DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Twentieth Century Fox, Mutant Enemy, Paramount Studios, Inc
and Viacom. The story contents are the creation and property of Djinn and are
copyright (c) 2004 by Djinn. This story is Rated PG-13.
The Lost Years: Course Correction
by Djinn
Uhura looked around the
cafeteria, saw Decker and turned to Christine.
Her friend looked positively morose.
"Christine. Wipe that look off your face. Forget about Lori for five
minutes." She still was having
trouble believing the things Christine and Jim had told her had happened. The woman really had played them. Uhura was just glad that Nogura had shown up
when he did.
"I'm not thinking about
Lori," Christine said, but she did manage a smile.
"Well, then stop
thinking about Jim."
"Easier said than
done."
"Try." Uhura would have liked to have smacked both
Christine and Jim upside the head, but striking fellow officers--even for their
own good--was frowned upon. Especially
when one of them was an admiral.
Decker saw her coming toward
him and smiled. "Commander, I trust
your meetings weren't as big a waste of time as mine were? Why do they insist we come down here for
meaningless meetings when there's so much work to be done before launch?"
Uhura loved Decker's easy
smile; it was so welcoming.
"Bureaucracy uber alles? My meeting was only a moderate waste of
time."
"Lucky you." He laughed, turned to Christine. "Doctor, I'm glad you could join us."
She smiled back. "Thank you for inviting me."
Christine sounded awfully
formal to Uhura. She wanted to tell her
friend to loosen up.
Decker's smile faded. "Is everything all right, Doctor?"
"I'm sorry, sir. It's been a strange few weeks."
Uhura knew that Jim and
Christine had been looking with no luck for Lori nearly full time since the
woman had tried to kill Christine. Her
friend was tired...even if she didn't look it.
Uhura smiled, trying to cover
for her. "Christine finished up her
residency. Finally." She shot Christine a teasing look. She'd been giving her a hard time for missing
all the prep work on the Enterprise.
"Think you can show up
and take over, eh?" Decker was
smiling. But there was something
underneath the look. Something not so easy. Not so welcoming.
Christine met his eyes. "I know Nogura's forcing this CMO thing
down your throat. He's got it in his
head that I'm the one for the job."
"Are you convinced that you
are?"
She took a deep breath but
didn't look away. "I took a look at
the other staff physicians' bios. Read
their most recent evaluations. I think I
can hold my own."
Uhura bit back a smile. Slayer Christine came out at the most
interesting times.
Decker blinked, obviously not
expecting that.
Christine smiled
tightly. "If I'm going to be CMO, I
should know what I'm up against, right?
And the files were there for me.
I want to be prepared. I imagine
there will be some resentment."
Decker leaned forward. "I'm going to ask you a candid question
and I want a candid answer. If you were
in over your head, would you tell me?"
Christine didn't answer right
away. Uhura knew Decker would like
that. He valued a thoughtful, reasoned
response. Ready, fire, aim, was not his
way.
"I would." Christine scooted forward in her chair. "If I thought I couldn't handle it, I'd
tell you. And I'd tell Nogura. It's only fair. For the crew, for the people under me. For you."
He studied her, then leaned
back. He seemed to relax. "Okay.
I'm going to hold you to that. If
I hear that things aren't going well, I want it to be you giving me the bad
news."
Christine nodded.
"For what it's worth, I
wasn't wedded to the first selection.
Didn't even know him."
She nodded again, then she
leaned in even more. "I need to ask
you something."
"Ask away."
"You're going to have to
listen to me. I'm going to be your
conscience. The one who tells you to
slow down, to take a break, or to back off.
And I can relieve you of
duty. If you have doubts about my
ability to be CMO, will you be inclined to listen to me? Or are we going to have problems right from
the start?"
He laughed softly. "Not if you keep speaking your mind like
that." He grinned at Uhura. "Commander Uhura knows that I like to
see an officer capable of self expression."
Uhura smiled back.
Christine settled back in her
chair and turned her attention to eating--or at least pushing bits of her salad
around the plate. Decker watched her for
a moment, then went back to his lunch.
"Did you find your
perfect navigator?" Uhura asked. It
had become a joke between them.
Decker shot her a look she
didn't understand. He seemed suddenly
nervous. "Lieutenant Ilia. Do you know her?"
Uhura shook her head. "What's she like?"
"Deltan."
Both her and Christine's head came up.
He smiled. "She's nice. You'll like her."
"Everybody will like
her," Uhura joked and saw something flicker in his eyes.
He seemed eager to change the
subject. "We're even getting a
Vulcan science officer."
Christine's hand jerked.
He shot her a look. "You don't like Vulcans?"
"They're fine. Who is it?"
"A Commander Sonak. Admiral Kirk recommended him highly."
Christine nodded, seemed to
relax. Uhura watched her. Had she really thought that Spock was coming
back?
Christine never talked about
him anymore. Had she forgotten him?
Decker got up. "I hate to eat and run. But I have another meeting. Doctor, I'll see you soon?"
She nodded. "I'll be up the day after
tomorrow."
Uhura knew she was taking the
next day off. It was time to say
goodbye. Uhura would be doing that
too. Len was coming home, finally.
They'd only have one day
together. But it was better than
nothing.
She hoped.
---------------------
Kirk closed his eyes, tried
to sense where Weasel was, where his teacher would stage his next attack from in
this training exercise. He reached out,
sensed nothing.
Suddenly a jab of energy
knocked him off his feet. He fell
heavily to the mat Weasel had put down before they started.
Kirk had spent more time on
his butt than he had standing. He rubbed
at his eyes.
"Mac, I got to tell
you. You are not impressing anyone
today."
Kirk just nodded.
"You want to tell me
what's wrong?"
"Other than that I've
been chasing werewolves every night and getting no sleep?"
"Yeah, other than that."
Kirk pushed himself to his
feet. "She's leaving."
"Christine?"
Kirk nodded.
"Got sick of you, did
she?"
"She's shipping
out."
"Oh. Wow.
Did you know this?"
"It may have been my
idea."
Weasel chuckled. "Man, you do like to make your life a
mess, don't you?"
"She'll be safe on the
ship."
"Safe? Safe from whom?"
Kirk could feel his jaw
tighten.
Weasel sighed. "The woman loves you."
"I know."
"You love her."
Kirk nodded.
"Have you told
her?"
"What's the point? She's going away. I have to let her go. For her own good. She needs to make a future, her own
future."
"Yeah, it sounds pretty
noble, all right."
Kirk shot him a look. "You were the one who told me to not to
mess in a friend's nest."
"Well, yeah. But where is this friend? I thought he was a real person, not this
hypothetical thing."
"Spock's not
hypothetical."
"Well, he's also not
here." Weasel sat down. "So when does she leave?"
"Today's her last
day." Kirk looked at the
chrono. It was early. She'd just be getting up at the visiting
officer quarters. He'd wanted to invite
her to stay with him when she'd moved out of her apartment. But he'd known that he wouldn't have been able
to keep his hands off of her if she was with him for too long. The VOQ was safer.
"And she'll be back
when?"
Kirk shrugged.
"Guess."
"It's a five-year
mission, Weasel."
"Oh." He shook his head. "Sucks to be you, my friend."
"I was hoping for some
encouragement."
"Sorry."
There was a long silence,
then Weasel said, "I was in love once."
"Only once?"
Weasel nodded. "I was sort of focused on the
magic. But when it hit, it hit
hard. She was amazing."
"What happened to
her?"
"She died." Weasel wasn't meeting Kirk's eyes. "Because of me. Because of a spell I did."
"I'm sorry. Is that why...?"
Weasel nodded. "It was not a good time for me. I was so single minded. I was convinced the rules didn't apply to me. I took too many risks. She was an innocent bystander. She got caught in the crossfire." He looked up finally. "The thing about love is that you don't
know how strong it is it until it's gone.
And then it's too late."
Kirk nodded.
"We don't get second
chances, Jim. Life just doesn't work
that way. When I told you to stay away
from her, I'd never met her and I didn't know you very well. I'd never seen you together."
Kirk held up his hand. "I appreciate the pep talk but
don't." He knew his face was
hard. Unyielding. And a total lie. He wanted Weasel to talk him into doing the
selfish thing. He wanted him to say it
was all right to have her. To keep
her. To tell her not to leave him.
"Okay. I won't." Weasel pushed himself out of the chair. "How long do you plan on moping once
she's gone?"
Kirk shrugged.
"Life is pain, Mac. And you are determined to wallow. So I'm not going to get in your
way." He motioned for Kirk to move
back. "Now, let's try this
again. And pay attention this
time."
Kirk closed his eyes, reached
out with his magic, looking for Weasel.
Another bolt of energy knocked him backward.
It was going to be a long
morning.
------------------------
Christine stood outside the
Los Angeles-Santa Monica transporter station.
The sun shone down brightly, the water sparkled, and she could hear the
sounds of children squealing from the rides on the pier. This seemed like an odd place to find a
vampire. Or two.
She checked the instructions
she'd printed out. It was a short walk
according to the map. She set out,
wondered at the lack of pedestrians as she walked past small houses and
not-so-small apartment buildings. A few
blocks later, she was into a business district and she checked the addresses
until she found the right one.
She took the elevator to the
top floor, and walked down the hall, finally opening a door onto a spacious and
very well-lit corner suite of offices.
"I'm sorry," she said, to the receptionist, as she took in the
floor to ceiling windows through which a copious amount of sunshine was
spilling. "I must have the wrong
place."
The young man nodded, then
answered the comm unit. "Angel
Investigations. We help the
helpless."
"Or maybe not," she
said softly, walking back to his desk.
He transferred the call and
said, "Can I help you, sweetie?"
"I'm looking for
Spike."
"He's not here right
now." The receptionist handed her a
padd. "Feel free to leave him a
message. If it's dirty, let me listen." He winked at her.
"Excuse me. Did you say you were looking for Spike?"
She turned. A young man, handsome, a bit dour, stood in
front of her. Loomed in front of her
might be more exact.
"I did. Do you know when he'll be back?"
"I expect him any
time."
"Then I'll just
wait..."
He didn't say anything. Just studied her.
"Not one for small talk,
are you?"
"You're Christine,
right?"
"You must be Angel."
He nodded.
"He's talked about
me?" she asked.
"Oh, yeah," he
said, with such a longsuffering voice that she laughed.
"Talked your ear off, I
guess."
"Well, he can do that
normally. It just gets worse when it's
about a woman." He suddenly smiled.
She was charmed by the warmth
the smile brought to his face.
"You're not what I
expected," he said.
"I could say the same
thing. You're probably the oldest
vampire I've met. I mean I thought
Drusilla was old."
"That's right. You killed Drusilla. I was her sire."
She tensed. "Were you fond of her?"
He shot her a startled look,
then laughed. "Oh. No.
Relax. It's fine. I mean, not fine
fine, but not a problem."
She laughed. "Good.
I'm glad we've got that straight."
"Can I get you some coffee?" He led her to a small room off the
reception. "I have to admit, you're
the oldest slayer I've ever seen."
He seemed to realize what he'd said and quickly turned to the coffee
machine. "I mean, you look
great..."
"For my age?" She laughed again. "I like it with cream, thanks."
He nodded, seemed grateful
for something to do.
"You don't get out much,
do you?" she asked.
"No." He smiled again, a shy, sort of sad smile.
She had a sudden urge to take
him out somewhere fun just to see if he could smile for any longer than a few
seconds.
"Oh, now, see. This is exactly why I didn't want you to meet
him." Spike stood at the door.
"Hey." She threw herself at him.
He caught her up in his
arms. "Hey, yourself."
She could feel the grin he always
brought out. It was nearly splitting her
face. He was grinning too.
"I'll leave you two
alone," Angel said.
"Oh, don't leave on my
account," Spike said as he leaned in and kissed her.
It was a really good kiss.
When he let her go, Angel was
gone.
"Now, that was
fun." He let her go. "What are you doing here? No, wait, don't tell me. You decided you couldn't live without me and
you're moving to la-la land?"
She laughed. "No." She touched his cheek, loving how lighthearted
he was, even after centuries. She should
take a lesson from him on enjoying life.
"Then what? You're getting married and need someone to
give you away?"
She could feel her smile
fade. "No."
He studied her. "You all right?" He led her out of the room, to an office. A sunlit office.
"Do you want to explain
these windows to me?"
"They're necro-tempered. Some
kind of magical process. Angel
knows. He knows all the boring
stuff." He leaned in. "We heard there was some trouble down
your way? Whole lot of watchers and
slayers."
She nodded. "Didn't see you busting your ass to get
down there and help me."
"That many slayers, you
don't want me. They tend to view a
vampire as the enemy. And the soul
explanation...it takes too long to get out."
She nodded. "We were fine anyway. But it was nasty. I lost someone--a couple of someones--who I cared about."
He cocked his head, studied
her. "But you seem okay. Haven't been hitting the demon bars, have
you?"
"No." She laughed.
There was a whole chunk of her life that only this man had shared.
"Why are you here,
pet?"
"Well, seeing you behind
a desk was worth the trip."
He laughed, leaned back in
the chair and kicked his feet onto the desk.
He lit a cigarette and put his hands behind his head. "Better?" he asked between puffs.
"No smoking in the
office, Spike," Angel called from the hallway as he walked past.
"You don't have to
breathe it," Spike yelled after him.
"You don't have to breathe at all.
Big wanker." He grinned at Christine. "He and I don't get on."
She laughed. "I came to say goodbye. I'm shipping out. On the Enterprise again. And in a really strange sequence of events, I
find myself the Chief Medical Officer."
He smiled. "That's great, Christine. How long will you be gone?"
"Five years."
"Not long then."
She laughed. Vampires did have a different way of looking
at time. "No, for you, not
long." For Jim? She sighed.
"Leaving something
behind are you?" He leaned in. "Or someone?"
She nodded. "I'd rather not talk about it."
"Your choice." He smiled.
"Are you excited? A new
opportunity."
"I guess so. It's complicated."
"It's always complicated
for you, love. You really need to
simplify your attitude. Smokes, beer, football,
and shagging. That's the way to live. Oh and harassing Angel."
She laughed. "I love you."
He reached over, took her
hand. "I love you too. Sometimes, I wish..."
She nodded. "It would definitely be fun."
He smiled sadly. "We're so good at being fun together,
but we don't tend to choose that otherwise, do we? Always diving into the middle of the angst
pool."
"Yep. That's us.
Angst addicts."
"I think they have
support groups for that now." He grinned. "So, you going to be here a while? Maybe stay the night?" His grin grew larger.
"It's a tempting
offer. But I can't." Part of her still wanted Spike. But it was a small part. She couldn't do that to Jim--didn't want to
do it to him.
How long would she cling to
the idea that she and Jim could have something?
Five years? Ten? Would it end only when she saw him happy with
someone else?
That idea hurt more than she
could stand.
"This is that same bloke
you were going on about before, isn't it?"
She nodded.
"You two still haven't
shagged?" He laughed in
disbelief. "You're losing your
touch, Christine."
"Don't remind
me." She stood up. "I have to get back. I just couldn't leave without saying
goodbye."
He stood up and walked around
the desk to her. "I'll miss
you."
She pulled him to her, hugged
him tightly. "I'll miss you
too. Thank you. For everything."
He kissed her cheek. "You don't have to thank me, love. I got a real sweet deal with you." He let her go. "I hope your fella
figures things out before too long. If I
can tell you're in love, surely he can?"
"He knows. He loves me.
It's compl--"
"--Complicated. I know." He moved back to his
chair. "Okay, beat it. I've got work to do."
"Is this even your
office?"
"Yeah, it's mine."
She looked around the empty
walls. "You should fix it up. Put art up or something."
"Make it mine?"
She nodded. "Put some roots down. It'd be good for you."
"Says the original
rolling stone."
She laughed. "Well, I found one person I'd put roots
down for. Unfortunately, that's not an
option." She headed for the door. "Be careful." She looked back at him. "I mean it."
"You too."
They stared at each other for
a long moment, then she smiled and turned away.
She walked down the hall, saw Angel talking to the receptionist.
"You're
leaving?" He smiled at her, the
goofy smile that made her feel warm inside.
"I am." She held out her hand, didn't react at all to
how cold his skin was when he took it.
He smiled. "So, you like our William?"
"He's a good man."
"If you say
so." He laughed. It was only slightly mocking.
"You treat him right, or
we'll have to have a talk." She
gave him a mellow version of the slayer glare.
"I think you've got that
backwards. I'm the one you should be
worried about." He leaned in, said
conspiratorially, "Spike loves to make my existence a living hell."
She laughed and shook her
head. "It was nice meeting
you."
"Likewise." He suddenly looked down, an awkward smile on
his face. "If you ever want to get
coffee?"
She bit back a laugh. "I'm sort of spoken for." By a reluctant admiral. And after him she figured the nemesis of this
awfully cute if somewhat socially retarded vampire had a prior claim.
"Right. Had to try." He nodded, smiled one last time and walked
into his office. No trace of awkwardness
in his stride.
She saw Spike had been
watching them from his office.
"How old are you
two? Nine?" She shook her head.
Spike laughed, and she
thought she heard a chuckle from Angel's office.
"Bye," she said.
Spike raised his hand, then
walked back into his office.
The receptionist leaned in
and whispered. "Come back anytime,
sweetie. Things get really interesting
when you're around." He winked at
her, then went back to his work.
She looked at his forehead a
little closer. Were those...horns? And was he sort of green?
He looked up. "Take a picture, gee." He made a face. "I'm a little bit demon. Do you have a problem with that?"
She held up a hand. "No problem. I was just leaving." She tried her best smile.
He huffed but finally smiled.
She opened the door and
hurried away before she could get in any more trouble.
-----------------
Uhura sat in the late
afternoon Savannah sunshine, cuddled against Len. He tightened his hold on her, looked down and
kissed her.
She sighed.
"I missed this," he
said. "My backyard. You. A
lazy afternoon."
She nodded.
"It's not the end of the
world, hon. We'll see each other."
She nodded again.
"Ny. Talk to me."
"I feel like we're going
off on different paths."
"That's because we
are." He laughed softly. "Doesn't mean the paths won't converge
every once in a while."
She smiled. "You believe that? That we can last?"
He kissed her again. "We can last. Till the sun doesn't shine, and the sea stops
running to the shore."
She laughed. "Mighty poetic, Mister Doctor Man."
He grinned. "That was pretty, wasn't it?" He sighed.
"I did miss you. It was a
long time to be away. It's going to be even
longer now."
She nodded. "If you don't want to wait...I'll
understand."
He shot her a suspicious
look. "You trying to get out of
this?"
"No. But maybe you'll meet someone."
He laughed. "I'm a cranky old country doctor who's
in love with a beautiful, talented woman who loves me back. Why in god's name would I want to meet
someone?" He looked at her suspiciously
again. "Unless you met
someone?"
She shook her head. Unless David counted, and she didn't think he
did. Especially since he was dead
now. And he was evil. Sort of.
"I guess I'm just worried about us."
"I know. We'll be fine."
She pulled away. "I'm also worried about Jim." It still felt a bit odd to refer to him as
Jim. For so long, she hadn't been in the
circle that called him that.
Len's face tightened.
She hit him on the
shoulder. "Stop that! You're the big healer...stop being such an
asshole about this."
His eyes widened at her
language.
"He's going to be
hurting. He loves her."
Len looked confused. "Her who?"
"See, if you'd been
here, you'd know this already." She
sighed, cuddled back against him.
"He's in love with Christine.
He won't let himself have her because of Spock. She's leaving and he's going to be
hurting. That's what you need to
know."
"Okay."
"And what I expect you
to do is to patch things up with him and make sure he's okay. Because he's in love with her. Not just sort of interested. Really in love with her."
"I get the picture, darlin'."
"Okay." She tried to laugh. She hadn't meant to get so wound up. "I'm sorry. We've just been through a lot, the three of
us. And I care so much about them and
he's not going to have anyone when we're gone..."
Len tipped her head up, saw
she was fighting tears. "Hey, it's
okay. I'll make sure he's all right. I'll find a way to patch things up. It may take some time, though. He's as stubborn as I am."
She sighed. "I know."
He kissed her. "I'm sorry I wasn't here. I should have been here."
She shook her head, wiped
away her tears. "No. You were where you were supposed to be. It was just hard. Without you." She kissed him softly. "I really love you, you know."
He smiled. "I really love you too." His arm tightened on her. "I'm going to miss the hell out of you. And I'm going to go broke flying hither and
yon trying to catch up with that damned ship."
She laughed. "I'll spot you some credits."
He smiled. "Yeah?"
She nodded.
"Well, that's all right
then." He kissed her again, and
held her close.
They sat silently as the sun
moved lower in the Savannah sky, closing down their last day together.
Kirk puttered around his
quarters. He kept looking at the
chrono. Eighteen more hours and she'd be
gone.
He tried to ignore how his
stomach tightened at the thought. He'd
be fine. He had a life here that didn't
have to involve Chris. He'd be perfectly
fine.
Just a long way from happy.
He sighed.
His door chime rang. He hurried to it. Knew it was her before he opened the door.
"Hi," she said.
"Hi."
They stood there like two
awkward teenagers.
"Can I come in?"
she finally asked.
He moved aside immediately.
"I went to L.A. To say goodbye to Spike."
He felt a wave of jealousy.
"I met Angel. He's even older than Spike. But younger, I think, when he was
turned. It's hard to tell."
Kirk found he couldn't care
less about Angel's age. Was there a
polite way to ask the woman you loved if she'd had carefree sex while she'd
been gone?
She moved closer to him. "I just went to their office. Didn't stay long." She smiled.
He felt a surge of
relief. "You could have stayed as
long as you wanted."
"I know. That was how long I wanted to stay. Not long.
I just thought...you'd want to know."
He laughed. "And I do." He sighed.
"God help me, I do." He
walked to his bar. "Can I get you a drink?"
"You don't have to treat
me like a guest." She moved beside
him. He could feel her next to him. Not touching him, but so close their personal
energy fields were overlapping. He
sighed. He even found her energy
unrelentingly sexy.
"Jim."
He poured himself a Scotch
and moved away from her. "Fix
whatever you like."
He sat down. In the chair not the couch. His last memory of them on the couch was of
waking up with her on top of him.
She surprised him by sitting
down on the floor in front of his chair.
She leaned back and hit his legs.
Without turning to look at him, she put her drink down and moved his
legs to either side, easing back between them.
He slid back in the chair, but
his hand stole out to stroke her hair.
He heard her moan softly, and he closed his eyes.
She was leaving. And he wanted her more than he would have
believed possible. He wanted to slide
off his chair and push her down and make love to her for the rest of their time
together.
She took a sip of her
drink. "Tell me to stay. And I will."
"I'm not going to tell
you that." He laughed, the sound
came out bitter. "Besides, it's too late.
Nogura thinks you'll look for Kirsu." It wasn't true, but Nogura didn't need to
know that. "If you transfer off
now, he'll separate us as punishment.
You will get that garbage scow."
She sighed but didn't argue.
He put his drink down and
leaned forward, loosening her hair from its clips and letting it fall over his
hands.
"Jim." Her voice was so soft. So sensual.
He wanted her. He wanted her so damn much it was killing
him.
He let go of her hair, picked
up his drink and took a long, desperate gulp of Scotch.
Then he put the glass
down. Getting drunk was not the way to
go.
"You report in at
noon?" he asked.
She nodded.
"Are you excited?"
She shrugged.
"Help me out here,
Chris."
She suddenly leaned against
his leg, pressing her head on his thigh, as if hiding. He sighed.
Then he leaned forward and gently pushed her away enough that he could
get up.
She watched him silently. Her eyes were sad but otherwise
unreadable. What did she want? Other than the impossible.
He began to pace.
"I talked to Decker yesterday,"
she finally said into the silence.
"He seems okay with me being CMO."
"He doesn't have a
choice." He immediately felt
bad. "That's not what I
meant."
"I know what you
meant. And no, he doesn't have a
choice. But he's taking it with good
grace. He said he was ambivalent on the
CMO selection, so the person I bumped isn't someone he'll resent losing."
"That's good
then." He looked at her.
She wasn't looking at him.
"Did you think about
it?" he asked, the words coming out before he could stop them.
She looked up at him. Confused.
"Sleeping with
Spike?"
She didn't look away. "I did.
For a moment. It would have been
fun."
More fun than this, her words
seemed to say.
"Why didn't you?"
"He's not who I
want. He's a lovely, giving, fun
man. And it would have been a wonderful diversion. Nothing more." She took a sip of her drink. "He's not who I want." She looked up suddenly, captured his eyes.
He couldn't look away.
"Is that the right
answer? Is that what you wanted to
hear?"
He felt stung. "I just want the truth."
"Well, that was
it." She still didn't look away.
"Then that was the right
answer."
She nodded, finally broke the
spell and looked away.
He took a deep breath, turned
to the window. He wanted her to go. He wanted her to stay. He wanted her to sit
there, safely across the room from him.
He wanted her to get up, and
walk across the room and press herself against his back, with her arms around
him.
Like she was doing now.
"Jim."
He turned, pulled her to
him. Kissed her hard, with all the
passion he felt.
She moaned, kissed him back
even harder. She moved against him,
rubbing sinuously as her hands locked behind his neck, pulling him against her
harder.
If he could, he would crawl
into her and never come out. He thought
she would do the same, she was moving against him with such urgency.
Was this how it had been for
her and Spock?
He pulled away, no easy task
when she was holding him so firmly.
"Chris, no."
She sobbed in frustration,
let go of him and turned away.
"Why? Why no? I'll be on the ship tomorrow. We'll be leaving orbit soon after. What does it matter? Just love me.
Just this once."
"I can't love you just this
once. Don't you understand? If I love you at all, it'll be forever."
She moved back to him. "Then do that. Forever sounds good. I'll love you that long too." She tried to kiss him but he held her away
from him. "Jim. Please.
I'm dying. If you don't touch
me..."
He pulled her close, held her
tightly, but in a way that didn't allow her to kiss him. "I know.
God, Chris, don't you think I know?"
"Why? Why can't we have this? Just one night?" She moved away from him, too strong for him to
try to hold against her will. But she
didn't try to kiss him. "I love
you."
He shook his head, knew the
expression on his face would be helpless.
But resolved.
"I'm in love with you,
Jim. I want you. I like you.
I can't imagine life without you.
What more do you need to hear?
What can I say to convince you that this is right?"
He shook his head.
She collapsed against
him. But she didn't cry.
He kissed her hair. "I will be your friend forever. I will die for you."
"But you won't live for
me."
"You know why."
She sighed, then she pulled
away. "I better go." She looked down. "I was hoping I could stay here
tonight."
"It's not a good
idea."
She nodded, not meeting his
eyes.
"Chris. Look at
me."
She shook her head.
"Look at me."
She slowly looked up. There were tears in her eyes.
"I love you. More than I have ever loved anyone."
She closed her eyes, her chin
began to tremble.
"Just one more night,
Chris. That's all there is to get
through, and then you'll be safely on the ship, and your whole life will be
ahead of you. A new life. Without the constant patrols. Without me." He touched her cheek, wiped a tear away. "It'll be better."
She looked up at him. "No.
It won't." Her voice was
flat, and unhappy. She suddenly stood
very straight. "Am I dismissed,
sir?"
"Chris."
She didn't answer. Just stood rigidly at attention.
He pursed his lips. Anger, desperate lonely anger filled
him. "You're dismissed,
Lieutenant."
"Thank you,
sir." She turned, a perfect about
face. Her stride was perfect. All the way to the door.
Then she sobbed.
He was beside her instantly,
pulling her back to him, his mouth on hers, his hands holding her as close as
he dared. He kissed her cheeks, her
throat, her forehead, went back to her lips.
"Don't forget me,"
she whispered as he pulled away.
"I never could. I'll never--" He broke off, couldn't talk for the lump in
his throat. He closed his eyes to hold
back the tears that had appeared against his will. One of them escaped, ran down his cheek.
"Oh god, Jim. Don't.
Please don't." She wiped the
tear away, smiled brokenly as he kissed hers away. "I love you. I will always love you," she said, then
she pulled away and fled.
As his door closed behind
her. He held his hand out.
"Chris."
He felt the emptiness of his
world close around him, stumbled to the bar and poured himself another Scotch
and drank it down quickly. Then he drank
another. He drank past the point where
he might call her back. Drank until all
he could do was sit in his chair and think about her.
Until he passed out.
By the time he woke up, she
was gone.
-------------------------------------
Uhura looked over at
Christine. Her friend had said very
little when she got off the shuttle. Her
quarters were nice, but she didn't seem to care.
"Was it bad?"
Christine nodded.
"I'm sorry."
"Yeah. Me too."
Christine's voice had the sound of someone who knew if she talked too
much, she'd break down.
"Maybe...in time?"
"I don't think
so." Christine opened her bags,
started to unpack, then she stopped, holding a uniform close, staring down at
the bed. "I feel like I'm going to
die, Ny."
Uhura hurried to her, pulled
the uniform gently away and forced her to sit.
She knelt in front of her and forced her chin up.
"Christine, you listen
to me. I believe love will always find a
way. And I know that you love him. And that he loves you so much that it breaks
my heart that this is happening to the two of you. But you have to have faith."
"Faith? In what?" Christine pulled away from Uhura's hand. "How do you have faith if you don't
believe in anything anymore?"
"I'll believe for
you."
Christine shook her
head. "I'm pretty sure that's not
how it works."
"It can. If you want it to."
Christine met her eyes, and
Uhura tired to put her most unwavering belief in her expression.
"And Len? Is that what you believe for you two?"
Uhura had to look away.
"See. Not so easy when it's your own heart, now is
it?" Christine's words were harsh,
but she touched Uhura's shoulder, grasped it gently.
"I still believe. Len and I will be okay."
"I know you will. But Jim and I..."
Uhura nodded, stood up
slowly. "It's not as if Spock is
ever coming back."
"Preaching to the choir,
Ny."
"He'll miss you."
Christine nodded.
"He'll want to see
you."
She shook her head. "He's good at denying himself what he
wants." She smiled sadly at
Uhura. "Don't you have a bridge to
report to?"
"Yes, I do. Dinner tonight?"
"You bet." Christine tried to smile. It didn't work very well. She turned back to unpacking, taking out a
t-shirt and holding it tightly for a moment.
Then she stuffed it back into the carryall and pushed the bag under the
bed.
Uhura felt a strange sadness
come over her. "I'll see you
later."
Christine nodded, was still
standing with her back to her when Uhura let the door close between them. Uhura tried to tell herself that Christine
was just thinking. Tried to pretend that
her friend wasn't crying.
It didn't help. In fact, it only made her feel worse.
--------------------------------
Christine sat at the end of
the conference table, staring down the other doctors. She tried to pretend that they were vampires,
realized she was overdoing it when they all suddenly looked away, or down at
their notes. She made a mental note to
not terrify her staff.
Smiling, she tried to dial
the intensity in her expression down a few notches. They began to relax and interact more
normally with her. The meeting was just
a formality at this point. They hadn't
even left orbit yet.
She was intensely aware of
the beautiful blue ball spinning below them.
Aware of the man who was on it, maybe looking up at where he'd know she
was.
She missed him so much it
hurt.
After the meeting, she left
sickbay, wandered the ship, relearning the corridors and decks. She saw a familiar figure getting off the turbolift
and called out, "Jan?" and hurried down the corridor.
Rand turned, her smile was
strange. Not as happy as Christine
expected it to be. "Christine. I'd heard you were going to be here."
"Yeah, I'm CMO."
"You are?"
"I know. It's weird.
Don't ask."
Rand didn't look like she was
going to. Christine studied her. She looked so different. Older, but more real than the cute, bubbly woman
she'd known before.
"You look good?"
Rand laughed. "Older."
Christine laughed too. "Well, aren't we all?"
"I like your hair
dark. It suits you better than
blonde."
Christine smiled. "So you didn't like it
blonde?" Her smile faded when Janice
didn't answer. "Jan, is everything
okay?"
"Sure, why wouldn't it
be?" Rand touched her hand. "I'm sorry; I'm just in a hurry. We'll catch up later?"
"Okay."
Rand started to walk away,
then turned and gave Christine a real smile.
"I am glad you're here. I
just have to go. I'm sort of expecting a
comm. A family thing." She rolled her eyes.
"Say no more." Christine smiled.
Rand nodded and hurried off.
Christine took the lift to
the bridge, watched the crew doing the final preps on their stations. Sulu looked up and saw her. His smile was huge.
She wandered over to his
station. "Where's the captain?"
"In engineering. They're having some trouble."
"Nothing serious?"
He made a face.
"Oh. Well, I'm sure he and Scotty will get to the bottom
of it."
Sulu nodded. "Neither of them will give up until it's
fixed." He leaned toward her, his voice
pitched very low when he asked, "Did you ever get a chance to use those
bullets?"
"No. And my great-great-grandmother is spinning in
her grave over what I did to her silverware."
Sulu laughed. "I'm sure it was for a good cause?"
She nodded. It had been.
And it had been an excuse for Jim and her to spend lots of time together
while they were looking for werewolves--one in particular.
But that part of her life was
over. No more werewolves, no more patrols,
no more slaying. Her life was back on
track. She was going to be a doctor. She was going to do what David had told
her. Preserve life instead of taking it.
It was a positive step. And someday, when she was far enough away
from Jim, maybe she'd feel better about it.
Someday maybe she'd be happy
again.
But she wasn't holding her
breath.
-----------------------------
Kirk sat in the cafeteria,
pushing his food around. Chris had only
been gone for a few days, he had to get over this. At least, he'd stopped drinking. He'd thought Weasel was going to expel him
from sorcerer school if he showed up hung over for his lesson one more time.
He got up, threw his tray
into the recycler. He'd be hungry again
someday. Someday when the ship and Chris
were gone and not hanging right over his head.
Just out of reach.
He walked back to his
office. Work waited. His boring, boring work.
Hall looked up as he walked
in. "Admiral Nogura wants to see
you, sir."
Kirk nodded, headed for his
office.
"Now, sir." Hall gave him an apologetic look. "His secretary said as soon as you got
back."
Kirk sighed and turned
around. He walked the short way to
Nogura's office, saw that Lori's former digs were closed off, a security device
on the door to keep everyone out. He
wondered what kind of magic was at work in the room. So many of her things still inside--Kirk knew
enough about sympathetic magic...and curses, to not want to be in her
shoes. The old man did not seem to be in
a forgiving mood.
Not that Kirk blamed
him. She'd tricked him into killing Carl. Tried to kill Chris.
Ellie looked up as he walked
in. "Oh good. He's in a foul mood, Jim." She commed Nogura.
"Admiral Kirk is here."
"Send him in,"
Nogura bellowed.
"See?"
He nodded. Walked into the room. He could feel Nogura's anger the minute he
walked in. Energy pounded at him and he
fortified his own shields, the act coming almost without thought. The bombardment of negative energy became far
less noticeable.
Nogura waved him to a chair.
"You look like a man
with a problem." Kirk said.
Nogura glared at him. "I've got three of them."
"Lori's one. What are the other two?"
"Did you find
Lori?"
Kirk shook his head.
Nogura didn't look
surprised. "Damn her. I taught her too well." He shook his head. "I was a fool to trust her."
"Maybe you need to
rethink your methods. She seems to
harbor a pretty big grudge."
"My methods have been
tested and perfected over the centuries, Jim.
They're harsh, but they work. And
nobody's forced into it."
"She was, by her parents. That little girl was. They didn't ask for it."
"Well, maybe the
children are. But they're too young to
know what the impact of turning down the opportunity would be. They have no idea how hard it will be to
survive in the world without some control." He shook his head. "Lori seems to want them to be free of
it. Free but not in control. There cannot be freedom without
discipline. That's always been the thought
behind our methods." He rubbed at
his eyes. "But Lori's not my
primary problem."
"What is?"
"We have an alien...thing"--Nogura
frowned at such sloppy terminology--"of incredible destructive power
heading straight for Earth. I need to
send the Enterprise out. But
Decker..." He stared at Kirk. "Tell me straight. Can he handle it?"
Kirk shrugged. "He doesn't have seasoning. This wouldn't be my first choice for a maiden
voyage."
"I don't have a
choice. The Enterprise is our most
advanced ship."
"It hasn't even had a
shakedown cruise. Send another
ship."
"The ones that come
closest in capability are too far away. It has to be the Enterprise."
"Then Decker will do as
well as he can." Kirk didn't say
that he could do better. He and Nogura
both knew that already. "You said
you had a third problem."
"Assuming we survive the...whatever
it is, Carol Marcus turned down the funding proposal."
So Carol had stuck to her
guns? Kirk smiled. Her tenacity when it came to her principles
was one of the things that had attracted him to her in the first place.
"The trouble is that we
want Genesis, Jim. And only she can
deliver it. And she won't."
Kirk began to smile.
"You have an
idea?" Nogura leaned forward.
"Carol is very
displeased that I'm on Earth. I thought
she'd be more forgiving, but she hasn't been.
I think she's afraid I'll corrupt David." Kirk leaned back. "So you have two choices if you want
Genesis. Move the project off of Earth. Or move me off of Earth."
"I can't move the
project. It'd be ridiculously
inefficient. Everything she needs is
here." His eyes narrowed. "Move you where?"
Kirk smiled. Shook his head. "Lori's on the loose, possibly running
free out there somewhere." He
gestured up, toward the heavens.
"Now this thing? Stop the
thing, deal with Lori, and find Kirsu...are you sure Decker is up to that? At the very least, he'll ask questions. Too many questions."
"What's your angle,
Jim?"
"Give her back to
me."
"The Enterprise? You're mad."
"I'll deal with this
probe. I'll find Lori and Kirsu." He crossed his fingers, sent a plea for
forgiveness to the gods of truth.
"Decker and your slayer
can do that."
"But Decker can't
deliver you Genesis. With me gone for
another five years, Carol will say yes.
She'll stay on Earth."
"I could just move you
somewhere else."
"I could just quit and
stay here."
Nogura stared at him. Kirk refused to blink.
"Does that mean I have
to transfer Doctor Chapel off the ship?"
Nogura looked prepared to do it.
Kirk shook his head. "Keep her there." He needed to be close to Chris again. He wasn't sure what that meant in the long
term, but to have her with him again, his best friend now, someone he trusted
implicitly. That would be worth
everything. And maybe, in time, Spock
wouldn't matter so much. He smiled. Maybe in not much time at all. Weasel had
said it. Where the hell was Spock?
This time, damn it, he was
going to reach for it all.
He'd get her...and his ship.
Nogura gave him a grudging
smile. "Where's your sense of
honor?"
"Rapidly
fading."
Nogura laughed.
Kirk suddenly had a wild
idea. "I want her demoted though. To deputy CMO. Transfer off whoever was supposed to be
that."
"And put who in her
place?"
"McCoy. Reactivate him."
Nogura made a face. "Jim.
There's a limit."
"I need my team. My whole team. You can't get me Spock. I know that.
But give me McCoy. I need him." He did need Bones. His conscience. The burr under his saddle. The one man who'd never stop telling him the
hard truth.
And Uhura and Bones could be
together.
And Chris wouldn't report
directly to him.
Kirk smiled. It worked out all the way around.
Nogura stared at him. Then he sighed. "I have a feeling I'm going to be very
sorry about this." He made the call
to personnel.
Kirk imagined Bones getting
the news in Savannah. He'd be
livid. He'd be beyond livid.
Kirk grinned. Then his grin faded. He hoped he could tell Chris before she heard
it from someone else.
"You can tell Decker
yourself. And your girlfriend. Since you've maneuvered me into
this." Nogura's face
tightened. "Decker was your
recommendation."
"I know. And, next to me, he's the best man for the
job." Kirk met Nogura's eyes, didn't
look away.
He could feel the magic crackling
between them as the final battle of wills took place in a way that only they
could see.
Nogura finally nodded, and
the magic pounding at Kirk's defenses faded away.
"I could still squash
you like a bug," Nogura said.
"And don't forget it. But,
where your ship--and a certain woman--are concerned, you seem to have enough
passion to take me on."
Kirk sat back. "Then she's mine?"
"She's yours. I hope you enjoy her. Both of them." Nogura walked to the bar. "Let's drink to the occasion."
Kirk laughed. "You drink. I'll watch."
Nogura tipped his head in
defeat. "As you wish."
Kirk walked to the window,
looked up, high into the sky. His ship
was up there. And Chris.
He'd be with both of them
soon.
FIN