and down and into bliss. He did not move over her until he had sent
her spinning and moaning and clutching many times. She knew he was looking out for her, and this
time she did not call him on being too protective. This was not a fight. This was love, and she did not know the moves
the way she would have known the steps in a fight.
His mouth was on her, down
low, kissing her in ways that had nothing to do with her lips, and she was
clutching again at the bed, hips raised.
He pushed her down and moved closer and closer until he was with
her. She felt a moment's remorse as her
body joined with his, taking the place of his wife, her body claiming him for
her own. Only one moment of remorse then
it changed to something darker and selfish and more pleasurable than anything
she'd ever felt. They were together. His voice was low and possessive as he
murmured her name, and he didn't sound guilty at all as he pushed her harder
and harder.
And suddenly she
understood. He was moving hard, and she
was in no pain, but if she were a human she would be. He was not holding back and it was probably
the first time he'd never held back. Her
first time with him would be his first time taking his full pleasure. No one could give him what she could. No one could take from him what she could.
The sex alone would be
addictive. Might be
enough to cement them for years.
His cries echoing through the
Fortress, counterbalanced by her own, would be reason enough to want this. But then his lips touched down on hers, the
feeling so tender, so sweet that for a moment she thought she might break from
the emotion.
"I love you,
Diana," he murmured as he pulled her close, stroking her and wrapping
warm, wet limbs around hers.
"Kal. My Kal." It was the wrong sentiment and it was the only
one she could feel. The superhero should
get up, should walk away from this now that it had happened, and resolve not to
let it happen again. But she had told
him truth, not just lust's version of it.
She did not want to get up and walk away. She did not think she would ever want to get
up and walk away.
She did not feel bad. She just thought she should feel bad. Even though she knew she would never feel
bad.
"We waited so
long," she murmured, feeling his arms tighten. Her anger, which had not left her since
Medusa had turned her world into a sightless nightmare, finally subsided.
"We've waited long
enough." He kissed her again, and
she smiled. She heard him laugh softly
when she smiled. She didn't smile much
anymore.
"You still want to know
why now?" he whispered.
She nodded.
"Because
I almost lost you. Again. I couldn't do it again." He buried his face in her hair. "I almost lost Lois too. It is difficult to explain."
"Don't try." Her tone was not hard, not the harsh whip
sound of before. She was not berating
him. She simply did not want to talk
about Lois anymore. She wiggled against
him, could feel him responding. "Love
me again," she said.
"I shouldn't," he
said, and there was a note of irony in his voice as he pulled her on top of
him. "We both know that. Yet it matters so little. Something may be fundamentally wrong with us,
Diana." He did not sound overly
concerned about that. Sounded more like he
thought he should put the idea out there for her to ponder.
She might do that. Once she finished riding him. He did not look like he minded that she was
paying more attention to their mutual pleasure than to their sudden lack of
conscience.
"Love me," he
whispered.
"Always." She said,
wondering if he'd promised Lois that, then deciding it didn't matter.
Nothing mattered
anymore. Nothing but them and this
terrible selfishness that was consuming her.
She'd waited so long. So had
he. There would be consequences to
this. Repercussions. But for now, there was only this wonderful
thing between them.
They'd worry about everything
else later.
FIN