DISCLAIMER: The Star Trek characters are the
property of Paramount Studios, Inc and Viacom. The story contents are the creation
and property of Djinn and are copyright (c) 2017 by Djinn. This story is Rated PG-13.
Back Into the Fire
By
Djinn
Chapel
took a deep breath as the tech started the beaming sequence. Her mantra was:
"I don't care. I don't care. I don't care."
And
that would have been a great mantra. If the man she'd been trying to train
herself to not give a shit about wasn't leaning against the transporter
console, apparently waiting for her.
"Doctor
Chapel. What a surprise that you wanted back on my ship."
She
tried to maintain some semblance of decorum. "Permission to come aboard,
sir?"
"Seems
like you're already aboard, Chris. Permission granted to step down and let me
take your gear."
Damn
him. Charm oozing out of every pore as usual.
She
stepped down and let him take the heavier of her two carryalls. "You greet
all your crew this way?"
He
grinned at the transporter tech. "Lopez, do I greet all the crew this
way?"
"No,
sir." Lopez's grin was an easy one, like he trusted Jim with his life.
Which he pretty much had to, but compared to when she'd left the ship, this was
a different look. Before it had been blind hope in their captain, now it looked
like seasoned confidence.
Jim
motioned for her to go first through the doors and to the lift. Once the doors
closed, he said, "Thanks for making me the bad guy with Carol. She really
thought I chased you off."
She
shrugged. "You sort of did."
"Yeah,
a heartfelt 'I really like you' being such a scary thing."
"You
could have told her the truth. You were with her long enough." And forgot
all about her, she wanted to say, but here he was, personally welcoming her
aboard. That didn't seem like being forgotten.
He
swung her carryall over his shoulder as they exited the lift. "Doesn't
matter now. She's not talking to me, either."
"Well,
you did knock her up."
"She
told me she was up to date on her shots."
"She
always forgot. I can't tell you how many scares we had when she was my
roommate." Why was she telling him this? Sisters before misters, right?
"Is
he doing okay? My son?"
The
son she hadn't let him see after the first time, just after she'd delivered.
Chapel wasn't sure why Carol was so dead set on Jim staying on Earth with
her—other than her own daddy issues. Chapel never cared for Admiral Marcus;
he'd reminded her of Roger in ways she'd rather not dwell on.
"David's
a cutie. Smart, but then that's to be expected with you two as parents."
She studied him as he seemed to process that. "Rumor was you were going to
take a desk job and get off the ship."
He
shrugged. "Was she happy about that?"
"I
never told her. Which I was happy about once I heard the desk job was on the
Starbase Yorktown. I believe her terms were in her world...on Earth or no
contact?" Stupid terms. Depriving the kid of his dad out of spite. But
Carol was like that.
Jim
didn't hit back with a smart comment like he would have before. He just nodded
and kept walking.
"You're
different."
"I'm
older. I've got this." He gestured vaguely around, and she knew he meant
the ship. "I'm...responsible."
"Wow.
I didn't know you could say the word, much less be it." She grinned. A
bigger grin than she really wanted to give him but she liked this new, more
thoughtful Jim Kirk.
He
seemed grounded, up here among the stars. Irony.
Carol
was probably being an idiot.
"Why
did you tell her I'd chased you off?"
"I
really didn't tell her much of anything. She'd heard about you, she knew we
were together, and she made up the rest."
"And
you didn't disabuse her—tell her maybe that you left me?"
She
rolled her eyes. "She said you didn't even remember me."
"Right,
Chris. Like I'd forget." He stopped at a door. "This is you."
Private
quarters. Way nicer than her old shared ones. "You on this deck?"
Damn
it all—why was she asking that?
"One
deck up. Command row."
"Right."
He didn't seem to be rubbing it in that she wasn't a section head or deputy.
Just stating a fact.
"Bones
is thrilled you're back." He looked down. "I told him what
happened."
"You
did?"
"Yep.
That I spooked you with my declaration of extreme like." He indicated the
door panel, and she palmed them in. "What I couldn't figure out was if you
wanted me to have said love or if you really didn't want anything the least bit
serious with me?"
"I'd
just left my fiancé for cheating on me. Why would I have wanted to get involved
with another player?"
He
looked wounded. "You think I can't be faithful?"
She
looked down. Carol hadn't complained of that ever. It was his absences once she
was back on Earth that pissed her off, not his adventures. "Back then,
Jim, you were different. The stories about your sexual exploits were pretty
hard to miss."
"I
was young. I was captain of this ship long before I was really ready and we
both know it." He ran his hand through his hair. "Look, I didn't mean
to get into deep things. Just wanted to say hello. Welcome you back." He
put her carryall on the bed and headed to the door. "There's a bunch of us
meeting in the lounge tonight. Come, if you want."
"Okay.
Maybe." It would be fun. And probably not the group she was really part of
back the first time she was on the ship. But now, as a doctor, as a
lieutenant—both very quickly attained—she felt more a part of things than she
had when she'd run to Starfleet just to put some serious distance between her
and Roger.
"Okay.
Well. I'm glad you're here." His smile was half hearted and she didn't
think it was because he was lying, but because he couldn't read her.
He
wasn't the only one who'd changed over the years; she'd learned to hide her
feelings when it suited her. "Thanks, Jim. It means a lot that you
care."
He
nodded and left, leaving her to unpack and get to know this new Enterprise.
##
McCoy
watched Christine working in the main ward of sickbay. It was still a happy
surprise to see her back. He would have given long odds for it actually
happening. "I'd rather walk through fire than serve under Jim again,"
had been the way she put it before she left.
And
torn his friend up in the process. He'd been glad when Jim had taken up with
Carol. Thought maybe he could finally be happy.
And
he had been. Until Carol had managed to get pregnant despite birth control
being mandatory. McCoy had never believed the convenient "I'm so
forgetful" routine she pulled.
He
realized Christine had stopped and was watching him, and he forced himself back
to the here and now.
"Something
I'm doing wrong?" She smiled as she asked, walking slowly toward his
office.
"Just
drinking in the sight of you, darlin'."
She
rolled her eyes. "I'm immune to your southern bullsh—charm."
"Take
a load off, then, and I'll stop subjecting you to it." He waved toward the
guest chair in his office.
She
sat, closing her eyes for a moment, and he wondered how exhausted she was.
She'd torn through med school and her residency in record time. "I was up on
the bridge," she said softly. "It's so weird not to see Pavel there.
I miss him. I can't believe he's gone."
"I
know." The kid had survived everything thrown at him while on the ship and
then had died in a freak accident at his home. It was unfair. "I miss him,
too."
"Life's
a bitch. People there one day and gone the next."
"Pavel's
not Roger."
"I
know."
"Jim's
not Roger, either, Christine." It was time to get this out on the table.
He'd let her settle in with no lectures, but he'd run out of patience for being
tactful and sensitive. "The way you left... He moped."
"He
didn't mope for long. He took up with my friend."
"He
wouldn't have if you'd been here."
She
shrugged, and the carelessness of the gesture ticked him off.
"You
weren't here, Christine. Picking up the pieces you left behind. I got to do
that. He's vulnerable. He may hide it under fifteen thousand layers of
cockiness and devil-may-care bravado but he's goddamn vulnerable, and you know
it."
"I
didn't trust him."
"Then
why come back?"
Her
expression didn't change. "Because this is an excellent posting."
He
felt frustration surge through him. Why the hell was she suddenly harder to
read than Spock. "You been hanging around with Vulcans?"
"Maybe
I just finally learned not to show everything I thought and felt." She
closed her eyes again. "Maybe I grew up."
Her
voice was off; he wasn't sure how he knew, but he'd served with her for long
enough to sense that. "What aren't you telling me?"
"I
was hanging around one Vulcan—actually he was hanging around me."
"Another
admirer?"
"Not
exactly." She shook her head, her mouth tight as if she was angry.
"He put things in my head. Ideas. Hope. Stupid things." She met his
eyes and hers were bleak. "Stupid things I want to believe."
"About...?"
"Jim."
She stood. "And I can't ask the Vulcan for more information because he's
gone now."
"Are
you talking about Ambassador Spock?"
"Yeah."
"What
did he tell you?" When she didn't answer, he was about to ask again but
saw a crewman walk into sickbay.
"Things
he probably shouldn't have." She turned and went out to help the crewman,
taking him into a private consultation room.
Great.
Another case of some alien STD probably. First contact was highly overrated when
it came to that.
McCoy
leaned back and tried to focus on the report he was doing. But all he could
think of was how torn up Jim had been after Carol gave him her ultimatum. How
he still beat himself up about not seeing David. And none of this would have
even happened if Christine had just stayed the hell on the ship and trusted Jim
the way he deserved to be trusted.
McCoy
didn't know which woman he was more annoyed with. Probably Carol with her
demands and ultimatums. Christine was here and maybe this time she and Jim
could find a way to make it work.
And
if not, hopefully she'd stay far, far away from him.
What
the hell had old Spock told her?
##
Uhura
leaned back in her chair and studied Christine. "I like it. Brunette suits
you better than blonde."
"It's
my real color. Roger liked it blonde."
"What
does Jim think?"
"Haven't
asked him." Christine sighed and Uhura wished they were the kind of
friends who could follow that up with a "Why the hell not?" But they
weren't. They were "our boyfriends are close" friends and that was a
totally different thing. Only Christine wasn't with Jim—or at least she didn't
think she was—so maybe they were real friends, just grabbing a drink to say "Welcome
back" to the one who left the ship and had now found her way back home.
Uhura
decided to be brave. "Why the hell not?"
Christine
shot her a look, then broke into a laugh. "Uhhh,
because I'm avoiding him."
"Why?"
Uhura swished the muddled fruit in her drink around. "He's changed, you
know. Since he first got the ship. He's...steadier."
"So
everyone tells me. Including him."
"Well,
it's true. So you should consider that. Plus I like hanging around with you a
lot better than Carol." Not that Carol appeared to be coming back, which
was fine with her.
"You
know she's my friend."
"A
friend who had no problem dating your guy. Girl rules." She smiled when
Christine laughed. "So why did she think you didn't mean much to
Jim?"
"I
may have downplayed the intensity of our relationship. And I'm sure he did,
too, after I left him."
"He
doesn't talk about you. Or didn't, once you left."
Christine's
mouth tightened and Uhura smiled. It was so typical. Leave the guy but want him
to stay loving you forever. Then again, she could afford to be smug—she'd
gotten Spock back.
Although
she wasn't entirely sure how. He just said his future was on the ship, which
didn't mean he might not go back to Vulcan and make babies with women who
weren't her, but would make it harder. She realized Christine had said
something. "What?"
"I
asked how you and Spock are."
"Good.
I think."
"You
think?"
"We
sort of broke up for a while. And now we're back together. And it's good."
"You
'think'?"
"Right."
She shrugged. "Vulcans are complicated." Half Vulcans even more so.
"Yeah,
I got to know one a little bit. Motivations can be difficult to figure
out."
"Tell
me about it." She smiled as she saw Spock and Jim walk into the lounge.
"Oh, look."
Christine
sighed. "Did you—"
"I
swear I didn't tell Jim I'd be here with you." She'd told Spock who
probably told Jim. She thought by the glare she got from Christine that she'd
figured that out.
"Ladies,
aren't you a sight for sore eyes." Jim's voice was unnaturally cheery and
Uhura shot him a look to tone it the hell down.
"Christine,"
Spock said gently. "I am gratified you have returned."
"You
don't give a rat's ass that I've returned, Spock. You're just glad for
him." She pointed her drink at Jim.
Uhura
made a "busted" face at Spock and saw the amusement in his eyes, as
well as some surprise—Christine hadn't been quite so outspoken the first time
she'd been on the ship. Being a doctor was good for her confidence.
And
confidence was what was needed with Jim. Uhura thought Christine's problem
before had been trust—not so much in Jim's being faithful but in her ability to
interest him long term. Uhura blamed Christine's stupid ex fianc and his
wandering eye and ability to talk his way out of trouble and make Christine
doubt everything.
Christine
had put up with a lot, until she'd caught him in the bed they shared with some
grad student named Andrea. Roger had thought she was travelling. Uhura would
have killed any guy who did that to her. Christine had given up her studies and
fled to Starfleet, taken up a new career path, and met Jim at just the very
worst time probably.
But
now things were different. Now they
were different.
Uhura
smiled and watched Spock try to convince Christine he was truly happy she was
back. Jim just smiled and winked at Uhura as Spock dug himself in deeper.
Christine rolled her eyes a lot, but she didn't seem to be ready to run.
Uhura
leaned back and sipped her drink.
This
was actually going to be fun.
##
As
he sat in the mess, Spock was uncomfortably aware that someone was staring at
him. He looked around and saw Doctor Chapel standing in line, studying him and
not looking away when they locked eyes.
He
let an eyebrow slowly rise, and she smiled and turned back to selecting her
meal, so he resumed eating. A moment later, she was at his table, smiling in a
way he could not entirely read.
"Was
there something you needed, Doctor?"
She
nodded at the chair and said, "You mind if I join you?"
"Would
it deter you if I said yes? You seem unusually fascinated by me today."
"I'm
just..." She sat and busied herself with fixing the salad to her liking,
before she looked up again. "I met Ambassador Spock."
"I
see."
"I'm
sorry—that he's gone."
"Thank
you." This was a strange conversation. He had spent time with her when Jim
was with her, but still he did not really know her. He believed he knew Carol
Marcus much better.
"If
you could stop something from potentially happening, would you?"
"Are
you referring to something he told you?" The Ambassador had usually been
quite circumspect about respecting the realities of the new timeline and not
contaminating it with facts and events from his own.
"He
showed me. Yeah." Her expression changed and she looked sincerely
troubled.
"Showed?"
Surely Spock would not meld with her?
"Mind
to mind."
Apparently
he had not known the older Spock as well as he thought he had. "I see.
Were you involved with him in some way?"
"Uh,
no." She stabbed a piece of lettuce with unusual vigor. "I'm not even
sure I liked him."
Before
he could spend undue time determining if that meant she also did not like him,
she laughed and said, "Okay, that wasn't an insult to you. You're not him.
He's not you. What happened in his timeline doesn't have to happen in ours,
right?"
"You
are a scientist. You know the answer to that."
"I'm
a biochemist, but you're the braniac. Does it?"
"It
does not."
"So
if he suggested you do something, would you?"
Spock
let his eyebrow go up and knew he was giving her an expression more human than
he liked. "He suggested I work harder with my father."
"Did
you?"
"For
a few months. It was not an efficient use of my time."
"Ouuuuuuch. Sorry." She speared another piece of
lettuce, but with far less vigor than before. "I came back here partly
because of something he told me. I'm trying not to feel like I was manipulated
into returning."
"You
said partly. You had other reasons, I assume?"
"Of
course. Excellent posting. Good for my career. Lots of visibility."
"Those
are all essentially the same reason."
She
laughed. "They sure are, aren't they? I had another, but it's
personal."
"I
see." He saw Jim come in and look at them with surprised expression, then
head for the line. "Perhaps he was the reason?"
She
followed his gaze, and her smile at Jim was more open than when she had first
reported for duty. Jim grinned back. Then she smiled at Spock, a gentle smile
that seemed to require nothing of him. "I refuse to answer on the grounds
that I might incriminate myself."
"Most
logical." He knew his expression was saying it was anything but. Emotions,
however, were still something he was working through, as Nyota would probably
be happy to detail at length. Easier in this case to credit logic.
"So,
this isn't the lunch duo I'd expect to see together." Jim looked pointedly
at the seat next to her.
Spock
said, "Please," at the same time she said, "Sure, take a load
off."
He
sat, leaning back and studying them. "Should I be worried? I don't think
I've ever seen you two alone together."
"You
should not," Spock said, then realized he was being overly blunt. Or
honest, as a Vulcan would view it.
Doctor
Chapel started to laugh. "Tell him what you really think, Spock."
Jim
just grinned, then reached over with his fork and took a cherry tomato from her
salad. Spock let his eyebrow go up; he was not sure he would do that as her
emotions seemed highly variable. Jim just smiled at him. "She hates
them."
"Ah."
He
split a chocolate chip cookie in half. "She loves these, though." He
held it out. "Dinner? Just us?"
"I
have to spend time alone with you and all I get is half a cookie?" Her
words were stern, but her tone—and the way her expression lightened—were not.
"Fine. Somebody has to eat with you, I guess."
Spock
finished his sandwich and said, "Now that you have company, I will return
to the bridge."
Christine
looked up, her eyes soft. "Thanks for the help."
"In
what way was I of any help?"
"That's
for me to know." She winked at him.
"Getting
jealous here." Jim waved him off. "Git, before I tell on you to
Nyota."
Spock
did not know what he would tell—it had been a somewhat confusing and vague
conversation—but he took advantage of the opportunity to leave them for the
relative peace of the bridge.
Nyota
smiled at him as he took his station. A sweet, open smile, and he found himself
giving her more of a smile than he normally would. She had let him back in so
easily. He had not expected it, but they had been through so much and somehow
he had managed to make the right overtures—for once.
##
Kirk
leaned on Spock heavily as the Vulcan helped him to sickbay and tried not to
show how bad everything was hurting. Chris took one look at him and told the
nurse, "Get Doctor McCoy," then rushed to help him onto a biobed.
"He
would not beam up despite his injury." Spock sounded personally aggrieved.
"If
you want command that much, you should just say so." Then he groaned as
his stomach cramped. "Damn energy weapons."
She
was scanning him and standing close, and he noticed how good she smelled. Damn,
he was happy she was back. That was stupid of him, he knew, but he smiled
anyway and said, "You smell like those flowers on Cadixia."
She
laughed softly and said, "Lie back and be quiet."
"Talking
distracts me from the pain. Then again, so would some painkillers." He
frowned. "Why aren't you giving me any?"
"I
want Len to see this. Could you please lie still?" Her voice was very
serious.
"What
the hell is wrong?" Was she just being new and nervous or was he really
messed up?
"What
the hell, Jim, this was supposed to be a peaceful mission." Bones sounded
extra cranky but just hearing his voice made Kirk relax. "Oh."
The
way he said that last word made Kirk tense up again. "What? Why won't you
two tell me anything?"
"I
didn't want to give him anything until..."
"Right.
Okay, Jim. We're just going to move you into one of the ORs."
"You're
okay." Chris settled her hand on his shoulder. "We'll get a nerve
block going before surgery. Then it won't hurt."
Something
still seemed off, but before he could ask again what was wrong, they were
moving him into one of the small operating rooms. Chris hooked something to his
back and everything below his neck went numb—he also couldn't move. A nurse
took Chris's place while she went to work with McCoy doing something and
talking very softly.
"I'm
right here." He wanted to sit up and see what they were doing but was
paralyzed by her damn nerve block.
There
was only the sound of them whispering and the gentle shushing sound the nurse
was making to him, as if she could see how aggravated he was getting.
"Bones?"
"Be
a good boy and shut the hell up, Jim." Bones was sounding more like his
normal self.
"You
fixed whatever it is, didn't you? So tell me."
"Later,
Jim. The immediate problem is solved but there's more to do. Let us work."
"The
immediate—I order you to tell me what's going on."
Bones
ignored him, muttering something about being the one to give orders in sickbay,
but Chris said, "Whatever kind of weapon it was, it wasn't just energy.
There was a small projectile that should have exploded when it hit you; it
looks like it would have sent shrapnel in multiple directions. But the way it
hit kept it from engaging. I was afraid if you weren't in pain, you'd move
around too much and dislodge it. So no pain meds."
"Great
call on that, by the way, Christine."
He
smiled at the pride in McCoy's voice. "That's my Chris. So smart."
"Not
yours, sir," she said with a laugh. "But you're probably in shock, so
I'll let it go."
He
grinned at the nurse who was laughing. "She is mine. She just won't admit
it yet."
The
nurse laughed harder until Chris told her to stop.
"Have
we met?" he asked her.
"I
transferred on a few weeks ago. Ensign Sullivan."
"Well,
welcome to the ship, Sullivan. You're not seeing me at my best."
"Actually,
you might be," McCoy said, laughing softly.
"Unconscious
would be even better," Chris said, but her voice lacked any acid. She was
just having fun and he grinned again.
The
nurse laughed and then adjusted something on his nerve block.
He
felt himself getting sleepy. "Oh, wait, was that code for put me
under?"
The
nurse gave him a sheepish nod, then it all went black.
He
woke in main sickbay, the lights turned down and Chris sitting by his bed.
"I can't believe you knocked me out."
"Operating
on a conscious patient isn't my preference—or Len's." She scanned him and
smiled at whatever the little instrument was telling her. "How's your pain
level?"
"Nonexistent
now that you're here."
He
expected a grimace but she just smiled. "That thing could have killed you.
You still have your luck."
"Yeah.
My luck." He took a deep breath and felt a shock of pain in his abdomen.
"Owwwwww."
She
had the hypo ready, the cool medicine flowing into him as she said, "Just
breathe."
The
pain receded and his vision got a little fuzzy. "Want to see you."
"I'm
right here. Just wait. It'll clear in a moment." She put her hand on his
and squeezed gently.
"You
stayed. You must have been worried about me."
"It's
my job to worry about everyone on this ship."
"But
I think you were extra worried about me." He smiled. "I was so happy
to see your request for transfer back on, Chris. But surprised, you know?
Because you left and I didn't think you were ever going to come back."
Shit, these drugs brought honesty apparently. But at least his vision was
unblurring.
"I
didn't think I'd ever come back. I...I had some encouragement to try the ship
again."
"Yeah?
Bones?"
"No.
Spock."
"Spock?"
She
laughed. "Not our Spock. The old one."
"Oh.
Ohhhhh. Did you and he...?"
"Jim,
he's like eight hundred years old. Or was—I'm sorry, I know he was your
friend."
"Friend
might be stretching it. But yeah. I'm sorry he's gone. Especially if he said
anything nice about me to you."
"It
wasn't what he said. It's what he showed me." She got up and her boot
steps echoed softly across sickbay, then she came back to him.
"Look."
It
was a picture of him and her. Much older. They were laughing and he had his
arms around her. "Us? Only his timeline's version of us?"
She
nodded. "They weren't together when they were young. He thinks if they had
been, both of their lives would have been the richer for it." She took his
hand again and it felt so good to feel her skin against his—warm, she'd always
been so warm. "He thought I should come back. Give you and me another
chance. Probably to fail spectacularly..." She sighed. "Sorry. I'm
still a little bitter about Roger. And I worry that you and Carol...what if she
wants you back?"
"Why
would she?"
"But
what if she does? She has your son."
"Yes,
and she's holding him hostage. Why would I forgive that?" He turned his
hand so it rested palm to palm with hers. "I've missed you. I was...really
hurt that you'd just leave me that way. I never talk about you to Carol so she
never understood what you meant to me. I guess you never talked much about me
either?"
"I
was vague. And terse. What was the point? You were with her and then you
weren't."
He
nodded because it was what he expected from her. They were so alike in some
ways. "In case you need a primer on me, not talking about something is a
definite sign that it matters. The things that matter don't get discussed or
joked about—they get buried. Carol never understood. She thought you were just
another notch in my bedpost."
"You
don't have a bedpost," she said, and then she leaned in and kissed him
gently.
When
she finally pulled away, he grinned up at her. "I might requisition one
just to put your name on it."
She
laughed. Then she yawned.
"What
time is it? Are you supposed to be sleeping?" He looked around and saw
that it was the gamma shift team. "Chris."
"I
wasn't going to leave you for one of them to tend to."
"McCoy
did."
"Yes,
once I made him. He's a fussy old hen when it comes to you, Jim."
"That's
okay. I probably need a fussy old hen every now and then. And God knows he
heard me whine about you enough times. Spock had his own issue with Nyota, but
McCoy understood. Jocelyn..."
"I
am nothing like her." She made an affronted face, and he imagined Bones
must have whined to her on occasion about his ex-wife. "But yeah, he's a
fan of us, I guess. And I have a feeling he'll kill me if I hurt you
again."
"That
would be sad. So don't do it."
"I'll
try not to." She looked at the picture again and smiled.
"Wait.
Why would he have that? Did he have others?"
"One
other. It was of the crew. I wasn't in it. He said I'd left the ship at that
point."
He
watched her as she talked and had the distinct feeling there was something she
wasn't saying. "So just two pics. The bridge crew I get. But the two of
us. We weren't involved with him, were we?" Old Spock had been really
happy to see him.
"No,
Jim, we weren't." Her tone was light but there was still something off.
"What
aren't you saying?"
"The
picture of the crew, that was his happiest moment. With all of you.
This"—she touched the picture of them—"was his greatest regret."
"We
were? Huh?" The pain meds were making it hard to focus, but he really
thought she wasn't making a lot of sense.
"Lie
back. Let me tell you the story as he showed me. We...melded, I guess is the
term?"
"Yeah.
He did that with me, too. Scenes of us as friends. But nothing as old as I am
in that picture." He wished Spock had shown him this—might have made him
fight harder to keep Chris on board.
"This
was taken right after you retired. It's our wedding. There had been a mission
with the Klingons—he wouldn't tell me much except you and McCoy nearly died and
a young woman he cared for betrayed him. Anyway, almost losing you, that was
enough for both of us. You were ready to call it quits and I would follow soon
after. This picture is of our wedding."
"Well,
that's happy. Why did he regret this?"
"I'm
getting there. Be patient. I know it's not in your nature." She leaned
down and kissed him again, and she was more tender than she'd ever been before.
"We postponed our honeymoon because you had to do something official.
Spock should have been there with you but he felt emotionally compromised over
the woman's betrayal and shuttered himself away to meditate or something
Vulcan. I don't know. He wasn't there."
She
stopped and seemed to be considering. Then she leaned in, "If they ask you
to go to a launch of someone else's Enterprise,
say "No," okay?" Her look was incredibly intense, so he nodded.
"You were killed, saving the ship. He never forgave himself. He thought if
he'd been there, you would have lived. And...the me of his world thought so,
too. I was so mean to him, Jim. And then I went off on some kind of rescue
mission and died saving people but he thought it was more suicide than
sacrifice."
She
shook her head and blinked hard several times. "I can still hear what I
said to him. Feel how he felt. He started to pull away then. He never cared
about anything—well, anyone—the same way after that. Just causes. Not people.
We did that to him. I don't think he was giving us a gift by letting me know
all this—I think he was trying to get me to save the other him. Even though
everything's changed and we may never be those people, you know?" She quit
the frantic blinking and let herself cry.
"I
know. Chris, I know." He wiped her tears and pulled her down for another
kiss. When she pulled away, he said, "I love you."
"I
love you, too." When he tried to pull her in for another kiss, she glared
at him. "You better not screw up my work by manhandling me."
He
started to laugh. "Proud of your repairs, huh?"
She
nodded. "Not my first ones, but my first ones on you. No doubt there'll be
many more."
It
was the most wonderful thing she could have said. More meant she was staying.
He felt something inside himself relax: had he been waiting for her to say she
was leaving again?
He
held his hand out and she took it as the medicine made him ever sleepier.
"I can't stay awake."
"You
don't have to. I'll still be here when you wake up."
"Here
on the ship. Not here by this bed. You're no good to me exhausted,
Doctor."
She
smiled and it was an easy expression, the wariness she'd carried since she got
here seemed to be gone. "Aye aye, sir."
##
Chapel
finally made her way past the security checkpoint and searched for Carol's
office. What the hell was her friend involved with?
Finally,
she found her, and knocked on the wall. "Hi."
Carol
looked up, her expression the annoyed one Chapel had seen lots of times if she
interrupted her studying. Then it changed when she realized who it was.
"Hi. I thought you were on...well, somewhere." Carol never seemed to
be able to keep track of her. Always had more important things on her mind.
There
were times Chapel wondered just how close of friends they really were. Time to
test that. "I'm umm... I'm on the Enterprise
now."
"Oh."
There was a world of bad in that one word—Chapel took a deep breath and waited
for the rest.
But
Carol shrugged and said, "Your life." She went back to her computer.
"I hope you didn't come for lunch. I'm really busy. Maybe dinner."
"I'm
with Jim." She blurted it out, not wanting to commit to any meal unless
Carol knew the truth.
Carol
laughed but didn't turn around. "You think I don't know that?"
Chapel
refused to start explaining. She just stood and waited—and wondered who had
told her.
Finally
Carol turned around. "What I don't know is why."
"I
left him. Because...he was getting serious about me. I didn't lie to you
exactly—his reputation, after Roger, did scare me. But I wasn't just some blink
and you'll miss it roll in the sack for him."
"I
see." She leaned in. "Why are you here? Is today the day for more
unpleasant truths?"
"No,
it's the day I ask you for a favor." Chapel tried to bite back a
smile—Carol owed her a lot of them.
"What?"
"I
want to take Jim to meet David—he's at home with the nanny, right?"
She
nodded. "I told Jim—"
"Yeah,
I know what you told him. But you had a dad and I had a dad and while neither
were particularly good dads at the end of the day, they loved us and we loved
them. David deserves to know his father."
And
Spock had shown her what a toll not knowing him would take on Jim. It had been
the other thing he'd wanted to share.
She
felt a bit like a proxy, taking up battles he'd probably wanted to fight but
never could.
But
it was fitting. She'd gotten Jim, after all. In his timeline, Spock had loved
him, but she'd gotten him. And now she'd get this Jim—her Jim.
"Can
I take Jim over to the apartment?"
"Is
he here? Are you already on your way there and this is a formality?" Carol
finally sounded like her friend, not some cold scientist. And she sounded
really hurt.
"No.
I wouldn't do that to you." She sat down. "I was the one who was
there on the nights David wouldn't stop crying. I know what you've gone through
raising him without a partner." Although the nanny did a hell of a lot but
that wasn't something she was going to say, not when she needed Carol to agree
to this. "Let him see what a good job you've done—what a fine son he has.
A son you've raised."
You,
you, you. Carol always resonated with that.
She
sat back and waited.
"Why
should I let him?"
"Because
you're just being stubborn. Because it's wrong to keep them apart. Because
you're better than this. Because it's the right thing to do."
"Sometimes
I really hate you."
"And
other times I bail you out of a Risan jail." It
took a lot to get thrown into one of those lock-ups. Just one of the many
favors Carol owed her for.
"This
negates everything. The balance sheet is clear."
"Fine
but this isn't a one-time thing. I know you have custody, but he gets to visit.
Even if I'm not in the picture."
"You
don't think you will be?"
Carol
sounded...hopeful. Chapel didn't actually think she was going anywhere for a
long time, based on how both she and Jim had changed and how much fun they were
having together, but why not let her think she might, if it helped Jim and
David? So she gave the most ambiguous shrug she could.
She
could see the surrender in Carol's eyes before she finally muttered,
"Fine." Carol's comm system chimed. She checked the number and
grimaced. "This is going to take a while."
"I'll
see myself out. I'm still on your door?" She'd babysat enough nights, she
should be.
"Yeah."
She took a deep breath. "I should be there when he gets introduced."
"We
can wait, if you want..."
The
chime kept ringing; Carol looked torn. Finally she waved her off. "I don't
want to see him. Not yet. Just do it." She turned away.
"Okay."
She hurried out before Carol could change her mind.
Once
she was clear of the building, she commed Jim. "Hey, what are you
doing?"
"Nothing
at the moment. Where are you?"
She
smiled, imagining his face when he was introduced to David. David was too young
to really understand the "This is your dad concept" but she had no
doubt Jim would charm the diapers off him. "Can you meet me?" She
sent him the address.
"That's
Carol's place." There was a note of hope in his voice that she loved.
"It
is. Also David's. Want to meet your son?"
"You
got her to say yes?"
"I
did. I also cleared some things up with her."
"I
see." He sounded happy—even with just two little words she could tell.
"So?
You want to meet him or what?"
"I
love you."
"Yeah,
tell me that when I'm not making dreams come true." She grinned.
"I'll see you in a few."
"Yes.
Thank you. I'm on my way." The connection was cut.
Then
a text message came in. And I really do
love you.
FIN