DISCLAIMER: The Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel characters are the property of Mutant Enemy, Joss Whedon, and Fox Studios. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2001 by Djinn. This story is Rated PG-13.
Gravity
Part 5 -
Revulsion
by Djinn
"Come on, put your back into it. A Watcher scoffs at gravity." – Giles to Spike, Restless
The silence in the living
room was absolute. Spike and Dawn both slumped in defeat. Giles looked pensive.
Willow stood in the doorway
next to Faith, unsure what to do. The other slayer didn't make a comment, but
her meaning as her eyes met Willow's then looked upward was unmistakable.
"I'll talk to her,"
she said.
She climbed the stairs
slowly, trying to imagine how hard, how strange this must seem to Buffy. She
knocked on the door of her friend's bedroom. "Buffy? Please let me
in."
A few seconds passed before
she heard the handle being turned. Buffy stood in the doorway. Her eyes were
dry, her face tight. She walked to the bed, sat down, and stared out the
window. Her look was distant.
Willow closed the door
softly. "This all must seem pretty strange, " she said, as she sat
down next to the slayer.
Buffy only nodded.
"You've been gone for
months, Buff. Getting you back was our main focus, but I guess our lives really
did go on."
"They had to. I was dead."
Buffy's voice was tight. "It just seems like some pretty strange choices
were made."
"I bet things do look
really weird from where you're standing. But if you just give it a chance, most
of it does make sense."
"Spike as Dawn's watcher
makes sense?" Buffy turned to look directly at Willow, her eyes hard. "Faith
out of jail, living in Sunnydale again, makes sense?"
"The council got Faith
out. They had to when they couldn't find the next slayer."
"But Dawn?"
"Dawn ran away, Buffy. Your
dad wanted to move her to Spain. She didn't want to go."
Buffy's look was haunted. "She
was all alone?"
"No. Spike was with her.
He protected her. They didn't know she was the slayer when they left, and once
they figured it out, they came back. I know it must seem weird, but he's been
doing the right thing by her. Just like you asked him to. And Dawn loves him. It
was her choice to have him for her watcher."
"It doesn't make sense,
Willow. It's Spike, for God's sake."
Willow found herself getting
defensive. "Yeah. Spike who helped us beat Glory. Spike who's been
tireless in looking after Dawn and in trying to find a way to bring you back. People
do change, Buffy."
Buffy's look hardened even
more. "I suppose you're going to tell me that Faith has changed too?"
Willow felt conflicted. "You
know I've never liked her. I can't say that I feel all warm and fuzzy toward
her. But she's done a good job since she's been back. And I think she really
cares about Dawn."
Buffy's scorn was obvious. "Yes,
I'm sure she's just the best role model ever."
"Dawn likes her."
"Well Dawn seems to have
a soft spot for psychopaths." Buffy seemed too full of energy. She jumped
up and began to pace. "I'm surprised you didn't invite Drusilla in too,
you know for fashion tips or something."
"Buffy that's not fair. I
know things may look kind of"—she searched for the word—"unconventional.
But we've been doing the best that we can." Willow was getting dizzy
watching Buffy pace. She rose and stepped into her path, forcing her to stop. "I've
missed you so much. Dawn has been miserable. And Giles seemed to lose all
purpose when you died."
Buffy laughed spitefully. "He
seems to have recovered nicely since then. Maybe having Faith around does that?
I take it he's her watcher now?"
"Yeah," Willow said
carefully, feeling as if she was navigating a landmine.
"Just her
watcher?" Buffy asked in a low voice.
"Well. Um."
"My God, Will. What the
hell's wrong with all of you? Spike lives in my house, practically has custody
of my little sister. Faith and Giles are...God I don't even know the word for
what they are."
"Try lovers." Willow
felt her own temper rise.
"Lovers," Buffy spat
the word at her. "As in to love? Faith isn't capable. Have you forgotten
what she's like?"
"Don't make me defend
her to you. Buffy, you have to relax. You have to accept. At least until you
understand what's happened."
"I don't have to do
anything. Now leave me alone." She started to walk back to the window,
then whirled on Willow. "Why'd you even call me back? Seems like
everything was just hunky dory here."
Willow couldn't answer.
"The ironic thing is I'd
just given up when you caught me. And I was okay with that. I was at peace. Finally."
"Don't pull that crap! If
you were so peaceful why'd you haunt Faith and Dawn's dreams all those weeks? You
nearly destroyed Dawn, and you're lecturing me about how we've handled
things?" Willow wanted to stop but months of fear and grief were pushing
her on. "I'm not sure why we bothered getting you back. You're unforgiving
and hard and you don't care we were all left with nothing when you died." Willow's
voice cracked. "We were left with nothing except a scared little girl and
the memories of how we failed you that night. How we lost you."
She couldn't go on. Tears she
hadn't cried for weeks burst from her. She couldn't see, couldn't talk for the
great heaving sobs that tore from her body. She'd never felt more alone. Blindly
she turned toward the door.
Strong, slim arms stopped
her, wrapped around her. "Oh God, Willow. I'm so sorry."
Willow heard her friend
crying too. She brought her own arms up, completing the embrace. They stood
there for a long time, both weeping out a pain too dark to keep inside any
longer.
##
Giles stood in the hall,
unsure of his next move. It had become very quiet in Buffy's room. He hoped
Willow was making progress. He reached for the knob, then pulled back. Should
he wait?
But then he thought of the
unbelievable joy he'd felt when he'd seen Buffy on the stairs. He had to share
that with her. She mustn't think that he was anything but ecstatic at her
return.
He knocked softly on the door
and opened it when he heard Buffy give permission. The two young women were
sitting on the bed, looking just as they had so many other times. He could tell
that they'd both been crying.
"I've just been catching
her up," Willow explained as she rose to leave.
He waited until the door
closed before he opened his arms to Buffy.
"You sure there's room
in there? I hear you've already got your hands full with one slayer." Her
voice wasn't mean exactly. But it was clear she was putting him on notice that
she knew and didn't approve of his relationship with Faith.
He wanted to defend himself
and the other slayer, but decided on another tack. "She's willing to
share. Aren't you?"
It was the wrong thing to
say.
"I find I'm not."
He dropped his arms. "I've
missed you," he said quietly.
"Yeah. I see that."
His lips tightened as he
tried to hide the disappointment that knifed through him.
"So
am I still the slayer, Giles? Or do Faith and Dawn have that gig pretty well
wrapped up?"
This was something he'd given
a great deal of thought to in the last few weeks. "I think that's up to you."
"If this is a lecture
about my attitude, save it."
"I only mean that nobody
knows you're alive but those of us here tonight. If you want to reclaim your
old life we'll find a way to explain it."
She seemed to relax.
"But if you don't,"
he continued carefully, "if you want a different kind of life. That can be
arranged too. You could have the life your mother wanted for you. College, a
new town, a normal job, maybe a husband and children someday? Whatever you want.
A new start. Free of the slaying. It's something I always wanted for you but
never had it in my power to give. Until now."
She stared at him. Her
expression hadn't changed. "So you brought me
back just to send me away?"
"That's not the spin I'd
put on what I just said, Buffy."
"I guess not. What about
Dawn?"
"Dawn's a slayer now and
the Council knows. She can't escape her destiny any more than you could. But
she'll be all right..." He was aware he was straying into dangerous
territory.
"Oh, of course. She'll
be okay because she has the poster child for violence as her new big sister and
a serial killer for a watcher." Buffy's voice was ugly now.
"Spike's been working
with us for some time. You yourself asked him to look after Dawn if anything happened
to you. And as for Faith, well she's changed, and if you'd give her a chance,
you'd see that."
"I gave her plenty of
chances, long ago. Look where it got me." She walked to the closet, dug
out a large bag, and pulled several stakes from it.
"Buffy, you can't be
seriously considering...you just got back.
You don't know how strong you are." Or how strong she wasn't.
She turned to him, her expression grim. "Thanks for the offer of a
new life, Giles, and the pretty speech, but I know who I am and where I belong.
It may be the only thing I do know anymore." She seemed to sense his
disapproval and met his gaze defiantly. "I'm still the slayer."
"Buffy?" He reached
out for her but her glare made him drop his arm.
She seemed to consider the
door, then said, "Screw it," and opened the window. Just before
climbing out she shot him a sarcastic smile. "Hey, maybe I'll get killed
again and all of our problems will be solved."
"Buffy..." he
began, but she was gone.
The others looked up as he
rushed downstairs.
"She's gone out. Patrolling."
They didn't ask anything
else. He felt pride in them as they grabbed their coats and weapons. He saw
that Tara hadn't made a move.
"I'll stay here with
Amy," she said. "That way there'll be someone home if Buffy comes
back before you find her."
"Thank you," he
answered quietly.
She nodded. In her eyes he
saw infinite compassion.
"Right then. Let's
go." He followed the others out into the night.
##
Buffy hit the ground and took
off running. She headed nowhere in particular, letting her instincts drive her
where she was needed. As she ran, she reveled in the smooth movement of her
legs, the powerful thing that was her body. As she finally slowed, she felt
some of the tension leave her body. She put her head back and let the night
wind blow across her face.
"Such a pretty
sight," a voice sounded behind her.
Buffy turned, pretending to
be frightened. "Leave me alone."
"I don't think so,
little one." The vampire moved closer.
She didn't recognize him,
then had to remind herself that she hadn't exactly been keeping up with all the
potential new vamps.
"I'm very hungry and you
look delicious," he said as licked his lips. His face transformed as he
moved on her.
Suddenly bored with the game,
Buffy whipped out a stake and slammed it home. At the vampire's look of shock,
she laughed in his face. "Amateur."
She brushed the dust off her
clothes and kept moving. She still didn't know where exactly she was headed as
she roamed through Sunnydale, reacquainting herself with the town she
considered her own. She passed the Magic Box and the Espresso Pump. Saw where
her mother's gallery had been. It had been turned into a craft boutique.
She passed the theater and
the sporting goods store. Noticed a new wine shop and a bookstore had gone in
next door. She heard music—loud, hard—the Bronze. She smiled, tempted to go in.
But no. Later. Some other day.
She began to walk faster. Her
steps sure even if she wasn't certain where her legs were taking her. A few
minutes later she understood. The gravestone was nice, she thought, and it was
in a pretty spot. Peaceful. She sank down on the grass.
Was her body still down there?
Molding? Decaying? If she started digging would she come face to face with her
corpse? With the her that should have been?
She pushed herself to her
feet, suddenly wanting to be anywhere but near her own grave. She began to run
again, going ever faster as she tried to outpace a nervousness and anger that
seemed ready to consume her. She felt volatile. About to explode. Ready to
burn.
She ran faster. Turned and
headed into the woods, deeper and deeper into the trees. Past the entrance to
Adam's cave, past the places they'd looked for Oz, past all the memories. It
took a long time to find a spot she'd never been before. It was dark and quiet
and she crouched down and closed her eyes.
What would it be like to
start over? To not have to be the slayer? To not kill every night? The thought
of starting over tempted her more than she'd ever admit. She allowed her mind
to play, to run down all the roads she would never travel. She was a firefighter,
a charity worker, a doctor, a chef, a lawyer, a mother. Her fantasies stopped.
She cried out, unable to keep
the grief at bay. Mom, I can't do this all again. Not without you. Her
tears fell hot and furious. Mom, she silently screamed to the night sky,
don't leave me.
She collapsed, head on the
ground, hands clenched into fists that beat on the ground. A scared little girl
weeping for everything she'd lost.
##
Searching together was
getting them nowhere. Dawn felt the beginning of panic.
Spike moved closer. "Don't
worry, pet. We'll find her."
"We've been out here for
hours now. Where did she go?"
Faith had slowed her pace to
let them catch up. "She's here somewhere. She didn't come out here to run
away, she came out to kill something."
"I don't know, we've
passed three vamps so far," Spike said, "and aside from about having
heart attacks at the sight of our little search party, I don't think they were
feeling any pain."
Faith glared at him. "We
passed three of them and you didn't say anything?"
"Didn't want to distract
you two from the search. They were completely second tier anyway. One of you'll
stake them eventually, don't worry."
Faith rolled her eyes. "I
could have used a good slaying. All this magic makes me itchy."
Dawn realized she too felt
wound very tight, as if the tension were a snake coiled inside her. "I
wouldn't mind killing something about now."
Spike looked at both of them,
then gave a low chuckle. "Yeah, well next time I see a vamp, I'll point
you its way."
Dawn saw Giles stop. He
seemed more than just frustrated. He actually appeared frantic. She couldn't
remember ever seeing him anything but unflappable. "Damn," he swore
softly.
"Maybe we should split
up?" Dawn said gently.
Giles looked at her as if
seeing her for the first time. "Yes. Good idea. Dawn and Spike, take the
cemeteries. Faith and I will cover the warehouse district and the waterfront. Willow,
you take Xander and Anya and check out the rest of downtown."
"Be careful," Dawn
whispered to Faith.
"You too. And watch out
for him," Faith nodded toward Spike. "Buffy's freaked by his role in
all of this."
"And yours too."
"Yeah, but I'm not
sporting a chip, now am I?"
Dawn realized what she was
saying. "Good point." She hurried to catch up with Spike.
They walked for a few
minutes, then he glanced at her. "Were you serious about needing to
slay?"
Dawn nodded. She looked
around and saw a recently disturbed grave.
Spike pointed, "I think
you'll find the former occupant in that clump of trees there."
She was off, her instincts
telling her to go slow, the anxiety urging her to do it fast. Her instincts
won. She crept through the trees; saw the vampire long before he saw her.
He turned, a great lumbering
move. "Food," he said.
"You guys just aren't
very smooth when you first wake up, are you?" She pulled out a stake.
The vampire growled and came
for her.
"Whoa, and talk about
morning breath. Mouthwash," she said as she kicked him hard. "Embrace
the concept."
He parried a jab from her,
but his next swing left him open. The stake was a blur as it came down and
obliterated him.
"Dust to dust," she
said as she walked back to Spike.
"Feel better?"
She did. Slightly. "Yeah.
Thanks."
They continued on, searching
for Buffy in silence. Finally at her headstone, Dawn
sat down.
"Something wrong?"
She looked away. "I
don't understand what's happening. Why is she so upset?"
He walked over and ran his
hand down her hair. "I don't know. Maybe because of the portal?"
"Or maybe because she's just
a total bee-otch?"
He laughed. "Maybe."
"She didn't even try the
cookies. They're the ones Mom used to make for her. She could have at least
tried them."
He didn't say anything, just
stared at the marker.
"Does she hate me,
Spike? Is that why she's so mad? I mean if I hadn't come, she wouldn't have had
to deal with half the stuff that happened this year."
"She loves you, Dawn. That
much I do know."
"Then why's she so
mad?"
"Don't imagine she liked
seeing me so involved in your life."
"But she asked you to
take care of me."
He gave a short laugh. "I
think she meant that I was to look out for you from a distance. Not from your
basement."
"Oh," she said.
"It probably doesn't
help that Faith's here. Teaching you. Shagging Giles."
"Why should that bother
her?"
"People get territorial
about those they love. She doesn't want Faith near Giles, even if she doesn't
have the same kind of feelings for him."
"Hmmm. Spike, how mad
you think she's gonna be when she finds out I've been
borrowing her clothes?"
"I imagine very but—"
They both heard the sound. Footsteps.
It was Buffy. Her eyes were
puffy and red. She had twigs in her hair, and dead leaves on her pants.
"Buffy!" Dawn
wanted to run to her sister, but something in Buffy's eyes stopped her. "Buffy,
are you all right?"
Buffy stared at Spike for a
long time, then she seemed to reach a decision. She drew out a stake and advanced
on him.
"Buffy. What in bloody
hell do you think you're doing?" He dodged a sharp thrust. A roundhouse
kick sent him sprawling.
"Spike!" Dawn was
already in motion as she saw Spike jump back to his feet and try to block
Buffy. He took a swing and bent double in agony. The stake streaked down.
"No!" she screamed,
putting everything she had into the last few steps. She ended up under the
stake. Used her own momentum to carry it down and away from Spike. It landed
hard against her thigh, the point burning a hole in her leg. She yelped as she
pulled it out. Blood flowed freely.
"Dawn?" Buffy said,
her voice broken.
"If you try to hurt him I'll stop you."
Buffy moved around her,
already reaching for another stake. "It's for your own good."
"No," Dawn said,
moving quickly after her sister. The pain in her thigh was already diminishing.
"No," she repeated more firmly as she placed herself between Buffy
and her watcher. "Don't make me fight you."
The attack when it came was
fast and furious. But Dawn could tell that Buffy was holding back, trying not
to hurt her. She felt no such compunction. All the anger she'd felt at herself
for letting Buffy die for her, at the fates for making her the next slayer,
came out. She fought like a wild animal.
Buffy's eyes widened. She was
no longer holding back. "Move aside, Dawn," she ordered.
"You'll have to go
through me to get him. I love you, Buffy, but I won't let you hurt him."
Buffy attacked again. Dawn
kept her at bay. But the blows were starting to tell on her. She looked over to
see her older sister finally pulling away, bent over and breathing hard. Blood
trickled down from a cut on her lip. Dawn knew she didn't look much better.
"Stop it, Buffy. Please," she whispered the last part,
not sure if Buffy was even listening.
"Why, Dawn? Why
Spike?"
Dawn looked over at Spike. He
was watching her with concern. And irritation. She knew he hated the way the
chip made him helpless against humans.
She smiled at him. Her sister
wanted to know why Spike. She turned back to Buffy and saw that the fire had
died in her eyes. Dawn walked to her and took her arm then turned her toward
home. She could hear Spike trailing behind them. "Because I love him. He
was the only family I had for months. He took care of me. He taught me to
fight, to slay. And he did all that because you asked him too, and because he
loves me too." She let her voice turn menacing and very cold. "So let's get one thing straight, Buffy. If you ever try to
hurt him again, you'll be the one in pain."
Buffy grunted. "I
already am." She turned and studied Spike. "I'm sorry," she said
finally.
He brushed past them, the
image of wounded dignity. "Gonna take a whole
lot more than a sorry to make up for this, Slayer."
Dawn could hear the hurt in
his voice. She knew how much he loved Buffy. Really cared about her. The others
sometimes teased him over this crush, but she never did. His love for her
sister was real.
He disappeared into the
shadows. Dawn tightened her grip on Buffy and they limped home.
As they finally left the
cemetery, Buffy glanced at her, seemed to be seeing her for the first time. Her
eyes narrowed. "That so better not be my shirt."
Dawn gulped. "You were
dead. I just borrowed a few things."
"Which things."
"Just the cute
ones."
Her sister glared at her.
"Which would be like all
of them," Dawn admitted.
Buffy rolled her eyes. "You're
so lucky I'm way too tired to get mad at you."
Her arm tightened around
Dawn's waist, hitting a bruised rib and causing Dawn to hiss in pain. But she
didn't pull away from her sister's embrace. She'd waited too long for this to
let a little thing like pain get in the way.
##
Spike stayed well ahead of
the two slayers, but not so far away that he couldn't come to their aid if they
got into trouble. Neither of them was in any shape to fight again tonight.
He pulled out his cigarettes,
lit one and drew on it angrily. Buffy had wanted to kill him. He couldn't fight
her and she'd known that, had been going to stake him anyway. He felt betrayed.
All he'd done for her, for the niblet, and she was
going to put him down like a dog?
He could hear them talking
behind him. So all was well with the Summers girls,
eh? Well bloody good for them.
Dawn laughed, a silvery
tinkle of sound. His anger faded for a moment and he smiled. She deserved to be
happy. He'd tried to give that back to her however he could. Some small measure
of happiness, of normal life. He knew he was a poor substitute for her real
family but she'd seemed to respond. Hell, he knew she loved him. She'd fought
for him tonight. Gone up against her own sister just to save him. He loved her
for it. And hated her. And he knew that she'd understand both sentiments.
Buffy on the other hand, definitely
woke up on the wrong side of the bloomin' portal. Couldn't
forgive him and he wasn't even sure what he'd done to need forgiving for. Other
than being there when she wasn't. Maybe that was it. She was jealous and
feeling guilty and probably a hundred other emotions that she'd never own up
to.
She was so closed off. He'd
watched her over the years become harder and harder. Till she'd evolved into
the banshee he'd just seen in the cemetery. He wanted to believe this was
temporary, just a period of adjustment. But deep down, he was afraid it wasn't
that at all.
It was never easy when other
people took your place. Made you do the crazy. When Angelus came back to Dru
and him, at first he'd been happy but then all he'd
felt was alone as the bastard had pushed him and his wheelchair to the corner
and made merry with Dru. In reaction, Spike had done the unthinkable. Turned
against his own kind and allied himself with a slayer, if only temporarily at
the time. All to get back what had been his. Was Buffy willing to do the same
now? Was that what was going on? If so, he and Faith had better watch their
backs. Suddenly he didn't like the idea of sleeping two floors below the newly
reborn slayer.
Was that it then? Was he a
dead man? Dawn had warned her off, but what would she really do if Buffy killed
him? What could she do? Certainly the Watcher's
Council would be happy. But he suspected Giles wouldn't. And if Buffy
threatened Faith? He thought of how Giles and Faith looked at each other. He
suspected Giles hid a darker streak than any of them knew. That he'd do
anything to protect Faith. Anything. Even maybe kill Buffy. Which would make
Giles darker than Spike, because the vampire knew that, even without a bloody
chip in his head, he couldn't kill her. He loved her. And if that wasn't hell
playing its best joke yet, he didn't know what was.
"Did you find her?"
He heard Faith coming up quick on his left.
"Oh yeah. Ms. Lazarus
tried to stake me."
"What?" It was
Giles, joining them.
"Said it would be better
for Dawn." Spike lit another cigarette. "Little Bit fought her off
though. Did a damn good job. They're just behind, limping home together."
Faith looked back.
"You don't want to
interrupt them. Buffy won't like it."
She glared at him. "Screw
Buffy. I'm worried about Dawn."
"Dawn's fine. It's you
and me that should be nervous."
Her eyes met his. He could
tell she knew exactly what he meant. They all started walking.
"Do you want to stay at
my place?" Giles asked.
"You mean in the
bathtub?"
"I rather thought the
guest room. Faith isn't using it anymore."
Spike stared at Giles, amazed
at the offer.
Giles shrugged. "I'd
hate to lose your first-hand knowledge before I've finished my
retrospective."
Spike laughed.
"And Buffy does seem a
bit..."
"Unhinged," Faith
finished for him. "Unstable, loony, psychotic. I could go on?"
"No need." His look
was sad.
"I'm kind of an expert
on being out there emotionally, Giles. B's on the ledge."
"She's been through a lot."
"Yeah. Well she needs to
get over it," Faith said.
"With time she might. She
hasn't even been back a day," Spike said, knowing
he was a fool to defend her but unable to stop himself. "I've got to
believe there's hope. You know?"
Giles nodded. "I do
know. And you're right."
"I hope so. In the
meantime, you and Faith should shove off. I think seeing you will be like spark
to the tinder."
"You're not coming back
with us?" Faith's face was a study in disbelief. "Are you nuts?"
"No. If I run now, I
might as well never stop. I live in that house. I'm Dawn's watcher. It's time
Buffy realized that."
"You're an idiot,"
Faith said, looking like she might try to make him come with them.
"I prefer to think I'm
an optimist. But I guess if I'm not on this sodding planet tomorrow, you'll
know your opinion was the more accurate."
They were getting close to
the house now. Giles pulled Faith away so Buffy wouldn't see them. "Good
luck, Spike. Come over if you need to."
"I appreciate
that." He waved jauntily to the watcher and slayer before bounding up the
stairs. Faith watched him for a few moments before hurrying down the block with
Giles.
"Buffy?" Willow
rushed the door. "Oh. It's you."
"You know, that's
probably the nicest greeting I've had tonight. Isn't that pathetic?" He
saw the others waiting. "She and Dawn are just behind. And she's not in a
good mood. I suggest those who don't live here might want to clear out."
Xander stood up. "I
guess that's our cue."
Amy looked at Willow
uncertainly.
The redhead went to her. "I
know you want to go home, Amy. But you can't. Not till we figure out how to
explain your being gone so long."
"I know," Amy's
voice was very small. "I just really want to see my dad."
"And he really wants to
see you too. And he will, very soon. Just not yet, okay?"
Amy nodded. "So I'm staying here?"
Xander nudged Anya. She
turned to Amy. "We have a couch, it's not comfortable but it does have the
benefit of having no angry slayers in the immediate vicinity. You can stay with
us if you want. I mean, till we figure out how to get you home."
"Really?" Amy's
face lit up. "That is so nice of you, Anya." She looked at the door
nervously. "Can we go now?"
"Absolutely,"
Xander said, bustling them both out the back door.
Tara walked over to Spike. "What
happened?"
"She tried to kill
me," he said as he headed for the stairs to the basement. "May try
again later. If she succeeds, I want you two to know that I think you make a
nice couple. Love's hard to find, so hold on to it."
"You're going to
hide?"
He shook his head and felt
anger fill him again. "No. Dammit. I'm going to sleep. Seemed to have
missed some of that in all the excitement." He slammed out of the room
just as the two slayers came in.
"Where's Spike?" he
heard Buffy ask.
"Downstairs,"
Willow said, in a tone that seemed to imply that she thought he belonged there.
"Whatever." Footsteps
crossed the room.
He lay down on his bed,
didn't even take his coat off. He closed his eyes but the scene in the cemetery
played over and over in his mind.
He listened as the sounds
upstairs slowly ceased. The witches went to their room. He could hear Dawn
telling Buffy to go to bed, Buffy agreeing. Soon it was silent. He pictured
them all asleep. Dead tired. Wrung out.
All except one. He could
imagine Buffy rising from her bed. She'd be in some whimsical pajama set
completely at odds with the determination in her eyes, the stake in her hand. She'd
walk as quietly as she ever had out of the room, across the hall, down the
stairs and around to the door to the basement. She'd creep down the stairs
stopping only at the bottom to make sure he was asleep.
Buffy walked in. It was too
dark for a human to see what outfit she had on. Fortunately
he wasn't human. She'd kill him wearing sushi pajamas. He almost laughed out
loud.
He reached over and turned on
the light. She blinked rapidly, eyes trying to adjust, her body automatically
taking a defensive pose.
"I'm not going to fight
you."
"You can't fight
me." Her tone was expressionless.
"Right. But I'm not even
going to try to talk you out of it." He sat up, pulled a pillow up for a
backrest. "Not going to beg for my life. Or tell you all the good I've
done these past few months. Not going to remind you how it was you who told me
to watch over Dawn in the first place."
"Are you ever going to
shut up?"
He looked at her eyes. "Don't
you even care why I'm not going to fight?"
"Not really, no."
"Well, I'll tell you
anyway."
"I can guess. You love
me. And if you can't have me, you'd rather be dead."
He burst out laughing. "You
really are a piece of work, Summers."
She took a step away from the
bed, clearly taken aback. "That wasn't the right answer?"
"Not even close." He
grabbed a cigarette and lit it. Gesturing to the bed, he said, "Have a
seat and I'll explain it."
She sat gingerly. Her
expression was the most normal he'd seen her wear all evening. "Okay. Explain
it to me, Spike."
"Here's how I see it. You
don't trust me but Dawn does. She trusts you too. That'll be confusing for her.
We continue to fight, then she's going to have to choose sides. She gets
distracted. And some night that could get her killed. I couldn't live with
that. She needs to live. That means you and I can't be squabbling. But you
don't seem inclined to see me as anything but the big bad. And hell, maybe
that's what I really am. Who ever heard of a vampire watcher anyway?"
She didn't say anything.
"So, since you can't
accept me, and I won't go away, one of us has to die. You've already died
twice, which puts you one up on me. So I guess it's my
turn. Once I'm gone, and Niblet gets over it,
there'll be peace. And she'll be safe. And that's what really matters. For
Dawn, I'll die." He blew out a ring of smoke. "But not for you,
Buffy." He stubbed out the cigarette and stood up.
She scrambled up after him,
stake poised.
"I told you. I wasn't
going to fight. Do your bleeding worst, Buffy." And with that he stretched
out his arms and closed his eyes. He could feel his coat fall away from his
body, leaving the chest area of his shirt perfectly exposed. He felt the rush
of air as she pulled back her arm. Heard the slight sound of the downward turn
of the stake. Held his breath and forced himself to stay still as he waited for
it to strike home.
The silence in the basement
was shattered by the sound of a stake hitting the concrete floor.
He opened his eyes.
Buffy was breathing hard. There
were angry tears in her eyes.
"I'm her watcher," he
said as firmly as he could given that he was trembling.
"Fine. You're her
watcher." She spun on her heel and was gone.
Spike waited till the
basement door closed before he collapsed onto the bed. "Bloody hell that
was an idiotic thing to do." But then he lay back on the bed and smiled. It
may have been stupid, but it had been the only thing to do. He began to
chuckle, then to laugh outright. It helped him work out the nerves as he
replayed the scene in his head. Finally, exhausted in mind and body, he closed
his eyes and slept.
##
It was a quiet walk home. Faith
kept thinking about Spike. Wondered at the bravery or foolhardiness that made
him go back to the house.
She followed Giles into the
courtyard and waited as he unlocked the door then she walked past him into the
apartment.
He turned on the light. Just
stood for a moment, staring down, eyes unfocused.
She stared at him and saw the
disappointment he no longer tried to hide.
He looked up to meet her
eyes. "She hates me," he said.
"No. She hates me. You're
just guilty by association. If I were gone, she'd probably forgive you in a
second."
He seemed to consider that as
he walked past her and headed into the kitchen. He poured himself a drink and
sipped it slowly. Finally he looked up at her. "That's
true, isn't it?" he asked, as if he were finally realizing the
consequences of his choice.
She felt something rise in
her. A need to protect herself. She grabbed her coat.
He was on her before she
could open the door. His eyes were wilder than she'd ever seen them.
"Giles?"
He kissed her hard, pushing
her up against the door. She almost panicked before she realized he wasn't
hurting her despite the roughness. He'd never been so fierce. Something in her
responded.
They tore at each other's
clothes. The sex was savage, as if neither could get enough of each other. When
it was over, they found themselves on the couch; several nearby pieces of
furniture were kicked over.
He pulled her to him again,
kissed her more gently but his eyes were still heated. "I need to tell you
something."
"Okay."
"You remember I told you
about the night Buffy died and what happened to Glory and to her host
Ben?"
"Yeah, why?"
He stroked her hair back,
nuzzled along her hairline, as if memorizing her scent. "That's not
exactly how it happened."
"How did it
happen?"
"Buffy would have let
him go. Once he healed, Glory would have come back and made Buffy pay. So I made sure that she couldn't. I killed Ben. In cold
blood. Nobody else saw. Nobody else knows." He pulled away from her, his
expression intent. "I've got his blood on my hands. And not just his. In
my past, there were others."
She stroked his face,
"You didn't mean to. You can't let it eat at you. That's the worst
thing."
He laughed softly. "It
doesn't eat at me, Faith. None of them do. Because I did what was necessary to
protect someone I loved." His eyes got very cold.
She was suddenly afraid. "I'm
not going to hurt Buffy."
He was surprised. "I
know that. Faith, did you think I meant..."
She nodded,
her body still tensed. She could have broken away from him easily, but the
power of his gaze held her in place.
"My love." His
voice was tender even as his eyes remained hard. "My dear, dear
love."
Her breath caught at the
words. He'd never said them in quite that way. "But,
we're both your loves aren't we? Buffy and I?"
He nodded. "You are. Both
of you. In very different ways, but I'd do anything to keep you safe. Even from
each other. If you tried to hurt her, I'd hunt you down. And if she tries to
harm you." His eyes were like ice. "I'll stop her."
She felt a thrill at his
declaration but couldn't help teasing, "Or die trying."
He smiled, the coldness in
his eyes melting. "Quite probably the latter."
She felt her tension fade as
she grinned. "Uh huh." She climbed off the couch, took his hand and
led him up the stairs. "It sounded great though."
"Yes?"
"Oh yeah," she said
as she pushed him into bed and followed him under the covers. "Really
great." She heard him sigh. "She could be okay, Giles. Maybe Spike's
right and it will just take time? I mean, I changed and I was way more screwed
up than B is."
He pulled her close. "I
hope you're right."
"Just give it some time.
And let her come to you." She settled in next to him. In a shy voice she
asked, "Can you say it again, Giles? What you called me before."
His arms tightened around
her. "My love."
"My love," she
whispered back, trying it out. She liked the sound of it.
##
Tara lay very still and
listened to Willow as she slept. Her lover was exhausted, worn out from too
little sleep, too many spells, and the disappointment of the night. After a few
more minutes of trying to lure sleep, Tara gave up and slipped out of bed. She
went down to the kitchen and started to fix herself some warm milk, then
realized the back door was ajar. She reached out with her mind to check the
wards. Nothing seemed amiss so she walked quietly to the door and peeked out.
Buffy sat on the stairs, head tilted up. "It's beautiful," she said
without turning around.
Tara walked to the stairs and
sat down beside Buffy. She looked up and saw the moon, full and huge directly
above them. "Yes, it is."
"Everything here is so
beautiful. Even the ugly things. I never realized that till I was in a place
that was featureless."
Tara didn't say anything.
Buffy turned to her. "Do
you like me, Tara?"
"What?"
"I mean do you really
like me?"
Tara sensed she didn't want
empty assurances that they got along. She considered the question. "I
don't know you all that well, Buffy."
"So
you don't like me?"
"I didn't say that. I
mean I do like you. But it's just..."
"Just what?"
"You're
kind of hard to know. You seem to keep yourself pretty much to yourself, you
know?" Was she saying this right?
Buffy sighed. "That's
what Riley used to say."
Tara made a dismissive sound.
"What? You didn't like
him?" Buffy smiled, the movement easing the tension on her face. "You'd
be one of the few."
Tara giggled. "I kind of
thought he was a big doofus. I mean a nice..."
"Doofus?"
She shrugged. "Yeah. Plus I think he was freaked by Willow and me."
"He never said anything,
which may mean you're right since he seemed to have an opinion about everything
else."
Tara nodded. "You two
made a cute couple but it wasn't meant to last."
"Do you know that or
just think that?"
"I get feelings,
impressions. I just seem to tune in to romance. Can sense how it's gonna go."
"Hmm. So
can you sense how it's gonna go with Faith and
Giles?"
Tara swallowed.
Buffy didn't press her, just looked
back up at the moon. "Do you like Faith?"
"I know her even less
than I do you," Tara answered carefully. "But I like how she treats
Dawn. And I like the way Mister Giles smiles when he's around her."
"You think she loves
him?"
"Yes." Tara knew
she hadn't picked the answer Buffy wanted. She didn't care.
"Hmm."
Tara whispered, "Did
you, um, I mean, is Spike..."
Buffy grimaced. "He's
fine."
"I heard you go down. Were
you going to kill him?"
Buffy didn't answer.
Tara frowned. "What
stopped you?"
Buffy took a deep breath. "I
didn't kill him because it would have been wrong."
Tara smiled. "That's
something I've always admired about you. That you do the right thing, no matter
what."
Buffy got up. "I don't
feel very admirable."
Tara followed her into the
house. "Give it some time."
"How much?"
Tara shrugged. "You were
in the portal a long time and it affected you." She ran her hand down
Buffy's arm, never actually touching skin. "Your energy is all hot and
sort of twisted up. But you'll be okay."
"Yeah?"
"Oh yeah," she
assured her. As Buffy headed upstairs, Tara added silently, "I hope."
##
Dawn woke to brilliant
sunshine. She'd been so tired that she'd forgotten to draw the curtains. She
remembered the events of the night and checked her leg. The gash was nearly
healed. Looking at it, she realized that she'd taken on her sister and had won,
or at least stopped her. Wow.
She suddenly had a horrible
feeling. Spike had been all alone in the basement. She leapt out of bed and ran
downstairs. Barreling around the corner to the basement stairs, she nearly
collided with Willow.
"Dawn? Can you come in to
the dining room, there's something we have to talk about?"
Willow looked so serious that
Dawn panicked. "Spike?" she screamed down the stairs.
He popped around the corner
from the dining room. "Bloody hell, Dawn, keep it down or the neighbors will
call the police."
She flung herself at him. "You're
okay!"
He caught her up with an
audible "ummph." "Well, I was,"
he said, his voice teasing in a way that made her feel better immediately. "Get
something to eat and get in here. We all need to talk."
She poured cereal quickly
into a bowl and splashed some milk over it before hurrying into the other room.
Spike was at one end of the table, Buffy at the other. They didn't look at each
other but the tension of last night was gone. Dawn wondered what she'd missed. She
sat down in the closest chair. Willow followed and chose the seat next to her. Tara
was already sitting down. She smiled at Dawn.
Buffy broke the silence. "I
know that life has been really crazy for you since I died, but now that I'm
back, things need to get back to normal."
"That means no more
skipping school," Willow said.
Dawn felt resentment grow
inside her. Had they all been discussing her while she slept? She looked over
at Spike. He gave her a chagrined smile.
"I don't skip that much.
Just when I'm really tired. School's boring anyway."
Buffy sighed. "You
didn't use to think that. You used to care about your grades."
Dawn laughed. "No. You think
I used to care. I didn't really exist before last year, remember? I never
really went to school. I don't really have an academic record. And the real me,
the one that does have to attend that hellhole, thinks it's stupid."
"It probably does seem
that way," Tara said, clearly trying to go for a sympathetic approach.
"But if you don't go to high school then you can't get into college. And
college is really fun—you don't want to miss that."
"If I live that
long."
"Dawn!" Buffy was
getting angry.
"Girl's got a
point," Spike said softly. "And it's not like you were student of the
year, Buffy. How important is going to school after all?"
Willow and Tara looked down,
but Buffy laughed. "How important? I'll tell you how important. I met
Willow and Xander there. And even Cordelia. I'd be dead a long time ago if I
didn't have friends."
Dawn answered back hotly,
"Yeah but they know you're the slayer. Mine don't. They think I'm using
drugs or something because I never do my homework and I can't tell them
things."
"Well maybe in time
you'll make a friend you can trust with your secret," Tara said gently.
"Whatever." Dawn
was feeling outnumbered and didn't like it.
Willow stroked her hair. "Enough
lecturing, huh, Dawnie? But just one more thing. Be
sure not to tell anyone at school about Buffy being back. Not till we figure
out how we're going to explain that.
"Yeah, okay." Dawn
studied her sister. "That won't be so hard. Giles will know what to
say."
Buffy's face tightened.
Spike said quickly,
"Well, he's not here right, so for now, Pet, just don't say
anything."
"Or about Amy."
Buffy said in her "I've gotta be Mom now"
tone.
Dawn was irritated and glared
at the others. "Why are you all treating me like the baby again? Is it
just because Buffy's home?"
"Nobody said you were a
baby, Dawn," Buffy shot back.
"That's the same tone of
voice you've always used with me." She looked around the table, saw four
pairs of concerned eyes. She stood, angrily kicking her chair back. "Okay,
let's all forget that I've been patrolling nightly for months now. Let's just
overlook the fact that I'm a slayer because it's so much more fun to treat me
like I'm ten."
"Dawn," Buffy began
but Dawn waved her off.
"I really don't want to
hear it. And I'm going to be late for school. Wouldn't want that
now would we?" She ran upstairs, showered and dressed quickly. Grabbing
her book bag and remembering too late that she'd done none of the homework, she
hurried down the stairs.
Buffy was waiting.
"What? Are you going to
walk me to school now? Maybe we could hold hands and you could remind me to
look both ways before I cross the street?"
Their eyes met and held. Buffy
looked away first.
"Have a good day at
school, Dawn."
"Can't be any worse than
here," she muttered as she stomped out of the house.
She was still fuming two
blocks later. A familiar voice interrupted her tirade.
"Something's got you
wicked pissed." Faith fell into step with her.
Dawn decided not to go into
it. "You're up early."
The other slayer shrugged it
off.
"You never get up this
early."
"Is it a crime to be
worried about you?"
Dawn shook her head. "I'm
fine."
"What about Spike? He
still among the undead?"
"Yeah, he's okay. But I
think something more must have gone on between him and Buffy. They're acting
all different now."
"What happened?"
"I don't know. I fell
asleep and didn't wake up until just a while ago. Some slayer, huh?"
"You've been through a
lot. Don't beat yourself up."
Dawn saw that the school was
in view. She turned to Faith. "I hate it that you can't just hang around
like before."
"I know. Me too. But
maybe that'll change."
Dawn made a face. "Why
is everything always up to Buffy? Who died and made her queen?"
Faith smiled. "I used to
wonder that very same thing."
Dawn laughed. "I miss
you, Faith. I love her and I'm glad she's back. But I kinda
wish things could go back the way they were."
Faith shook her head. "Not
gonna happen, kid. Buffy isn't going anywhere. We
just have to figure out how to deal with that."
"We could always run
away and join the circus."
"I think we already did
that."
They both laughed.
"Okay, this is my
stop," Dawn pointed at the school building.
"Okay."
Suddenly unwilling to let the
older girl go, Dawn hugged her tightly.
"What's that for,"
Faith asked, clearly uncomfortable.
Dawn smiled as she pulled
away. "Because I love you. And I don't think I've ever told you
that."
Faith seemed pleased at the
admission even though she didn't say anything for a long moment. "Maybe
you should say it to Buffy too."
"I did. I mean, I think
I did."
"Probably should make
sure. She might need to hear it." Faith gave her a shy smile. "Because
it sounds nice and all."
Dawn nodded. "I'll
remember."
"Okay. Later." Faith
turned and started walking but after a few steps she turned around. "I
love you too," she said softly. Then she hurried away.
Dawn smiled as she went inside
to face another school day.
##
Faith had covered several
blocks on the way back to Giles' apartment before she realized something was
following her. She scanned the area, cursing herself for getting careless just
because it was daylight. There were plenty of demons that could move about
freely in the sun.
She listened hard, but there
was only silence. She started walking again. Every sense was on alert. She
waited for the sound and heard it to her left. She spun, stared hard at the
house and trees in front of her. Whatever it was must be hiding around the
corner.
She pulled out her knife and held
it against her leg. "Okay, enough with the hide and seek. Come out where I
can see you."
Buffy stepped into view.
Faith felt her heart skip a
beat. She tried to order her features not to react even as she tightened her
grip on the knife. "What are you doing, Buffy?"
Buffy pursed her lips. "I
followed Dawn, then I saw you. So I followed
you."
Faith felt a shiver. She
resolutely told her fear to go away. But it didn't. Because she was afraid of
Buffy, even if she would go to her grave denying that fact. Now that she had people she loved that Buffy could take away from her, it only
made her more afraid. But she could still be cocky. "Wicked weird
behavior, B, but I'm willing to live and let live. So now that you've followed
me, howzabout taking your newly resurrected bod on
home where it belongs?"
Buffy moved closer and
studied Faith carefully. "You think I'm going to try to hurt you, don't
you?"
"Are you?" Faith no
longer tried to hide the weapon.
Buffy glanced at it. "A
knife? Haven't we played out this scenario before?"
Faith tried not to think of
that night, of Buffy winning, of how many times Buffy had won. "Yeah, but
we're not fighting." Calling on every ounce of courage she possessed,
Faith put the knife back in its hiding place.
She saw Buffy's look of
surprise. "We're not?"
"We're not."
Buffy came closer and stood
right in front of her. "Why aren't we fighting, Faith? I don't like you. You
don't like me. Sunnydale has never been big enough to hold us both."
Faith started to walk.
Buffy followed, continuing to
talk. "But it's not about us anymore, is it?"
"No. It's about Dawn."
"That's why you're here?
Because I don't remember you ever getting up before lunchtime."
"Yeah, that's why I'm
here. She's hurting, B. I know you can't see it, because you're hurting too. But
she's really been kicked around lately. She acts like it's all okay. And at
night—and you'll see this when you start patrolling with her—she can slay with the best of them. But deep down she's a
frightened little girl."
"She just told us this
morning that she wasn't a baby."
Faith rolled her eyes. "Well
of course she doesn't want to be treated like a child when she has to do an
adult's job. But that doesn't mean she isn't still a kid."
Buffy didn't say anything for
a while. When she spoke, her voice was very small. "I can still remember
what it felt like. Going to bed one night a normal, popular girl. And waking up
the next day to find out I was a freak."
Faith laughed. "I pretty
much went to bed a freak and woke up the same way. But I know what you're
saying. The whole destiny thing is pretty frickin'
heavy."
"Yeah."
"We both know it's a
death sentence, and death is one thing that Dawn's seen too much of
lately."
Buffy stopped and touched
Faith's arm to bring her to a halt too. "That's why I'm going to say this.
I don't like you, Faith. I wish you weren't here."
"Not exactly a
newsflash, B. And the feeling's mutual."
Buffy didn't seem to care. "I
don't like you. I may never like you. But Dawn does like you. You're important
to her. And everyone says you've changed."
Faith started to say
something, but Buffy cut her off. "I hate that you're here. And I really
don't like what's going on with you and Giles but that's none of my business. According
to Spike, you've spent as much time training Dawn as he has. And done a good
job of it too. She obviously looks up to you."
"She's my friend,"
Faith said simply, her eyes meeting Buffy's as she tried to force the other
slayer to deal with that.
"Your friend then. Whatever.
Bottom line is I want my sister to stay alive and as happy as she can be."
Faith began to relax.
"So as much as I'd like
to fight and force you yet again out of my life, I find I have to play
nice." Buffy held out her hand to the other slayer. "Truce?"
Faith considered for a
moment. She knew it could still be a set-up. Tentatively she reached out until
Buffy gripped her hand. She tensed, but nothing happened and relief filled her.
"Truce," she said.
Buffy let go and started
walking back toward the house. Then she stopped and turned around. Her face was
hard. "Truce or no truce, if you hurt Giles, I'll destroy you."
Faith straightened. "I'm
not going to hurt him."
"See that you
don't." Buffy turned and walked away fast.
Faith watched her go. So this was what an olive branch felt like. She wondered if
it was normally used to whip the other person in the face. She sighed. It
didn't matter. They needed peace between them. She and Buffy, all of them
really. They needed to get on with life again. To learn to fight together. So
that when the next evil thing came to town, they'd be ready.
But that was later. She
preferred to focus on now. And Giles might just be waking up. Their activities
the night before had worn him out. She hoped he wasn't still tired. Smiling in
what he would no doubt call a wicked way, she hurried back to the apartment.
FIN
Continue on to Part 6 - Truce