DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters
are the property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are
the creation and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2002 by Djinn. This
story is Rated PG-13.
Bridges
by Djinn
Spock reached into the closet
and pulled out the three-dimensional chess set he had brought on board with him
but had never had occasion to use.
Opening the case, he was suddenly assailed with memories of all the times
he and Jim had played this game. He
closed his eyes for a moment and surrendered to the power that Jim's memory
still had over him.
The chime at his door pulled
him from his reverie. "Come."
Kerr walked in, by his
expression Spock deemed he was somewhere between uncertain and ready for a
fight.
"Randall."
"Spock."
Spock began to set up the
board on the table in front of his.
"Please sit," he motioned for Kerr to take his choice of the
couch or the chair that faced it. Not
surprisingly, Kerr picked the chair. He leaned over the table and took some
pieces from the case, helping Spock set up.
"Would you care for
something to drink?"
"Ale is good."
Spock nodded and walked to
his replicator. "Do you prefer a
particular type?"
"There's a little
brewery outside of Calgary. The Pale
Ram. That'd be good. Even if it's not the real thing."
"I have stout in
bottles."
"Life's good when you're
the captain." Kerr smiled as he
leaned back. "But I guess you
should get to stock what you like. It's
a bit heavy for my tastes though."
"Coming from a man that
can drink blood wine, I find that hard to believe," Spock said with a lift
of his eyebrow. He ordered the drink and
carried it to the table, then went to his beverage cabinet to pour himself a
stout.
Kerr regarded him
quizzically. "How do you know I
drink blood wine?"
"I saw you and Christine
as I was passing by the party General Mak'chak gave on Felstrar's
Colony." Spock could still remember
the jolt he had felt when he had seen Christine dancing so close to Kerr. He had quickly sublimated it, turning his
attention back to Ambassador Pardek. At
the time, he had thought he could live with the choice he was making, and with
the one that Christine appeared to be making as well. At the time, he had thought it was for the
best. He had been a fool.
Kerr seemed to know what he
was thinking. "You should have
joined the party. I'm sure she wouldn't
have minded if you had cut in."
"I do not dance."
"Whatever you call it
then," Kerr said, his face becoming as expressionless as a Vulcan's. "Things might have turned out much
differently if you had."
Spock sat down. "It is easy to look back and see how
things could be different. And
impossible to go back to change anything.
Your move first," he said, indicating the board.
Kerr's opening actions
surprised Spock. He had not been
exaggerating the level of his skill.
Spock recognized his tactics as a variation of one of the openings Jim
had used. He found himself in the
position of being put on defense and not recovering even as the game
progressed. It had been a long time
since he had been really challenged in chess.
"Interesting play," he said as he calculated the next few
moves, finally moving his knight.
Kerr smiled slightly. "There are other pieces," he said
as he moved his rook.
"Coming from a
warrior?"
"Sometimes the best
strategy is to not fight. To find
another way." Kerr dropped his
queen to the next level, surprising Spock greatly.
"You seek to remove her
from harm?" He sent his knight toward the opening left next to the king,
seeing his mistake only when Kerr moved his queen to another spot, one from
which she would take his knight in two moves.
"It's not her I'm
worried about. The queen will always
break a knight." Kerr's eyes were
stony. "The question is whether she
can bring down a king."
Spock raised an eyebrow. "She often does."
Kerr nodded, taking the
knight and leaving Spock few openings.
"King's champion out," he almost seemed sad.
Spock saw a possibility that
he hoped Kerr hadn't calculated yet. He
dropped his bishop to the bottom level, leaving his queen open but not in
immediate danger.
Kerr frowned. "Why would you do that?" He studied the board, smiling when he worked
out Spock's strategy. "I like that. I'm going to remember it." He looked at the board some more. "A good counter needs to be both
dramatic and elegant," he said as he swept his queen down a level,
blocking the bishop's advance.
Spock smiled slightly as he
studied the board. He found playing
against Kerr exhilarating. He was
brilliant and unpredictable in his moves, yet they all held an undeniable logic
when carefully scrutinized. He tried to
put pressure on Kerr's queen with his rook, bishop, and queen but Kerr would
not be trapped. Spock's bishop was soon
sacrificed as he moved his own queen into a position more suitable for guarding
his suddenly very vulnerable king.
Kerr grinned. "You're good, Spock."
"You are quite skilled
yourself."
"Yeah, well I told you
that," Kerr said as he moved his queen to a daring new location, leaving
her highly vulnerable.
Spock analyzed the move. If he took the queen with his own, he would
leave his king vulnerable to an attack from either Kerr's rook or knight. Mate in two.
He looked for another move. If he
took Kerr's rook, it only postponed the inevitable to four moves. He knocked his king over.
Kerr sat back. "Feels good to be the victor."
"This time."
He shot Spock a cocky
grin. "I told you I always play to
win."
"So I see. Another game?"
Kerr nodded and helped set up
the board for the new game. He
smiled--the first genuine smile he'd given Spock all night.
--------------------
Kerr walked across the hall
to Christine's quarters. When she
answered the chime, he found her sitting on the couch wiping her eyes and he
suspected she had fallen asleep waiting for him. Spock and he had played far more games than
Kerr had anticipated. He hadn't expected
to enjoy them as much as he did. And,
despite his outer cockiness, he hadn't expected to win half the games. He had know that Spock would be a worthy
opponent.
"How did it go?"
Christine asked as he joined her on the couch, pulling her into his arms.
"Three to three,"
he said as he leaned in to kiss her. He
recognized that his need to touch her, to possess her was being enhanced by the
new level that chess had added to the competition that was going on between him
and Spock.
"That's good," she
said as she nuzzled his neck.
He wanted to throw her back
and take her, to make her respond to him without thought. He forced himself to be gentle. But it wasn't what he wanted and the animal
somewhere deep within him complained. He
wanted to touch her until the only thing she could do was whimper in desire or
scream in release.
"Randall?"
Christine asked in a strange tone and Kerr realized he had tangled his hand in
her hair, was pulling it slightly.
He let go immediately.
"What is it?"
He shook his head. "I just wanted to win."
"You tied."
"Not good enough,"
he said, knowing as she looked away that she understood exactly what he was
saying. "Sweetheart," he
murmured, gently turning her face toward him.
"I don't want to talk."
He kissed her again.
"No?" She smiled slightly.
"No. I want to touch you." He began to demonstrate precisely how he
wanted to touch her.
She threw her head back and
slid down slightly to give him better access.
He watched her face as she began to react to what he was doing to
her. As she called out, he felt another
fierce surge of possessiveness. She was
his.
For the time being, the more
logical part of himself pointed out.
Shut up, he told it, as he
rose and pulled Christine off the couch and into the bedroom. It was a long time before they fell asleep.
---------------------
Spock waited in the
transporter room for Kerr and Christine to join him. He felt a small pang of jealousy as they
entered the room arguing about something that made them both laugh. It had been three days since he and Kerr had
played chess. Three days in which to
allow Christine's relationship with the colonel recover from what she and Spock
had done to it when they were in San Francisco.
Three days for Spock to again get used to the idea of not having her.
"Sir," Kerr said,
straightening slightly when he saw Spock was already there.
"At ease,
Colonel." Spock stepped onto the
transporter pad, waiting for them to take the spots to either side before he
told the transporter chief, "Energize."
The raw, dry heat of Livornin
immediately assailed him. The planet
reminded him of Vulcan, only he immediately sensed that it lacked the vital
undercurrent of hidden life that was prevalent on his world.
"Captain Spock," a
familiar voice called out behind them.
He turned, surprised to see
Carol Marcus striding toward them.
"So good to see you
again. You're looking much better than
the last time we met," Marcus said.
He could see Christine
bristle at her humor.
"Commander," he said in quiet warning.
She glanced at him. "I'll behave, Spock. If she will."
"Why, Doctor
Chapel. Hello," Marcus said with a
slight smirk. "I heard you were CMO
on a ship now but I had no idea it was the Carter." She glanced at Spock, her look implying
clearly that she wondered at his choice.
"Commander Chapel is
also our first officer. Damn fine
one," Kerr said quietly.
Marcus smiled at him. "I don't believe we've met."
"No, ma'am. I don't believe we have." Kerr's tone was courteous even as he chose
not to introduce himself.
"Was it you, Doctor
Marcus, that requested that the Carter investigate the disappearances you've
been having?"
She nodded. "I knew if anyone could get to the
bottom of this it would be you. And you
were in the area. More or less."
"Try less,"
Christine said as she walked toward the patch of ground Marcus had left to
greet them. It was a vivid green in a
sea of brown. Kneeling down she began to
scan the area. "Still playing god, I see."
"You know what they say,
you can't teach an old scientist new tricks."
"Not even if the old
ones don't work?" Christine stood
and walked back, her disapproval obvious.
"Well the work is the
same but the methods are new. We're
committed to finding a viable means of terraforming that won't take the years
it does now to make a hostile environment more suitable for colonization."
Christine walked to another
patch of grass, this one much smaller and far less healthy looking. "I'd say whatever created this one
doesn't work."
"Oh, that's Doctor
Gregory's process. He's having some
difficulties with sustaining growth."
Marcus led them to another patch with unevenly distributed grassy areas
and some spots of black rot showing in the corners. "Doctor Camden's brave new world isn't
doing very well either."
That explained his initial
sense of the planet, Spock realized.
Livornin felt lifeless because it was.
A barren world, perfect for ongoing experimentation in making
inhospitable worlds habitable.
"Genesis again?" he said quietly.
Christine shot him a startled
look. "We shouldn't be discussing it."
"The genie's out of the
bottle, Doctor Chapel. Classifying it to
death won't stop that." Marcus
turned to Spock. "This isn't
Genesis. It was a failure. I freely admit that. But there's nothing wrong with starting
over. Looking at it from a new
perspective."
Christine stared at her. "Genesis was your obsession. I can't believe you'd just abandon it."
"I haven't abandoned
it. Not the lessons I learned from that
or the price I paid." She glanced
at Spock. "That many of us paid...they
will never be forgotten."
He nodded, remembering the
price Genesis had extracted from him...from Jim. He glanced at Christine. She was glaring at the other woman. Curious.
He did not think they had worked together. He would have to ask her the next time they
were alone.
Kerr stepped forward. "As fascinating as all this is, we're
here to investigate the disappearances you've been having."
"Quite so," Spock
agreed.
"The first one happened
a week ago. Lieutenant Commander
Frederick Jackson is one of the team leads on the Starfleet side. He was showing several new Starfleet team
members the installation--" she pointed to some buildings in the distance
"--and our latest work here. They
never came back from the tour. Two days
later, one of our scientists vanished when his partner had gone to get some
additional equipment. One minute he was
there, the next 'Poof!'." She shook
her head. "The last group was
working near here just yesterday."
"There were no ships in
the area when the disappearances occurred?"
"We checked for that, uh
Colonel is it?"
He nodded. "Lieutenant Colonel Kerr."
"There was
nothing."
"Unless it was
cloaked," Christine suggested.
"Why would a cloaked
ship be hanging around Livornin?" Marcus asked skeptically.
"Why would someone want
to kidnap your scientists?" Christine countered.
"Nobody said they were
kidnapped. They disappeared."
Spock looked across
landscape, which was perfectly flat to the horizon. "There is no place to hide here,
Doctor. If they were not taken forcibly,
where did they go?"
"That's why you're here,
Captain Spock. To figure that out while
we get on with the work at hand."
She pointed to some scientists that were setting something up a short
distance from where they stood.
"Would you like to see a demonstration?"
She didn't wait for their
reply, but started moving briskly toward the other group, explaining as they
walked. "That small piece of
equipment is a detonator surrounded by my own invention, an accelerant for lack
of a better term. It jump starts the
terraforming process." She waved at
the other group and they stopped what they were doing and waited for her group
to get to them.
"Are you the project
lead, Doctor?" Spock asked, curious as to how much influence she actually
had.
She shook her head. "Just one of the successful applicants
when this project was competed. That was
quite a long time ago. We've been working
on this for years now. I was lucky to be
included. But then I do have a certain
reputation in the field, Captain."
"That you do,"
Christine muttered just loud enough for Spock to hear her.
He glanced back at her and
she shot him an innocent look.
Marcus stopped about ten feet
from the others and called over, "I wanted our Starfleet guests to see
what it is we're so excited about. You
can proceed."
One of the other scientists
picked up the device Marcus had described earlier and keyed in something. She set it down carefully, then she and the
other scientists walked quickly over to where Marcus waited.
"The device has a
limited range because it is so small.
But we still don't want to take any chances."
There was a small explosion
and then the ground began to crackle with energy. A pattern of sparks resolved, covering a
square of ground about five feet on each side.
There was a flare and then a great deal of vapor. Spock thought he felt a cool breeze waft over
him for a moment. He turned his
attention to the plot of rich grass where the device had been.
"Where did it go?"
Kerr asked
"Hmm?" Marcus asked
as she smiled in pride at her latest success.
"The device. Where is it?"
"Transformed along with
the land into something else, something brand new." She turned to Spock. "I can show you where the others
disappeared."
Spock nodded then noticed
Christine staring at the new grass.
"Is something wrong, Commander?"
She shook her head. "I'd like to stay and study this if you
don't mind." She began to scan the
area with her tricorder.
"Of course."
"There's some additional
equipment in the med lab I'd like to get sent down here."
Spock nodded. "Mr. Sovar is arranging for some
specialized equipment for us, I'm sure he can bring whatever you need as
well."
"Sorry, you won't be
joining us," Marcus said as Christine adjusted the tricorder settings and
scanned again.
"No, you're
not." Christine didn't look up as
Marcus started to head back.
Spock and Kerr hung back for
a moment.
"Is something
wrong?" Spock asked.
She nodded. "Just not sure what yet."
"You will inform us when
you know what it is?"
"Count on it."
Kerr looked around at the
arid landscape and frowned. "Drink
water frequently if you're going to stay out here. If you get thirsty, you're already well on
your way to dehydrated."
She smiled at him and tapped
her water container. "Yes,
Randall. I'm a doctor. Remember?
I know the rules."
"Just don't want to lose
you out here," he grinned.
Spock nodded in agreement.
"You're not going to
lose me. Now go catch up with that
woman. I don't trust her."
"So I gathered. You will brief me later?" Spock asked.
When she nodded absently, her
hands already making new adjustments to the tricorder, Spock hurried after
Doctor Marcus, Kerr following close behind.
---------------------
Christine wiped sweat from
her forehead and tried to will herself to feel cooler as she again scanned the
area that had been terraformed. The
level of growth surprised her; the grass seemed overly mature, even given an
accelerated growth rate. She rose,
trying not to notice how her uniform was sticking to her thighs and stomach
where she'd been bent over. "Great
goddess, what I wouldn't give for some shade," she said.
"Can't give you any of
that. But I do have a refill on your water."
She turned as Penhallon
walked up. His uniform was sweat stained
and the ends of his hair hung damply.
"You look like I
feel," she said, accepting the cooler water gratefully. "And for the record, I'm not out of
water. I know better than to gulp
it." She uncapped the new
container. "But given the choice,
I'll take the cold."
"I've heard it's
actually better for you to drink the other," he said as he walked over to
the patch of green in the otherwise unrelieved bareness. "Now this is something."
"What are you doing down
here? I can't believe you volunteered
for water patrol."
"Oh--" he walked
back to her and dug into the carrier that had held the waters "--Sovar
said you needed this. I helped him bring
down some equipment for the captain and the colonel. Since Spock needed Sovar's help and also
since I was in no great hurry to return, they asked me to give you
this." He deposited the small
instrument in her open palm.
"Ah, good." She walked over to the grass and set the
machine at the edge facing the larger expanse of green. "This will analyze any bio signs with
far more accuracy than the tricorder I'm using," she explained to
him. "But we need to move away or
we'll interfere with the readings."
She walked over to him and they moved off about ten feet. "This should be far enough."
"How long does it have
to work?"
"Half an hour or
so." She wiped away sweat that was
dripping in her eyes. "You picked
the wrong duty, Stephen. This is going
to be an uncomfortable thirty minutes."
He took a sip of his water,
then shoved it back in the bag. Pulling
the strap over his head he set the carrier down on the dirt. "Too hot to carry it if I'm not moving."
Christine took another drink
from the cold water and felt her stomach start to clench. He was right, the water was too much of a
shock. She unscrewed the other container
and combined the contents. Taking
another drink she found the water still pleasantly cool. "Here, I don't need two," she said,
as she handed him back the nearly empty container.
He shoved it in the bag, as
she looped her container back over her head.
Penhallon sighed dramatically
as he tried to dry the damp ends of his hair.
"And to think I could have been flirting with a blonde."
"Let me guess, Carol
Marcus?" Christine didn't try to
hide her scowl.
"That would be the
one. You don't like her."
"You might say
that."
"Because of
Genesis?"
She didn't look at him. "Genesis is still a sealed
subject."
"My sources said it
didn't work."
Christine remembered how it
had felt to hear about Spock's death...and his quick rebirth. It had worked. For some things. "It's still classified, Commander. That should tell you whether it worked or
not."
"That only tells me that
bureaucracy lives, Commander. Anyone can
roll something up in so much red tape that it never gets released."
"It could be the worst
weapon the universe has ever seen. If
the bugs were ironed out."
"And you know this
how? I thought it was a sealed
subject?"
"After what happened,
there had to be an evaluation. Everyone
from the project crew except for Carol was dead. Starfleet wanted answers, but not from
her. And not from independent
scientists. They wanted their own people
to conduct the postmortem. I was
selected for the team."
"Ah, so you dislike her
because you found her to be at fault."
Christine shook her
head. "There were shortcuts
taken. But she wasn't to blame."
"You defend her but I
can still hear the dislike in your voice," he needled her.
"Drop it,
Commander. That's an order."
He looked away. "I don't remember seeing that assignment
on your official record."
She stared at him. "Why were you looking up my
record?"
He grinned. "I was curious about the woman who
disliked me so."
"Oh." She looked down. "It's there. You just have to know what you're looking
at. It was a good assignment for
me. A turning point really. I came to the attention of some ranking
officers I might never have known otherwise.
It's what got me the job in Emergency Ops. And probably the Carter."
"Then I consider it a
good thing." He looked at his
chrono. "How have you stood this
heat for so long?"
She closed her eyes and took
a shallow breath of the searing air.
"I barely am standing it.
I'm not cut out for this. Give me
Seattle and San Francisco. Nothing like
a maritime climate. Sea mist on the air
and a cool wind blowing."
"Like that?"
Penhallon asked just as she felt it too.
A gentle flow of cooler and humid air washed over her.
Then she heard the crackling
sound. Turning, she saw the air in front
of them rip apart and she felt herself being sucked into the hole. "Run," she yelled.
But it was too late. She heard Penhallon cry out as he too was
pulled into the hole behind her. She
felt a strong burning sensation as she passed through whatever the rip in the
air was. Then it ended as she was thrown
to the ground. She came to rest on cool
and shady grass. Penhallon landed next
to her.
"Are you all
right?" she asked.
"I'm okay. What about you?"
"Nothing broken." She reached back to move something that was
digging into her back, then realized it was her water container. Pulling it away from her back, she glanced up
and saw the rip suddenly begin to repair itself. "No," she yelled, trying to
scramble to her feet. But it was gone by
the time she made it up.
She met Penhallon's
eyes. Neither of them said
anything. Then he rose slowly, looking
around with wonder. They were in a small
clearing, surrounded by tall trees. The
temperature was pleasant, the air soft with a hint of coolness. It smelled of resin and soil and all the
things Christine associated with the forests of home. It was overwhelmingly green and lush. Except for one patch of seared ground, that
lay in the middle of the clearing.
"What the
hell?" She walked over and studied
the area.
"It's the exact same
size," Penhallon said, as he came up behind her.
She bent down and picked up
the twisted remains of the device Carol Marcus had used to start the
accelerant. "That's because it's
the exact same piece of ground."
"I don't
understand."
She threw the device to the
ground. "Neither do I. Not the hows and whys. But I do know this. She isn't terraforming anything. She's stealing from here." She looked around. "Wherever here is."
-----------------------------
Kerr took the sensor that
Sovar had brought and set it up just outside the main administration
building. It would monitor the skies for
anything suspicious. And also keep track
of those people that were on the planet.
He checked the settings. 245
people. That was right, 240 that
according to Doctor Marcus were assigned to the project. And five more from the Carter. He moved to the next piece of equipment but
before he bent to the task of setting it up, he looked out to where Christine
was still studying the newly terraformed ground.
He could see that Penhallon
was with her. He tried not to feel
jealous watching how closely they stood to each other. Christine had very little personal space with
those she liked, and somehow Penhallon had wormed his way into her
affections. Kerr wasn't sure precisely
how. On Felstrar's Colony, she had been
clearly annoyed with the protocol chief but over the last month she and
Penhallon had become friendly. Kerr
found himself wondering when she'd had the time.
Shaking his head at his own
possessiveness, especially when his real rival was someone else entirely, Kerr
turned back to the task at hand. He was
testing the piece of diagnostic equipment when the sensor beeped loudly.
He straightened and looked at
the readouts. There was nothing in the
sky, but the population count had gone down by two. A sudden suspicion made the hair on the back
of his neck stand up and he turned slowly.
Christine and Penhallon were
nowhere to be seen.
He realized that Spock had
come out of the building, was standing beside him. "Christine?" he asked, his hand
slowly rubbing his temple.
Kerr shook his head, already
moving quickly toward the spot. He
pulled out his tricorder and scanned the area for anomalous energy readings,
weapons discharge, anything. There was
nothing. "She's gone. Penhallon too. They were right there, sir. I saw them not five minutes ago."
"Spock to Carter."
"Sabuti here, sir."
"Check sensor logs for
the last five minutes. Look for anything
anomalous, no matter how small."
"Aye, sir.'
They reached the terraformed
area. The bag Penhallon had been
carrying was still on the ground about ten feet from the grassy area. It was the only sign that the two officers
had ever been there.
Spock rubbed his temple
harder.
"Are you all right,
sir?"
Appearing to not even realize
he was answering, Spock said, "She was afraid."
"Was?" Kerr swallowed hard at the thought that she
could be dead.
Spock stood up, the
distracted look fading from his eyes. He
dropped his hand from his forehead.
"Was. But she's not now. She is unharmed."
"And you know this
how?" Kerr asked, despite having a strong feeling he didn't want to know
the answer.
Spock shook his head. "We seem to have a connection. A strong one." The Vulcan had the grace to look a bit
chagrined. "I cannot explain it but
she seems very close right now."
Kerr scanned the
horizon. "Then where is she?"
"I don't
know." Spock walked over to the
grass. He picked up a small device. "She was using this to scan the
area. I suggest we deliver it to
Lieutenant Kavall. I would like to look
at the Carter's sensor log myself."
"Understood, sir. I'll continue down here." Kerr already had his communicator out as
Spock beamed aboard. "Kerr to Major
Collins."
"Collins here,
sir."
"Beam down here with a
security contingent. Desert
environment. Bring lots of water."
"Yes, sir."
Kerr heard someone
approaching. He turned to see Doctor
Marcus.
"What's happened?"
she asked.
"Commander Chapel and
Commander Penhallon have disappeared."
He watched as she took that in.
"I need to know everything, no matter how insignificant you think
it is, about these disappearances."
She nodded.
"Collins to Kerr."
"Go ahead."
"Beaming in now,
sir."
"Roger that."
The air shimmered slightly
and Collins and a team of five other marines appeared. A second group of six appeared just behind
them. Collins had them well armed. Kerr shared a look with the man.
"You sounded worried,
sir," he said as he handed Kerr a close combat fighting knife and a phase
rifle.
"Commander Chapel's
disappeared," Kerr replied.
Collins expression became all
business. "Well, let's get her
back, sir."
"Not that easy. We don't know where she went." Kerr gestured to the other groups still
working on plots of land scattered around the main cluster of buildings. "I want two men on each group. Stay back about twenty-five feet. And don't take your eyes off your group. Someone or something is taking these people,
and I want to know how."
As the marines began to move
off, Kerr motioned Collins over.
"Jeff, you're with me. I
have some equipment I want to get set up."
He pointed to the admin building.
Collins nodded. "I'm on it, sir." He walked quickly away toward the waiting
equipment.
"Impressive,"
Marcus said. "You remind me of
someone I used to know."
"I have that kind of
face, ma'am."
She laughed. "No, you really don't. " She started walking back the way Collins had
gone. "We've logged the
disappearances into the science records.
I'll give you access."
He nodded and followed her.
"I couldn't help but
notice your concern for Commander Chapel.
I take it you two are friends."
She glanced at him, and must have seen something in his expression
because she smiled tightly. "Or
more than friends, perhaps?"
"Ma'am, begging your
pardon, but I don't see how that's relevant to my mission."
"Oh, I'm sure it won't
get in the way of you performing your duty, Colonel Kerr. You seem like the very essence of a dedicated
Starfleet professional." She turned
away from him. "She just doesn't
strike me as your type."
He chose not to answer. Christine was exactly his type. Not that he'd known that at first, back when
getting close to her was just part of his assignment. Then it hadn't mattered what he felt.
Everything had changed since
then though.
"Not that it's any of my
business--"
He pulled out his best, focused
Marine voice as he cut her off.
"--Ma'am, I'm really not interested in having a personal
conversation with you. I've got missing
crew; you've got missing personnel. I
intend to find them. All of them."
"Of course,
Colonel," Marcus said evenly as she led him into the building and to a
free computer terminal. She logged him
in and showed him where the files were.
"I'll leave you to it then."
"Thank you,
Doctor."
He had the sensation that she
stared at him for a long time before finally turning and walking away.
---------********-----------------
Wherever they were, Penhallon
thought, it was utterly beautiful. He
watched as Christine examined another burned plot in the otherwise verdant
landscape.
"How long can she keep
stealing pieces of this planet?" he asked her.
"Well, when she pulls a
fully mature tree along with the grass it should be a wakeup call." She kicked at the dirt. "But only if she's willing to hear it. I'm not sure she will be."
"Why not?"
"She likes playing god,
Stephen. That's the sense I got from her
when I interviewed her during our investigation. And hearing that she isn't creating anything
won't be an easy message for her. First
Genesis fails, now this. It'll be a
blow." She indicated they should
keep walking. "But only if she'll
accept it. I've never met anyone as
arrogant as she is." She smiled
bitterly suddenly.
"What?" he asked as
he caught up with her.
"That's not true
exactly. I used to be engaged to someone
as arrogant."
"Was it what broke you
up?"
"No, the fact that he'd
moved his consciousness into an android body and tried to kill Captain Kirk
pretty much did that. Plus there was
this female android who was really fond of him...it wasn't pretty. Well, okay, she was pretty, but the whole
situation wasn't."
He grinned at her light
tone. "Yeah, those android babes
can be a real deal killer."
She nodded, sharing a grin
with him. Then her expression fell,
becoming sad. "I loved him so
much. Gave up everything to try to find
him when he disappeared."
He looked over at her. "So you didn't meet Spock till after
you'd found him."
She blushed.
"Oh ho. So you were searching for long lost love and
you were nursing--" he grinned when she glared at him for the pun "--a
thing for a certain Vulcan?"
"It sounds so sordid
when you say it."
"Nonsense. We're complex creatures. Especially our hearts and what we feel for
people. Anyone that tells you that you
can't love two people at once is crazy."
"Voice of experience?"
He laughed. "But of course."
She smiled but didn't say
anything else. They walked in silence
for a while, then she veered off suddenly.
He thought he saw something metallic gleaming from the edge of the trees.
"What is it?"
She held up a water
container. "Maybe someone came
across here. Wasn't so lucky with their
landing. It's cracked at the base,
useless."
"To them, but not to
those of us following," he said as he looked around. "Now we know they're here too."
"At least eight of them,
according to the reports. But
where?" She seemed to come to a
decision. "Let's keep walking. There's no reason to believe this place isn't
inhabited. We just may have appeared in
the middle of a protected area or something."
"Ever the
optimist," he grinned at her.
"I know it must seem
daunting to you, stuck here with no amenities and no impressionable women to
attempt to seduce."
He laughed. "Can't do much about the amenities. But you could pretend to be
impressionable."
"And you could pretend
to seduce me." She shook her head
at him. "I thought we'd gotten
beyond that."
"Do people like us ever
really get beyond that?" He watched
her carefully to see what her reaction would be.
"Who says we're
alike," she asked mildly.
"Not too long ago, you
would have been incensed at even the suggestion that we shared any
qualities."
"Well, I've
mellowed. Or you've improved. I'm not sure which."
He was pretty sure he hadn't
changed.
"You really think we're
alike that way?" she asked.
"What way?" He pretended to be absorbed in a study of
the ground. It was a little mean to want
to hear her say it. But then he had
never claimed to be nice.
"Sexual."
"You aren't
sexual?"
She rolled her eyes. "Why are you twisting this when you're
the one who started it?"
He grinned. "Sorry, just yanking your
chain." He stopped walking.
She turned to look at
him. "Sex is important. If that's what you mean." She turned and started walking again.
"But it can get you into
trouble." He strolled behind,
stopping alongside her, his next comment forgotten as he was struck by the view
that unfolded before him.
"It's beautiful,"
she breathed, her eyes soft as she looked down at the valley below them. A narrow river ran through the middle, it's
water sparkling a silvery blue in the bright sunlight. The hillside running down to the valley floor
was gently graded. It would be an easy
hike down.
Penhallon scanned the land
farther out; it was pristine wilderness as far as the eye could see. He should have felt dismay, yet a feeling of
peace had filled him as they walked.
Now, looking down at this beautiful sight, he was aware again of a
serenity that kept him from feeling sad when he said, "There's no one else
here, Christine."
"I know," she
said. But she had the same tone as
him. "I should be more upset than I
feel."
He just nodded as he followed
her down into the valley.
-----------------------------
Spock walked out of the
administration building; his search of the databases had yielded no new
information. He shivered as the cold
night air hit him. As with any desert
clime, the temperature had dropped precipitously.
Kerr had a fire going and was
looking intently off in the direction that Christine had been working when she
disappeared. Major Collins sat in a
chair near him, staring morosely at the fire, his look a twin of what Spock had
seen on the faces of the bridge crew. He
wondered if he too wore the same look of woe or was his face mirroring Kerr's
with stoic determination covering any other less positive emotion?
Major Collins saw him and
stood up. "Take my chair, sir. I need to check on the men."
Spock sat down and felt the
warmth of the fire take away the chill that had quickly come over him. "Do I want to know where you found fuel
on a planet like this?"
"No, sir."
Spock leaned forward, letting
the fire warm him even more. "Then
I shall not ask."
Kerr's voice was nearly a
whisper when he asked, "Can you still feel her?"
"Not really." When Kerr looked at him in alarm, Spock held
a hand up. "I normally am not aware
of her, Colonel. So this would seem to
indicate that she is all right and in no danger."
Kerr sighed. "So you can't usually feel what she's
feeling?"
"No, Randall, I am not
privy to her everyday life, if that is what you mean." Nor to what you two do in it, he added
silently.
"That's good to know,
Spock."
"Lieutenant Kavall
thinks she may have found something significant. She is analyzing the readings now."
"Good."
Spock stood. "It is late. There is nothing more we can do here. We should return to the ship."
Kerr shook his head. "I'm not leaving."
Spock sat back down. Kerr looked over at him.
"Then I shall stay
too."
"You don't have
to."
"I am aware of
that." Spock leaned back. "You should not have to keep this vigil
alone. And truth be told, I don't know
how much use I would be back on the ship."
Kerr nodded. "That's how I feel. Useless.
Like if we don't find her..."
"We will find her,
Randall."
Kerr looked over at him. "Are you sure?"
Spock was anything but sure
but he forced his voice to sound confident when he answered, "I am
certain."
Kerr didn't say anything,
just turned back to stare out at the darkness.
-----------------------------
"Good thing it isn't
cold here at night," Christine observed as she watched Penhallon attempt
to fashion a cup out of a large leaf.
"It's a damn cinch neither of us would survive very long."
He grinned at her as he gave
up with the leaf and just used his hands to drink the water from the small
stream they'd chosen to camp by.
"My idea of roughing it is going without a shower."
"You could just drink
from my container like a normal person."
She leaned back on the grass.
"Where's the challenge
in that?"
She laughed. The stars twinkled at her in the gathering
blackness of the night. "It's
beautiful here."
He crawled the few feet to
join her. "You say that now. What if we can't get back?"
"I refuse to think that
way," she said, barely able to make out his face in the nearly full
dark. "Don't you either. Not yet."
"Whatever you say,
Commander."
She heard him stretch out and
then sigh. The grass was thick and the
ground soft and, despite their predicament, Christine could feel herself
relaxing. She had the sudden notion that
the planet itself was welcoming them.
Silly, she chided herself. It's
just the peacefulness here.
But Penhallon was right. What if they couldn't get back? Christine closed her eyes, trying to will
herself not to dwell on that option. As
they lay side by side in silence, a moon began to rise, throwing off a faint
light and allowing her to see him turn to face her.
"So what's the real
reason you dislike Doctor Marcus?"
"What's to like?"
"Miaow."
"I'm serious. Tell me what there is to like about
her?"
"She's brilliant?"
"She's
driven." Christine put her hands
behind her head. "She's
selfish. She's obsessed. She's a hateful person."
"Did you work with
her?"
She looked over at him. "No.
But I saw her effects firsthand.
She hurt someone that I..." she trailed off; this was not territory
she had intended to cover. In the
brightening moonlight, Christine realized that Penhallon was studying her
carefully. "What?"
He said, "You didn't
finish your thought."
"And I don't intend
to."
"Come on,
Christine. It's confession time around
the campfire. Just you and me."
"We don't have a
campfire."
He didn't smile. "Pretend we do. What were you going to say?"
She looked away. "Nothing."
He touched her hand. "If it's nothing, why does it upset
you?"
She blinked back unexpected
tears. "I'm not upset."
"You were saying that
she hurt someone that you..."
Christine looked away. "That I cared about."
"Who?" When she didn't answer, he rolled to his back
and sighed heavily.
She was surprised to hear
herself whisper, "Kirk."
He didn't move. "As in Captain James T.?"
"You know another?"
He ignored her sarcasm. "You served with him on the
Enterprise."
"With him. With Spock."
"And he knew Dr.
Marcus..." He seemed to remember
something. "Oh. David Marcus."
"Yeah." She could still see the teenaged David
running through the halls of the Starfleet science section. Carol had indulged him shamelessly even as
she'd selfishly kept him away from his father.
Penhallon rolled to his side,
watching her again. When she gave him a
tired glare, he smiled gently. "I
didn't know you were friends with him."
She laughed, the sound a
bitter explosion of air. "I
wasn't."
He frowned. "I'm not really following. But then you don't seem to want me
to." He made a resigned face. "As you wish, Commander." He turned his back to her.
She watched the moon for a
moment, then said softly. "It was a
very dark time for me. And for
him."
He didn't say anything, but
she knew he was listening.
"I was on Earth. I'd finished my medical degree and was just
wrapping up my residency. Kirk was just
back too. He'd finished his tour on the
Enterprise and had accepted a desk job.
I don't know why he did it. He
hated it. He was bored and lonely. And then there was David, the son he couldn't
see. I'm not sure what happened exactly
between Carol Marcus and Jim to make her deny him access to his son. But I think that he thought he might get to
know the boy once he was safely on terra firma.
It didn't work out that way.
"And then
Spock..." She stopped, gathering
her thoughts. Penhallon moved slightly,
as if to show he was waiting for her to continue. "He decided to go back to Vulcan. To study the discipline of
Kohlinahr."
"Kohlinahr? Spock?"
"I know it's hard to
believe now. But at the time, it was
what he wanted."
"Why?"
She shook her head. "I've never known."
"You and he weren't
close then, were you?"
"Let's just say that my
feelings for him were much fonder than his were for me."
"Ahh. But Kirk and he...were they--?"
"Lovers? I never thought so. But..." She exhaled deeply. "That's not exactly true. I never _wanted_ to think so. Because of what it would have meant for my
own chances with Spock, I guess. I just
told myself they were very close friends.
With a bond of love, yes. But not
lovers."
"But when Spock
left?"
"Jim was
devastated. We both were. And he was bored at work. And he couldn't see his son. It was nearly too much. We ran into each other, went to a bar. He needed someone to talk to. Drinking made it easier to talk. To share what we felt."
"The pain."
"Yeah. And the loneliness. I could understand what he was saying, who he
was missing because I felt it too. I
understood the feelings of betrayal. The
loss. We drank too much that night. Far too much."
"And you ended up going
home together," he guessed.
"We just wanted someone
to hold, I think. Someone that wasn't a
stranger."
"I've been there. We all have.
Nothing to be ashamed of."
"I know." She closed her eyes. "We kept doing it though."
He turned over, his eyes when
they met hers held no censure. "I've
been there too."
"They announced that a
new captain would be taking his ship out.
It was even someone he'd recommended.
Will Decker." She could still
see Kirk's face as he told her the news.
"I think that made it worse, that he was envious of his own pick
for successor. He complained about
Decker. Said that Will wouldn't have any
idea how to treat the Enterprise. That
he wasn't good enough for her. I didn't
argue." She looked away. "But I should have. Because Will was my friend. I knew he was working day and night on the
refits. He knew that ship better than
almost anyone. But I didn't say
that. And later I didn't say anything to
Kirk when Decker offered me the position of CMO. Did you know that? That I was supposed to be CMO of the Enterprise?"
"I knew you were Deputy
CMO there. How did Kirk take the
news?"
"As you might
expect. I was just one more betrayal in
a life that must have seemed full of them." She brushed a tear away impatiently. "I mean it wasn't like we were in love or
anything." Her voice caught and she
took a deep breath. "I should have
told him sooner. He would have
understood...would have urged me to do what was right for me, for my
career. He was that kind of man. I don't know why I didn't just tell
him."
Penhallon waited for her to
continue.
"Luckily for him, V'Ger
came along and he had the reason he needed to take the ship back. Got to keep it in the end too when Decker
sacrificed himself." She trailed off,
remembering the intense light that had been all that was left of Decker and
Ilia. "And Spock was with Jim again
too. Just like always." She hated how bitter her voice sounded. Gave him a sheepish grin. "How many years have gone by and I still
can't let it go? Pathetic."
He smiled back sympathetically. "Did you stay on the ship?"
"Yes. But I found myself once again working for
Leonard McCoy. Same old Christine Chapel
only now I had Doctor in front of my name instead of Nurse."
"And you and Kirk?"
"I don't think he ever
really forgave me. I don't mean that he
ever treated me badly. He wouldn't. He was a really good man. But we were never close again. I tried a couple of times to see him
privately, to explain. He was polite but
distant. So I attempted to forget it
ever happened. Tried to be happy in my
role as deputy."
"You and Spock?"
She smiled bitterly. "He was cordial."
"Ah." He reached
over and touched her cheek, smoothing away another tear. "You've never told anyone this, have
you?"
She shook her head.
"Not even those two men
you love so much?" There was no
mockery in his tone.
"They don't want to
know."
"Why do you say
that?"
"They don't. They think they know who I am. And they're happy with that. They have their vision of who Christine is
and they don't want this darkness intruding.
No one ever does."
"Do you really believe
that?"
She nodded. "If you asked them who I am, they'd tell
you words like loyal and dedicated. Nice
and gentle and unselfish."
"Not bad things. But I do understand. I remember you looking at me and seeing the
opposite qualities. You thought I was
shallow, selfish, and not very bright.
Others have thought that too."
"But when they get to
know you, they learn who you really are.
The good things replace what they thought. That's easy for people. But when the things they learn aren't so
good, then it's hard. They don't want
that. It interferes with the image they
have of you." She sighed. "I'm not allowed to have a shadow. So I keep it inside." She looked at him searchingly. "But I'd want to know, you know? If it were someone I loved, I'd want to know
the real person. The good and the bad."
He looked at her
searchingly. "Are you sure about
that?"
"I am."
He stared at her. "What if it was really bad? What if it turned everything you thought you
knew about the person on its head?"
"Then I'd especially
want to know. Or else it'd be as if I
never really knew the person at all...just a hollow image."
His expression was
unutterably sad as he nodded. "I
believe you."
"Wouldn't you want to
know?" she asked him softly.
"I don't know. Sometimes ignorance is bliss." He sighed.
"Go to sleep, Christine. It's
been a long day."
"Thank you for
listening."
He smiled gently. "Thank you for trusting me." He closed his eyes.
"Good night,
Stephen," she whispered. She rolled
over and stared at the stars until she could no longer keep her eyes open.
--------------------------------------
"Carter to
Spock."
Kerr jerked awake as Spock
reached for his communicator.
"Spock here."
The fire had burned
down. Which considering the heat this
early in the morning could only be a good thing. Kerr kicked some sand into it just to be
safe. Not that there was much of
anything to catch on fire here, he thought ruefully.
"Sir," Kavall said
breathlessly. "I want to show you
something. Permission to beam
down?"
"Of course,
Lieutenant."
They waited the few minutes
it took her to get to a transporter room.
She was already talking as she materialized. "--it's not the right signature,
sir. I checked the figures twice, and
the differences are very subtle. Easy to
miss if you don't scan to this level.
Although why a reputable scientist wouldn't scan to this level is beyond
me." She glanced at the
administration building behind them.
"Is Doctor Marcus here?"
Kerr looked at Spock,
assuming the Vulcan had not fallen asleep as he had. Some vigil he'd kept.
Spock's eyes held no censure
as he nodded. "She came in an hour
ago."
Kavall sighed. "She's not going to like this news,
sir."
"Then the sooner she
hears it, the better." Kerr said,
rising and walking into the building.
Collins met him in the hall. "Could
you get Doctor Marcus?"
"Yes, sir," Collins
replied, moving quickly into the depths of the still-dark administrative
building. A few minutes later he emerged
with both Doctor Marcus and a large cup of coffee for Kerr.
"Bless you, Jeff,"
Kerr said softly, taking a long swallow and ignoring the slow burn as he waited
for the caffeine to take hold.
"What's so important I
couldn't finish my breakfast?"
Spock nodded to Kavall. "It's about the area you
terraformed. Before she disappeared,
Commander Chapel took some very detailed scans."
"Of the grass?"
Marcus asked.
"No, of the life living
in and on the grass." Kavall took a
deep breath. "And there is life
there. Life with a signature that is
different than that which would be found in this universe."
Marcus looked at her as if
she was crazy. "You must be
joking. You dragged me away for
this?"
"See for yourself,"
Kavall said as she thrust the tricorder at the other scientist. "Even the grass is off. Not to mention awfully mature. That never bothered you, Doctor Marcus?"
"The accelerant at
work," Marcus said with a shrug.
"The growth is accelerated, more mature. It's to be expected." She looked at the readings and suddenly her
cockiness disappeared. "This is
impossible."
"I know, Doctor. But the evidence is right there."
Marcus handed back the
tricorder. "Take the readings
again. Or better yet, test the next
section we create. We have another test
this afternoon."
Kavall looked at Spock. "Sir, I don't believe that's a good
idea."
"You have one piece of
evidence that does you no good if you can't repeat it. Surely as a scientist, you realize that,
Lieutenant." She turned away. "The test is in one hour. You can analyze those results, if you
like. But I'm not going to call off
years of work based on one, possibly anomalous, reading." She strode angrily back into the
administration building.
"Sir?"
"We stay for the
test." Spock looked at Kerr. "Did you notice a similarity between the
disappearances?"
Kerr thought about it. "There'd been a test of Marcus'
procedure each day. I didn't think it
was significant at the time."
"Nor did I. But it would seem that perhaps it
is." He led the other two into the
administrative building.
Kerr motioned to
Collins. "We're going to be
observing a test. We think it might be a
key to where Commander Chapel and the others have gone."
"Yes, sir."
"You're with me,
Major. The rest I want scattered well
back. I don't want any of us too close
to the others until I know what is going on."
"Yes, sir."
They waited as the scientists
came together for the test and started to carry the equipment to a distant
spot. The Carter team followed them out,
watching as they blocked off a much larger area than before.
"Is it smart, sir? Increasing the test area?" Kerr looked over at Marcus as she walked
around directing the placement of the device that would start the process. "I'm no scientist, but this seems
unwise."
"I agree with you,"
Spock replied. "Doctor Marcus, why
are you increasing the test area?"
She turned and regarded him
with unconcealed annoyance.
"Because our timetable calls for it."
"But the
disappearances--"
"You have no evidence
that my experiments had anything to do with them. If you think I'll stop my life's work because
you have a hunch, then you are very much mistaken."
"Where is the head of
this mission? The Starfleet head. I wish to speak to him or her before you go
ahead with this."
She smirked. "Commander Lollard is off planet just
now. And Commander Jackson is
missing. They blessed the schedule,
Captain. You have one piece of evidence
that may or may not be good. If it
isn't, I've lost valuable time because of your unnecessary caution. I say we go." Before anyone could reply, she nodded to her
assistant and the man started the detonation process.
The scientists all backed up
rapidly as the accelerant was ignited and spread over the ground. Sparks again covered the area and as the bare
earth gave way to green grass, Kerr felt a cool vapor rush over him.
An area about three times the
size lay before them, identical to the other they had seen created. Except this had full-grown wildflowers
growing in it.
"Sir, the
flowers..." Kavall trailed off, looking to Spock for guidance.
"Start your scans,
Lieutenant. We shall all stay here while
you do it."
Kerr watched Marcus. She had bent down and was examining one of
the wild flowers. Her face a study in
tension, she slowly touched the stalk of a particularly tall one then looked
over at him. He thought for a moment
that she looked unsure, then she rose abruptly and turned away. Don't go too far, he thought, as he watched
her go.
As the heat beat down on
them, they waited for Kavall to set up the device that Christine had used the
day before.
She adjusted it several times
before joining Spock and Kerr. "We
need to move back a ways. I don't want
any of us to interfere with the readings.
Kerr motioned to Collins and
the other marines to fall back.
Then they waited. Kerr could feel the sweat trickling down his
neck and between his shoulder blades. He
wiped his forehead, glancing over at Spock as he did. The Vulcan wasn't even sweating. Suddenly Kerr felt a cool breeze again and
his gaze was torn to a sharp sparkle in the air. Some sort of tear was opening in midair near
the marines that were standing on the other side of the new grassy area.
"Christine," Kerr
said as he took off running. He could
hear the others behind him. Then he saw
that the rip was pulling the two marines closest to it inside. Another marine ran to help, grabbing his
comrade and digging in to the loose soil, trying to anchor himself.
"Hold on," Kerr
heard Collins yell behind him.
But even as they got closer
they saw the first man suddenly fly into the air and disappear into the
rift.
Christine's in there, Kerr
thought, as he put on an extra burst of speed.
If I can get to her.
The other two marines were
suddenly yanked off their feet and pulled violently into the rift. Kerr saw that it was starting to close. "No!' he yelled as he launched himself
at the rapidly diminishing hole.
A tackle brought him to the
ground short of his goal. But not before
he saw the rip close well before he would have reached it.
"My apologies for the
unorthodox means of stopping you," Spock said as he got up. "It was a good idea but only part of
your body would have made it through."
Kerr just nodded. He had been so close.
"We will find her,"
Spock said as he held out his hand, waiting for Kerr to take it. When he finally did, the Vulcan pulled him up
effortlessly.
Kerr looked at where the rip
had been and sighed. So very close.
"I got it, sir,"
Kavall's voice rang out.
Spock and Kerr turned to look
at her.
She held up her
tricorder. "I scanned the rift or
whatever that was."
"Good work, Lieutenant." Spock turned to Kerr. "Doctor Marcus will run no more tests
until we get to the bottom of this."
"Yes, sir." He motioned to Collins. "I have your permission to place her
under arrest if she doesn't comply?"
Spock's look was dangerous as
he said, "You have my permission to take any steps you deem necessary,
Colonel."
---------------*********---------------
"I think I hear
voices," Penhallon said as they made their way into a small clearing. "Coming from this direction."
"Not one more
step," a gruff voice warned them.
"Where is he?"
Christine whispered.
She thought she heard a
ghostly echo say, "Whereishe" from just to her right. She turned and followed the voice.
"I said stay where you
are," a man said, stepping out from the trees just beyond where she was
walking.
She sensed Penhallon coming
up behind her, saw but couldn't force herself to move as the stranger lifted a
phaser and fired directly at her.
Penhallon pushed her and she
fell to the ground clear of the fire.
But his momentum carried him directly in the weapon's path. With a cry that was abruptly cut off, he fell
to his side on the ground beside her.
"Stop firing, we're
Starfleet," she yelled to their assailant as she leaned over
Penhallon. "Stephen."
He looked up at her, his eyes
awash with pain. "Christine...I
don't think I'm going to charm my way out of this one." He began to shiver in reaction. "Had to keep you safe."
"Yes, Stephen, you kept
me safe." She began to inspect his
injuries; the front of him was bloody and she tried to locate the source of the
bleeding.
"Just...one...kiss,"
he managed to say, looking at her dully.
She leaned down, her lips
almost touching his, and said, "Penhallon, I'm a damn doctor. Do you think I don't recognize a flesh wound
when I see it? Just one kiss, my
ass."
He groaned as he sat up,
clutching his arm where the phaser had hit him.
"Well, it really does hurt, you know. A kiss might have made me feel better."
"Yeah, I bet it would
have." She tore some cloth from his
shirt and pressed it firmly to the wound.
She was about to glare at him again but the look on his face showed real
pain. "Thank you."
"You're welcome,"
he said, as she tied a longer strip of cloth over the pad, holding it securely
in place.
"Who the hell are
you," the man who'd fired on them said as he approached.
"Commander Christine
Chapel and my erstwhile champion here is Commander Stephen Penhallon. And you are?"
"Lieutenant Commander
Frederick Jackson." He looked into
the trees and barked, "Okay, you can come out now."
Six more people walked slowly
out of the woods. They looked
shell-shocked.
"The missing
teams," Christine said. "We've
been looking for you."
"Not very damn
hard. We've been here quite a
while," Jackson said.
"Where's here?" she
asked
"Don't know."
"Why'd you shoot at
us," Penhallon asked as he allowed Christine to help him to his feet. "A week away and you can't recognize a
Starfleet uniform when you see it?"
"You're the first
strangers we've seen in all this time.
Can't blame me for being a bit edgy." He looked around as if waiting for something,
his eyes wild and not quite stable.
"Besides, this place is pretty creepy."
"Creepy how?"
Christine asked.
"Creepy voices. Creepy dreams when you try to sleep. Creepy feeling of being watched."
"Creeeeeeeeeee,"
the echo came again.
Jackson whirled and fired,
nearly hitting one of the people in his group.
"Show yourself, dammit."
Christine frowned. "It's what I thought I heard
earlier."
"Heeeeearrrrdd,"
came the echo.
"There it is
again," Christine said as she tried to follow the sound.
"Make it talk again,
I'll take care of it," Jackson said, bringing the phaser up to reset the
weapon to kill.
Christine glared at him. "Put that thing away. And be quiet."
Jackson made a disparaging
sound.
Christine looked at
Penhallon. "There's something
here."
In the silence, she closed
her eyes and listened hard. The sound
was coming from just behind her. She
turned slowly, opening her eyes briefly to make sure she wasn't going to bump
into Penhallon, then closed them again as she walked forward a step at a
time.
The sound stopped.
She whispered, "I know
you're there."
Suddenly she felt something brush
against her arm. The touch was feather
light and she didn't move. Another
touched brushed her neck and she heard one of Jackson's people gasp as her hair
was lifted from her neck.
"What the--"
"Shhh," Christine
cut Jackson off.
"Shhh," repeated a
ghostly voice.
Out of the corner of her eye,
Christine saw Penhallon slowly move to her side. "What is it?" he whispered.
"Whatisit," the
voice whispered back, the words run together and barely intelligible.
"Can you understand
me?"
"Canyouunderstandme,"
came the nearly inaudible echo.
"There's something
here," she repeated, looking back at Jackson and motioning for him to put
his phaser away.
He looked at her skeptically.
"Please?" she
asked.
"Please," the
ghostly voice repeated.
"We don't know what this
thing is or even if it's friendly," Jackson said stubbornly, clutching his
weapon more tightly.
"Thing..." The voice seemed less breathy and more
substantial. "Friendly."
"I think it's learning
our language. The same way our universal
translators do. By listening. I think we should keep talking,"
Penhallon said.
"Can you help us?"
Christine asked. "We don't know how
we came to be here. We don't really want
to be here. We need to get back to our
own world and our own people. Can you
help us get back there?"
"Oh this is just
foolishness," Jackson holstered his phaser. "I don't know what you think this thing
is or how in the hell you think it's going to help us get back, Commander? Do you know how much time we've spent with
this thing shadowing us, echoing our words?
Didn't help us one goddamn bit."
"Time is
foolishness," the voice said before Christine could answer.
"What does that
mean? Is there no time here?" Penhallon reached out toward where the sound
had come from, then grimaced as his wounded arm protested. "Where are we? What are you and why can't we see you?"
"Time to see you."
"Well, that's certainly
helpful," Jackson noted as he stepped up to where Christine was
standing. "My people and I have been
here too damn long to not know that time passes just fine on this world. What I want to know is how did we get here
and how the hell do we get back?"
"World passes. Time passes."
"How did we get
here?" Christine shivered as she
felt something touch her cheek.
"Who are you?"
"How. Who."
"Can't you see it's just
an echo," one of the woman in Jackson's group said. "You're talking to something that's
mimicking you is all. You surely don't
expect to have a real conversation with that do you?"
The voice did not answer.
"Where did it go?"
Penhallon asked, looking around as if he could find it.
"Come back,"
Christine said. It needs words, she
thought sadly. We aren't giving it
enough. Or maybe we are giving it too
much. Maybe it needs more than
words. She remembered how it felt when
she had been in the meld with Spock. How
there were words but somehow they were richer, more nuanced than when just
spoken.
She sank to the ground and
closed her eyes, trying to relax and open her mind to whatever this thing
was. More than words, she thought,
imagining the voice in her mind the way Spock's had been. I am open to you.
Nothing happened. She almost laughed out loud. Did she really think she could talk
mind-to-mind? She opened her eyes; ready
to take any ribbing Jackson cared to give out and gasped as she did.
A woman, nearly transparent,
stood in front of her, close enough to touch.
"Christine? What is it?"
She didn't take her eyes off
the woman, as she answered, "You can't see her, Stephen?"
"See who?"
The woman smiled. Her voice was rich as it filled the air,
"They cannot see me."
"Why not?"
"Who are you talking to,
Christine," Penhallon said, his voice getting closer as he too dropped to
the ground. "I can't see
anything."
"I can," she said,
as she drank in the sight of the woman.
She was tall and lithe, her form draped in graceful robes. Her eyes were
kind and serene. Even as Christine
watched, she seemed to become more solid.
"Who are you?"
"My name is
Taillte."
"Why can't they see
you?"
The woman looked at the
others. "Because I do not wish
it."
"Then why can I see
you?"
"Because I wish
it."
"What the hell does it
want with us?" Jackson asked.
"Want? There is not want. I am here always. You are the ones that come." Taillte suddenly flinched in pain. "Another door opens."
"Another door
opens?" Christine repeated in confusion.
"What does that
mean?" Penhallon asked.
"This world was
inviolate. Apart and whole. Now it is torn, invaded by too
many."
She flinched again and
Christine reached out, not even pausing to think. As her hand touched the woman's robes, she
was filled with a sudden burning. Her
hand fell away and she slumped, leaning hard against Penhallon and panting
slightly as she tried to catch her breath.
"Inviolate,"
Taillte repeated. "Until worlds
touch."
"Christine?"
As Penhallon supported her,
Christine felt the fire in her hand begin to spread through her body. She cried out as pain filled her.
"Christine?" Penhallon eased her down.
"Now you feel the doors
opening. Feel the burning."
Christine couldn't
speak. She was in agony, her entire
world reduced to the bright spark of fire that was consuming her.
"You're hurting
her," she heard Penhallon say angrily.
"Understand. Feel."
Taillte moved through Penhallon and lay down on the ground facing
Christine. "All is linked here. Pain to one, pain to all. You are part of this now. Feel."
"Christine, dammit, tell
me what's going on." Penhallon
sounded angrier than Christine had ever heard him.
She reached up for him, a
sudden thought filling her. "Stop
the doors from opening."
"Yes. Stop the doors," Taillte said softly.
"What the hell are the
doors," Jackson asked. "How do
we close them if we don't even know what they are."
"They burn,"
Taillte said.
Christine moaned. "They burn."
"They burn?"
Penhallon said. "What are they?"
"Burning the
ground," Christine said, the thought popping into her head through the
pain. She could almost hear Taillte's
voice saying it.
"The accelerant...it's
burning," Penhallon said.
Christine saw the seared
patches of ground. There would be
another one soon. "Burns," she
repeated.
Jackson laughed. "Are you crazy, man? We need it to transform Livornin. It's the most promising of the methods we've
tried."
"Not transforming,
stealing," Christine gritted as the burning in her body increased.
"Now you
understand." Taillte closed her
eyes in satisfaction.
The fire reached her head and
Christine screamed. Penhallon and
Jackson disappeared and were replaced with the flickering colors of open
flame. Gold and red and white-hot blue all
flashed before her eyes. Her strength at
its limit, she gave up and surrendered to the pain, she felt a connection
between herself and everything around her--the trees, the grass, the sky, and
the woman, who was all of them. They all
burned.
She screamed again.
Then Taillte leaned down and
kissed her on the forehead. Sudden
relief filled her and the burning subsided.
"You are yourself," the woman said softly as she slowly faded
away. "Do not forget us."
Christine took a ragged
breath and struggled to sit up.
"Take it easy,"
Penhallon urged her, helping her.
"Taillte is the whole
planet," Christine said in wonder as she looked around. "And the planet is alive in a way we
can't begin to understand. We're hurting
it." She shuddered. "Hurting it so bad."
"That's bull and you know
it, Commander." Jackson had pulled
his weapon back out.
"It wasn't bull that she
was in pain," Penhallon said.
"Look around you. This isn't Livornin. You saw that dustball and this couldn't be
it. How could what we are doing there have any effect here?"
"Parallel
universes," Christine said slowly as she reasoned it out. "The accelerant is somehow creating a
bridge between the worlds. Commander
Jackson, did your team disappear about an hour after a terraforming demo?"
He nodded.
"We did too. The accelerant must have an aftereffect; it
opens a door to here. " She tried
to stand, Penhallon supporting her when staying upright proved beyond her
strength. "We have to stop
it."
"No, we have to get
back. I don't suppose the planet told
you how to do that? " Jackson
sneered at her.
Christine tried not to feel
despair as she realized he was right.
"She didn't."
"Yeah, I thought as
much." He nodded to his group. "Let's get moving. This was a fun little rest stop, but
obviously we aren't making any progress here."
"Wait, you can't just
leave. You heard her."
"I heard the wind and a
weird echo. Same as we've heard for a
week. Anything more than that would be
crazy." Jackson snapped them a
mocking salute. "Commanders."
"Just hold on a minute,"
Penhallon said.
"Not a chance. We're looking for a way back, not some damn
crusade to save a 'living' planet. We
really don't need you two along to waste more of our time." Jackson briskly led his people away.
Christine watched them go,
disbelief warring with anger. "Damn
him!"
Penhallon grimaced as she
bumped his injured arm. "Well,
we're quite the pair, aren't we?"
She let him ease her down
again. "We have to find the next
door." She felt a hand brush her
neck, thought that Penhallon had done it but then realized that his hands were
both still holding her arms.
"Taillte?"
"Shhh. Rest."
The woman's voice was very gentle.
Christine felt a wave of
weariness engulf her. She looked over at
Penhallon and he too was having trouble keeping his eyes open.
Taillte's tone was
hypnotic. "Sleep. Learn.
Be."
Be what? Christine thought
desperately as she fell into the welcoming darkness.
---------------------------------
Kerr sat in the midday sun,
heedless of the hot rays beaming down on him.
"Come inside, sir,"
Collins urged, standing in the shaded entrance behind him.
Kerr just shook his head,
felt a glass of water being pressed into his hand.
"At least drink
this." When he didn't move, Collins
leaned down and said softly, "You'll be no good to her if you're in
sickbay with heatstroke."
"I'm no good to her as
it is, Jeff."
"That's not true,"
Collins said, crouching down.
"We'll get her back. Captain Spock and Lieutenant Kavall seem to be
making some kind of progress." He
shrugged. "The captain actually
seemed excited."
Kerr turned to look at his
second in command. "You're not just
saying that?"
Collins smiled and shook his
head. "I swear to god, I thought he
was going to have an expression."
Kerr laughed.
"She'll be back,"
Collins said, resting his hand lightly on Kerr's shoulder. "You two were meant to be
together."
As Collins walked back
inside, Kerr brought the glass to his lips.
The water felt good. He had been
punishing himself. So sure that he'd lost
her. But Spock wasn't giving up so
neither should he.
Of course he didn't have that
mental connection thing going with his lover like the Vulcan seemed to.
His lover. He sighed.
But for how much longer? Even if
she didn't leave him for Spock, a fact he was increasingly less sure of, she
was bound to get Farrell's message sooner or later. He'd have to be a fool to think that he could
stop it from reaching her especially when he had no idea where it would come
from or even what form it would take.
The lies were beginning to
eat at him like some gangrenous wound.
He knew from experience that the only way to stop the rot was to cut it
out. But was it too late for him to turn
this around? Was it too late to come
clean?
He sipped the water again. I'll make a deal with you, he said to the
universe and whatever deity might control it.
You have Spock walk out here right now and I'll tell him the truth. No more lies.
He thought of Nako. Well, none
that involves just me anyway.
"Colonel, are you all
right?" Spock stood in front of
him.
Kerr laughed outright.
"Colonel?"
"Sir, I need to talk to
you. Somewhere private. Can we walk for a minute?"
Spock nodded and followed him
away from the administrative building.
They walked for a good five minutes before Kerr stopped and turned to
him. He tried to think of where to start
and found himself at a loss for words.
He kicked at the dirt and watched a small dust cloud rise up.
"Randall, I assume this
is important?"
"It is." He looked up, met Spock's eyes. "I need to tell you the truth."
"The truth?" Spock's eyebrow went up. "I wasn't aware you had ever told me
anything but."
Kerr looked down again. " On every mission we've been on, I've
been your security chief, and I've always spoken my mind. I've come to love this ship, and this
mission. I've come to admire you...our
personal issues notwithstanding."
Spock nodded carefully.
"But I'm not exactly who
you think I am."
Spock took a deep
breath. "Your past service is
rather hazy, but not out of the ordinary for someone who has made a career in
the Special Forces."
"It's more than
that." He looked up again. The truth called for him to look Spock in the
eyes. "Farrell wasn't just an occasional
flunky. And she wasn't working
alone."
Spock stood very still.
"I was working with
her."
"Why are you telling me
this now?"
"Because I can't stand
the lies anymore, sir. Because I feel
like I've found something that really matters here on the Carter. Something I don't want to lose."
"Christine?"
"Her, but more than just
that." He looked away. "It was a wondrous game, Spock. The things we'd do in the section. The power was heady. The ability to make change without anyone
realizing what we'd done or how we'd done it was such a rush." His eyes met the Vulcan's; saw curiosity and
the smallest amount of censure.
"But then this mission started.
It was supposed to be a convenient way to mount some ops that we'd
otherwise never have the means and access to do. But as we worked, something changed...inside
me. Something began to matter other than
just having fun, than just going for the rush.
I fought with Ren after we confronted her about the virus. Told her I was out. She was going to turn me in to our
superiors."
"So you killed
her." It wasn't a question.
"No! Sir, I didn't."
"Can you prove
that?"
Kerr nodded. "I was with Christine. I was trying to keep her away from Ren. Because of what Ren had threatened."
"To tell her about your
past?"
Kerr said softly,
"Christine was part of my assignment."
Spock finally looked taken
aback. "You don't love her?"
Kerr didn't look away. "I do.
Now. But at first...not the way
she thought I did."
"This would hurt her
beyond measure."
Kerr nodded. "I know.
It still may. Ren sent some kind
of message. I thought the letter Christine
got from Admiral Farrell was it. But it
wasn't."
Spock looked away. "What you've told me constitutes
betrayal of the highest order."
"But I'm telling you
now...when I don't have to."
"Yes, but how can I
believe you? You say you lied. How do I know that you would not kill?"
"I'm telling you that I
was with Christine, I left the mess and ran into her in the hall. We went back to my quarters. We were there till she got the call from
Carpenter. She'll vouch for me."
"Unfortunately, she is
not here. And I cannot trust you without
her word." Spock studied him
carefully. "There is another way. We forced Christine to do it, you and I. Can I ask less of you?"
"A meld?" Kerr asked, shaking his head
regretfully. "I wish I could give
you my thoughts. But I took an oath,
Spock, that I'd keep the secrets safe.
There's too many of them inside here--" he tapped his forehead
"--to just open my mind to you."
Spock's jaw tightened. "A handy evasion. It will make any sort of truth serum as
problematic."
"And probably
ineffective. I've been trained in
countermeasures."
"Of course." Spock's look was thoughtful. "There is another way. But you have to trust me, Colonel."
"I do, sir."
Spock pulled out his
communicator. "Spock to transporter
room."
"Transporter room here,
sir."
"Two to beam up."
"Aye, sir. Transporting now."
In seconds, they were on the
pad. Spock led Kerr off the platform,
walking quickly for the turbolift.
"Spock to Nako," he
commed.
"Nako here, Spock. What can I do for you?"
"Are you in your
quarters?"
"Yes," she
answered.
"I will tell you
there." As they entered the lift,
he told it "Deck two."
Kerr frowned slightly. Why was Nako being brought into this? Could Spock possibly suspect her role in
Farrell's death, in Randall's cover up?
He followed in silence as Spock led the way to her door. It hissed open as they walked up.
"Come in," her
voice called from inside the room.
Kerr wanted to warn her but
wasn't sure how.
She was sitting at her
terminal reading. She looked up and
smiled at them. "Just catching up
on some back issues of Diplomacy. It's amazing
the things these so-called professionals think are new ideas." She glanced at Kerr; saw how stiffly he was
standing and the way he shot a warning glance at her. "Is something wrong, grandsons?"
Spock took the few steps that
would bring him close to her. "I
need your help, Nako. Strictly off the
record."
"Of course." She glanced again at Kerr. "And what does my other grandson
need?"
"He has told me some
things I did not know about him. He says
he has told me the truth about the murder of Lieutenant Commander Farrell, but
I cannot believe it without proof."
Kerr had to give her
credit. She didn't miss a beat as she
asked, "What does he say?"
Spock looked at Kerr. "You tell me, Nako. What does he know of this? Is what he told me truth or just a carefully
packaged lie to go along with the others he says he has told us?"
Kerr kept his expression
neutral as she approached.
"Grandson, have you been
up to no good?"
He nodded slowly.
She stood with her back to
Spock. Her eyes searched Kerr's face as
she slowly reached up to lay her hand on his forehead.
He pulled away with a
jerk. "I said no mind meld."
Spock shook his head. "It is not a true meld. She gets something more akin to
impressions."
"Feelings, the sense of
the person." She smiled at him as
she once again reached for him.
He felt her hand touch his
skin and he shuddered. Hands that can
kill, he reminded himself. And we never
found a weapon, he thought suddenly.
What did she use? Or did she even
need one?
Nako raised her eyebrows at
him as she pressed her hand more firmly against his head. He felt a surge of calm rush through
him. How could he be afraid of her? When she could offer such peace? He tried to give her his feelings, tried to
clue her in to what he had revealed to Spock.
"He has lied about many
things," she said, her voice harsh and cracking as if she was speaking
with great effort. "He is not what
he seems." She turned so that Spock
could see her face as she pressed her face against Kerr's chest. Her eyes closed as she said, "He loves
her so."
Kerr saw Spock look down.
"He would do anything to
protect her."
Spock suddenly looked up, his
eyes locked with Kerr's.
"Except that which you
suspect him of, Spock." Nako pulled
away. "He has killed in the past,
but he is not the killer you seek."
"Can he be
trusted?"
"With what?" She looked at him with an expression that
Kerr could not decipher.
"With the lives of the
people on this ship? With the
mission? With the faith I put in
him?"
She looked over at Kerr. "Can you be trusted, Randall?"
He didn't look away from
Spock's eyes as he nodded solemnly.
Nako turned to Spock. "It seems he can. But what of you, grandson? Can you be trusted?"
Spock glanced at her in
question.
"With something he
values? Can you be trusted not to try to
take it away?"
Kerr shot her a warning look
but she just shook her head. "No,
Randall, if there are to be no secrets then let this be spoken of too. You already suspect, I can feel it in
you."
Spock did not move.
Kerr broke the silence with a
muttered, "I don't want to know."
"You already know,"
Nako said vehemently. "It is time
for the secrets and the lies to stop.
You will never build a bridge to the truth if all that is false is not
brought to light."
Kerr stared at her, amazed at
her audacity. She smiled benignly at
him. Spock took a deep breath and rose
slowly.
"You are wise, as
always, Nako." He moved to stand in
front of Kerr. "I took something
that was not mine to have. I am not
proud of it. And I regret any pain I
caused you." He paused. "But I cannot say I would not do it over
again."
Kerr could feel his face
tighten. "Forgiveness requires
contrition."
"Oh bull, Randall,"
Nako said with a laugh. "If that
were true, nobody would ever be forgiven."
Both men stared at her.
"You heard me. Contrition is not necessary. Just the truth. And the will to not hurt each other
again." She sighed and her eyes
seemed to shift out of focus, "Once you find her, there will be an
explosion. You will all be
tested." She looked at them, her
expression confused.
"A premonition?"
Spock asked.
She shook her head as she
looked at her loom. "I'm not
sure." She seemed genuinely surprised
at what she had said. She straightened
and turned back to the terminal.
"He didn't kill Farrell, Spock.
You will have to decide if you can live with the lies he has told. While you're deciding, why don't the two of
you do something useful like finding my favorite granddaughter?" She turned away, the conversation clearly
over as far as she was concerned.
----------------**********--------------------
Penhallon wandered the
pathways alone, but he was aware of every living thing around him. The soil on which his feet stepped told him
her story. The trees above him gave
their shade along with the stories of their lives. The water he knelt down to drink laughed
merrily as most of it ran through his fingers.
He laughed too, utterly delighted in the feeling of belonging. Of finally belonging.
"It's so
beautiful," he heard behind him and turned to see Christine. She smiled at him as she played with a
stone. "Tell me a story," she
whispered to it before setting it back down.
"The stories never end," she said dreamily as she sank down on
a bed of old leaves and fallen sticks.
"Never ending."
He moved till he was standing
over her. Felt a rush of attraction sing
through him. She looked up at him and
smiled. Then she laughed and threw a
twig at him. He grinned and leapt at her
but she was up and running before he could get her.
She screamed as he rushed
after her, the sound one of pure delight.
When his hands reached for her again, she let him catch her. As he pulled her to a stop, she turned and
smiled at him. Staring at her intently,
he felt a reticence come over him. Her
look was vastly tender as she leaned in and laid her cheek against his. "The story never ends," she
whispered into his ear.
Then she was off again. A girlish trill of laughter trailing after
her. He laughed and spun around and
around until he was so dizzy he was reeling.
She came up behind him and put her arms around him, steadying him as he
stared up at the sky.
"So beautiful," she
said again.
He held his arms out
again. "Everything here is. It's like I've never really seen anything
before."
"Yes,
exactly." Ducking under his arm,
she faced him and held out her hands.
He took them without
hesitation and let her pull him into a crazy spin. He leaned back until he could only see the
sky and the sun.
Finally she slowed to a less
wild pace and he pulled her close. He
wanted to kiss her. And he didn't.
"Find another way,"
a voice said behind him.
"Taillte,"
Christine said, letting go of him and rushing to the woman. She fell to her knees in front of her. "I want to learn."
"You are learning, dear
one," the woman said, holding out her right hand and when Christine took
it, drawing her back to her feet.
Taillte turned to Penhallon and held out her other hand. "Come to me, love."
He nearly ran to her side,
felt the shock of connection to all around him deepen when he took her
hand. She was everything. All that was.
The planet, the life on it, the essence inside them. "Taillte," he whispered in awe.
Christine looked at him and
smiled. "Now you see."
He smiled back. "No.
Now I feel." He felt his
desire for her change into something purer, something sweeter. "We are all one," he realized.
"All one. Never ending," Taillte said, leaning
down to kiss the top of his head. She
let go of them. "Never
forget."
He was confused. "How can I forget this? This is all there is. All I'll ever want."
Taillte's look was full of
compassion. "Once tasted, always
desired. Ever has it been."
"Come away,"
Christine pulled at him, her look distracted.
"I hear them."
"No, there's no one,
Christine. Stay here."
She gave him a serene
smile. "He calls to me. Can't you hear his voice?"
He reached for her but she
had already turned away. Walking slowly
toward a bare patch of dirt, he realized they had somehow returned to the place
they had first appeared on Taillte.
"No," he said dully
"Spock!" she cried,
and the cry turned into a piercing scream, waking Penhallon with a start.
Christine was the one
screaming. He reached for her and yelped
in pain. He had forgotten about his
injured arm. In the dream, he had been
whole, complete. He felt a sadness fall
over him as the sense of belonging he had felt dissipated.
He shook Christine awake with
his good arm.
"Spock," she
sobbed. "I can feel him. But I can't reach him."
He nodded. "We have to go back. To where we came."
"The dream," she
said, her eyes widening.
"The dream," he
said sadly.
She looked down. "We were one with her."
"We were one with
goddamn everything." He had never
felt so bitter.
"Stephen, I'm
sorry." She reached her hand out to
him but he pulled away.
"It'll be light
soon. Let's start walking. We have a long way to go." He got up and strode into the dark, not even
paying attention to where he put his feet.
Then he stopped. The darkness was
alive with motion, with life. He was
seeing in a new way. He sensed Christine
coming up behind him. "Is it
different for you too?"
"I can see
perfectly." She took his hand. "I guess we're still one with
everything. At least until we get
back."
He squeezed her hand before
pulling her gently into the night.
-----------------------------------
"Christine!" Spock jerked awake, his hands clenched around
the plastic handles of the chair he sat in.
"Sir?" Kerr rushed over.
"Christine. I could barely hear her. She was calling to me, but I could not make
out the words."
"Is she all right?"
Spock nodded, tried to recall
what he could of the dream he's been having.
Going back...he had the sense she and Penhallon were going back. Back to where? He looked at Kerr. "She said they were going back."
"To where?"
He shook his head. Then he rose and walked out into the late
afternoon sun. The landscape was as
barren as it had ever looked.
"Back to the
beginning," Kerr said. "Back
to where they were taken from."
Spock followed his gaze out
to the plot of grass. "They must
have wandered from it."
"Perhaps they ran into
the others that disappeared?"
"Perhaps."
"If they're going there,
Spock. Shouldn't we?" Kerr didn't wait for an answer, just scooped
up several water containers and his tricorder and set out.
Spock was about to follow
when he sensed that someone was watching him.
Turning, he found Carol Marcus staring at him. Her gaze, caught by surprise, was full of
some dark emotion.
"You know your work here
is finished, Doctor." It was not a
question.
She nodded. "You seem always to be involved in the
ending of my work, Mr. Spock."
"Hardly a loss as you
are not really terraforming anything here."
"We don't know that for
sure. It's ludicrous to think that I
could reach through and snatch part of a planet from another universe. Completely outlandish."
"Yet that appears to be
precisely what is happening."
"You don't have any
proof." She stepped closer to
him. "Why did you survive?"
He cocked an eyebrow at
her.
"David didn't. He died on that planet too. Why didn't he come back from the dead?"
"There were significant
differences in the manner of our deaths, as you well know, Doctor."
"Yes," she said
bitterly. "Jim wasn't willing to
move heaven and earth to get him back."
With that she turned on her heel and walked away.
Spock let out breath he had
not been aware he was holding. Sighing
slightly, he headed outside and saw that Kerr was halfway to the plot. Spock slowly followed behind him, trying to
determine--as he had since he learned the truth--what the colonel's motive had
been for his confession.
Kerr turned to look at
him. His expression was grim, as if
expecting the worst.
Spock walked up to him. "You realize that in telling me the
truth, you put at risk everything you care about?"
Kerr nodded, never taking his
eyes off Spock's face.
"I could force you to
leave the ship."
"I know, Spock."
"She would be mine
then."
"She would."
Spock found himself unable to
hold Kerr's gaze any longer. He looked
toward the grassy area. "Tell me
why I should not do just that?"
Kerr didn't answer.
"To have you around, to
know that my trust has been abused, to know that you are with a woman that I
care about. Why would I want that?"
"Well, there is a
logical reason. If you let me off at the
nearest Starbase, then my superiors will only send someone else. Or turn someone that's already here. At least with me, you know what I am and that
I want to work with you to keep them at bay as much as I can."
"As much as you
can?"
"If I don't cooperate in
some ways, they'll know that I've turned.
And then they'll find a way to get me off the ship." He shook his head. "And then you'd be back at square one
again, wondering who you can trust and who you can't."
"Your argument is
logical," Spock conceded. "But
I find I am reacting to what you have told me on an emotional level, one that
is unfortunately not swayed by your logic.
So I still wonder why I should let you stay."
Kerr shrugged, turning away
for a moment. Then he looked back at Spock. "Because you trust me and I get the
sense that you don't trust too many people.
And because as much as I may have put that trust at risk by lying to
you, you still believe in me."
"And Christine?"
Kerr shook his head. "For once, this isn't about Christine,
Spock. This is about us, Spock and Kerr,
the captain and his head of security.
Two dedicated officers who if circumstances were different might have
been friends. Two men who have to find a
new way now that the ground that they thought was so firm has been revealed as
quicksand."
Spock looked away. "I want to believe in you,
Randall."
"But you can't?"
Spock thought that over. Betrayal cut him deep. But how much betrayal had there been in this
case? He had tried to consider the price
of the lies Kerr had admitted to. Spock
was having a hard time finding the harm.
And the betrayal had not been
one-sided. His memory still burned with
images of what he and Christine had done in her bed in San Francisco. While this man waited. None of them had behaved well. He looked at Kerr. "Do you think it is too late for us to
be friends?"
Kerr shrugged.
"I ask the question
seriously."
"Well, I know it'll be
damned hard to be friends if you kick me off the ship." A grin threatened. "Would make the whole bonding process
real tough."
Spock nodded trying to be
serious, even though he could feel a small smile threatening. "There is something else that will make
the bonding process tough."
"Okay, so maybe it is
about Christine."
"The conversation does
seem to return to her with alarming frequency."
Kerr did grin this time. "Damned if it doesn't. But for that damned cave-in..."
"Indeed. Ironic the way fate works. I had taken all the steps I thought possible
to ensure the matter would be handled in a private way...one that would not
involve Christine."
Kerr nodded. An uncomfortable silence fell between
them. Spock turned to survey the
horizon, eyes seeking but not finding a single interesting feature in the harsh
landscape. Truly Livornin was an
unpleasing planet.
"Do you want me to
go?" Kerr asked quietly.
Spock didn't answer.
"If you want me to, as
soon as we get her back, I'll go. You
can't expect me to leave before that."
"What if I did? What if I told you to go now? Would you?"
Kerr shook his head
slowly. "Don't ask me to,
Spock."
Spock allowed his mouth to
turn up slightly. "She would never
forgive me if I did." He saw the
relief on Kerr's face. "You do plan
to tell her?"
Kerr swallowed hard and
nodded slightly.
"And when you do she may
be the one to ask you to go. You know
that?"
"I know." Kerr walked over to the grass and sat
down. "I just want to see her
again. One time. Then I'll go."
"Do not leave on my
account," Spock said as he walked slowly around the grassy plot. When Kerr looked up at him hopefully, Spock
said sternly, "Consider that an order, Colonel."
"Sir, yes sir,"
Kerr said with a grateful smile.
"But she
will--" Spock stopped speaking,
cocking his head slightly to the side as he tried to hold on to the whisper he
thought he had felt in the back of his mind.
*Christine?* he asked softly.
*Spock..." Anything else she sent him was too faint to
make out.
*T'hy'la, where are
you?* He could sense her frustration as
her mind voice faded. He opened his
eyes.
Kerr was staring
intently. "That was Christine
wasn't it? You can sense her?"
"Just that she is
there."
"I can't even feel
her." Kerr picked at the grass
savagely. "I just have to take your
word for it that she's even still alive."
Spock had an idea. "Perhaps not. Stand up and give me your hand. And think of her." He saw Kerr starting to protest. "This is not a mind meld. Just an augmentation. It is possible you will sense her too."
Kerr frowned but did as Spock
said. Spock closed his fingers around
Kerr's and tried to picture Christine in his mind.
"Think of her," he
urged Kerr as he called her again.
*Christine!*
*Spock?* He could feel her surprise.
*You can't do it alone.* He sent her an image of Kerr, working with
him.
*Of course.* Her presence disappeared for a moment, then
it was back, stronger than before with Penhallon added to the mix. *Spock?*
But it still wasn't
enough. Even as he sent her his thoughts
he could tell she wasn't getting most of what he said. Her frustration rose. He heard her mind call out, *Taillte!* and
wondered who she was talking to.
And then it was if it he was
standing next to her, the sense of her was so strong. *Christine?*
*We are here,* said a voice
that was hers...and so much more.
He let go of Kerr's hand and
took several unsteady steps forward, shaken by the feel of her...so close and
not anywhere near at all. *Christine,
where are you?*
*The same place the grass is
coming from. Each time Marcus tests her
accelerant she rips more of this world away.*
*We know.* He felt her relief. *The rip opens after the accelerant is used.*
*Yes.* He could hear her say something but it wasn't
to him and the words were indistinct.
She seemed to be trying to convince someone of something. When she turned her attention back to him, he
could feel both her satisfaction and something else's trepidation.
*We think we can get back if
you run another test. Here, next to the
last place we were. The rip will open
and we can come through.*
*In theory,* he agreed.
*But just the once more,
Spock. The tests are killing this
world. Taillte must survive.*
*Taillte?*
Even as he asked, he felt a
presence separate itself from Christine's consciousness and say, *Stop the burning.*
*We will. But we must get our people back.* He thought of the other disappearances. *Christine, it is not just you. Where are the others?*
*They don't trust us. We passed them on the way back. They ignored our calls. We could have led them back home, Spock. But they are too afraid.* He could sense her sadness and her anger.
*It will take some time to
set up the equipment. Perhaps you can
find them?*
*We will try, Spock,* her
voice was not very confident.
*I will call to you when we
are ready.*
The other presence inserted
itself. *Do not call to her. I am stronger. Call me.
And we will come.*
*As you wish,* he agreed and
felt her slip from his mind. He opened
his eyes slowly, not even sure when he had closed them. "We need to do another test,
Colonel." His voice sounded harsh,
gravelly. As if he had not spoken in
weeks. "They will try to get back
the same way they went."
Kerr didn't ask any
questions. "I'll go get Doctor
Marcus."
-----------------------------------
Christine turned to
Penhallon, frustrated that hours of searching the area they had last seen
Jackson's party had yielded nothing.
"This is where we saw them yesterday." She called out loudly, "Commander
Jackson!"
Penhallon joined her. "Commander Jackson. We've found the way home!"
There was no answer.
Christine threw her head
back. "Where are they? Damn him." She sighed.
"I guess we widen the search."
She turned to set off but Penhallon's hand on her arm stopped her.
"Leave them,
Christine."
"But--"
"Leave them." He gently turned her back toward
Taillte. "Which is more
important? Finding a paranoid
fool--" he looked down at his wounded arm with a rueful look "--or
stopping what they're doing to Taillte?"
"We can't just leave
them?"
"Why not? They just left us."
She stared at him.
"Christine. Think about it. A whole world or a handful of fearful
people. Which is more important?"
"The needs of the
many?"
He didn't look away when he
nodded. "In this case, yes."
Christine was torn. She couldn't reconcile her responsibilities
as a commander with the overwhelming need she felt to get back to where they
needed to be.
"We can always come back
for them when we know it works," he said.
"Can we? It would hurt her."
"Ask her."
Christine closed her eyes,
trying to connect with the echo of Taillte she still felt in her mind. *I can't just leave them,* she sent.
*It is time. Come back,* Taillte answered.
*The others. I can't just leave them here.* Christine could sense Taillte considering
this. She tried to send her impressions
of what would be required to come back.
*The door is too small for
all of you,* Taillte answered calmly.
*Come back later and gather those who are not my children.*
*But it will hurt you.*
*To stop the burning forever,
I will endure a few more small hurts.*
Christine opened her
eyes. Penhallon was staring at her and
without a word turned and began to walk quickly back to their rendezvous site.
"You heard?" she
asked.
He nodded.
"No 'I told you so,'
Stephen?"
He didn't look back at
her. "No."
"Hold it." When he only seemed to walk faster, she half
ran to catch up with him and pull him to a stop. "What's wrong?"
His eyes, when he turned to
face her, were lost.
"Stephen?"
"I want to stay."
"What?"
"I want to stay. Here.
With Taillte."
She stared at him.
"I belong here,
Christine. I know you understand because
you were in that dream too." She
started to reply but he cut her off.
"No! You felt it. I know you did. We were part of this, part of her. I still feel her, don't you?" He looked down, didn't see her nod. "For the first time in my life, I really
belong to something. I don't want to
give that up."
She stared at him. Stricken and unsure exactly why.
"Don't look at me like
that."
"Stephen, I need you on
the Carter."
His sigh was ragged. "Please don't ask me to leave
here."
She could feel his emotion
resonating through the echo of the link with Taillte. He was not understating his need to
remain. But she could not ignore her own
certainty that she needed him back in their world. "We're going back. Both of us.
That's an order, Commander."
"Don't pull rank on
me. This isn't a career choice,
Christine."
"Yes it is. Spock needs you on his team."
"He can find someone
else."
"Well, I can't,
Stephen. I need you." She touched his arm. "Please come back?"
He shook his head. She felt her mouth set in a firm line. "Fine.
Then stay here." She walked
past him. When she heard him following,
she turned and lashed out. "I mean
it. Stay _here_ if you aren't
coming."
He looked at her helplessly.
"I'll do this
myself." She tromped away, not
looking back. About five minutes later,
she heard the sound of someone coming up behind her.
"Don't say a goddamn
thing," he said quietly.
She didn't turn to look at
him. "Stay here if that's what you
really want." She heard him sigh
and turned to meet his eyes.
He gave her a strange
look. "I have things waiting for me
on the ship. Things I haven't gotten
around to doing yet."
She shot him a curious
glance.
"The truth,
Christine. It's my job to make sure you
know it."
She smiled slightly. "You've done a good job so far."
"I hope you keep on
thinking that." He tried to give
her his practiced smile. The attempt
fell curiously flat. "You may live
to regret this day."
Before she could answer, a
voice called out, "Who goes there?"
Three marines stood on the
path, well ahead of them but effectively blocking their way. They were all fully armed.
"Well, now we know who
came through when I felt the burning," she said to Penhallon. Raising her voice so that the marines could
hear her, she yelled, "It's Commanders Chapel and Penhallon. Identify yourselves."
She could hear the relief in
the marine's voice as he shouted, "Sergeant Donnegal, sir. With Corporals Callahan and Yuen."
Christine nodded to them, as
they got close enough to make out their faces.
Donnegal gave her a warm smile and she returned it, recognizing him from
her frequent visits to the marine lounge.
"You're just in time to
go back," she joked and saw the corporals relax slightly. "Come on."
They followed her without
question, falling into step behind Penhallon and her. She glanced over at him. His face was set, as if he were marching to
some terrible fate.
"If you want to
stay..."
He didn't look at her as he
shook his head.
"I'm sorry,
Stephen."
He did look at her then. "No, you're not, Christine. We're too much alike for me to ever believe
that."
Stung slightly, she asked,
"Don't you think I'd like to stay?"
"I don't think that
possibility ever crossed your mind."
When she started to protest, he held up a hand. "Let it go, Christine. I'm coming back with you. I don't want to discuss this to death."
"Fine." She tried not to feel guilty.
Taillte's voice filled her
mind, distracting her from anything else.
*It is time, my own.* Christine
could sense Penhallon was included in the conversation. *Close the doors. Stop the burning.*
Behind Taillte, Christine
could sense Spock's essence. *I couldn't
find Jackson,* she told him. *Someone
will have to come back for them if this works.*
She could feel Spock's
concern, then Taillte's reassurances that she understood what that meant.
As Christine saw the plot of
dead ground come into sight, she heard Taillte say to Spock, *All is
ready. You may begin.*
----------------------------------
Spock nodded at Carol Marcus.
"They are ready." He watched as she checked the device a last
time then set the timer. She hurried
over to where Spock and Kerr waited with Kavall and a detachment of marines.
The effective of the
accelerant was no less dramatic the third time.
Spock watched in something akin to wonder, as the land appeared to
transform itself. But the scream of the
planet that he heard in the back of his mind reminded him of the terrible crime
that was being carried out. A sentient
planet; it was a marvel. He almost
wished he could go there, speak to her without the barrier between the
universes getting in the way.
Marcus's jaw was set as she
walked over to check the plot.
"You realize your
experiments are over once we get the missing crew back?" Spock asked.
She nodded shortly.
"There are other ways to
terraform," Spock continued.
She turned to face him. "Yes, slow, old-fashioned ways. Don't you want us to get beyond that? To find a better, faster way?"
"Faster isn't always
better," Kerr said.
"I wouldn't expect you
to understand, Colonel. But Captain
Spock is a scientist."
"But not above
everything else. There are always
considerations, balances that must be struck."
"Do you think the great
pioneers in our field were thinking about balance?" Marcus turned away. "I can see it is useless to argue with
you. You are first and foremost
Starfleet. I have always known what that
meant."
"Who is funding your
research here, Doctor?" Kerr asked.
"Oh, I'll use them when
our interests dovetail, but I don't have to like them," she replied with
surprising candor.
Spock cocked an eyebrow. "And when your interests and those of
Starfleet do not coincide?"
She stared back at him, her
expression neutral. "Why, I'll
cease and desist as ordered, Captain. What
choice do I have?"
Spock did not trust her. He could see by Kerr's face that he wasn't
alone in that judgment. He was about to
say something when he heard Taillte's voice say, *It begins.*
"It begins," he
echoed her and pulled out his tricorder.
Next to him, he saw Kerr do the same.
They scanned for the same signature that Kavall had captured during the
last test.
"Back up twenty
feet," Kerr called to one of his marines.
"Looks like it's opening about five feet from your current
location."
The marine hurried back,
barely escaping the pull of the rift as it suddenly opened.
"Move in but remember to
keep at least twenty-five feet from it," Kerr yelled, even as he and Spock
moved forward.
*They come,* Spock
heard. He looked at Kerr. "They are attempting to cross now."
Kerr nodded. Spock heard him take a deep breath. "She will be alright."
"She has to be,"
Kerr agreed.
For a moment, Spock
considered what his life would be like if Christine didn't survive the
crossover. Then he saw her tumble out of
the rip, barely rolling out of the way of Penhallon and the three marines.
"Now," yelled
Kerr. Several marines engaged portable
tractor beams, holding the recovered crew fast as the rift tried to suck them
back in. A few moments later the rip
collapsed in on itself.
As Spock hurried forward, he
could feel Christine's relief and the fear she had felt as the rift tried to
pull her back. He saw her turn to
Penhallon and help him up as the man grimaced.
"You re-injured this
when you fell," she said as she examined his arm gently. Turning to Spock and Kerr, she said, "He
should be in sickbay."
"Consider it done,"
Kerr said, calling up to the ship for transport. "You should be there too," he
suggested as Penhallon was beamed up.
"I'm fine." She let her gaze sweep across both Spock and
Kerr. "It's great to see you
again." She saw Marcus walking away
from their group and her expression closed down. "She won't be allowed to continue, will
she?"
"No." Spock looked at the plot of grass. "I felt Taillte's pain."
She shook her head. "No, you felt an echo of it. The real thing is much worse."
"I will take your word
for it." Spock looked at Kerr who
was staring at Christine as if afraid she would disappear again if he took his
eyes off her. He wondered if he was
wearing the Vulcan approximation of the same look. "You should report to sickbay before we
debrief you."
"I'm fine."
"Christine," he
said warningly and saw Kerr nod in agreement.
"Okay, I know when I'm
in a losing battle." She gestured
to the marines that had come through with her.
"Come on guys, we've got to get checked out."
They gathered around her,
then they all disappeared in the shimmer of the transporter.
Kerr wiped his hand across
his mouth as he let out the breath he must have been holding. "Are you going to tell her the things I
told you?"
Spock shook his head. "No, you are."
Kerr sighed. "Thank you for that."
Spock just nodded. "Come, we are both eager to see her
again."
Kerr reached out to stop Spock,
then realizing the liberty he had been about to take, he dropped his hand. "This can't go on."
"No. It cannot."
Kerr shook his head and
laughed reproachfully. "Who am I
kidding? Like there'll be any question
who she wants to be with once she knows the truth."
"You do not know
that."
Kerr made a face. "Oh come on, Spock. We both know how she's going to react."
"She is a complex
woman. She may surprise us both,"
Spock said, although he did not really believe it. Kerr's truth would hurt her deeply, probably
beyond any possibility of forgiveness.
He felt a curious conflict at the thought.
----------------******------------------
"Well, you look fine but
I want you to rest in your quarters for the rest of the day." Carpenter turned and set down the diagnostic
tool. "Commander Penhallon got the
same orders after I healed his arm. So
don't try to argue."
"But I'm
fine."
"And running on sheer
adrenaline."
Yawning suddenly, Christine
realized she was right. The long trek
without any sleep back to the place she and Penhallon had first arrived on
Taillte, combined with the stresses of getting back, had left her wiped
out. "Okay, I'll rest," she
conceded with another yawn.
"I'm glad you're
back." Carpenter smiled.
"Hell to break in a new
boss?"
"Yeah, that's the only
reason." Carpenter laughed and
waved her off. "I'll tell the
Captain that I've given you and Commander Penhallon the rest of the day off."
"He needs to debrief
me."
"It can wait."
"I'm not sure it
can."
Carpenter frowned. "Well, if it really can't, then he can
do it in your quarters while you rest.
That's an order."
"Yes, doctor."
Back in her quarters, she
showered and was just changing into clean clothes when her door chimed. She was surprised to see Penhallon standing
there. "Didn't get enough of me on
Taillte?" she asked with a smile.
He didn't smile back.
"What is it?"
"The truth," he
said as he handed her an envelope addressed to her in Renata's
handwriting.
"How?"
He gave her a conflicted
look. "Just read it,
Christine. This is one of those things I
told you I had to come back for. And you
did say you wanted to know the shadows."
"Stephen, what--"
He turned on his heel and
walked back down the corridor, not even slowing when she called out,
"Wait."
She let the door close behind
her as she took the envelope to the table and opened it, sitting down as she
began to read. The words blurred after
the first few sentences and she blinked several times, her heart beating
rapidly, her breath catching in her throat.
"I told him what to
say. He knew what you'd respond to
because I made sure he knew."
"It was good for our
mission for him to get close to you."
"He really is too good
to be true."
"It's all a lie."
When her door chimed again,
she didn't even turn as she called out, "Come." She held the envelope against her stomach and
tried to breathe.
"Christine?" Kerr's voice was concerned.
"Are you all
right?" Spock said, his voice just
as worried. "Perhaps the transition
did not go as smoothly as we thought."
"Is it true?" she
asked, her voice barely a croak.
"Is what true?"
Kerr asked.
She turned slowly. Kerr's eyes went down to the envelope she was
cradling and his face lost all color.
"So, it's true,"
she said.
His eyes met hers. A rush of pain filled her and she blinked
back tears as she said, "How could you lie to me like this?"
"It started out a lie,
but that's not what it is now."
Kerr walked toward her but stopped when she raised her hand as if to
ward him off. "Sweetheart--"
"Don't call me
that. She told you it's what I like to
hear!" Christine felt as if she
would explode if she didn't get up. She
threw the envelope down on the table and stood.
"Christine," Spock
walked toward her. "I do not
believe he is lying to you now."
"This doesn't concern
you," she snapped at him.
"On the contrary, it
does. Randall told me the truth. Before you and I made contact."
She laughed bitterly. "Of course he did, Spock. He's a smart guy. He knew I'd find out. This makes him look less guilty."
"He did not know then
that we would get you back. There was no
reason for him to confess except to clear his conscience."
Kerr tried again. "Christine--"
"That's Commander Chapel
to you."
Spock touched her
shoulder. "You did not see him when
you were gone, Christine. I did. And what I saw was not a man pretending to be
in love." When she looked away, he
touched her check and turned her to look at him. "It was very much the real thing." His look made it clear that he thought he
would recognize that sentiment. She
wondered that he would show such blatant evidence of how he felt in front of
Kerr. "He loves you."
"It's all a lie."
"He's not the only one
that's been hiding those, is he?"
Spock looked over at Kerr with a look of shared understanding.
"Were you ever going to
tell me?" Kerr asked.
"Well obviously I didn't
have to." She turned on Spock. "How could you tell him?"
"It is time to end the
lies. Randall and I agree that things
cannot continue as they are."
"Oh, you agree on that,
do you?" She looked at Kerr, then
turned back to Spock. "Did you hash
out which one of you gets me too?"
She pointed to the door.
"Get out. Both of you."
Spock looked at her calmly
then went to sit on the couch. Kerr took
the chair across from him.
"Get out," she said
again.
"No," Kerr
said. "We have to talk about
this."
"Fine. You two talk.
I'll leave." And without
giving them a chance to react she hurried out of her quarters and down the
hall. She half expected at least one of
them to give chase but no one followed her.
She kept moving, her feet almost unconsciously heading to the one place
she could think to go. She ran the
chime, muttering, "Please be here, please be here--"
The door opened and Penhallon
took one look at her before stepping aside to let her in. As the door closed she moved the two steps to
him and felt his arms go around her.
"It's all right,"
he said as she started to cry.
"It'll never be all
right," she answered through the sobs.
She felt his arms tighten around her.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have given you the letter."
She pulled back
slightly. Saw how contrite he looked at,
how truly stricken he was in the face of her pain. "I had to know. And you had to be the one to tell me,"
she whispered as she moved closer to him.
His eyes narrowed as she reached up to kiss him.
"No," he said
firmly as he pushed her away.
She looked at him in
confusion. "No?" she repeated
dumbly.
"No. Don't you think your life is complicated
enough without adding me to the mix?"
He let go of her and stepped back several feet.
"Scared?" she
asked, her earlier anger returning.
"Not at all. Cautious." He smiled mockingly. "You're very dangerous when you're like
this, Christine. But that's your shadow,
isn't it?"
She frowned. "I don't want to talk about my
shadow."
"Fine, then tell me what
happened."
"It's all a lie. Just like she said."
"Was."
She looked at him in
question.
"Was a lie. Kerr loves you now, Christine. Any fool can see that, and neither of us is a
fool."
"He lied."
"And you've never lied
to him?" He looked at her
knowingly.
"You know what the
letter said?"
He nodded.
"Well, it's all
true. He never really wanted me."
"But he wants you
now."
She felt like screaming. "Why are all of you defending him? He's not what he seems."
"Ah, now I
understand. You're the only one allowed
to have a dark side. You should have
said that up front, my dear." He
walked away from her.
"That's not what I
meant."
"Sure it is." He poured himself a drink. "Scotch?"
She shook her head. "What he has isn't a dark side, it's a
black hole, Stephen."
"A matter of degree, I
agree with you. Perhaps he's lied about
more things than you might have lied about to him. But tell me, how has he hurt you?"
"How has he hurt
me?"
He nodded. "This new Kerr, this imposter. How has he hurt you?"
"He lied."
"Yes, we've established
that. How did that hurt you?" He said each word very slowly, as if she were
just a bit slow.
"Damn you. That's an idiotic question."
"I've watched you since
I got here, Christine. You were hurting
after Kirk died and Spock retreated into his own pain. Kerr was there for you. Even if he was prompted every step of the
way, he comforted you, didn't he?"
"Yes, but it was
a--"
"Yes, I know, a
lie." He shook his head. "Christine, he loves you."
She sighed in
frustration.
"Has he ever given you
cause to think that he doesn't?"
She stared at him for a long
time before finally shaking her head.
Penhallon walked over to her
and used his free hand to steer her to a chair.
"Sit down." He took the
chair across from her. "I think
that there's just one thing you need to figure out. One thing that really matters." He looked at her as if he wanted her to
figure out what it was.
She frowned for a moment then
the implication of the letter hit her.
"Did he kill Ren?"
"You're
quick." He smiled grimly at
her. "I couldn't come up with an
answer to that one."
She remembered back to that
terrible night. They had been in his
quarters when Carpenter had called her frantically. "I was with him when Ren was killed. He couldn't have killed her."
"Well, there you
go." Penhallon finished his drink
and put it down on the small table next to him.
"So. How has he hurt
you? And how have you hurt him?"
She met his eyes. His were neutral, full of curiosity but no
judgment. She stood up slowly. "You're a good man, Stephen Penhallon."
"Well, don't spread it
around. It'll completely wreck my
reputation." He didn't get up as
she walked to the door.
Without turning around, she
asked, "Do you really not want me?"
"Why is it so important
to you that I should?" he shot back.
She turned. "Who said it was?"
He rose slowly and walked to
her. Taking her hand, he laid it on his
chest over his heart. He placed his over
hers. Smiling, he said, "We're a
lot alike you and I. It's our nature to
think with organs a bit lower than these."
He pulled his hand away.
"But, surprisingly enough, there are other ways to connect with
people, Christine. It's what Taillte was
trying to tell us. I think I'm starting
to learn the lesson, but perhaps you're not there yet?"
"Don't even try to tell
me you're not having sex with whomever you please."
"Oh, of course I
am. And enjoying it quite a
lot." His grin was devilish. "But I'm not in the kind of relationship
that you are, now am I?"
She looked away.
"I'm not judging
you. I wouldn't do that. I'm just warning you. The time may have come to choose."
"Weren't you the one
that told me I didn't have to do that?"
"Sounds like something
I'd say." He winked. "But why in god's name would you listen
to my advice?"
She bit back the smile that
threatened. "Fat lot of good you
are."
He grinned and she could feel
her own expression soften.
"Bet you wish now that
you'd let me stay on Taillte, don't you?"
"Not on your life. Life is much more interesting with you
around." She smiled at him, the
sweetest smile she could give him.
"Thank you, my friend."
"You never have to thank
me." He pulled her to him, kissing
her gently on the cheek. "Now, I
think you have a problem to sort out, don't you?"
She nodded.
"Then get out of here
already."
With a last fond look, she
left his quarters for the short walk back to her own.
---------------------------
Nako pulled the loom toward
her for the third time, determined that this time she would concentrate on the
pattern. She made a few passes with the
shuttle before the thread caught and nearly tore.
She left the wooden guide in
the barely started cloth and rose.
"I can take a hint," she grumbled, as she gave in to the
feeling that she was needed somewhere on the ship.
The corridor was empty. She stood for a moment, for once undecided
where to go. Normally when she felt that
she was needed she also had a sense of where she should go.
Perhaps it was Randall? He had risked much in telling Spock the
truth. He would risk even more when he
told Christine. But Spock seemed to
believe him...and to believe Nako when she vouched for the colonel.
And Randall had kept her
secret. As she had suspected he would
but had not known for sure. His sense of
honor had held. He could be
trusted. He was worthy.
She sighed, tired of waiting
and about to head back into her room and try the loom again when Penhallon's
door opened and Christine walked out.
You'd think after all this
time I'd learn to trust my feelings, Nako thought to herself as she took in the
other woman's reddened eyes and resolute expression. "Granddaughter?"
Christine looked up and
stopped, taken by surprise at Nako's presence.
"I didn't mean to
startle you, Christine."
"I just didn't expect
anyone."
"Are you all
right?"
Christine nodded. "I have to be somewhere." She glanced down the hall toward her own
quarters.
"Someone is
waiting?" Nako guessed.
"You could say
that." Christine suddenly looked
exhausted. "Have you ever had to
make a choice before you were ready?"
Nako thought of Farrell and
nodded. "Come in for a
moment?" When the woman hesitated,
she said, "I can make you tea."
"Tea. That sounds good." Christine shook her head. "But I've got to do this."
"Then I won't keep you,
granddaughter."
Christine smiled fondly at
her. "I missed you, Nako."
"I knew you would come
back safely."
"Somehow, so did I. Kind of felt it deep down, you know?"
Nako nodded. This one was special. So strong.
Nako couldn't regret the things she had done to make sure that
Christine's future was assured in the way that would best serve the
universe. Or at least Nako's vision of
the universe. She knew that sometimes it
was necessary to walk the secret paths in order to shift the balance of
power. Walk them and be willing to do
what was necessary. A nudge here. A jab there.
And during the Time there was the opportunity to reweave the strands of
the future on a much grander scale. She
had thought much while she was secluded in her cabin. Had seen the potential for disaster that lay
ahead, had known that Amanda's death was sure to be too much for an already
reeling Spock. Nako would have done
anything to spare him the pain of going through that kind of loss alone. She would have moved mountains...had, in
fact--one cave-in on an already unstable planet was a simple rearrangement of
threads. Silencing Farrell, on the other
hand, had required a personal touch. But
then an act that dark always came with a price.
"I hate secrets,"
Christine said, as if reading her mind.
Nako thought of Kerr. The moment of truth had come for him and this
woman. She met Christine's eyes. "Don't throw away love, my dear. It comes so rarely."
Christine smiled
sardonically. "Or it comes from
many places all at once."
"Listen to your
heart."
"That's pretty much how
I got into this mess." Christine
grinned as if at a private joke. "I
have to go."
Nako watched her until she
was out of sight. She sighed heavily,
worried for the two men she considered friends.
A sudden prickling at the
back of her neck made her turn.
Penhallon moved from his doorway.
She was unsure how long he'd been there.
His expression as he walked
up to her was unreadable.
"Nako," he said pleasantly.
"Grandson," she
returned just as pleasantly.
"Everything okay?"
"Of course. What could be wrong?"
His eyes bored into her. She didn't look away.
"Yes, what could be
wrong?" he asked, his serious expression finally giving way to the
pleasantly likable one he normally wore.
But underneath the smile, she sensed something darker.
As she watched him she got an
image of a lonely little boy sitting by himself in a schoolyard, trying not to
cry as the other children ignored him.
Then she saw him all grown up twirling madly in a forest, his laughter
rich and childlike in its wonder. She
could feel Christine's essence twining around his. Yes, she thought, weave him to you,
granddaughter. Hold fast to this
one. Champions are hard to find. Reaching out to touch the side of Penhallon's
head, she said, "Such a good boy."
He seemed momentarily taken
aback but recovered quickly. "I'm
headed for the mess hall. Have you eaten
yet?"
"I have not."
He held out his arm. "Then it would be my pleasure to escort
you."
She made a great show of
accepting. "So kind of you to take
pity on an old woman."
He laughed. "You are many things, Nako, but you will
never be old."
If only you knew, she thought
even as she smiled brightly at his gallantry.
If only you knew.
---------------------------
Christine almost laughed when
she walked back into her quarters. Spock
and Kerr were sitting in the same position, looking decidedly uncomfortable and
rather uncertain if she was ever going to return. Their relief at seeing her was palpable. Spock half rose and Kerr started to speak.
She held up her hand. "I get to talk."
They both watched her warily,
but neither attempted to say anything.
She sat down on the far end
of the couch and took a few moments to study them. Kerr looked wretched. His face as he stared back at her was tight
and almost resigned. Spock's expression
was harder to read. She reached for
him. ''Give me your hand," she
ordered him.
Kerr started to get up. "I don't have to watch this--"
"Sit down, Randall. This isn't a choice. It's just communication."
Spock looked uncertain, but
he laid his hand in hers. She closed her
fingers around it and felt the conflict inside him. Love for her, admiration for Kerr, guilt over
what they had done in San Francisco.
"Thank you," she
said as she let go.
She turned to Kerr. He was staring at her hand miserably. She waited until he finally looked at her
face to say, "You lied."
"You did too."
"More or less,
yes." She turned to Spock. "He betrayed us."
"We betrayed him,"
Spock replied.
"Yes, we did." She sighed.
"Where are those people we were?
Where is Christine the noble?
Randall the forthright? And Spock
the just?" She looked at them. "Where have they gone?"
Kerr looked down. Spock just shook his head.
"They were never
here. Ever. Instead we now see Christine the wicked,
Randall the liar, and Spock the thief."
Now both men looked down.
"Who are these
people?" She fell silent. No one said anything for a long moment.
She stood up suddenly. "We don't know, do we? Who is this Vulcan who would betray another
to get what he wants? Who is this human
who would win a woman through deception.
And who is this woman--" she touched her chest "--who would
break a promise so easily?" She
picked up the envelope. "Ren hated
you, Randall. Did you hate her?"
"I did," he
answered.
"But not enough to kill
her," Spock said.
"How do you
know?" She looked at the two. "Did you meld?"
"Too many secrets,"
Kerr mumbled.
"Then how do you
know?" she asked Spock.
"Nako."
"Ah." Christine nodded. "A good test. And I can tell you that he didn't. I know he couldn't have killed her because I
was with him." She looked at
Kerr. "I never have to wonder about
that, do I?"
He didn't look away. "You don't."
She walked back to the couch
and sat down. "So, here we
are. Three different people than we were
a week ago. Or are we? My perception of you has changed, Randall,
but have you? And you know that I'm
capable of hurting you, of cheating. But
does that mean that I'm any different than I was before?" She turned to Spock. "And you. You want me enough to have taken something
that you believe belongs to someone else.
What does that say about who you really are? You're not the man he thought you were."
She stood up. "I think that maybe, now that we've seen
both sides and we're finding out who we really are, that maybe it's time to
start over. Without the lies. Without the illusions. Maybe it's time for you both to discover that
I'm neither Christine the noble nor the wicked, but merely the
flawed." She looked at Spock. "And you're the lonely. And you, Randall, you're the conflicted. Do you think that it's possible to start
over?"
Before either man could
answer, Kavall's voice broke in on the comm.
"Kavall to Captain Spock."
"Spock here,
Lieutenant."
"Sir, someone on the
surface just sent us a strange message with an unknown wave signature. It's accompanied by what seems to be a countdown."
"I'm in Commander
Chapel's quarters. Send it here."
"Yes, sir."
A moment later the comm
screen lit up with a wave oscillating in an unusual pattern. A voice that Christine thought sounded
familiar was indeed counting down. The
number was at 575.
Christine recognized the wave
just as Spock took a sudden step forward.
She felt a wave of pure panic coming from him. "She wouldn't have!" she gasped.
"She did," Spock
answered.
"What is it?" Kerr
said.
"Genesis,"
Christine answered. "She knew we
couldn't stop it. Not when there's 237
people on that planet." She looked
at Kerr, wondering if she needed to explain more.
He seemed to understand the
implications perfectly. "If those
are seconds, we don't have much time."
"I believe Doctor Marcus
was counting on that. She is obviously
not willing to go quietly into retirement.
One last shot at greatness."
Spock looked at Christine.
"She is no doubt counting on us being too busy trying to beam the
scientists up to try to stop her. Or
maybe she is hoping we will die trying.
She seems obsessed with the fact that I survived."
"That you survived when
David didn't. Well, fortunately, this is
a relief ship. Let's see what her crew's
made of, shall we?" Christine
smiled grimly as she walked over and hit the comm. "Chapel to medical and relief
personnel. We have a code C evacuation
in process. Prepare for displaced
personnel. All transporter staff you
have less than five minutes to beam up 237 people from the planet's surface. You know the protocols. Proceed immediately."
The transporter rooms began
to check in even as Kerr sent an emergency message to the surface. He shook his head as he signed off. "We don't have time to warn them all but
I got most of them. There'll just have
to be a few very surprised people being beamed up here." He hit the comm panel again. "Kerr to security. Code C evac underway now. I want security details to all transporter
rooms at once."
Spock was speaking as soon as
Kerr finished. "Spock to
Sabuti."
"Sabuti here, sir."
"Lieutenants Sabuti and
Kimble. We are evacuating all Livornin
personnel. There is an explosive device
on the planet. Prepare for escape
maneuvers, warp nine, at my command."
"Aye, sir."
They could all hear the
countdown in the background; Carol Marcus's voice intoning, "464, 463,
462."
"We need to get to the
transporter room," Christine said.
Spock shook his head as he
studied the wave. "No time."
"Yes, there is,"
Kerr said. "Computer. Initialize site-to-site transport, three in
this location to medical transporter room.
Code five four seven sub-rosa."
"Authorization?"
the computer asked.
Kerr looked at Christine and
grinned. "Blue eyes."
"Initiating."
"Nice toy." Christine
said as they materialized in the transporter room, realizing they had been
lucky to not transport on top of someone.
The room was crowded with scientists being hustled off the transporter
pads by no-nonsense marines.
"Status?" she yelled over the din.
"78 to go, sir,"
one of the lieutenants on duty called back.
"Keep me advised,"
Christine looked at Spock. "Did we
get Carol yet?"
"54," yelled the
ensign assisting in the transports.
Kerr stopped one of his
marines then turned back to her. "I
don't think she's on board." He
followed as Spock and Christine hurried to the transporter.
"Chapel to Kavall,
status?"
"240 seconds left,
sir."
"Everyone's onboard but
one, sir. Whoever it is, is blocking
transport."
"I'd say we found Doctor
Marcus," Kerr said.
"Finding her and
actually securing her are two different things.
We do not have time to get her.
Spock to Sabu--"
Christine grabbed his
arm. "Wait." She turned to Kerr. "Do you have a toy for this too?"
He nodded and stepped to the
panel. "I'll need to program it in
though."
Spock raised an eyebrow. "We are running out of time,
Colonel."
Kerr didn't look away from
the panel, but Christine could tell he was grinning. "I'm a fast programmer,
Spock." He wasn't lying. His fingers sped over the panel and then he
said. "Initiating." He turned to Spock, "She's in the
buffer, sir."
"Spock to Sabuti. Now, Lieutenant."
Christine could feel the ship
jump even as Kerr turned back to the transporter. "Okay, Doctor. Time to face the music."
"Sabuti to Captain
Spock."
"Spock here."
"We have passed terminal
range."
"Good, continue speed
and course. Countdown to audio."
"Aye, sir." As she cut off, they could hear, "48,
47, 46." A view of the planet
appeared on the panel.
Kerr looked at his security
detail. "The person beaming in now
is dangerous."
They drew their weapons and
surrounded the pad.
"Energizing," Kerr
said.
Carol Marcus appeared on the
pad. She took one look at the security
detail and then smirked at Christine.
"So you've got me. Big
deal. You can't stop Genesis."
"You just couldn't let
it die, could you?"
"Genesis _will_
work. I know what we did wrong the first
time. And you gave me no choice. I won't just be shut down. Not when I'm so close." She looked at Spock. "It would only have been justice if
you'd died here."
"I already died on one
Genesis Planet," he said with more bitterness than Christine
expected. "I do not intend to do it
again. Or lose anyone else."
"The crews on
Taillte. We won't get them back,"
Christine reminded him.
"Regrettable, but at
least they will be unaffected by the device," he said.
"Five, four, three, two,
one, zero," the countdown said.
Christine closed her eyes as
an explosion on the planet flared. Then
the effect of the device could be seen, racing over the surface of the bare
world. Life from lifelessness, she
thought. At least Taillte would be safe
from this. No more incursions into her
world.
Then Christine felt the
burning. "No," she said,
looking frantically at Marcus. "You
used the accelerant?"
"Something had to
replace the formula that David corrupted."
Christine began to shake, as
her whole body became fire. Spock reached
for her, his hand not even touching her before he too began to tremble. She realized he was reading the pain through
her and she tried to shut down whatever link there was between them.
*Too late,* his mind voice
said, just before he groaned and fell back.
"Help him," Kerr
yelled to his marines as he caught Christine.
"Hold on, sweetheart. Just
hold on."
As the planet in front of
them began to glow, Christine screamed.
The agony was too much.
"Look at it,"
Marcus said blissfully. "Just look
at it."
Christine felt as if her body
was being pulled apart. She bucked in
Kerr's arms and screamed. In her mind,
Spock screamed too.
"Christine," she
heard Kerr say. "Stay with
me."
But the pain was too
much. She reached for him as her entire
world flared one last time. Goodbye, she
tried to say but couldn't get the words out.
Then the burning
stopped. Christine sensed Spock's relief
as she opened her eyes and stared up at Randall. "It's gone. Taillte's gone."
"The new Livornin,"
Marcus said. "And it's
perfect. And proof finally that Genesis
works."
Saldusta's confused voice
startled them all. "Captain, we're
being hailed from the planet."
"That's
impossible," Marcus said.
Christine suddenly felt a
gentle ghostly touch and began to laugh.
Kerr looked at her in concern, and she held up her hand. "I'm not losing it. It's just so funny." She looked over at Spock. "I bet it's Jackson. Don't be surprised if he swears a lot. I don't think he's quite stable." She giggled again then looked over at
Marcus. "This isn't Livornin. It's Taillte."
Every eye was on her. "You didn't terraform anything. You brought the whole damn planet over from
the other universe. Genesis isn't just a
failure. It's a crime. You just displaced a sentient planet,
Carol." She felt Taillte's touch
again. "I know because I'm a part
of it." Deep in her mind she
suddenly sensed Penhallon's essence. He
was part of it too.
She struggled to get up and
Kerr lifted her to her feet.
She saw Marcus look at the
screen in disbelief. "That's
impossible," Marcus said, the first signs of doubt creeping into her
voice.
"Get her out of
here," Christine told Kerr.
"You heard the
Commander," he said to his marines.
As they led Marcus out, he asked Christine. "Are you all right?"
She nodded then looked over
at Spock. "How about you?"
"I am
unharmed." He was studying the
visuals of Taillte. "Lieutenant
Sabuti, set a course back to the planet."
"Yes, sir."
He turned back to look at
Christine. She saw him take in Kerr's
arms around her, holding her up.
Christine felt Kerr's hold loosen and she put her hands over his,
keeping him close. Spock saw that
too. A strange look crossed his face and
Christine felt a wave of profound sadness crash over her mind.
*Spock?* she sent to him.
He didn't answer her but the
note of longing lingered even as his expression returned to normal and he
nodded as if in satisfaction.
"Sir?" Kerr said.
"We did it,
Colonel."
Christine chuckled, finally
pulling away from Kerr's grasp. "We
did, didn't we?"
Kerr started to smile and she
grinned back at him.
"I better go check on
those scientists," Kerr said, then looked at Spock. "What are we going to do with
them?"
"There is nothing for
them to do here," Christine said firmly.
"Taillte is not just another world for colonization. She's sentient. It should be up to her who gets to go down
there, if anyone."
"I'm sure Starfleet can
send another ship to take Doctor Marcus into custody and transport the
scientists to new assignments."
"Not us, sir?"
Spock raised an eyebrow as he
walked toward the door. "We'll be
needed here. We have an entirely new
species to open diplomatic relations with."
"Yes, sir," Kerr
said as he and Christine followed Spock into the corridor.
Christine felt an awkwardness
descend as the three of them stood alone outside the transporter room. "Well, some of us better get to the
bridge."
"An excellent
idea," Spock said, moving to the lift.
She looked at Kerr.
"I'll see you
around?" he asked.
"Yeah." She realized Spock had gone on, giving them
some privacy. "It can't just go
back to the way it was. For any of us. You know that, right?"
He nodded and looked down.
"I've got to go."
He stopped her as she started
to walk away. "When I said I loved
you. I never lied about that."
She stared at him hard. He didn't look away. "Okay."
He walked with her to the
lift, stepping in with her when the doors opened. "I'll ride up, if you don't mind."
She shook her head and smiled
slightly. "I don't mind." When the doors opened on the bridge, she
looked over at him and with a brief smile walked out.
--------***----------------------
Spock was just finishing
giving Starfleet Command a preliminary report when Christine chimed. She hadn't taken as much time with Kerr as he
expected. He turned to watch her walk
in, trying to stop his emotions from dancing so unpredictably just because she
was near.
"You've informed Starfleet,
I take it?"
"They are relieved to
hear that we did not destroy their new ship so early in our mission."
She laughed. "I'm sure. And Taillte?"
"They have agreed to
send a delegation of telepaths and other sensitives to evaluate."
"Kind of overkill, but
I'm glad to hear it. You don't need to
be telepathic to sense her. I did and
I'm an idiot on the psi scale."
He thought of how easily she
reached out to him and found it hard to reconcile with her low scores. She wasn't exaggerating them though. He had checked when they'd gotten back from
Earth. According to her scores, she
really had no discernible psychic potential.
So how did she manage to reach his mind so easily?
He realized she was watching
him, a nervous look on her face. "What
is it?"
"Everything's
changing. Again." She looked despondent.
He smiled slightly,
"It's all right, Christine. I can
see how this will end."
Her gaze dropped. "That's funny. I can't." She looked up, and he saw she was crying.
"Don't cry. I know you will choose him."
Her face crumpled
slightly. "What if I choose
you?"
For a moment he allowed
himself to think of that. She suddenly
sobbed and he realized she was reading his desire, his longing. "I'm sorry," he said.
"How can I not choose you? I can sense you right now. I could even sense you from another universe,
Spock."
He wanted to walk around his
desk and go to her. He forced himself to
stay where he was. "Well, we should
be well set for our next lives then.
Don't your goddesses adhere to that tenet? Soulmates and reincarnation and many
opportunities for love?"
"Even if they did, you
don't."
"If it were to mean that
someday I might have you, I could perhaps be persuaded to embrace that
belief."
She laughed. Her eyes shone brightly and he was struck as
always by how blue they were.
"You should choose him,
Christine. Grow old with him. He will always be there for you." For a moment, he saw the sands of Gol, heard
the first stanzas of the Kohlinahr ritual.
How close he had come to leaving all this behind. How he had hurt Jim and her when he had done
so.
She was tracking his
thoughts. "In my mind, I never
allowed you to be lovers."
"You did not approve of
the relationship."
"It wasn't that I didn't
approve. It was that if I acknowledged
that you and he were together, then I'd also have to admit that there would
never be room for me. He was always the
only one you saw."
Spock sensed that she wanted
to say more but had stopped. He met her
eyes and felt a strange guilt coming from her.
An image flashed in his mind, and he understood that she was trying to
tell him in thoughts what she could not say.
He saw her and Kirk holding each other, loving each other.
"Christine, I already
know."
She looked at him in
surprise.
"I saw it long ago. In his mind one day when he was particularly
open to me. I saw the pain I caused him
and how the two of you tried to help each other."
"You didn't mind?"
"Why would I mind?"
She looked down. "I betrayed him."
"Not really."
She met his eyes, clearly not
believing him. "I should have told
him I was going with Decker."
"And I should have told
him I was going to Gol." Spock
shook his head. "The past is
forever out of our reach, Christine. Let
it go."
"And the future?"
"We are together
here. We are friends."
"Is that enough?"
He stood and walked to the
viewscreen. "It will have to
be. You have only one logical
choice." He turned to look at her,
trying to force his features to be at their most Vulcan as he said, "I
would only disappoint you in time."
She stood up and walked over
to him. Her hand reached for the meld
point and seemingly without effort she initiated the link. He gasped at the force of her mind in
his. *Then what is this? If we aren't to be together, what do we do
with this?*
*I do not have an answer.*
She gently pulled away. "I don't know how I even do that. We're not bonded, are we?"
He shook his head. He wanted to touch her desperately. He forced himself to stand perfectly still
and say lightly, "It will be helpful if the communicators should
fail."
"Yes, it
will." She reached for him, then
pulled her hand back. "The trouble
is that I want you both."
"You can't have us both,
t'hy...Christine."
"I know." She looked away as her eyes filled with
tears. "I love you."
"As I do you," he
replied. "You should get some
sleep."
She looked up at him. "We're a good team, the three of
us. I wasn't sure."
He nodded. "We are."
She stepped away from him and
headed for the rear door. He watched her
go, wishing despite his best intentions that she would come back. A feeling of profound loss overwhelmed him;
the idea of never holding her again caused him real pain.
She stopped walking. In a low voice she said, "You can't send
me away and then think those things."
Turning, she hurried back to him.
He caught her up in his arms,
and she buried her head in his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around
him.
"You'll never lose
this," she said.
They held each other for a
long time before she pulled away and walked to the rear door, exiting without a
backward glance.
---------------------
Christine took several deep
breaths as she rode the lift down to deck two.
She had a strong need to turn around, to run back into Spock's ready
room and tell him she'd stay with him forever.
But she had an even stronger
feeling that she shouldn't.
And the reason why was
waiting outside the door to her quarters.
"Hi," she said.
"Hi." Kerr looked down. "I know I shouldn't be here. That you need time. But I just wanted to make sure you were
okay."
"Come in," she
said, walking to the replicator.
"Tea, jasmine, hot."
She looked at him. "Do you
want some?"
He shook his head, standing
awkwardly just inside the door.
She carried the mug to the
table and sat down, watching him.
"You can sit down."
"I'm okay."
She shrugged, suddenly
annoyed. "Suit yourself."
The envelope was still on the
table. She pushed it out of reach.
"Who gave you the
letter?" he asked.
"Why? Are you going to eliminate them?"
"That's not funny."
"Who said I was
joking?" She took a sip of her
tea. "Could you please sit down,
Randall?"
He took a deep breath,
considering.
"Please?" She pointed to the chair next to her.
He nodded and walked over,
lowering himself into the chair as if he thought it would break. "I'm not going to hurt anyone."
"Which is more than you
can say for me, right?"
He looked at her
startled.
"You're not that hard to
read. Not on the little things
anyway. It's those really big lies that
I can't seem to see through."
"What happen to Randall
the conflicted being okay?"
"He may be okay. But Christine the flawed wants to hurt him
right now."
"And Spock the
lonely?" His eyes were intense as
they met hers.
She didn't look away, nor did
she answer for a very long time. Then
just as he seemed about to look away in defeat, she said, "He's still
lonely."
The hope that filled his eyes
made her feel guilty. She had to look
away.
"Who gave you the
letter," he asked again.
"Someone who is a good
friend to you. The letter came with a
pretty strong lecture about second chances.
Renata picked the wrong recipient if she thought he would ruin you."
Kerr frowned. "Just tell me who."
"Penhallon."
He processed that. "I thought...with the two of you on the
planet."
She smiled. His jealousy was so dependable. "Not everyone wants me, Randall."
"Maybe not. But I think he does." He held up a hand. "It's okay. I'm not going to grill you about what
happened while you were there."
"Good."
"I guess I owe
him."
She nodded. "You do.
I do too. He probably saved my
life on Taillte."
"Is that how his arm got
wounded?"
She nodded. "Took a phaser shot meant for me."
"Just like Saldusta
did. You do inspire
champions." His look changed
slightly. "I'd die for you, you
know that?"
"I know."
"So would Spock. He really loves you." He looked down again.
"And I really love
him. I probably always will. That kind of thing doesn't just go away no
matter how much you want it to."
He started to get up,
"Okay, then that pretty much covers what we needed to talk about--"
She pushed him back
down. "I'm not going to make any
promises. We both know I didn't do so
well with that the first time."
He nodded. "That really hurt. You shut me out. And then you let him in."
"Christine the
flawed."
"It felt more like
Christine the wicked."
She shrugged. "Coming from Randall the liar that
doesn't mean all that much."
He visibly winced. "Maybe I should go." He got up.
"Don't."
"Not really in the mood
to fight. I just wanted to get you back
from there. I was so worried about you
when you were lost. But you couldn't
feel my worry, could you? Just
his."
"I can't explain the
connection and I can't get rid of it either."
"It bothers me."
"I bet." She smiled in sympathy. "It started after the Pon Farr. Not after this latest..."
He nodded, looking down in
unhappiness. Then he looked up again and
she saw the veiled fury that he had fought when she'd arrived back from
Scotty's memorial. "Did you screw
him the whole way home?"
Her grin completely disarmed
him. "We really are messed up,
aren't we, Randall?" She took
another sip of tea. "Not once on
the way home. It wasn't that
calculated. Although it might not seem
that way right now."
"I've spent most of my
time lately convinced I was going to lose you because of this damn
letter." He flicked the envelope to
the other side of the table. "I
never imagined I'd lose you to him, not when you'd come back to me after the
Pon Farr."
They stared at each
other. He was the first to look
away.
"You didn't lose me to
him," she said quietly. "If
you had, we wouldn't be having this conversation."
He laughed against his
will. "Considering how well this
conversation is going, I'm not sure that's much consolation."
She started to chuckle
too. "I guess not." She stood up and carried her mug to the
recycler. She could feel his eyes on
her, could sense him come up behind her.
His arms wrapped around her and his lips touched her neck, making her
shiver.
"Did Ren tell you how
much I love this?"
He froze.
"Did she?"
"Yes."
"Do you do it because I
like it? Or because you do?" Her voice was hard.
"Will you assume that
everything I say from here on out is just me, not her?"
She nodded.
"When I think about
being with you, this is one of the things I think about a lot of the time. Coming up behind you, pulling you against
me. Feeling you relax when you know it's
me. Touching you." His hands began to illustrate what he was
saying.
She stopped them. "Talk.
Don't touch." She realized
she had confused him. "I want to
hear what you have to say. What _you_
have to say."
"I've been talking for
months." He leaned against
her. "Ren wasn't in here with
us."
"She was at first
though, wasn't she?" She turned
around and looked up at him. "Other
than me, have you ever called a woman 'sweetheart' in your entire life,
Randall?"
He shook his head.
"Then don't call me that
anymore."
"But you like it."
"No more. Find another name."
He nodded. Then he began to smile. "Find...another name?"
She felt an answering grin
threatening. "That's right. I don't want to hear that from here on
out."
His smile got bigger. "I really like those words, 'from here
on out.' In fact, I think they're my
favorite words ever." His smile
faded. "Loving you was just
supposed to be part of the job, Christine.
A pleasant part. But nothing
big." He swallowed hard. "I never expected to fall this
hard."
"I believe that."
"Good. It's the truth." He brushed her hair out of her eyes. "Do you remember that night at
Mak'chak's feast when we danced?"
She could almost hear the
overwhelmingly sensual beat of the Klingon music, could almost feel the way his
body had pushed against hers...and how she had wanted him. "I remember."
"I fell in love with you
that night. I mean it had been happening
since Kirk died but that night when we danced and I felt you let go, I was
lost. What I felt was so strong, I
almost ran away." He grinned. "But you saw Spock walk by and you ran
away first...or at least nearly passed out."
"You knew I saw
him?"
"Kehmak pointed him out
to me."
"She's _your_
champion." Christine smiled.
He stroked her cheek.
"What did I say about
touching?"
"I don't
know." He said as he leaned in to
kiss her. "I forget." His lips against hers didn't feel any
different than they had before. He
seemed to read her mind, pulling away to frown at her. "She told me how to win you. She didn't tell me how to keep you. What we did in here was just between us. What we do now, it won't be that
different. Not for me."
"No?"
"Well, maybe a
little. Ren said you liked it gentle, to
be careful with you because you'd been hurt.
But that wasn't really the vibe I was getting from you and it's not how
we've been acting lately." He
grinned. "I mean, remember the
Pesadii?"
She nodded.
"But Ren was supposed to
be the one that knew you best, so I tried to keep to her original
script." He turned Christine around
in his arms, holding her tightly from behind as he forced her head back and to
the side so that he could kiss her. He
was rougher than normal and Christine felt herself responding. "That's the real me. That's what I think about," he said
huskily.
She leaned her head against
him and smiled.
"And you like it,"
he said with a grin.
She laughed. "Ren only really knew Christine the
noble."
"Her loss." His
hands began to roam. "It's even
better when you do this in front of a mirror."
She shivered at his
touch. "You could show me?"
"Later," he
practically growled. He turned her and
pushed her up against the wall. "A
lot of the time, when I think about you, I don't feel like being particularly
gentle." He kissed her hard.
She kissed him back
harder. "So does this mean that the
sensitive guy that won me doesn't exist?"
He gave her a tender smile,
then the expression changed into something far more ferocious. "He exists. Just maybe not right this second." He kissed her again hard and pushed her
toward the bedroom. "Later, though,
I bet you'll see him. He missed you too."
She suddenly stopped
him. "I like this. A lot.
But it isn't exactly what I meant when I said things were going to
change." She looked down. "I'm not sure this is a good idea."
"Do you want me?"
She nodded.
"Do you love me?"
"Yes."
"Do you forgive
me?"
"I don't
know." She frowned slightly. "Maybe that depends on whether you
forgive me."
He looked away.
She smiled. "We're not ready to do this." Gently she pulled out of his arms. He groaned and she felt portions of her
anatomy protest also. "Well, part
of us isn't."
"You want me to
go?"
She shook her head. "I want you to stay. And talk to me. I want to know everything you can tell me
about the real Randall Kerr."
"Only if I get to hear
about the real Christine Chapel."
"You've got a deal but
it may not be pretty."
"Nope, it may
not." He took her hand and led her
to the couch. As they passed the door
she had a sudden sense of Spock. She realized
he was walking by, probably on the way to his own quarters. She waited for Kerr to ask what was
distracting her.
He didn't. Just looked at her with knowing eyes and
said, "He's out there, isn't he?
That's the same look he got when he was sensing you."
She nodded. "Like I said, not pretty."
"Pretty's overrated,"
he said as he kissed her again.
"Kissing's allowed, isn't it?"
His eyes glinted evilly.
"Shouldn't be," she
said as he leaned in again. She
deliberately moved so that he missed her lips and ended up kissing her
cheek. "We're talking,
remember."
Working his over to her ear,
he whispered, "How about if I kiss you after every other word? Really short ones preferably."
She laughed, relieved that
his sense of humor appeared to be his own and finding that fact more comforting
than anything else that had happened.
Pushing him away, she said sternly.
"Talk, don't touch."
"Okay. What do you want to know?"
"How did you get into
this business?"
"I can't tell you all of
it. I took an oath."
She assessed his expression
and accepted what he was saying.
"Then tell me what you can.
I'll make up the rest." She
suddenly yawned.
"Fair enough. But not tonight. You're exhausted and you don't even know
it." With a regretful smile and one
last kiss, he stood up and walked to the door.
"See you tomorrow?"
She nodded.
His look turned
nostalgic. "And the next day? And the day after that?"
She nodded again, happy to
see that the sensitive Randall was poking his head out too.
"My love," he said
softly, just before he walked out.
My love, she thought. It had a nice ring to it. She considered standing and realized how
tired she was. It was too much work to
get up and walk to the bedroom.
She curled up on the couch,
finding comfort in the still-warm spot Kerr had left. In her mind, she could sense just the barest
hint of Spock as well as the slight tingle that was Taillte. It's starting to get crowded in here, she
thought as she closed her eyes. She
smiled sleepily, realizing that she didn't really mind at all.
FIN